the bridge, the whole "am i making you feel sick ?" part, is definitely not just for isaiah, it can't be. she's probably wondering that about her community, for the fact that she abandoned her religion, that she ran away from home, but also for the fact that she is trans, cause most trans people, such as myself, wonder if their loved ones think that about them. the longing in her voice, the desperation that the high notes on the back contain, is like she's practically begging to know "does the way i am makes you feel sick ? does the fact that i abandoned what was taught to me since forever disgusts you ?". i've cried to that bridge so many times. hayden really is one of a kind.
It's interesting because i always felt like the outro was her talking to her mom and saying she forgives her for maybe not always being the best mom because of the fact that her father was abusive to both of them. Like her saying "i never blamed you for loving me the way that you did while you were torn apart" idk might be wrong ofc but that's just how i see it, i also think we will see more of this on her next album preachers wife.
no you are right she is talking to her mom in the end. previous song sun bleached flies where she accepts her death “if it’s mean to be then it will be” and praying to go back to her abusive home “praying for that house of nebraska” and how she wishes to go back to the abuse as that’s all she knew growing up. In this song she questions her worth “am i no good?” both when she was alive and how she tastes to isaiah (the guy who eats her) she’s not forgiving isaiah but witnessing her body being devoured “your so handsome when i’m all over your mouth” and again she question her worth “am i making you feel sick”. Then a transition to the end of the song with a lighter acoustic which can represent peace in my opinion and then she speaks to her mom “and that i never blamed you for loving me the way you did” because she is too a survivor of the preachers daughter abuse (ethel’s dad) and then she tells her mother in heaven “don’t worry about me and these green eyes, momma just know that i love you” and again with the previous song “i forgive it all as it comes back to me” as she is forgiving her mother not isaiah. plus the next album is rumored to be through ethel’s moms perspective ! hope this clears your doubts!
@@pweasedonteatme the house in nebraska is not the house she grew up in, her and willoughby (the boyfriend mentioned in house in nebraska) would go to an abandoned house on the edge of their town & would pretend they lived together in a house in nebraska
I heard a clip of this song on Instagram, the part that sings "don't talk to strangers cause you might fall in love".. and I used it in my story in relation to something I was going through and now this song is kinda like a weird romantic memory for me... but then I listen to the lyrics and what it's really talking about and I'm just like WOAH. haha. I still love the song and do feel a weird, dark romanticism to it... which honestly, fits for me lol.
