Once I realized women were manipulating me and treating me like shit I bailed out. Haven't had a relationship or sex since then. I'd rather be alone than treated like shit all the time.
I love this channel!!! I'm a mother to 4 boys and this will be required viewing for them. I realized all that you are saying by watching my brothers and their marriages. And I vowed not to let my sons fall for that crap. Thank you for putting all this information out there. This should be required viewing for all teenage boys before they start dating. Forget sex education in high school, they should be watching these videos for life education. I hope you all are able to finally settle down with a good woman. God bless!!
I was so unbelievably naive when I got married. I thought we were going to be like a team, synergistically working toward individual and mutual self-improvement. But it never felt like we were a team, it felt like a power struggle. After a while, I could see a power struggle wasn't what it was at all - she was merely chaotically demanding, prone to random whims and short-term satisfaction to the detriment of reason. After the divorce and self-reflection, it occurred to me that her behavior and nature was exactly like that of a petulant child. And expecting her to work together with me like a team was as irrational as expecting a five year-old to help you balance your checkbook. It occurred to me that the only way it could have worked was as almost like a parental relationship: That I needed to train her to have respect for me, to not make impulsive decisions, to not be outlandishly materialistic at substantial cost to any future children, not to invent fake problems (shit tests) when there were plenty of real problems, etc.
That is exactly how I felt about my current wife. We were married in 2011 and she left about 13 months ago thankfully. Now we are working on a divorce. I understand your frustration. I see this post is about a year old hope your doing better now.
Rarely, if ever, is any f their bushut is done strategically. They aren't like us! They don't think in logical terms like us, this is why they do everything possible to ruin the one thing they crvr. They are completely bound by emotions. They arent cababe le of thinking outside of that framerwork. If you think she'll eventually get it the millionth time you rxplin it to her you're not getting it. The good news is, if you're in this position with her, she loves you and you're the centre of her entire world. Her emotions r dictated by you and how things are going with you. You gotta realize that and manage her emotions.
HAHA, I tried this with my last gf , called her on her bs every time, broke up with her twice and only took her back when she profusely apologized but alas it didnt take. She eventually enlisted a female therapist when i said she has issues and needs help. Well both her and the therapists started using low level shaming right from the get go. At first i just laughed then later when i realized she was never gonna change and would always try to control me, i just lost it told her I never wanna see her again
Never go to couple therapy with your woman, it's a trap, it's sabotage. women know how to manipulate the therapist men or women. and moreover they will lean on the therapy to avoid changing themselves and make sure he changes the way she wishes.... until he's no longer the man who attracted her and dump him.
I don't know where you are with women. I am also in Mensa. The woman I chose to marry 26yrs ago, after vetting her for 5yrs (she also got to vet me), also has a high IQ. My advice to you is that you will be much better off with a similarly intelligent woman. In my experience, most of the time you will be able to talk out disagreements. But know that she is still a woman, and you are still a man. Like Paul has said, put your values first, and don't compromise them. Politely lay out your reasonable boundries, and politely let her know what you will do if crosses the line. And if she does, then do what you said, politely, and without apology. She will learn that you are a man of your word. And for you (all people, actually) that's a good place to be.
Golden, Paul. You re a national treasure, despite what that idiot television presenter in Australia tried to portray. I hope you are refreshed. Your work is important. Your narrative saves lives and rebalances male thinking. When coming out of a toxic relationship, and at a low ebb, you offer a perspective that men can relate to through actual experience. It gave me that 'Aha" moment, and gradually my thinking and paradigm shifted.
You will be happy to know, her idea for the two week vocation to Hawaii at mainly my expense has been cancelled. Instead we are going for one week holiday to Cairns in Northern Queensland in which she is paying for herself & her children. Even though I have been their before at least I don't feel ripped off. With the money I save I can give myself a holiday to Hawaii by my self some other time.
Watching your videos has made me become a better girlfriend to my boyfriend. He doesn't know I watch you. And I don't agree with everything you say. But I see a much brighter future for us because of you. So thank you.
Well my wife is also "strangely attracted to you" and, while being skeptical at first, appreciates your work on daily basis. Sir your work is deeply appreciated. I have a son and a daughter and we plan on raising them as "human beings" rather that boy and Girl (which seems to be synonym for snowflake made of porcelain: they break and cut into others).
my single mother girlfrient wants me to pay for 75% of our planned holiday to Hawaii as she needs to take her two children as well. Should I just tell her, Im going by my self & save my self $3,000 in airfairs alone. Maybe traveling alone is better than being ripped off.
Dating a single mother? If you don't learn how to say NO, you will learn how to wear your slave chains! 3K? Isn't that better spent on something more fun than dealing with a single mother and someone else kids? Sounds like you are being asked to pay for some holidays that sound more like working on a customer service department...
3k would get you 10 months of "live in GF experience" in many asian countries, that is the going rate from what i understand from youtube, you could have quite a good vacation for a lot less.
Paul Ross If she "expects" for you to shell out 3K on her kids and isn't eternally grateful, eject her from your life right now and never talk to her again.
Yes she expects me to pay, she knows, I own my house in Sydney Australia, which she would love to move into, but with common law in Australia that is not an option. She also knows I got what I have from working very hard & very long hours from a very ordinary job. I'm now at an age in my mid 50's where I work less, but every dollar I earned come from being a work slave & sacrificing my own comfort like holidaying in a tent & not in motel rooms. In Australia earlier this year on a road trip, she would not stay in a tent, one night I had to shell out $320 for the night for her & her children because we pulled over into a town that had no cheap motel rooms available for 2 adults & 2 children, even though I had a tent in the boot of the car just incase we needed it, we could have stayed in a camping ground for $30 for the night. The $290 saving represents almost 2 days hard work fir me, just for a little disconfort for her & some fun for her her small children staying in a tent for just one night of our trip. This inability for her to sacrafice her comfort at my expense has turned me off.
With the exception of my first girlfriend I have always done this in my relationships. I was 15 when I met my first girlfriend and she was a year older and completely took over my life. After nearly a year if this I grew some balls and broke it off, vowing to never have this happen to me again. I dated many women after and most ended up like you said, rejecting my indifference to their games and me prioritizing my friends and hobbies over her. But now I am married and have a kid. My wife loves the fact that I stand up for myself and we both are free to do the things we like to do. We also both work full time, but my shift work gives me a lot of flexibility to do the things I want to do, especially when my kid is at school. I visit my friends, play video games etc. Key thing is I never lie to her, If I don't like her behavior I will tell her off straight away and I also expect the same in return. The great thing is we never have to second guess each other on how we feel. Fact is that most women hate brutal honesty, and struggle when you tell them what you really think. My wife was no different, and in the beginning she did struggle with this a bit. But her previous partner lied a lot and cheated on her, and this made her quickly see the benefit in brutal honesty. Now she thinks it is my best trait.
I’ve been listening to your videos near daily and I wish to share my sincere appreciation for your thoughts and insights. I feel relief when I listen to you because you are offering knowledge that is enlightening and balance bringing. You’re helping me to be a more self aware, more generous and more harmonious human being and woman. I cannot thank you enough. What a blessing this insight is and I’m becoming a better woman to my man. The changes I’m making are creating more and more joy between us. I strive to always be worthy of the self-sacrificing and honorable natures of men... I’m continuously touched by the hearts of the men around me. Thank you again✨🌷🕊
Your videos are great Man. Im 27 and your advice is really fuckn helpful. Alot of women around my age are ridiculously brainwashed by the media. Thank you sir.
9:10 One of the most common types of emotional blackmail is the "you don't care" ploy, which many women use when you give them any resistance to getting their way. It's "if you love me _____" (fill in the blank). Or, "you won't take me where I want to go, because you don't care about me." Or, the ever popular, "you only care about yourself." Hearing something like this automatically sends beta males into emergency mode, where they desperately rattle off a dozen examples of things they did to prove they care. They can even get heated about it. 9:49 The approach I'm suggesting is quite different. Emotional blackmail is an absolute form of emotional abuse. When your woman tells you that you don't care enough about her to give her what she wants, you can simply look her in the eye and say, "Well, I don't care enough about you to put up with this." Then go find something else to do while she explodes.
I am a Bible believer and I married a Christian woman who refused to accept a wife's Biblical role - I would not back down from my position - because of this I was destroyed financially/ emotionally/ physically. I also lost the only thing I had left / my son. So take the risk if you must, but it is not worth it!
I'm sorry man. I dated an older lady whose ex hubby was a pastor. She cheated on me, lied about a hickey on her neck, and said God told her not to marry me.... Looking back on it, it was just as pointless as chasing the skeexiz or the worst bar stool garden tool.
In my opinion, what you failed to address is that you can TEMPORARILY train a woman to be a good partner. But the nature of human relations is that everything is temporal. Any man should enter any relationship with the mentality that it will end sooner or later. This alone will save you a lot of heartache. Men love more deeply than any woman could ever do. That is why we obsess over our partner, and get to think that "she is the one". We tend to imagine the rest of our lives together with this "unicorn" we found, and when we wake up to the hypergamous reality it is usually devastating to us.
seitekihikaru I agree mostly, although there is something that is not temporal. That is women's need for validation. I've seen it in the teenager to the elderly woman. A man that is of high value, based on whatever that WOMAN'S idea is of what high value is, and yet NEVER gives that validation may be training for life if he wants.
Agreed. Almost killed myself a few times over breakups. This last one had me staring at door knobs trying to work out if they'd support my weight. I've no kids, very little money, no reason not to. Except, my family, my friends, my community. Instead of killing myself over a lost love, I am volunteering my time in my community and spending more time at the gym and with family. I loved her so deeply. I loved her parents. Her niece and I would play games together. I miss the idea of the future. That love and energy will be redistributed between myself and others close to me.
@@scottgreen132 God bless you brother. Live with values and integrity and you'll be fulfilled and when you're old and on your deathbed you can look back at your life and tell yourself that you didn't give up and you lived The good life.
Thank you for your kind words John. It took me 36 years on earth to realise that the most important way to live was with values and integrity. I have not given up and won't. I want to see how my life unfolds. I have a habit of making the lives of those near me better, and I want to see just how many people I can help before I die. I feel like the purpose of my life is to help, inspire and be of service to others. We give what we so deeply need. If I can get the help or inspiration I need, the next best thing is to give it to others. And that's what I'll do.
I agree, I'd like to tell men to leave those type of girls immediately, but do many times I've seen people try over and over again banging they're heads on brick walls. So, considering that, it can help ppl get along with figuring the thing out. And it's temporary of course, but thr idea is that once she gets the idea the sabotage will stop.. i seen it work and not work.
This was my 2nd video. My 37th anniversary is this month and your advice gives me encouragement. A funny thing happened over the last 15 years since I've been driving OTR (daughter moved out to attend college) ..... my testicle grew back !!! It won't be easy "reclaiming the pants in the family", but if she insists, no reason for me to hang around. Freedom isn't free.
Adam Adkins No. From what I’ve heard, ESPECIALLY the Christian women act like that. They are one of if not THEE main ones that do. It’s in Christianity itself that men are to be “good” husbands that provide for the family.
Yes, Christian husbands are to be "good" husbands. A man that is in charge of his family and is respected by others (especially his wife). He is not a doormat or a blue pill but a man of honor. The Bible is clear exactly how marriages are to be. Husbands and Wives roles. Today, there are very few that way but some are and they are the very best marriages. I have seen them. Yes, they are that good. For Both of them.
Christian women behave like that because of false teaching in many churches. The bible makes it absolutely clear that women are responsible for their own moral conduct as independent moral agents, the church often preaches something different. Christianity teaches that we are to train each other in a respectful non manipulative way much like the topic of this video. Women must respect their husbands, no woman respects her husband by manipulating him or ruling the household like a petty tyrant. Likewise, men are not to treat a good woman harshly. The true Christian position is one of reciprocity, different but of equal value, training each other to bring out the full potential of the individual and the relationship.
I wish Mr. Elam knew of how meaningful his work is to me. I have suffered with so many of the issues that Mr. Elam addresses through his program. I am a proud subscriber of his work, and I eagerly await his videos. Few people have had it as bad as I have, and it has shaped my views. Thank you Mr. Elam for finding the truth in my life.
i struggle to find the words to properly compliment the insight and wisdom in your talks and the years of work and distillation to be able to state things so succinctly and in so many videos from so many angles. Bravo - and thank you
Backpage keeps my life simple, but that's not to say it works for every man. Thank you for what you're doing Paul, I enjoy your videos and share them often. You're one of my go-to's when encouraging friends with marital or relationship problems.
This is not wisdom but bitterness towards women. As a woman, I am scandalized by what I am listening to here, that reminds me of my misogynistic father. I grew up hearing about how shitty and whores are women. I was sexually and mentally abused and watched him mistreating my mom constantly. I am still fearful of men. I am having a hard time trusting them.
Paul, you are fantastic. I am grateful for your videos and your unorthodox yet eloquently executed method. Sadly, you have taught me more about myself in the last year than I have learned over the last 32 years. Thank you I guess? Keep up the good work.
This is amazing. I swear I wrote a journal almost exactly like this a few years ago. Finding a voice that puts it into words is just so wonderful, lol.
You're a goddamned genius. Your insight into sociopolitics as it pertains to male female interactions is exceptional. A sound and rational mind full of no bullshit truths. Truths that you don't attempt to sugar coat. You are an Alpha.
Hey Paul, I saw some of your older video, like Going Mental, and it taught me that I can say no to a woman and things will still be fine, it highlighted sometimes I did it and that I was much happier when I did. In my 19year-old, short lived life I never was in a sexual relationship with a woman, the closest thing I got to that is 2 awkard confenssions, the one while a girl was drunk and the second by a friend of mine jokingly saying: ''Do you still like [crush's name]?'' ''Yes, like what changed from last week for you to ask that?'' ''Why don't just fall in love with another girl?'' ''What?! You can't just choose to fall in love, wh... like what other girl SHOULD I fall in love with?'' ''How about.. me?'' *cricket sounds* I know, I also cringe at the fact that I thought that falling in love is like a magical thing or something to that extend. Or that even such a thing can happen. Saying 'No' can be applied to any type of relationship.
Well done Paul. had a relationship end when she said to me "you dont even want to be here", i left but wasn't happy with myself because i could not articulate why this wasn't acceptable. now i know how to describe what happened. thank you!
There was an old silent movie on recently called "Flesh and the Devil." I won't give away too much, but a married woman had an affair with one of two friends. Her husband ended up out of the picture and the lover had to leave the country. Lover asked a male friend to keep the woman company. In their first scene, the woman is distraught and uninterested in the new man. Then he says if she needs money he can help. You can see her interest. Then he says he's rich, and she ends up marrying him. Later she is reluctant to run away with lover when he returns because her husband is rich and she doesn't want to leave that. Rather interesting movie.
Mickor: There is something called the nanny state! Which includes family courts and even criminal courts, which are there to serve a woman to extort, scam, confiscate, blackmail, coerce and do whatever the hell she wants over any lie she tells, when she wants it and as she wants it... Dominant position? With the state thugs working at her request? Dude you are a fool! She might let you believe that you are the boss, but in reality you are a dog in leash!
Am amazed as always. And again if you try to train her, social media and society at large will wash that off immediately she steps out of the door and bring you back to square one. It's quite a task and you have to be very sure if you want to do it.
Great video. Thanks from Europe I am in my mid 40's and single, wishing during a long time finding a woman to share my life/time, but at the same time seing that I don't have the energy nor the will to deal with woman's games, concious or subconcious from their part. Meeting a woman of my age makes me feel I am 10 or 20th plate, they are divorced or single mothers or egocentric single 40ers who any man couldnt stand.
I was brain wash by my parents and freinds and family, until i learned a men can not practice marriage in a shitty system. Cash is king and women are a flower that wilts in a couple of years. Stick to cash and turn cash into gold.
Great talk bud and an excellent isolated stretch of road, I would on occasion make similar runs over the years, best in my memory were the ones in my MGB
It's good to hear honest advice from another man instead of the passive ,silent and at times resentful amongst groups of men who bond together over a similar weakness.
Thank you for keeping this 100% At 65 years old I still find it interesting that some people do not understand that in order for men and women to co exist. Someone has to take the lead and be responsible for the whole family to survive. Genisis 3:16 To the woman He said: “I will sharply increase your pain in childbirth; in pain you will bring forth children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” This set the stage for both men and women to always be in conflict. There can only be one head. I remember someone saying that anything with two heads is a monster...Men have to be strong in the Lord. That's My Truth...Amen!!!
It's Always Good to get a reminder of the Red Pill Truth..., One tends to forget and get oneself Fd up in toxic relationships just to "Please her", accommodate with the emotional gangsterism "I'm a woman with strong emotions.." to "Be with someone.." or in truth..; Not be alone..!! Just got into one of these, a few months ago and I realize I Didn't do the Job I should have done; Teach her how to be a Responsible Adult for her own shit, not to let her dump that S.. on me, and Teach the reciprocity of; love, give and take, and self-check/control..! I've only myself to blame, i should get my regular shot of Red Pill and MGTOW to ensure; Me to Survive, and not Autodestruct, in order to get into a relationship and all that goes with it..!! Thanks Paul..!
Hi Paul. Thanks for that one. Of course "social contract" refers also to f.e. Germany. Like for me, I am just awakening from a nightmare of fourteen years of marriage, five children (all girls! , all well), burnout, asf. So first of all, your "Ear for men" soothes my pain and wounds. Second, I rediscover the social contexts within all this happens and which (still) pushes me into the dynamic of the present "social contract". No way out to escape! I am still convinced, that the responsibility for a broken relationship shares fifty-fifty. Whereas I take the full 100 percent for being so foolish, ignorant to assimilate to her needs to a degree, that cost me my health. Physically and mentally! - I only begin to see that clearly. Most thankful and sincerely from Lower-Saxony in Germany, Guy
7 лет назад
great discourse, paul. great goddamn stretch of road, too. as for most men going to end up pair-bonding eventually, most but not all. at 62, i've done about all the negotiating i'm going to do in this life.over the last 3 years, i've taken to retirement, and travelling roads like the one above, and i prefer to do it alone. it's a bucket list thing and i'm not putting twice a year of 6 or 7 weeks of road aside because i've got to worry about or consider a girlfriend waiting when i get back. i haven't got time to raise a woman.
Nice to have you back! Good advice. I was about to write that it's too much effort - but I guess you've got that covered. Even so, I'm hoping having already had my fill of being used and abused and still escaping with little legal trouble, I won't be as quick to shoot myself in the foot again. Just having some casual fun with women who think I'm an idiot is enough for now, at least.
Thank you Paul , i wish your videos were available before i made a disaster out of my life ! I just got clear of my short relationship with a BPD . it took 25 years to get clear legally . In Jan 22 im clear ! Time to move ahead IN CONTROLL !!!
