Everything Wrong With German Tanks 

Also, just a note for anyone wondering why the outro was longer than usual. RU-vid has a distaste for short form content. That 10 minute mark seems to make a huge difference with their stab-in-the-dark analytics. As soon as they stop punishing creators for not making half an hour long let's plays, I'll stop trying to sidestep them. It's since occurred to me that this video didn't have enough "Yes" in it. What I should have done was filled that extra 45 seconds with a huge volume of "Yes".

"You couldn't fit that in a Belgium forest" That's what the French said. It ended well, clearly.

I feel like i just watched a british propaganda documentary.

Imagine if they used this as propaganda in WW2

*ALL GERMAN TANK ARE TOO FAST!* Maus and Tiger :Am I A JoKe To YOu??!??

German tanks last too long? *Cries in Tiger*

4:38 Squire: If the RAF doesnt spot them first Spitfire: *misses every shot*

"German tanks remain in service for too long!" *laughs in t34*

Germany: *One shots British tank* Britain: "HACKS!"

As a german, I had to laugh the most. The style how this whole Thing is presented is just amazing. Really loved this.

Lmao 5000 people thought he was being serious

still alive and kicking... did you see my Sea Lion?

“Jumped up German tractors” Bob sempal tank: *am I a joke to you?*

Guys this is a joke. Its a piss take of British tanks. Its British humour which appears to have gone right over the heads of many of you. It is a type of self deprecating joke that looks like its insulting German tanks but is actually insulting the British tanks. So chill out guys.

The *ahem* Tiger. Definitely not a Czech T 34 covered in pieces of wood to look like a Tiger. Yesssss.

More than 5000 people don't understand sarcasm. This is sarcastic comedy folks.

"You wouldn´t get that through a Belgium forest..." Well as a member of the Germans, I sincerely appreciate your sense of humor, that about 6.5k people don´t seem to understand ^^

You forgot to mention the British Sexton, because the British know how to have a ton of sex in their tanks.

2:58 this is a Churchill, the walking man's tank. lol.

Lol you can kinda hear him giggle when saying “or left in France”

I got a tiger day ad before this very relevant

Press F to pay respect to Military History, yeeeeees.

“The Dicker Max, Are they taking the piss!?” That made my day

Those Panthers go 55 kilometers per hour! I don't know how fast that is, but they go 35 miles per hour! >dead

“Neubaufahrzeug” means Newdesignvehicle in German

Black British humor, as a German we will never understand that.

*Sees this video pop up in notifications* Oh, a new Squire video! I wonder what it is on! *''Every Thing Wrong With German Tanks''* *Eye twitches* I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW SQUIRE, THAT... (Insert rant on the superiority of German vehicles over their shoddy Allied counterparts here)

It’s painful to see how many people don’t get sarcasm. I mean it’s not that hard to detect that. Even Sheldon would understand this video. Great video🔥

“Austrian with some Prussian tendencies.” Sounds like Hitler to me. Anyone else?

Stalin: But... our tanks have long guns too!!! *report comes in with the nuber of destroyed USSR tanks* Stalin. Ah, blyat.

Squire uploads, day turns good

*AND WHATS THIS? EXCUSE ME?* *THE D I C K E R M A X?*

As an now angry German, without any sense of humour except some bits about dead parrots and an inquisition of the Iberian type (gotta love the ruthless efficiency), i send the like via...churchill tank. Once it's there London will be part of bloody Grand Wales.

The funny thing is that there's actually a little bit of truth to all these: -Regarding guns, one thing the Germans never seemed to figure out was how to make their gun breaches smaller, as they tended to be fairly large compared to similar caliber weapons used by the Allies. This obviously led to problems when trying to upgun certain vehicles like the Tiger II, which couldn't fit a 105 mm gun without the breach hitting the back of the turret whenever the gun fired. Compare this to the Soviets with the IS-2, who managed to fit a 122 mm gun into the damned thing, albeit a very slow-firing one due to it using two-piece ammunition. -As for being too fast, this did in fact cause some problems as early as 1940, with German armor outrunning their own infantry support and supply lines, and even getting out of radio contact entirely in extreme cases (as was the case with the 7th Panzer Division, nicknamed the "Ghost Division" after the fall of France), and this problem became even more pronounced in North Africa (as excellent of a tactical commander as Rommel was, he had absolutely no grasp of logistics whatsoever). Then there were other cases where that was a problem: the Tiger I and Panther. The Tiger I was actually about as fast as a Sherman, with a competent driver and commander to avoid poor terrain, but this caused excessive wear and tear on the components, so later ones had a speed governor installed (though this was frequently removed by the crews), and the Panther had an overloaded front suspension and an overly complex transmission that liked to break down frequently if pushed too hard for too long. The Tiger's problems were mostly fixed and weren't present for the most part on the Tiger II, but the Panther was never really fixed. (Sidenote on the Cromwell: the main reason for the speed governor iirc was for the same reason that the Tiger I had one, as it used a repurposed aircraft engine, which - due to being designed for maximum performance with as little weight as possible but with frequent maintenance - isn't exactly ideal for the sorts of things you'd do with a tank) -Regarding size...yep, this was pretty much a given, the Allies mostly agreed on this, mostly because there was insufficient infrastructure to support 60+ metric ton vehicles during the war...hell, even vehicles in excess of 30 metric tons were pushing it at times. This is the main reason why the Russians have had a strict weight limit on their tanks of around 50-55 tons at most (which they only recently did away with upon unveiling the Armata series of AFVs), whereas NATO basically said 'fuck it' regarding weight limits in the 1970s when coming up with the third generation of MBTs (leading to vehicles like the M1 Abrams, Leopard 2, and Challenger - a modern Abrams in particular weighs as much if not slightly more than a Tiger II).

6:43 as a german: laughed my ucking arse off

"Not like...the Valentine!" I cried :)

You have to admit though, those Faux Tigers in 'Kelly's Heroes' were great efforts in a time when studios were quite happy to just paint a balkenkreuz on a Patton or something similar.

You forgot a few things wrong with German tanks. 1. They were too bloody heavy to glide well or, indeed, fly at all. 2. It was bloody hard work to pound out the dents caused by enemy fire. 3. Those big, long, guns weren't just a problem while trying to traverse the turret. They were bloody loud and a well-trained British ear could hear the shots from miles away. 4. They got bloody hot in the desert and bloody cold on the frozen tundra. 5. All that extra and bloody unnecessary steel could have been used to make really useful weapons like "belt buckle guns", bayonets, slingshot ammo, and assorted pointy bits of metal that could be jammed into enemy soldiers.

Hello, I’m one of the 5.3k people that disliked the video because I can’t take a joke and I need to flex my girthy knowledge of German machinery. I have no sense of humor, and there are brick walls that are more vibrant than I am.

5:36 or gets left in france lmao 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Everything wrong with German tanks summarized : they’re not British.

“GERMAN TANKS ARE TOO BLOOD TO FAST” THATS WHY THEY HAD lighting war

"Look at that cannon, It's just too big!" Me watching This Historically Accurate Documentary: "Wait Wasn't the Tiger meant for Open spac-" This extremely Historically accurate Documentary: we can bring the British empire back Me: "HUZZAH! AN HISTORY CHANNEL SHOW OF QUALITY!"

Prussian Tendencies, an amazing name for a metal band!

How are there so many people with no sense of humor and an even worse understanding of voice tones.

“This beauty won’t do 35 mph if you push it off a cliff. Which means the highly trained British soldier can jog comfortably besides you.” No wonder the Russians reached Berlin first.

*Sends like via Carrier Tortoise*

Oh my gosh... I don't think I have actually clicked on a video so fast well done Squire!!!

i love this kind of video we just need a german doing the same with whats wrong writh british or american tank xD. Squire you sir is the funniest lad ive discoverd over the internett ^^

The amount of people who don’t notice the comedic value of this video is disappointing

2:23 most realistic thing i've ever seen🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Damn, son, that minute and a half long outro was awesome! ;D

*AND WHAT'S THIS THE D I C K E R M A X"*

Yay Squire. Broke finger clicking on video 10/10.

So many woosh's of the bullets going over the heads of The viewers... Uh I mean the Jokes.

Dicker Max means Fat Max... Ok bye from 2018

3:59 "All's Fair in Love and War." That's why Crusader Tanks existed and why Flamethrowers were invented by the Germans.

Ever since I saw this episode I will never read SD.KFZ the same way

*Son...* *The Hetzer Does Not Look like a Lunchbox*

I get the feeling that squire just makes fun of German tanks, because he is jealous of them

"You wouldn't get that through a Belgian forest" Almost choked on my weet Bix lol

5k dislike really? People nowadays don't get the joke

If you think about it, the British were the ones that invented the tank so it's technically the British's fault that the German tanks are like this.

5:28 "Now, you see a good old-fashroned British tank has what's known as a service life. It gets built, it sees combat, it dies or breaks down or gets left in France or all three." I still love A13 Mk.II

“Their guns are too big!” **laughs in 17-pounder**

The Cromwell had the speed limited because the engine would overheat and the suspension and tracks would mess up. But alright😂

Everything Wrong with British Tanks

“Wouldn’t get that through a Forrest in Belgium”. fucking lol

Sweet. I am going to London tomorrow. I shall pick up some pigeons there.

GERMANS HAVE THE BEST NAMES

“30 good ol fashioned British Miles per Hour!” Hey, something seems off here...

i´m german and i can´t stop laughing

the churchill is so slow that a german soldier could tape a demolition charge to that slow tank

"This Panther tank here, for example, will do 55 kilometers an hour! Now I don't know how fast that is, but it'll do 35 miles an hour!" ...What?

Squire I can see you have difficulties compensating for the demonetization problem. I suggest you insert some of your more old style, live-commentary gameplay videos in between the highly scripted and edited ones such as this. That way you’ll have an easier time working with the system without needing to reduce your video quality.

Another fair,just and correct historical documentary,dear sir! This could be fit for the British Pathe Newsreel.Bravo again!

As a German main I 100% agree with their guns being too big they get shot at all the bloody time

What's next, everything wrong with French tanks..... wait, do those exist.....

Technically the French invented the first tank that resembles the ones used during WW2 but we dont talk about that here in England.

In the sponsorship at the beginning, who else thought it said, “Create your own free sewer today!” until he said “server”?

I shouldn't laugh that much, but this "totally accurate historical documentary" is way too funny.

DICKER MAX is pretty self explanatory.

Squire, I have a challenge for you. Make a video about the French aircraft without mentioning or making jokes about their surrender. If you do, you will win a free imaginary high five from me, and who could resist that? If you fail the challenge then you will lose your tea and crumpet privileges for a week.

squire-The guns are too big Me-the guns are to freaking small

"Because we won the bloody war!" Russians and Americans (as well as some Canadians): *cough*

Do another tea time with squire?

The walking mans tank should be a title in WT.

The part about 'long guns' is pretty ironic considering the Brits put a 17-pounder, a very long gun on all their late war tanks.

Whenever i use the M24 Chaffee with my friend playing,he always say "here comes the Flipper" which made me confused then iwas thinking of what it means then.....i remembered that i had always flipped plenty of tanks with Chaffee🤣

This makes want to play the German tanks again

The gun is too big on a Tiger I IS-2: 😐

Hitler at the early war: we need it to be fast for blitzkriegs Hitler at the late war: speed?!? Whats that, no scrap that and lets do this 100 ton tank that always has problems with their final drives

Squire reminds me of Jeremy Clarkson.

A real pity that I've discovered your channel only yesterday! Rosbifs' humor at its best *. . .*

"Oh Mooooom.... Who is my god damn spitfire.... I have to slow down the german tanks because there not playing fair!!!"

All British gangsta until Guderian and 19th panzer korps shows up

2:30 Squire: another thing wrong with German tanks is that they're all to bloody fast Me: *laughs in m24 Chaffee*

*Everything Wrong with British Tank's* British Tank's are to slow *Boom*

I wonder why the paint shell has not been added to War Thunder

I think this is the best video you have ever made!