Mr. Hankey comes to life while Cartman sings about Kyle's mom being a bitch. When poop mysteriously lands on Cartman's face, everyone blames Kyle.
"Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo" S01
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INT. SCHOOL GYMNASIUM - DAY
The nativity stuff has been taken down. A small crew is
in the process of taken down all the pictures of Santa
Claus as well.
Two big guys start to drag the Christmas tree out.
MR. GARRISON
Oh, do you have to take the Christmas
tree too?
BURLY GUY
Mayor’s orders.
The children all watch with sad eyes as their cute little
set is dismantled.
MR. GARRISON
Okay children, I’m really having a
hard time with our Christmas play.
The new law states we can’t sing any
songs having to do with Jesus OR Santa
Claus...
CARTMAN
Thanks to Kyle’s mother.
KYLE
Shut up, Cartman!
MR. GARRISON
So does anybody know any non Santa or
non- Jesus Christmas songs?
Cartman raises his hand.
MR. GARRISON
Yes, Eric?
CARTMAN
How about we sing ‘Kyle’s Mom is a
Stupid Bitch in D minor’.
KYLE
I told you NOT to call my mom a bitch,
CARTMAN!!
CARTMAN
Oh!
MUSIC kicks in.
CARTMAN
Wellllllll....
(Singing)
Kyle’s mom’s a bitch!
She a big fat bitch!
She’s the biggest bitch
In the whole wide world!
She’s a stupid bitch if there ever was
a bitch she’s a bitch to all the boys
and girls.
KYLE
Shut up, Cartman!
As Cartman continues, Mr. Hankey hops out in front of
Kyle. Nobody notices except for Kyle.
MR. HANKEY
Howdy ho!
KYLE
(Softly)
Mr. Hankey!
CARTMAN
Monday she’s a bitch! On
Tuesday she’s a bitch!
And Wednesday through Saturday
She’s a bitch!
And then on Sunday
just to be different
She’s a super king kamayamaya BITCH!
MR. HANKEY
Golly, that isn’t very nice! I’d sure
like to teach him a lesson!
Kyle reaches for Hankey, but Hankey slips through his
hands, leaps off the desk and hurls himself at Cartman.
CARTMAN
Have you ever met my friend Kyle’s mom
She’s the biggest bitch in the whole
wide world, She’s a mean ol’ bitch and
she has stupid hair, she’s a
bi..bi..bi..bi bitch....She’s a stupid
bitch. Kyle’s mom’s a bitch and she’s
a just a dirty bitch. Kyle’s mom is a
BITCH!
The singing and music stops.
KYLE
Mr. Hankey, NO!
MR. HANKEY
Aah!
MR. GARRISON
What the...
Garrison looks down at the little lifeless lump of poo on
the floor.
CARTMAN
GROSS, KYLE!!
MR. GARRISON
OH MY LORD!! KYLE, DID YOU JUST THROW
DOO-DOO AT ERIC?!?!
Kyle is just sitting there, wide eyed, with a big brown
stain on his hand.
KYLE
Uhh...
The whole class erupts into AD LIB ‘GROSS!’s and ‘SICK’s.
CARTMAN
YOU SICK BASTARD!
Kyle slinks in his desk as the children all point and
laugh at him.
6 май 2021
