I've told them that it's their lie and they can tell it anyway they want too. But the truth is I'm sticking to it. And give them a quick look in their eyes as I walk away from them. It shuts them down.
But that could trigger revenge feelings? It's like leading a war with them. Exchanging mean things to each other? Ignoring, Grey Rock, Yellow Rock, no contact, low contact are the best weapons against narcissists.
@maxsymons3572 hmmmm .... you're right. Maybe it is passive-aggressive. But no matter what you do, you're never right, and you're never enough. The real solution seems to be to simply leave and never look back, ever!
My Response to a Narcissist is, "I see you. I see you for who and what you are". My divorce from my narcissistic ex will be finalized in about 2 months. I met him when I was 17, he was 27. I am now 45. After seeing the real him, I can now say that I have seen true evil.
Yep my ex too. Everything is about usurping. It's like they have an addiction that can never be filled. In fact I'd change the description of NPD to Usurping Disorder.
I have had almost the same experience with my husband of 25 years, soon to be ex (I pray for a quick and least painful divorce possible) I have worked as a health care provider for 30 years now and I will say, that you are 100% correct, I have also seen evil in its truest form and I saw in his eyes the day I told him I knew who and what he really was. It was the pure evil and those eyes told me clearly without saying a word that he would destroy me for this. Evil that hurts you so bad your heart and soul break, and when you find out that your person who you have loved and did everything for, didn’t not love you, they tried to high jack your soul. They murdered who your were and you know you will never be the same. So you are in shock. Unable to defend yourself, or even run at first. You know that your world will never be the same. You feel confused and find yourself asking “what just happened?” You shake your head and focus and you see a look in his eyes that tells you he WILL destroy you for this. He will destroy you for finding out who he was and how he had betrayed, lived, manipulated and abused me… and I knew he would destroy me. And he did
"They want to disconnect you from your intuition so that it becomes your enemy." 💯. Even after leaving the narc I met ppl who were narcs, but I kept doubting myself, and gaslighting myself and not trusting my intuition. You start to gaslight urself so much that u start to question the facts that are right in front of u.
My narc was always using the "you need help you're crazy" statement. It was his way of taking the attention off of him and to divert the blame elsewhere.
Silence is best around them as anything you say can & WILL be used against you. They will turn around & lie about you, using your own words & making it all about you.
A few days ago, I had a big public argument with a narcissistic couple. The woman was raging, saying that she didn't do anything wrong. She was so adamant, I might have believed her...if I didn't have video showing what she did. And her husband defended her, even though he was with her and saw what she did. He called me stupid, crazy, etc. in front of several onlookers. I didn't care or took it personally...I stood my ground and pointed out the flaws or incongruities of their lies. I was angry but relatively calm, knowing that the truth is on my side...and I don't respect or care for anyone who doesn't believe it.
My abusive Ex won custody of our children, after I proved in court he abuses them, all because he attacked me legally, mentally, socially, etc. to the point where my daughter stopped going to school. He then used her schooling as a way to paint me as incompetent and neglectful. He no longer thinks he can fool me, and this change made him SO MUCH MORE DANGEROUS to me and my children. I am now fighting to get my kids back, fighting mountains of debt, trying to not lose my house, AND fighting false criminal charges he filed against me. PLEASE BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!!! And please pray for me and my children! The worst part… my youngest gets his abuse the worse because he is non verbal and highly dependent. 😢 they move in with him starting this school year and I only get them 3 weekends a month… Things can always get worse!!! Move with caution!!!!
Prayers for you, Chelsea! You are going to be fine. I know this because you are strong and strengthening others in the midst of this chaos. God is near.
Praying for your miracle - imagine everyday you and your kids are happy, focus on those feels in the gaps of your daily life. Write the story down - It will gradually change your body state and behaviours and it will be an antidote to how you learnt to react to your ex.
Yes ! Write your story, keep a journal. This will stop him from affecting your physical health and in turn , your self confidence. I know this first hand. Reach out to God , he may not take this trial away, but it will make you stronger. Have a friend who will listen to you and give you hugs. Let them know that you just want them to listen so you can get things off your chest . Do this at least twice may be more times a week. I’ll be praying for you and your children.
After trying everything with our trespassing neighbour, we decided to cut to the core issue: "You've got no respect! You've got no respect! You've got no respect, do you?" This was yelled out, on repeat, overriding his lie that we were on his property, and his friend telling us to stay off his property. We just kept saying it. He stopped after that!
Yrs back at ny dad's 65th older overt coke head sis handed me a slice of cake 🎂 I said no (previously throwned out at Thanksgiving just b4 my pie tossed too, my boyfriend not around giving sis' friend a ride home) and she lied about the reason but that I said a hard no to the cake seemed too much for her to bare and I got a shocked 😲 hard blink!
I have a covert narcissist neighbor who entertains himself by engaging in passive aggressive behavior to trigger people then denies he did anything wrong. For example soon after my gardener finishes cleaning my yard he will get out a leaf blower and blow leaves from the front of his yard into mine. So I waited for him to do it and I confronted him standing in the middle of the street with his leaf blower and he began trying to gaslight me and later sent a text to all the neighbors trying to triangulate them against me. I responded with my own text that put the situation into its true context exposing his deception. I then privately confronted him again about compounding his passive aggressive behavior by deceptive misrepresenting the situation and triangulating with the neighbors. Realizing I was on to his games he exploded responding with rage rant text that exposed his maline intent to everyone. Now he's gives me the silent treatment, which is fine with me, but he doesn't blow leaves in my yard anymore.
Friggin round and round tennis 🎾 match making no sense, are we dumb for thinking we're dealing with people of equal maturity? Definitely not intelligence but we're up for trying 🤷!
I have said, I can see you need to have the last word. I give you my permission. Takes the wind out of their sails. And anything they say after that has lost it's power.
7 years of living a pure hell with a narcissist. Get out and leave as soon as you can and do not look back. The lovebombing, the gaslighting, the discard, family and friends acting different toward you in an unfavorable way. Let go and move on. That is where the healing begins.
Whenever You site an example of a past conversation where the narcissist said something inflammatory, very negative or absurd . "I don't recall saying that" is a typical standard response from them.
I say, "I KNOW the truth, what you think you know is irrelevant." OR "You have every right to your opinion, but I DON'T have a right to your opinion. OR "You have every right to say what's on your mind, I have the right NOT TO LISTEN."
I learned my favorite phrase from another Narcissist Specialist on RU-vid, and here it is; "I'm happy with the way I do me" . John who normally has his comeback at the ready, is always floundering when I say that. It's brilliant and works every time. The Man said it would work when the Narcissist is turning your best efforts into bitter criticisms, just dismiss all of it with that one sentence. I tried it expecting it to fail miserably, but no, it worked. His criticism fell flat! And after a brief pause, he moved on with other subjects, and all that tirade of his bull, just evaporated. Use it, it's great.
Could you explain that phrase in different words please? Because i'm polish and i can speak english quite well but i cant translate it into my language so i would reeeaaaly appreciate if you could just say it in different way so i could understand it better haha
Whenever I would say “This is what I heard” he would say: “you heard wrong”. Or “you misunderstood”. So it continues to keep you in that loop with no way out of it. I started documenting with dates, times and very detailed descriptions. Then I would pull out my notebook and that’s what scared him enough to stop making me question my own perception.
My ex husband used to love to tell me (after insulting me) that I was being too sensitive. My response to that was that if I have told him before that it was a hurtful thing to say or do and you continue to do it, than you are being insensitive. This was powerful for me. All of the things you have discussed in this episode were part of my life for 20 years. I didn’t even know what was happening to me and I went to therapy and did so many things to try to improve myself and the relationship. It wasn’t until years after my divorce that I started to hear the term gaslighting. When I looked it up, I was so relieved to know that it was a real and true thing that happened to me. Finding your videos has been a blessing f and I thank you for your work, Danish Bashir!
This is it! It's the only response that works in all relationships whether workplace, family, friends, etc. And stick to facts/truth especially if it's a work related or other dynamic issue that you can't walk away from
Well if it's a workplace and it's your boss you do have to explain yourself unless you're prepared to lose the job. In fact I did what you suggested to a regional branch manager at a global steel company. I got sick of it and walked out. How I did it was I used what I say to my cat when I try to pat her and she plays hard to get by walking away every time I get near her. Now, after the first time she walks off I turn away and say, "I'm not playing that stupid game." I said that to the manager and walked out when he for about the 54th time blamed me for something utterly beyond my control. Eventually one Tuesday morning 5mins after I started I got in my car, drove to a local coffee shop sat there for 4 hours pondering my future and never went back.
Even when you stay silent to avoid aggravating the situation, he will start talking louder and louder to the point of screaming feeding himself on his own hate spoken , like he build up upon his own wrath, No reaction causes him more wrath
This is so true... "I know what happened, I am not crazy..." is the exact sentence that saved me.. even when I was in as early as in 1st grade.... No matter what I was steadfast in thinking and protecting this thought... throughout the school time and later, even now. Our subconscious brain is truly remarkable even when we are children... Maybe this is why I was able to protect my mind, at least even though I suffered so many bodily problems and pains... Sadly, it wasn't the same case with some others in the family...
I love the way Mr. Bashir delves into the specifics. He trys to bring us 10 steps ahead of these manipulative malignant narcissists, the way he understands these scenarios, you finally get a soothing sense of validation.🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
"if you choose to lie, (or choose this path of deceit) then man up and own it! Let's keep this moving. " otherwise don't say it in the first place! This delivered in a very calm monotone with an equally disinterested face. And then don't respond in case it doesn't shut them up, in case they try justifying, deflecting, just silently calmly stare at them until they shut up.
Those are exactly the sort of things my mother says to me: “That is not what I said or did, although I remember so clearly. My problem is that I am bipolar and have had delusional episodes. She uses that to her advantage in any discussion, although I’m obviously not always delusional. She also tries to deflate me when I’m happy or positive about something good; she’ll say something like, “ I don’t know why you aren’t more confident. You should be.” It’s as though when I feel good she wants to remind me there is something wrong with me. Now that I know what is going on I just let it slide and smile. It was so awful when I was a child because she obviously hated me. I would have so enjoyed having a loving mother but it wasn’t meant to be. I try now to be compassionate but it is difficult. One horrible day she berated me over and over for drying my hands on the wrong towel. She looks at me with what my sibling calls “the stink eye.” Pure hatred. Good grief.
my mother is EXACTLY the same way and it's only getting worse as she's getting older. It seems like she is drastically becoming more and more evil every day. She's in her early 70's now and thanks to some major hardships in my life, along with her getting hurt and now being semi-disabled I chose to move back to my childhood home (thank God I was able to build a tiny house on the property to give me some separation from her, but she made sure to make the construction process a living hell while I was building it. At one point she was sneaking up behind me to startle me while I handled potentially dangerous power tools and even tried putting herself in harms way a couple times in what I guess was an attempt to be able to say I injured her had I not had keen awareness of my surroundings and seen her) Her newest thing is to bring up old "memories" of my childhood that didn't actually happen or weren't the way she is telling them. Then when I tell her I don't remember what she's talking about, she will get all nasty and tell me. Well maybe if I bothered remembering then I'd be a happier person lol All I can do is roll my eyes and walk away for quietly laugh to myself and walk away because it's just so uncalled for and always just out of the blue. Or she liked to just be as nasty and cruel as possible nonstop for days and if I finally break and snap at her she will say something along the lines of don't take my anger out on her, I need to direct it towards who ever pissed me off or don't take out my problems on her as though she didn't just push every button I have until she got under my skin. That was the worst as a kid and teenager, she made me feel insane because she would do something to set me off, then look at me stone faced and tell me she did nothing wrong, and I am just lashing out at her for no reason. She could slap me across the face and in the same moment tell me "No I didn't" if I asked why she would hit me? I suffer from depression (haha wonder why that is) on and off and she loves to stir the pot when I'm happy as though she can't stand it. But I am thankful to have finally learned what she is now that I'm a little older and I am able to stop myself from falling for her traps now that I know what she's doing. Now when she goes into her rages I just tell her I am not engaging with you if you cannot speak to me like I'm a human being and walk away. Or my new favorite defense weapon, threaten to take us to family therapy on my dime so we can hear what a professional has to say about things lol That has worked wonders, and she will usually fake being pleasant for a week or 2 after I play that card. My heart breaks for children of narcs because as kids we are defenseless against them and have no understanding for the sad fact that they play with our emotions to get a sick gratification from the pain and confusion they bring us. It's so cruel. I lived so many years not understanding and feeling crazy because no one believed me when I tried telling them how she treated me, she is a master at gas lighting unsuspecting people. Even her own family, I say hers because she made certain she told lies about me when I was still a teenager to alienate me from my aunts and uncles and cousins, so they didn't deal with me once I had gotten old enough to start trying to stand up for myself or speak out against things. I'm 39 now and I only finally learned after all these years that it wasn't me and I'm not delusional and crazy over the last 5 or 6 years and she absolutely HATES that she can't play me and my emotions like a game anymore.
So very true about your intuition. Once you start to question yourself, they've got you. Do not allow it. Yes, stay open-minded, but don't allow their poison in. Once it's there, it's so hard to get rid of it! Negativity feeds like a disease.
I said some of these things to my (ex) husband. This was in the mid 90’s. He got physical and he knew I couldn’t leave. I am so grateful there are better resources now.
What to say when they say you need help. Sometimes i ask them where and when they got their medical degree. Wouldn't do that with a violent narcissist though!
At the age of 35 now I'hv acquainted with all these terms,ie, gaslighting, narcissism etc & hv found myself sorrounded by extremely narcissistic personalities & feeling totally helpless...😌😌
In situations like these, I have said that they are free to think whatever they want, since I don't put any value on it. I have also said that they're clearly not ready yet to accept that their bad behaviour has consequences, so we're done until such time as they do. Finally, I have said that their relentless abuse means there has to be a state of permanent distance between us from now on.
Instead of rolling over and accepting his laziness, which has recently escalated. I called him on it. He raised his voice to and demanded why I couldn’t just do it. I responded with a higher voice that why should I. Well… he threw his headphones got up slammed his fist into the wall and then the door and then once in kitchen pounded the counter. I saw the brief thought to hit me. I have a door now with a hole in it. Living with these people is not easy. It’s hard to constantly take their crap. His escalating rudeness, laziness and entitlement got me. It’s hard. My narcissistic Parents have passed, I’ve written my narcissistic sister and friend from my life. I have a life long now out of state narcissistic friend currently in town. I only see him in small bursts now. But my son who lives with me due to the fact he can’t support himself is very hard.
Thank you for this. I am trying to break a lifelong cycle of dealing with narcissists. I’m the youngest of six. The oldest was 17 when I was born and is completely narcissistic. My sweet dad passed away when I was very young. My mother was in a very vulnerable place and married an abusive narcissist. I’ve noticed that I keep getting involved with narcissists. As friends or boyfriends. I even married one. Breaking it down like you just did, is so very helpful. It helps me understand what’s really going on. I’m grateful for your advice.
18 years of living with this ! Finally left my spouse after credit ruined, business sabotaged and losing my sanity for real from his abuse.. ty for posting this helpful info … his reaction when I said I have your number and you can’t fool me was fantastic! Stopped his verbal abuse every time 🎉 enjoying my new life and cutting off everything that we shared together / can’t wait till the business is sold and last tax stuff is done. I continue to heal from the ptsd 😅
My sister has been doing this to me for years ... She's so mean, I could never explain what she was doing until one day I saw something on RU-vid about narcissists I watched it, and there it was a word that describes exactly what she's been doing to me all these years. It's really sad knowing that your own sister is constantly trying to destroy you to friends and your family members. Everything is so clear once I found out what a narc is. But I love her, and she says she loves me, but I don't understand why she hates me at the same time. And she actually thinks in her head that I want things in her life to go wrong when I only want her to excel at everything. I do deal with her this way ...but instead of us getting closer, which is what I want, it's driven us farther apart, it suck knowing I will never have that loving relationship with my sister. Her kids are so messed up in their lives, and she's tried to convince my kids that it's OK to go against what I say or want from them. Except I raised my kid to respect me and respect themselves, So her tactics don't work on them, and they figured out how she is on their own, my son now can't stand her because she's always talking lies about me and my daughter just looks the other way for now and patronize's her. Which is what I did for years. I told her one day she was a narcissistic person, so now she tells everyone she knows that I'm narcissistic. Hahaha, she even says that famous Frase " hold my beer," which I found out that narcissistic people say that....and I thought that was her made-up famous, brilliant line. But no, it's not it's what Narc's say. One thing I've noticed about her is she's always right, she's the best, and she won't have a conversation with anyone unless she can talk about herself, she will leave the room. I guess it's a sickness that will never cure. It's really a sad thing. But she's still my sister, and I love her with all my heart. But I guess our loving sisterly friendship will have to wait until we're both in heaven. 😢 That's when everything will be perfect 😊.
I had an online Male friend who was really abusive and would say mean things to me when I would say "I don't like that you said that." He would deny saying it. I would say "You just said it". he would deny it again. I would say "Read back." he would say he did. I would even Copy and paste it or take a screen shot and he would STILL deny it. Our relationship did not last very long at all.
My mother is a narc and plays this game constantly with me. She will say something horrible and within minutes of me calling her out she will say she didn't say it. Another of her favorites is to repeat what I say, for example, I'll say "Stop yelling" and she will say "You are the one yelling, so you stop yelling". It is maddening. I am with the guy who commented above saying it's best to say as little as possible to these crazies. It causes a complete communication break down but it keeps my sanity intact.
"that is what I heard" = "RUBBISH! I DIDN'T SAY THAT!".. and on and on circular argument; shouted at you. I think you nailed it yourself Danish.."what I heard will not be dictated by you". That's better. You've got to be direct, and this line let's them know in no uncertain terms that you are aware of what they're trying to do.
when you say when they wrongly blame you you should not respond in any way and stay calm. But what i am dealing with it is the blaming becomes more and more and he starts treating even more worse as i keep quite. he creates hell if i don't beg him for sorry even though its not my fault. I am not able to break from him as i don't have any financial and emotional support.
It's hard to imagine there is support when you're in the thick of it, but you really need it. If in the UK there are free groups you can go to that will help you, step by step. Have a look for leaflets in community areas, doctor's, hospitals, libraries. I'm sure it's the same in the US. In the meantime try to do little things for yourself to help you remember who you are without his voice in your head. Please do look for support, maybe online? but don't let him know anything. Stay safe :)
I prayed are answering prayers as if you were sitting right before me been giving me information as if God is for me himself telling me how to manage, and respond, so I won’t get entangledin circular abusive communication & conversations to make me doubt my OWN reality thank you for making it and providing so much ’CLARITY’ To me. I appreciate your intimacy and I’d love this intimate connect with you so that I can learn how to protect myself and not become part of this destructive behaviors with this relationship. He is my husband of 50 years. I am so grateful thank you.
Thank you... I notice narcissistic behavior in so many people.... I need these tactics to avoid engaging in it with ANYONE I suspect is trying this gaslight shit 🎉❤🎉❤🎉
Unfortunate sometimes for the narcissist(s) when they are in denial about the facts we are complaining about which have not affected them too yet. When they are constant trying to shut down any trauma survivors who are not from their pre-approved first communities.
I love that, “you don’t have any power here!” As was said to the wicked witch of the West - “Be gone with You, You have NO Power here!!” Best saying 🥳🤸♀️even if you silently think it over again-it’s a very good building block back for yourself❣️
I love your videos. They are very informative and helpful. I married a narcissist. I didn't know he was like this when we first got together. I've dealt with that dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type stuff, the emotional rollercoaster, the gaslighting, the abuse. I've heard everything come out of him that you have said in your videos. He's manipulative, a liar, a cheater, and he takes absolutely no accountability for anything he has ever done or said to me. He would hit me and then say that he didn't, or say that he didn't hit me, he fell on me or that he threw something and didn't mean for it to hit me; trying to confuse me. Of course it didn't work. i know full well what he did to me, from the lies to ever push, punch and kick. I've dealt with the love bombing and trauma bonding. And he used me as an object. I'm currently still with him as of this comment but I'm planning on leaving him in just a few days. I have taken the proper steps and precautions to make sure that i can leave peacefully and safely. Question is, how do i cope and deal after leaving? What are the next steps as soon as I depart from this toxicity? Do I need counseling? I can't watch certain things on tv without it bringing up the flashbacks of the abuse. Could I have ptsd from this and if so, how do i manage that?
I hope you’ve left and it did go well. I was in similar relationship and also have a narcissistic mother. Yes PTSD or Complex ptsd can be the result after years of abuse and trauma bonding. Therapy has helped me a lot and watching different videos here on yt from people like Danish and others who also have experience from their own life.. (Check out “Crappy Childhood Fairy” also) Best wishes for your future 🥰❤️
I hope you’ve left. Yes, get some counseling. It wouldn’t hurt. They will help you start anew. Even if it’s for a little while. Start reading the Bible and understand how much God loves you. God values you. Start with the Gospel of John. Narcissism is demonic.
On the odd occasion when I have to be in his presence, I ALWAYS act and speak like he's secretly recording me. He's the type to do that to try and use it against me. I'm always calm and slightly bored when I speak to him. This is what I've said to him most recently. 1. "Whatever you say, dude." This is very dismissive and narcs don't like it. When he gets frustrated and pushes back at me, I look at him with an amused look on my face and say, "Hey, calm down, I'm agreeing with you. Only a psycho would get mad when someone is agreeing with them. You're not a psycho, are you?" Then I look at him with a slightly concerned frown. It freaks him out and he'll either fume in silence and I then ignore him, or he calls me a bad name, which I laugh at and then completely ignore him. 2. "My house, my rules." I moved house and he wanted to know where I lived. I told him he wasn't welcome at my house and he's not invited to visit so he doesn't need to know my new address. Him: "I can easily find out where you live, I know people." Me: "No you don't." Him: "Yes I do." Me: "No you don't." Him: "You have no idea what kind of people I know." At this point, I laughed and said, "You are so cute when you're delusional." Then I ignored him. He was most upset and called a me few choice names. Me: "I'm bored, you're boring, I'm leaving." Then I walked away. He CANNOT handle that but as we are always in public when a meeting happens, his rage is impotent. Most of the time I just ignore him or go grey man with my responses but sometimes I feel like trolling him for my own amusement. It won't work for every narc, especially the ones who are obviously violent. But my narc doesn't want to look bad in public. He's always trying to find the right buttons to push on me (hint: they don't exist any more).
I had to start calling out my narcissistic person. He would say if you would stop with your mouth I would do whatever it was .. and we went around and around with that. I finally said "Just shut up a dang minute... I wouldn't be talking at all if you weren't doing the things you're doing so stop because this ain't happening anymore. You're a gas lighter and you're being nasty. I've met you before and I got the assignment. He didn't know what to think and believe it or not it stopped because i told him he thought he was screwing with my head but it was actually the other way around. He used to say you knew what I was doing and I said you don't know what I know or what I saw or heard. You have to put a stop to them because they don't care about you and will swear they love you. I turned mine around because I called it out.
Their behaviour is mostly childish, immature & way out of sync of an adult. The best way to respond is pose a question. Yes, you are absolutely right when you say that you should stop to reflect and respond as an adult
Sooo helpful, the best presentation. Made sense. Thank you.
3 месяца назад
I think this advisory is inadequate, because it is inherently defensive, thusly presenting weakness of personal determination. Then another attack may come from other, least expected direction. So, I am all for direct confrontation as a reaction to gaslighting. Any attempt of gaslighting shall be escalated immediately, simple sentence for acute confrontation: "You lie". Low voice, firm resolution. As in: -- "I didn't said that." -- "Now you lie." That's the warrior style reaction. Strongly reject the indirect accusation of false perception. Weak defense means the initiative is still with attacker.
I just come right out and say : "Oh baloney. You're full of baloney." And sometimes: "If I thought your opinion had value, then I would discuss it with you."
I recently had to deal with 2 big falling outs with 2 sets of family members. This is what i used to silence both sets: Your words don't hit like they used to. One was in a text, the other in person...which i giggled a bit as i said it. Now i hear nothing but crickets 😂
In my experience with my narcissistic father, there was nothing I could say or do that had an impact. Everything would be twisted or otherwise distorted to fit his underlying narrative. The only response that worked was to try and not listen, to go gray rock and physically leave. This account is of course in retrospect and what initiated my physical removal and relocation was circumstantial and my refusal to listen to being told how I was going to fail miserably and never had any chance of success. I did need to come up with a plan and geographically separate in order for this to have any chance of working, which I did.
YOU ARE SOOOOOO GOOD!!!! making me laugh, while learning how to fight back, stand up, great stuff for rewiring my thinking. I love how u teach about facing these types rather than say, run, take cover. dont engage etc. Sometimes u have too, wish I would of understood better and done years ago. not always good to go along to get along or tolerate this very damaging form of abuse. that exactly what they need is to be put in their place...or have a reality check, however u want to say. but Im saying.... henot doing this shit no more!!! Lets go....and you give the best advice and are a very insightful counselor who communicates very well....and u tell us how to really handle this shit while we get better. and with attitude needed. you rock!!! Love you and thank you for these fantastic videos. You are my new counselor :)
The worst kind of gaslighting is spiritual gaslighting. I have a narc sibling with whom I used to be able to have good conversations about God ( or so I thought). Then many years ago - out of the blue - this person started shoving a lot of unbiblical, superstitious nonsense down my throat. And, when I tried to get them to re-connect with the truth they kept implying that I couldn't be a Christian if I disagreed with them. Also, when I became - quite understandably- frustrated when my sibling would not stop trying to shove their blasphemous lies onto me, the person started treating me like some sort of evil being and cut off contact for years. Now my sib is taking a totally different tactic. They aren't spouting a lot of superstitious mumbo jumbo. My sib has abandoned all that now because their spouse told them to.However, my sibling acts like if you value a practice of repentance, then you are some sort of dead-souled pharasee bound for destruction. My sibling thinks that you need to only ever repent once and that's it- just sin all you want afterwards and never worry about the state of your soul again. Which is ridiculous. The Bible makes it clear that we walk with God on a path to heaven by having a relationship with him. What kind of relationship lasts when you stop taking responsibility for your ongoing problems?🙄 When I won't buy in to my sib's blasphemy (and, they know it's blasphemy they were definitely raised to know better), they treat me like I am a child of the devil. When I explain that God knows me and only he has the right to judge me, my sibling has an attitude that since THEY are "the one who is a Christian" THEY have the right to judge me because THEY are the one who "is of God". 'Oh please 🙄, snort'. Yeah, this person needs to keep their sin-dirt behind off of the throne of Jesus. It's not a place that is reserved for them. I finally finagled a truce by convincing my sibling that it's best that we don't discuss religion. But, it doesn't stop them from going on about my supposedly demonic soul to their flying monkeys. One of my sib's favorite excuses for condemning me is to claim that I hate prayer. I don't hate prayer. I pray to God throughout the day. I just don't want my sib praying over me. I got icked out by it many many years ago. My sibling used to lay their hands on me and speak in tongues - fine and dandy if that's how they connect with God. But, this time I was weirded out by what my sib did directly after. You'd think that communing with the Holy Spirit would elevate a person. But, the first thing my sibling did after praying over me was to go into a 5-10 minute long spiel where she lied about and unjustifiably attacked our mother's character. And, I could clearly tell that my sib was spouting baloney. They even included a story that they had told me about our mother earlier. Only this time events were deliberately changed around to make it look like my mom was being a bad person when it had been a completely neutral story in the past. It disturbed me so much that I won't let my sib pray over me anymore. I am not interested in negative spiritual energy disguised as Godliness.
The narcissist chose you because their tricks work on you. Any relationship will fail once you evolve into a wiser version of yourself, often at this point they will wander off and find new followers for their cult. It is wise to let them go. Take what you have left and start again. Beware children of Narcissists, even if they are your own, you may be fighting for the next one destined to heart you. Take time to heal and walk into the future one step at a time. Wishing Danish and all peace and love.
Ι say in a serious tone how things are, the truth. They can't stand it. Usually, they get shocked. In any case, seeing narcissists as sick people helps to see them as weak and problematic and you don't take personally what they say but instead feel sorry for them. How can you face a sick person or a small child that doesn't know that he /she is disillusioned. You just listen, tell the truth, and in the worst scenario you ignore.
Guess what, Danish? I'm finally leaving! Oh the joy of knowing that only one more month and I will be free. I agree with your suggestions and am wondering WHY I am always apt to respond instantly to the narc and not take my time. I will try my best to take this advice and wait, think it through in my mind what is the best way to respond. #2. For over 50 years he has told me I'm crazy, I'm imagining things, etc. I'm wondering if they say these things to test and see how well their manipulations are working and if you really 'think' you are as they say. A response I thought of is 'maybe it's YOU who is imagining things?'. It's so true though that you will NEVER win with them. Leave. And soon I will be. Yay! P.S. My leaving will be fairly easy because he's spent all the money, our kids are grown and we own no property. He planned it all this way, so I couldn't leave. Haha. I'm leaving anyway. The opportunity came up and I seized upon it. I will not let the doorknob hit me in the ass as I leave him. Goodbye, adios.
u cant find perceptual space in such an injust situation..so i dont believe in a calm voice...but ofcourse we have to protect ourselves...its all the time living in pain, and practice self-love and a litle self-expression..but thanku again Danish!
