Dr. Jonice Webb, a clinical psychologist, talks about the topic of her book: Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN). CEN is an invisible force from childhood which weighs upon people as adults. It causes people to feel disconnected and unfulfilled in adulthood, and to struggle with emotional awareness and understanding. Dr. Webb wrote her book, "Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect" to help people learn about this largely overlooked, but very powerful factor.
Correct. i am 68,..mother died when i was 7, she was around 37, or 38. (She had rheumatic fever, as a young girl )) She was a teacher, grade 6. Taught our oldest brother. Dad farmed. Married, 2 years later. (November 65) I was, emotionally l o s t. No same relationship, with step-mom. She often times, gave us hell, for playing with frogs in the cattle water trough. Wandered around the fields, pastures, shooting gophers ; knocking over old dead trees. Rafting on a very large slough..... Failed grade 1. Had 2nd highest class average, in grade 5. (1968). Got engaged, in mid 1977. Broke up, April, 79. Went trucking ; day and night, for 5 years. Had 2 semis ; but not at the same time. Never ever married. Had a few relationships, from 1981-83. Failed at all. Still single - probly don't have those ' skills ' you mentioned. Poor dad, worked his bu* off, to provide, and he D I D. Just never had time, for us kids. I am , in age-wise, 4 of 5. 3 older, 1 younger. Your probably correct, on ALL those points. I don't / cannot ' blame ' anyone. Life happens, death is PART of it. Please, folks, GIVE YOUR TIME, TO YOUR OFF - SPRING - BE THE BEST LISTENER, YOU CAN BE. Just keep your ' mouth shut ' = They'll l o v e you, alot much later. Thank - you, Dr Jonice Webb '' what the world, needs now, is l o v e sweet love.....''' old song. Good Morning Starshine....etc. ....A huge, hug and thank - you, to all watching / listening / learning about this - most of the planet, NEEDS THERAPY.....one version, or another. '' Out of rehab....but....still in denial. ''
I struggled so much with my mom i felt i was never happy and i knew from a young age i was alone she would've let me or siblings do anything and when i developed my own personality She was always coming down hitting verbal abuse and as an adult everyone I've met in my life whether it be therapists/counsellors or randoms have all said they see the great happy person that i so struggle to be still today i never laugh and rarely smile i feel it was taken and i just don't know how to act or who i am still.
One of my earliest memories is taking my dad to a corner as a 3 yea old child, asking him if I was adopted. Everyone laughed at my question every time I asked that. Over years, up to age 10, I literally thought I was invisible in family. I didn’t grow up in US, so this American value of being tough didn’t exist in my culture. I definitely have a lot of deep shame tho
I wish someone could show an actual dialogue of what it looks like to ruin the peace of the moment by bringing up problems that affect only me but require other people to change to make me happy, and somehow the dialogue turns out well in the end without permanent damage to the relationship. Because I can't even conceptualize what that would look like. Hearing that it's my responsibility to do this, and that I need to just do it doesn't help. It feels like someone telling me that i just need to go ahead and drink gasoline. I just would never, ever do this nor imagine it turning out well. Like, how does that not come across as "me, me, me"?
I have lived most of my life now. I am retired and resigned to living the way I always have. I grew up in chaos and fear. No one ever hugged me or said I love you. I raised myself. My father was gone soon after I was born and we moved constantly. I learned to try to be invisible so I could avoid trouble. I learned very very early how to take care of myself. I have always preferred to be alone to avoid conflicts. I can't really relate to normal people.
When I was a kid, I developed an “empathic” peraonality, making sure everyone "felt right" and was functioning in their "rightful position,” within the family structure. So in other words, on an emotional level, I learned to value, “how others feel” more than how I feel. I also remember needing to be vigilant in my duty to manage how others felt toward me, which was not my responsibility to manage at all. I’m grateful to now recognize that it’s actually impossible to manage other people’s emotions effectively and that I need to focus on managing my own emotions. It’s good to be on this path and thank you for your assistance! 🙂
I’ve known for a long time I tend to overextend myself, but lately I’m feeling it even more strongly. I’m about to turn 40 and am in the busiest season I’ve ever been in - I feel like I’m a robot going around accomplishing tasks 24/7. I’ve always been athletic and fairly fit but I’ve found myself slipping in my self discipline of working out and eating healthy and I don’t know why. I think I’m just running on fumes at this point. Really trying to make it a point to figure out what things I can get off my plate so I’ll have more margin in my life. But I have to get better at saying no and potentially disappointing people. I’ve gone through a ton of codependency recovery stuff but still have work to do.
Childhood Emotional Neglect/CEN - Happens when my parents did not respond to my feelings enough as they raised me. - This leaves an indelible stamp on me for my lifetime that: 1. makes me struggle with emotions. 2. makes me struggle with knowing even what I am feeling. 3. etc. (A host of other problems) Where do I start? Two questions that I can ask myself and reflect internally how exactly does CEN happens to me: 1) What exactly went on in my childhood home? 2)What was missing from me? Examples: a) The use of the Emotion Words (eg. Sad Angry Hurt): Did my parents use emotion words in a comfortable way? b) My Feeling: Did my parents/family notice what I was feeling? Was it okay for me to feel the way that I was feeling? Did I feel alone as a child? Did I sense that on some deep level that I need to fend for myself either emotionally or even in some other ways as well? Thank you so much, Dr. Jonice Webb.🤍
Thank you, very grateful for having found your webcasts. I am on the spectrum and experienced CEN thus not only did i not have the tools to reach out, I also did not see any social signals that were put out to me, so I grew up lonely even into my late 30's when I met my wife. She had an emotional abusive childhood and also experienced no affection, so we were a prefect marriage, like the Titanic leaving port, we are now divorced and i am still coming to terms with the emotional neglect in my marriage
Yes, I missed all 4 of those growing up. I was #5 of 6 kids in the 1950's. Mom had two sets of Irish twins and then I came 15 mo later. I think my parents did the best they could. And I don't' regret coming from a big family. But ye, emotional neglect was real as a young child and all through my teen years too. On top of that, being a sensitive soul adds more challenges. So this impacted my adult relationships in that I've always been focused outward, all the time not knowing how I feel or what I want/need. It's a wound I've been aware of ... not knowing what to do in many situations. I'll continue following Jonice. Thank you!
I had a very neglectful childhood but I’m the complete opposite to this.. I wonder why .. I’m very emotionally giving and very self aware , I’m very good at expressing emotions etc I do crave a stable sort of love but I never recklessly try to find it
Oh, I already know. I was an only child, and due to spending so much time alone, I can disappear up my own ass for lengthy periods as I have never needed to be around other people.
+drjonicewebbphd #ActuallyAutistic *_Rather_** than hypersensitive, I am **_hyposensitive_** (viz., of lower sensitivity than typical) due to internal, unconscious mental and emotional blocks pathogonomonic of Kanner's Syndrome (after the late Chaskel Leib "Leo" Kanner MD).* I'm an autist whom the school systems o' the late-20th-Century United States failed: Mind you, back in the 1960's, the United States in Congress Assembled, and the State of California and the 東宣北米神聖教會 OMS (viz., Oriental Missionary Society) Holiness Church of North America (a Wesleyan conference offshot from majority Methodism) under 'em, were at the foot o' the learning curve for neurodivergent education, thus the subsequent five decades of immature resources to which I am witness. Gutstein and Sheely's design-patented Relationship Development Intervention Program wasn't released until the Turn o' the 21st Century. I'm also an exception to the rule of children having no Attachment Style at birth (so Thais Gibson PhD, The Personal Development School®, Concord, ON, CAN): BORN Dismissive Avoidant, diagnosed with Kanner's Syndrome (after the late Chaskel Leib "Leo" Kanner MD) at John Muir Memorial HospitaI (now John Muir Health Walnut Creek), Walnut Creek, CA, USA, before my first year was out. I actually filled out your CEN Questionnaire, came back a false positive - internal, unconscious mental and emotional blocks (eventually discovered through a meta-analysis o' studies galór on both autistic and allistic by Steven E. Gutstein PhD, Gutstein Sheely & Associates PC, % The Connections Center for Relationship Development, Houston, TX, USA), rather than external factors in childhood, are what's hampering me.
The keyword here is “teaches you”. Which is why (regardless of your age) taking responsibility of what you choose to learn, is on you. Anyone can choose to treat you a certain way/aim to deprive you of certain things. But will you *accept what they aiming to execute by way of exercising whatever piss poor behavior?!?
I was thinking the last 2 women I liked were part of large families and likely the youngest and by the time they came along their parents were old and tired of raising kids. Both had serious attachment issues both too eager to be with someone and regretting it or too afraid to be with someone and can't let go when the person wants to leave.
Thank you for giving the realisation that my need for validation, nature of constantly doubting myself, feeling I'm not smart enough to understand things and being blank to questions like how I feel, what I want etc is an outcome of the disconnect in my circuit. And your statement that memories are anchored in feelings make me realise why I have very little memory of my childhood in general and my feelings, emotions and thought process at that time. Dr Jonice, I'm so grateful for your efforts and to have stumbled upon your videos, discovering the missing link between my intelligence and my understanding. Thank you....more power to you✨
Am tired of what Professional therapists, 🙄seems to me they talked more about the problem and where it comes from, then give advice that will works. ( they want to see you )
I’m an hsp in training to become a Maryland state certified Peer Support Recovery Specialist and have over 150 CEUs. Will your series help me better serve the young man I took in 15 years ago and my heart adopted as my son?. He grew up horribly and refuses to accept he has Schizoeffective disorder bipolar type he’s got tons of trauma that comes out in the voices he hears. He says he’s dealt with it but I don’t believe he fully has. I don’t know how my heart would take it, but eventually I’d like a degree and help children before they become this severe as an adult? He’s cooccuring I’ve spoken to several drs in his revolving door hospitalizations and sadly, he was basically the perfect set up for having this Illness. It’s heartbreaking to see him suffer like this and takes a toll on my depression, anxiety and ptsd.
Thankyou so much ...... I'm now 65 and been single most of my life..... I thought it was me all along..... I know what I grew up with but didn't realise it had any significance.... Wow.... I'm now going to try and take that in .......
This seems to be describing my inner world and inner most feelings to the T......all thanks to you for giving this realisation of me having CEN. I felt as if you're talking about me in this video.
1:42 Give yourself what you didn't get growing up #1 Feelings 3:06 No feeling is bad 4:03 #1 Don't judge yourself for whatever feelings you get 4:42 #2 "It's only a feeling. I can handle this" 5:34 #2 "You can handle this. You can do this" 6:05 You can encourage yourself 6:29 Calm, confident, capable 7:03 #3 Pay attention to this feeling. It matters #2 Parents 7:43 #4 They can't give me what they don't have #3 Self-confidence #5 You can do this #6 Stop with the self-doubt. It'a ridiculous #7 You've proven yourself before #4 Learning how to #8 It's just a new a skill. I can learn it. #5 Asking for and accepting help #9 Asking for help is a sign of strength #6 Taking too much responsibility #10 You're not in charge of the whole world. Let it go.
8:28 Say I want, I feel, I need, 3 times a day 10:09 Learn about assertiveness: expressing yourself and feelings 10:51 Pay attention to and value your feelings
0:58 We have a wall we built in childhood to block emotions 1:25 As adults, we don't need the wall 1:33 It blocks our energy, motivation, direction, guidance, connection 1:58 Feelings carry messages. They are physical and you're meant to feel/experience them 4:13 Learn to listen to your feelings and use them 5:26 #1 Learn all you can about childhood emotional neglect 7:07 #2 Change your relationship with your emotions (don't view them as bad or avoid them) 9:00 Be curious about (interested in) your feelings 9:37 #3 Start paying attention to your feelings, at least 3 times a day
10:58 Accept and value your emotions 11:18 Pay attention to your feelings ; let them guide, motivate, protect, connect you 12:48 Celebrate the unique qualities that make you different
Both I and my husband have suffered from child emotional neglet and abuse. It jas taken me years to learn to express my emotions and communicate properly. He still has troubles in doing so, I try to help him in this while we struggle to grow together.
It's so annoying because everytime childhood emotional neglect is brought up, it's always about hiding your emotions when you are older which I really don't get ans I am not like that. I got emotional neglect from both parents but that made me very dependant because emotional comfort never got satisfied.
