Emotional Neglect: What Most Therapists Don’t Know and How to Find One Who Does | Dr. Jonice Webb 

AHHH!! Just realised something. I now realise why very strong feelings make me feel panicky!! It's because whenever I was upset or angry I just wanted to feel validated but most of the time I was ignored.

Seen on an emotional level ha. Wouldn't that be magical

This explains why I always wanted my last therapist to validate my emotions or remind me of anything good in me but she rarely did. At times I even felt accused instead of understood. No wonder I felt like therapy was retraumatizing. Thank you so much for your work.

Thank you for your information. I am in my 75th year and have been struggling for so many years. I feel I have found what has been missing in my life at last!

Some things you can’t learn from a textbook. Maybe you have to experience it to have enough empathy to truly get it. I find narcissistic abuse the same many psychologists learn it in a textbook but have never experience living in a relationship with a narcissist.

Thank you. It’s been awful cycling through therapists that I begged to help me with my “childhood stuff” and they just weren’t equipped. Made some progress but always hit plateaus because we could not do meaningful work going that far back into my early life. IFS helped but this is IT ❤

I'm 50 sec in and ask the Q, "why is it so hard to find a therapist who really understands" ANYTHING?!?! I've been to over a dozen over the years, & they all do the same- knod their head, saying, "Mm hm, Mmhm, mhmh,... come back in 2 wks", and nothing ever gets done! I swear, if I could go back to college, I'd major in psych because I can't figure what these people do to get paid!

Thank you so much for this video! It does take a highly skilled therapist to be able to help somebody out of the pits of CEN and its symptoms. My first therapist only knew a "diluted" version of CEN/CPTSD. I badly needed to feel self-empowered and all the problems I was bringing to the table indicated that I didn't have any boundaries or any sense of self regulation. Back then I lacked the vocabulary to say it like this, but the signs were there so all I could say was, "I feel out of control". His response was, "nobody is in control". I remember feeling baffled, not relieved. He was not able to look deeper into me. That can be dangerously misleading, because it can make people think their core-trauma and symptomatic behavior is "normal" and they can feel enabled to continue act out. After getting help from another therapist and doing my own self-work, I think what my original therapist should have said was, "nobody is in control, but we owe it to ourselves to atleast be in control of ourselves". It would have opened a dialog on how to self-actualize and develop agency. I'm glad I followed my instincts and continued in my pursuit to find a better therapist. It's bad enough kids like me who have CEN/CPTSD sorta become alexythmic to our own feelings, even worse if the therapist also is clueless (like the way our parents were as how you mentioned)

I am so happy to have stumbled onto your videos. Currently working on trying to find a therapist and am reading your book. It is never too late to change your life. So excited to finally figure out why I have felt this way & have had such a difficult time in my life forging relationships. Thank you so much Dr. Webb.....you are a life saver!!!

I always learn something new; thank you. I am a very sensitive person who has way too much empathy and compassion for others and will put my own needs aside to help others. That is not a good thing and is often not good for me. Your comment about a parent who ignored your needs to be heard brought to mind something that happened when I was about 4-5 years old. My mother always brushed me aside because she was "busy", always busy. I wanted a kitty and she kept telling me no. I remember going outside and sitting on the front steps to think, and I remember telling myself I wanted a kitty so I'd have someone who would love just me because I didn't understand why my mother didn't care about me at all. In very short time a kitty wandered into our yard and I fell in love. I had that kitty for maybe a year or two when some kids I was playing with said they saw a dead kitty. I hadn't seen my kitty for a couple days and I knew, I just knew. Sadly, I was right. I was devastated. My dad knew how much I loved that kitty, so on one of his trips hauling cattle to either Wyoming or Montana he found a little yellow kitty and brought that kitty home in the cab of his truck. I was SO happy to get that kitty and had her for several years and was better able to handle her loss when I was an early teen. Even though my dad wasn't home much, he seemed to know what I needed and was always happy to spend time with me. That is the blessing in this story. Thank you again for what you share with us.

Thank you, Dr. Jonice! 🙏 Your specialty speaks to my specific experiences, and I feel so seen & heard thru your videos-the RU-vid algorithm almost always “gets” me to a T, as well! 😊 I’m 48 1/2, and have always self-soothed. Fortunately, as an introvert w/ varied interests, I’ve always pursued anything that I felt called to explore, but it’s in interpersonal situations where I perfunctorily defer to other people’s needs, already understanding or anticipating that my needs will never be met by others. I do recognize whenever there are kind, emotionally-available people, but they’re also like unicorns 🦄 for those of us who’ve been dealt the karmic hand of almost-exclusively only encountering narcissistic, or at the very least, very wounded people. I’ve always journaled, where I could spill out each & every thought that required expression, so that allowed me to develop self-awareness and the ability to articulate my feelings. It wasn’t until about 5 years ago that I finally understood how THINKING one’s feelings aren’t the same as actually FEELING them in one’s body-once I allowed myself to be compassionate towards myself and feel the effects grief of lifelong abuse & neglect from within my body, the CPTSD triggers dissolved. I’d always used food as my drug of choice (my body wouldn’t allow for anything more toxic than that), and once I allowed myself to cry it all out over a period of time, I didn’t need to numb my feelings anymore, because I was no longer experiencing those pain triggers-this was the 2nd to last frontier of my healing journey. My FINAL frontier (the one I’m currently in) is SELF-CARE. I’m progressively improving in my ability to not self-sabotage, and to be mindful of everything I do that doesn’t honor my well-being. For me, CONSISTENT SLEEP is a challenge, but the body becomes less forgiving to neglect, once in middle age, so it’s both the carrot & stick that incentivize and accelerate my progress. 😂 I’ve almost dialed in the exercise/movement aspect (YAY!! 🎉), which I’ve always struggled with. I don’t overeat anymore, but am still trying to optimize the diet that’s ideal for my body-getting close, though. I watch a lot of narcissistic abuse education vids, and now recognize the nuances of what constitutes abuse (particularly early warning signs), and have learned to stop dismissing my gut feelings, which are ALWAYS on point. I love your work…my first introduction to it was yesterday, and I think I’m about 3 or 4 videos in now-I add more to my queue, as they show up in the suggestions. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for your dedication to this particular niche of therapy, and healing the wounded but beautiful souls all around the world! ❤️‍🩹 🌍 😘

I cannot understand why most Psychiatrist would not know neglect, when studying basic psychology integrates mind-body already. Childhood trauma pretty much affects most mind-body illnesses

My therapist suggested your book to me and we have been working on different things so far. It’s so hard doing the work and still discouraging. But I’m so thankful for the information you share and that I’m not the only one who struggles with this

I’m so glad I came across your videos. This has helped me so much! ❤ I feel like I wasn’t allowed to have negative emotions as a child. I don’t think my parents even know who I am as a person. I was expected to change who I was in order to “fit” into their life. I’m just now diving into identifying myself.

Dr Webb, Thank you for these videos! Please keep them coming. I'm learning a lot.

This series came at just the right time for me!

Can you talk about the correlation between borderline personality disorder and CEN?

Thank you for that encouragement or inspiration--healing on my own.

I noticed you encourage us to comment but don't see that you acknowledge or comments. You're content is so so helpful and validating.

Thank you! Your books on CEN have been life changing for hubby & for me. Bless you! ❤

Because of your videos, I am learning more and more about who I am. I have not "found" the right therapist yet, but now I know what questions to ask my therapist in our next session. That way we both can have a better understanding as to how to go about treatment... It makes sense in my head. Thank you for your videos, Dr. Jonice Webb; these last few days of watching your videos has been the "freshest breath of air" I have had in a long time.

Learn more about how Childhood Emotional Neglect happens, what makes it so unmemorable, and how to heal yourself with my FREE CEN Breakthrough Series: bit.ly/cenchallenge6 To find out if you grew up with CEN, take the Emotional Neglect test. It’s free: bit.ly/entest To discover much more about how to gain the skills you missed due to Childhood Emotional Neglect check out my bestselling book, Running on Empty, for just $10: bit.ly/runningonemptybook Find out more about Emotional Neglect at: www.emotionalneglect.com.

These videos are amazing. Will they be left on you tube for life or a limited time only?

God bless you Jonice!!!!!

Thank you for helping me get more out of my therapy experiences Pointing out the topics and questions I will ask her today will help us grow together 😄🤪 😀

Thank you so much! 🙏🙏🙏

Over here in the UK l don't think there are any therapist who even know about it.

Jonice your audio only comes through one of your channels for all your videos.

I can't find the list here. Therapy is too expensive here in New Zealand.

I know it’s me but I can’t seem to find that list of therapist anywhere here or a link on your website. Can you help me out?

🙏

What is the website?

Sorry to be negative - but no counsellors/psychologists trained in your methods in PORTUGAL - nearest one is Madrid, Spain.

It's difficult to find a therapist... because psychology is a joke. Your average therapist got their degree after studying SPSS and doing a dissertation using quantitative analysis so that they could get the prestige of the letters "BSc". They then go on to tick every single box on psychologytoday. When you think about it, it's no wonder that "self identification" is so popular now! Well, after 20 adult years of searching, here I am.

This was helpful.