I've never fully understood this sentiment. "They apologize because they are feeling guilty, not because they have wronged you." Isn't Guilty the feeling of having wronged someone? If you are apologizing out of a sense of guilt, are you not apologizing out of a sense of having wronged someone? What exactly is the difference here? Serious question.
Poor op of first story. He has become the running joke among his extended family to such an extent that they saw no problem with making fun of him right in front of him.
He was thinking that if anything's caught in his room he would get in trouble that was as far as your brother was thinking. Why would they check sisters room? I don't even think it was about framing his brother it's just about not getting caught
@@SnerMerNer OP needed help, but got kicked out of the family, punished for years,lost his birthday, family trips, etc., etc. For EXACTLY what the brother had done, since he took the fall for brother. So, explain the disparity in treatment in a way that MIGHT make sense
ST1 I’d have laughed in the mom’s face and repeated to them their own words of how disappointed I am and wouldn’t be surprised if bro ended up in the local news as a robbery suspect or worse. They reap what they sow, block them, go nc and live your life op. He gets a mediocre punishment but op got an over the top punishment all those times. The family aren’t worth any relationship with.
Story 1: No forgiveness. No forgetting. They don’t deserve it. What horrible and toxic people. I would never give a second chance to those who never gave me a first chance. I would even change my name to spite them and block them from my life. They aren’t “sorry”, just “embarrassed” at their mistakes. Also, OP is dumb to get back together with them. However, I love the slam he gave his awful cousin who made fun of him. Don’t dish what you can’t take.
Right??? if he was capable of putting up those cameras only after OP had already been kicked out, the current state of the family is because this man had a very serious lapse in judgment from the beginning.
Story #2 - Internet Troll Girlfriend Let's explain the psychology of this. This will be a deliberately dumbed-down explanation because some of the nuance is contentious and I don't want to respond to a million replies with citations, I hate doing citation, just use Google, lol. The girlfriend is insecure. She's attacking others with her own fears and anxieties, and she's going to be extremely harsh, she'll be as dramatic and hateful as she possibly can because that's what she fears the most. Others respond and tell her off for it, and she doesn't mind that. That's what she wants. The outpouring of support and validation shown for the people she's hurting is the whole point. Those are the things she wishes people would say to her. She's living vicariously through that community backlash. It's too hard for her to open up and discuss her own problems, so she feeds on the support shown to others who are suffering similar insecurities. I would guess she probably has more than one account as well. She may swap accounts and attack her own comments in the replies. Look and see who is following the account, or what other user names frequently post under the known account, I'm betting you'll find her alt account(s) there. People who do this shit love playing both sides. For those interested in sources, I'd point you to "Examining the Concepts, Issues, and Implications of Internet Trolling" ($140 for the PDF, but that's what Sci-Hub is for, lol). Another Book "Shame Nation" is a bit cheaper, but I've only heard a general synopsis, not read it all cover to cover. But I'm confident it touches on this subject. You can also look at the philosophy of "Solipsistism" (Pronounced: Soul-Lip-cyst-ism). This is the idea that on a sub-conscious level, people believe they are the only sentient being with real ideas, emotions and a sense of self. Everyone else is an "NPC" of sorts, they look and act like you, but it's superficial. You cannot know their mind or feel their emotions, so those must not exist. This is not the same a Narcissism or Sociopathy, those suggest an indifference to other's personage, whereas Solipsistism suggests others experiences are not "real" to begin with. Add that to a sense of anonymity online, and it's a powder-keg. The colloquial term if "Phone-nuts"... people can be overly confident and sometimes jerks on the phone because they're dealing with a disembodied voice from the receiver, not a person, face-to-face. Same concept, different scope.
Sadly this can happen in families. Even though op was proven innocent. The rest still see them as a theif. It probably won't change. With how long brother got away with it and after his accident when he was joy riding. Also why dose op act like it is something new. The brother was the golden child. Who kept stealing and blaming op. Then tired to blame sister. When he got actually punished for once he flipped out more. Brother might have a drug problem. Or they are narcissists who think they can just do whatever they want.
the brother in story 1 drugs is higly likely involved might be some mental stuff as well and mommy dearest should get a reality call that she cant toss op under the buss any more to keep the peace if she wants her oldest son in her life
Story 1) The point about guilt and gifts is so true. First off if its a gift thats awful. It should be pentance. But if OP did not take anything then the parents would use that as a write off. "See! This is why we never trusted you!" A similar thing happens if you owe someone money. "They gave it to me. It should be a gift. Why are they trying to take money from a poor person.
Story 1 - change your freaking last name. Who even needs enemies when you have a family like this. I'd tell op's sister to use her brain. Her stupid brother tried to frame her just like op. Op's mom doesn't deserve sympathy just because she's throwing herself a pity party. ofc they won't actually punish the thief. They already went way over the top with op and drove op away with their cruel actions. They don't want to drive op's brother away too. Most importantly, they won't punish him because doing so will mean admitting he's not perfect and also admitting they failed somewhere as parents raising their son to think any of this was acceptable. They'd rather rug sweep and act like they didn't ruin op's reputation for no reason besides not being the favorite child. People might think it's a mental disorder but I don't buy it. He just sounds like a spoiled brat finally getting real world consequences. Lastly, screw op's uncle and his daughter. It's fine for them to dish it out but they can't take it. Screw op's mom for that please just keep the peace bs. She needs to control her side of the family. Story 2 - op's ex needs to log off and get a different hobby for the indoors if going outside gives her too much anxiety. She's disgusting. Op made the right choice recording everything as he was confronting her. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her. A situation like this she could have easily gotten op in big trouble with a false accusation or two.
"They apologised because they feel guilty not because the wronged me" This is such a bizarre sentence. What is guilt if not feeling bad for one's mistakes
The apology is more about making themselves feel better than them actually caring about how they treated him. IF they were concerned about him they would have tried to help him instead of cutting him off and expelling him.
The fact that the parents did not immediately jump to punishing the brother in any meaningful way until OP Express frustration over it is proof that there was definitely some favoritism going on.
Story 1, while I’m glad OP stood up for his brother’s mental health issues and himself, and as much I’m a believer of second chances, I do think it’s best for low contact. The family says they’re sorry, but it’s too fast and they need to really realize what they done and suffer more.
okay LOOK. If you want to cause pain for fun there's a WHOLE subculture based around people who like that. Go find it and stop being a horrible human being.
Story 1: OP should NOT have accepted ANYTHING! It's all about trust! It's WAY TOO SOON and his parents STILL don't have their heads on straight. When OP defended himself from that nasty cousin, his parents should have either beat him to the punch or backed him up! NOT ASK HIM TO APOLOGIZE! Their heads are still screwed up and they will need YEARS to unfook themselves. OP should be focusing on himself and living his best life..... far, FAR AWAY from his crazy family.
Ive never understood the logic of "Oh we wronged you and want to make up and act like nothing happened and you are not allowed to deny us this because we apologized." These are the exact same people who will hold a small slight 20 years ago like you broke a vase, but apparently nuking someones life and abandoning them is classified as the same thing as a broken vase.
He needs to go lc with his family in the update he talks about going to mom's birthday dinner and clapbacks at cousin his uncle berates him and aays you're still on thin ice...thin ice for what? Why didn't OP's parents step in. If mom wanted to keep the peace with her side of the family, why didn't the father shut them down at least? OP needs to cut his losses.
Story 1 I'm all in op needs to forgive them for him to have inner peace. But that doesn't mean he has to allow the to be part of his life anymore. What they did is so bad any chance of reconciliation is out of the window
He doesn’t need to forgive them. Until the parents have shown a response equivalent at least as great to what he experienced, there’s no need to even consider them. And they should be told that they will never be trusted like the way we’re in the past, as they’ve shown they can’t be trusted.
Why do so many people think you need to forgive these toxic parents and family members in order to heal? That is the dumbest crap to tell a victim who's been blamed for theft for years. The only forgiveness a victim needs is to forgive themselves for what happened and realize none of it was their fault.
Last story: I have dyslexia, ADHD, and autism spectrum disorder. Mental illness is very real. I spent all of grammer school being called a 'r@tard'. I am compassionate towards her only mental illness, but have zero tolerance for this kind of hate.
His sisters reaction tell she knew what was up. Strait up F the lot of them. Op never had video games to begin with. Op should have gotten a camera long ago amd showed the rest of the extended family that the relatives that he has tp be kept by already knew this before you showed them. Say they grounded you extra for lieing, spying and trying to frame "my" transgressions on my beloved brother. Then ask of anyone of your relatives are actually family of theirs or none of them going to give you a home? If they decided you should remain untill able to escape you wouldnt be surprised just disappointed. Let them deal with fall out
Whether the parents realize it or not, it sounds like they definitely had a bias in favor of the younger brother and never even considered the possibility that he might be guilty.
Story 1, op is too gentle. Your parents do it probably because they doesn't think you would reject them. And as far as you trying you would never be their priority. Its been long gone. Whats the point of sitting with them or breath near them
That's sad they it's okay to think they can just buy their way back into op's life because they feel quilts don't accept anything from people like this
S1: tell everyone they made golden child that way and not to expect you to fix their mistakes. the best thing they can do is if he gets in trouble, let it happen and don't save him. guys like him don't learn consequences until the police get involved
I was 100% in favor of the husband in the second story, but she has a point about people making shit up when they’re losing an argument, and doing that with mental illnesses is especially in vogue lately. She’s still very much in the wrong though.
Story 1: OP is much better than me, 'cause I would have taken the money and go NC. I think his parents have a long way to go before being deserving of forgiviness. Story 2: OP did what is best for him. She acts like this 'cause she doesnt think there will be any consequences. Imagine if she could cheat without consequences. Imagine if she could steal! Those are the worst!
For the 1st story its weird people were telling him to take the money. Saying sorry and offering money is very low class, and accepting it brings you down with them. Its best for OP to forgive for his own sake, but not necessarily stay in contact with the family
I'm going to disagree, the money they offered is nothing more than what they OWE him for having denied him his birthday, and jobs, and family vacations, for YEARS, because their other son was a thief
You cant cut them off or go low contact but then want them to trust you and be by your side lol pick one, if you want them to be better parents to you then you have to give them a chance to make it up, buying stuff is something they can do right now but the rest will take sometime, OP just sounds like he wants to hurt them for what happen in the past
With story 2 I feel like the OP isn't a great partner lol. He snooped on her reddit secretly and then recorded confronting her. He mentioned that she was agoraphobic so you would think there would be some more compassion. What she was doing wasn't alright but she probably just liked getting some attention even if it was the wrong way. She needs help and empathy. OP doesn't have to stay with her cause no one is owed a relationship but it feels weird to shame her and break up the way he did
Reading your comments sounds right, however the relationship started with a major personality flaw of OPs partner, lying by omission of her habits that happened at least the better part of 7 years before the relationship and is still happening. Her dismissal when confronted is telling. The most he owes is to himself to get away from her completely while protecting himself.
Recording things is how you keep a clear cut unedited version of the events that happen to maintain innocence from anything that or anyone who shows or says anything happened that the video or recorded evidence proves DID NOT. Any lawyer would absolutely tell you the same thing.
Yeah you sound a lot like every other bully-apologist pos I’ve met before. Idgaf bullies deserve to be shamed fullstop. She could be the reason that someone hurts themselves or even kill’s themselves but you obviously don’t have enough empathy inside you to care about that. And recording potential argument is the best way to cover your ass. She could claim that he did or said anything at all. If someone is unhinged enough to lie to and harass and stalk people online, she’s unhinged enough to lie to get someone else in trouble when she feels her lies and relationship crumbling around her.
Story 1: forgive but never forget, it's goon on OPs parents to have realized the truth and are taking steps to correcting their mistakes and standing up for OP; the brother is getting his do punishment and hopefully the help he gets will improve his life. Story 2: bullies, as cheaters, deserve no mercy, take her out with what she is and tell her why; my petty side would be to make new accounts every time to counter-bully her, bullies will dish it out but 9 times out of 10 they can't take it. "i don't know" oh, she does know, she just doesn't want to admit it.
