Do we want kids (and cuckoo birds)? 

For me, I always knew I would be a mother because I thought I was an expert on parenting from the early age of 4. I think it was mostly about getting an opportunity to right the wrongs of my childhood. So fast forward 35 years later...I had a bio and then I adopted another child 6 months after my bio was born. I now realize that I know nothing. I was too cocky and overly confident in my child rearing abilities. These kids have tested my patience, sanity and religion at only 1 and 4 years old. I was also way too judgmental of my single parent mother, who’s sacrifices I took for granted. Oh, and I am married to an amazing husband and father to our children, but even with his help, it’s still an overwhelming amount of responsibility. Not to mention that postpartum depression is real, along with postpartum bodies, birthing traumas, pregnancy complications, and everything that you all touched on. New babies also test the strength of your marriage like you wouldn’t believe and can not prepare for. But yes, you do fall in love with the kiddos after they start smiling back at you. Is it all worth it? Only time will tell 🙃 So my advice to you both, is there is no need to allow outside pressure to influence the personal choices you make as a family. If you’re worried about Father Time, then freeze your eggs or become a foster parent in the future. Never feel as if you don’t have options, or can’t carve out your own path of family (even if it’s a pet family). P.S...Looooved this honest discussion btw. Thanks for not sugarcoating your thoughts on a very personal subject!

The disability point is one people don't discuss enough. I do want kids in the next few years but the prospect is still daunting. I have an older sister who was able bodied her whole life but has now deteriorated because of mental health problems. So my parents care for her now but they won't be around forever. As her sibling, it will naturally fall to me and my other siblings to figure out her care when my parents are no longer around. The whole situation is probably not what my parents had in mind when they started having kids. Life really happens. A healthy child doesn't mean a healthy adult.

It's crazy to me that people are so casual about having children. An entire human is being brought into the world and is completely dependent upon you to help it grow into a healthy, happy, mentally-stable and productive member of society. That's nothing to take lightly. It's refreshing that you guys think about all many angles and ways having a child will change your life. Most people don't. They just say it will work itself out. I still don't understand why people would potentially inflict all sorts of unnecessary suffering on themselves (and worse yet, the child who didn't ask to be here) because they chose not to plan or think things through before the pregnancy occurred. Once the child is here, you can't snap your fingers and make them disappear. As they grow up and become an adult, they definitely know whether or not their parents wanted them, whether or not they had a good childhood, whether or not their parents prepared them for adulthood. I see some comments where people are saying y'all are overthinking it. I don't agree with that, other people are underthinking it.

Married woman of 14 years with no kids checking in here (we dont even have a pet yet lol)....As you can imagine, my husband and I have gotten every conceivable comment, snide remark, or insult about not having kids. Our families have (mostly) given up on us, but we still get the underhanded remark or expectation (I never tell them im sick or dont feel good...their first hope is always that Im pregnant). A HUGE consideration of whether or not kids would come is...we have NO network. Both of our families are NOT tight knit, neither one of us grew up around babies or little kids and so should we bring a child into this world, we would most likely have NO help. THAT is what scares ME most (and of course this country's crappy maternal mortality rate) and what scares my hubby most is the state of the world in general and feeling like he wouldn't be able to protect his family. Very good discussion, you dont get to see many married couples without kids talk about this subject without a parent infringing on them in some way.

To answer, why children? My children are a tangeble, touchable manifestation of my husband's and my love. We came together and made lives that are a part of us both, like an extension of that love. Through child rearing I get to give, share, grow from the challenges and benefit from the rewards. Typing it out sounds corny. There was no necessity to have children or a spouse for that matter, just a desire for what they brought to my existence. Mr Hallease used a term once that I relate to "who has more skin in the game" when you have a child it can make you more invested because you chose to bring them into the world.

35 yo woman backs out of the room.

17:36 “yeah just get another dog.... volunteer....” i 1000% agree. i’m truly baffled at how casually people talk about bringing life into this world

Okay so I'm only 22 & have no partner but Hallease in this podcast is me. I've looked too much into childbirth/pregnancy and it all looks terrible to me. I'd much rather adopt than and see more value in adopting than having children biologically

Also as a sibling of a person with special needs, i would say it has enriched my life and my capacity to accept with love and understanding people and their pitfalls. I am constantly thinking of ways and efforts to help translate what i am saying to him in a way that he'll comprehend and "feel" our intentions toward what we do. I am not intentionally praying to have a special needs child, but i don't fear it and am not aversed to its hardship. Marriage is hard, relationships are hard, change can be hard to grasp, but its the emphasis put on the vision that can override the tough journey. I want to see him flourish and gain a sense of independence, i want him to be his most authentic self, that's the goal, anything on that journey is prepping for what else is coming down the line in other areas.

My husband heard y'all in the background as I was watching this video. Him: Is that us? Me: Yes babe. It's us. LMAO! We had this exact conversation 2 days ago and it happens at least once a year. *Hopefully* I'll be entering into a doctorate program and will finish in 4 years. I'll be in my late 30s when I've completed the degree. I've literally been going back and forth in my mind...do I have kids and not go back to school or do I try to have a kid shortly after I'm done with school? Do I have them at all? How do you make the decision especially when you know-know what all can go wrong? I'm just gone keep being a mentor and an auntie. LMAO!

I understand that asking someone when they’re having kids is mad rude, and I never do. When I think that thought. What always precedes it is how wonderful those people are. I never think that thought about jerks. Like “wow those people are awful. When are they going to procreate?” That never happens. So on the positive side. It is an extremely awkward compliment.

You guys are hilarious! I loved this episode. I also agreeded with everything you both said. And to Mr. Hallease's last point, you ever think how creepy it is we give girls baby dolls. It's like we're imprinting on them to want babies.

as usual, i have hella thoughts, but as someone who speaks a lot about the fact that most people's parenting is....hella garbage, resulting in kids + adults who need hella therapy, there's one thing i'm sure of: this conversation is a clear indication that y'all would be great parents + far, far, faaarr better than the avg or most. i got a list of reasons if you want em. 😂 also....that y'all even thought of the possibility of having a Disabled child is....shocking + uncommon + telling. + i'm grateful since all i ever hear is, "IDC....as long as it's HEALTHY." 🙄 also, also........i'm struggling w| fear of having a Disabled child being a reason to not have kids. even tho me having a genetic disability is ONE of MANY reasons i don't want to procreate + pass the trait on. 🙃 as always thanks for the conversation + making me think! 😬🤓😎

I agree with some of your points. There are people who just have kids bc anatomically they can but most people don't understand the psychological process of wanting and not wanting kids. I personally want to be able to give my child the world in the most non-materialistic way possible. I want my child to never feel the fear, anger, and anxiety I feel as a child adn still do sometimes just being black or a woman. Or unfortunately both from the eyes of society I'm not deserving and knowing how painful things can get I feel like having children is in a weird way selfish.

25:15 I LOOOOVE that he recognizes the autonomy you have over your body and your health, hallease! it’s always always always your decision, esp bc you have to deal with the aftermath, the healing, the change that your body will likely undergo

"Iz alot." A phrase so small, that encapsulates EVERYTHING lol. Thank you! I don't understand how folks can be so cavalier about human life. You as a parent are single-handedly responsible for how this kid turns out. Are you raising another Oprah or a hell raising demon? That's entirely up to you and folks dont take it seriously. And as another human on this earth, I harshly judge people who have kids they were not ready to have and continue to have more. Makes my heart hurt to see kids so defenseless and lacking proper guidance.

We can intellectualize many things and end up with an extremely negative view of certain human experiences. But, then there are matters of the heart that are unexplainable and fulfill you like no other, no matter all the negative intellectual opinions. That being said, live your best life. But, as a society we do need to learn to empathize with children more. After all, we all are tantrum throwing, selfish grown humans.

Matt sleeps on the floor of our 5 year olds room because he’s scared. It’s annoying. 😑😂😂 Hallease, I’ve been in yo DMs and have definitely hinted at my true feelings about kids and parenting. LOL! I love my kids more than anything, but I’m not blinded by that love. 🤷🏾‍♀️😂 Kids are a LOT OF WORK. Physically, emotionally. It’s a job that, in my opinion, too many people take lightly. Kids aren’t keys to opening the door into adulthood. (Btw, I didn’t want kids until I fell in love with Matt. I fully believe I wouldn’t have kids if I never met him, but that’s a whole other story. Lol!) I actually appreciate that y’all have put so much thought into the possibility of parenthood because it shows you see babies/kids as actual human beings. But yeah, people are so strange when it comes to couples and kids. Like, why y’all gotta be in uteruses that aren’t yours?! Personally, I see nothing to drag y’all for. If anyone needs to be dragged it’s the folks who are constantly asking if/when y’all will have kids when they aren’t paying your bills.

As a husband and father of 3, I say more power to you and Chris if you choose to not have kids in the future. I think as human beings we are naturally self centered by the fact that we only see life through our objective experience. However, with children your perspective is flipped and you are now put in the position of pouring everything you have into the life of another person. First true lesson in devotion. I listened to the cast and never heard either of you mention the idea of family. And for me, having a family of my own was something that I and my wife always imagined. To be clear, having a family and imagining a family are two drastically different realities, but I'd say the reality is much better than the dream, and that's something you can never truly understand, until you actually are there in the moment with your new family. Witnessing what others experience and hearing stories, is good in the sense that it provides you with data to weigh against each other, but the true understanding can only come through the experience of it. Having a dog, is like having a slave, and therefore can never truly be considered a family imo. (No disrespect to dog/animal lovers) So, having an animal is nowhere near the same thing as building a family even though they can make a great addition to a family via companionship and loyalty. The lessons on life that having a family provides, to me is the epitome of the human experience. We don't know ourselves, and can't fully know ourselves until we witness a part of us return through birth and reflect pieces of our physicality, pieces of our grandparents mannerisms, and pieces of our partners family tree, as well, peer back at us, connecting us to the larger fabric of humanity. Talib Kweli says, "we're the reflection of our ancestors..." Through us, they return and live on, and through our kids, we return and live on. To me, there's a magic and indescribable beauty to that. I think the question of when a person is having kids is whack, but I think the idea of questioning why a husband and wife or couple should consider having a family is strange as well, in the idea that its like you're trying to convince people to not have kids, because of all the terrible things that could or could not happen, or because of all the personal freedom that would be "lost". This comment I'm writing feels like I'm trying to convince you otherwise, which to me, reinforces why I feel like its important to remember that no matter what anybody says, the choice is ultimately the two of yours, and is truly one that needs no explanation if you do or don't decide to. If you do, I pray that the universe opens its additional dimensions of beauty and wonder to the two of you. Peace- Inglewood, Ca

it’s nice to know i’m not the only person who rationalises childbirth in this way.

Thank you so much for this, though i'm currently in my late teens and am watching this way after it was made I just wanted to say I heavily relate to this. Whenever I talk to my friends or peers they portray having kids like a definite and unavoidable life instance and I really feel completely removed from that entirely. Thank you for voicing my concerns so well I feel so much better!!

Adored this podcast...So honest and I feel like ya'll are in my brain lol Appreciate the balance of nuetrality, understanding and sarcasm ... and overall humanizing this perspective..This topic has been on my mind majorly, probably because I'm knockin on 30 this year. Keep up the honest convos!

You guys are very good at podcasting. I'm in love with y'all every episode. Thanks for sharing with us. Me personally, as a 22 year old single, loved this discussion. And as a person who literally dreams of adopting one day, I was glad to hear your thoughts on that

This was a refreshing and responsible conversation👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽...I think more couples need to have a real conversation like this about having kids. I didn’t realize until I was close to 30 that I really wanted kids like instinctively knew I wanted the responsibility of raising a human. And find it extremely annoying when people constantly ask my husband and I when we’re having kids. For us it just hasn’t happened for as we hoped so the constant asking is also hurtful.

Some girls scream just to scream. My youngest went through that phase. My oldest would throw herself on the floor as scream for along time. I'd record them and play it back and it stopped that. Having kids is awesome and a true learning experience. If you dont have kids its ok take your time and have them when you feel its right! People while always ask and assume. Ive had my oldest at the age of 23 and my youngest at 30. I never saw myself as a mother but I'm thankful for both of them. Even though we take care of them children take care of us as well. We all grow together.

I love how honest you all are! This type of validity is very important because we are in such a culture that promotes one way of "having children" and then kinda just "watches" and judges the other couples who don't have children... "yet", but nobody really talks about the true responsibility/readiness of having a child. As an educator, I've had this question asked so many times because I am a teacher of young children..and obviously I love love love children but the idea of my body being pregnant in this medical day and age.. literally terrifies me. Like I have that "what if I'm that percentage who gets pregnant, births the baby then dies" like thats a REAL truth you have to consider. I'm also the type that is 100% dedicated to all things guardianship/foster parenting and adopting. Anyways, I love these podcasts, the truths the everything the conversation keep them going!

i dont have kids and im 60 and i have never regretted not having kids..i agree with you about kids becomming your entire world and your own desires are put on the back burner,,and the disability issue is a real concern

You guys are so on point!!! Loved this! I’m single with no man in sight and even I feel the pressure! However even though I’m a Christian I don’t want kids!! I want to travel ✈️ Lol love your thoughts and enjoyed ur comments on the interracial fetish of mixed race kids thing, lol ppl are nuts, but do what’s best for you, whatever kids u have adopted or biological will be blessed to have you both! Toodles 🙂👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

I do see the prospect of having children when it comes to sickness. As a nurse sometimes it breaks my heart when a patient does not have family at the bedside. Sure spouses and friends are there but spouses die and not all friendships are at the level of being there 100%.... other than that idk man

I’ve always wanted children. Don’t know why but I wanted to have them later. Thus here I am mad deep into my 30’s pregnant. I was married abt 6 years before our first child was born and it allowed us to enjoy married life and become very stable. True, I don’t believe one can truly prepare for kids so I get that angle of advice but it’s not giving a full perspective.

Hallease!! You shared my sentiments soo well when it comes to adopting vs birthing biological children. I often have a hard time explaining to people that I rather adopt vice versa. Like babies are not my ministry. BUT I’m indifferent towards bringing a child... i feel like as long as I know that child is taken care off in all facets I’ve don’t my job

i am loving the podcast and the topics. Let us all celebrate the "Dakotas" of the world...our Furbabies are our children too! I feed her, i clean her, i house her for years...Why do we have to justify staying childless? Why am i being selfish if i don't want to procreate? What about all the love and attention you give to other kids? I am unbothered by anyone asking these questions. When you are single the world ask "why aren't you married". Then you get married and its something else. Shrug! Make boundaries and take no prisoners.....

I love your voice Hallease. I've watch several of your videos newest and older and this one. I'm curious to see if what I believe is SO OBVIOUS will manifest. Hallease>

Finally,I have been wondering,I was always super curious if you wanted kids but let me get back to my studies,I have finals soon,nursing school is a mess😩. And then I’ll get right back to this amazing video

I laughed so hard with this episode... I think I'll send everyone to this video whenever they asked me about children.

I love this video! Thank you so much for sharing.

One of my friends just had a baby a couple months ago said "Its amazing to see the baby grow everyday and learn and it's so rewarding but don't have kids" which totally makes sense because their entire life is now, like you both mentioned, revolving around the baby.

That serial killer part is scary crazy other people or Chris actually think of that too. I’ve used that example and people look at me crazy but I’m just being honest.

came over because of instagram... and beleaf in fatherhood... I am so excited to go through this.

Y'all's position on having children is pretty much EXACTLY my and my bae's position on having children. Hallease, you said the exact words that I say to my bae each time: "If you ever feel like it, just hollah at me, cause I'm good either way". So, glad that I'm not alone in this.

As a new parent, I completely agree with your analysis! The only reason we now have a kid is because I stopped caring enough to prevent it... and well, science works! I just got to a stagnant point in life where everything was easy and decided I wanted to shake things up.

Adoption is such a beautiful option if you have a desire to parent but do not want to physically bring children into this world for whatever reason. I used to work in foster care and there are so many children that need loving homes! I truly enjoyed listening to this conversation. I wish you the best of luck with your decision! Peace and Blessings.

So many great points! No one ever brings up the health implications of pregnancy and birth! Maternal mortality is a serious problem in the US especially for Black mothers!!!! Depending on the state we face rates that are two to three times higher than other racial groups. This is soooooo important right now and I appreciate both of your thoughts!!!!

Hey im a new subscriber. I love your videos and im grateful to have found a channel that shares a perspective that i can recognize with. Keep em coming😊 Can you do a "day in the life of you and your husband"? I love yall all the way from Trinidad and Tobago 🇹🇹

Honestly i’m pretty young and the way most of the people in my community have children is more about social navigation, and the conversation around having children is often riddled with manipulation and parasitic gain of one party so as far as I’m concerned, i’m zipped tight until i get away from here. I am a college graduate currently living in rural mississippi. So basically lots of “trapping” if that makes sense

I adopted my niece and nephew who are awesome but I still wonder why people willingly enter into parenting. I think you would be awesome because you are thinkers and actualizers but some people...

I think about child-bearing very similarly to the both of you and I am also considering adoption. In fact, I think a lot of people who are indifferent to having children choose to adopt which I find interesting. Having grown up with adopted people in my family, I know that adopted kids sometimes need as much love if not more because of their inherent differences to the rest of the family (especially other children you might have) as well as traumas they may have experienced in the system at very young ages. But again, any loving, nurturing home is always better than the system! Again, I loved hearing your perspectives. Just found this channel! Loving all the the videos and vidcasts!!

It's a beautiful thing when 2 people decide to spend the rest of the life together and decide to not become parents. It's your choice you don't have to explain to anyone. 2 people committed to one another living there lives as a family of 2 is wonderful. (or more than 2 people for the poly folks out there) Y'all don't sounds ready to be parents and that's cool. People should really stop asking. I've adopted a dog from a shelter, it's nothing like planning for the arrival of children. And comparing the two is silly. People who make poor choices that lead to their children being in foster ARE NOT TERRIBLE PEOPLE. Birth moms are also not destined to give birth so that adoptive parents can be parents. Unfortunate, sad, and really bad situations occur that lead to parental rights being terminated by the s state and children entering the foster care system. Also the cuckoo bird analogy is not insensitive but more ignorant to how parenting and adoption works. Also kids adopted out of the system in Texas get free college tuition to state school. 😀

Perfect cynicism I needed to juxtapose Beleaf In Fatherhood .😂 All jokes aside this was an honest and well informed convo.

lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo y'all are sooooooooo funny fr! i can relaaaaaaate!

I will be 40(whyyyyyyyyy!!?) next year. I love kids and everyone calls me the pied piper of kids, but I never really wanted any. Everyone thought I would have had many kids but I was like no birth control is my friend and a surprise pregnancy is not! LOL Now I have met someone and I can see it leading to marriage and he has always wanted a child. He is an only child and both parents have passed so he wants to essentially “keep his lineage going”. I on the other hand had a teenage mom, three younger siblings, was a nanny for 5 at one point and I know what children entail. Mr Hallease hit it on the head for me, I am selfish with my time. I like being able to just up and go. No worries about babysitters, money to take care of them etc. I know how hard child rearing can really be. There is no time off no matter how old they are. So I am at the crossroads in my life of do I or don’t I and also that girlie clock is ticking with my age. Oh and don’t get me started with I have worked in healthcare for 20 years and quite a few of those were on labor and delivery. 🥺 The stuff I have seen!!!

Ok...one more thought...The real question is.... Do you want parenting to be a part of your life experience? Why others choose to have or not have children/adopt children is not relevant. Each individual's reasons are just that..their reasons. Well, ok I think that is all for now. I hope you can tell that I really enjoyed this talk because I left two comments :). I have a ton more to say, but will stop now before I end up writing an essay. Thanks again.

I feel a lot of these same sentiments about having a kid or not and I'm a Midwife. I just dont have much urge or want to change my lifestlye lol . I would suggest childbirth education, it helps to know what physiological birth should be and to know how to prepare for a lot of the disparities that exist.

I have similar questions and similar trepidation, so I appreciate the honesty! :)

Sooooooooo I really started to hear y'all when Mr. Hallease described the cutting from v to a. Like, not sure if I should say thank you? But I'm definitely scarred (mentally) for life.

I appreciate the conversation around the physical and emotional concerns connected with having children. I kind of feel like the underlying sentiment of any major life choice (choosing to love, getting married, having kids) really connects to fear, control, and surrender. There are no guarantees in life and in many ways having a child is a major act of surrender. In the face of uncertainty (will this child be healthy, will I navigate post-partum successfully, can I even be a good parent) we still choose to give ourselves to, as Marissa so beautifully put it [the manifestation of martial love]. But isn't that the nature of love? Scary, crazy hard, on paper is extremely foolish, but we do it anyway.

This podcast was very insightful, I am nowhere near a space to have kids , first I have to find my man 😂, but I’m not sure either.. when I think of having kids, I think it is the ultimate gift for my husband. It’s the grandest gesture. There are a lot of reasons not to do things... but the reason you want to have one can hold more weigh than all the reasons not to.

I watched this while preparing for my Strategic marketing final - Sooo I heard great points , I feel the same ways, my mom is heart broken (she has to deal with that ) But she has my sister if anything but most parents said its worth it ehh. Im 22 and hella selfish I say I have a good 10 years to make that decision so ill play it by ear.

Yall are the best ❤️

I swear y'all have read my mind. I think the decision to have or not to have children is based on your worldview. The quote of the character Rust Cohle fron the show True Detective is one I relate to: "I think about the hubris it must take to yank a soul out of nonexistence into this meat… Force a life into this thresher." - True Detective I've known since I was a teenager that i didn't want children, and told my mom the same. Thankfully my parents never pressured me or my siblings to make them grandparents.

Yall would be fine, trust me. It's different when you have your own. Lis ..you both seem to have a good support system

I loved this!

I think the conversation between you too is necessary. Doesn't really matter about other opinions about what you do with your reproductive organs. But I think that you guys will be great parents just because of the thought process and ling term thinking. I was married 8 years before we had kids and I've always wanted to adopt {cost is way more than having kids} but I can't wait till we are ready to do that. You guys do you, kids or not, you're dope!

Oh hey, Mr. Hallease🙋🏽‍♀️ Nurse Practitioner here!

#BABYHATERS! (I'M JUST JOKING!) The fact that you put so much thought into this discussion tells me that you would be great parents. But, if you know that its not for you at this point and time then my hats off to you. I don't think your selfish, I think that you understand its not easy. But, if it every happens for you I think you won't over think it and it will progress naturally like all families. I also don't think people should keep asking when are you gonna have kids? Its just rude! I love that all your conversations are really thought provoking. Lastly, there are similarities to having a baby and a dog, but the difference is they grow up to be great people and you look around and you can't imagine life without them. On the positive side they are beautiful combinations and extension of you as parents. Great content!!

Great conversation!

Beleaf brought me here and I'm officially subscribed

Omg I remember what youtuber youre talking about i forgot her name. Lmao everyone was like whooooooa where did this baby come from it was hilarious.

In so many ways I completely agree with you. I am currently not prepared to make the sacrifices required to be an adequate+ parent. Having said that, the one thing I didn't agree with was when Mr Hallease said he wouldn't find any joy in lying on the floor next to his scared kids so they will go to sleep That stuff - the all out loving, caring, manifestation of God's love as a father/parent I wholeheartedly want. I just know that as of right now, I am not put together enough, or prepared enough to be a good parent. So why do it?

I love children, and children love me. But, I never felt any pangs of child birthing or raring. You guys touched on all the factors. I would also state that I am very selfish so I do not have the time to invest in having a child. When I stated that to a friend the other day they remarked that all the people that suppose to have kids do not want kids..lols It is like we are so self actualized that we would probably make very good parents but chose otherwise. I like that mr Hallese mentioned managing because basically that is what parenting is really management. I had a boss that you use to complain about how her kid does not respect her so it explained a lot about the way she operated. Children are not born bad but their parents are actually the ones that instill or do not instill values needed for growth. I do not believe that parent is good yet the child turned out bad as was mentioned by Mr Hallese. We may not be able to know exactly what is going on in a home but a child is a reflection of their parents' management skills.

My boyfriend's sister had her only baby at 40. She really wanted kids very badly and tried for a long time. I'm 38 and don't really want kids. My bf is 44 and he's pretty on bored with that also. However I also work with women seeking abortions and many of them are married with kids already and they are in their mid 40's and didn't think they could get pregnant again and BOOM! They got pregnant after like a decade and were shocked. So many people can naturally become pregnant well into their 40's and many people can't become pregnant even in their 20's. I like your conversation around this.

It's funny. I've never had the desire to have children but I feel mostly that the FEAR of being a mother is what keeps me from possibly having children. But I'm such a rebel. I hate that fear has somewhat prevent me from that.... hmmmm.... decisions, decisions. So happy to have a new video.

Dear Mr&Mrs Hallease you are both entitled to your own opinion.That being said it’s all phases just like phases of life so goes the phases of childhood. I agree with Mr. Hallease. Maybe he wants to also continue his family line. Also, there are lots of reasons to want to have one of you running around. Also, You can have one and adopt as well.

have You read Michelle Obama’s Becoming? I would love to hear your thoughts after having read it.

I was one of those accident people. I was on birth control, and it still happened. The next was planned. Our third happened on birth control. While I was in the process of getting my tubes tied the last pregnancy test revealed that I was expecting.

Children are a blessing but they aren’t for everyone. My husband and I have four. I’m a stay at home/homeschooling mom and I devote the majority of my time to them. It’s not always easy but I have no regrets. I’ve had had all-sections and gestational diabetes as well. God’s seen me through. I think you’ll make great parents if you do so choose. After knowing all that you know. Much love!

I wrote what seemed like a novel for my comment. I agreed on a lot of what you both said and yet still had a lot of feedback on the pros of why I had children but deleted it. I need a video response but I'm not doing that so yeah.... Sidenote I personally think you guys would be awesome parents. Whether that be through having biological children or adoption. You guys are really dope and so is your tribe on both sides. That kid or kids would be so rich in love and family.

I was due Nov 29th and now im officially over due. Maybe i shouldn't have watched this one 🤣 but I will say ...the increase of maternal deaths in America is because of the medical establishment, since almost all births in America happen in hospitals. They make birth out to be a medical emergency that they put you in, then claim to save you from..in most cases. By inducing women who aren't ready to give birth, sweeping membranes and whatnot, then pumping them full of pitocin that creates unnatural contractions, that makes the baby go into distress, and damn near makes the mother beg for an epidural, which slows down the labor and the baby's heart beat while the Dr. gets close to their clock out time and say you're not progressing so a c section is necessary to save you and the baby's life. Its actually safer to just have a midwife home birth if your healthy and have a hospital on back up. Edit: To anwser your question.....I became a parent at 39yrs old again because my Husband and I realized that if we believed in the Word of The Most High that we shouldn't be preventing something that He must have ordained in our lives to happen, and that children are truly a blessing despite what this world tells us. But I do understand that's OUR walk, and its a narrow path WE'RE on, and obviously its not for everyone.

You would make the best parents. There's not alot you really can control even without kids. Once you have one of those......... I promise you, you'll understand what everyones been talking about. 😂😂. I have two and still in awe.

To have kids or not is completely your choice also for people to ask you is completely their choice but probably extremely annoying. Heterosexuals regularly having sex will likely result in pregnancy (excluding prevention methods) so that question will be asked for a while it comes with the territory. You guys seem straight forward enough to handle the question.

My thought process around having kids in 49 minutes

Am 22yr and most of my friends are married and pregnant or have given birth. And am her like, nope not me not yet. I have so much life to live. Your video explains what has been on my mind for so long. The pressure of getting husbands and pregnant is so much , even for millenials but also in African household. If anyone asks me, am referring them to this video 😂👌

Why is the percentage of labor death so high in Texas?

Something washes over you when you have a child. The fullness of love is breathtaking. I have a child with special needs and it's more than a notion. I am raising him on my own. But having him in my life has grown me as a person and a woman. I think that you both are wise to enter into having children soberly and thoughtfully. But through it all it was the best decision of my life.

🤣 y'all are funny

Having children is a personal decision and each child is an individual with personality. For me the return you receive in love was worth it

Sigh... The Pokemon... I totally feel you about the spite thing, too. And clearly, Diego is going to be the favorite parent so it's not really fair for me.

Simply put, when you talk about humanity as a whole, from start to finish, we are MAD irrational and come with an innumerable amount of possibilities. We can make conscious thoughtful decisions, all the ones you have exhausted definitely, which is wonderful, but you can't impose rational thought on humans and how they get here. To believe in humans will always take "irrational" emotions such as faith and hope to contribute to humanity whether intellectually or physically. To persue dreams, to leave our house, to come home safely, you can do EVERYTHING RIGHT and still end up with a crappy life. I appreciate the level of thought put into your decision for sure, we need more people like you guys (it's why i love tuning in), but it was just so cringeworthy (?) to hear you guys kinda reason away the notion of having children. It is not to say you need to believe in having kids and asap, not at all, but i just think you're misplacing the emotional intangible "grey area" aspects of it as well.

Kind of drunky, but here's my thoughts. I like the idea of having 1 or 2, but like you say, it's a lot, and you really don't know what you'll get. We've seen some kids that really make us not excited about the experience... At the same time, for me at least, the idea of caring for someone and teaching them what I know and helping them become a good person makes me feel good. Not sure if it's selfish, but it's a way to try and put something good out into the world. Going back to the fact that you don't really know what you'll get, I am optimistic about the idea of seeing our own little creation grow into a person that we could get to know over time. And pranks. You can prank them and it's funny.

Mr Hallease definitely wants chillrensss !

It seems like he wants kids, and you don’t. That’s the reality with a lot of couples. This is good for people to see. Everything isn’t black and white. You both would be fine parents if you want to be parents. Lots of things in life have cons marriage etc. Just don’t let fear drive your choices no matter what they may be. Love y’all

Parents will always worry if their kids are going to be ok doesnt matter if you have a disability or not. Also that fear of being a horrible parent is every parent's head. Most of time you wont know what your doing. I can admit I have no clue . You can still keep your career and just find away to work around your kid also. Thats harder when you dont have a strong support system but it can be done.

Also the RU-vidr you're we're referring to is Peakmill. She just did it again! She has two daughters now!

It's a positive thing yall when u over think it then you will worry about it

*raises hand* Woman of colour here in her late 30s. I have wanted to be a Mom and I knew there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. I have been married for going on 7 years to a great man who is like minded and we live a very happy childfree life. We have some pretty amazing friends and their wonderful children in our lives. We have never and I am pretty sure we will never feel like we are missing out. Like you, we don’t see the value in having children but respect people’s decisions to do what they feel is best for them. We travel alot, we do charity work and we have the flexibility that some don’t have until their children are in College. And even then, they may have financial restrictions. I find it strange that people say don’t over think it, just have a child... it will be the best decision you have ever made. It could be but you cannot undo the decision. Live your best life and not a life that society dictates.

😂😂😂 Do ya'll.👌🏿

I agree with everything you both said here.. I’m. 34 no kids.. just my boyfriend and 4yold dog

You might already know all of this, so ignore me if you do! That child screaming 'no' for 10 minutes, that's trauma in the making. When one has a kid, everything slows down out of necessity. The parent has to be okay with leaving the ice cream line and returning back to it after their child has safely expressed themselves to a authentically listening ear. A parent can never fault an emotional response. They're children! They don't know what's going on! Children before the age of 15 or 16 are inherently narcissistic, not like the personality disorder, but just that they see the world as revolving around them, which is necessary to their intra-personal development. So they think everything a parent does is about them. When they're upset in the ice cream store and their mom gets mad at them and practically throws them away at their dad, they learn the lesson that sadness and anger are not allowed if you want mom to love you. This can lead (and often does) to the child suppressing anger and sadness for the rest of their lives! The mother being frustrated that her child is upset and screaming--her frustration is to the detriment of her child's emotional development and therefore emotional intelligence. I think you two would be awesome parents because you strive for authenticity. Children NEED authenticity. It's an actual core need of the child. They literally won't learn it if we don't do it. And that's how it is with everything. You want them to learn self-love? You gotta do it. You want them to clean up after themselves? You gotta do it. You want them to have strong interpersonal relationships? You gotta do it. I've learned this through studying trauma, mind-body connection, intergenerational work, and teaching children. Not a parent myself, just a nerd about it. Lol. Thank you for talking about these things! I love watching you all

There are a lot of cultures that see becoming a parent as another milestone for adulthood. You are seen as weird if you're in your mid to late 30's and don't have at least one child. I have a hormonal imbalance that makes pregnancy difficult and I wonder if I would have been a mother by now if it wasn't for that.

Mr hallease with the gems “children will be self centered until they become self actualized” come on now !