25:17 "Sevens are evaders. They evade authority, they evade responsibilities, they evade duty--" Me: Hehe. Doody. "-- they evade with humour--" Me: ...Hey wait
Literally got kicked out of class in the 3rd grade because I overheard the mean teacher we all hated was on recess “duty” and I couldn’t stop laughing 💩
Never felt so called out 😂 Great video! "They don't enjoy the destination, they are enjoying the looking forward to the destination" finally someone put it in words!
Thank you. It takes a lot of courage to admit this to oneself for a seven. You are an example for all the sevens out there, and this will help the ones who love them.
I was struggling to understand whether I was a 2 or a 7 because I had equal amounts of traits from both types. It is such an apocalypse for me to understand that I am the social type of 7 which explains why I am so willing to help ohers and shed the light on their needs...... wow!!! You actually say that this type of 7 may look like a 2 or a 1. It now makes sense for me. It is so enlightening!!! I am grateful. Thank you so much!
same for meee! sometimes I feel I'm type 1, 5,7 . not 2 anymore because one of my bfs is type 2 and I can see the difference now. she needs to help people even they don't need her help, in my case I would love to help someone who asked for. I guess I can't be a type 1 bc is hard for me finishing my projects, but I really love to organize my house clean everything and push my kids to do better. I'm kind of shy sometimes so I thought I could be a type 5, also because I like to read and search a lot of new things and when I focused and can go deep. but most of the times a prefer to know about a lot of things instead of going deep and master on a certain topic. hope this videos of 7s help me to find my real enneagram type 🙏
The fact that this is almost an hour long 🧐 it's for 7s!! LOL kudos to all the 7s who actually say through all this 😂 my bfs a 7 and it would be a gd MIRACLE if he would.
I´m a 5 and I´ve watched all enneagram types one hour long videos, and still watching xD My cousin is one of my best friends and he is a 7, I never understood him until today, I was not able to do so, at all, we are too different, but now I understand, but I know that if I give this video to him he won´t watch it lol
@@misovejasescuchanmivoz LMAO, unless he's a reeeally healthy 7. I'm a 2 so I get super passionate about certain topics for very emotional relational reasons and become like a 5 about soaking in the facts like a vacuum 😃
@@jfish032 It is incredible indeed. You are a people person, I am too as I am a social 5 but I am usually alone xD I´ve been alone for so long, I am alone right now, I live alone with my cat. I´m in good shape and I am handsome but alone due to my personality, I go to the gym and people don´t talk to me and I don´t know how to do it myself xD, now that I know I´m just different I am working to be a healthy 5.
Enthusiasm! Passionate! Idealistic! "Like you discovered the Enneagram and want to make RU-vid videos to share with the world...wouldn't it be a better place if everyone understood it!..." ahm, yeah. That describes me sooo well. LOL! I almost demand that people learn this stuff with my shear excitement over the subject! Social 7 w 6 here...
ROSE COLORED GLASSES! I feel attacked 😂 I am such a sexual 7, holy cow! I feel like I have a lot of social 7 in me, too. This video helped me understand myself so much better.
I know that I am not supposed to decide what type someone else has but this video made me realize that my husband is a 7. My older son is clearly a 7 but my husband doesn't fit the stereotype of a 7. Your detailed explanation of the types of 7s helped me to see him more clearly. If you hadn't guessed it by my opening sentence, I am a 1. My husband of nearly 35 years really helps me to get to the "orchard on the hill" because he is a 7. He makes me very happy and he encourages me to laugh at myself, which I really need to do in order to stay healthy as a 1. Thanks for doing this series!
ive got a social-self preserving 7w6 for a daughter. and im a self preserving-social 3w4. ive watched a bunch of your videos, and I just want to say thank you for putting this information out here into the world wide web. youve helped me so much not only in figuring out my own imbalances, but in seeing where she's been suffering. youve helped me improve and calm down my daughter and i's relationship. just thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏
Great video! Thank you. I am 7; hard to say what subtype as none is 100%. It rather feels like I can switch between them depending on problem or life situation or as a result of personal growth. I feel like 7 with 50% sexual, 30% social and 20% life preservation as I can relate to all 3 subtypes at the same time but one take over the others from time to time.
I'm late but, if you haven't done so already I suggest you look into function stacks. Sounds like you're an sx/so with sp blind, but just decently developed sp
I'll probably say I hate you under the 5 video, so now I'm saying I absolutely adore you. I love how it's really in-depth but also kept fully in the real-life mode. I mostly use Enneagram to build more realistic fictional characters, so this is exactly what I needed.
I am a 7w8 sx and I work with sex offenders as a forensic therapist. I feel like this ability to move toward pain combined with my belief in total redemption and ability to reframe allows me to be able to sit with pain and darkness. However, the enneagram helped me immensely understand my work is to sit with pain, shadow, and reality.
I was married to a self preserving 7. We were always moving or getting a different car. He was always changing jobs. Eventually, he decided he needed to change wives. Self preserving 7’s leave a lot of pain and destruction behind them....
Hey, being that myself, and in college, I have been stressing myself out so much that i cant even enjoy myself because I am afraid that my future job will lack the fulfillment that I am searching for. So I am so sorry you had to deal with that, because damn, I myself, a great great person when healthy, was kind of a mess over my major. Ive changed it 2 times and last week, Jesus and myself just came to the conclusion to stick with my major! I wanted 5 things but I only need 3 things to be happy. This major will give me those 3 things:)))) I also just went through a breakup with my first love, and I left quite a bit of pain behind on both sides:((( Any advice? Some things your husband needed to know or hear?
@@lukec5729 my main piece of advice would be to try as best you can to have balance in your life. Type 7’s are so energetic and full of life, which is great, but can spin their life out of control of not kept in check. Life is fun, but life is also responsibility. Life is fulfillment, but life is also sometimes denial. I think it is also valuable for 7’s to have some people in their inner circle who are not like them, to help keep them grounded.
Every time I dream about the next project and put my heart into it and build up to it and then when i am there, well... I start to think about the next project 😃
The high of envisioning is way better than the high of actually going for it. That’s when reality hits and reality shows you that it ain’t gonna be so fun 😂
This CHANNEL!!!!!! When I took the RHETI I came out as a 4 on top and a 7 second. When I watched this video on the subtypes I started to understand that perhaps why I came out as a 4 is because I am a sexual 7. My therapist helped me realize I am more of a 7 because I avoid my problems/feelings instead of relishing in them. I am a singer-songwriter who writes a lot of sad songs, but a lot of them have an optimistic spin.
I'm a 5 and going more into depth into the types so I can create more realistic characters for some books I want to write. These have been so helpful!!! I've also managed to type two of my friends. One friend in particular I was convinced she was a 2 now I'm convinced she's a Social 7. Thank you!!!
Thank you for this, Dr. Tom. When you discussed the social 7, with your personal transparency, I felt like you were reading my thoughts. Spot on. Interesting though, during my 40's (and actively drinking), I feel I was more the sexual type. Sobriety has been a blessing in so many ways! From learning acceptance, staying present, facing the damage I caused, and focusing on gratitude, the tools from a 12 step program has made me a healthier version of me. I'm really enjoying learning from you. Next, to decide if I'm an 8 or 6 wing!
Another great post. Thank you. I'm a Five who had a Seven as a close friend growing up, and this was both exhausting and painful to listen to. I wasn't sure I could finish it. I can so recognize the charisma and energy and fun of a Seven, but also the unending restlessness, self-centeredness, and long string of broken promises. I know it's great to be a Seven and keep the pedal to the metal hopping from one experience to the next, but do realize that it has a toll on the people around you. It might be hard to understand how just being a funloving, enthusiastic person can cause anyone else hardship, but I encourage you to listen to what Tom has to say. Every type has their own share of shortcomings--Fives definitely do--but I believe a lot of us are much more aware of them. The Seven seems to often be the least aware of them and can be shocked to learn that just being a neat and positive person could ever have a downside for their friends and family.
Brandon Barnes While I agree wholeheartedly with the message in the video about 7’s not realizing how selfish their actions can be (7 here and these vids have really opened my eyes to some of the consequences my actions have on others that I never considered before) I have to say that it is definitely not always “great being a 7 and putting the pedal to the metal”. Being a 7 can be extremely painful and exhausting, especially when we are confronted with really tough life circumstances. I really actually hate being a 7. Sure, when things are good I have a lot of fun and enjoy being so enthusiastic but the absolute inability to sit still with myself has taken a major toll.
For me it's the other way around, which was why I identified as a 5 the last few months. I am thinking about others constantly and what my decisions and my words do "to" them. At some point you HAVE to ignore what it does to others because you'd go mad otherwise. I ask others if I annoy them and bother them, because ppl in my past told me multiple times that I AM ANNOYING. So I ask "Am I bothering you? / Am I annnoying?", they say it's cool usually (I also don't wanna ask that too often, that can be annoying, too). So the bumblebees in my butt are always humming, whether I let it out on the sunny side or I keep it inside the shadows in my head. You don't KNOW whether people "realize" stuff or not! We might very well recognize it but not knowing what to do about it. What else than feeling bad about being ourselves does your comment accomplish? You don't have one practical tipp for a 7, you just say "realize this", which is based on the assumption that we don't. But as said, you don't know that. Let's say, I did realize that, what am I supposed to do about it to make a 5 like you feel less exhausted? Try to reread what you wrote... there is 0 useful information in your comment, it just sounds like a complaint. And to be honest: What do you think would help in your case? Maybe it's a misunderstanding from my side, but I don't think that a person who is just being themselves can do too much - not without introducing constant worry about how others feel. Instead of telling 7s to "do realize it has a toll on other people" maybe we could tell you as the exhausted 5 friend to "learn to voice your opinion". Kinda hurts, right? Bc I don't know the full picture? Yeah, guess what! Same here... Sure, go ahead, tell others what to do or how not to be without providing helpful suggestions - but honestly, just speaking black and whitish (which is super hard for me lol): if they don't want to worry about others, that's YOUR problem, not the other person's. And you need to deal with it. Not the person who is just being themselves. You need to have proper boundaries, voice your opinion in a way that is helpful, not only butthurt, and stand up when you are exhausted instead of pushing it down until it frustrates you.
Amazing! I have not laughed so hard at something so true in a loooong time. "I have always wanted to do this. It's been my dream since...lunch" Omg, i resemble that remark....! 👍👑🏆🏅
LAUGHING SO HARD... this is so me...I do have my own personal mafia. But those people in my life that I lean on enjoy it most of the time because it can be one hell of a fun exciting ride.
“It’s been my dream since lunch!”... Lolol! My God, this is truth! 🤣🤪 Watching your videos has been in some ways even more like looking in a mirror, than actually looking in my bathroom mirror, Sir. 👍🏻
I'm pretty sure I'm a social 7, and I experience it more as (major) fear of being seen as a bad person; as opposed to wanting to be seen as a good person. Of course I love praise and admiration, but if it comes at the cost of restricting myself, then the prospect of praise won't do much for me. Rather, it's the fear of being thought of negatively that motivates most of my altruistic actions
I love your channel! Thnx for all the content, helps me understand myself better so I can break those bad habits of "leaving our families behind" that 7's tend to do. Meditation and sitting STILL and not doing is helping me alot.
Feeling quite emotional listening to this. As a 7 it did sting a lot especially the not following through on promises part, and the lonely cut off extrovert who’s more like an introvert. It’s so funny to me, I heard about the enneagram a few years ago but I related most to the 3 and I was worried that 3s were self centred and I didn’t want to be that so I didn’t take the test...to avoid the pain of facing the truth about myself. Only recently took the test and I got 7. Couldn’t have been more 7 behaviour if I’d tried 😂
Took the longest time to realize I'm an Sp/So 7w8 "Only way to feel the noise is when it's gettin' loud"- Overkill by Mötörhead I get super absorbed in acquisition. So much that it separates me from people and leaves me empty...I wanna live in the present. Thanks for this
@@hannahferguson6383 haha! Same here, the "problem" with RU-vid, is that it shows recommended videos just to the right! I noticed you also said it's a LONG video., another Seven Comment, like I would say :)
Oh wow I am totally a social 7, but I'm not afraid of commitment. I use to be when I was a SP 7. I want connection and commitment. When I enter a relationship I know I am very serious with this person. That's probably my ENTJ way of being.
19:10 - 19:17 wow I just realized that my little brother is this subtype of a 7 and I always thought I was insane for thinking that I shouldn’t have to put up with his nonsense either. Saying this as a type 9. Because often the self rationalizing just becomes a bit ridiculous and consequently manipulative.
I'm starting to understand others' annoyance with me my entire life. Took me years to make a system that keeps up with all the appointments I make, and I still screw it up sometimes. Wouldn't make lists until recently either, but my life is so busy and it became imperative I not drop so many balls so often. Funny how kids become your reason for growing up and getting off the playground yourself 🤪
Wow, this video really shocked me. What I came to realise not too long ago was that both me and my father are both 7’s. I always knew he was a 7, even when I first started to get into the enneagram. Me on the other hand, I never thought I would be a 7, it was the type (along with 8) that I dismissed because I never “related” to anything about them. Also, I didn’t think much of me possibly being a 7 because I am nothing like my dad at all. But, upon researching further (which I barely do), I decided I was a 7 just like my dad. But, what made me realise is that my dad is a self-preservation 7w8 (sp/so), while I am a social 7w6 (so/sx). No wonder I couldn’t compare myself to him. This video was a real shocker. Now I can understand why my dad does things that he does.
I’m a sexual 7 but I’m not like you described us.. I think to be pretty realist and I don’t feel the need to see things amazing when they aren’t. I’m a 7w8 so maybe that’s why.. I’m honest with myself if something is negative is negative.. 😊 maybe I’m an atypical seven for this but I don’t think it would keep me safe in the world to see everything bright when it’s not.. it’s better to face the reality to solve the problems 😁 This is not an absolute of course
The real question is, how do you as a seven shoot for your dreams, put in the hard work to attain what you believe is possible while maintaining an “idealistic view” of what is actually attainable, given your circumstances? How do you not confuse contentment with complacency?
Mamata Abdou an Enneagram expert I heard once said about 7’s”. They confuse boredom with peace.” The drive for more, more, more is exhausting to me 7w8. I pace myself now, focusing on serial completion rather than sheer variety, mastery rather than dabbling, and presence rather than the flight of imagination. I’ve grown a lot by being intentional and calming the lonely little girl inside with extreme soul care. :). Much love to all 7’s out there!
I was married for 30 years to a 7sp and it was a very difficult relationship. The way you describe 7w8 sp feels pretty accurate. Despite my desire to self reflect or take accountability for my own contributions to the difficulties, I still feel confused about my responsibility in the matter. (I'm 9w1 sx, INFP).
I was married to a 9w1, INFP, sx....I left after he quit his job (right after marriage) and didn’t do anything for 2 years. His work ethic and “sloth” like self-centeredness was the reason ended. However, we are still good friends, I just need someone who is fun, strong, and makes my $ better not worse.
@@elitecoaching4927 I fell in love with a 9 (my first love) and we just got out of a 7 month relationship (2 weeks ago). I loved her before I truly knew her. I literally dont like her personality type at ALL (the sloth like work ethic AND self-centerdness was unattractive). Opposites and nothing in common. I fell in love with her heart, soul, and mind. Not her personality truly
@@elitecoaching4927 Also, I really really liked her and I just know that was a hard two years and continually painful relationship to think about. We are both looking for the same kinda person now (unless... nice lol) :)). She left me with sexual insecurities which really sucks because I never had them before. I am not too sure whether its just guilt or confidence or a mix. I'm only saying that last part beacuse earlier, I read your comment about being a sexual therapist of a sort.
Oh, ouch! I love it, but wow, that smarts! For years, I thought I was a 9w8. Just recently I decided to actually look into 7 a bit more deeply and this is exactly me. (I dismissed any 7 results as just coming from my ADHD, and I always got 7, 9 and 2 as test results. I was clearly not a 2, as while I want people to do well, I don't love doing things for people and only do it if it's necessary or if it's expected/required. And why would I be a 7, I'm responsible and care about others! Clearly a 9, I like harmony, I like people to get along. lol) 7w6, social here! I got married young and have a pack of kids, but have a sense of being trapped and claustrophobic when my husband references growing old in the house we now live in.
My bf is a SP, his mom and me feels like the best part of the meal is eaten by others and we are just eating scraps and leftovers. Worst part is the' others' in this case can be complete strangers and unsavoury characters in the community. If I didn't learn the enneagram, I would have given up on him long ago.
U described sp as an adolescent, so as an adult and as a child, doors that mean so is a higher state, sx is a lower state and these 3 states are on either a progression.or regression path? Is that p plausible?
Real question though: remind me again WHY it’s good to be in pain and suffering? Reality sucks a lot of the time, and if you can’t change a crappy situation, why even look at it? I really don’t get this. I feel like “because you will get to feel the entire breadth of human emotion” is always the answer ppl come up with as to why we should acknowledge reality, and that’s just not a good enough incentive for me. Pain hurts, and people are basically saying that you should feel pain so like, you can feel pain. That’s the reason? What am I missing?!
This is a really good question. I don’t have all the answers but I would say it helps to connect with other people better. Because pain is part of the human experience whether we like it or not. It helps to see ppl and understand them better, care for and love them better. It also helps us, cause the feelings we avoid are still there in our bodies, as energy. In order for them to be released, we must feel them and recognise them. When we don’t, it stays in our bodies as triggers. We might end up reacting to things in disproportionate/harmful ways and never knowing why. And most importantly, pain is a teacher, when you get curious about the root of the pain. When you drink hot coffee too fast and it burns your your tongue , you learn that you should slow down and let things cool. Same with emotional pain. Points you towards things that need to change, and you gain so much wholeness and insight from what it’s pointing you towards. It may be love, it may be how you want to be a better friend, how you want to take care of yourself. I can’t imagine experiencing life without pain.
As a 7sx I relate to this so much. Candyland was my favorite game as a kid too haha. I would say Michael Scott from The Office is a narcissist though, which is why he is that way and annoying also.
My wife describes being with me ( A type 7) as a wind up toy, very loud and fun for a bit and then falls over and everything stops (when i get sad/depressed).
Flight Attendants? Travel the whole world, new experiences, being admired, - but serving people and help people on planes to cover up their needs as a 7 :-)
Thank you so much. Now I understand I am a 7w8 and that is why that sometimes I thought I was an 8! Think to act and then feel in a bold and direct way. My face 😄
It's really interesting that I'm a so/sp 5, whenever i stressed, i go to sx 7, constantly idealize about perfect reality despite raw data from world, like a 4.
There’s is so much insight in your videos, but again I think you are confusing or mixing levels of health with subtype. Each subtype can be healthy and mature and each subtype can be unhealthy and immature.
absolutely correct - I am a social, and I stay a social as my subtype; no subtype is "healthier" or more balanced due to their subtype; we are healthy or unbalanced due to the usual: self-care, conscious awareness - therapy if needed, intimate connections, etc
Wow ... Your approach is very different from others I've seen: self-preservation is usually more like 1; social like 7; sexual like 8. For me the most childish 7 is the social one. ;-)
How is social 7 the most childish one though..? Social 7s spend most of their time away from glutonny trying to be as kind as possible. If not 1 then social 7s are like 2s
@@thesevenkingswelove9554 Search for "peter pan syndrome"; you'll understand more about "how". Yes, social 7s are similar to 2s, but from different motives
So my old boss owned a karaoke company, the epitome of a self preserving 7. Endless pleasure, entertainer type, almost forced entertainment. ie, if you were in the bar and you didnt seem 💯 enthused, he would go pester you, and charm you til you couldn't help but grin at him.. not above self mockery to get a smile. 🤣 But that calculating, salesey, self referencing, making deals that benefit themselves, gaslighting, reframing something in the most positive light.. That man could sell bar owners on karaoke shows though 🤑 Everything he wanted to do, he leaned, asserted, and "enthused" the SWO (not the "T") Are all 7s collectors? My daughter is a 7, and i CAN NOT get rid of any of her toys, scraps of paper with half finished stuff.. she remembers whats missing, and is SOO wounded if later she remembers something, a toy she hadnt played with in months.. its as if i stabbed her. The wants = seen as needs thing though, last night, she wanted my water, and went to snatch it across the table, i said woah, and i asked her to ask me. She refused, wouldn't ask, then when i said alright, no. And she went off to her room and literally started throwing stuff around. 🤦🤣 #mydramaqueen
lol....the Disney channel life...Maybe that's why I like those shows. I am a social 7w6 but I think I just look at those shows as "Gee, wouldn't that be great"
Beautifully summed up for another seven to hear to be present to the here .. happiness is in the here and now .. great podcast thank u .. I ve done the ennergram course many years ago and forgot just how insightful in nature it is about our whole self .. in owing my whole self in the present .. nurturing it for who I am thank u ❤
I love your site and have watched most. I am in relationship with a seven but I am an eight. I have a four pound Yorkie and am convinced he is an eight. Do you have an opinion on dogs? Does the enneagram app,y to dogs in your experience?
HAHAHAHHAHA I fell in love with a 9 (my first love) and we just got out of a 7 month relationship. I loved her before I truly knew her. I literally dont like her personality type at ALL. Opposites and nothing in common. I fell in love with her heart, soul, and mind. Not her personality truly
@twlahue Oh, I don't mind the length. I appreciate your thoroughness. I just thought it was funny that both 7s complained about the length like they'd rather be teleported 🛸 somewhere else. 😆
I listened to this thinking I was a 7w8, which I guess would be a self preservation 7, but also wondering if I could be a 3w4. Right before I listened to this I was almost positive that I was a 7w8, but now I'm wondering if that's not true. Maybe I'm a 3w4. The gist is that I'm probably the most career oriented, driven person I know, but also fairly strategic. Spontaneous, yes. Hate bordem and addressing pain, yes. Loving to be hilarious yes. I'm many things, but I'm not reckless, mostly because that won't get me where I'm trying to go. You can't be successful and also reckless. I'm gonna go watch your 3 video and see if I'm better matched there.
Not an expert, but I feel like 3’s seek success for different reasons than 7’s. 7’s want to be successful so they have more money, power or whatever to do what they want. 3’s, on the other hand, are very image conscious and will seek success to be admired and to attain status. They are competitive and want to be the best at whatever they pursue. If they’re a contemplative nun, they want to be the best at contemplation LOL. A 7 is more into pleasurable activities and pursuits and recognize that money and power will help them get those things. Mind you, 7s are not always materialistic. A 7 can live a very simple life so long as their need for entertainment/information/pursuits are met. I for one live quite simply, but I have a need to explore interesting ideas and relationships and will work hard to achieve that freedom. If I have to get a ton of work done during the week in order to enjoy my weekends I’ll do it. The important thing is that my desires are met. I don’t care at all about how others perceive me and I have no interest in social climbing. In fact, I don’t even consider how other people perceive me unless it could somehow stand in the way of my pleasures. For instance, if I’m really into tennis, I’m not going to make the tennis club angry with me, because they could kick me out of the club. Their opinions of me only matter so far as they can prevent me from doing what I like. If they think my outfit is outdated, I couldnt care less. A 3 on the other hand, cares deeply about their image and wants to look good for the sake of showing the world they are high status. Does that make sense?
I got to section where you spoke of social seven and enneagram. Starting RU-vid and just started laughing. I had just stopped video and shared with my friend (also 7). I’ve gotten all I know Wisdom of Ages book. I’m totally into enneagram right Now. I do this all the time. Get into something. Myers Briggs, Edgar Cayce, Abraham Hicks learn all about. Drive everyone I know nuts about it then.....on to something else.
I'm infj-a also a 7, with age thankfully I had developed myself n my 7 weak spots .. Now I enjoy life but n a settle way. And I know how to focus n a task finish it and then move to another one ... without the always be running.
