Episode 13: Black Women Who Date White Men: The Real Tea 

I am white and my wife is black. We have been married 18 years and never argue and she is my soul mate.

I’ll take a provider over a swagger any day…

I am a black woman and married to a white man. I call him my Italian stallion. I have never been treated better. This man loves my soul. Ten years going strong. Black women step out, you deserve to be loved too.

I have dated both black and white men, for me what matters the most is the individual's personality, not so much the race. Being comfortable in your skin is also very important.

A relationship is not about sex, once American realizes this. This society is too sexualized. It's sad.

I’ve had all races of men to approach me and the white man approach always seems to be more gentle/ respectful towards me then any other race.

What's funny is if Black Men don't see Black Women as desirable...what makes Black men think Black women see other Black men as desirable? Talk about a big conceited ego and assumption about how ALL black women think!!!!!

39 years married to a white man. Just love my man. That's it.

I am a black woman married to a black man for 20 years. I would not trade our closeness and culturally in sync and he gets the black experience. That said, the white man + black woman marriage is statistically last longer than white man + white woman or black man + white woman relationships. So that says to me that black women make excellent wives when our needs are met in a marriage no matter the race of her husband.

So black women should settle just to date black. Nah bye girl date who likes you and who you like.

For years, we have seen black men with white women. Even decades ago, I told my sister that things would change, and black men and white women would be very angry with the change, because in the future, white men would be choosing black women. And now it is happening. White men are choosing black women and vice-versa at a record pace. Now white women are jealous and so are black men. But guess what? Too bad. Times are changing and we are changing with the times!

Check back with the sistah who doesn't date outside her race in about 20 years.

My husband is white, and I'm black. I have never been treated better. When I couldn't find what I needed in my own race. I changed my mate must haves.. Let's just say, he made my choice very easy.

Married to a strong Afro-latina and I am blessed by her being my wife... she isn't just black to me... she is my warmth and happiness... she fills my world with joy... and when I wake up next to her she is the first thing on my mind... and when I go to sleep she is the last thing on my mind... its that simple... I don't see my wife as black... she's just my wife to me...

As a white dude I have always found black women fascinating, smart and damn funny. I just want the black ladies out there to know a lot of white guys find you attractive but we feel like you are not interested in us, you ladies just feel so unattainable. I think the media and entertainment need to show more white men and black women couples to show that it isnt some scary thing to avoid. I love black women and it hurts my soul that so many will be alone.

Talking about black men swag exactly why she gon stay single

Oh also, my husband understands micro aggressions and things like that. Having biracial children made him more empathetic. These women are not representative of the women dating other races of men SERIOUSLY. If your husband is not empathetic to ra usual issues affecting you, he’s not that into you.

Sad thing is that BW in the Jean jacket, whose caping hard for BM; will end up single & lonely! Because BM aren’t checking for overweight BW like that 😣 Many BM prefer to date outside their race. So why stay loyal to BM who aren’t staying loyal to you 🤦🏽‍♀️ I’ll pray for her lol

What's interesting is how much BW are expected to contextualize the BM "struggle" but yet BM who folks claim are the "only" ones who can "relate" to BW doesn't seem to have the ability to contextualize the BW experience. In addition, if all that was said about why BM date out was because of BW being to strong etc...they why aren't BM seeking African black women instead of non-BW I will tell you why because 1) they are usually not interested in blackness 2) BW live in a BM worshipping community and BM feel that BW are not worthy of them and we are not the prize and 3) BM seems to know BW "value" when they NEED BW but they have no desire to uplift their children or women,

That black girl with the jean jacket on needs to go sit down somewhere 😒

Tequilla caping super hard for BM when most black men won’t even check her.

Whoa... I have actually had more positive experiences with WM than BM. All the men who introduced me to their families were white or Asian. Here's my worst story with someone white that could be directly attributed to being black: Was on a date with a WM and to make a long story short, my wig caught on fire. I panicked, ripped it off my head and threw it away from me. Needless to say I was completely mortified! This was date #3 with this guy, who didn't know I wore wigs. This WM didn't bat an eyelash. He put out the fire, made sure I wasn't burned, picked up the wig, but instead of handing it back to me, he asked why I wore it, and would I be comfortable showing him my real hair. I went in a bathroom and took out all my cornrows, did the best I could to comb my hair with my fingers, and stepped out looking a hot mess. What he said next changed my life. He simply said if I like wigs, feel free to wear them, but my real hair was just as beautiful, and he hoped I wasn't trying to hide such lovely hair with a wig. I eventually stopped wearing wigs or braids with him after that. Conversations about bonnets, overwhelming hair products, "wash day", police brutality, growing up black, were super easy because he was just focused on learning about my experience, and what did I need to feel safe and loved. Two years later we got married. I still actively participate in Black causes that affect black teens, and I am still every bit a black woman. My husband is a wonderful ally. We travel the world together, and he educates himself on where I might not be treated the same as him, and how does he need to show up in those instances to make sure I am safe, both as a black person AND as a woman. I wouldn't trade his character, protectiveness, integrity, values, sense of family, thoughtfulness, ability to take care of me for swag ever. Not for one minute.

I was married to a black man who was very well Educated and quite handsome, hes up with every woman in San Francisco black white Asian anyone who would sleep with him. I spent many lonely days. Once I left him, I met the most wonderful white man we were together 30 years. Such such a peaceful, loving relationship. Never another women involve. Thank you lord for that peaceful period in my life.

When she said black men let us feel strong and protected. My mouth dropped straight to the floor. It's fascinating how black women drop their standards without a thought for black men but their standards go higher for nonblack men. When the young lady in the jeans said there is so much about black for eg. their swag which is unique, I roll my eyes, what swag the one that turns their community into more single mothers. The young lady in the orange who said white men don't know when to listen and how to communicate with black women shows how poorly her selection is. I mean you are ready to talk about how blunt or bias white men is, but a blackman can talk about your fake hair, you fat you know what, you plastered makeup. Noone is more critical of black women than black men.Truth be told, 99% of successful, educated black men do not choose within their black community, the statistics and evidence are out there. Bad guest selection Marlie.

Tequila is the type of Black woman most Black men are NOT checking for.

Black men, in general, still struggle with empathizomg with Black women. Character and how he treats/ lift you up is most important. I've dated and received that emotional support from men of all races. Empathy doesn't require experience. Narcissist need experience to empathize. There are good Black men, White Men, Asian, and other men out there. Stop this horrible narrative and get to know people individually.

I had both parents in my home and my mom never worked a day in her life, and I have dated out of my race all of my life. But you have to remember that most black men don’t want to do what it takes to be that great boyfriend or husband like my dad and my brothers.

The woman with the jean shirt on 🙄. Why in world would you date any guy who is not an ally??? If he ain't cool enough to handle and hang with your family and friends why would you even be with him at all

Their idea of masculinity is warped in my opinion. Masculinity is being protective and provisional and treating your woman with respect, not having "swag" Also, Miss Jean jacket is sad and being very juvenile at her big age. She's caping hard for bm who will switch on her real quick. wish her well

Jean jacket is failing the vibe check. I wish her well 🤣

I don’t call black women mammies but if the Bonnet fits Tequila is one. Notice how much Nicole is glowing, she dates what serves her and it shows lol.

I am a white man who wants to date a black woman and this video really helps me see things from the woman's side of things. She is very beautiful and that is why I want to know more about her. I have never dated a black woman before but I am not worried about it too much. I have been divorced for 4 years and am very happy being single if it doesn't work out, but she was so pretty I couldn't help but try to talk to her. She is a person to me, a human being and a very attractive one. She isn't black and I am not white. I am not going into this with color boundaries at all. I really hope she feels the same way.

Tequila was drinking tequila before, during and after this conversation.

I'm Hispanic and Native American man , my woman of my life is a Afro latina she strong will and self confidence , and she very beautiful ! She a Navy officer! And we love each other ! I'm very Happy and also I'm a lucky man to have her in my life. And I thank God for that !!

It’s always the ones with the phenotype they hate the most who are the super mammies. Swag over active fathers, and providers.

Tequila White - What black men can be provide? Lollllll black women are literally carrying the households monetarily and emotionally, even with shared culture. Can someone tell me if she is single?

Some BW are miserable by choice because they are waiting for a standard that they will never meet in a single lifetime. I've dated all races but I find that there are more BW than any other race who choose to only stick to their own race and then they stay alone for decades and then complain that men need to "man up" and find her. As is she doesn't have to put any work of her own into the search. It's self prescribed misery and it's very difficult to find sympathy for them that willingly choose this way of life and then complain about it.

Tequila girl, no no no. 😭 Good luck getting a ring. My white husband purposed so damn quick. I don't lift a finger and he's a provider.

Black women in the white male population of the U.S. have an absolutely stellar reputation... and the look of shock on many of their faces when told this is practically amusing. They are known for being gentle, attentive, humorous, educated, comforting, excellent cooks and even better lovers. (Call me sexist for those last two items but that's just tough. Men like good food and great loving...too bad if that offends.) Many of the black women I've met feel under-appreciated if they're even appreciated at all. My woman and I have been together for years and I love her as much now as the day that I first fell for her. She is my greatest source of joy. God bless her.

how can you say that white men are basically not good enough if you haven't even tried dating them?

These black women are so intelligent. S. Tia Brown speaks so wonderfully. She's a great analyst. Black men dont know what they are missing

What do black men provide exactly? Be specific. Swag and flavor brings nothing to the table during the relationship.

What I don't understand is why the hyper-focus is on white guys when there's other races of men too.

Let's just say there are alot bm out there, who really hated their single mothers. They never realized the struggles, and how the woman had to be the man and the woman in the house. Instead of appreciating her for being the one parent who took on 100% of their parental responsibilities. They need to realize she wasn't perfect, but was there for him, and she did the best she could.

I personally haven’t had to deal with my Eastern European husband not understanding micro aggressions. He isn’t with me because I’m black. The guests were horrible. We talk about social issues, and he can EMPATHIZE with my plight as a BW in America. He’s seen how black people are treated, and talked about when others think they are in a safe space. I dated everyone, and I’ve honestly never dealt with being fetishized by people of no color. I’m light skin, lighter than Marlie. Ive been fetishized by black men more for colorist reasons. I do find Europeans are less likely to be worried about race than Americans. I say all this to say. Women open your options. Do not limit yourselves. You can find horrible men in any ethnic group. Biologically you are supposed to be the pickers of mates not men. Take birds for example, Males are colorful peacocking for the female who does the choosing.

Tequilla White will be alone for a long time, she is going to miss out on a lot of growth

I’m 1/2 Swedish quarter Irish and quarter Native American! To be honest I love black women and Asian women because they aren’t so pompous and self centered! Go ahead and tell me that I’m full of shit! I would love to be with an equal of mine!

I've dated everyone. White, black, Asian, Egyptian, Tunisian, Latino, who am I missing, mixed ethnicities. Everyone has their pros and cons just matter if you vibe and can communicate. I still love my black men but I've also been most hurt by them.

No mo mo no no no! All im hearing is a lack of self confidence. Do not focus on them. We focus too too much on them. Have it in your mind that there are many fishes in the sea. Be open minded and have some confidence that if you dont want me there are others waiting to come forward!

I wish this conversation was among professionals and not single experiences. I'm married to a white man and my experience is totally different from the participation. Also if you have never dated white man you can't share your opinion...sorry. And for the dear interviewer if you being passive aggressive is not professional...she was totally throwing shade on the girl who dated white guys.

I don't care who you are, or what color your SKIN is; EVERYONE needs love. More power and happiness to whomever has found what they consider to be true love ❤️! I'm truly happy for ALL y'all!😁💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

Marlie, you need a better class of guests on this topic...

Color isn't the issue. Self worth is. Make sure that white man your with Lori that loves you for you and not because of what you can afford him. and the woman in the denim shirt, needs to sit down. Both her and the woman with the bamboo earrings seem like broken toys and im not saying that woman is a toy but its more metaphorical. It is hard to heal a broken person. You have to know your worth, even at your lowest

The therapist was on point with how she carried herself and her way of thinking. Jean jacket and orange sweater should definitely book a few sessions with her because they need some guidance and coaching.

It is refreshing to hear women of colour discussing interracial relationships. As an intellectual woman of mixed heritage looking for a man with a similar outside. Although I am single, childless and spiritual I am not expecting to meet a man who is childless, it is still hard to meet white men who are available. There is always hope and prayer keeps me sane! FDH LLB MA

I'm demisexual and for me dating in the Era of FWB, sneaky links, Netflix & chill etc has left me with little to no options. I'm pretty much asexual in the beginning of relations. I love starting off as friends but that word has become so taboo today. They mistake this for permanent friend zoning lol...the only guys who've took the time to understand were WM. They don't pressure into anything....

"certain swag and flavour blk men have that cant be duplicated" oh really.. this "swag" you talk of clearly isnt working otherwise these blk women wouldnt be here having this discussion 🤣🤣🤣

As a white man, I have to comment on Marlie's beauty. I've always been a guy who sees beauty in women of all races. Part of the privilege of being white, I suppose, is that our ethnicity doesn't play a part in deciding our character. There's no social pressure to behave a certain way because we look a certain way. We have the freedom to be individuals and decisive on who we choose as our peer group. With that being said, most white people are much more open and excepting of dating outside our race because there typically isn't that social expectation of who we're going to end up with, as long as they're a person of quality.

Great conversation!

These women are honest. Thank You 🙏🏾

The lady at the 5minute mark is definitely correct about the situation of having to explain things to a partner that is not your race. I have dated both white and black and I will say there is a nice ease that comes with being able to express myself and understand that they know why and everything does not have to be a learning point. With that being said I am engaged to a white guy and the reason it works is because he is willing to learn. Positives on both sides just gotta be willing.

Why the hell I'm here I'm a short mexican dude lol but this is super interesting

I’ve dated several non black races. Where I’ve had to explain how I feel most as a women and a first generation, child of immigrants is with a black man. I either heard I overreacted or I didn’t understand his world or opinion. I’m Haitian, middle class and I’ve been exposed p a lot of different things. Dating men who are the opposite and mature, some don’t have the capacity at a certain age to learn about women who have experienced life differently or to be simply open minded. Maybe I’ve dated the wrong black men. I look at people as people so I need more than a certain color. I want to be treated right, treat him right and be happy. I don’t want to have to curse someone out to be black enough. Anyways, I am in a place where I’m embracing working on me to prepare for who is a good match for me. Have a great day, who ever reads this. Be blessed!

I’m finally stepping out my comfort zone and it is nice here.

I wish the host had had more women on the panel that could speak to more than just the stereotypes and superficial things (like swag or having to explain something, if you are in a relationship, you should be willing to explain, teach and educate your partner, black or white, it’s called communication and besides, as a women, there are a myriad of things you may need to explain to black men too) I would have preferred a more astute panel that could speak to what the two types of relationships each brought to the table in as they relate to basic human needs as described by Maslow (self actualization, esteem, love & acceptance, safety & security, physiological). As demonstrated in the video clip of Lonnie Love. I will say though, the questions asked by the host and the concepts expressed by the Dr (the person in white top, I believed she said was a doctor) tried to get the conversation to a deeper level. But it just wasn’t happening.

"Men are always not looking to settle down". Really?

extremely interesting!!!! serious topics with a slice of humor here and there, I love it. Amazing work!

I just prefer white guys tbh I had rlly bad experiences with black men end of story

This was so interesting but I'd love to view how interracial couples are viewed on an international scale, thank you ladies

By the way this lady (based on her bad experiences) is not painting the right picture about us. I understand that black people still do go through alot of crap and that part of that is people assuming things about them because of bad stereotypes. Im not going to negate that at all. But shes coming from bad experiences and is painting a picture based on those experiences. I just dont think shes the best guest for talking about white men. Maybe its because im a musician but i have alot of personality, swagger, whatever people want to call it. By the way we tend to reveal more as you go. Sometimes we may seem boring but end up having alot of personality and senses of humor as you go. Im a white man and grew up around white man and had white man friends so i have the inside scoop. Im not going to speak bad about black men because 1 thats not me and 2 your brothers and dads are black men and im not going to be disrespectful but if yall are having problems with any of them venture off and dont be on some i have to stay in my race out of loyalty thinking. What if God has different plans for you? And about yall not being found attractive ive heard whites and mexicans and more talk about how theyd date yall and find yall attractive. Alot of men in other races have this perception that yall just want black which is one reason why yall might not be getting pursued by men other races. As for me im going to go out and pursue what i want especially because i know a woman is wired for a man whatever race she is.

"But if you're thinkin' about my baby it don't matter if you're black or white." If he's attractive than he's attractive.

poor guest selection

As beautiful as marlie is and super smart and a magnificent personality I wouldn't want nothing else in life what a woman 💘💘

After watching this all I can think of is how gorgeous Marlie is... and why can’t it be that simple

I’m a white man (23) who’s been dating a black woman (22) for about 5 months. It’s my first time dating outside of my race and her first time dating a white guy for an extended period of time. This video came up in my recommended and I’m really glad I watched, it was really nice to hear all of your perspectives on this subject - I’ve been learning as I go and trying to be cognizant of societal pressures that she might face. We’ve talked a lot about this and I’m glad we can have an open dialogue on race and how it impacts our relationship.

Definitely get out there and take a chance! The majority of my relationships have been with white men, tbh. My husband is white and we’ve been together since 2005. I, personally, don’t have anything against black men at all! I just seem to have interests that align more with white men, I suppose? All I can say is go where you are loved and appreciated regardless of color/race.

I keep hearing about race. It's not race, so much, it's culture. So whether it's a White, Latin, Indian, Asian, etc., it's going to be different because of culture, not the color of one's skin!

Non black men are very polite and respectful towards me even if they are with other people.

Going to other races has NOT increase marriage results for black females

I'm a black woman and with a biracial son. Love all races❤

I so enjoyed this discussion! I appreciate all of these beautiful black women being realistic . I can understand all of the viewpoints the women had. I think I'm over the point of believing that I have to stay within my race when it comes to dating as a black woman. I just know that I have a winning personality and I would appreciate a man that has similar viewpoints as I do and is like minded and has a winning personality as well. I've actually been married to a black man in the past and unfortunately it didn't work and we divorced. I do think as a black woman that I shouldn't be looked down upon by my community if I don't want to limit myself to only black men. I think at the beginning and the end of every day a man is going to act like a man regardless of what color he is. Our cultures could possibly be different, but I think we are more alike then we think and what I mean is people of different cultures are more alike then we think regardless of what color or culture we are we all bleed the same color-red. I've just grown to the point in my life where I don't want to limit myself and possibly miss an ultimate experience of love because a person doesn't show the same skin tone as me. Love doesn't have a color. I think real love can come in any color and I'm definitely open to that.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on these sensitive topics. God bless

My first time dating outside my race and he's white. We had our first date last wknd & the entire date he treated me like a Queen. He made me feel so seen, heard and truly appreciating me. I have never in my entire life had a man do that. Here I was thinking all I wanted to do was marry a BM, until I met my boo. My WM is so gentle with me! The date consisted of: bar arcade, star gazing, nightly boardwalk & long talks. I have never had no BM ask me to go star gazing! 😅 - that excited me to the core to go look at some stars 😂! But frfr I hope my WM & I work out ❤

love this topic

Date abroad/international. Get a passport. Applications @ post office. $150 for 10 years. Dated a Ghanaian. He was kind, made laugh, easy to talk to. Appreciated my beauty. Black women, love 💘, who loves/ respects you.

"Settling" is not a good word. You get what you attract.

I'm a product of a black mother and white father and I love it! My mom said in some of her experience white men are more attentive, romantic, and not to believe the stereotypes that white men are lacking because it wasn't true just like every black man is blessed down there.

First of all these women have not dated nor been in a grown relationship with a white men seriously lol. They definitely need a different panel. I have always dated men who wanted to go out. My husband and I met when we were 22 and 24 yrs old. My husband is a white man who treats me his wife like a queen plus I treat my husband like a king. I'm so blessed by God because I married my best friend pf over 25 years and our families love each other too. LOVE HAS NO COLOR IF YOUR TRULY LOVE SOMEONE 😊

All women are beautiful who love you and deserves to be treated well and deserves with care, love etc

Black men making you feeling guilty for dating white guys but they date white girls. i Love African women because they tret you amazing its not about color.

*Okay algorithm!* This was actually a good suggestion. 👑 I can relate and I've learned some things. ❤❤❤ I love girl talk. 💅🏽

This therapist isn't doing anyone any favors by what she's repeating.

Marlie, I Love your hair! You’re so beautiful! ❤️❤️❤️

Great episode thx ladies!

The chick with the dreads is contradicting herself, she’s confused 🤔

Wow! The way some black women react whenever they see black men dating a Latina, a Chicana, an Asian or European woman you'd think it was the end of West African civilization.

I don't know who this woman is but she's gorgeous oh my God beautiful

" our men" 😒

It’s good to see the point of view i really like it

I grew up in a mixed group of friends. Sometimes I would be asked by girls “are you Oreo?” I was to unknowingly young to understand. My life would have been so different if I did. Still I did date girls of different races, and wish I had been strong enough to withstand the racist comments I heard. It’s so sad ,but I still have hope the kids today will resist and be more open minded. I hope you all will be open to interracial relationships. I believe love is the answer to all the world’s problems.