Patience and love is just vital to any relationship and pretty much every human interaction. Remember to be kind to yourself. The amount of anger we project is a direct reflection of what we turn in on ourselves. That is pretty much universal for every human. Realizing this should open up space for you to be flawed and allows others to be flawed as well. We all deserve love and respect. Thanks Bri! You are amazing and beautiful and have helped transform me and my relationship to places i never thought it would go. Truly appreciate your insight and wisdom.
Out of four attachment style tests I've taken, yours was the only one I tested DA/rolling stone compared to the rest which tested me as SA or secure. I think the reason for this is because I learned to share my thoughts regardless of what others think. When I rise above the approval of others, I said my piece and never backed down from anyone who tried to shut me down (I remember standing up to a college professor who tried to bully me for asking a question and when I showed up to his office hours and gave him a piece of my mind he changed his tune). Once DAs learn to stop caring what other people think of them, the truth will come out, even the ugly truth most people would want to keep silent.
The amount of double standard by some is unbelievable. U know what's funny, fearful avoidance and anxious preoccupied always want patience and love for themselves from others. Aren't stereotypical issues that they have of being needy and flaky and having protest behaviors and much more all of those things are also toxic... Why cuz these bids for connecting also come from a wounded place not a secure place. Best buy for most truly secure people dismissive tend to heal, not all of them but there are many cases that they do. On the other hand for a dismissive avoidant and some fearful avoidance some of their behaviors are very hurtful and yet they come from a very broken and hurt place which still requires a lot of patience and a lot of understanding and a lot of love from others even those who are hurt by the avoidant. No one is saying be in a relationship with them if you are done with them but when you watch a video like this that's trying to help a dismissive avoidant or partners of avoidant who still want to make it work by looking at their issues stop making comments that are demeaning and say they don't deserve love and they need to be by themselves... that's trash. Comparing a dismissive avoidant to a narcissist or sociopaths or saying that they just deserve to be by themselves or with other dismissive avoidance that is coming from a wounded place. Check yourself. If you're not here to try to understand the avoidant don't watch the video. And I'm speaking for all the vids content creators make to address avoidant not just this one.
@@mshiferaw thank you for sharing your heartfelt and compassionate feedback. I think it is a helpful reminder to always be checking in with ourselves to assess where our reactions are coming from, and if it is coming from a conscious place, or a place of judgment and wounding.
@@user-tz1hl3pf2w I'm no expert but da tend to be triggered by other insecure types (purly for the fact they walk around not trusting folks and seeing the insecurity of their partner on full display will be hard for them to deal with their flaws which proves to them that themselves will be probably difficult for their partner to handle so the da hids their true self even more. But da could also have other issues like being toxic if they never saw happy relationships so they could act in ways of what was modeled to them (silent treatment on top of getting away to regulate, argumentive way cuz as kids they always had to prove themselves). So even if they have someone secure they may test the limits of this secure person. This secure person has to set boundaries and still reassure them with love. When da feels heard, understood AND they start to respect the consistency their secure partner shows and their initial needs are met there is real hope. Conversation have to be 2 way and if da starts to copy communication style and skills based on the secure person and sees good resolve to a lot of their conflicts yes it's possible. Respect and admiring their partner is major for DA (in their world they see themselves superior... They believe they are competent in many things because they have to be they are too self-reliant). Therefore the respect and admiration has to be strong where they start to see 'I don't have to take care of everything I trust this person to be competent unreliable and they show me love' that's a win-win-win. Then they have the freedom to start giving and learning new skills they never knew that they needed. But if they feel they have to always get away and lose respect then they can become very disrespectful or non communicative (copying what they saw growing up and they just will letting their unregulated emotions will run the show. The more they are unregulated in a relationship the less they can show up for their partner. The more they will make their escape to hobbies or work or just alone time to get regulated but their partner will feel abandoned (even if that's not the da's intention) So a couple of things to look at in a da, what kinda of home did they come from, what are their expectations of their way of behaving in a romantic relationship... Do they FEEL love or think love. this really matters because the way they love is to do for you not to be affectionate and soft. Most people crave people to feel for them. If you are ok with da thinking love for you then yea. Da regardless need to do sOme inner work. But being with a secure person lessens a lot of drama and could still be a loving relationship. If the secure person is not acting needy and emotionally unregulated then it frees up the da to feel they can show up and not think that their inability (for now) to feel deeply and be overly emotional won't make them feel like a failure. The secure person has to see the da for who they really are and that's hard cuz the da sometimes doesn't know themselves cuz they have hids themselves from their emotions and the pains from childhood that made them mistrust the world. Plus being overly self-reliant has made them hard and carry lots of stress they don't even know of. So it's the beautiful relationship with the secure partner that makes the da get to know themselves.... It's hard work but it can be fulfilling, the da will start becoming a little more secure but they would love their partner so immensely and the bond will be very strong.
As an adult nothing changes unless you recognize its your issue. You may feel difficulty in beliving its yours issue, but dont you actually know you are the one to solve it? Intention is the first key, love is the first inspiration for the change and only thing that gets on the way is hiw to implwment that. I think sometimes taking help from a therapist is the final key to solve it. I am dismissive avoidant and i can relate to all she said, 100%. How to self regulate and not stonewall, that i am yet to figure out.
I love how you pick apart these dynamics, it helps me to see what's going on inside of me, organise it and to find words and descriptions. Excelent as always, thank you🙏🌷
This course would've made sense of the pain and changed the trajectory of my marriage if we'd taken it together. If I had married children, I would give it as a birthday or Christmas present for the unintentional trauma I had passed on in raising them. No question.
It's best to sort this stuff out before really. Guilt really can cloud our vision so be kind to yourself. I bet you did a better job than you are giving yourself credit for.
@@TheeMsNorth best to sort this stuff out before? Yeah, if I wasn't talking about 23 years ago. Attachment theory wasn't a big thing in therapy back then. No guilt. Just knowing that what I know now would've changed my relationships and life. I have a ton of compassion for doing the best I could-and my parents doing the best they could- with the experiences and knowledge we had at the time. I just think this info/course would make the world's best gift for adult children.
Thank you for watching and sharing your personal experience. I appreciate the vote of confidence, and am sure this information will serve you moving forward, as well. Perhaps in ways that are hard to anticipate when we are still mourning the loss of a relationship. Big hugs on the journey.
8 months. He is distant. It’s a 4 years LDR. He stopped giving me time, calls are hardly 5 mins, he role eyes when I get emotional, he blocks, threats to cut calls n end relationship and he has done it million times. I’m giving up, as much as I do not want to but I feel like it’s about time. I have been reading a lot. N I have used all the tactics, from I, instead you? But fails! He needs to make an effort too. I was securely attached but now I’m anxious 😢
Thank you for watching and for commenting. If you are trying "all the things" and they are still not responding in a desired fashion, then you are using all the tools CORRECTLY and they are WORKING, because they are showing you what the REAL possibility for long term compatibility with this person actually is, and you are using all the tools at your disposal to receive that clarity; It's not you, it's him. Bravo! Now you can move on without any guilt or self-blame. The universe is TRYING to remove him from your path so he can stop blocking you from having all that is coming to you. And You have all the information you need to take your next step in the direction of a loving, secure relationship.
I have an avoided husband for nine years. He just wants to have a life that’s fun and games, singing songs, not dealing with real issues and just emotional defense constantly making up breaking up making up breaking up and I’ve hung in there for nine years. The truth is that love is pain and everybody knows it if you get involved intimately with anybody, get ready to have your emotions and buttons pushed. This is life and people who are severe dismissive avoidance. They wanna have nothing to do with real life so it’s not an easy fix if it’s fixable at all.
I need your advice. My avoidant partner thought I crossed a boundary that I didn’t. We were doing our BEST than we ever have thanks to your advice. I explained and showed proof I didn’t cross the boundary. He has not spoken to me in 5 days. His dad died two months ago. So I’ve been patient about the immature response to a very small thing. To him it wasn’t small so I have respect that and apologized. He hasn’t blocked me. Still views my messages and social media. Do I have hope? Should I still invite him to my birthday dinner?
Thank you for watching and sharing your experience. If he's still lurking on your socials, he's not completely cut off. Maybe a birthday dinner invite could be a bridge to mend things. He might be feeling embarassed or ashamed of accusing you and then seeing the proof that he was wrong. Maybe he assumes you will reject him now... either way, I always think its better to be direct than to assume. You can invite him, and he can show up or not. But at some point you might just ask him if he's interested in repair. I recommend watching this video for tips on that: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-IJw_oqtPbpc.htmlsi=q-7wntxkY5h8PtcA
@@brianamacwilliam.attachment thanks for the response. I sent the invite but got no response to it. I’m considering sending a goodbye message or trying to call.
@@mmbovilladardh the only thing I would advise, is making sure that you are making decisions based on what you want in a relationship in general, and holding every action you take in comparison to that standard for yourself. That you’re not making decisions based on what you are assuming he wants and needs, allowing him to set the tone. If you want to give him an opportunity to repair with you, create that opportunity explicitly, and then decide how long you will give him to accept it or not. If you’re sending a goodbye message because you don’t wanna deal with this kind of immature, ambivalent behavior, send a goodbye message. But if you’re sending a goodbye message because you think that’s what he wants to hear or because you think he’s decided some thing and not let you in on it, and by sending a goodbye message, It will inspire something in him, you are still making assumptions, and not deciding for yourself, really. There’s no right or wrong thing to do, just be aware of where your motivations are coming from energetically speaking. That will affect the emotional outcome for you, regardless of whether he contacts you or not.
@@brianamacwilliam.attachment this is so helpful I almost cried. Thank you so much for all the content and responding. I’m gonna give him a call. If there’s no answer, I’ll send a message leaving the door open for repair. I’m ready to accept that never happening but at least I’ll have tried.
This video has helped me tremendously to understand and more importantly have empathy for my FA partner. He idealizes his ex wife, although she creates an enormous amount of conflict for him through guilt and shame. He hides his 2 year relationship with me from her and his grown children (everyone lives out of state). I understand that better now.
@@kateaghaghiri2968 Then you must cal it out and see the response. I was a secret for 3 years until I decided it wasn't healthy for me. I began to makes noises about the relationship and he abruptly dumped me....I don't know why but whatever he wasn't going to grow the relationship or change the dynamics...pleaee don't enable their behaviour for years thinking you are being kind and considerate if their feelings and needs. Your needs matter in a healthy relationship and the sooner you find out if they can workthrough hurdles the sooner you will know what you really have....hopefully a relationship but if not you don’t waste more time.
Thank you for sharing your experience and how the video has made a positive impact on your perspective. More information can always help us make well-aligned decisions in the future, about what is in service of your greatest good and quality of relationships.
I may just be reading into this, but I think what she means by “hard to follow” is that it’s hard to put into practice. Which is true any time an avoidant is involved. Some of the more “negative” channels just say, “Do X, say Y, and if he doesn’t change, leave.” It’s HARD to put in effort and see one baby step forward result in ten giant bounding leaps backwards. But the only way forward at all is through baby steps, hoping that the jumps back get smaller and fewer each time. @@brianamacwilliam.attachment
I was cold to my husband - not saying I live you and being distant while he was on a trip and for the last six weeks he says he has a strong aversion to anything sexual w me. Is that something we can overcome? I’m objectively extremely attractive so it’s an emotional thing.
Mine left a little over a month ago. We share a child. She moved somewhere where she's solo. She couldn't wait to blame me for everything. Idk what to do next.
Thank you for your feedback. My content has always had a rhythm of varying formats and levels of polish to reach different audiences effectively. This new approach is just one way I'm trying to expand my reach and help more people. I assure you that the core value and authenticity of my content remains the same. The intention is always to provide helpful and transformative information. I hope you continue to find value in what I share. Thanks for watching! 😊
Yeah I tend to agree. I'm all for creators promoting their various income streams, and I expect one or sometimes two promotional segments in any given video, but this video felt like it was way more primarily an ad with a little info sprinkled in. Hard to pay attention to
@@ItsAsparageeseI agree I seen it on ig and going through a difficult time and need to know how to gently approach my avoidant partner as he’s shutting me out after having a bereavement in his family .. I’m none the wiser and can’t get that 24 mins back .. you’re making money off the viewing Brianna .. was starting to become my favourite podcast but not so sure now .. !!
Wow, glad someone else noticed it! Briana was always the most in depth coach I loved but this definitely seems like a more mainstream approach. Not that I blame Brianna for going this route, , but glad someone can see what I see.
It's definitely not the easiest attachment style to try to coexist with. However, we must remember that every person is different regardless of their attachment style and the understanding that we're looking for is also the understanding that they're looking for. There will be incompatibility in a majority of relationships. However, it's not necessarily that avoidant attachment style that makes it so. My point is just that if you avoid avoidants, you may be avoiding somebody that's great for you.
Why are you guys here if not to learn with an open mind? What I thought was rejection was really him begging me to stay. If you don’t want to understand the little hurt baby who didn’t get his mother’s love then just go away but I’m trying to hug my guy❤and I’m not in any hurry to get into a relationship. That’s the thing, we can’t wait if we don’t want to and if you don’t want to why would you click?
