Enneagram: Help For Type 5 

Fives aren't really stingy or not want to share their information. They are aware enough to know that most people don't give a sh!t about things more than a surface level. Fives try not to inconvenience someone else with what they are interested in, since that has nothing to do with them.

38:30 Once my pregnant roommate received a test result that said her baby would be born with spina bifida and she had to travel to a larger hospital for another test to confirm it. I am not very good at emotional comfort (though I tried the best I could!), but I researched the test and discovered it had a high false positive rate. It very high for patients who had a difficult time determining the date of conception, which was her situation. After I shared those studies with her, she felt like the weight of the world was taken of her shoulders and went into the second appointment much more confident. And many months later she gave birth to a healthy baby girl without spina bifida! Sometimes knowledge-based counseling is beneficial.

I think you missed the point of the avarice. Its not about wanting more of something, wanting to be the only one who knows something.Its not about ego at all. Fives are people who had one or more parent literally feeding off of them, living through them, devouring. The avarice is about the fear of being invaded. I have to say that, while I totally cop to that as a five, its a huuuuge part of who I am buried so deeply in me that I'm afraid I'll never be able to let it go, but I wouldn't call it avarice. I have the feeling that word was assigned to the five by someone who wasn't a five because I am really aware that it appears selfish and stingy on the outside, but on the inside it is literally abject terror. The terror that someone is going to invade you again, devour your very being, or shame your core self, and destroy you. "If I can hide this piece of who I am, tuck it deep inside where no one can reach it, then I will not be obliterated by you when you tear through me and consume me." It is NOT "if I tell you everything that I know than I will not be the only one who knows this, and I will no longer feel special." Fives aren't envious, necessarily. An issue is that we over-identify with the knowledge - we think therefor we are. We think that our very being is tied up in what we are thinking about.

I don't think fear is the only or the main thing that drives 5s to study. We actually enjoy it for the process and the rewards that are internal. I do love your videos though. These are great!

As a 5, I mostly hold on to my emotions. I will share a select portion of my "self" with certain people as I deem them deserving. No one will ever see the whole picture!

I don’t feel fear drives me to knowledge, I feel it’s knowledge that draws me because of my intense curiosity. 🥸

I've eaten the same breakfast for years, or small variations of it, for about 20 years. I like it and somehow never gotten bored of it, I know it's healthy, it's affordable and doesn't take a lot of my time. Following the same routine also allows me to focus on more important stuff. It's funny how most people react when I tell them I eat the same thing everyday though.

When you mentioned “mind-numbing activities” and audiobooks at around 32/33 minutes in, that was dead on! I was literally playing video games with this on in the background.

I honestly feel so confused. I'm a 5. I want to have more intimate friendships... like you said, I honestly thought sharing interesting information was a part of bonding. When people seem not interested... I've always interpreted that as a sign of rejection. I get quiet because I feel like you don't like me. And I don't want to bother you. I didn't realize that other people were talking about different "more meaningful" things... I want to get better... but I honestly dont where to start.... because my next question is... what do you want me to talk about? What type of conversations do others find interesting? I watched all of your other enneagram videos.... and I don't see what other people expect... which is frustrating. This is not intuitive for me.... I genuinely want to know....

I can’t speak for all 5s, but I think you are overlooking the pure pleasure that exercising the mind brings a 5. I love logic puzzles. Do I leave the finished extra hard puzzles open at a social dance to let everyone know how special I am. No. Like you said in another video, I walk in and give everyone a cheerful hello and go dance. When not dancing, I sit alone. No one knows I am a Cellular Biologist. I’m one of the most popular dancers, because I found it pleasurable to stretch myself to become decent. I also bathe and dress fashionably. I’m not looking for friends at these dances, just a physical outlet and dancing is its own kind of mental escape and can even be a transcendent experience depending on what dance you are doing. It can also be a deep communication on a nonverbal level. Connection without conversation or further expectation.I am a 5w4, so a bit of a chameleon. I can fit in most anywhere to enjoy a wide variety of experiences. I’m as comfortable in a laboratory as I am at a Ballroom dance or a sweat lodge. My husband says I have way too many clothes, because I have to look the part wherever I go. We are multi-dimensional people like everyone else. People say I’m pretty fearless. I do get drained by drama and small talk, but people come to me with their deep problems and I cry with them, hold hands, etc. and then move on. So good in a crisis, but I’m not the person to call for gossip. I would suggest getting a broader perspective than your teenaged son. :) Thank you for the videos. They provide a lot of good information.

The “awkward you away” I don’t purposely do this. I just don’t know what to say, I’m done mentally. I had no idea it made people uncomfortable. There are actually a lot of things you said that I didn’t even realize it affected people the way it did. I had no idea that my disappearing for periods of a time made people think I was uninterested in having a relationship with them. This all makes the world even more overwhelming.

The fear is what drives us to study. Many of us had less than ideal childhoods, the reality of being dependent on an emotionally volatile parent as a child is terrifying. In that situation, we were helpless and we carry that. I don't think it's something to try deny or rationalize away because we perceive being fearful as bad. I think we were incredibly brave and resourceful to adopt a pattern of behaviour that made us feel safe when our primary caregivers did the opposite. I have a lot of compassion for myself and other 5s... that being said🤣 I'll be studying what the air speed velocity of an unladen European swallow is on my deathbed #cantstopwontstop

Advice for enneagram 5 Start to realize when all of your deep thinking is taking you out of your present life : being emotionally present and actively participation in life Because you are so high strung and wired up with information, Make an effort to calm down. Let yourself relax and don’t be so high strung. When you feel upset, hurt disappointed don’t reach for a substance. Make it healthy: walks, meditation, exercise, prayer, etc. you see many possibilities to life but often have a hard time judging which is the most important and which is the least important. Allow yourself to get advice from others. It will help you gather a more well rounded opinion. And also build a trust with others Notice when what you are getting involved in right now is distracting you from what you really ought to be doing in life. 5s tend to believe when the only thing they can depend on themselves. Relationships are worth the effort. For 5s they are worth the effort. You need friends in your life, just like everyone else. Try to be more cooperative with people and less of a loner. Just because people can’t keep up with your rapid mind, doesn’t mean they can’t be friends. Remember social norms. Be nice, do the little things in a relationship that matter. Stay friendly. Friendly people in your life are a good thing, they watch your back. You have a tendency to look down on those that are less intelligent than you. There are lot’s of different types of intelligence out there and other people may be intelligent in ways that you are not, learn to appreciate that. Use your gifts to benefit others. If others tend to avoid you or antagonize you, consider the possibility that maybe you are the problem. Maybe you are coming off too harsh. You have an enormous capacity for understanding.think of ways to develop that understanding in a compassionate ways to help others. People have their own reasons to do and be what they are. They aren’t stupid bc they do things differently than you do. Study people and learn how to be gentle with people and their feelings. Don’ t just use your head in life, use your heart in life as well.

I got so much from this. I feel like I am a rather typical 5, and I have noticed a lot of people have been drawn away from me the more I learn and grow in myself. I dislike it and I am still not even sure what career path that I want to take. I would love to help people and I do feel empathy, but I have a hard time staying interested in school. I always see my teachers flaws or the education systems flaws, yet I am a 5 wing 6 and I want to solve all the world's problems. Its a difficult dynamic that I got going on.. lol.

This is one of the most important things I've ever watched. Thank you so much!!!

Absolutely great advice. I actually used to think I was more intelligent when I was younger but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that, as you said, there are multiple types of intelligences. In fact I’ve come to realize that I’m really very average in intelligence, I just happen to see things much differently from others. I wish this stuff would be taught in schools so we could all understand ourself and others better in order to appreciate all of our differences.

5 here. At 23, I love this enneagram stuff because for the first time I feel like I'm understood. I feel like I've reached integration through my own efforts (and yes I know you can't stay there forever), but I was blindly shooting in the dark. I feel like this is why mindfulness meditation and stoic philosophy resonate with me so much. I've learned how to be social, and what I'm working on now is feeling my heart in addition to using my mind, strengthening my friendships, and realizing that there is an abundance of energy I can receive from engaging with the world and people. And next stop, romance! An important thing I read is that isolation is a coping mechanism, not a method towards health. Just today, I felt really bad, but I was trapped in a loop of mindless information (reddit, RU-vid, enneagram stuff, etc.) I've reached a point in my life where I know the simple solution is to just get outside the house and engage. It took me a while, but the minute I left my apartment to skate, I felt immediately better, and dare I say, energized.

FYI, the first 51 minutes are just a description of type 5. Then the advice starts.

I'm a five and my interests include many various topics, but most importantly Neuroscience and Psychology. What the most important thing I've learned from the Enneagram is how to connect with people of different personality types and how to maneuver through life without rustling feathers unnecessarily.

I've gamed to audiobooks, too. It actually helps to absorb information when your hands are busy.

I'm a 5 and my favorite author is Stephen King and I have a huge stack of Far Side calendars that I used all through high school! And my favorite podcast is literally called "Morbid".

I'm a five who desperately needed to hear this.

Yes loud noises interupt thought.

I have been down the rabbit holes and have been in the dark. Learning the deceptions of this world. After a time I came back to realize that all that is outside is not all that important. What’s the golden nugget is taking responsibility for how we live our lives in higher awareness, loving and respecting others. Being harmless, living in integrity, honor, focusing on what’s good for the many vs service to self. I now seek to be of service vs being isolated. Like the 8 my goal now is too make a measurable difference in all that I do. I love our diversity and all my fellow brothers and sisters. I do have a low tolerance for narrow thinking or selfishness.

There are many challenges to being a type 5, but by far the hardest challenge to face is the urge to withdrawal, physically or emotionally

I'm a 5w4, and my greatest fear is being forgotten. Makes perfect sense now.

I'm a 2 in a relationship with a 5. There has been a lot of work on both ends to understand the other's needs and not feel overwhelmed (the 5) or rejected (the 2). But I think that being opposites has let both of us work towards a healthier space

I feel like it's a dicey proposition to make blanket statements about Fives at all because we're each one an iconoclast. My pastor, who's a Six and whose spouse is a Five, said that Fives are the most misunderstood of all the types, and it's true. Usually when I hear anyone but a Six or a Four holding forth on what "I" am like, they're way, way off, sorry to say. For instance, while it's true that my idea of luxury is being left alone to learn info on whatever's interesting me at the time -- quarantine is literally paradise to me, lol! -- I love my loved ones deeply and warmly and I show it. I'm not "stingy" with my info, it's just that people have given me that "OMG, what a NERD" look so many times when I share -- that's a painful experience, pardon me world if I don't want to repeat that an indefinite number of times! I have my limits! And I've never been neglectful of my hygiene or nutrition in my whole 55 years. I feel like there's this stereotype of Fives that they're these people who sit in their bare rooms with a cot and one hanging light bulb and the blinds drawn, reading physics textbooks for days on end without a change of clothes or a shower and eating gruel out of a tin can. It just adds another layer of alienation to hear that kind of stuff.

Lmao 5s "awkward you away" so they can get back to what they were doing. Never heard it described.

Ive felt so alienated having had to deal with a lot of conflict lately. Seeing myself in the type if person youre describing i feel more understood and less of a freak, even valued. Thank you for that.

Advice for Enneagram Type 5s: 1. Realize when your deep thinking is taking you out of your present context, and choose to be truly present. 2. Try to calm down and relax. 3. Allow yourself to get advice from others. 4. Notice when your research and thinking is distracting you from what you should be doing. 5. Realize that you need a few deep relationships and put effort into making those work. 6. Be less of a loner. 7. Realize that sometimes you can make people feel uncomfortable, so actively try to use social norms and being friendly. 8. Don’t look down on people you think are less intelligent than you, learn to appreciate other types of intelligence. 9. If people start to act antagonistically to you, consider that you might be the problem. 10. Think of ways to be more understanding of others, use those insights to be more compassionate to others.

As a five, I can verify the information in this video. Yes. We need to know "the why". If something doesn't make sense, I can't let it go. I won't let it go. I will solve it. And if something someone believes seems .. odd, I will tear it down with my questions. Or, get my questions answered and be like, "oh that makes sense then." If I raise my finger and say, "I have questions," be ready to answer them and then answer questions about the answer you just gave me. And I don't do it to be an ass, I am legit curious as to why you would think or do such a thing. I am an 5w4 and Iconoclast is an accurate title. I was the kid in school who would inform classmates that Santa Claus wasn't real. I wasn't doing it to crush them. I just wanted to crush their illogical belief. Not until I was an adult did I realize that was a dick move on my part. Whoops. I appreciate what you were saying about fives as students, always asking hard questions and preferring self-education to being limited to just the textbook classroom type of education. I consider myself extremely self-educated on topics that interest me. Like ... I exhaust those topics. I prefer to study what I want, when I want, how I want, and I do it well. Research is what I do for fun. And yes I will stare a man down and awkward them out of the room so I can go back to my notes and books or computer. It must be my 4wing that gives me my appreciation for aesthetics and love of pretty things. But all that means is that my hermit cave ,full of spells and potions and ancient manuscripts, is decorated in eclectic elegance. But I do pay attention to my appearance and my hygiene is amazing. Ok... I may wear the same outfit multiple days in the row.... but I wash it at least once usually while I am sleeping. LOL On what you were saying about fives wanting all of the information so we can be prepared, that is spot on. I have been researching a purchase for two weeks now and I have made charts and lists and narrowed it down, but I still have not bought it because I don't feel comfortable with my thoroughness of all of the possibilities yet. And that's pretty ridiculous. To research your way out of something you really want. I spent almost a year learning about a topic to the point of almost social isolation. And although it was hard on me, I have no regrets. Because I solved it. And now I share this information and actually help people in important ways with it. "If fives want to connect with you, they are going to do it with information," is correct. I liked that. What you said about your son wanting to learn about the Marvel Universe more than he cares to read a Marvel comic, I felt that in my soul. I dig it, kid. Like, I have never played the Portal video games, I have no desire to ever play them, I don't need to, I don't want to, I don't care about that. What I care about is the story behind the game. The lore. The history of what happened before. I want character analysis videos and fan theory posts. Listening to the story I have pretty much seen the game played through anyhow, I don't need to play it. Seems stressful. Now, if I could be GLaDOS, the snarky antagonist who tries to kill the main player, THEN I might be interested in playing the game. I love her. On the 5w4s, I can verify we are comfortable with "darkness." For instance, the paranormal fascinates me to no end. I've gone on investigations. I've studied up on the subject quite a bit. I have so many questions. Like, how does a ghost choose a word to display on those word database spirit boxes? Are they familiar with the inner workings of computers? I doubt it. Do they reach their ghost fingers into it and wiggle them about to choose the words? How's that work? I've stumped ghost hunters. Not my goal. I legit want to know the science behind it. And woe to the ghost that gets cornered by me as I demand answers to weird questions. Like, "What's with your clothes? Do you get to choose an outfit or is that what you died in? What are they made of? Your spirit? That's weird. So, what's your deal anyway? Do you have goals? Do you like being a ghost? What do you do when you aren't actively haunting this place? Do you have ghost friends?...." And those are the easy questions. I enjoy studying spooky things. And Stephen King is my favorite author. I think that he writes beautiful words to describe terrible things, and I love it. I was an admin for years on a big Stephen King forum. Went on a couple trips to Maine even. Once to help out at a Dark Tower artist convention. Good times. This video was fun. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you for making it. And thank you for the advice at the end. Just gonna call us out like that..... hahaha. Damn dude.

I needed this. I've seen like dozens of videos amd articles on helping 5s and understanding them better and none were as open-ended, elaborate and non stereotypical as yours. Thank you so much.

Me: HOW DARE YOU CALL ME OUT SO PERSONALLY ON THE INTERNET Also me: -literally never occurred to me that there was another approach to learning other than "let's talk about what we don't know" -worked as a historical interpreter for years largely structuring my material around "let me tell you about all the not-so-famous dead people you've never heard of and why their stories are more nuanced and interesting than the ones you've heard already!" -remembers the 7th grade science teacher who didn't like me because I asked too many questions, while I thought quietly to myself, "Isn't science supposed to be about asking questions?" -is processing a recent breakup with a partner who needed and wanted a lot of reinforcement of what was known, in order to feel safe enough to be vulnerable. Goodness knows I tried to turn up the dial on my verbal affirmations, but it was *def*initely not sufficient for this partner! :/ Then, when I said, trying to be inviting, "Don't worry; it's okay for you to be vulnerable around me; in fact, I like it when you find yourself at the edges of what you know! There's no need to act like you have all your shit together around me!" they looked at me and said, "*You* like it. But I don't like feeling that way at all," and I was abashed, confused, and had the hunch that this might be a bad match. in short: IT ME ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Does anyone else feel that, after learning the Eneagram, you can't stop thinking of better ways to explain it to loved ones? I'm curious bc, when I first saw value in it, I tried to explain it to loved ones but they acted like it wasnt important. So I kinda gave up trying to make them see it. Then after rethinking everything with a better understanding, I know now I won't stop until I find the perfect way to explain it. In a way that people take me serious enough, that they put just a little of my kind of work in, to learn it.

Amazing... at first I said to myself "This is just a coincidence that I relate to this", but once you mentioned the part about being inquisitive I was 100% convinced. Thanks for uploading this video!

Very true. For as long as I can remember, I've felt like I need to escape from the outside world into my own mind, or into a hobby or study of something that interests me. I practically live inside my head at times to where the reality around me seems less familiar. Sometimes, that comes in handy because I then see things from a fresh perspective. Sort of like a visitor who smells the dirty socks under the bed that the person who lives there has become 'nose blind' to or used to, for example. I sometimes have this objective perspective even about my own place or something happening in my own life. I did drive teachers crazy in school. I wasn't satisfied with learning just what was in the textbook. Sometimes, I'd learn on my own in the library or from books I'd find elsewhere about the class subject and discover that the textbook was missing some of what I'd learned. I have to confess that I do suffer from avarice sometimes. I do have 'my' space (both physically and mentally) that I don't want intruded upon. My greed isn't for money, but for knowledge. Seems like I can never get enough of that. I love your analogy of the hermit here. I could easily become a hermit in real life too. My parents even encouraged me to join a fraternity when I was going to college because they were worried that I'd just go from dorm to class to library without experiencing the social side. My roommates and brothers in the fraternity did, indeed, sometimes have to practically drag me to the events that were going on in and around the fraternity house. :) I know what you mean about being present physically without being present mentally. Happens to me all the time. If it wasn't for my somewhat phobia of germs, I wouldn't bother with hygiene I bet. I certainly don't care about fashion, fads or trends. I'm usually the last guy to decide that something is worth having or doing, sometimes long after it stops being in style. It is possible for me to become invisible in social situations. I'll just stand or sit there observing, listening, not making an impression on anyone. I can be at church, for example, listen to the music (which I often really enjoy even if I don't show it) and the sermon (which I often study when I get home, reading the Bible passages mentioned as well as the other ones that are in context with it, the context of history and culture going on when the writers were inspired to write the passage, etc.) but I'll rarely talk to anyone while I'm there beyond the usual response to people asking 'how's it going?'. Sometimes, my wife will drag me into a conversation with someone at church before or after the service. Otherwise, I don't interact much. She'll help with the nursery or kids' programs after the service. I will then find some way to help that isn't social like putting away chairs, weeding the flower beds outside, cleaning the dust out of the office computers, etc. I have been called an 'absent minded professor' often. I'm more into what's going on in my own mind or in whatever I'm studying than I am into what's going on with relationships, events, etc. My wife says she feels like my secretary or personal assistant who keeps me in touch with stuff outside of what I'm focused on. Speaking of 'dumping information'. I don't want to over do it, so I'll end my comments here. :) Great video. I sure appreciate it. You give great insight and advice here.

Believe in Christ was the most important decision I ever made as a type 5, I can understand His Love and Emotions because He Shows them plainly. He is "simple" to understand for someone like me who has a hard time reading peoples intentions, but that is where Him being "simple" stops. He helps me learn to grow, and He allows me to learn more about Him in a way that I know how. He drew me in with His Love, with His understanding. I may never learn how to fully connect with others, but at least I have a Lord who I can connect with. And when all is said and done, that's all that matters. I hope you all have a blessed day my friends, and just remember that Lord Jesus is the most loving and fascinating person you will ever know.

I normally skip leaving comments, because I have to stay behind the scene observing. But this video gave me very valuable information to visualize the type 5 in a simply integrated model such as a dump truck. I appreciate a lot. Quora is fun bc there are simillar people who dig information for fun. Information about human relationships as well. Haha. I do try to learn how to understand human emotion by searching on the internet. Dr. Jordan Peterson's lecture series on RU-vid have been very useful source for me to understand people in a more compassionate way. Learning about different intellegence per se. Learing them, I got to be less belittling others.. See? Me being vulnerable in this comment knowing to make mistakes in this, yet wanting to share my experience. Haha.

As you can probably tell, I've been binging your type 5 content lately. And your videos are fairly long, and I will be finished with them today. I can absolutely say that I tend to binge watch and listen to things often. In fact, it took me about one month to listen to the entire NoSleep podcast backlog of episodes back in mid-Dec through mid-Jan.

Minimal yes. Currently obsessed with falafel. Probably will turn into one. My likes are basic but very specific and I am ok with that. I know what to expect...allowing all my energy to be used to learn. Efficiency for the win ✨

As a five, I can't remember if I've asked strongly for anything in my whole life, even when I was a child (now I'm 32, and I've learned to do this because is the best thing to do for my own wellnes, but still feels kinda unnatural tho) and obviously I had desires for some toy or some gadget... I just knew that wasn't so important. My family was a kind of "hippie" family. Signs of affection had a really high value for them, and for me they just became an obligation. My needs were "satisfied" enough, and that seemed ok for them, and a normal standard for me. I had a lot of tasks since I was 7 years old, like washing dishes or clean my house. For my parents (divorced, so my mom and stepfather let's say) that was a must, because "we are working, so this is the less you can do for our family". Studies were secondary and if I just passed, that would be fine /I didn't study because I had no enough energy for doing that or I didn't feel I like it, but I always passed anyway, I just read thing 30 min before the exams and that's all. Receiving a present was something to be thankful for, no matter if it wasn't what you wanted (probably what you wanted makes no sense because it's almost the same that you received, or probably you only wanted because your friends has it or it was shown in a tv, so don't be like that! / Can you see my 4 wing there?). And refering MBTI, I'm the INTP type. There are many anecdotes I could tell, like that time when we traveled across many many cities in my country so my parents could sell their crafts in the street and I had to sleep close to their stand, they used 2 chairs to make an improvised and absurdly uncomfortable "bed" for me, and if noise in street would get very loudly I would being told to go to the car in the middle of the night to sleep alone and close the doors with the key so strangers couldn't get me (ofc, they could have to, but remember the hippie family... kisses were more important than safety) Or that time when (I was already 18 yo then) they were on vacaction to Argentina for one month and there were barely food in my house, so I asked what they were going to do, and their response was "weren't you looking for a job? well, get one and buy some more food". I lost like 5kg of my weight by the end of that month. Ofc they came very happy and I would welcome them with a smile in my face. My parents were sellers, and I had to work in the street with them for several years until I would become independent (I dreamt about living alone since I had 15 yo) and I know exactly how to behave in society. If you ever meet me you will find a very formal, nice, kind, and pleasing person. I work in a shop selling stupid things to stupid people who thinks those items are the most important things in their lives so you have to answer all their stupids questions that they could have google before come in to the fcking shop. Of course they will tell you I'm adorable. My mask is perfect and terrible. Then I arrive to my house tired and exhausted. I just want to be alone. I don't find any reward or pleasure in relations with others. The only exception is my boyfriend (we are together for 15 years now), and I can feel one with him, like we both can be completely transparent. He is also a clinic psychologist and he is about to become a fireman too, I love him so much, and I can learn from him and viceversa, and live the life we want. He understand my personality, supports me and encourage me to bring my creative ideas to the world. I'm illustrator, among other things. He is an 8w7, I'm a 5w4. Probably now you understand a little bit: we both have our own fortress. And we are fcking happy. PS1: And I'm not making my childhood an excuse for my "problems" neither blaming my parents. They would probably think, even today, they made their best. I just think that's not objective truth, sorry. And it's a fact that I can't avoid the roots of my own nature as a consequence of that. PS2: And sorry for my non-native English.

5 and INTJ here - this was very helpful, thank you!

As a Historical Interpreter 5, I do teach people history like that, lol! I like to surprise people and challenge their ideas of what the past was like. I like to paint a larger picture for visitors and answer the 'so what?' of history. Very interesting and insightful video, thanks!

boy oh boy...is that ME. I chuckled a few times..I always tell my sons that when the grid goes down..I'm the only one that'll know how to cook..I'll be cooking on a rock. :D

I'm a 5w6 and I fully agree that type 5's are emotionally unattached as I struggle myself to let (even the closest people) them in, even when my other friends are upset or crying about something I tend to steer away from them or get myself out of the situation to let others handle it and I know that sounds very selfish and careless but that's the way I am I don't know how to comfort someone because I have never shown someone that side of me enough for them to comfort me. Even with my very close friends I love and value deep connections, however, I struggle to open up about the emotional side of things and to be honest I don't know why it could possibly be because I don't know how to express them. ( I hope this makes sense it sounded a lot better in my head). Any other 5's feel this way?? ahaha

It is so accurate. What I loved most was "I don't care about what you know, I wanna tell you what I know!" 😄😄😄 yes, it's true.

“…drawn to the edges of information..” Completely accurate assessment.

I relate to being a Hermit, not needing much like a cactus & the more knowledge you accumulate the more you feel you don't fit into the mundane world. Thank you for your time and sharing your knowledge with us. Priceless information!

I love hearing non 5's describe 5s. It's really helpful to hear how someone else describes my behavior. Everything here is spot on.

I am a five. I feel you got a lot of the mannerisms of a 5 enneatype but the meanings behind those behaviours is grossly inaccurate.

How many other 5’s out here tryna watch this whole playlist in one sitting…

One time I had 72 hours to find a loophole in law to protect myself in trial. That's a 5 integrating to 8!

It seems that your understanding of 5's is based on the unhealthy habits when a 5 veers on dysfunctional. For example, I myselft am a 5, I do not keep information that I learn to myself. In fact, I love sharing information with those who share in my interests or are simply curious about a subject I enjoy. I get a kick out of teaching others something they didn't already know. Just my unsolicited opinion here but, I think it is important to remeber that, as with any other "personality" typing, it is a way of describing the structure of an idividuals cognitive process. These do not wholely describe a person's personality or desires.

I've quoted the Bible before about 5's "remote" way of living, where all were commanded to "Be in the world but not of it." I think 5's naturally do this better, where this is hard for other types to do. So since others struggle with it then others interpret our ease with it as negative, calling us "detached." As far as being "stingy" with information, we were also commanded "Do not cast your pearls before swine." Again, because others struggle with this, 5's are criticized for doing it. I admit there are those who take these qualities to the negative, as I have myself done at times. But these aspects in themselves are not negative at all. As I have grown closer to God I have found these two qualities strengthened in positive ways, especially as I have learned to trust God for understanding as opposed to trust an interpretation of my "ways" from other well-meaning people. I'm far from perfect, but I think being "defined" by others who see through the "lens" of their enneagram definitely opens the door to misinterpretation and judgments, much like I experienced from unenlightened family and friends while growing up. I don't retreat from fear or avarice, but I do grow weary from others drama and demands that I behave like them. So I take time to renew my energy alone in God's presence, the only one I should rely on to tell me who I am. This allows me to step back into the world, bringing gifts I wouldn't have had to share had I stayed in the world as others thought I should, based on who they are. While there's good information in these videos I find it slanted from the "7" lens. So it must be taken with a grain of salt.

My husband is a 5 and I am an 8 and all of your enneagram videos are saving our marriage and our other family relationships. My husband is the 5 who studied people and communication deeply after high school because a homeschool teacher he had let him know only speaking about his interests or withdrawaling from other people as a recluse was selfish and he is a Christian and was conficted so set out to study it. He is now a social 5 who in his last job was seen as the unhealthy 5 and after changing companies to a place he is appreciated and is a leader is really stepping into his 8. We have had many of these conversations without knowing it and now putting a full picture to our struggles is so helpful!

I haven’t watch the whole video, but I do want to comment that on my healing journey and I’ve been understanding how my five has influenced my behavior. I believe it’s rooted in fear of intimacy, because a lot of our “habits” are really just avoidance and coping tendencies because we’re numbing from actually opening our hearts to experience real intimacy. I’ve noticed a lot of “lack” of certain personality or enjoyment or anything, when a 5 is portrayed. And I think it could be why 5’s feel misunderstood. I lacked fundamental intimacy with myself and once I did the more out of my head and being myself I became. (aka overthinking or living in our minds). Not saying there’s anything wrong with it, but I felt irritated because I know I’m so much more than thoughts and wanting to “be alone”. Even in growth I feel like there’s so much depth to explored for a five. Feeling my emotions and accepting where I am has been really healing. And a relationship with God, who has helped me realize I could never “run out” or feel scarce or orphaned because He will always be my source and loved. Hope this makes sense and ya just some insight for my own journey!!

Fist big investment I made after starting to work was noice cancellation headphones 👌 can't hear a thing

I'm so awkward because I've never participated in small talk long enough to know what comes next. So after the "How are you? Yes yes, I'm good too" I am done, but the person is still there and now I don't want to leave because that's rude so we both just stand there looking at each other. This happened to me last night.

All the best replies to this video are being withheld inside of the heads of these wonderful 5's and I seriously resent that!!! (from a 7)

S tier information... Thank you! May I just give one simple, but not easy, practical application as far as the help part goes. Whenever you're around people, keep at the forefront of your mind, "what is this person feeling, why are they feeling it, how might I improve their emotional state, and what effect will my words have on their emotional state?" Practice making that your mindset when you're around others, and it will solve so many of your problems in life. This application is exceedingly difficult when the person you are with is treating you poorly, but still do it... Stick with it, and don't expect anything in return.

This is fascinating. I just found out I’m a 5. This is very accurate. Thanks for sharing your insights.

I totally used to wear the same clothes for 2-3 days in a row. Then I realized I wanted to actually get a girlfriend eventually and decided to quit doing that.

I'm a 5 and I'm literally a prepper... Listening to these videos you have on 5's is so odd to me because I didn't realize you could narrow me (and presumably most/all other people) to just a few buckets and be so accurate. You talk about me like you know me at a level I almost don't even know, or at least formally recognize, myself. You are so right with a lot of your comments about 5's, I think. Sadly (and I say sadly, because if I'm being honest, I feel compelled to), I often find myself daydreaming or thinking of other things when my child is playing with me or while my wife is talking to me. It's hard for me to stay in the moment and not think about my random interests nobody besides myself really cares about. I'm constantly researching, getting to the point of knowing almost all that I can, then moving on to the next thing.

Thanks. As a 5W4 I must say it was helpful. Today, when I made my usual walk in the city on the usual route, instead of being in my head and looking straight ahead, this time I watched other people. Now the next obstacle: How to engage...;) But ok, one thing at a time.

I am a 5w4. I'm only 14 minutes in approx and this guy is pretty insightful to the way a 5 is. From the studies of the enneagram my heart and mind are constantly flirting with each other. Yearning for more of what others don't know so I can provide for them. I def am not interested in popular studies as I would like to be a pioneer in something nobody has discovered. But that incompetent feeling is what anchors my depression to my being. If I feel useless, I become stagnant and won't move. I feel I begin to fester, still questioning everything, but becoming way more inward and harsh. The twist of it all, I enjoy the darker and sadder things of life.

Your point four on things 5 should know literally called me out. I’m a junior in college who is watching RU-vid for the past 3 days instead of doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

I'm a 5, I have a very busy mind. I'm entrepreneurial and business minded. But I'm also an introvert, I have a total investigation mind but I can be quiet unless talking to someone about things Im passionate about. I'm recently divorced after 10 years and The thought of dating in this day and age is daunting. Perfect description about big brain and low battery.

I score about evenly between 4 and 5 on most tests and 9 is the closest third type. I'm under the assumption that I am a 5w4 however.

Funny. I’m a 5. My husband is always like “your shirt is inside out” and I’m like “oh ok so…🤷🏻‍♀️” If it’s pjs I 100% don’t care. If it’s regular clothes I only 50% care. 😆 When we fight my husband says “you’re gonna die alone! is that what you want?” And I’m like “ok. At least it’ll be quiet in there. 😬”

"They may not be present to life." But where we are IS LIFE!! The karate lesson or choir concert will quickly be over and done and no one will remember it anyway.

Wow that 5 and 8 example is exactly me and my sister at social events. I’m always just following along as she socializes.

Wtf I been putting the title of this on the search bar and not finding anything and its been online for 2 years. Im glad I finally found it

How healing begins : "Maybe i can trust people. let them know what i need. Maybe i can live happily in the world as it is. Maybe my future is going to be okay! Afterall, how do i know if i have really mastered all there is to know about something anyway? " 1. Notice when all your thinking and speculating are taking away frmo your immediate experiences = > Be present to Life. Be Emotionally present. 2. Make an effort to calm down and relax instead of reaching for information or drugs = > Take a walk ,listen to music, pray. 3. Allow yourself to seek advice from people your trust, when you need more persepective on your ideas. Learn to trust people. 4. Notice when your games, research, pastimes are distracting you from what you should be doing right now in life. 5. Relationships are worth the effort. Learn to work through your disagreements with people instead of detaching yourself. Friends will greatly enrich your life. 6. Be more coorperative with people and be less of a loner. Just because people cannot keep up with your mind doesn't mean they cannot become great friends to you. 7. Be aware when you make people uncomfortable. Learn to say some niceties and relationship tools to make people feel comfortable. Keep people in your life. They will watch your back when you have needs. 8. Be aware when you look down on other people who are less intelligent than you. Learn to appreciate there are multiple types of intelligences out there. Some people are more intelligent than you in other ways. Use your gifts to benefit others, not belittle them. 9. Be aware when people are avoiding you. Consider the possibility that perhaps you are the problem. Examine how you are coming across to other people. 10. You have great capacity for understanding. Develop ways to understand others with compassion. Give them benefit of the doubt . Use your heart in life.

Very good example of how 5s teach a history class. I can learn a lot from a 7. I think it's the same way I teach myself, I want to know what's 'behind' the whole thing, so I assume that others also find my golden nuggets interesting. I do have a drive to teach, but I can be too theoretical, methodical and formal, which I'm well aware of. I'm often NOT aware of the knowledge gap between myself and others and where to start to get my point across.

When he said that 5s tend to think or others as idiots I laughed because it's true and I immediately thought of a meme of scar (the bad one of the lion king) that's say "I'm surrounded by idiots"

You completely nailed it never have I Ever heard my own self explained so accurately I couldn’t even explain my own self as well

I've narrowed myself down to a possibility of being a 5. I would say the reason that we don't like to stay in the outer world is randomness, chaos, and distractions, in general. So that is a fear, in that there may be pressure to learn something that requires thinking a little deeper than their current comfort zone. I've had great intentions to logically break things down in a given time frame and find, in the end, that the number one culprit to not achieving some semblance of headway was: distractions and time-wasting things attributable to random people-stuff. There's a place where the presence of one additional person in my area can negatively impact my ability to stay mentally on point exponentially. And if they open their mouth at the wrong time, it's like I have to trace that entire line of thinking through one more time. And that's just my stuff. Imagine if you were trying to visualize some behavior in quantum mechanics. Finally, I've found that when I am hitting a mental wall and I've been trying to connect dots, that taking an occasional nap can be real beneficial: and taking a nap is better done reclusively.

Fantastic video! Thank you! You just described my husband! Your videos are great and different from other Enneagram videos.

I dont try and "awkward people away"; I try and engage socially with non-verbal queues to indirectly inform them that their presence is no longer required.

That actually happened to me!!!! I was a remote start installer, job dried up when my daughter was 1. Working 9-9 didnt cut it. I worked in a carpet warehouse and worked up to sales.

Haha I do this! I listen to books while do a puzzle on my iPad or playing this puzzle game😂 For hours!!!

You basically got it so far...I perceive history more as a plot of manipulation and instrumentalization in progress, though that's just my point of view it since I cannot dispute every single detail of it. However, you are "spot on" on the alternative medicine choice. That's my forte!

We gather the information because we are curious. To feel safe? More like fulfilled.

The reason they don’t share information, isn’t because they are greedy, it’s because they are skeptical of themselves and must challenge their ideas and play with their ideas before expressing it to others, less they realize at a later time that they were wrong.

I’m a type 5 who feels like I chose the wrong major and profession. I have interest in many things and fields, but I can’t seem to hone in on one thing (master of none). Do any other 5s have this problem?

My own personal hypothesis regarding avarice is that in my case, my parents were extremely self-involved, neglectful and abusive. To such an extent neither formed actual emotional bonds with neither me or my brother. We even had attachment disorder as children if that tells you anything. In my case my avarice comes from the fear of never knowing what was happening. My earliest memories are horrifying- all I remember is feeling lost with no person to comfort me, being hurt by those that I loved the most, feeling alien to any other being. My entire childhood was plagued by confusion and hurt. I truly was running through the dark with no protection or light to guide me. Instead of being completely engulfed by a parent as most theories suggest, I was engulfed by their abandonment. Needless to say I'm more of a 5w6 than 5w4. I always wanted to know _why_ . Why doesn't mommy love me and why does she yell at me and ignore me. Why does daddy hit me and leave for so long all the time. The lack of knowledge and control is what scares me the most to this day. If I know I can master and if I can master I can control. Like a starved child engourging in food once they get a chance to.

Thank you Dr. Tom LaHue , I thank you and I will use it.

I’m a four, and all of this would tell me that my five wing is JACKED

I’m a 5w4. You always nail it! I’m even a demonologist & have reinterpreted Revelations. And have very minimal possessions & live camp style. My iconoclastic RU-vid chan is The Esoteric Informant.

@Dr.Tom LaHue We type 5 are not only finding facts to raise self confidence or priding ourselves over others. we find facts to defend ourselves from miss perception/ miss understanding. for example, when you tell your parents you are narcissists and abused me not that i am a bad child (of course they thought they were perfect and the child is bad). you tell the teacher i had ADHD and you didn't know and doctors couldn't diagnose that not that i was a bad student. you tell the doctor that i wasn't lazy but i was pre-diabetic & hence lethargic & fatigued.

This is amazing I was literally crying listening to this. My top two are 6 and 9 tied but for some reason that 5 my third down has made an intense impact on my life. Hope I can take some of this advice and learn to live more present and balanced.

I enjoy your videos but as a five it's hard to listen to how we are perceived. I'm a free thinker, never missed my kids events, don't like small talk, care about Truth, live humbly by choice, provide and share willingly, others don't enjoy me and I don't mind... It's okay not to be understood because it's hard for me to fully understand others as well. This is a golden opportunity for us to build bridges.

I'm only about 15 minutes into the video but I think I would love a series where you share how each type can move to a place of health and then move towards there next enneagram number. I'm a five trying to make sure that I exhibit the healthy traits of five while also moving toward a healthy eight. I think some tips and strategies on how to achieve those two goals will be helpful. Thank you for all that you do in your videos.

44:20 yes to the Far Side haha! Recently my new favorite comic is Strange Planet by Nathan W. Pyle. Brain food for for any Type 5 or neurodivergent reader!

I'm amazed at how accurate this is concerning my personality type. It's scary. I'm definitely an information hog.

Your Merlin reference had me cracking up. My dream, loving alternative and herbal medicine, is to be the “witch” living in a small cottage in the woods on the outskirts of town. People are fearful enough to stay away, but also know they can always come to me for help if they need it. I feel seen haha.

'Goodwill Hunting' 5 movie

You seem really angry at enneagram 5. I watched another enneagram blogger and she said more than anyone, the enneagram type 5 realizes what they don't know. That is how I feel. Every time I watch you, you seem to tag this type as "know it all's." I think the reason they are reserved with information is that they realize there is more information out there than they can possibly know. Did your Dad make you feel dumb? I am a parent of an enneagram type 7. My son's wisdom amazes me. It is true that when I love someone, I share information. My son seems to take this personally, and I often have to remind him that I am not telling him this because I lack trust in him, but just as a reminder and an act of care. I am interested in parenting information between the enneagram types.

Absolutely correct, I love the book of Revelation with its timeline and charts that correspond with startling historical accuracy to historical events. I have a hard time with the fear idea because I’m not a fearful person, I tend to have balls of steel according to people that know me, however, I accept it was a coping mechanism born of fear when I was too young to have concrete or analytical thought and my world was tied to my parents. I’m wildly intuitive which makes it even harder to be around people, their emotions or fears or anger or whatever just swirls around them and I absorb their negative energy and my boundaries spread out even farther. Positive people can recharge me somewhat and that’s how I try to get to my healthier self and tolerate humans, by drawing them into my happy world so they “feel” more cheerful and emit positive vibes. Still drains me but not as quickly when I have to be around them for work. In my personal time, they don’t exist. I am working to change that. I don’t want to just be categorized as “this is how I am” like some badge of pride, since a coping mechanism limits me. I want to be able to cope in a more healthy way and realize my potential