What can depression and inertia feel like for an autistic person? In what ways are physical and mental health connected? And most importantly; is there a way out? Recorded Jan 03 2018.
I know you don't know me or anything (I've watched all your videos though) I know depression, I have suffered on and off since age ten and you are worth it, you can fight it. If it hits you down ten times you can get up an eleventh. You are doing your best, you are trying and that is so important. You can do all these things, you will get through this. We all care about you, even if we have never met you. Again, it probably won't help but I am another autie always there to listen if needed, always know you can drop me a message when things are hard, sending hugs and hope things get better soon
I just wanna say that I love the way you express yourself. I was diagnosed with ASD 3 years ago, when I was 27, and I've read a lot of things about autism, but I never found the right words to explain to others how our brains really work. I've watched your "What Is Autism To You?" video through a post on one of the Facebook support groups for autistic people I'm in... And the way you made sensory processing so clear, even to me... I was blown away. I mean, I've lived with sensory processing issues for my whole life, but I never could explain how it worked! I have a hard time explaining to new people in my life that I'm autistic, I sort of go in a shut down mode because I'm so afraid people won't believe me since I can't express myself very well... But you can! And you can be our voice! I wish I had and app in my smartphone that I could play short videos by topic, with you explaining each topic. Seriously! I would totally go to your seminars if it ever happens for me to be in your country (or if you ever come to Brazil). So I guess what I wanted to say with all of this... Is that you matter. I'm sure your loved ones already feel that you matter, obviously... And now you matter to me too, even if we never get to know each other.
Recently diagnosed ASD in February 2018 - I'm 59 yo - finally able to put the pieces together of my life - depression has been such a part of life it's become 'normal' but I'm working to change that - What you do and share mean so much to many of us on the spectrum. You know in many ways we can sympathize with what you are going through... Though you have not met us - from all over the world - you have touched our lives and we are very thankful... We are at home in our autistic community and never will be alone again!
Thank you! You are important! After watching this I feel less alone in being different and less alone in being depressed. My Ehlers Danlos Syndrome often make me go deeper into depression. Well thank you again for speaking up!
I'm going through something very similar at the moment. It is a flatness. And when you feel flat, you can't see your own light and purpose. I'm only now realising that I have a constant level of anxiety, something present since a child. It's a bit like having your foot on the accelerator and leaving the brake on. Anxiety grinds you to the ground in this instance. However, when you remember that you can take the brake off, anxiety can be used as a catalyst to drive you into productive creative realms. Mindfulness meditation is great way to take the brake off. You are fulfilling a purpose by being completely honest and open about your life and observations, and for each person who encounters what you have to say, you will trigger thinking in their consciousness and the purpose becomes collective. Thank you for helping me to reflect I hope that this message helps you too xxx
"The real violence, the violence I realized was unforgivable, is the violence that we do to ourselves, when we're too afraid to be who we really are." Heard it in a serie called Sense8. Knowing stuff (rational) and feeling totally different is a battle you probably fight every day. You fight with yourself and that fight is the hardest one. I wish you the strength and courage to find some hope and a sparkle of love for yourself. You are worth the air. You are very welcome in space and time. I'm aware this doesn't help you but I like you loud. I wish for your depression to take the sharp edges off and that you'll find the beginning of hoping again.
@@AgonyAutie That's kind of why I was upset when Chester Bennington passed away because he was a voice for people of depression in his music with Linkin Park, and in my opinion, especially with people on the spectrum. After his death, iv'e been stimming the song In The End repetitively from time to time because I definitely think the style of the song, especially how Mike raps, relates to the human vs. robot aspect of the autist. Mike's style of glitchy rap vocals/radio effects is like the computerized/overloaded mind of the autist simultaneously malfunctioning and trying to codify a society it does not understand. Chester's aggressive rock vocals encompass the angry side of the autist that is in emotional turmoil by trying so hard to fit in with the society that does not understand or agree with how the autist software operates.
i have said so much of this my self! (but no one hears me) i hope you realise how you are helping us by simply talking about how you feel! i have been out of work for a year after 20 years at the same job, my panic attacks go the better of me and now depression is holding me tight. my 6yr old son is being assessed via his school and although he can't sit sill or do up his buttons he is the most amazing person i have ever met, he is funny and so loving and gifted at reading and spelling yet gets hell at school for simply being himself : ( he watched your 'What is autism to you?' video and he got a lot from it, although we are not sure what label he will be finally given it helped him and us understand him better. thank you, you are making life a little better for at least me and my little man xx
This is, so important. I'm a fixer. I fix things. Seeing other people in pain hurts actually. I don't know how to fix this. I've been using these videos for Autism Acceptance month. You have made very many wonderful video essays. I am really in awe of what you are capable of. It's okay to be small for a while. Be small, rest, heal. I've watched several of your videos. Don't take the weight of the world on your shoulders Sara. No one is expected to do that. You are quite funny sometimes which makes your videos a joy to watch. Even the painful ones. Like I said, be small for a while. You know the best thing about small though? Snails are small too :) ride one of your snails to the stars. When you are ready to be big again, come back. Your snails will throw a grand parade and great feast to show their love for you with raucous cheer and applause as you make your way to big. I'm absolutely sure of it!
My stomach hurts to see you in pain, Sara. I have had similar experiences and I feel so sad seeing you go through it and knowing there are so many other people in the world suffering too. I relate to have great ideas for projects that could be fulfilling for me as well as help other people yet not knowing how I will find the mental capability and the financing to actually do it. I am writing to you from the future in 2020 to say you went on to do amazing things and touch so many lives, but that you were also so worthy without doing anything at all.
My 9yo Son is diagnosed ASD sufferer. He is very intelligent and I feel for his future. He says some if the things you have and although it's sad, it helps prepare me for his future, so I can be the best Dad I can be for him. Thanks for this video. 🙁
@AgonyAutie I only just found your channel. I can relate to this so very much. I only just became diagnosed Autistic at 50. I also have chronic illness. I so hope you are doing better than this day you posted this, particularly in such uncertain times. Sending you a huge hug (which is usually too painful for me) my heart goes out to you. Having a young child makes it harder, despite it’s blessings, and I hope you know it’s more than okay to take time out for yourself amongst all of your daily struggles. I wish I could offer you something of comfort. Thank you for sharing of yourself, this has helped so many people in an Autistic group I saw this posted in. You are making a difference 2 years later with this video. I hope your wishes of traveling whilst doing your work has turned out for you, or whatever brings you what you need. Please take care ❤️
I really feel for you. It's hell. I hope that you will recover soon by somehow discovering the perfect treatment. I think lonelyness is not having people in your life that can truly relate. People who have had the same experience as you have. Suffering from depression makes me feel like an alien between mentally healthy people. They can understand for about 5 minutes and then expect you to get over it, so I feel like I have to keep it to myself and burn myself out trying to act happy.
A lot of your videos, including this one, help me. It helps reconvince myself of my ASD of my Depression and of my connective tissue and paralysis. It helps by trying to relay to others it's not just me that is suffering. My focus my whole life, what makes me happy is working, and I can't. I look normal but I can't do what others do. I'm misunderstood by my family and by my friends. My son is the only thing that keeps me alive, moderately happy, and safe. I will always be lonely, as I will always have ASD. Thank you again.
Thank you so much for this video. Puts into words how I’m feeling right now. It’s devastating for me to have depression and be unable to look after my kids the way I want to.
Thank you for being so real. It’s so courageous to bare your soul when you are in a fog. Don’t forget this season! Always use it to procure compassion!! You are a light and so insightful to so many!!
Thank you so much for sharing this. Depression is horrible, but you've shown that simply sharing your experience can help inspire and empower others (like myself) with hope when all seems dark.
Great upload thank you Sara, as this is perhaps the one “problem” I have with the idea that “there’s nothing wrong with being autistic, it’s just the environment that needs to change”. However “It is what it is”, and changing one’s environment may not be an option. From my perspective, there is an inherent increased level of anxiety which I constantly experience which I attribute to my ASD, and my depression is often a reflection of my feeling “overwhelmed” (which again I believe is integral to my “condition”). I have an unpleasant “gut feeling” of those who claim “being on the spectrum” is NOT directly linked to increased levels of anxiety and/or depression. I resonate a great deal with what you say AgonyAutie, but I’m 50, so imagine you’ve survived two thirds as long again as you have, and although “everything has changed”, at the same time “nothing is different”… it is quite honestly bizarre!!! Personally, I learned many years ago that depression was nothing more than “perspective”. Unfortunately, knowing that, one cannot simply “change ones perspective” (in my experience), however KNOWING it is only my “current view” is an aid… have you read “Desiderata”, there are lines in that I RELY ON in that to keep me going!!! All the best, Dream xx
Hello. I've seen loads of autism videos on here but bloody hell, yours are genuinely amazing. I've never really watched one I identify with like this before. Thank you so much for sharing this it means a lot. I was diagnosed a few years ago at 38 It's an amazing revelation but a head fuck to. The Tea Shop has to happen and from my hunch it, and you will be massive and a much needed force for good. And hopefully by the sound of your accent it won't be far away. 😁 keep it up you're an inspiration.
James Horton wow James! Thank you so much for this message. I appreciate it more than I can say...it makes me happy you've been able to relate (identification is so important) and yes I totally agree...awakening to the fact you are autistic...realising you have been all your life...and then accepting that part of your identity despite doubting it still?! That's a total total headfuck man. It's been four years since I was diagnosed. My son helped me as he is autistic too. I wish you well james! Stay in touch man! 💜💃🏻🌌🙌😁
James Horton you may relate to this one a lot...I talk about autistic realisation a bit...it's a bit triggering though as I'm talking about abuse so trigger warnings: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-u-p4BXQj530.html
Thanks for the reply. I watched most of your blogs last night after discovering you. They're so honest and insightful. The trauma one is particularly important. My dad (who was definitely on the spectrum) died suddenly when I was 6 and this made me think I had broken myself and made me wrong. But now I know I'm not wrong and broken. This didn't make me autistic. I have old home videos my dad filmed where I'm stimming quite severely (I was always embarrassed about these but they back up and confirm my diagnosis which is great) thanks again and wish you the very best.
That's a heartbreaking thing to here...but I do understand a little...my dad lost his parents at the age of 7. And yes...you will naturally conclude; that's it! That's why I'm the way I am. I'm happy you've come to a realisation but I'm sorry it's a painful one. 😢💔 I run a Agony Autie Facebook chat & support group ...you are welcome to hop by if you're on FB. facebook.com/agonyautie X
Agony Autie thank you. I've joined the Facebook group and follow you on Twitter. I think your brill and a force for good within the autistic community. Raw honesty with balls of steel👌
'What I want to do is this, and I can't even do it'. You just did. Brilliantly. I know this comment falls several months short of the moment, but thank you so much for sharing this.
You're asking good questions. Sending big love your way. You absolutely have a purpose and I know exactly how it feels when you can't seem to see a purpose at all, but I PROMISE you, you have purpose. It may not look the way you think or expect, or be some huge thing on a pedestal, and it almost never is. Your purpose exists in this very moment and in every moment and it is unique to you. I know you've felt it. when you can't feel it, know that it is still there. Thanks for sharing here.
Was absolutely lovely meeting you at the seminar in Swansea this morning Thank you so much for the complement on my hair (I said I liked yours too :D) Looked you up Subscribed Watching though you're vids So honest and brave to be so visible and show such vulnerability Loved your talk so much .......glad you are making his dream come true .....wish I had stopped for tea now Xxxx keep doing what you do xxx you're awesome xxx
Not having gone through depression personally but watching a loved one go through it I can only begin to understand. Ijust want to say you are so brave and amazing for doing these blogs n telling ppl about it. Admitting theres a problem to begin with is a huge achievement in itself. I would love to come along to one of ur seminars. Are you doing 1 in Sheffield over the summer?
Wow...Sara...Thank You💗 I have just pulled through Winter in Australia, survived the chaotic Spring transition & we've Summer on way. Can SO relate and feel your pain xo I was gifted a special lamp in October to help minimise effects of SAD. I feel a sense of relief knowing that this is now a part of helpful tool kit, come cooler months here in Australia in 2019💗
The thing is Trying to escape a situation but you can't because the said situation is inside your fucking self and it won't ever get better, is exhausting It is really relieving to watch videos of someone on RU-vid I can relate to, thank you I hope you found people who actually give a damn. We are many, we just never ever get out (maybe at night when everything is calm, at home or dead) so we don't meet x)
So I got here whilst in the throes of fall/winter depression as opposed to summer depression- sorry but irreverence, humor and defiance, assuming I can muster them- are my few defenses against this type of thing. For run of the mill depression I use creativity through writing and music- You do have my sympathy and thank you for being so open and honest-
I’m moving (sorta), but I Can’t move, I’m thinking (I think) ,but I cant think, I’m breathing (somewhat), but I can’t breathe....🙁😣😔.....but ur song and dance at the end gave me a little joyous⚡️🤩🥳🤪🥰
sp difficult to have severe austim worse illness on the planet😐😳😳 and ur still so gorgeous and beautiful keep it don't give in 💪💪💪💪😟😟😟😟😟😟😟😟😟💪💪💪😍😍😍😍 ur stilll amazing !
While it's true that most people may hate change in general. With autists, it's on an entirely different level because the problem with change is more then just hate, fear, or motivation.
