Don' t worry brother, do as many videos as u like, if u feel better. And I hope the movie will turn out good, just don't stress so much about it. You are not crazy, i had some bad day yesterday and felt the same; probably some anxiety due to lack of vitamins, or I am just too stressed at this moment. With movie or without the movie, you are a great person with a big heart, who managed to survive. Just continue, God is with you; i pray that he keeps u well and helps u with the ministry and all the rest. Anyway, take care and i see you on the next stream.
Thank you for your comment. You have blessed me. Father in heaven. Thank you for hearing me as you always do. I ask that you fill blackhawkro 1983 with your love and wisdom. Take the stress away and move the mountains in front of him. In the MIGHTY name of Jesus Christ from Nazareth, AMEN!!!
I have never seen you or your videos before and I have no idea how in the world a video with only 20 views showed up in my feed... Perhaps I was led here? Here's why I say that... From what you are saying (as a person that I do not know one thing about!), it seems like, generally speaking, you are very worried about all the details regarding your past and even what you think you are SUPPOSED to do in the future. Of course I realize that it is extremely difficult to forgive ourselves for times we have hurt our loved ones in the past, but all you can do is apologize and then step back and ACCEPT that the past is PASSED. You can not longer control it. You've just got to let it go. And the same thing is true of sin... Particularly for those of us who fall into the Obsessive Compulsive kind of thinking, we automatically default to feeling guilty about things we think we did wrong... From my experience, I suspect that we do this because our parents never accepted us and were always mad at us and nothing was ever good enough for them. As 4 or 7 year-old we internalized this message about us and our worth as TRUE because we did not know better. You just mentioned PTSD. I know absolutely nothing about that and am certainly not fit to give you advice, but I will continue what I've started... Here's the thing... you've got to be easier on yourself. You are human. All humans mess up. It doesn't mean that you are bad or that you should feel guilty. All you can do is realize your mistake (WOW you just said "mistake" as I typed mistake)! OMG, now you are saying what I just typed!!! :) Anyway, just consider the idea that when you think Satan is re-accussing you over things to make you feel guilty, that it is actually your own mind that is accusing you because, perhaps at some point in your life you were on the receiving end of being treated like everyone you did was wrong or bad or not good enough. This just might be a BELIEF about yourself that you have internalized because your mom or dad spent so many years telling you that you are a piece of crap. Just consider that. Satan can't be inside your head reading your thoughts and giving you new thoughts. It is more likely you who are re-accusing yourself because you and I learned as children that no matter what, we are always bad failures who are un-redeemable pieces of crap due to whatever was wrong inside our parent's head. Remember that "sin" is an archery term that literally means "To miss the mark". It does not mean you are worthless crap because you missed the goal, it means that you missed and you need to re-aim. No big deal. It's not like God doesn't know that he made us as humans and that humans mess up. Here's the thing... You are not Jesus, just as I am not Jesus. Since you are not Jesus, then there is no reason that you should be expecting yourself to be perfect and sinless. Right? You can't do that. I can't do that. That's an impossible task. Don't forget that Jesus talked a lot about forgiveness. Don't forget that. His whole thing was to recognize when you messed up or are on the wrong path (sin) and simply turn away from that (repent), and MOVE FORWARD INTO THE FUTURE living from your new identity. Just give it a try. Try out the idea that it is you and your beliefs about yourself (from your parents?) that are re-accusing you, not Satan. This will give you CONTROL over your own thoughts. If you think that a force or being outside of you is giving you your thoughts that guarantees that you will never realize that you can control and change them. It is not helpful to think that thoughts come from Satan. I'm not judging you on how you think, I'm saying that it is not helpful to YOU to think that thoughts comes from Satan. TRY OUT accepting that all your thoughts are yours, remember that Jesus says he forgives you 100% after you turn away (repent) and confess the thing. Now that you know ALL your thoughts are yours, TAKE CONTROL and BELIEVE WHAT JESUS SAID when he said that you ARE forgiven. Now, take the reins of your thoughts and FOLLOW Jesus by GIVING YOURSELF A BREAK and ACCEPT that you are forgiven. Okay. Here is the last thing.... You are going to be ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE FOREVER if you tie your self-worth to external things and accomplishing external things that you THINK God wants you to do... Especially the massive almost impossible endless gargantuan task of creating a movie. Dude, you need to step into the forgiveness and the REST that Jesus provides. Believe him. Believe Jesus. Remember Jesus said, "Come to me you who are weary and heavy laden, for with me you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light". Do not tie your self-worth or self-acceptance to accomplishing things "for God"... Otherwise guilt and never being good enough will be the way you feel feel until the end. To illustrate what I'm trying to say, Jesus did NOT ever say, "You have sinned and I forgive you (sort of). Just kidding! I WILL actually forgive you and decide that you are good enough AS LONG AS you toil and tarry to carry out this gargantuan impossible task I will give you. And make sure you feel like you will not be good enough in my eyes until you complete the task". Okay ;) I think that makes my point. I should point out that my ego did not write any of this. I am not judging you in any way - in fact I have revealed that I think I am crap myself thanks to what my parents said when I was young. You should hear my self talk when I mess up! Yikes!!! Okay, last thing. Okay, you already know that Jesus said that he loves you ALREADY as you are RIGHT NOW. Okay, so consider the idea that God did not actually give you the idea to make a movie. Now, why would I say that? Am I speaking for Satan to stop you from accomplishing God's task? No. I say it because I realize that you will never ever be happy and able to accept yourself 100% and live in peace and love AS LONG AS you have this task that you are SUPPOSED TO DO hanging over you. That is my gut feeling on the subject. And I do not know where all this stuff I just typed came from or why I spent this long typing it! But I think you need to ACCEPT YOURSELF because Jesus does. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK. YOU ARE ENOUGH. Right now. Without the movie. Can you accept that? Can you choose to accept that? You can choose happiness and contentment. Or you can choose to believe that your rest and your "good enough" acceptance from God is somewhere out in the future years down the line after you accomplish ________________ whatever the thing is today. I'm not saying that you should not do the movie. Do what you think you should. I'm saying that I think you need to fully forgive and fully accept yourself RIGHT NOW as you are as GOOD ENOUGH. See yourself through the eyes of Jesus and his forgiveness and rest. Wow, I just scrolled up to grab what I am about to paste here, and this post is H U G E!! Wow! Okay, here is the ending: Jesus said, "Come to me you who are weary and heavy laden, for with me you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light". Do not tie your self-worth or self-acceptance to accomplishing things "for God" because he ALREADY accepts you right now, as you are, based on what you have already done- NOT based on what you think he wants you to accomplish in the future. RELAX REST Sit in peace and try to quiet your mind. It IS allowed. :) The past is passed, the future is not here yet. The only thing we actually do control is the present moment. The present is a present. No. Not 5 minutes or 5 hours from now. You don't control that. You control RIGHT NOW. Right this second. You control your thoughts and feelings right now. That means that forgiveness and acceptance of yourself occurs RIGHT NOW within your own thoughts. You can take action in the present to prepare or create whatever future you are going for, but we only control right NOW. Same is true of people. We don't control any of them or how we imagine they might think of us. We only control us. I don't know how I came across your video, but I hope that my insights about myself and my negative self-talk and negative sense of self (from my parents)- which is what this all is- this is all about me.... I hope this is helpful to you. :) Take control of all your thoughts. Live like Satan doesn't put thoughts in your head. Because he probably doesn't. Take control of all your thoughts. God bless.
