Just went for a night run on the levy. Saw a massive rod-shaped green light appear to my right in the distance, then disappear and I couldn’t see the source. Scared shitless. Ran to my car and drove home. Here I am calming down, thx Guru 😭
The look of utmost confidence on Titos face as he's about to deliver the cheese and wine promo, and you can see his brain malfunctioning as it's computing the sentence coming out.
It’s like watching someone do algebra but with the English language. He literally is trying to compute actual speech and is incapable of completing the process
@heavensubculture he's so annoying. And I hate how he says, man. Like yeah maan that's so annoying, maaann...🤦. Besides, him and rogan threw eddie bravo under the bus about flat earth all the time, even though Joe knows for a fact we've never been to the moon and all the pictures are fake. It's so stupid.
The onion scene, the cutting, the blood, and the fact he just continues, ignoring the fact he actually cut himself and is bleeding all over the family dinner- had me crying tears of laughter. Thanks guru, that was special.
@@esewey1686 LOL! Was it a live stream? If not, surely someone watched it back and had to see the blood on the onion? Why was that just disregarded?? Hahaha....God I laughed until I cried. As a chef, you know his final push absolutely was NOT "good form." It was horrible! And while his choice of knife (machete? lol) wasn't the worst, an 8-10" chef's knife would do SO much better.
Tito's dialog is described best by this Michael Scott quote "Sometimes I start a sentence and I have no idea where it's going, I just hope I find it along the way" 😂😂😂
@@aresjerry even that LOL there has to be a easier way to explain his training days then what he said or even the translation LOL, translating gibberish makes it a bit better but still insane LMAO
He's one for ya. Buddy comes on line the other day, during lunch rush, and asks "Hey, where's the ham for the hamburgers?". This is after disappearing into the walk-in for like 4 min.
@@beautifulstrongman How did I miss this for 2 months lol. Your guys didn’t send him to dry storage for a can of steam did ya ? Had a guy I was training on fry ask me why the oil wasn’t boiling if it’s at 350 degrees… bring me the robots please.
For years & years I swear my boss has only one expression, a frown, never smiled doesn't laugh, mono toned, not interested in making eye contact with life, he has always been suspected of having no soul and described as being a human with no personality. I put this vid on at lunch break and we all saw it happen for the first time...he smiled and laughed!
The onion cutting was a rollercoaster! It went from being funny due to his strange technique, to being body horror once he starts bleeding, to drama and suspense at how close he is to completely chopping his finger off, back to humorous when he pretty much insinuates he'd rather bleed cutting an onion than cry, to a feeling of resolution when he finishes cutting the onion with any further damage with respectable technique. We're lucky to still have tito with us after seeing how endangering he is to his own well being just taking on the most mundane day to day tasks.
@@nervouspanic5286people don’t want to die, sure, but I’m pretty sure the worse thing that could happen to any decent parent is to outlive their child. I don’t think most people want to live through some shit like that.
@@ominousbagel512 My god man you're a dopey fella. The chronicles of Tito have been going on since the early 2000s when did you start watching the sport?
It's just a simulation of the speeds a lot of jets go and the forces they put on a person. Not dangerous for the brain long term, it's kinda like being put in a choke temporarily.@@Shoegazebasedgenre0.
Tito left out what he was training on. “I’m training 6 days a week, 5 days a week cardio, 3 days wrestling….etc etc “ he left out what he was training on 😂😂
I think Tito is always in that "be/say motivational stuff all the time" mindset and that he's literally speaking whole sentences without thinking what he's saying lol. Cte definitely is a factor but some people really are just dopey too. That combined and you get Tito lol. One of the cooler more coherent things he's said was that cheap Jackal story and chael instantly ruined it for him by talking about his pstar baby mama.
Was having a super normal night, until I went downstairs to quietly get me a bowl of cereal without waking anybody up.. started watching this video & 5 minutes later I'm covered head to toe in milk/captain crunch because I laughed so hard mid bite I choked, tried to panick wrestle the bowl to the counter without dropping it, didn't. Bowl hits the ground. Everybody woke up. The visual is me covered in milk, uncontrollably laughing while choking watching This f*ckin guy talking about how he's never felt better while also mentioning how his body hasn't matured well.. because his dad's 80 & his grandmother's 100.. This video was well worth the choke
I can’t stop laughing over that. He thought he lost time again and missed a bunch of the conversation. It’s exactly like when I fake throw the ball to my wiener dog. 😂😂😂
LMAO, same. The whole clip is awesome with Tito's perfectly timed laugh, Dana trying and failing to contain his own laughter, the possessed chair, and of course the spectacle that is borderline retardation level IQ combined with Shamrock's CTE and having less than zero points put into charisma it is all just amazing. Off to go watch it again it never disappoints.
I was never a real Tito fan, and then I saw him on Tuf against Shamrock. My view of him changed completely. I will still argue that he is one of Tuf's best coaches. He was fantastic with his fighters. He has never been able to speak, but he still has my respect after that performance.
"He's reaching for - he's reaching for those grapes. He's trying to make his wine, and the wine's already soundin' like a violin with that cheese and wine." 🍇 🧀 🍷 🎻
Is there a compliation of videos from early in his career that demonstrate a high level of intelligence or articulateness? How can we definitively blame cte? Maybe this is just tito. 😂
Tried so hard and was proud of myself for keeping my composure for so long (4 minutes). However “right hook to the body” was my breaking point. I can no longer breathe
I’m sorry, but I got a really disagree with you on this one guru, you’re probably too young to even understand what Tito Ortiz has meant to the sport of MMA. Don’t give me wrong I’m not a huge Tow fan or anything like that but you’re dead wrong about this one Homie. You can sit on it and twirl.
You post 1-2 videos a month that are just laugh factories and part of it is that you just have an infectious laugh due to it being genuine, you don’t falsify your emotion and so it always hits 10/10.
This video took a turn for the worse when you got to the g force simulator and paused it on his face like that. I was semi amused up until that point because ive seen all these but once that part of the video hits I was dying laughing...and it just goes down hill from there my stomach hurts from laughing so hard
I literally woke up in the middle of the night . It’s 5 Am I tried to put on a guru video to go to sleep to, I’ve been laughing throughout the entire video and I cannot sleep now. Thanks guru
the onion chopping technique you see him use IS a legitimate one for dicing an onion, only his execution is rough for obvious reasons. He clearly has issues with grip, and clenching his hands, in at least one hand, and that's probably why he opened the protein tub the way he did. Not defending the dumb shit he said, as that shit was hilarious, just as a trained kitchen cook, there are ways to dice onions, and that's one legitimate way indeed :)
I’ve seen the effects of head trauma first hand with family and it’s really one of the hardest and saddest things to see someone go through. But I’d be lying if I said there’s never a moment where it can be fucking hilarious.
He obviously suffering from some neurological disorder from fighting or hereditary.He having a go at least.Like to see you with same issues and how you handle it.Could be pain medication too.
Goddamn..anytime i need to clear my head after or during tumultuous times i go thru the Tito vids and it never fails to get me to literally laugh out loud. Like real loud and hard! His cameo video is tops!!
Im pretty sure what tito has is a form of aphasia called wernikes aphasia where basically, he cant form sentences that make sense but to him, they do. Its all just word salad.
Mate please make this a weekly thing. The dopamine hits off of just laughing at you laughing at shit is too good 😂 Ken Shamrock would be a good one lol
I just stopped wrestling after 18 years I watched this planning on being scared...... I'm so ashamed that I must have laughed harder than I've laughed in about 5 years😂😂😂
