Drama Triangle and Breaking Away 

Thank you for joining me and please feel free to suggest any topics you might like me to cover in future livestreams

Your voice is very soothing. About ‘the rescuer’… I know someone who has a friend group and she is the ‘mother figure’ in it. She loves that role. The feeling of being needed. I found her very annoying because she was constantly implying she knew ‘what was best’. Found it quite grandiose and felt it to be a superiority complex masked as ‘do-gooder’!

Some time ago I started looking at responsibility as “the ability to respond “. I can CHOOSE my response. It means taking a deep breath stepping into third position and observing what’s going on and taking responsibility to choose a role, and better if assertive, questioning and possibly just leaving

32:37 yes. They ARE the persecutors, AND play the altruistic victim, AND push me into the victim role, the poor me that ‘needs help’ because I am so worthless, AND I have to RESCUE them, because THEY are innocent ‘helpers’. It’s so insidious, so toxic, and good luck with explaining it to anyone.

As I’m becoming aware of this Drama triangle dynamic, and trying to step out - I’ve noticed that our 14-yr old son, who is rather unkind/disrespectful to the rest of the house (typically the Persecutor) has become quite resistant lately, refusing to take responsibility for just about anything. It’s hard to be around, but I’m trying to stick with staying neutral; trying to trust that things are indeed (🙏🏼) shifting for the better.

I like your style of presenting information. It's practical and neutral and not a bunch of gimmicks to endure longsuffering. I was happy to see you making videos with Jay Reid because his presentation style gets to the source, or beginning of the abuse dilemma and helps to resolve things that for many has never been put into words.

I was entrenched in the victim role for many years and am still finding my way out. My narcissistic mother wanted me in victim mode so she could feign caring for me. But this "caring" was really a way for her to manipulate and control me. It's interesting because recently I have struggled (and not always succeeded) to avoid being a victim with someone whom I have sensed is a caretaker. (The topic in this video is hard for me to understand, but it seems helpful, after all!)

Thank you Darren for tackling this topic! My experience of the drama triangle is two fold: on the long term, the narcissist in my life would be the persecutor to me, the rescuer to those who witnessed the abuse and the victim to everyone else. But during a full blown narcissistic rage, he would go around all three roles at dizzying speed. What I observed is that if you want out of this dance, you need to be precisely that: an observer radically accepting that all three roles are toxic. Stop fixing, stop resenting and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Then you are free to focus your energy, time and love on goals and people worthwhile.

Narcissist-their Borderline partner-Codependent 3rd wheel. I've been there many times thanks to the example set by my family system. Its important to know the "Victim" is a self-victim who chooses the "Persecutor" who is just an abusive, oblivious victim of themselves - who needs the others to wrong them so they can justify their narcissism and narcissistic abuse. The Borderline moves from role to role because of their fractured Self and the Codependent will assume whatever role the Boderline wants to their own detriment .

Thanks Darren, I could really relate to this topic. My family and partner seem to always look to me to be their rescuer, growing up as a scapegoat and people pleaser I've learned it's a role I probably easily fall into. I can see how I tend to move around that triangle. Looking forward to learning more about narc siblings. ❤🖖

Good night sir.i always see ur channel it's so much knowledgeable.

Maybe how triangulation causes insecurity, envy and isolation in trying to please and comply in an abusive toxic relationship. Ty

Wow! Family AND Work! 😳 Thank you, very, very informative. 👍🍀

Great video, thank you!

I can't stand the rescuer I know. He's not rescuing me, but he's definitely doing the negative things to someone else you mentioned. I think he's having a mid life crisis or something and doesn't want to be alone.

We can hear you!

Thanks a lot, I have been a rescuer all my life, now I know better thank you!

You've got the mic right next to your papers, and it almost blows my ears out when you shuffle with them, I use headphones. It's really annoying. I did like the video, but please, put the mic somewhere else, or at least listen back to your video, and fix the volume. You can do that with a Video editing software.

Yes I can hear you

Man who even is moving around it makes a lot so noise on the mic

I can hear you!

How do you stop going the unconscious thing then I don’t even know when I’m doing something

Yes

Is this codependency?