DON'T Makes These Mistakes When DATING... | Matthew Hussey 

I will say that my husband of 2 years is pretty boring. But he is gentle and calm and never looses his cool. Thats why I'm still attracted to him 😊😊

I think a lot of times that we are in love with the imaginary person that we want them to be when in reality they are really not that person at all, which is why the relationship ended. A year from now most of us will be like "what the hell was i thinking"? Not in a bad way, just in how we moved on and how life is fine without this person that we thought we couldn't be with out.

Matthew is so spot on. You need competence not just confidence. Be willing to learn from experts. Be flexible and improve yourself. You're not perfect. Try being humble, you aren't all that.

This is why when my friend says she's looking for a man who's ambitious and passionate about work, I just scoff. I dated a super-ambitious workaholic before. I was initially attracted to him because of his success and passion. Then I realized that his priority is always his work, everything else just takes second seat. It got too frustrating and lonely.

"You were boring..." What I've learned thus far in life, relationships or not, is that when somebody tells you something that's initially hurtful to you (whether you ask or not), it's probably for your highest good NOT to fight back. Not only because losing your cool is, in a weird way, a "gift" to the other person, letting them know that they GOT you, but more deeply...being told something is an opportunity to stop and ask "Well...could this be true?" I've been told many things in my life that were hurtful and not true. "You're lazy, you're unreasonable...etc, etc"...Hurtful, but an opportunity to stop and look at yourself. That's my opinion, anyway.

Practice unique pairings all you want but also accept the fact that some people just wont appreciate what they have until theyve lost it.

When you meet someone with these unique pairings it seems like you won’t ever meet someone else that excites you as much. That’s my problem right now 😢

It's painful but we can be boring for someone and not for someone else...🥺

He's like a mix between Daniel Radcliffe and Tom Holland - very interesting video and concepts.

I really love Mathew’s ability to be vulnerable, like he laughed openly in the beginning and I laughed twice 😂 and he is also open and honest about his own personal life too, it’s very attractive about him. And, Lewis is adorable in his own ways.

I think also that conversation and transparency is one of the keys for a long term relationship. It starts with small black points here and there, each person keep it inside, and all that time it's growing, till it exploses one day. Couples need to talk when it's not okay too.

Elliot Scott said the same -- it's hard to find someone with the right balance of qualities together

One of the biggest mistakes is letting your feelings ignore any red flags. I met my ex when she was 16. I ignored the red flag that she was already drinking too much. I divorced her 20 years later because she refused to get help for her alcoholism.

My biggest mistake is getting addicted to the woman "in my head" as in, I "create" or take the best qualities of the person I am crushing on or dating and then I forget about the bad qualities. But a friend also told me the dating world sucks now because it's just in-person Tinder; You either bone within the hour or move on since no one wants to put in the time to get to know each other.

Back up unique pairing like confidence and humor with emotional honest vulnerability. Bad boy with a heart. Solid gold. Follow that man anywhere.

So many divorces as “too many people want an unconditional love, walking into relationships with a bag full of conditions” ...

From a woman going through divorce right now after nearly 20 years of marriage... reason for break up: emotional abuse as a result from a guy who keep on searching for something better when he had the best at home. What you guys you don’t understand you have to stop with this games and trickery, focus to love and grow with one person. When they see you are committed so will she!

“She’s the kind of girl who would rather be magical to you than belong to you”

He is Boring. That doesn't stop him from being an incredible person though. Being boring is an opinion. This man is comfortable in his own skin.

People make the biggest mistake when they dont know how to be alone. If you dont like with alone with you, how can you expect someone else to be alone with you? Lol "know what you want in a relationship, and be the kind of person who is suitable for that kind of relationship".

I love it that both guys got really vulnerable and talked about their heartache and their feelings in general xxx

I suspect if you have rare qualities or unique pairings in your personality some people might be worried that they can't match you so don't try to date you because they'd feel they don't bring as much to the table. Or they may think you're too good to be true. You know, like the beautiful woman who's a scientist or the guy that understands how money works and invests in the stock market but is also a sensitive artist. Both these examples would be unique pairings that might be daunting to other people.

Dating people carry alot of responsibility. Familiarity breeds contempt. The more people know about you, the more they hold you in contempt. Its like you cant let people in totally or they will get bored or turned off. Its like we are responsible to keep people happy

Reminds me of an experience I had with a man I was dating who had children. The children were between the ages of 16 and 26, so not young children. At first I was impressed with his commitment to his children's happiness. Unfortunately, as time went on, I realized it was to an unhealthy level and at a detriment to his own needs, hobbies, interests, friends, romance, even his own parents took a backseat to his children. Like to the point where an elder is on death's door in a hospital and because his daughter (the 16 year old) had a soccer game, he chose that over going to the hospital for what could of been the last time they saw the person! 😳 And yes, he and the hospitalized family member were close.... yet apparently not close enough to miss his daughter's game. Nevermind she had a lot of games obviously. And no- it wasn't a championship game or anything unlike a normal activity. That's just one of MANY examples that made me go... 🤔hmm??? I recognize it now as a codependency that probably (at least in part) developed after his divorce from their mother - but usually that tendency is there already. I think these divorced parents have a hard time with a guilt of the marriage breaking up so they go overboard trying to make up for it. While I understand they want their children to feel loved, I told him they need to understand the world does not revolve around them - not to the detriment of more important priorities- (or what SHOULD be a priority). Moderation and a happy medium was not his strong suit, and a cornerstone in codependency theory - everyone's needs - or certain people's needs- over others or self. Not too mention the defensiveness when he was challenged or felt judged, and zero self-awareness about any of it. He even yelled at his sister who was upset he wasn't at the hospital, I heard it. Without bothering more with that story, the point is that yes - something that is a great quality (like being a devoted parent) can turn into an unattractive quality. In his case, his children were his ONLY interest and reason for living. Why someone like him bothered to date me (or anyone else) I'll never understand except he said over and over he wanted a romantic partner yet his actions said otherwise. As Matthew stated, if you're not well-rounded, you're boring. And as my story points out, it can even be an obsessive focus on something leaning into an unhealthy attachment issue. Yeah...not so attractive anymore.

im so relaxed by his voice and accent

I’m the same way!! 😂😂😂 Now, before dating, I tell them that I’m boring but I can be fun too. Fun is not my priority because fun for me is my career and goal’s journey. By doing that I eliminate all the party guys. 🤷🏼‍♀️🙏🏻

I was marriage for 15 years to a man who argued tooth and nail that people couldn't change. Completely eliminates the possibility of growth and the idea that maybe it's a worthy goal, and frankly the best of the stuff that life is made from.

This guy is a genius about relationships

One trait is not enough. It’s the unique pairings that continuously attract people. Thank you Matthew!

Omg when you said her response was “you are boring” I died 💀 I love your vids so much TY!

Matthew I can't see you being boring even your voice shows excitement

Being too selfish is a key to depart and blame game sucks

Such a wise- honest guy.... wow

Matthew explained things perfectly!

14:50 “it turns out they’re not the one after all. I thought they were, but they’re not. The search continues” a simple statement, yet it holds so much weight with the truth it carries. “The search continues” ; “Just keep swimming”

This opens my eyes so much. Thank you for being so vurnerable and sharing this!

I’m glad you have gone through the heart breaks.. you speak to us from true experience 👍🏼✨

loved everything about this interview

Divorce is high and people stay breaking up because people are not whole and look to relationships to fill voids. People should focus on cultivating their most healthy selves and then go out and find someone who has equally been doing that internal work. whole + whole = one unified whole.

I can listen to him all day...he says veryyy helpful things.

This advice is gold! Thanks

I love this! I feel so validated. I feel like i get more things right than wrong and encouraged. I thought I would feel like I was messing it all up but I'm not. Thank you!

I thoroughly enjoyed listening to all of this. Very enriching conversation from you guys. Cue 11:46: I stopped, dropped what I was doing, turned and looked at the phone and went "DAYUM". BAM. Truth. So good.

Oooooo this was gooood ❤️ I like the Unique Pairing idea.

Love the honest and open discussions you guys have! And so great to go back and dissect what went wrong as it gives so much growth opportunity! Life is a great adventure with never ending learning.....

Unique pairings sounds really positive and I've just realised that as a mum parenting alone I do not prioritise enough time in the day to focus on myself, so some strengths I had which were my unique pairings such as 'fitness funtime' or 'dancing feelgood' literally don't happen. What do you recommend for mothers who are literally focusing about 60 percent of time on their children's lives; school runs, packed lunches, teaching, inspiring, growing, friendships and basics, life tools. In short, a mother without a fellow parent is literally having to give up on at least a couple of unique pairings in order to function because there is nobody in UK society to pick up the slack if a mum decides to focus on herself. I was in a relationship with a lovely guy, we found life even more difficult trying to manage his two children as well as my two...so that eventually broke us for many reasons to do with our inability to be our unique selves. Our unique selves had to be second to being chefs, managers and cleaners for 4 kids which took up literally the entire weekend and exhausted us! By Monday I'd be sat alone after school drop off thinking omg I'm just too shattered to focus on anything for myself right now! So I wait patiently for them to grow up 🤣🤓😳 I mean none of your insights yet mention parenting or break ups during parenting, or the affects to the individual who is left parenting as their isolated responsibility; financially and mentally physically emotionally and spiritually. I cope but I'm definitely not reaching my original unique experience levels. It's like I landed in the midst of an unmade puzzle and only i can solve it. I have someone spe ial I'd like to date but again, he has currently been thrown a shit storm and is having to focus on parenting over his own unique pairings.

It’s a bit of variety yeah? I feel that I’m definitely often the one who got away bc I’ve got so many facets that you will find in no one else. I know when to lean in and when to pull away. It’s a tango, a total art. This is for both men and women. What I needed to hear from this that I didn’t have in my tool box is that I’m not entitled to that Hollywood perfect love. It doesn’t even exist and wouldn’t be healthy. I have attracted very toxic people bc I held this standard. I’m not owed some flawless connection right off the bat. I also need to be willing to let that person at least have some cards in the game before writing them off. Especially when I do it based on fears. Thank you for you work.

I'm always amazed at how much Matthew thinks like me. He's also ambitious like me.. but he really kniws how to make sure he follows through

Hitting the nail on the head

Great interview...very enlightening

A great conversation!!!

Know yourself well enough to be able to communicate your needs and how you experience the other but in a way that is helpful for both parties.

Excellent topic!

I just love both of them

This is one of my favourite videos you’ve ever created

Thank you for sharing honestly!

If someone is calling you "boring" is because they are unhappy internally and cannot generate that happiness from whithin... so they try to find a "man" who is happy in order to extract that thing from the relationship and their partner thats why with time you became "boring" because at some point you got exhausted trying to be "more" for the other person standars while in reallity they had to be "more" for themselves. Happiness is personal responsibility - she didnt have a life outside of you - so its easy to blame you, and its not right for you Matthew to be so self-critical about it. Yes you maybe should have been more nurturing towards the relationship but in general I dont see how, you can fill fundamental pit in someone else. So what Im trying to say is if "as a woman" you dont have those quality's (passion advanterous etc) if you find yourself boring - the relationship will be a mirror for you - and you will blame the person for the same things you dislike about yourself... PEACE!

I absolutely love what Matthew is saying here. So PERFECT! This is a generation of Entitlement. He audience are those who go to business seminars, because they want to learn. We need to know what the heck we are doing. It's not enough to have confidence, we need competence. Love it Matthew 🤗👊💯🤙👍

Matt is a genius !

I just love this guy's view AF... ❤❤❤

I would rather have someone be themselves than try to be someone they are not to try to impress me. Are they going to stay that person forever? Probably not. Be yourself, someone will love you for YOU.

After for children and a couple years to recoup the desire was there !!!❤️

I'm crying with this!!

just realise I'm coming to listen to him because I enjoy the way he's talking - so well organized speech. If it will be about the most boring stuff like paying taxes, i'll sill listen. need more good speakers. gonna find more

Matt is so full of life. He has such a dynamic fun personality. Gosh what cutting feedback to be told he was boring. Glad he processed it and it is now usable material for his story.

I think you just described me and I had no idea that you would. This was found right at 7:35 mark and beyond. I have exercised one trait to the point of mutation and it caused other parts of me to atrophy. Now to figure out how to change.

Good for you to be open to the feedback.

That was so good! 100% agree.

Loved this ❤️

This is gold. ⭐️

I hope all men watch this during quarantine.. It would give me some hope for my lovelife post-Covid

So true I agree

I'm 1 tracked like you, Everything is obsessed about 1 thing and I love it. The only thing is I feel boring and want to be enough "excitement" But I don't want to be, How do you be 2 or 3 dimensional and be spontanious and live life

Matthew , your hair colour in this video is really great ; first thing I noticed here- I am so busy with so many different spontaneous things every day , but I make sure my pro bono wire hair terrier I walk him every day and today walked to shops for first time in s while and he met my friend Tshidi (she is Sotho) again which was great❗I look forward to meeting my same match ❗I think like attracts like ♥♥

Matt is so spot on….

Oh wow this one is a gem 💎

lol good point I had this issue. After creating my first online dating profile, I had someone msg me and say I enjoyed reading your resume :p

Super advice matty👌

Carl Jung once said that as a general rule a particularly beautiful woman is a terrible disappointment. That is because women pretend to be someone they’re not in order to gain the attention of men. At some point the makeup and heels come off and the best behavior is gone. You can pretend to be someone you’re not but at some point it will catch up with you. And since real relationships are based on trust, that relationship will be over. It’s vulnerable and humbling to be authentic with someone for the very reason that they may not want to be with you but honestly, it’s better to be alone than in a relationship where someone is in love with the fake façade you created instead of you.

Oh my lord. Love it

Women now have more options of being independent instead of depending on a men for many things. Right now women that can be in a relationship because they want rather than because they need to.

It’s easy to start having a crush on this relationship coach! 😄

Very useful insights and an intriguing peep into popular culture in the 21st century😀

Too many people just attract to the appearance, deep inside even a prince just an ordinary guy, I really fed up learning dating skills, that’s so stupid to trick a guy fall in love, love should be the bloody true and nature, I don’t do anything to please men, he doesn’t love you no matter how nice you are, he put up staying with u but not forever, only he loves you he will stay, no skills

I m so thrilled to have comprehension of this content at 22

Ambitious yes...but Women need to feel Loved!

I love this video. I watched it a couple of times now. we all need to asking ourselves " I am X (quality) AND ____?"

Thank you for you made a nice video.

Desire lived in the place between two people... oooh I love it

the interviewer's like "dang. enlightenment"

I so agree with this.

I think this advice applies to both man and women

Wow that was brave of you!!

This video itself has the "And" factor. How to better yourself in a relationship AND also what to look for in a partner.

Now I see what was wrong with my last relationship, exactly the same! Thanks Matthew! and you are not boring anymore, by the way. You are my favorite (from the mentor house).

Exactly. Some men are nice but incredibly boringggggg.😴 so it is about a balance of both.. and not to focus and overuse your strength..

Uhh it was all about him. His work his ambition his path his goals. BORING yes that is how some women loose themselves they give up their wants and needs to the man's world. Happiness is in sharing somethings, activitues, events and projects together.

I am finding that my confidence can be affected by the apparent "mountain" that I am told to climb as a man, that constant and daily "What will I do better today than yesterday to keep this relationship alive as it's all down to the man to keep this going" mentality, if I am right. I wouldn't have a relationship where I would need to keep looking over my shoulder where I could "slip up" at any moment with the slightest detail "missed" and then she's gone, just because. In amongst this, surely the couple will be reasonably content and happy with what they have together without the need for daily "I want to keep him/her" games?

Wow what you said about the edgy nice guy that’s literally is the guy I’m dating. Plus he isn’t afraid to be vulnerable and takes things slow. I was addicted to him for a while thank God I’m over that. Plus he makes me laugh all the time and is extremely weird but in a good way. ☺️

Did you ever hear, the thing you love most about the person in the beginning is what u hate at the end.