Dr. Henry Cloud | How To Set Boundaries 

My counselor (many years ago) used the book 'Boundaries' in my counseling. Greatest book I've ever used except for the Bible!

Boundaries are about taking care of our heart, mind and soul. Thank you for explaining it this way!

“Boundaries are taking care of your own heart, mind and soul.” ❤️❤️❤️ Perfection.

I'm glad to see someone teaching clearly about boundaries. I often feel that in school, and in society in general we lack good teaching of this topic, and often we are not taught how to set boundaries in our childhood by our parents. We are so often told to love and forgive, and be nice to people, without being told that we don't necessarily need to trust, be around people who take us for granted or abuse us, or set healthy boundaries in any other way as we feel is necessary. I like the picture of having a boundary around your home, it makes it very clear.

I read your boundaries and chose healing books. Your books helped me deal with my toxic self, family, and friends. I thank God I found your book through a friend she recommended. I cannot stop reading and listening to the audiobook as well. My trauma of going through the killing field of Cambodia and life as a teenager in the United States was not easy and now learning how to deal with 3rd world mindsets parents. So I needed all the help to stay in faith and align with God’s word. So thank you thank you thank you!

I love how you used property lines and a neighborhood as a metaphor to boundaries with people around us. Made it easier to remember and understand.

Two eye opening verses for me since discovering boundaries, "Look well to yourself [to your own personality] and to [your] teaching; persevere in these things [hold to them], for by so doing you will save both yourself and those who hear you." 1 Timothy 4:16 (Amplified Bible) "Now every athlete who goes into training conducts himself temperately and restricts himself in all things." 1 Corinthians 9:25 (Amplified Bible) Bless you Dr. Cloud!! 🙌 👍 💪 👌

Compassion for others and wholesome relationships with boundaries

understanding the subject of the boundaries is sooo valuable! Thank you dr. Cloud for not getting tired explaning it!!

Dr. Cloud, thank you again in your pursuit of giving of your good nature and cheerfulness to lift those with broken hearted issues. Maybe it is self- disappointment. Forgiving ourselves. Developing a second-wind.. courage to stay in goodly community. You are speaking my language. saying no to depression and moving on.❤ thanks. This is healing.

I love Dr. Cloud's energy admonishing us to "Own and develop your own property!" Develop yourselves, get help, dream dreams! Thanks for being a great neighbor!!

My issue with this book is that the people who’ve read it too often distort the original meaning of boundaries in a way to bully and gain control over others. The purpose behind boundaries is that it's a way of taking care of ourselves, but a lot of the time it leads to just self-isolation. This has just been my experience with people who have read this book. It's rare to see people actually applying what the book teaches. They are hurt or mad at someone; often times the other person doesn't even know said person is upset. Read this book and find the justification they were looking for: "Your cut off for good".

Love your simplicity and applicability of what you teach, and of course showing the biblical aspect

Needed this today. Thank you and Amen

This is such an important message! Thanks for sharing.

This is great. I need to listen to this over and over until I get it in my spirit and actually practice it. Thank You Dr. Cloud for this Illustration.

Dr Cloud! What a great name!

This is such a GREAT ANALOGY

This was very effective, thank you so much for sharing.

Great analogy, that will help remembering this when needed! Thank you so much!

I so wish I could join this course. I need this so much with my elderly Momma as well as my young son.

My therapist recommended your book but it’s on back order where I ordered it from so she suggested to me to check You tube and wow…. how grateful I am that she did because Its really helped listening to you as u teach on boundaries and I can’t wait to get my book too bc I knw it’s as amazing as ur teaching is on here. Thank you sir Fr sharing your knowledge with us and helping people like me to protect my mind heart & sound by creating boundaries! I will also be checkg Fr some of your other teachings on here too! Again Thank you very much. ☺️

This is great!! Currently using it in our sober living facility through our church.

Excellent. You’ve pointed out the necessary elements of successful relationships.

🙏❤amen, love, and take care of heart, mind , soul, spiritual parts too. Thank you Dr. Cloud

Thank you SO much for this

Thanks for this helpful visual!

Allelujah the unique place for me now because I have been getting better with my own life now living knowing that I am glad to be active here in the home of my choice. Thank you for being here for sharing my property value with me clearly.

Amazing video! So enlightening!

This was super helpful. Thank you

This video was great 👍 thank you

Perfect explanation!!!

So good!

Dear sir 🙏 Today I read your book "Boundaries" it's really amazing book. It's my experience with some pages. Thank you sir it's video is very helpful for world who want to change our life.🙏🙏

I came to know you through the book 'boundaries'. I am so into it.

To set boundaries is to love yourself and others. Thank you so much, Dr. Cloud!!

Excellent illustration

Excellent video and presentation.

Dr. Cloud, what a great video about boundaries! Your illustration is worth a thousand words, and makes the concept very good. We were on the same wavelength as I covered this material on my channel too, but you did a better job lol. Great video - keep up the amazing content!

Very grateful

Thank you!

So true.

Wow Very very good!

Thank you!❤

I love this

Found the videos easier to listen to then the audible boundries

Thanks

Was trying to learn how to set boundaries (Psychologically) dk even why did I end up here

Do u have a website for me to learn appropriate boundaries please? Or training

cheers neighbour

how could I get this book of boundaries please,I need it most

This is a wonderful book Can u plz plz plz translate this to malyalam n email us

The tree fell on my property, and they are irresponsible and not removing the tree. How do you make them take care of it ?

Why do you need a credit card to provide a free trial?

What if the "neighbor" is your wife of 42 years? How do you set boundaries in a godly marriage where two have become one?

If any tree should bear bad fruit, how can anyone wake him up {back flip}.

Dive dive dive

As If my kids know boundaries..😂😂😂 .. it's very sad 😢😢😢.. can't bend the branch now...

🧡

How to learn boundaries after being so boundaryless for so long? It’s tough how to tell a mother she is in fault of this

What about neighbors who make loud noises and don't change their behavior? I used to live next one such person and I made it clear to him I did not care for his loud music and singing, especially at night (and I also mean during the night, when he even had his band over for practice performances). I found it obnoxious behavior and it felt like my boundaries were crossed (trampled) every day. The man even literally crossed the property boundary and trampled some of my garden plants, at which I was very upset. I told him to get off my property. At considerable cost to my financial situation and personal belongings, I sold the house eventually when I couldn't endure it any longer. My anxiety was through the roof. I do not tolerate anyone who has no respect for someone else's reasonable boundaries. I think I finally respected myself by leaving. Unfortunately, it cost me a great deal giving up my own property, the house; and since that time I am renting and have to spend way more than I would like. Rent costs are very steep. It was very much cheaper to live in the house, but there was no peace there. I do know I was too ... nice when complaining and I did not complain every day, but I am not a very assertive person. I was, however, very clear to him his noise caused me great discomfort and loss of sleep, which interfered with my job. The noise remained a recurring thing, though. I even had called on mediators to hopefully fix the situation. That also didn't work. The police I called on multiple occasions never showed up. Calling the police was even very stressful to me. I knew the situation would probably escalate then, making it truly impossible to live there; it would start to feel like a war zone. Someone can make noise, then stop at any time, making it hard for authorities to check on. I have learned that you can either accept something or work constantly to find a solution for the thing that is unacceptable to you, but it's a very bad thing to not accept something and know there is no solution possible and in effect stay in that situation. I tried to cope with the noise for years. It was very bad. I really would like people's thoughts about this, so I can learn more. The video mentions other examples, such as a big tree that is leaning over a fence (a literal boundary) and one day crashes into the garden it does not belong in. I have heard of people who do not take care to control their property. For such things there are rules written down and they can be enforced. There are TV programs dedicated to such conflicts as trees hanging over and people fighting with each other over this. I guess it's for drama's sake. There are worse things than a branch hanging over a fence, but who am I to judge. The branch could snap one day and fall on a child. No one is laughing then. Many of these things are in a sort of gray area; what some find normal, others get driven mad by it.

Truly enriching content. I read a similar book that was a catalyst for my growth. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn

I don't need this I know boundaries.. the people who need it don't read it..

So if I am married and 2 have become 1 where did my boundaries go? Thats where I am stuck. My wife "thinks" that as we are 1 I must have her boundaries and she can run ruff shot over mine because we are one. Doesn't seem right or fair to me. Lost here !!! The old saying what's yours is mine and what's mine is none of your business.

A boundary without a consequence is useless. It's like saying "I'm not going to let you shout at me anymore." and the other person goes "Guess what? I'm shouting at you anyway". And so now you end up confused. You set a boundary, they refused to follow it, so now what? Do I give up? Of course not. Remember, boudnaries come in two parts: the setting, and the enforcing. You've set the boundary by telling them what it is you will not accept. Now you have to do the enforcing, and that means pairing the violation of a boundary with a corrresponding consequence. The simplest consequence is non-participation. Once someone engages in a problematic behavior, do not participate. It doesn't mean you remove the person from your life automatically and permanently. It just means you stop participating in the problem behavior, and once they show you a different behavior, you participate again. So if someone starts shouting at you, you say "I'm not participating in a shouting at match. I will have to leave for now". If someone starts making fun of your religion or politics, you say "I'm not participating in this mockery, I will leave for now". Or when an unreputable relative tries borrowing money, you say "I will not lend it".

What do you do when you have lost control of your own boundary?

I am trying to form boundaries with my husband that had an affair. I set boundaries before we got married. We both agreed no strip clubs or obviously affairs. He broke them all. He had an 2 year affair with a women from a bar and I am trying to move past this and trying to rebuild trust. My boundaries are no bars it’s a major trigger for me. How can I set that as a boundary?

I don't work on the sabbath, this includes housework. My roommate insists on washing my dishes when I leave them in the kitchen. It's only one day a week. I'm extremely tidy every other day. It offends me that they can't leave my mess alone honestly. How do I deal with my emotions around this?

You can be phone friends with people and not feel guilty

Jesus and Dr Cloud by day. Jesus and Dr cloud + fire 🔥 by night. Thank you so much for being such a wonderful witness for our Lord Jesus Christ 🙏😅🐣

make Russian translation

I can’t find anything that’s scientifically proven or natural dynamics, I’m not hating on religion but, I need to find facts based on generic dynamics not religious based

999-trillion oceans of grief - 999-trillion oceans of rage - 999-trillion endless PTSD flashbacks - I CAN NO LONGER BEAR THIS TORTURE I'm dying on the inside he raped my soul. he gave me SEVERE PTSD. SEVERE SEVERE SEVERE!!! and now he's gone. I blocked him. I want to die. how and when will I ever heal from the PTSD flashbacks? nothing more horrific and debilitating and paralyzing than the PTSD flashbacks. the man I revered as my best friend, betrayed and abandoned me, and discarded me like garbage, and replaced me with another. this happened at the start of last year (2023), we're now in 2024, and I'm nowhere near healed. I want to die. I can no longer tolerate the pain. the emotional pain is hell. I hate my life. I am tortured and tormented with every breath I take. RAGE RAGE RAGE I want to die I want to die I want to die I can no longer bear the darkness it consumes me; suffocates me I am drowning oceans of tears the man I revered as my best friend, he raped me, replaced me, discarded me like last week's garbage... ultimate betrayal!! this grief and loneliness... they rape me; torture me; on a soul level my only prayer is for death I'm in hell and I can't find escape God has forsaken me my whole life I've been tortured, bullied, abused, raped all I do is suffer my life is hell SO NOW, IN HOPES TO HEAL, AND TO CHANGE MY LIFE AROUND, I LIVE BY THIS MODUS OPERANDI: When there’s a disagreement, when I need to say YES or when I need to say NO, when I need to state my needs, and ask for them to be met... When I need to create boundaries... There's a possibility and a probability, that someone will inevitably, most likely, be disappointed in me... So I engage in every encounter, interaction, and relationship... In a way that ensures, that the person disappointed in me... NEVER ends up being me! I aim to never repress, never suppress. I aim to never lose a part of myself. Radical honesty only: 100% of the time. Always, all ways. AND IN THE FUTURE, I WILL REMEMBER, THESE ARE GREEN FLAGS: 1. They have a pattern of taking their own and other's feelings seriously 2. The sharing they're doing is appropriate to the context of the relationship 3. They've been receptive to small vulnerabilities in the past 4. The vulnerability balance between the two of you is roughly equal 5. They are aware of how their vulnerability may impact you 6. They have a history of being firm and kind in asserting their boundaries 7. They are aware of their boundaries and are able to reinforce them in real time 8. They tell you that they are open to you sharing with them (and they mean it!) 9. They have a self-care plan in place

"Your neighbor wants to come over & give you some cherry pie..." Okay "...or love" O-kay "Or hell" Uhhh... I'm good

Set boundaries in a church setting as well & don't allow yourself to be fooled by false teaching & preaching that's full of Legalism, Control & Manipulation

Clickbait

Why do you speak as if to kindergartners?

I ❤️ ur book on Boundaries bcos I hv had plenty of trouble w pple who hv NO boundaries. I was once falsely accused of “stealing” my best friend’s bf who actually wasn’t her bf at all… I actually found tt guy v sleazy & didn’t want to be in a relship w him at all. Despite my best fren bad-mouthing me to her frens which is PURE SLANDER, I forgave her. She went on decades later to hv an affair w a married man & expected me to be supportive of her. She wanted to tell me all the sordid details about their adulterous relship thru a whatsapp call & I told her point blank tt I had zero interest in listening to her love story for tt married man. The worst part of our frenship is how she made me look like the bad guy when I simply refused to indulge in her reminiscing of her adulterous love affair. I always drew my boundaries & she always make me out to b the bad guy. Tts a toxic relship for me & I am v glad tt I am no longer in contact w her. Drawing boundaries DO attract SAFER pple into ur life & one shd always trust God to eliminate e chaff fr the substance. I was there for her when she broke down over the breakdown of tt adulterous relship but to hv to listen to the nitty gritty of how tt relship developed n all e lovey dovey stuff they did together just brought nausea to my gut & I drew my boundaries right there n then. Now she makes me out to b the bad guy who is nvr a good listener to her frens. GREAT! Good riddance!!!👍🙏

So good!

❤