Gail Mackenzie I've been abused in the worst possible way and when your a guy nobody takes it seriously I cry all the time my mum don't care I told her she just says I should of told someone family phycologists doctors only are in it for them selves I cut myself to ease my pain I don't think anyone would miss me
For a long time I thought my therapist didn't really care about me or anything, but then she moved to a different city. In our very last session she told me I was her favourite client, that she purposely made me her very last session, and she brought me a little gift, and we hugged and she started to cry.
Aww that's so sweet. The thing is the therapists also are humans who can feel and get attached. Though, professionally it isn't good. But then they have ways to deal with it. I also love my sessions with my counsellor, it's always like venting to my friend tho this friend is a professional.
My therapist became a friend after she retired. She recognized that if this friendship was going to work she would have to share personal stories with me, which she did. Now, years later, she is an honorary grandmother to my toddler and a dear friend. But I recognize this is unusual.
when I was 16, I was so scared to drive a car due to my social anxiety. my therapist offered to go driving with me one day in her car because she really did care about me as a patient and my heart sank. I told her no because I felt embarrassed but the offer will always be a very loved memory in my heart
Hmm, I have mixed feelings on this. I had a therapist when I was a kid who I became extremely attached too. I saw her like a mom. I know that's not healthy, but, my situation was VERY complex. I was in foster care from abuse by the hands of my biological father and no foster home really kept me for long because my father was a police officer, anyway it is a LONG story. But, my therapist was the only one who stuck through everything with me. The interviews, the court dates, the moving from foster home to foster home (which was 11 in total), etc. and she was and still continues to be my best friend. I love her like a family member. And while I don't see her anymore because she works with children up to 21. (I Just turned 21). I still see her and we have lunch and we are in contact still. She's honesty the reason I am still here today. Everyone is different, we definitely were both very attached but I don't think it negatively effected her and it definitely didn't negatively effect me!
LeaveMeAlone333 it's not about you, its about a therapist being unprofessionally involved in you. I know that sounds harsh, but you're ok getting attached to a point but a therapist shouldn't because she's not your mom. she can't take over or make decisions about your life or let you affect her life decisions. you go your separate ways after you've been given tools and support for decisions only you can make. if it crosses that line were she's transferring her life into yours and yours into hers, it becomes messy.
Im really jealous, wish I had that kind of therapist.. cuz I never had anyone that loved me. And still am very lonely. I'm glad you had somebody that could help you, you are so lucky.
My therapist knows WAY TO MUCH about me for me to want to be friends with her. Also I would question her judgment on picking friends, and making good decisions.
parkwaydrive77 During time at the day hospital I was called Susan several times.. and even though I corrected them, they kept calling me Susan.. It ended up I wrote my name on a white sticker .... Worried me that these CPNs were.making notes on me .. or were they making notes on Susan. I despair with the System.
dont take it too personally, they could just be terrible with names or preoccupied with something else, it could even be a preoccupied thought they were having about you.
I know this may seem odd, but I would ask to they remember meaningful information about you. Your name is arbitrary, it's important to you but gives no clues to who you are. I has ct's whose names a stumble over but I will remember the first conversation we had and details about shifts in interaction patterns that they had told me "you remember that." I can't speak for the therapist you worked with but notice if he remembers the substance of your interactions if not then find a new therapist
I have a very unconventional relationship with an old therapist of mine. We quickly realized after a few weeks together that we were very compatible friend wise. She led a group I was in. After I completed the group we would occasionally text and eventually she ended up leaving the profession for a number of reasons. We met for coffee, and the rest is history she's one of my best friends and still one of the best therapists I've ever had.
That's really interesting and awesome! It's hard for me to imagine a relationship with a former therapist to develop in that way but that's just because I'm a teenager and my therapists have always been about 20 years older than me :)
I do think my psychiatrist cared a great deal about me. We said goodbye and I wasn’t expecting a hug or anything bc even though I thought he was amazing and lovely and helped me so much and everything else, I just didn’t know if hugging my psychiatrist was appropriate, especially since he was a male. But he hugged me, told me and my mother we were a lovely family and teared up a bit. Kinda tugs at my heart strings whenever I think of it.
I saw my counsellor for like 2 years, she had to stop seeing me, she was like I hate staying goodbye and she was about to go in to tears as she walked away
I saw a therapist for a long time and in the end I was the one that wanted to leave and my therapist told me if I ever left her it would be the worst mistake I ever made. I think we were in therapy too long and she became attached. All we did was argue because I challenged her on everything. I saw this as a sign of strength and getting better. I think therapists aren't perfect and they bring their own issues into every session even if they aren't aware of it.
My therapist of many years was very close to me. She had been there through a lot with me. She legit was like a best friend. She moved away and we both cried. Best one I have ever had.
Going by this video my therapist and I might be too close.. She does think about her patients in her free time, including me, and she is extremely involved. She has almost cried at something I've said and I know enough about her to know that we have similar interests and views on the world. But honestly I think it's a very fine line and it's different for everyone.. My therapist seems to deal with her involvement well and I never feel responsible, like I have to censor something to protect her etc, which I think is important
Yeah, I liked when my therapist would tell me occasional stories from her own life. It made her feel more human and relatable, like she understood me more. A lot of my struggles are that I think I'm the only one in the world going through what I'm going through, and when I get to find out that "it's more common than you think" or something, it always helps a lot and then I'm not so hard on myself or feeling so alone.
JeSuis KC my therapist and I are like this. In the beginning when we first started talking about our attachments to one another it was awkward. But we are passed that and I feel like our relationship is healthy in therapy. She helps me work on my goals but deep down we both know what we mean to each other. Maybe our friendship will continue after therapy... who knows but right now, it's a beautiful thing which I hope never ends in or out of therapy.
I just can't get over how wonderful you are at speaking. So expressive, so natural, just seriously the best RU-vidr I've seen. I like a lot of RU-vidrs, but you were just absolutely BORN to do what you are doing. I know you will accomplish your big picture projects in the mental health sector. Have you taken improv classes or teaching classes? It's probably just from talking all day with patients and lots of videos, but I just can't get over it and wish I could communicate like this on camera the stuff that I know a lot about.
Happy Sparrow Ikr? She seems like she was born to be a therapist. I haven't seen another RU-vidr that has her energy. Also, the way she carries herself is fascinating and don't let me start with her confidence. Although I don't know her personally, I feel like she isn't a stranger and I don't know why (maybe because of her inviting and calming personality).
I thankfully have a wonderful relationship with my therapist. She is great at steering me towards my own solutions. I see her as a friend but that is necessary for me in order to feel comfortable enough to open up to her. I’ve never had a problem with separating the two, trusting them like a true friend but realizing that they are there in a professional capacity. I truly lucked out being referred to her. I wish you all that same result 😊
I have been a counselor for over 20 years and I like the way you said what you said. This is a subject that needs to be talked about so clinicians understand it is alright to care for their clients in a loving way. There are very clear lines that are not to be blurred and that is to keep the client safe at all times. Great job! I enjoy your videos.
this is actually something that makes going to therapy even more daunting. I WANT to be friends with my therapist. It seems insincere if you're not, especially with how honest you have to be in order to make it productive. I want them invested in me as a person. Not just in a ~professional~ sense. When people are literally making money from it, there should at least be a genuine friendship of some kind there too. Otherwise it feels cold and like you're not REALLY being heard, no matter how good of a listener they are. I guess that's part of what makes finding the right therapist so hard. It's a really hard line to walk, because ofc they ARE professionals and it's hard to actually do the work needed if you guys are too close. But I think it's impossible to be that honest with someone and not be friends with them in some way. If you're honest and you don't feel like friends, you're basically over-extending yourself emotionally imo. Honesty in any relationship has to go both ways, so without some sort of connection, all your honesty puts you in a very vulnerable position where they have too much power, which isn't conducive to feeling safe around them. Even if it's only a subconscious thing, humans are social creatures. There are certain things we just can't avoid, and honesty is a huge part of friendships.
Think of friendships as reciprocal....therapy is beautifully only about you. I’m a therapist and of course we care deeply for our clients, but enough to stay in the boundary. With the right one you will feel it!
You don't know how thankful i am, to read this words. Because i'm actually in this situation right now. And it feels weird to open up my heart and my feelings to someone that is NOT my friend! I know that i need help. But not all in Life has to end, or am i seeing it wrong? If we are attached to each other? Why is it so wrong to stay in contact or just "like" each other in a friendship way? I found it kind of sad.... Idk. And that is the fact, why it is so hard to open up.
One of the best things I ever did was to stop with my false pride and find someone I could talk honestly to. It has really paid off. Good luck finding a good therapist.
P. S. I started with one therapist, went twice, and realized it wasn’t a good fit. The next one was a great fit. I am quite sure about that, after dozens of sessions with her.
I was a bit nervous when I first started therapy about whether I or the therapist might become too attached. What has really helped me since is the fact that my therapist knows so much about my daily struggles and we so often work on situations where I don't feel great that is has become pretty unlikely for me to have feelings of friendship. Friendships would require a more casual, more positive vibe. The therapeutic relationship is very supportive & can have positive vibes too, but it becomes quite clear after a while that you are working together for the purpose of problem solving. You don't meet to over tea and cookies. So it becomes more like mentorship. It also helps that, while my therapist is very nice, we don't necessarily have similar hobbies or attitudes towards everything. So there is a general sense of not wanting to be best friends, which is helpful.
Yes. My gran, who was a psychiatrist and therapist, became friends with a couple of her former patients, two ladies that turned into family friends, actually. To this day, I am still in touch with one of them (my gran passed away almost 20 years ago, already). I do not know if that was super healthy and ethical, but I could see even as a little child that their bond was quite honest and sincere, full of straightforwardness, and those ladies were quite sweet to all the people who belonged to my granny's life.. :)
I am in love with my therapist! I don’t think he knows, but he does usually see me longer than my appointment time and he does let a few couple of snippets of his personal life out. I know he doesn’t feel the same way - he’s just a nice person trying to help. I’ve accepted that it’s one-sided.
I am working through significant attachment issues myself and observing the boundaries of therapy is difficult in this process. My therapist has thankfully been willing to put in a lot of extra effort, and with this does come some shifting of boundaries. I still believe she is able to manage her own feelings and maintain a clinical relationship, despite me strongly pushing for more of a friendship, I suppose. It must be tough work for therapists, but I'm glad so many skilled and naturally empathetic people are willing to help :). Thanks for the video Kati!
Luckily the transferance Im feeling-if its that- isnt for my therapist... its a different health care person though. Just not pcp or mental health..Working through it so maybe I can be healthy with someone like that someay.
I used to be in therapy for years when I was a child and while my parents weren't there for me, my therapist en Dutch teacher were. I always kept in contact with my therapist, mostly about big things like traveling, moving, starting university or publishing a book, but it is very nice how he's still there for me and I can call him when there's a big problem, just for some advice on what to do. And my teacher even became my second mom! Lived there for a while. Went to a different class with different teacher though, just to keep it fair. I think those people are great, especially when you have no one else. Don't think people who call it 'unprofessional' really understand what it's like to be on your own and have to take care of yourself when you're not capable of doing so. Though I have to admit that I had already stopped with therapy, the contact was after that
It's a very one sided relationship...so I have found it makes things very tough if you allow that into a relationship. I personally had to leave a therapist because I felt like we were too close and reliable on each other. But my current one I think it's a fine line we walk because as a severe childhood abuse victim, trust and safety is hard for me so there has to be a relationship there to get to where I can share and feel safe. So it's hard to not attach to that and vis versa. Great topic...👍
my answer is 100% yes. i still speak to my previous psychologist and we are always emailing each other to see how we both are. she is literally like a friend and she saved my life on multiple occasions. she did have to see a psychologist herself when she was upset about telling me she was leaving.. but she has never once over stepped the boundaries and neither have i.
Honesty, if there had not been deep caring, I'd of been dead long ago. And certainly never been able to respond to therapy, or heal. I was abused to the extreme and injured too deep to let anyone in who didn't reeally give a shit. I was one deep and complicated mess (DID, PTSD). I'm not "fixed", but, many years later, I'm finally functioning and enjoying life! I'm at least mostly "out the other end" of the absolute horror and mind blowing pain that I had to go through for healing. I (and esp other parts), needed someone willing to "go there" WITH them, so to speak. Ok, I'm going to say it, to love them/us. Straight up. The relationship itself was a huge part of the healing! It's embarrassing to admit. But imagine a child being rescued from torture and rape and sat in a room with an unvested person and their notepad. No way she's talking.etc. Okay, I know, so dramatic. Ugh. But it was!
I once visited a therapist when i was at my lowestt, told her everything and she gave me advice, and i could see she was fighting with her tears trying to stay professional, i really really appreciate every and each therapist this job is hard on another level ❤
Hey Kati, I was wondering if religion interferes with client and therapist relationships. I had a therapist that I knew was religious and I always kinda felt bad about talking about my atheism and my hate for religion. How do therapists relate to their clients when their beliefs are different? (Whether that be either way)
great topic!!! i was actually misdiagnosed many years ago because I am atheist and the highly religious therapist I saw determined that made me bipolar...it was a bad situation and I too young to realize at the time...I'm older now but still feel uncomfortable if I'm seeing someone knew and their office is full of Bible posters...etc.
I have been wondering this exact same thing! I would love to hear Kati's insight on this topic. I'm an atheist too and was seeking therapy for grief over the death of a loved one, and I really wanted an atheist therapist but didn't feel I could/should request one. I know a therapist wouldn't give me religious counsel, but I would just personally feel more comfortable opening up if the therapist weren't religious.
I have the same question, except I am religious and I don't know if my therapist is or not. I often refrain from talk about myself religiously, and was wondering how therapists typically deal with helping and understanding clients who are different from them religiously.
I'm a professional and a client. I try very hard to keep my professional boundaries and not get attached. I've only been attached to one client before, and that was because I knew the person prior to going into a therapy setting. My therapist has had some transference going on (I think) and she has some minor boundary issues; I won't say what, but I can say that things got uncomfortable even though they were just some small boundaries she went over. And since I'm a professional myself, I will try to help her out, (which I really, really shouldn't do, but helping is in my nature, darnit!)
I had transference with a counselor. I felt she was like a mother to me. But we spoke about it and the situation was never problematic. She’s dead now but made an amazing impact on my life
My therapist became attached to me. My mother had recently died and she felt this maternal bond to me. I couldn't trust anyone but i felt off about her the first day my father told me to keep going he thought i wanted out of therapy so i kept going and one day i just opened up to her and she manipulated me n while she was teaching me about manipulation and boundaries she didn't know of any herself and so this went on for two years she called me her daughter sometimes but near the end of it she became really pushy and persistent and i felt like i had to bite my tongue so she could tell me about her problems i ended up telling her i needed to process and that she was my therapist not my friend and i had to take her to court and the school i was going to the sheriff interviewed her and they told me she was balling on the ground because she was never going to see me again.... It was unreal but now she stopped bothering me and im trying to work up the strength to see a new therapist
im going to be honest and ask why do u care if she cried. u are sounding a tad off. maybe its your first time seeing a therapist but u sounded attached. ive worked with kids. we dont get attracted to clients its unethical. sorry if had a bad experience but there should never be drama just great boundaries.
if i went to therapy i would want to have a special bond with my therapist,look at her as a friend bc i struggle with trust issues and cant just open up to a random stranger. i would hate if it felt like a "professional" or "doing it for the money" kind of atmosphere. but then again i would love having you as a therapist because you're just so sweet and kind! keep up the good work xoxo
Dealing with transference in therapy settings can easily cause some REAL social landmines… if you’re not careful. Some good points were raised in this “session!” 👍👍👍👍
Yes my therapist and me are very close, she is my therapist since I was 15 and I'm now 25 she the best. Because of her I'm such a better person. We go out for sessions, my opinion I don't think it bad that therapist get attached.
This is something that I struggle with and worry about a lot. I've been seeing my therapist for almost 4 years and we have made so much progress together that I would be devastated if she had to refer me out to see someone else. Nothing has shown though that there is any unhealthy attachment on either of our parts, everything is just a normal therapist/client relationship(I even saw her at the grocery store one day but didn't go say hi because I knew it wouldn't be appropriate.) But I suffer with a lot of obsessive thoughts and paranoia and this is one of the things that sometimes rolls around in my brain tormenting me (I also sometimes have nightmares where she gets "tired" of me and my problems and decides to stop seeing me.) I know that's just my brain being wacky and that there is no basis for it in reality, but you know how that damn anxiety works. It makes no sense sometimes.
Second the above comment, it's ok to talk about those feelings with your therapist, in fact it's important you do. And just so you know, it isn't neccessarily innappropriate to approach your therapist if you see them in public - they will be guided by you so if you speak to them they'll talk to you, if you want to stay anonymous then they'll respect that too.
all these replies are completely right. It is actually very common for people to start feeling attachments to their therapist, and can be seen in a myriad of ways (jealousy when they're not there, anxieties if they might refer you etc) and going onto quite a lot of websites for private therapists they actually have a section for this and openly encourage you to talk about them to your therapist, as it can help you understand your anxieties and relationships with people better.
Naomi Hurst these comments are right on point. You may talk to your therapist about these feelings directly. In fact it is encouraged that clients talk to their therapist about their feelings towards their therapist. A therapist and client being able to talk about such things is a sign of a very strong, healthy and appropriate relationship. Also I hope you know you're not alone in your feelings towards your therapist, this is very common. I personally feel attached to my therapists sometimes.
I saw a therapist for 5 years and in the end I think I was preparing myself for the day we would end our sessions. We argued all the time and in the end I got up and walked out and never went back. I tried to quit seeing her once and she told me if I left her it would be the worst mistake I ever made. Maybe you are at that point now? I know after a few years I realized this wasn't going to last forever. Everyone has to deal with that if they see a therapist for a long time.
I think what helps even more than the therapy itself is to love your patient unconditionally. It’s not the chicken soup that heals the cold but the love the mother put into it cooking it for her child. Love heals. And loving the world and it’s people is of much much better help than protesting injustices. Love is the only way to healing. Therapy works if there is love, otherwise it won’t have optimal results. Love is infinite and it’s power is as powerful as subtle. In fact, it’s better not to say to someone that you love them, just love them no matter what, in silence.
This was such an interesting video. How do you explain that to the client? Do you explain that you're too invested in them, or say something more roundabout like, "I don't feel like I'm a good match as your therapist, and don't feel like I'm able to deal with your situation in a way that I think is most beneficial for you?"
The profession as a whole needs to take this a lot more seriously. It can be devastating to a client who has attached to a therapist to be referred out. I think there are a lot of therapists who don’t get it and cause a lot of harm.
Thank you Kari, this helped me a lot. I have felt this way with my psychiatrist and I’m glad that you helped me realize that just because he pushed me away doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. I know we had a connection from the start and it’s been hard to move on. But I know that it’s okay to let go. It’s only healthy fro me and time to move on and possibly find other therapy. Thanks Kari
Girrrlll i hope you realise they get paid by us You can meet other people like you but its damn near impossible unless you use mental health dating sites which is not in every country and only one i know of NoLongerLonely which is basically around the world people which sucks ☹️
Awesome video :) I actually had this happen to me when I was 15 and dealing with my abusive mom (who's also a social worker) and instead of working with me on boundaries - because I have CPTSD and it was really getting in the way. Instead of doing that, she kind of took the role of my 'mom' and comforted me instead of working on different things I was struggling with. I remember talking to her about feeling horrible about my weight and she in turn shared with me that she had the same exact thing when she went on the scale. This is just one example of what the entire relationship was like - and she would be on the phone with me close to midnight trying to talk me out of being suicidal when she really should have sent me to the hospital. My parents removed me from therapy after six months and I was furious - and now I see that it was the best decision because I spent a long time in therapy - with a healthy therapist - dealing with this unhealthy therapeutic relationship.
+Kati Morton yeah I've been working with her for almost three years and she's pretty awesome. I've seen about 10 different therapists and 4 different psychiatrists before my current team and this one is the only one that actually helped me instead of screwing me up further - and I feel safe with this therapist which really enabled me to make huge jumps in my recovery - like I don't get flashbacks or nightmares anymore and I don't cut that often, which is crazy thinking about since I've been cutting consistently since I was 16.
I've seen around 6 therapists and finally found one that is helping me work through my issues :) I also struggle with Nightmares, flashbacks, and self injury! O__O nightmares - from age 14 Self injury - from age 14 Flashbacks - from age 11/12ish So far nothing has been able to help with my nightmares and it's driving me insane >
Hi Katie. I have been enjoying your videos. I am a retired LMFT and worked in the profession for close to 40 years. I think it is important to define the term “attachment”. There were clients over the years that I enjoyed working with more than others. These tended to be clients who were/became highly committed to treatment and worked hard to bring about change in their lives. Over the years I participated in the training of many interns, associates and trainees. I completely agree that feelings the therapist developed regarding the client influenced treatment. The most typical influence tended to be continuing treat way beyond what should have been. Just my observation. Thanks again for an enjoyable set of videos.
While Transference can indeed cause a lot of damage, good things can also come out of transference and countertransference in therapy, as long as it is openly discussed and integrated by both persons. Transference-focused therapy can be used to treat borderline personality disorders, for example. The therapist-client relationship is also an "organic" window into the client's attachment habits. It can be a great healing opportunity for the client if the therapist has had adequate training and handles the situation respectfully/ethically/professionally.
You are such a great person making these videos, I have been recently struggling with addictions, anxiety, depression and loneliness , I just started counseling and will have my first appointment with a psychiatrist this coming week, watching and learning from your videos calms my soul, muchas gracias
Transference is bad? I read it was a natural part of therapy and all that really mattered was that it wasn't romantic. I don't understand how you can talk to someone or be talked to by someone for an hour every week and not have any transference at all, I think that's lying to yourself.
Its not that ts bad, its not good for you if your therapist has feeling for you and if you do for them it can and will affect how you approach your own therapy and thats not ok. Therapy are not dates. Its for you to heal. I love that my therapist is on my side but will also ask me hard Qs or ask me why I feel/think about things. Im not used to that so I can see how sme could confuse it, but yes, transferance can ruin a good therapeutic relationshi[.
Sometimes when a client is sharing very painful /emotional experiences the therapist can feel this pain & emotion too and are so affected by this that the reaction is for their eyes to close and... fall asleep...x
My therapist and I had become more like a friendship because I had been seeing her off and on for 7 years. I didn't feel weird about it at all and I was still feeling like it was a great therapy experience anyway.
Awesome stuff you have on your channel. I remember when I first went to therapy. I really had no idea of what it was or anything about it all I knew was I wanted any kind of help b/c I was desperate. Sometime in my life which lasted about a year or so I hit a extremely stressful part in my life. I saw a therapist and learned how to cope well. One thing the therapist noticed in me was I was extremely empathetic w/ everyone. Something she had told me that many lack (empathy). From a therapist perspective on empathy I definitely believed that. I often wondered what it was like for my therapist to listen to everyones problems. Your channel has answered some of those questions. I haven't set foot in therapy anymore as things got much better for me. Something the therapist and I both knew. It seemed appropriate to end therapy. Since looking back on it I can now see I was in a dark place in which the help I received from therapy got me out of it. I would never want to be a therapist but I am a huge fan of it. Every now and then I will research about it. Thanks for the insight.
It's the other way for me, I've become very attracted to my therapist and find myself thinking about her throughout the week and planning what I'm gonna wear every session
In that circumstance, is it generally deemed appropriate for the therapist to explain to the client their reasons for referral? If so, how did you explain it to your client?
I've been waiting for a video on this topic!! Thank you!!! My therapist & I both struggle with attachment to eachother. We've talked about it and she seems to be doing better detaching than I am. It's almost a little heartbreaking seeing our relationship change a little over it, but it's probably for the better. Although with this small detachment I feel like I've somehow been pushed away a bit and feel less open to discussing things-and without that "friendship" I just can't talk about anything. I didn't open up until that was there, even though I trust her with every part of my being.. Since the detachment, I haven't been making much progress and have become suicidal again. She didn't hug me goodbye the other day, and it broke my heart. It did help break a little of the attachment though. But I'm just really upset about it.
I would definitely speak up about this. There are ways that you can show each other care and concern without making it too "friend like." So maybe you could try out other ways to help you feel more secure, while still keeping the relationship therapeutic :) xoxo It can take some practice.. just let her know how you feel and what you like and don't like. xox
+Kati Morton What other ways could we show eachother care. I'd like to bring it up to her tomorrow but have some ideas in mind when I go. Could you help me with some ideas/advice please:) what do you do with clients in this situation?
+SpeedStacking Milly It shows in my notifications that you replied to my comment. I think you might have deleted it because I can't see it, I would just really like any input I can get!
Thank you so much for this video. I've been turned away from so many therapists in the past and this helped me understand the possible situations that were going on.
I have definitely had some therapists get too attached. I had a therapist tell me she wished she could take me home once. It gave me instant tunnel vision 😆. I did definitely notice transference in that case. She told me some really personal things about her life that shook me a little.
I feel very attatched to my therapist. Like i’ve been attatched to other people i have viewed as safe and stable. She asked me if she was a person like that for me, but i told her no. Too ashamed of my attatchment and the knowing it’s one sided. She is the second most important person in my life right now with my son being the first. But just saying that makes me feel so emberasst. Because i’m afraid i would make her uncomfertable having someone like me feeling safe with her. Because i just feel like im disgusting and a failure, and i know it’s a one sides feeling and it just throws me right back to my childhood and my mom. Whenever i wanted to hug her, she pushed me away telling me to stay away. So much shame for showing people they mean something to me, so i rather act cold and like i dont care.
wow..what a great segment! i found myself holding on to every word you said as this is the #1 thing I am dealing with right now in therapy. I have terrible attachment issues and am currently struggling with the fact that my therapist is going on vacation for a month! not to mention that I literally have no current support right now besides her. She has been my rock and has helped me through some pretty terrifying events, including saving my life...literally. So..thank you Kati for sharing this!!
This happened between me and my therapist, and it really hurt our progress. Because our relationship became super friendly, it was harder for her to push me and say the hard things I needed her to hear. I actually haven't found a new therapist yet, because I love my old one so much, she helped me through a ton! But I know that I need to start looking for a new one someday soon.
Amazing video! I definitely believe that becoming too attached to a client can be hazardous to the client and ourselves, because it's almost as if they are now on their way to becoming a good or close friend, which is obviously not a boundary you'd want to cross with a client.
So this is why I find it hard to find a therapist I can relate to. I need that friendly type vibe but that never happens. Would be even better if the therapist's I have seen didn't seem so business like. I don't know I may think too much into it but I would open up a lot more to a more casual down to earth person.
When I was little I was molested by my teacher so I was put in therapy. My therapist at the time fell in love with my dad (or fell in lust, I don’t talk to him anymore so I don’t know if they’re still together) every week my dad would take me to therapy and over half of the time they would “talk” for the hour alone and I’d play with the therapy toys in the other room. Then I caught them kissing and that’s what lead to my parents divorce
My therapist's daughter and my son, after I'd been in therapy with him for awhile met/became friends thru their HS matching band, which requires major parent involvement (camps, fundraising, competitions etc)so we realized this was potentially a problem. We discussed it, and although the 1st couple of times working together as parents was really awkward, I'm still seeing him 4yrs later, and it's all good. I imagine he had to struggle as a therapist with this for a bit (he never acted like it was an issue tho). Maybe since I'd come to trust him before this made it easier, but we've always been very open about times when it might be/had been a problem and always worked thru it.
I've had a female therapist visibly seem frustrated with me and the progress in my therapy. But i think it because she really wanted to help me and nothing was working.
I’m wondering if therapists feel any type of bond for their clients even while maintaining professionalism. Platonic of course. I felt a very strong bond with my therapist of 8 years. She passed away a year ago, and I am still not over it. It took me 10 months to see someone new just to talk about the loss of her. I felt better getting it off my chest for a while, but I’ve started to feel lost again. Will I ever find that perfect bond again to share my entire life with? Did she really care about me? So many questions..
i always feel so bad for not asking more about my therapists life and what she’s up to, but i really value the one hour i get per week and even losing a few minutes usually isn’t optional. do therapists feel lonely having to take on all of other people’s baggage but then never getting asked about their life? or is that not expected in therapy? #katifaq
I wish we weren't called clients :/ it makes me feel like the therapist is only in it for the money or something. Like they're selling something. I'd like to think it's more than just a way to get income. I wish we were called patients or something rather than clients
It's interesting cos some people don't like patient. But to me patient is fine - it makes it equal to other health problems. Personally I'm ok with client or patient. I don't like service user though. Kinda makes it sound to me like you're putting on the service, like a liability, that you're choosing rather than needing to go.
My therapist is definitely not attached to me. We get along well and I think we have had certain similar experiences. She says that she cares about me, that she can't not care having seen me for so long. Our sessions sometimes run over but she is self employed so it's at her own discretion. She still has a code of ethics though and has said in the past that she can't see me when she hasn't felt that she is helping me. I have managed to get back on track. As much as I would like her to be my friend, I know that it is a clinical relationship. I find it easier to think that she doesn't care because I can offload without feeling guilty. She is also not emotionally attached but still empathetic. I email her my CBT journal once a week and she will reply if she has any comments. Your videos about the therapeutic relationship have been the most helpful to me since I discovered you Kati. I am now more open because I am clearer about how my therapist approaches the session. I am getting so much more out of it. Sorry to go on! Thank you Kati x
I'm studying to be a social worker and I think it's interesting that you bring this up. Because I find myself doing this to my friends all of the time I have this bad habit of taking on their problems and internalize. I'm guess this video could apply to this as well. Btw I love your videos
I watch this video after having my last session with my therapist. I'm sad bcs he really helps me in my hard time, but i don't know whether i could live independently without him. This is hard, but i know i'd live and grow by myself..but if i have a chance, i want to built other connection and could be a good friend with him.
Katie, ❤️ is it ok to ask my therapist if things I bring into session are triggering in any way , to avoid the surprise of being referred out? Is it ok to ask my therapist how she is feeling or ask her what she’s thinking about? I am a very deep thinker and also an empath, and my therapist is also empathetic. How can I protect her but also get what I need out of therapy? - thank you
I had a therapist for 17 years it was relaxing knowing she was nice, I thought i might have being disturbing her by talking about my lack of relationship problems, I think she felt a change might help with a new therapist , which I agree change things abit to get a second opinion. Anyway I had my appointment with a new therapist I didnt enjoy it. I was almost away from therapy sessions then I relapsed and now I just wish I could have been freed from them instead of being back at the start. I have found a few of your vlogs relaxing and a different insight
Think I should change therapist because I’m starting to think of the one I have atm outside our sessions. Never imagined getting emotionally attached to him. At first it was hard but I’ve grown to enjoy his company. Been going there for 4 months. He treats me well, makes me feel safe, seen , important. He treats me better than I have treated myself in a while. The last session we sat in a moment in silence, and I looked at him, our eyes locked and it was so good. I was confused, what is this? I do not get attached to people like this. I dont want anything from him. Maybe just a hug lol. I just want to thank him for being so patient and good to me. He looks at me, he smiles to me, he laughs with me, he compliments me. I have a special connection with him now. And I want it to stay that way. I don’t want to leave, but I have to. Thank him and leave.
I can't wait for coffee and a chat! loving your hair Kati!! I think I'm attached to my social worker but I set boundaries on it. like emailing her once every two weeks, I see her regularly every 7 weeks. so we email 2-3 times between sessions. it's hard to fight against the boundaries but I manage. thank you for the video today!
Awe thanks! I got it cut last Friday! xox That's great!! I can imagine waiting for 7 weeks would be too long.. so I am glad you have your email system in place :) xoxo Thank you for sharing your experience with this!! xoxo
+Kati Morton I think I saw it on Snapchat with the hat? yeah Kaiser extends the appointments like that... you know lol. I really wish they would fix it or at least make it more manageable.
I thought it was fine to get attached to an extent to your social worker (I'm thinking about foster care social worker) as long as it's remembered that you both still have a list of stuff to sort out for you? like interactions ALWAYS start with plans and targets and then you guys can talk about your boyfriends after if you want to lool it prob depends on person though.
BelizeHunni She's a social worker but not foster care. I actually think she's an intern, I'm not sure. She has rules that weren't really explained to me but it's common sense, like not to constantly email her. I think in a way it's okay because I'm gonna be a long term patient for her. The stupid every 7 weeks I get to meet with her rule kind of makes it hard to see her. I agree that each interaction we have a plan to talk about something in particular. For example a few months ago I emailed her saying I have a letter for her and she didn't forget.
Lexie Grey yeah what you're doing sounds good anyways. With my social worker tbh I don't bother to contact her unless there is something to do or for updates on things and vice versa but she might stay out a bit longer than she has and has a meal with me for example, works for us! Just as long as one remembers the reason why you are joined together for.
Hmm as someone who had therapy since I was nine it was only until my therapist started to transference with me where I started doing better. When one of my therapists wouldn't even tell me if she spoke Polish or not (she slipped out that she was from Poland) I got very angry and purposely became distant to her. I had enough distance from other people and the last thing I wanted was my own therapist doing that to me. It made me more irritable and angry during sessions and I would never tell the therapist why I was angry. Result? Never got better. Then I get a new therapist since my old one left the company. She actually connects to me. Doing this makes me more comfortable talking about things I never dared bring up to my past therapists.
I'm pretty close to my therapist. He have me his cellphone number and said I will always have access to him.the only time I reach out to him was when I went threw a break up and it was so helpful.
love love love your videos Kati! Good to know therapist actually care :) I've been seeing my therapist for a couple months and our like agreed number of session is coming to an end (I cant afford to go privately).. just wondering if you have any tips for dealing with therapy winding down when you're not ready and theres nothing you can do about it... I'm always refered onto somewhere else and its like starting from square one all over again and by the time I feel comfortable with the therpist it's almost finished AGAIN... I go to therapy because I was abused as a child (still abused now) I've an anxiety disorder, self harm and have attempted suicide in the past so I still think about it lot... Thanks Kati love you and all you do!! ❤❤
Missy Houdi i’m struggling with therapy ending soon too, and i know i won’t be able to find a therapist like mine ever again, she really understands me, i wish i could afford regular therapy as i was seeing someone from a free clinic. i hope you managed to find an alternative or healthy coping mechanisms
I really like the FAQ videos and these kind of videos are interesting, its great to be able to hear about therapy from the therapists point of view. Your new haircut is lovely as well, it suits you.
Interesting, thanks. But I don't know if I agree when you state that transference or even counter transference is "bad." Its pretty common, just needs working through etc . . .
It makes it easier to share personal privacy with someone who cares and not see me as a food delivery guy. I fully support having a friendship while being professional, because that’s when she can get to know me, going for a honeymoon would make it even better because the psychoanalysis we could together will have no boundaries, lmao
It would be cool if most therapist had a RU-vid channel like this, I would actually talk to them if they did because of how much I'll know them and stuff.
Yes me and my therapist have a lot in common and that tends to get in the way of the session and I can feel the attraction I can't go into detail... but I'm trying to look at this in a positive manner when we can both help each other because therapist have issues too
you make a good point, therapists worry about that just as much as clients. we want to keep healthy boundaries as Kati said, but we also don't want clients feeling like we don't care. keeping a balance is tough, but remember, we have awesome clients too and we wanna do what's best for you
My therapist is on sick and so another therapist is taking over for a few weeks and I enjoy a casual easy going chat with my therapist because for me, some are too professional and I don't feel like I can open up to them but the man I see at the moment gives me strange vibes because he is unlike other therapists I have seen, he's pulled his shirt up to show me a back tattoo of his kids names because they happen to be the same names as me and my sibling, he talks very fondly of me and praises me with compliments about how intelligent I am etc, he has spoken about other clients with me and has shown me their chains on the whiteboard which I believe is against regulations as they are sworn to confidentiality unless there is a legal obligation and he also talks about himself and his issues a lot. At first I thought this was so that I could relate but he often talks about his past and how it affects him and how he has suicidal thoughts from time to time but tells me it passes and that he would never do it because he has a life, family and friends. I often feel like I'm counselling him, any advice?
Find another therapist. I had a therapist talk about her dad who was sick and dying. The second she did this I knew therapy was over because I felt like I had to focus on her problems and I had to watch what I wanted to talk about about for fear of upsetting her.
I did not know about the three mandatory references. I am in the US. When my therapist decided for us to stop meeting because we were not making progress and things were only getting worse, he didn't provide any referrals. He knew I had a spiritual director and I told him I was looking into working with someone more local to where I live, but he didn't offer any references. I then worked with someone more local for four meetings, but then she changed jobs. Someone else with the same group contacted me to schedule an appointment, but I turned it down because I had become unemployed by then and could no longer afford to meet with anyone. But, they didn't at any point give any references either (not that I could afford it anyway).
