* Diet Culture, Fat Phobia, and WLS * Chatty GRWM * 

So I am 11 years out from Bypass surgery. I have had ups and downs during that time with my life and my weight. I had surgery at 39 and yesterday I turned 50 ....still my regret is why didn’t I do it sooner. Not to fit into any societal norms but to be healthier and to be able to be involved in doing the sports that I love etc. I to thought several times this weight is where my body wants to be...I thought that at 185 and then again at 170 and again at 150 and now I am at around 138. You see my point it really wasn’t where my body “wanted” to be but me making an excuse of why I wasn’t going to the next level. Like an alcoholic going to AA...there is always a reason they stop going. I won’t get into the addiction of it all because that has been discussed multiple times. My advice to many is don’t overthink it. Keep moving forward change the mindset and think about fueling your body. We are all experts at making excuses most of us had years of practice. Stop thinking about what society says you know in your mind what is right for you. And don’t use the fat acceptance movement as an excuse to stay stuck if you don’t want to be. If that’s what you want then god bless but if not then get into that uncomfortable space and do the work to move forward with your health goals.

Such an important discussion. I was an avid follower of Christy Harrison, Virgie Tovar, Jes Baker, etc. before WLS, and I still am. I proceeded with surgery despite my acknowledgement of systemic size oppression and support of the anti-diet movement because I'm not going to martyr myself for the cause. I hope that one day people won't feel compelled to make this decision, but I'm glad that I did.

Oof. I could have an hours long conversation about this. Diet culture and our relationship to it as bariatric patients is so complex and so nuanced, and I am right there with you with your concerns and your fears about this. I came into VSG even after delving really deep into challenging my own notions of diet culture and my own relationship with food. I think what I most struggled with, and what really tipped me over the edge to finally getting surgery were those societal norms - because fighting them is exhausting, and constant, and nearly Sisyphean. And I am infinitely discerning in who I follow and how I involve myself with the WLS community, because there are certainly toxic accounts and toxic conversations happening, that I can’t associate with because they are so detrimental to my mental health. And yeah, I definitely grapple with having voluntarily mutilated my body in order to conform to what society deems “acceptable”. I am RIGHT THERE with you on so much of this conversation. I’m here whenever you want to talk or work through this, or just want a sounding board. 💜💜 (I also find it super ironic that YT keeps feeding me plastic surgery ads during your video. Oh RU-vid. 🙄).

Couple of thoughts: I am 13 years out and have keep my weight in a 5 pound range the entire time. I have tons of restrictions, which I am thrilled with, because I do not "think" about food all the time anymore like I did pre surgery....... 100% agree with you about vegan and keto....... my intent is not to offend anybody, but when you are super large, there is a good chance you are not super healthy, your weight affects your loved ones, it is almost inconsiderate - I have an aunt who is over 400 pounds and her weight and her body limitations restrict things at family functions, has put the burden on her kids, who have struggled to lift her when she has fallen etc. I just think people should try and live a healthy life - it does not have to be societies version of "thin", but our bodies are amazing and we should be in a weight range that allows us to live life to the fullest. Thank you for your video and your make-up looks great.

As always you are thoughtful and articulate! I have been the largest person in the room for most of my life prior to WLS. I don't regret it in any way, but I have to acknowledge that I am more focused on food and more critical of myself than I ever was before losing weight. The path to self acceptance feels like a never-ending journey and the mental fatigue is too real.

14 years out and here’s my thoughts based upon my own journey. Being personality accountable will be a necessity for the rest of my life. It may be tracking, watching the quantities of certain foods I bring in. Once I don’t pay attention I gain weight. It’s simple. My body was obese. It loved to be obese. I can return there any time. It will take careful decisions with food to keep the weight off long term. I did therapy at 2 years out which they stressed “normalized eating” which I think is what you are referring to. But normalize eating is not some thing I have innately and that’s what I think the people that lead my group didn’t understand. They all seem to think that eating disorders stress from trauma and mine did not. I was a kid who was always overweight from the time they were little. I never learned how to do moderation. I was also brought up in a house where crap food was the norm. Moderation is not a given for me even post surgery because my brain gives me messages that more is better constantly. Running a support group I’ve seen the people that have gained a bit back significantly. Many of them don’t track and are not accountable. They get busy and life gets in the way and they fall off completely off of habits. Another big regainer that I see is alcohol. It really takes consistency and discipline to keep it off long-term. There’s no other way to say it other than for most of us it requires work and yes it requires thinking and planning. There are times when I get off track and eat whatever the hell I want for a week and then I have to go back on the scale and then I have to see Dawn get your shit together. The scale keeps me accountable. I can’t live like that eating whatever I want all the time --that’s how I got to 300 pounds. Keto is not for me. It’s a tool for some who enjoy the foods. I have a good friend who’s many many many years out and she loves it and she does not feel deprived in anyway. For me I can’t stand all those fake breads. I like real bread so I have to do a different way of eating. I do weight watchers instead. I much prefer a variety of food to feel normal. The key is we have to find what works for us long term and it’s hard. I have 14 years out there are times I struggle. There are times that I feel in control. We are constantly fighting that fat gene and those fat cells that are in our body, and a predisposition to be obese. Studies show that it’s much harder for a person that was overweight to sustain being thinner. I am marvel at those people that postop can do moderation well but I do find that most of them are people that gain weight because of medication or because of having babies. Their gain of weight was an anomaly. For those of us that have been obese forever it is much harder to sustain our weight loss from what I see

I'm almost turning 2 years of VSG. I've regained half of the weight I've lost but now I'm back to losing it. Also, I'm documenting my journey for accountability and it helps me push myself & keep motivated. I've been active in my Instagram and now I'm back to the youtube world. Not a lot of people will understand but this is why we make our videos.

Honestly I think this kind of topic is very beneficial. Especially in this community. Because, there isn’t one way to do things “correctly” and there is definitely a lot of that assumption within the community. I love people in the community. But I totally understand what you’re saying and I think this kind of topic again, if you’re comfortable staying, definitely has a place here ♥️ Also, make up on point as always 👌🏻

Girl, I cant pick out things to write about. So, much of this topic I can relate too. It really had me thinking. 💗

I love the typeface and design of your thumbnails. Another great video Grace. I always look forward to hearing what you have to say.

I completely have had the same thoughts and feelings. I decided on rny because I was given 4-5 years to live due to heart issues from undetected sleep apnea, not from blocked arteries. Lol.. I also am short and was over weight which made my heart work so hard. I had been hyperfocused on food and began eating healthy but unable to exercise. I decided to have the surgery and learn how to exercise again, and I feel so much better. Now, 6 months out I am definitely focusing every day on health, food and moving my body. It is still overwhelming as it was before. I can only speak for me but I was doing that prior to wt loss surgery and I was living my last days at 53 years old. I have chosen to continue to dwell on food and eating properly because I think it is best for my heart. It is a hard, mental struggle. For me, I am always thinking about food but I would rather do it when I am at a healthy weight and alive instead of fat and having trouble breathing and dying like before. Good luck to you! I do understand the struggle and it is not fair that some do not have the same struggles in life. Xoxo

Thank you so much for putting into words what I could not Express. You and I are at the same place. Our STATS are very similar. I too have decided that I am just not willing to restrict my calories anymore to lose 13 lbs to get back to my pre-civil wt. You really helped me when you said that there is really no reason why that I should have to other than the vanity and psyche of it all. I love the way I still look in my clothes, can do things I used to couldn't do, all health issues are gone, etc. I think this is where the Bariatric Surgery Departments do not do a good job with-Maintenance is best!! Best wishes!!

As you know from previous comments, I've been thinking a lot about some of these things too. I do have some differences in that I haven't reached a weight that is considered "normal" or "healthy". I'm 17 months post-VSG and I've lost 130 lbs, but I started at 402 (I've been fluctuating within the 270s for all of 2020). I should add that I'm 5'6" for height reference. My mobility is SO much better, though I'd love for it to be better still, but I have an auto-immune disorder and while carrying more weight on my body can exacerbate the symptoms, I will have the symptoms during flare-ups for my whole life, regardless of my size. This is forefront in my mind, today, being that I'm having a bad flare-up and I can't use the right side of my body properly--but maybe tomorrow will be better and I can be active again. It's *funny* that you bring up the tracking, though, because in the last few days I've been thinking about spending a week not using myfitnesspal and JUST relying on my hunger cues, my understanding of how different foods make me feel, etc., and truly relying on the tool that is my tiny tummy pouch. I think, after listening to you talk in this video, that it would be a good idea for me to do it for a week. I mean, it's one week. Nothing so drastic can happen one way or another, but it will give me a sense of whether I'm mentally in a space where I'm ready to make some shifts. Thanks for sharing your thoughts the way you do.

Definitely a thought provoking video. I had a time when I was at a lower weight where I had feelings/ desires to eat myself sick, especially in sweets, and it was way easier to do than ever before surgery. It was like if I was going to have something for a special occasion I had to really indulge to the point of over doing it. I don’t restrict the same way now so I don’t struggle with that the same... I give myself permission to have what I want, at least to a degree - there’s still that connotation I give it, like oh I’m having a fat day, don’t judge me. I guess I’m just relaying that I’ve definitely had my struggles with disordered eating post VSG. I don’t regret surgery at all but I understand the pause/ concerns. I got so caught up in obsessing about weight loss that I lost track of my life... but I still have desires to be thinner again. But I also don’t want to put in the effort needed to be that size again. So what to do? I’ve decided I’m going to balance my life with the shit that makes me feel good. Exercising some, eating what I want to but also more thoughtful about what I eat, allowing the dessert and the wine etc. And ultimately I try to consume body affirmative social media and I try to love and appreciate this in between place I find myself at. I think ultimately if RU-vid stops being a place that benefits you to be on, leave it behind. But also consider focusing on other content if having a channel suits you. I love your other videos because they’re yours. I find it hard to watch a lot of weight loss RU-vid because it’s depressing to me, or it’s very preachy, and trust me, that was me, thinking I knew everything (I’m not referring to you, but to weight loss channels in general.) I knew what I knew at the time, and I know what I know now. Anyway, whichever direction you go I wish you happiness with it. I always say people should live in a way that they’re at peace with. ♥️💕♥️

Thanks for the video! I really enjoyed hearing your thoughts. I have had many of the same thoughts but also some that are very different because of course we are different people and we are at very different stages of our life. I had surgery in my 40's after having gained and lost hundreds of pounds over the years. I've been dieting since I was a teenager. I do think about food a lot now but I did that before surgery. It was my whole life! I did think about everything I ate and truthfully now, I still do but in a different way that feels better in general but not always. But I understand how your experience is different. As I got older my habits got worse and so I can't even imagine how it would have been if I had surgery at your age before I had done as much mental and physical damage to myself.

I really enjoy your grwm videos Grace :) For the most part I love the philosophy and practice of intuitive eating. I do agree it fails to capture the lived experience of living in a very large body and the physical pain and barriers it creates. Although I don't think intuitive eating necessarily goes as far as haes in that respect. I am also very scared of my body deciding it wants to "set" higher again and whether or not regain is inevitable. I am mentally preparing for regain and to accept it to a certain degree.... But like you I struggle with where that line is. I definitely agree about restrict binge cycles screwing up metabolism, I am holding onto hope that by not engaging in restrict binge cycles I will be able to keep my weight down.

Oh and your makeup looks especially beautiful! I love this look on you!

I totally agree that regain is inevitable, but the difference between before vsg and after for me, is that now I recognize it faster and do something about. Before I would notice I was gaining weight and never thought there was an ending point, so I would continue to eat Doritos. Haha Good luck on your journey and you are still young and have so much time to figure everything out!

I had recorded a video about what I had changed regarding my eating and uploaded it twice, it was froze and there was no sound so I need to rerecord it. But it is sorta on the same line, at least regarding the way we are eating... nice make-up by the way❤

I really enjoy watching your videos, have done from the beginning, It’s so much more mental than anything. I’m trying to get a balance too, but then I get the I want to loose more to get back to my happy weight but it’s almost impossible to maintain unless I just drink tea all day. I managed to get to my heigh weight by dieting mostly but hardly felt full. I also need to get out of the going back to diet mentality but it draws my in with hope every time only to fail because I make things too restrictive to stick too. You are amazing and inspirational xx

I think when our efforts aren’t going so well and we feel helpless to avoid overeating, we tend to blame society’s thinness expectations. But we need to rer our original aspirations and not give up on our goals. Interestingly, carbs, even healthy ones, especially if that’s the majority of our diet, tends to increase our insulin which keeps our cravings going and makes it almost impossible to control them. We have to put ourselves first, at least until we reach our goal, and eat the things that will not spike our insulin, which is often going to be meat and other low carb proteins. We shouldn’t sacrifice all the work we have done in the past, all the money we have spent and all the risks we have taken just because of some altruistic virtue signaling that is very popular right now (esp. in certain social circles and cities). After reaching our goal there is certainly no reason we can’t go back to such things if that makes us feel better about ourselves. But the fact is that spiking insulin is the MAIN culprit in cravings and weight gain, according to Dr. Jason Fung who wrote The Obesity Code, a bestseller from a few years ago. All the other dieting fads from the past have not worked out for most people (low calorie, fake chemical laden diet foods, six small meals, vegan, vegetarian). However the proof is in the pudding regarding Keto and Intermittent Fasting, which is why they are so incredibly popular. There are multiple, multiple RU-vid videos about people who have for once in their life finally experienced success with weight loss using Keto and Intermittent Fasting. But they did have to go through a three day period of great difficulty. If you know in advance that that will be the case, it is easier to make it through the first 72 hours. Once you get over the three (3) day hump of detoxing from the effect of carbs and chemicals in Franken diet foods, suddenly the cravings dissipate and we have our power back. We can’t base our chances of success on the way we feel during that difficult first three days of staying away from carbs. It won’t be like that forever. Remember that low carb worked for you quite well during your first two years postop. There was a reason for that. It may have worked better if the food choices were real whole high protein low carb high fat foods rather than commercially available processed keto snacks. Those may have been the slippery slope that pushed you out of low carb and made it stop working for you as well. Don’t let politically correct friends and acquaintances cause you to sabotage all your previous hard work. Even if you don’t go for Keto, you can just do low-carb and intermittent fasting, basically skipping breakfast and drinking water for the first two hours of each day, which will be most effective if you choose clean whole low-carb foods and not low carb refined snacky foods. They often have questionable ingredients and not so great macros, plus they trigger that part of your brain that used to like to snack on junk preop. If you stock up on low carb clean whole foods, you can still do intuitive eating, just in a low-carb way. You don’t necessarily have to track everything on an app, weigh yourself every day or do meal prep, if your kitchen is full of nothing but low carb choices. I thought of an idea for a way to exercise in your new apartment without worrying about bothering your neighbors, And that would be buying an elliptical. It will probably be a challenge to get it up into your apartment! Maybe a stud can help you... But once it’s there you can do as little or as much as you want even while watching TV or listening to music. They don’t take up much room. They don’t make noises that will bother your neighbors, they are low impact and are a good second choice from going to the gym or going outside were things can be a little dicey in Seattle right now, especially for a single white female. You will always have it available for rainy days or cold weather or due to the fact that we don’t really know when the gyms are going to be fully open. You can be the exception and get in better shape during the quarantine. You don’t need to overdo it or get super sweaty on your elliptical in your apartment for it to be effective. The main thing is consistency and doing it at least 20 minutes a day. Don’t lose sight of your original goals and intentions. If you wear makeup to look your best, then you can lose weight to look your best. There is not much difference between the two mindsets. It doesn’t have to mean that you are beholden to society’s unfair expectations. It just means you are doing the best for yourself and doing what you really want to do and achieving what you really want to achieve for yourself. If your self-esteem comes from God and the fact that He loves you unconditionally, then your self-esteem won’t be affected by whatever your weight is doing. But that doesn’t mean you can’t keep pushing towards your weight loss goals that you originally had. It has nothing to do with your self esteem or worth as a human being, regardless of what society might say. Of course God loves you in whatever state your body is in, but you may as well continue to push forward towards what you originally wanted to achieve. I’m not sure if I agree with the statement that your current body is capable of everything that your thinner body was. I know even if I am up 5 pounds I feel more sluggish and more tired. I don’t let whatever my weight is doing affect my self-esteem, because my self-esteem comes from the fact that God first loved me in whatever state my body is or was in. With that assurance, we can go forward and not play into society’s games, but we can still achieve the goals we have for ourselves. We won’t love ourselves any more or less even after we achieve our goal, because our self-love doesn’t originate from what our body looks like, but from the fact that God loved us first. But if you have to live life in a body, it may as will be the one you really want. You can reach your goal and still get your self-esteem from God and not from thinness.

F the BMI chart !! It is absolute bullshit. As we are all different. When i hit the BMI charts "Healthy Range " People started saying I looked too thin... and needed to gain weight... We are Fd either way... Also, i was happy as a bigger girl...i just couldn't do the things i wanted to do in life.. and wanted to live long enough to see my kids grow up. And its been a battle. From band to bypass starting in 2006. It's a life long journey... were going to hit speed bumps along the way. And fluctuate. But as long as we stay aware, fingers crossed, we will be able to maintain our individual healthy weight range. I love watching you and your thoughts. Xx

OMG 1ST ONE HERE..YIPPEE!!!

Keep tracking!

I'm wondering regain with VSG compared with gastric bypass patients, maybe the pendulum will swing the other way to gastric bypass re becoming gold standard. I've had other people talk about the dumping syndrome, hard to digest carbs, inability to eat sugar without having hypoglycemic, harder to eat types of meat Where VSG is still your own stomach and people find it easier to eat regular foods. My theory is with bypass you are more likely to get to normal BMI range and harder (although not impossible) to regain. I also think there needs to be more support after surgery and food addiction addressed. Surgery was definitely the only way I could lose weight and keep it off, I tried everything else and my weight was holding me back from the outdoor activities I wanted to do and the dating scene.

Snackbae there is sooo much to unpack. Being 2.5 years out as well. I have some regain. I do feel a sense of failure...BUT I also didn't like how I looked at a lower weight. Being so goal oriented and struggling to meet an arbitrary weight is a bummer. And yet is still feel successful. I have maintained my smallest size which is a 12. I look and feel good but not gonna lie - My ultimate goal is a 10. I lose a size roughly every 25 lbs. So I JUST said i didnt love how my face looked and yet im trying to drop 15 pounds lower than that. smh. And the thought of having to track every single bite for ever literally is not appealing. But Ill be damned if i gain. A giant walking contradiction. i liked fat me. there wasnt much i couldnt do fat. but the vanity....of being able to walk into a store and buy essentially anything i love. sorry for the rant but we are in similar places mentally.

Hi there. I have a few comments. You know me from IG. I don’t comment unless I agree or believe I can add value. Some words I live by are that we don’t have to agree on everything to be friends. Here is my novella. Take it or leave it. This is simply my experience. 1. I almost got caught up in Christy Harrison’s rhetoric until I realized that she is just another person profiting from what she is pushing. She is another person telling us what to do and that her way is the only way. Also, I don’t want my dietician bridging any gaps in social justice. I would prefer my political figures to be more than specialists in diet and food. I think Abby Sharp who has a RU-vid channel does a much better job of demonstrating how intuitive eating can be applied. I don’t agree with Abby on everything, but at least she provides balanced, evidence based info. 2. I too had a very high BMI. BMI is a stupid formula thought to provide insight across large populations, but it doesn’t work. At 5’1 and a size 10, weighing in most days between 165 and 172, I am still obese. I could care less. I could lose 20 more pounds, but I am happy where I am if I don’t. 3. It isn’t vanity unless it is excessive. You may care more about looks than you used to. However, you are so socially conscious that I doubt you are truly vain. 4. I was pushed into diets as a kid and teen. My sister and I were on a medically supervised weight loss program complete with diet pills when I was 16. I believe I weighed 160 lbs at the start. I had a definite phase of rebellion against dieting, but I am much older than you, so I went through various programs losing large amounts of weight and gaining it back multiple times. 5. I truly believe for many of us that obesity is a disease and bariatric surgery should be a first line of treatment not a last resort. I wish I had gone for loop DS because it is a bit more durable. If I can’t control my weight over time, I may convert. I am a member and supporter of the Obesity Action Coalition. 6. Preop I had a huge drive to eat, and I believe it was mostly hormonal because it has been gone for the most part since VSG. Though I had a few indicators of binge eating disorder, I do not believe I had it. I actually think of food less than preop, and I can go without eating until my blood sugar starts giving me signs that it is low, so I too eat on a schedule most of the time. Sure I still want to do some emotional eating during stressful times, but I make myself eat fruit first, and that usually does the trick. I do not identify with any mental health issues personally except that I have a stressful job, and it is normal for many people to want to self-soothe with eating under stress. Not that having other issues is not normal. Unless someone is one of those people who can’t eat when stressed, most of us want to. I have always been confident, and I still am. I don’t have body dysmorphia or any other negative results. I am just happier. 7. Some regain is certainly the reality for most bariatric surgery patients, but few gain all of the weight back. There is also better research on set point theory with bariatric patients out of the University of a Michigan. They found that new set points develop when maintaining a lower weight, and one can push through to lower set points. 8. To quote Dr. Walter Medlin and Reeger CORTELL (WLS podcast). We all need to give ourselves some grace during this pandemic. Even the naturally skinny folks are putting on some weight. 9. The diet industry stinks, but the word diet is not bad. It simply means what we eat. I am getting into Flexible dieting myself because I think it will work for me, and though tracking is helpful, there are ways around it. Thank goodness because I am terrible at it. Intuitive eating is what we should strive to reach, but not what HAES folks push specifically. We didn’t know how before bariatric surgery because we ignored our cues, had hormonal issues, or any of many other reasons. Learning to eat intuitively could take years. 10. Health is my number one reason for weight loss, but looking good doesn’t hurt. I don’t want a tan or to wear a bikini, so I may not even do skin removal. My husband and I believe we would rather travel more. 11. This is all very complex. You will figure out what is right for you. The fact that you are thinking about it puts you ahead of many. If social media isn’t helping you, change it or even quit. You are more important than any people on the Internet.

I think there is something to a set weight concept, but I also believe we can RE-set weight. I think the body finds a groove and settles into it, but it’s like the back of a reclining lawn chair where the bar sits comfortably in a groove, but the degree of incline can also be adjusted by pushing the bar into a different groove where it can then also sit comfortably. 🤷‍♀️ I also look at regain as being not unlike the recovery of an addict... relapse is part of the process of recovery with addiction and regain is part of the process of recovery from obesity, which I’m sorry, is food addiction. Addiction of any kind is merely a symptom of a deeper issue. People who say they got fat because they like food makes me crazy. Every living thing on the planet LIKES food, we’d all be dead if we didn’t. The difference is people without food addiction and the underlying issues that spark it can like and indulge in all the foods and still know when to stop.. the rest of us do not. that’s why although I’m annoyed about my own regain, I’m not necessarily mad at it. I think it’s a reminder of where we DON’T want to be and that we need to work just a little bit harder than most to make sure we don’t get too comfortable in that former groove. I don’t think anybody can eat everything they want and never have to think about it.. that’s just balance. We pick our battles so to speak.

While you/many of us might be genetically predisposed to gaining weight more easily than others or holding onto weight I agree...I don’t think that means that’s the weight we are supposed to be. I have had several times in my life where I just ate whatever I wanted and it was freeing. I don’t think that’s how thin people do it though. While they don’t have to diet, they probably were always aware or watching what they ate. I’m pretty sure my thin friends never made a giant bowl of rice krispie treats in a bowl and ate it for dinner. It’s a strange cultural thing that we aspire to eating thoughtlessly or bingeing. It’s definitely a problem in our society. So it’s probably a new normal that we will have to “watch” for the rest of our lives. What I do notice on YT is that some people will have a binge weekend, gain 7 pounds or something insane, then do some newfangled diet plan to lose it. This is not what it all was for no matter how many views it gets. I used to and sometimes still want to eat to until I’m so full it hurts and that’s a problem. These types of behaviors are what we should be getting away from. Our new lifestyle should be about balance, health, moderation and intuitive eating. I feel like there should be much more emphasis on this and therapy with bariatric surgery. I hope that you will continue doing your videos through your maintenance phase. You are very thoughtful about the whole process. Jess from WatchKittyShrink has said that it’s much harder than the losing the weight itself and I can see why. It’s revamping everything you thought about food. It’s probably where all the real work starts.

Why is the term obese/obesity considered a slur?