"Emotional Tsunami" - I don't think I've ever heard a more accurate description. I often use the word "overwhelmed" but it falls short of how debilitating these numerous emotions actually are.
Hi Candice, you may also want to check our video on 2 Reasons Why You Should Care About Your Emotions at ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-cMfQSYDrSm8.html. In this video, we cover the 2 main reasons why you should care about your emotions including their influence and their impact.
Sometimes I have very high mood but I feel very bad about it . like iam trapped in happiness..or something filling inside me.I don't know it's happiness or not.nothing seems positive.but I think its good and seems everything perfect .I feel out of touch with my reality.at that time I just miss the feeling of sadness.i tend to avoid every one,I avoid doing anything.i forget get everything in the past and I just wanted to end my life .I don't feel anything.i feel like iam not myself and I try to destroy my life.i can't even study a single paragraph.i Am so overwhelmed with thoughts ....I feel very dumb.like some one saying overly postive affirmations in my mind and make me feel like worthless... after some days icame to reality and I feel very sad about everything and very empty.I also Very intense emotion.i don't what is happening.? What is wrong with me.i don't know English that much because it's not my first language .but I need help.i don't remember a normal me.
When someone or a thought, triggers me, I feel overwhelmed, mentally drained, exhausted. I can't shake off the feeling that I'll probably die alone. Nobody will ever put up with this shit
This might be off topic but I've been reading research that says for women who experience PMDD and BPD, their BPD symptoms will be much worse during this time (around 10-7 days before a period). I just wanted to put that out there in case it might be helpful to someone.
I have BPD & I've personally noticed a connection with my mental health worsening in the time frame before my cycle begins. I feel a sense of relief after my period starts and for a few days after my cycle I feel leveled out/ level headed/ somewhat normal.. If that makes sense? So really I only have a few days out of a month that I feel like a fully functional human. I always wish that feeling would last but it doesn't. The rollercoaster starts right back up. It's exhausting.
Anyone cry really easily? I feel like my whole life I fear confrontation because no matter what I will cry. I notice there is a difference between myself and the average person. 💕
That's because we're not learning how to analyse and validating our feeling its just feels to much for us. Just remember whatever you feel is valid that is ok. Now to react, first we need to think before react.
Pauline, I'm so ashamed of how I am crying all the time. Mostly, when I'm having thoughts of family who never saw me as anything but a cry baby and trouble maker. Attention seeker, etc. Always telling me to STOP being so sensitive, STOP CRYING, It's not that bad, or it's alright, thoughts can't hurt you! That's a lie! I'm crying now writing this now
I cry at the least little thing everyday. Whenever I feel questioned, unheard, put on the spot, definitely when I'm feeling overwhelmed or anxious. The worst is trying to discuss my thoughts and feelings with my therapist, daughter or best friend (ex-husband). I can't stop feeling like I'll never be able to have a conversation about myself to anyone. So that's led me to stop going around strangers (out in public) unless necessary, but never discussing my real personal life or issues. I have no one left to talk to about anything that really bothers me. I feel ashamed about sharing all the time with my ex and some things with my adult child. They don't want to nor need to worry about me. I want to be mean and hateful like so many people have been to me. Acting like I could care less about what's being said or done to me. It would be so much easier to live life.
May b do na the MBTI personality test . See what you come up b with and see if thats you . Will make sense and hopefully give you some good food for thought
I’m showing my boyfriend this. I struggle with the tsunami emotions when I’m feeling “insulted” in my head and I hate it so much. I know better and I know he doesn’t mean to hurt ME and it’s not a personal attack... maybe just constructive criticism taken the wrong way. Ugh it’s rough but he’s a patient guy and I’m very lucky.
I absolutely loathe when people minimizes the validity of my feelings. I try to use the skills I have picked up from DBT and Anger Management. This week, I have attempted to address what is a very valid issue of lack of communication and disrespect. I kept being put off and did give space, and attempted to address it in a non confrontational way, but got put off and it felt very invalidated. I made it 5 days before ripping into the person who rebuffed me and cut really deep. The next day, I am so embarrassed and remorseful. I am sure that friendship is unsalvageable at this point. I have been in bed crying all day hating that I'm like this.
Its not tour fault the person disregarded your emotions. You had every reason to blow up after multiple attempts to say something. Don't hate yourself just because this person didn't respect you.
I've watched many of your videos before but literally am doing a netflix like binge. This is probably also my first youtube comment ever but I really respect the way you approach bpd and it's comorbidities. With so much stigma on our shoulders even by professionals it's heart warming to watch someone who obviously is passionate about their profession and also treats us (the borderlines) with kindness, educating and factual information. I currently admin three bpd groups and making a bpd website hub of info (included many shares to your videos) lol, to help people, well hopefully to have not feel one minute of the suffering I've lived with. I've been through the wringer in a subpar public health system with the list of illnesses I've found myself with.,,,so if one person can be helped brilliant. Anyway got a lifetime subscriber, it's dedicated and non judgemental people like yourself that gives hope.
I feel like most of my Turmoil are stemming from powerlessness as I did not have voice and choice in very long time. I will try to apply some of what you suggested. Side note, I really like your background
I was thinking of being an organic toothpaste, I'm thinking and orange box, and I'm so over peppermint so let's make it aniseed flavour. It can't be too cheap and not too expensive. And a chemical free packaging Anyone want to buy.... ? All my love to you Ohhh and Mr Fox was that an isle of window seat? From your friend in Australia... Perfect video thank you.
My triggers are when the guy I am dating is checking out other women in front of me, when I am criticized or put-down and disrespected in any other way. My physical symptoms are I feel my heart racing and a heaviness. My mental symptoms are anger, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, rage, uneasiness, unable to calm down, racing thoughta, mood swings and unable to sit still.
Sandra DiBiaso - are you sure he’s doing that? I used to be with a guy with bpd and he would create those types of situations totally in his head - and then blame me. It was ridiculous.
This brings up an interesting topic, I think. In the past I dated some people who weren't always that kind and I let them off the hook because I thought it was probably my distorted perceptions and not accurate. But in other relationships there were times when it definitely was my distorted perceptions and they weren't doing anything wrong. It made it very hard to trust myself to judge whether someone was treating me right. That has gotten easier but it took a lot of work.
Sandra DiBiaso it happens to me too!! I start to tremble and shake and stuff can’t control my breathing and it makes me feel crazy and he thinks I’m just “jealous” but idk how to explain that it’s deeper
So many RU-vidrs do a great job describing BPD and where it comes from and how it manifests, but you are the only one I’ve really found who provides ways to cope. I appreciate your videos so much ❤️
I’m so glad to have language to put to what I’m feeling. I’ve been calling these emotional turmoils breakdowns because I didn’t know what else to call them. Thank you!
Is destroying important relationships a form of self harm? Because that seems to be the "outcome" for me when I slip into emotional dysregulation. My carotid begins to ache (trauma related). I am diagnosed officially with PTSD (knife attack) but am not totally at ease with the diagnosis myself as I continue to grow and groan sometimes in self awareness. Not to mention all the other traumas along the way and there were many. Where I Ilive we essentially have a "one stop mental health shop" (not knocking it as I am on my third dbt stint). There is pretty much only talk therapy with ( thank you Marsha Linehan) DBT. I think I need work with core content issues. CAN I do that by actually using worksheets like your own to start working on how for example I am communicating with my inner child?. And how to build healthier forms of self talk..My therapist is young. Is it unreasonable to think my therapist could help me in this journey while (herself) being on a learning curve? I guess only she could answer that one with any accuracy. Us Canadians eh? So many questions...so many issues.
When I feel like I’m in an emotional tsunami I tend to starve myself and restrict my eating even more than I regularly do. I have no idea how to combat these feelings when it triggers a whole other problem in itself that oddly makes me feel in control and proud of myself.
I 100% support the suggestion of writing it out. I write letters to people who upset me without giving it to the person. Gah, I wish I had done that this week.
So those with BPD have been mistreated/traumatized when young, by no fault of their own. As a result, they are hated as adults. Said to be purposely difficult. When that is not the intention.
I have BPD and I desperately been trying to reach out for help and therapy but nothing in my area deals with this. Know one dose CBT DBT or EMDRMM I live in Virginia nere North Carolina Mount Airy. I'm at my ropes end because I'm going after a separation with my wife and she will not give me a definitive answer she just says she doesn't know yet it could be a year or so. I'm desperately trying to get help and better myself so I can be happy by myself and then try to work on us I don't know what to do where I live mental illness is poorly with the pond and the counseling services are awful and all they do is throw medication at you and they do not teach you how to cope with anything.
This is great. I've actually tallked about the tsunami/avalanche feeling when trying to express how I feel but of course, nobody gets it. Also the toothpaste analogy is brilliant, like everything is trapped inside and being squeezed but s lid is stopping it coming out. Brilliant. Dr fox really gets it.
I’m not sure if you’ve talked about this but could you do a video on the flip side of emotional turmoil? I used to be extremely emotional and reactive but for the past year I’ve experienced chronic emptiness & a general lack of ability to feel anything but mild anxiety or frustration. I’m not sure if there’s a reason for those feelings so it’d be great to hear your thoughts
I ROAM ALONE it’s definitely wayyyy easier to cope with than the emotional extremes, but it makes it difficult to enjoy anything or have meaningful relationships. I wish I could be somewhere in the middle rather than too emotional or too empty
It's really helpfull, it really is Dr. Fox. This video couldn't actually come at a better time for me. I just pre order you Workbook on BPD. Anxious to start working with it. Greetings to you nd keep doing your videos.!!!!
This has been extremely helpful. I've improved a lot since I started therapy, but so far I hadn't been helped yet to find a way to avoid these emotional turmoils to happen. I felt them coming and couldn't prevent them. Now I've learned new strategies. Thank you.
Yep! I'm so empty and lonely, isolated, no friends or family trying to raise 2 boys on my own, not working etc. I'm in a constant state of emotional turmoil that I've now completely physically and mentally shut down. Can't even leave the house due to paranoia. I'm experiencing extreme anhedonia. After watching this I'm going to go get out of the house and try a little walk. Have to push myself for my boys. Thanks Dr. Fox 👍
OK , so I feel this way . I am starting to believe that , even though I sometimes think I am losing my mind , and I am sick and tired of false and shallow people in a false and shallow society , I also think , what if it`s not me that`s sick and insane , what if the society I belong to is actually sick and insane , and what troubles me the most , is being surrounded by people , who are happy to participate in a sick and insane society . I think it`s time I gave myself a break , and said " FUCK THE WORLD AND MOST OF IT`S PEOPLE " , I`m going to do everything I can to escape this insane merry-go-round , and if you want to attach a label to yourself , so you can identify your own particular insanity , then I truly feel for you , but can only say , good luck and catch you in another life .
Dr Fox is so accessible, I love how succinct and focused these videos are, thank you so much. they're great for dealing with my own BPD and for sharing with those close to me
i always freak out and push them away then cry because i pushed them away. and they get tired of it and leave it always is my fear of them leaving that’s makes them actually leave they liked me for who i was before i became obsessed
It's obvious that you do these videos because you truly care about others & want to help people understand themselves & live their best life. Thank you for these, Dr. Fox. I've been binge watching your videos-- they are so helpful & informative! ❤️
I really like your work, I have learned a lot. You said something that really clicked with me, and I know it is True. My vision gets narrowed, it gets naroowed, after a few days everything is fine, answers come, I understand, my vision opens up. Soooooo, I think next time my buttons get pushed I am 'like a mantra' tell myself "my vision is narrow right now, I don't see the full picture' I rhink it is really going to help me separate from the buttons getting activated In fact, going to practice it even in meditation, so I know I can call on it when I need to. I really think this will help me..... lets see
No, these are really separate issues. Some folks with BPD have difficulty with relationships and emotions, but never to the level of ASD. I tried to do a video on this, but the outline wouldn't come together because they really don't fit. I know some folks think they have both but there are such stark differences, I just cannot conceptualize how they could exist together. I'd be curious to hear what makes folks think they fit; I never claim to know everything about BPD (beware those who do and any PD or issue) and we're all learning as we go and grow :)
@@DrDanielFox I too have wondered if I have ASD (maybe especially Asperger's) instead of or in addition to BPD. This is because my symptoms seem to align strongly with ASD: discomfort around people (the greater the number of them the higher my anxiety), dissociating in response to stress, very low frustration threshold, volatile uncontrollable mood swings, repetitive motions (tapping, jiggling feet, fidgeting), frequently overwhelmed by too much light, or noise, or movement across my field of view; lose ability to speak when overwhelmed; physically shaking from fear or exhaustion or emotional overwhelm; can't think coherently when overwhelmed (need a pet or object or favorite person to help me stabilize); inability to handle personal finances (My husband is the legal payee for my SSDI checks). These don't seem to fit with BPD, yet I'm also bad with relationships, anxious, depressed, feel inferior and unworthy, have attempted suicide twice, and engage in both self harm and homicidal rages. I've been on MANY medical prescription regimens with limited success, have been hospitalized 4 times in 14 years, and am a recovering alcoholic. So, I beg you, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!.
have same symptoms and have been diagnosed BPD but also wondered if I has aspergers. Also I don't like to look people in the eye and people seem to have trouble understanding me when I speak but say that I can write very effectively.@@debram5650
@@DrDanielFox I'll tell ya why I think/thought I might have autism. It mostly started, because a shrink on the phone said the way I speak is very precise and well thought out. And it’s something he recognizes people with ASS do. He also said lots of women with ASS get misdiagnosed with BPD. Someone at my internship (a social worker) thinks I might have ASS too. But his reasons for it don’t really make sense to me, such as: having a strong sense of justice and feeling the need to act on it, being unsure about during with meeting to bring up a topic (categorizing) and the fact that I comforted the manager during a meeting and that being unexpected behavior of an intern. The woman was crying, no one was saying or doing anything. I wanted to do something to comfort her. As far as I know I might have autism because: 1. Almost compulsive need to tell the truth exactly how it is. Being better at writing my thoughts down than articulating them in the moment. 2. Being overwhelmed with the large amount of possibilities/causes of situations. (When stressed mostly). 3. Being overwhelmed by amount of tasks that have to be done. 4. Bad at prioritizing tasks. 5. Awful sense of navigation. 6. Sensitivity to loud noises. 7. Exhausting to play all kinds of roles in different social situations. 8. Social hangover -> need solitude to calm down after social contact. 9. Repeating (overanalyzing) conversations in my head. A big reason why I might not have autism is: strong sense of empathy. A lot of these issues I stated are related to problems with the executive functions in the brain. And maybe because I got bullied for a long time in different schools, the trauma kept my brain from developing properly in some ways. Lol that sounds depressing, but whatever shit happens. Also people with AD(H)D experience problems with executive functions in the brain too. And my father has ADD so maybe I got some of that? I don’t know. Does it even matter? If you know what your problems are and can articulate them, then finding fitting help shouldn’t be too hard. But over here (Holland) they are desperate to label everything, because otherwise “we cannot give you the proper help!”.
@@davidgray1515 I think that a lot of these issues can be caused by PTSD. And that's the trouble. Do you dislike looking people in the eyes cause you've had bad experiences and have trouble trusting people or is it from autism? A lot of symptoms can overlap with other disorders.. but unless we have trouble understanding social cues and recognizing emotions and such in others.. I don't see how we'd have autism. With our amygdala being more active than normal it's expected we experience overwhelmed reactions from social interactions. It doesn't necessarily mean we have autism.
Dr. Fox, It would be helpful with some of your videos if you could have someone acting out the topic especially on this video. It can be difficult to practice these techniques if you cant identify or relate to practicing these techniques especially if you mostly in a dissociative or disconnected state. Thank you
I also struggle with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type and alot of depression. I pull away from anyone in my life when it gets bad, not to harm others but to recover quicker. I still havnt found anyone who can understand what im dealing with, so when it gets bad, my experience so far is the pick up your bootstraps/buckup whammy. The hallucinations get bad i really withdraw so i can work through it without being put down, told i need to be in a mental hospital, and reduce anxiety before hypervigilance takes over which prolongs recovery. When im extremely depressed i try to reach out by hanging out with those in my life doing what activity they want or just watching a movie with them or talking about all sorts of stuff. Havnt had luck with that either, get blown off alot. Then when manic everything is peachy from them. I get the comment "why cant you be like this all the time, its all in your head" alot. Drives me crazy because i know this cycle do whats within my ability to, for lack of a better word, calm before i go manic and reach out for emotional support before i become suicidal. Throw in bpd discouraged and adhd and its quite a rollercoaster. Especially since ive been on every antidepressant, mood stabilizer, and antisychotic available with no improvement and other treatments havnt helped. So maybe now you might be able to see how a helper acting out topics could help others and myself who have alot going on.
I am internal. Keep my mouth shut, Do as little damage as posible. Just get through it with th tools that I have. Mindfulness is big. Cycling is excellent. Mostly I just keep to myself because I know that is not the truth it is just passing storm.
Glad you mentioned this. I have both BPD and ADHD. I have the hardest time completing tasks & staying focused on one thing. Constantly scattered. I've tried medication- Adderall, Ritalin, Vivance... It seemed to make my brain more scattered. Have you experienced that as well with Medicine?
Yes please!!! Bpd and ADHD along with mdd, anxiety, cptsd. It is a nightmare. I am an avid researcher and there is very minimal information on bpd and comorbid ADHD. It is so so very much needed!!! Thank you for all you do. Kinda need you as my therapist. No one like you exists.
@@YOUAreTheSecretToLife Wait really? Iirc either 25% of people with ADHD in their childhood develop BPD, or 25% of people who have BPD had ADHD in their childhood. Either way, it's crazy a topic like this is so underresearched
Dr. Fox I have a question. Do all people diagnosed with BPD self harm, like cutting? I have BPD but I'm not really a cutter, so my psychiatrist thinks I don't have BPD because I don't cut. Yet, in the past, I've been diagnosed with BPD many times by different therapists and psychiatrists.
+Brandi George not all people with BPD self-harm or cut. this is a common misconception and leads to a lot misdiagnosis. Cutting is only 1 of the 9 criteria for BPD.
I watch your videos every day. Sixteen years ago, when I was 21, I was diagnosed with BPD when I was in the Marine Corps. I am pretty much the poster child for the disorder since I have every symptom and my actions and history only prove it. As far as I can remember, even before my diagnosis, I had all the signs and symptoms of BPD. Fast forward until a few months ago, at 37 years old and a very destructive history and a tremendous amount of loss due to my decision making, mostly with intimate relationships, I have decided to learn all I need to learn about BPD and seek treatment. I cannot find a therapist that's available and I'm on a waiting list, so in the meantime I ordered your workbook and watch your videos all the time. I didn't realize the severity of this disorder and I let it go... It's gotten to the point where it's ruined my life and the lives of other people by the hurts and chaos I created in their lives. I will never use this disorder as a crutch and blame it for any of the decisions I made in my life, BPD or not, I accept full responsibility for the where I ended up in life and the lives I hurt along the way. However, by me letting it go, it has caused me to make my life and lives of other people very difficult. I just want to let you know that all you're doing for us, the one's that feel as though we're always fighting this internal battle alone... The constant war we fight every day in our hearts, you know and understand and encourage us that there is hope and we can control it. I lost everything, but your insight and knowledge you're sharing with all of us with BPD has been helping me tremendously. I know there's no cure for this disorder, but I've finally gotten to the point in my life where I want BPD to be apart of me... And not me be apart of it. I just wanted to say thank you for helping so many of us out that are just looking for answers and to finally be in control of BPD and our lives. Once again, thank you for being so self less and doing what you do for so many of us.
M.VanFleet.84, Can you share with me how you have been able to not blame your BPD for the bad decisions and things you have either done or still do? I am about to turn 50 in a few weeks and I was only diagnosed about 4 years ago. I have a nurse practitioner who prescribes meds, and a therapist I talk to for 15 minutes every 2 weeks, (Government facility on a Grant), so I have only the internet and books to get good information about my disease. How are you not angry and how do you seriously not blame a disorder you didn't know you had for being a tornado of devastation to your life? Thanks
@@kellimihalic116 Hi Kelli, I apologize for my late response. I'm not sure if there's a way I can personally message you on here or just give you my response on here. First, find out what your subtype is; mine is attachment. Looking back at my history and my pattern, that's definitely my issue. Then I look back at the types of people I have allowed into my life and let me put it kindly, they were by no means the type of people anyone should have in their lives. They were demons in the flesh. I always went feelings first with everything in my life and always ignored any signs that these were not good people (thinking this will get better, but it never does). I also made major life choices and commitments out of impulse that were by no means the best for me; all because I didn't know who I truly was and with relationships, I wanted that bottomless pit in my stomach to be fulfilled. I also never saw the big picture of the huge decisions I was making that affected my life and future drastically. I've also learned that no human being can fill that void in your heart. After my last heartbreak and loss over a year ago (it was a blessing) I chose to break my pattern, learn to be alone, and allow myself to grieve out the heartbreak, and get myself into healthy behaviors. I wrote down my patterns of the types of people I attract (all Narcissists. Borderlines attract Narcissists for some reason) so I started studying narcissism. Even though BPD has been apart of my life for as long as I can remember, I was still responsible enough to make my own decisions and I can't blame a disorder for that. It all comes down to a choice basically. You're not crazy, you are loveable, you do have a lot to offer, and you do have worth. Borderlines are people that aren't complete. We love hard and it's always the wrong people... All because we don't wait. There is a piece in our lives that didn't develop because of trauma we've experienced. Once you know your enemy (BPD) you learn to govern the disorder and not the other way around, you will finally begin life. In any area in our life long journey, we need to give things time. Our views of love and relationships are by no means what real love is. Find out who and what you really are and stick with it no matter how you feel. For example, I love to read the Bible, play bass, and box. I was once a competitive boxer 15 years ago (I had 40 fights), so I decided to get back into that and stick with that regardless of my age or my "feelings". I carry a ton of anger, especially from the people in my history, but you have to take responsibility for who you allowed into your life and move forward. Those people will not change, but you can and you will; but it's up to you. Find your toxic pattern and learn from it. Surround yourself with the right people and please... Take your time. Do not be transparent right away because people will use any information they have about you against you; especially a narcissist, they are not your friend and will use a manipulation tactic called leveling (bringing up your past) against you and no matter what you'll always be the villain. Your life is not over. Take the time to truly find yourself; find what you like, make some goals, and never lose sight or stop until you get there. Learn to BE ALONE. When you're unhealthy mentally, you'll just keep repeating your pattern with toxic relationships. Not sure if I answered any questions. Maybe personal message me if you're able to.
@@M.VanFleetI.. am amazed by your post. It's so crazy and amazing how understanding and insightful you talk about your bpd. I read in a previous comment that you are still waiting for therapy, but it seems to me that you have been through it for a long time. I'm kind of amazed and I say to myself - it's really on me, right - from time to time - I've been working for decades and at the same time I haven't achieved such a shift as you? 😏 What does that say about me?
@@M.VanFleetAnd the second thing that interested me - that we often end up in a relationship with a narcissistic person. How is it possible? I've been going through a very difficult breakup for several months now and it's completely destroyed me mentally. I've never really been at such a low point before. I also don't understand that in the first years I didn't see his manipulation, lies, fraud at all. Just appalling stuff. I have bpd of course because of a bad childhood, but the way this person masterfully, purposefully and callously played with my mind was basically encouraging me to kill myself. I have never experienced so much hatred, pain, contempt in my life. And what I am most afraid of is that it has disturbed me (an already disturbed personality) in such a way that I will not be able to heal myself. My thinking, self-worth, faith, reasoning, thoughts are heavily polluted by all those bad words. I also feel like I can't be helped because those around me can't understand how deeply it has affected me when they say "cough on him" etc. It definitely needs a video for those of us suffering from narcissistic relationship toxicity. I also can't really find anything on the topic of emotional pain in bpd due to emotional abuse. Mostly RU-vid will generate a video on how "normal" people are supposed to protect themselves from bpd. What is completely missing are videos about what, why, how to live with it. For me, this is probably the biggest topic regarding BPD. Emotional/mental suffering.
Thanks for this compassionate wonderful video. I believe this video will help me to watch repeatedly. I experience this turmoil. It is awful to say the least. To have anything to help is going to be incredible. You are a blessing. Thank you!
+Anna Birghamre I’m not sure what you mean by “who” I work with. I don’t call it inner child but past and internalized issues I believe are critical to moving forward.
@@DrDanielFox i mean how do you work with a person that have an inner child? I have one that always cries after her mother. Buts its not my biological mother she wants its my friend that helps me understand myself. My psycologist dont understand me and only se my BPD. And i dont know if he is intressted in anything else. He says I should just stop thinking about it.
I guess I am the inwardly kind because most of my emotional reactions are mostly towards myself, I have lashed out at others but i can see that it is mostly inwardly by saying horrible things about myself, some times I refuse to eat and starve myself, some times talk about ending my life or one of my favorite ones is ''I should have been aborted before I was born'' and a lot of the things I say about myself tend to get a negative response from my loved ones, but well ,my core content is a lot of self hatred and a lot of hurt and disappointment.
I think the term emotional turmoil is not a strong enough term for what a person suffers with bpd. I would call it an emotion attack. After observing my daughter in turmoil, I thought there was a similarity between what she was experiencing and how I experience a panic attack. The difference is that I have an intense feeling of anxiety where she has an intense feeling of negative emotion. It appears like an attack: a build up, a crisis, and then slow return to baseline. Just my observation.
I am having an episode for the past few days. Cut my hair off (trich) I’d say it’s severe on the verge of extreme. I bought your book. I’ve been diagnosed w bpd depression anxiety adhd bipolar ocd haha. Ive been thinking bout hurting myself but i think of my mother and that’s how i stop it. I talk to everyone i can. I also act outwardly and harm others. I feel im stuck with this flawed, undesirable personality. It feels really hopeless. I can’t hold a job. Im a felon. I’m unpredictable and therefore unreliable. I’m really lucky to have my family because they understand me and are able to help support me. The government doesnt give a shit about bpd. Cant even get dbt covered by my insurance. Anyway. Thanks for the vid. Ur a helpful hand
will try that too thankyou so much it is much helpful now i used to go in turmoil stage even after standard triggers as it got mixed with emotional buttons but from now onwards i can identify them and hopefully will manage myself to go in to that turmoil of emotions
Despite the fact that being overwhelmed can be suffocating and excrutiating, it can bring me inspiration and drive, paradoxically. But, how to deal with the opposite: when you are so engulfed with grief (heartbreak plus bullying in workspace, not to mention tumultuous past and neverending series of heartaches and feelings of betrayal) that you become numb and so drained (and tired of reacting and acting out) that you are dead inside? I am currently in the state that I rationally know that I am stuffed with blackest sadness and maybe anger, but I cannot bring them to surface. I cannot grieve properly anymore, I´m so tired of the battles and recuperations. I´m an artistic type, but creativeness is not enough. I need a proper dose of crying. I feel as if I could cry for years and years to wash off all that recent trauma, but I am frozen. Can you have BPD and grieve healthily and cathartically? And can you repair yourself if your heart has been broken thousand times and no solid pieces are left?
To specify, I´m impulsive type with self-destructive features and violent mood swings, so this state is unusual for me. I always used to manage to reverse my depression into productive melancholy or bounce back to mild/moderate and managable euphoria, but I have lost it now, all that is left is despair.
Your videos are outstanding. You demonstrate great insight and perception and you enunciate the concepts, ideas and strategies eloquently and economically. You must be helping people enormously. Thanks for sharing your knowledge in the manner that you do. You’re a good human being
And you’re NOT a good human being Graham Thomas! You are a serial cheating loser and liar that emotionally abused and took advantage of someone with BPD!!
I have a Q. How important is it for a person who finds themselves on the Borderline spectrum, to if possible, understand what is the root cause, the source, of their condition. How beneficial is that knowledge and understanding, in assisting the healing process?
Hi Dr. Fox, thanks so much for this valuable resource. Some of my personal triggers include difficulties in the work place when I don't feel valued or accepted. This typically leads to my maladaptive attempts to regain control of the situation. I've identified a pattern of inappropriate behaviors that I use as coping mechanisms such as voicing my discontent immediately without much thought to my surroundings or unintentionally stating hurtful comments towards the 'offender.' I just watched your other video on Emotional Reasoning which I learned some important steps there as well. I'm seeking some work-place friendly coping skills for these tougher in the moment situations, please!
Dr. Fox, Thank you for your hope for BPD patients and families. You are a blessing and more medical practitioners should only be as compassionate as you are to others. I only wish you lived in New Jersey so my son could meet with you. Maybe we should come to Texas. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all of your videos of hope.
Thank you. I never listened as a kid. Now that I’m legally an adult, I’m trying to beat this storm each day without a therapist or any tools because I never listened. You helped me a lot.
Can u make a video about those people going through therapy for this and trying to navigate things whatever they feel they should navigate? Cus I feel I really need that. I mean not to put any pressure on you. Not expecting it soon. Feeling the need for it. I haven't talked to my therapist for days and I just am shaking mentally just watching these videos and keeping to myself, what if I do something wrong. Ok, I am catastrophising now. But I don't feel like I can handle socialising and living normally right now.
30min ago...I felt hot shaky wide eyes. Really concerned about the future and how I need to stay firm with boundaries. Anxious scared. The rush has passed. 20min passed beginning of event. I'm sad crying some. I feel betrayed. Your video was 1st on RU-vid. Thank you for helping me through this
Thank you very much for the video. I really needed this today as I've just had a conversation with my husband, some 'buttons' as I will now refer to them, were hit, and I went mental at him. Your videos have truly changed how I view my BPD so thank you from the bottom of my heart. Question though, how do you distinguish the difference between a mild, moderate, severe and extreme emotional turmoil tsunami? I have extreme written down as self harm, throwing things, destroying furniture etc, but I don't know how to work out what a mild tsunami would look like, for example. So the argument I just had, thanks to your videos, I quickly realised after I hung up what I'd done because I noticed the tension in my chest amongst other things and then worked to calm myself down. Would that be a mild one as I was able to calm myself within about 15 minutes and didn't engage in any destructive behaviour despite having overwhelming urges to do so, like punching a wall etc? Or is it severe because I knew I wasn't in a good place to have the conversation, felt myself getting worked up but couldn't control my surface behaviours when I was on the phone? Or is it dependant on how intense the physical and mental sensations are, and thats how the severity of the emotional turmoil is worked out? Sorry for the rambling!
Thank you so much Dr. Fox for this topic, it's literally the first time I feel like someone is talking about what I'm going through without stigmatization, blame, and at the same time you're bringing concrete solutions. What I personally perceive as the worst and double damage is that after this emotional tsunami subsides, after this exhausting event subsides, we remain misunderstood by those around us, rejected and condemned by those around us, we lose friends, partners. We end up believing that we are the problem and treat ourselves in the worst way. And at the same time, what we are constantly longing for and thirsty for is acceptance, understanding, compassion. So thank you for speaking openly and non-judgmentally to us. I consider this topic to be the most important for therapy.
Thank you so much, Doctor Fox. This video's brought hope to my life. Living with BPD it's not easy. But recovery, development skills to deal with all emotional turmoil and experience a healthy life is possible. For me, for everybody! Thank you for showing me this. Awesome video!
I am getting more information here on UTube with you, than I ever got in counseling once a week for years. My 'doctor ' was going higher in her studies and moving up the ladder. 45 minutes of asking how I feel, with no feed back was so disappointing. She was learning while I was over medicated. I stopped going and began my own research. Now I am trying to decide if the meds will help or hinder. I am working on my self and working to understand what I must Stop doing and looking for the ' better' way to get alone with others.
I experience that 'emotional tsunami' every single day.. its debilitating and I can't describe in words how unbearably painful it is. It just makes me want to die. I'm still trying to heal, but i haven't been able to grasp how to properly apply DBT, as when I'm in such a highly dysregulated state, my brain shuts off.. my DBT psych taught me the TIP skill, and i do 20 mins intense cardio- it's enough to temporarily take the edge off. I quit drinking alcohol over 2 months ago, but I swear, it's like these heavy, dark emotions take over and I'm powerless to do anything about it. Any advice?
Got a good example of extreme. That one time when my BF was at a bar with friends and was supposed to be back at 9, well of course he wasn't. So I called at 9 to see what's up and got told "We'll be back soon", which I interpreted as "I don't care that I'm not respecting my word and I'll just have fun with other people while you're miserable at home all alone". So what did I do? I said "okay! see you then!" and then proceeded to dismantling our sectional couch in order to build a barricade in front of our apartment's door in order to prevent anyone from entering. You wanted to stay out? Well enjoy your night out babe! BTW, I do realize how childish and crazy that is and I don't feel good about it. But gotta admit, the banging on the door and the ensuing "WTF" were priceless.
(My sick mother to 6-yr-old me): Why do you stand with your knees locked like that? Why do you eat one food at a time instead of moving around your plate? Why do you always match your clothes to exactly the same colors? Why do you make that face when you cry? You're weird like your father. (Etc., etc., ad nauseum.) (Me in my little 6-yr-old mind): Why can't I do anything right? What is wrong with me? God must have made a mistake when He made me. When you grow up with that constant criticism your mind molds around it and you truly believe that you are hopelessly damaged and different from everyone else in the world. I feel totally alone in this world and don't fit in anywhere. It's not a pity party, it's the reality I live with every single day of my life. Thanks, Mom! My first and most powerful physical symptom after being triggered is a racing heart. My heart rate jumps from 80bpm to almost 200bpm within a second, which is dangerous for a 56 year old woman with health issues like myself. That, in turn, makes me very short of breath. Then my stomach knots up to the point of doubling me over. I have such a violent physical reaction that I've had to go to the ER before. It's horrible. The mental symptom I get is rage from feeling disrespected. No matter what the identifying specific trigger is, when I boil it down my rage always pans out to be rooted in disrespect, or perceived disrespect, from someone else. Then comes the feeling of having no control over my life, and that leads to the doom and gloom of wanting to die. Because I've been through this cycle so many times in my 56 years and the severity has only gotten worse, I feel like there's no hope that I will ever get better. And because the thought of living like this any longer is unbearable, I find myself praying that God will just take me in my sleep because I'm too much of a coward to kill myself. It's not that I really want to die, I just want the damn pain to stop! I haven't found a way to stop it myself so the only out left is death.
The cutting sounds like stockholm syndrome...like they're taking the anger from the abuse out on themsevles.... because their is no other alternative solution......a lot like PTSD...suicicidal tendancies. NO ESCAPE. Then most people with BPD feel a lot of guilt and shame, like they feel better off dead then hurting their loved ones because of abandonment rage...or knowing that that hurt someone they cared about..... because they themselves are hurting so much inside.... and hate that no one understands....it's torture
With me it's usually frustration that immediately turns to anger. Usually to regain control I goto our really small bathroom downstairs and I try to calm down by splashing cold water in my face,and pray for help calming down.
tsunami triggers: when who i sleep with regularly sleeps with other women. Physical sensation: stomach tightens up, makes me not want to eat, feels like a lot of stress hormones running through me with adrenaline and pent up energy. mental processes: I'm not good enough, I will never find love/I'm unlovable, I will suffer forever, he will abandon me, and everybody after him will end up abandoning me too. I have a tendency to self-isolate when I feel awful, and I know I need social support, yet I lack supportive friends. When I self-isolate, I only dig myself a deeper hole that only makes everything worse. When the tsunami is at its peak, I cry intensely and start hyperventilating, my heart feels like it hurts physically and my vessels feel to narrow till closure, my head feels light. I want to drink alcohol until my mind is hazy enough to feel anything. When I act outwardly, I often argue with the person and portray them in a negative light, which to me feels justified, but they claim they are confused as to how intensely negatively I think of them, where the credit is not due since we're friends with benefits, not in a relationship. What helps me is creative fantasy. I make up scenarios of what I wished would happen instead of reality, perhaps a sweet revenge, or a time where I get detached from the person, lose codependency, and feel happy. Imagining that makes me happy. Another thing is to restate quotes that help me such as: this too shall pass, if I have no motivation to continue doing what I'm supposed to be doing, then I can to do it unmotivated, and i can't make any decisions right now, I need to sleep on it. If I have to make a decision, I will make it very short term. Instead of saying: I never want to see him again, I say, I don't want to see him for the rest of today for sure. I do this because usually I change my mind after feelings subside and if I made permanent decisions I regret them heavily and hurt only more because I can't bring it back.
Thank you for creating this channel and informing the world about this disorder. I was just diagnosed with it recently and your videos are SO helpful, so thank you 🙏🏻
what i have noticed in my 2 years of treating bpd on my own is that there are "long-term emotional trends" and "short term emotional fluxes". what i mean by that is, that there are some triggers (usually more long lasting example-living/family situation, world situation) that dictate the long term trajectory of your "baseline flux" (i say this since i feel that my "baseline" is variable), and with the short term fluxes i think most of us are aware of what they are (specific momentary triggers). i have found it very helpful to be aware of my long term trend i.e be aware of what my surrounding will dictate as norms, so i can prepare proactively for the severity and trajectory of the short term fluxes. for example, when visiting family im sure of a downwards trend in fluxes, so i plan my stay to be as short as possible, plan in advance meetings with family members and friends, and feel out how much i will tolerate. while on that note, ive noticed that the further i build the sense of what i tolerate, the better off i am (thank you for the affirmation of that strategy Mr.Fox)
I have watched several of these videos and can usually relate to them. This video is literally like if you had just sent me a synopsis of my therapy session today. It really helped having it reworded and reinforced like this. Along with the breathing techniques he taught me today, writing down my triggers is my homework for myself!
I always want to leave. Like I need to remove myself. If I’m at work, I feel like I need to go home. If it happens at home , I feel like I need to go away to a camp or hospital and get help for a few weeks. Or go away alone for two weeks.
Thank you Dr. Daniel Fox sooo sooo much for caring enough to make these videos!!!! 💚The videos you make on mental health are the only thing that have helped me get through my emotions.
