Defying Your Inner Critic's Corruption: Untangling the Confusion (Desire)

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Cope with your BPD symptoms using my BPD Card Deck: The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
shorturl.at/bxB05
In this video we are going to explore your inner critic and I’ll give you some suggestions on how to lessen its impact and how to control it. The inner critic is that voice inside, sometimes little and sometimes huge (like in many of my clients). The voice is not psychotic, it is not part of a derealization, but an internal running dialogue of your failures, faults, problems, weaknesses, and supposed inherent defects. Unchecked your inner critic grows in power over years, but checked it can be lessened and controlled.
Your inner critic is fed by errors and mistakes, which we all make, but the comments, judgment, and criticism you received is what fed it. Your inner critic became this delivery system to self-punishment and a proving ground that your negative core content and all of you is all wrong. As you grew older, and your inner critic grew louder and more powerful, you internalized it. You made itself a part of how you see yourself, your actions, your abilities, and your worth. When you do this, you start to engage in behaviors that play our and justify your inner critic. It got fat with all you fed it, all those hurtful self-criticisms, self-judgments, self-hatred, self-neglect, and in some cases, you give up and give in to your inner critic and it becomes your ruler. This inner critic becomes a big part of your core content that encourages your surface structure behaviors that we call BPD - relationship disruptions, self-harm, unsure who you are, see yourself as a failure, unlovable, fear of being alone and abandoned, impulsive, and depressed.
You need to recognize that your inner critic lies. It gaslights you, it tricks you so it can survive. It feels real and feels like it keeps you safe from harm, and that part of the trick, but does it really? Remember, it distorts how you see yourself, your world, and your abilities to impact your future. Inner critic comments tend to be extreme, global, and deep cutting but most instances of mistakes are not life ending, major disruptions, and they’re certainly not proof of you as a failed human being. We’re going to talk about how to challenge it next, but it’s important to know that your inner critic does not want you to hear it, it doesn’t want to be challenged and it defends itself by using fear, doubt, anxiety, depression, and all those internal contradictions to you mastering your beliefs, self-statements, and all aspects of your life.
We challenge your inner critic with reality. Reality says we all make mistakes, we all want love, acceptance, reparations, understanding, patience, and all those things that help you feel full and human.
Challenge it by looking at actual facts in your life that show the opposite: What are your successes, what good have you done, and what gives you a sense of worth? Resist the urge to say “I’ve done nothing” here. What real facts do you have that show your inner critic is a liar? Lastly, remember that you don’t have to let your inner critic determine your behavior. It knows how to push your buttons but you don’t have to let it push them. Know your core content and know your surface structure behaviors and know that you determine how you respond, not your inner critic.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available May 1, 2019, but you can pre-order it now at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
RU-vid: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox

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29 июн 2024

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Комментарии : 229

@MarieRhondelle 4 года назад

I think this inner critic exists in a lot of us even if we don't have BPD. So this is a broadly useful video.

@mamas3cubs 5 лет назад

I am making progress, when I hear myself saying something critical I catch myself, and SAY NO STOP! That is not true. Like you called it A HUGE LIAR! I'm almost 61and fighting this battle but I will get better. Looking forward to receiving your BPD workbook in May. Thank you Dr.Fox

@fredericmoresmau4303 5 лет назад

Its not narvissistic its truth... i fairly waited at safe distance for years and they destroyec me and took every opportunity awayI woukdve been faar away and successfulll ... i called enoiugh peo0lple and talked to enough people to be out of there in a long time and ii deserved it

@kieransimpson4965 4 года назад

@leeboriack8054 4 года назад

Dear mama bear, when the inner critic starts to talk, I respond w a neutral voice of "oh your here? This thought, is it building something you want to be the custodian of, do you really want go where this going to? Nah, let's look at other ideas, ok?"

@zaynahdumas4726 3 года назад

I'm proud of you!

@AngelBien 3 года назад

Wow! Proud of you 👍

@thelmaatherton4587 5 лет назад

Thanks for this one Dr Fox as a 51 year old suffering from BPD most of my life, this is the first time someone has told me to dismiss my inner critic instead of believing this voice. I have had counselling here in England but you are the only one I believe who I had had the opportunity to learn from that understands this illness 💓

@puush2007 5 лет назад

Im 52 and just diagnosed with bpd. Im doing dr fox bpd workbook. I made several positive empowerment videos on my phone to counter inner critic.

@paulaclark-dyson4005 2 года назад

Im 48 and just been told this also having been in the mental health service all my life. So much focus is on mindfulness and DBT.... This truth about giving your inner critic a voice thats louder than my own is so damaging as it keeps us in a false safe place where we can't grow beyond that critical voice that I thought was my own.... its not. Its a bully and bullies always like company, my inner critic is now alone. I'm not saying I'm a reborn again person as Ive only just come across this video but I dont want to be hurt anymore by a voice in my head..

@JulieMaeThies 5 лет назад

The sunlight beams shining on you are beautiful and give the video an interesting vibe.

@sarahs413 4 года назад

I noticed that too. :)

@stayhoney6863 5 лет назад

It’s especially hard when family thinks your decisions make you a failure. So there’s the internal voice plus their voices trying to overpower my positivity.

@DrDanielFox 5 лет назад

Stay your own course and resist the family role of "family crucible". It's tough.

@Jardarny 3 года назад

Couldn't it be more helpful to see the inner critic as actually believing it is keeping you safe? So it's not like it's trying to "trick" you into believing it's keeping you safe, but that it actually believes its actions and perspectives are vital for your safety, so it's willing to go to extreme lengths. Maybe it doesn't even like what it's doing, but it believes it HAS to. That way, you don't need to fight it and get rid of it, but to soothe it and show it you are ok without it having to be so vicious.

@rozepyracantha5574 5 лет назад

We were walking back down from our hike and we were talking about my inner critic, how it holds me back. He told me that I might see myself not moving in life, that I took a detour so far out that it's difficult to see myself ever attaining my goals, but that doesn't mean I won't get there; however way I get there is worthy of my time; all my experiences have led up to me gaining more than those who took the straight path. He said, "You see those people that took the shortcut to come down? Look at how we are all meeting up on the path at the same time. They appeared to have done it right and faster but our walk saved us from the pesky knats and gave us a better view. In the end, we all made it to the same spot but our experience was more beneficial because later we can look back at those pictures we took and not be scratching at our skin. Stay positive and know you will get there if you just keep moving forward." He reminds me of that day whenever I need it. ♡

@Taylor-Crawford 5 лет назад

So my takeaways are the following: (1.) Identifying (😬) maladaptive patterns/behavior! (2.) What gives you (😜) a sense of worth? (3.) Self (😀)Facts! I am so grateful that you take the time and make the effort to help us who struggle daily with the debilitating challenges of BPD.

@caseyvaughn8009 5 лет назад

He is amazing. He seems truly empathetic and I love his videos.

@Taylor-Crawford 5 лет назад

@@caseyvaughn8009: Yassss! I wholeheartedly, agree with every syllable. You know it's that voice too; along with the fact he is definitely easy on the eyes. He may not be our desired therapist however, we are very much his client/patients. What do you think (🤔) about that Ms. Vaughn?

@ShirouNiichan 5 лет назад

i recently got diagnosed with bpd and this is something i struggle with a lot.

@ambernouri9293 4 года назад

Same here

@Stefabro 2 года назад

I cried when I heard you describe my inner critic to a T. I never knew of its existence. My whole life I believed that my inner critic was my one and only guiding compass. I believed him to be my double edged sword which made me keep him around. Every time I felt his grip loosening, I let him drown me ,for fear of the unknown. Hearing this , lifted a weight off my shoulders. I'm eternally grateful for your content Doctor !!!!

@DrDanielFox 2 года назад

I’m so glad that this video helped you build your insight and I wish you all the best.

@pyua6 3 года назад

Thank you so much for all of your videos. I rewatch them often to remind myself that the problems I'm facing are actually real and not a result of me being a bad or broken person. I also want to add that for me, I think one reason why my (and possibly others) inner critic is so relentless is because its criticisms make me feel prepared for or protected from what I assume other people will think of me. It's very sabotaging.

@chrispasson1940 2 месяца назад

yes, that's true

@babyb2393 5 лет назад

Thanks for everything you do Dr. Fox! Your videos have been so helpful for me as I continue to work on myself!

@soleildemidi 5 лет назад

Thank you for the self facts exercise. I was able to name a few things that I hadn't realised were being overtaken by my inner critic. I'm smiling! Lovely presentation Dr Fox.

@chloehammond2836 Год назад

I love how he includes people who are undiagnosed but who have bpd traits, so many people can learn from this ❤️

@lennyblake3155 5 лет назад

Love yourself regardless of your " self blame" you are sentinel and that includes all process to find self

@patrickhanson712 5 лет назад

Well said.

@KateGladstone 2 месяца назад

I have an inner critic who is very strong and nasty. She appears immune to tactics in this video, because she already knows about them as soon as I learn about them: in other words, even before I can start using them. As she reminds me: Every self-help video I watch, every self-help book I read she is right there with me, watching and reading too … thus, she is forewarned and forearmed,

@chrispasson1940 2 месяца назад

that describes it well

@anniepeterson4707 5 лет назад

Thank you for the video. I am just starting to wake up and get rid of this inner critic! I have started changing the "dialogue" by saying nice things to myself (treating me as my best friend). I've been catching my inner critic and stopping its negativity in its tracks. It's a difficult thing to overcome and it's a process. Thanks again for the information and good luck to everyone watching. We can do this!! :)

@DrDanielFox 5 лет назад

Annie Peterson thank you for the awesome comment! Keep up the great work and keep everyone posted on your great success!

@hpiccus 3 года назад

Tell us something nice about yourself.

@jodiwest1382 2 года назад

Thank U For The Idea Of Stopping The Inner Critic In It's Tracks Awesome

@arundahiya1156 5 лет назад

Love the statement- your inner critic is a liar. Will try to remember it from now on.

@patrickhanson712 5 лет назад

Yes and thank you.

@DD-jm5ug 3 года назад

He's just got it! 👍 he also makes me laugh when he speaks too quickly and has to stop and says "I'll get it" 😂❤

@fallon7616 3 года назад

This is so true. I have struggled with this . My Dr helps me when I can't see things clearly.

@mysteriousleigh3517 5 лет назад

Hi. I don't have a formal diagnosis for BPD or anything, but I do have anxiety & depression which I battled with since my early teens. I had potentially (?) two NPD parents, my father being more of an absent/violent, and also a head injury, my mom emotionally manipulative & controlling. I would say my mom is NPD just based from the fact that she liked to bully me in my room and make me think I was crazy and owed her the world, restrained as she may be. I know for a fact, that no matter what else I do or went through, THIS is where the inner critic came from because at this point I used to feel like the world was closing in on me. Defeated, I really thought I was this awful person. My brother also does the same thing now. I identify with some of the symptoms of BPD (which i guess are also possibly C-PTSD), such as not remembering 97% f the violence, being jumpy, anxiety, fatalistic thinking, emptiness, hopelessness, sadness, high emotionality, self-deprecation, comfort eating. I do not have aggressive tendencies, it is very rare if I express anger and tend to cry it out. I have never self harmed, or threatened suicide. I don't have desire to change my hair every week, or my name, or be a different personality. If someone even tries to push a book I don't like on me, I resist changing to impress someone else. I don't black out, etc. I'm not really sure what to put it all down to. But I just wanna say thank you because, this is totally what I struggle with a lot. The inner negative voice that says I am a defective person from birth, that i'm a bad person, everyone hates me, says bad things about me etc. There was a point in my late teens when I couldn't even say anything to other people without instantly wanting to erase what I just said, or delete it, or that it was 'stupid' or I talked too much or something. Of course, I wanna believe that it speaks some hidden truth that I am worthless because A, B, C OR D reasons. I am intelligent. I am a good writer (at university). I need an inner advocate more than ever to finish my studies. Thank you. Also, you have a really warm, gentle demeanour and kind face.

@patriciafaithfull6360 4 года назад

i have never seen bpd linked to the inner critic. this makes sense to me that they are. i have been going thru hell with a distorted view of my mistakes, abilities, successes i desperately needed to hear this.

@lollipop3136 4 года назад

I'm learning that while the inner critic may be a liar, its only trying to protect me, so when I recognize it I thank it and reassure it I'm safe and release the old "self protection" dialogue/ thoughts with love and peace. Thank you Dr fox for all u do, such tremendous work. High five!

@JDforeveralone 2 года назад

6:05 frustrated at you for saying that my inner critic is a liar!!! Before you said this I already "heard" my one (critic) telling me "oh no he doesn't know you, that's just for the others" This is a very very hard subject which over the decades not just brought me mentally down but I believe hindered me from living up to my true self and potential. I've got this very good and true friend who over all those years reassures me that I am enough and I am able and so on but even her - I feel at that moment hopeful when she tells me these things but the minute I hang up on the phone I switch to all negative again. It's like he's (the critic) waiting at my back for me to finish with this positive person so he can take over again. I find relieve and being able to cope with my own self thru my faith and prayers but the constant feeling of "something's wrong with me" won't go away of course. I find my impulsivity and risky behaviours are kept in control thru my faith but the lingering low feeling is always present Dr Fox your videos are beyond value! Thank you for all your effort! You are helping countless ppl from I think all around the world! Greetings from 🇩🇿

@geewheeler04 20 дней назад

I believe the inner critic over my loved ones. Even when my husband tell me one thing I still believe the bad voice in my head over believing him.

@rhyestripes6059 2 года назад

youre basically the only person who talks about this on youtube whos advice doest grind my gears. Thank you

@Sugarfreak93 5 лет назад

Thank you for this video, Dr. Fox. I have found that my inner critic has grown immensely as I have gotten older. The best way to sum up how I feel is through the songs titled "Mr. Self Destruct" and "The Becoming" by Nine Inch Nails. It's kind of like I become my inner critic then self sabotage and then be left with the shame and self-hatred. However, I'm hoping that I can control and lessen it and with your videos and workbooks, I have much more faith in myself and my progress. Again, thank you.

@loveahusky 5 лет назад

Nikky Esparza I so “get it”

@WJFK480 4 года назад

I hear "you are nothing, you are worthless, you don't matter etc." but then I project it onto my husband, I tell him that he thinks those things about me and I become so angry at him for thinking those things about me. I try not to but then I feel like I am stuffing everything down inside of me and I have to let it out, then I hurt him by telling him that I know he doesn't care about me, he thinks I'm worthless, he doesn't think I'm important and it's like a continuous circle that happens maybe every couple months or so. Like it builds up and up until I start the fight again. I'll try this, thank you for the video.

@blkmnnswdn8487 5 лет назад

Thanks I needed to hear this.

@joleenfelio-pettit2813 5 лет назад

I don't normally comment but I want to say I appreciate the information you put out on your channel. I've got bpd and have been in therapy for about 6 yrs now and its been a struggle to say the least. I didn't find out i had bpd until i was in my 40s and I had a major melt down/mental break. Sometimes when I watch your videos, the things my therapist has said repeatedly finally clicks. Or I get a better understanding of what she has said to me. Its helped me so much in my ability to put those things into action and handle my disorder so much better. This particular video topic is me in a nut shell! I'm not sure what created the inner critic but I can relate to everything you have said, mostly in relationship settings. So I just want to thank you for all the hard work that goes into creating and posting these videos for others. It truly is making a difference in my life. ❤

@orangoetan2967 5 лет назад

Hi everyone. Especially for this topic, I can advise “The Work” by Byron Katie. The 4 questions (Is this true, can I absolutely know this is true, how do I feel/act when I believe this, and who would I be without this thought) have been of great help to me. Her tools and stuff are freely available on her website, and youtube shows many clips with examples. I can also recommend meditation talks by Tara Brach to help understand the dynamics and find calm. Very compassionate. Take care ♥️

@docnoproductions 3 года назад

Interesting learning the balance between the inner critic and people pleasing.

@PONYHEAVEN 2 года назад

I observe this inner critic a lot not only with myself but a lot with others. Way more with my female friends and family members. Why is that, I am exploring that. Kids also demean themselves more than adults, from my observation. I hear from you, for the first time, that this inner voice lies to us. Be blessed, Dr. Fox, for saying this.

@DrDanielFox 2 года назад

You’re welcome ☺️

@rexdyer9022 9 месяцев назад

Man this was really helpful, I couldn’t figure out why I always felt like I was attacking myself. I always assumed that little voice was just telling me the truth and I deserved the lesson it was giving me, however after self reflection and comparing it against reality I now know to ignore it and call it a liar. Thanks a ton dr Fox

@PomegranateStaindGrn 5 лет назад

This was incredibly painful to watch and process. I’m so used to trying to focus on how not to negatively affect loved ones but make enormous efforts not to look too deeply into self. Experienced those things you said - anxiety, fear, etc. - but, by the time it came to self facts, I was drowning in the internal criticisms. Ended the video in tears. Might have to come back to this later - now that I understand your intentions and can better prepare for the content/lesson.

@DrDanielFox 5 лет назад

Saulė Lovegood The video and the content will always be there for you when you are ready to consume it. Do it at your own pace and you certainly deserve to take your time, learn the material slowly, and apply it as best you can. Be patient with yourself and I wish you all the best.

@paulaclark-dyson4005 2 года назад

Thankyou soooo much for that video, I have been controlled by my inner critic for a lifetime and after a recent visit to see my psychologist was told that my inner critic isn't a conscious choice to rip myself apart so always thought it was my fault i'm thinking these self hatred comments and that in itself has helped me understand that I'm not trying to hurt myself and the people around me by acting out on what my inner critic tells me... So now, I will say out loud..... yeah, I've heard all this before and you cant hurt me now. Ive literally learnt this over the past few days so its still early days and I feel quite embarrassed saying this out loud but my BPD symptoms are destroying me and the people who love me, I still find it difficult to think of positive things that I've achieved but small steps for me at the moment. Thankyou from across the pond :-)

@zionsleepsyndromeandotherc7595 3 года назад

Your videos have helped me gain so much insight. I was able to recognize my inner critic for the first time because of this video and now I am actively combating it. Thank you for all you do. Please 🙏 keep making videos for us.

@TheKingdomofHeavenisHere 4 года назад

Dr. Fox thank you. You are saving my life. I never heard anyone explain me so well. I felt all the emotion of anger and even more self pity when you said the inner critic doesn't want you to know it. Then on the verge of tears you made me laugh because I'm a fan of the "thank you wave" as well. Thank you ❤

@sanayaqoob2545 5 лет назад

after practicing of recognizing and overcome my standard triggers and emotional buttons from so many days now ..i was about to asked you how to get control over my buttons as it just overwhelmed if 2 or 3 incidents occured at the same time and luckily u gave the answer in this video ... its so much helpful ... thanks alot you are really a saviour for bpds ... really admire you from core of my heart

@KonjikiKonjiki 2 года назад

This was so helpful today, espeically the part about the inner critic influencing us into self-neglect. I had to go no contact with my parents unexpectedly this year, I entered a big crisis and their instinct was to throw jet fuel on the flames to 'help'. So this in myt first year of NC and while M's Day was rough I got through it all right, not sure why, but now with F's Day coming up I am really sgtruggling with the mix of emotions. I'm used to being a dutiful child, to the point of grievous self-injury to accommodate my parents. Now that I've established that clear boundary, I know that I am hurting them out of necessity, not design.. This concept of inner critic is helpful to me right now because I can see how it steers me towards self-neglect. It's taken a lot of processing for me to start to see that me having to go NC is not my fault, there's no blame just reality that it's been necessary. There are circumstances where I would not have gone NC with them both, but the fact those circumstances did not come about was not my doing. My family ddynamics are the surest way to get me off track, so my inner critic is tapping into my grief over the loss / change of important relationships in my life and trying to transform it into guilt and a sense of selfishness.

@dianaboughner7977 5 лет назад

Thank you so much for sharing this with everyone. I do have an inner critic but I am also very aware of my inner attributes because of all the effort and determination to heal, learn, and move on with and without support. The inner critic rears its ugly head but I recognize it and notice how and when it presents, like when I am feeling stressed or overwhelmed. There are methods I have learned over the years to help myself stay more centered in the grateful and positive feelings. My desire to find mentors like yourself and keep on this healing path to strengthen the positive more and more is definitely my agenda. Again, thank you.

@christinamarich73 5 лет назад

Dr. Fox I so enjoy your videos but this one is among my favorites for sure tremendously helpful you were on point as always with the topic and again just demonstrates how well you understand the inner workings of an individual suffering from the symptoms of this condition. Just typing “thank you” doesn’t seem like enough but just know that you are helping so so many people with these videos, truly.

@amandal1716 5 лет назад

I really appreciate that you put a transcript in this video! I take notes and sometimes need to look back; so helpful! You are amazing!

@JS-ir7pt 5 лет назад

Thank you for selflessly sharing your wisdom. Your videos have been such a help with my understanding of BPD and they bring me hope. It’s relieving to know I am not the only person suffering with these ongoing negative thoughts and self-destructive behaviors.

@cangirl313 5 лет назад

Dr Fox, I am so appreciative of how you explain the “backstory “ of why I feel the way I do - why I have maladaptive behaviours - and how to work towards changing them. Seriously, even though I just finished learning some DBT skills (not the full program here in Canada unless you want to pay for it) and to be honest, I find your videos infinitely more helpful, engaging and easy to understand than all the Marsha Linehan videos we watched! Thank you for your videos and for having them accessible and free and for educating us and giving us HOPE!!!

@danieljnolan2856 4 года назад

Dr. Dan! Love your videos, your amazing! I too am a huge proponent of the “ Thank You “ wave 👋🏼 👍🏼🙏 much love from NY

@351cleavland 5 лет назад

Something comes to mind while watching this. For a few weekends, as I was learning about several religions for self-fullfillment and curiosity, I attended a Buddhist temple. In it, Monks spoke of the middle road or middle way. The middle way is neither optimistic nor pessimistic. All things are temporary. To me that means that feelings are also temporary. That means they come and they go. There is never any one feeling that a person is stuck upon unless there is an attachment keeping them there. THEN I think about this author, Karla McLaren in her book, The Language of Emotions, writing of "The Flow" of feelings and what they are like when people are stuck in emotions, when they are NOT expereincing emotions and what it is like when The Healthy Flow is happening!! The healthy flow is when an emotion comes up and is expereinced without being denied, altered or JUDGED for being right. It is Concern, Pleased, Confused, Angry, Cautious, Hopefull, etc..... That, to me, also means that thoughts CAN BE temporary. Our thoughts can become glued on an idea that has stuck with us. We can hold onto an old message as it may be the only one that we know with which to view to ourselves. We MAY get a NEW outside message from someone (You're okay), BUT we can EASILY discard it because IT isn't as familar as "not a good person." That thought of "I'm not good enough" is more familiar than "I am neither good nor bad. I just am" might seem less familar. Which one is more compassionate? Which message is rooted in reality? Which message offers you the chance for your beleifs to become unstuck? Am I attached to seeing myelf as bad? “Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralysed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds' wings.” ― Jelaluddin Rumi

@jvc8947 5 лет назад

I’m a little scared of this video. I feel like I have some borderline traits (ACE 10) but the MMPI2 short says no personality issues. (Officially Chronic PTSD, with some dissociation and psychosis under stress that is probably above the BPD threshold) I have a very loud and obnoxious inner critic (not related to psychosis) and also am a compulsive people pleaser. I am polite beyond almost anything else (married to someone w/ high Narc traits-16 years) and I have a gut feeling some of this doesn’t apply. I do argue with the voice but, especially in times of relational stress, it’s the loudest voice. This makes me afraid of becoming more codependent. I’ve been Ms. perfect for most of my 40 years and the voice doesn’t care. Any BPD traits are absolutely inward. I cannot stand yelling or conflict. It’s exhausting.

@freethegays 5 лет назад

Have you reached out to various professionals?

@jvc8947 5 лет назад

Yes. I’m I therapy weekly with a Phd level, 40 years experience-therapist. It’s just slow going. Thank you for your reply.

@rebeccaed2018 5 лет назад

Quiet borderline? Could explain how you feel some of the traits but you're not the stereotypical dramatic/impulsive bpd.

@meganlangreck2488 5 лет назад

There is a lot of overlap between many other disorders and BPD. Some other disorders also have the Inner Critic.

@christinejones7245 2 года назад

Hi I pray for all of us I just ran through your comment and it's like you're mean exactly what you stated is exactly goes for myself more I'm also 51 years old been raised by a narcissist's mother and married to a nurse's husband for 32 years and I'm a domestic violence survivor I have suffer from BBG and everything that you mentioned is my exact words I'm struggling so much and listen to Dr Fox helps me so much I'm going to continue on looking and watching cuz unfortunately my Dr that I have they're not helping me at all it doesn't have a size clue I need a Doctor like Dr Fox and unfortunately I don't have that doctorate and I'm still seeking to get the help services support that I need is a really big struggle for me words can't describe I pray for all of us this is very serious for me everything that I'm going through blessings to everyone

@christinamarich73 5 лет назад

I wanted to share something a bit anecdotal regarding My own personal journey with my friend “the inner critic”. Most of my entire adult life I’ve been enough to a few different therapists and I often joked that I had a few treats in my behavior that were BPD-ish in nature LOL I would always chuckle I also would mention that I saved these special behaviors for my partner relationships because those Folks were most special and therefore most deserving of them (again chuckle chuckle right? Ha ha) I thought your video was so insightful because I did hit a breaking point in my life where my inner critic voice got really quite loud and started to become powerful and took over and my behaviors got out of hand as a result because when you feel like you’re a piece of****you tend to act like one right? I began to act out what I felt was feeling inside and suddenly felt I didn’t know who I was anymore etc .. let’s just say I was ONE HOT MESS. it was bad:...really bad! I experienced a few episodes of dissassociative amnesia - TOTAL black outs which flipped me out quite a bit. I read up and could only arrive with a Self diagnoses of BPD. Still, I said not a word to the mental health professionals I was meeting with that month. But my efforts were in vain that Nystrom also see its condition who was assessing me for ADHD And results indicated that the ADHD assessment was inconclusive and she thought there was “something more going on.” SHe mentioned BPD to me a dozen or more times but not once in her written report. she wanted to do more testing, I went.home and tried as hard as I could to digest the information!!! Was it possible I had BPD and it had been missed ? I was 42!!! I kept coming back to the core symptoms of BPD I always read about - 1) splitting and 2) lack of a sense of self and I kept saying “that’s not me”. & “people aren’t all good or all bad” and “I don’t feel like I don’t know who I am” See?? I DONT have this condition!!! But then I watched YOUR video on splitting and videos by Kris Godinez “we need to talk” on “sense of self” and those two videos gave me a WHOLE new perspective!!!! your video on splitting helped me to understand that splitting doesn’t always look or feel the way that it’s described in the textbooks. like for me personally it’s more of a desire to feel like I have to know or figure something out “right now” my black-and-white is more of an all or nothing kind of thing Or if I know somebody and I feel like that person is a certain way or has certain characteristics and then they behave outside of those characteristics then I can’t resolve that in my mind and an app and I will not be able to stop thinking about it obsessively and it will make me insane. So just getting a validation from you that splitting behavior and splitting that black-and-white thinking isn’t the same for everybody helped me to except my diagnosis and that help me to start my path to healing. Kris’ Video was about the inner critic and THAT voice being the person’s lack of a sense of self . I had searched and searched and searched RU-vid for a video on this topic and found nothing and yet instinctively I felt it was key. These TWO videos hit home for me changed my life forever for. The better!! thank you to both of you because you saved my life! And thank you AGAin for this TOPIC because now it’s video #2 SO VALUABLE !!!! - oh and FYI my diagnosis was changed about a month ago from BPD to C-PTSD. and it was your video, Dr Fox on the overlap among the two helped me accept THAT Dx as well Another pivotal point in my healing journey- Thx again!

@kevinwilusz7767 4 года назад

This is truly the magic of getting better after years of struggling and running from that voice waking up in the darkest of places I would have to be numb to quiet the voice all of these behaviors landed me in the system for close to 30 years and I found out about this and thought stopping techniques and slowly with some setbacks I am changing and today I’m grateful for all I’ve been through it made me who I am this day! Any one who’s struggling HOLD on don’t give up keep getting back up things will get better you are not broken it’s all part of the journey of getting better !! Your story is powerful somebody out here needs to hear your story for enough inspiration to make it through their struggle!! We don’t have to do this alone !! Doc. Fox thank you for shedding some light on another symptom !!!

@strela1 5 лет назад

Ah the punitive figure that scolds us in our heads in a never ending loop. Thank you so much for this post.

@rayashleigh494 5 лет назад

Thank you for this video. i was awaiting something like this as i feel not enough people talk about this. Its scary and hard to deal with a constant voice saying negative things. I guess i need to learn to ignore it. Thanks again though ❤

@christinamarich73 5 лет назад

couldn’t agree more ! I think this could almost be listed among criteria but what do I know lol 🤷🏻‍♀️

@notorious-00j99 3 года назад

I literally just caught myself thinking”if I’m not a complete failure then why have I failed at everything up until now ? “ definitely got stressed when you called “inner critic a liar”

@rosaliagallo931 4 года назад

I have never been in a tsunami...but I thank you wave all the time. :)

@himmelblau23 4 года назад

Basically, at its heart the inner critic that lies to us and seeks to harm and destroy us is the voice of the devil. It gained a foothold in our lives through painful experiences and negative messages planted in us when we were young and vulnerable. Thank you Dr Fox for helping to set us free. I hope everyone who watches this video is helped to see themselves as the lovely, valuable worthwhile person that God created.

@katiemcclain0 5 лет назад

Thank you, Dr. Fox, for sharing these videos. As someone who meets all the criteria of BPD but has few options due to living in a rural area and having a full plate as a mother of three (and sole parental figure most of the time) and full time faculty, your videos have been very helpful in my self-help journey.

@dominikazawadzka5091 4 года назад

Thank you so much! This is a very, very hard and intense work, I feel flooded with emotions and memories but I know it's time to get through this so that it doesn't have such a grip on me. Some of my believes are with me since I was a child, I guess I learned it when I was a toddler, and I can't even imagine what it would be like if I didn't believe this. So I guess I will take this process slowly, tackling the "easier" believes first. Thank you, this is so helpful!

@jasmine2592 5 лет назад

Thank you Dr. Fox. The way you explain and describe things actually makes sense to me. I wish you were here in Canada, because there aren’t very many doctors who are willing to take on BPD patients. I was diagnosed 3 years ago with BPD, depression and PTSD. Your videos have helped me and I’m very grateful.

@taanu6104 4 года назад

I have not been officially diagnosed as BPD...but this video resonated so much with me. I was shaking my head in agreement all the while and could come up with all the little positive things I did in the past 24hrs. Thank you Dr. Fox.

@derrick9635 3 года назад

I'm new to my BPD realisation ,in hindsight I can see the sign posts .a therapist years ago said ide the strongest inner critic hed ever seen,sadly he didn't have the mindset to pass me onto a better qualified expert like yourself DR fox. Your patients are very lucky to be on the receiving end of your expertise.

@Joy_Tellz 3 года назад

I was diagnosed BPD and bipolar 2 back in 2014 after having a severe drug psychosis and never really treated my BPD but just "bipolar 2" years later I got rediagnosed and I exhibit all signs of BPD which made sense because I came from a childhood with emotionless parents with their own unresolved trauma and a lot of invalidation. I just started my exploring BPD a couple of months ago and Im so grateful for your services Dr. Daniel Fox! my inner critic is a big problem for me and its frustrating when my family members can't understand why it feels so overwhelming and intense for me

@cassiesews Год назад

just found your channel today. I subscribed and ordered your workbook. My BPD has been quite intense lately. This will be my hardest task. I am to the point in sincerely believe the inner critic IS the correct one. I hope I can make some progress on this. thanks.

@kateskeys 4 года назад

Thanks Dr Fox for all your great videos. Much appreciated!

@SarahJEveryday 5 лет назад

This was really helpful to hear. I really needed to hear this today. Thank you, Dr. Fox!

@PoisonelleMisty4311 5 лет назад

this videos are so healing. thank you

@priscilla3583 4 года назад

You are fantastic! You have a calming way about you and you GET IT! Thank you for sharing your amazing videos. May only good things come your way always! You are truly a godsend!

@LovelyTeacher333 5 лет назад

Gracias por su ayuda Dr. Fox!! 👏👏👏

@My_klei Год назад

You're channel is a blessing you seem to really care thank you Dr

@cangirl313 5 лет назад

Thank you. This was so helpful! Some of the best explanations out there

@sloppylobsty9171 4 года назад

I love your videos so much, they help me immensely, and I just got your workbook for Christmas, very excited about it. Thank you so much for everything you do to help people, you are truly appreciated.

@RaEe26 5 лет назад

Thank you so much. I need to hear this things. Greetings from Turkey 🇹🇷

@monamohamed51 5 лет назад

Thanks a lot Dr Daniel for this video and all your other videos, they are very helpful. Could you please make a video about BPD and eating disorders, what is the connection between them?

@snowinglullaby 4 года назад

When I got to the part of you saying to think of things that I have accomplished or done, I immediately thought "absolutely nothing" and you called me out on that.... I had to pause the video and take a minute to compose myself. BPD is hard enough, but I've become physically ill in recent years and have been diagnosed with a genetic condition that will never go away and I have become disabled because of it. I didn't know I had BPD prior to becoming sick, and learning how to cope and make myself as healthy as I can with two completely separate illnesses that could potentially undo the progress of the other if I'm not careful.... it's very overwhelming and isolating. Thank you for your videos and compassion and understanding and willing to be there for and teach us even if it's only through youtube.

@sandyjpsouza8681 4 года назад

Thank you for all your videos. It has saved me throught simply explain what have happened all my life inside my head, that aways turned things so horrible and almost intolerable and hurtful. There are many videos here that made me cry, because for the first time, the things I thought, were a terrible defect of my self, because of your description I could notice that I am not so blamed about that, even I know is still my responsability to fight against it. Because its like a inherent thing of my brain, and I did not choose devolope this. But how to fight is something you are teaching me too, in a way I've never had seen someone doing. Neither my therapist... Thank you for all that. The most difficult thing in my opinion, for a borderline person, is to fight against themselves inside. Against this fucking inner voice (sorry for the words). And you are helping so much showing this is possible. I'm 24 woman, from Brazil and here things about depression, even more about borderline, are really neglected. What turns difficult to find help. I am still trying all my best, but sometimes, I would like really much have some kind of specialised therapist like you, more close... At least RU-vid exists! Congratulations for your work here.

@sofiya90 4 года назад

Hi Dr. Fox, I like how you recorded this video outside. The sounds of nature and your voice and advice makes this a very pleasant video to listen to considering this is a heavy topic.

@anthonytheninja1099 3 года назад

I love your videos every time I get into negative Or depressive mode i watch and video and I feel so much better. I'm learning and I learn from you. Thank you very much

@PeterHenrichsen 4 года назад

Great video as usual, love the humour! :D Thanks, Dr. Daniel Fox!

@lesliepfeifer8518 5 лет назад

Big brown understanding eyes. Thank you

@alightvlogging 4 года назад

That one really made me anxious! Sitting here trying to think of a fact I can fire at my inner critic that shows I'm not worthless and everything I thought of I was "that doesn't count, that's a lie not a fact" etc etc

@ajc2208 5 лет назад

Thank you for the fantastic insights and strategies.

@danicamargarit6832 3 года назад

I've only recently realized that I probably have BPD (I live in Mexico very much still on lock down so getting diagnosed is another hurdle), and your videos have been invaluable to me. Thank you so much Dr.

@michaelj2005 4 года назад

Complex PTSD BPD WXYZ a normal person trying to get through the day. You do a good job thanks for your effort.

@divinegrace5002 4 года назад

Thanks dr fox ur videos/workbook is hugely helping me thanks soooo much

@SureEh1 4 года назад

After years of addiction and self destructive behavior your videos have described me 100% ...I have never been able to figure out what is wrong with me. Life doesnt feel real and my identity is always changing depending on the day or the people im surrounding myself with..my inner critic is so critical and paralizing. thank you so much for the insight and i am going to go to counselling again and see if I can get help. I just ordered your book.

@esmesanders8170 4 года назад

Thank you so much for this informative video Dr. Fox! Something that has been on my mind is how do we challenge our inner critic when there’s a lot of proof that we are those bad things? Especially critical voices from others who love us pointing out these toxic behaviours. It seems like a vicious cycle of acting in bad ways, the inner critic is pleased that it has proof you are bad, and then not being able to refute the critic with facts because you did indeed act out when you didn’t want to.

@paulaptre 5 лет назад

It’s amazing how you get what happens within us! It’s very cool! Friday I heard this voice talking to me and wanting me to stop taking care of me and I got it: “everything that you are saying it’s not true!!! It’s just not true” It was very funny and so so so important!!!! Yes it is very important to be aware of this!!! 🤩

@sinnersprayers Год назад

Thanks you for making these videos, I really needed this right now ❤

@DrDanielFox Год назад

You are so welcome!

@yourenough3 3 года назад

You are an amazing human. Thank you! Cannot wait till your new book is out and ready to purchase. I have been on a downward spiral lately and quite depressed. I feel my shame so hard its making me drink and me and drinking are a disaster. I am so disappointed in myself lately. Why did I have to turn out broken? Thanks Dr. Fox

@thehighpriestess8431 5 лет назад

I can’t wait to receive my book !

@kandycrush6433 4 года назад

Great video again Dr fox,,,love u for making these videos really helpful love u my life changed for better cause of Ur videos xxx

@NC-gm2lb 5 лет назад

Thank you for the video. I like the background.

@user-tq3sk8gv6y Год назад

U r gonna be my heroo, thank u so much🙏🏼

@baileyhallfilms Год назад

thanks this was interesting video dr. fox very thought provoking

@jennamorden2366 3 года назад

I want to thankyou for this, my bpd has been really bad since the pandemic and I am struggling with my small business. My inner critic is tearing my life apart, everytime I make a small mistake I get so upset that I can't even work. Anyways, just wanted to say you have some very good videos, I have seen alot of mental health videos that talk alot about the problem but give no guidance on solutions. Please keep doing what your doing, because I think you help more people then you could every realize.thankyou.

@lauragonzalezcarra7832 3 года назад

Thank you!!great video

@deborahberry6455 3 года назад

It’s not just what you continually hear, I feel it’s also how you are continually are made to feel

@sarahs413 4 года назад

Thank you for providing examples about the "how-to's" bc I am finding that when my specialized therapist in this disorder, I get a big question mark over my head of confusion or my mind goes blank to even put thoughts or feelings into words. (Last serious relationship, I already had these thoughts and topping it off, I was TOLD these things, TREATED exactly what you're describing of the inner critic, etc., which led to finally exploding into a verbal lash-out and have had problems with SO much of the BPD, and the traumas I have been through to land with C-PTSD were used as a form of sick punishment when I didn't do SOMETHING the way that was expected of me (I HIGHLY recommend watching the show on Netflix "Jessica Jones" for this and notice the way the videography shows emotion, watching her behaviors, the mind-controller is even shown sitting with a chessboard in front of him at a glimpse which may not be noticed by others. He hit her INNER CRITIC majorly as well. Marvel REALLY did their research on this show!!!) ..... I could go on and on but I won't on here so no one gets triggered somehow .... ). ANYWAY, this giant question mark just completely above my head when I don't get examples. Watching these help me every day, so THANK YOU!! I had NO IDEA I even had this until about a month ago, and can be in mid-thought and then my mind goes blank of the topic or what I was going to say (I'm not sure what to think of THAT concern if it's common with people with BPD ...... ). A lot of damage was certainly done, and now I'm also trying to reflect back on years before with the new realization that yes, I HAVE had this for years and years and never even saw it. It was just buried and had no clue. This inner critic was being punched at to my CORE, and little did I know that when I said that in private to a close friend, the word CORE was going to end up being a BPD diagnosis with hearing "CORE Concept" ..... I hope I wasn't too wordy here. Just, thank you for what you do and the examples you provide which help erase the bold question mark over my head There are days or parts of days when it may not be as noticed and obvious and then times like right now when THIS video brought up a lot that hit the target that led to being diagnosed after so many years. Much appreciated to hear your videos and watch and hear and know that this can be reigned in again over time.

@redpillproductionscanada5563 3 года назад

I didn't realize this "inner critic" existed, I spent many years thinking maybe I was schizophrenic because of this "inner critic". I find it to be very destructive looking back on the last couple decades and how it manipulated me to make decisions I wouldn't have otherwise.

@highway39 5 лет назад

A pleasure to hear this. It is almost surreal as I was discussing this very concept with my Canadian therapist. I am privilaged to a) have access to your videos and b) I swear we met serendipitously at a David Byrne concert which.was.quite healing in and of itself.

@DrDanielFox 5 лет назад

+Dave On highway39 that’d be a great place to meet 🦊👍

@33Shaunna 3 года назад

At 8 minutes in I had to turn off the video and take a break because I got scared. I’m even getting scared writing this message and might delete it afterwards. I’m holding back my tears. I hate this feeling. It feels like I’m falling.