'Family Put GF's Face on a Sweater' -- Reddit Story 

Can we PLEASE normalize leaving if you’re in an uncomfortable situation? It drives me insane that people will torture themselves to be “polite”. IMO it’s ok to remove yourself from any situation/setting that you don’t want to be in. Good for her

She may have “ruined their day” but they created a life long humiliating memory for her.

When you target someone’s appearance or insecurity it’s no longer a joke. I completely agree with OP’s gf that his family hid their insults under the guise of ‘dark humor’

My sister and I work for the same company and thought it would be hilarious if we wore each other’s faces for the company’s Ugly Sweater party. It was a huge hit but I can’t imagine pulling that off with someone who wasn’t in on the joke. It’s just incredibly mean and degrading. Hope OP’s gf leaves him for someone who can actually stand up for her

notice how every time she asked "okay but WHY is it funny?" he only responded "its just dark humor." okay so her FACE is dark humor? like put aside the fact that he didn't think about how she got the scar and how traumatic those reminders could be, he was seriously okay with his family considering HER FACE to be "dark humor."

This guy is absolutely TA. He and his entire family are bullies. Him for letting them treat her like this and them for doing this. I hope she dumped him.

I've never teared up from one of these until this one, this was fucking evil of them. this shit takes SO MUCH TIME to recover from. They should pay her fucking therapy bills

As someone with facial scars but is lucky they aren't too bad, I would feel horrible if someone did that to me. Just because you call it a joke doesn't mean it isn't hurtful. Mean-spirited and cruel jokes aren't cool, even if they aren't meant as intentionally hurtful. That family should just realize everyone isn't use to their brazen, dark sense of human and consider their guest like any host should.

OP most likely deleted it because he didn't want to accept the fact that he was in the wrong. Also, most OP who are labeled "YTA" never respond.

The fact that this TA said “I’m sorry *that you were offended,* but that’s just their humor”. Eff that guy. I also have a facial scar that you can’t see in my profile picture- and I never tan because it’s right on my forehead and never darkens, so I keep pale to hide it better- and if my partner did that to me, I’d be in jail for equalizing anyone who laughed at the “joke”. “Oh you think the scar on my forehead is funny? Why don’t we fix it so we match??”

One thing I want to say about how “sometimes it takes a big event.” It doesn’t just take a big event, his actions and dismissive attitude up until that point *created* the environment for that event. It did not happen in a vacuum. Sometimes it takes a big event because *you allowed it to get to that point.*

I think she should make Christmas sweaters with their biggest insecurities and see if it’s still funny.

You don’t insult someone’s insecurity, period. They all sound like awful people. Put yourself in her shoes. Gross! I was so glad she actually walked away right away. There’s no other appropriate response. Ugh.

I hope she leaves him. He's constantly invalidating her feelings, making excuses saying "it's just a joke/it's ironic", and was pissed off because SHE was the one hurt. Him and his whole family are assholes and bullies. She'll be more hurt dealing with them in the long run than if she cuts off these people now.

A few issues: 1. Her facial scarring is up to her to decide how her interprete of it is. There's a lifetime of experiences, emotions trauma from that scar. If she's insecure about it, you're dismissing her insecurities bc you don't feel that way. But it's not your decision to make about it bc he's completely dismissing her feelings. 2. There's a difference of dark humor and enjoying tormenting someone. The gf told you she doesn't like it. It upsets her- op offered no support or empathy bc HE didn't feel the same. She feels harassed and he doesn't care. He supports his family in tormenting her. 3. The joke was rude. Absolutely rude. Honestly, OP is a massive idiot if he can't see that jokes need context, trust, and an easy relationship. Between the people making the joke and the subject- between the family and the gf- not him and his family. And he KNEW this. She TOLD him how she felt and he SIMPLY DIDN'T CARE. 4. You can't love someone if you dont respect them, validate them, genuinely care of them. Its not love, it cant be. She should dump him.

This situation reminds me of the Reddit story you guys discussed about the guy who didn’t hesitate to cut off his family when his fiancé overheard his family talking bad about her, for being the polar opposite reaction. This guy should have held his family accountable the first time they ever “joked” about her. I can’t even begin to explain how much facial scars/ deformities mess with your self esteem/ self worth. Your face is what you present to the world on the daily. A couple years back I was put on a medication called prednisone for my Lupus and it caused a significant amount of facial swelling. People would make “jokes” about me being a squirrel storing nuts in my mouth, comparing me to a cabbage patch doll, etc. It was the lowest point in my life and I even tried to end my life. I still have trauma from those experiences. I developed an anxiety disorder and struggle to make eye contact with people because I feel like my face is still swollen and they’re laughing at me. I hope this girl dumps him and his toxic family and finds someone who truly values and respects her because she’s worth that and so much more 🤍✨

1. The DEFINITELY mean harm. 2. Even if they didn’t mean harm, it caused harm. It has been causing harm this whole time. And if they truly didn’t mean harm, they would’ve apologized, and STOPPED a long time ago. These people are AWFUL

Honestly I genuinely hate people who say "It's just a joke" I've had a friendship ruined over a ex friend who would make such gross "jokes" and then say "Its a joke. Stop overreacting. Omfg take a joke"

so many people use "dark humor" as an excuse for being mean then if you get tired of it then you're the problem because "everyone was having fun before you said anything".

He even said he was sorry that she took it so hard. …..? Don’t be sorry she felt some way. Be sorry it happened. I can’t stand this story. This is the first one that has me so pissed.

Could you even imagine the convo the mom & sister had about actually thinking this is ‘funny’, picking the photo, ordering the shirts, & PAYING for them. Like whose idea. So messed up

I have a long scar on my face. Goes from my forehead down my eye. I got assaulted just walking home from work and if someone joked about it I would die inside

“i’m sorry you got offended” isn’t an apology it’s the non-apology older than time

He’s not protective of her.. run girl!!

Big nope! You don’t do that to anyone! That’s not funny! Why didn’t they put their face on the sweater?! I would break up with him. And what the host said about having their relationship sabotaged sounds right. My family would never, if they didn’t like my partner they would let me know on the side.

My brother once made a joke about epilepsy, I had just been diagnosed a month before and right after hr told the joke and he immediately remembered that, I could see it all over his face that he regretted it. But I knew he ment no harm with it and found the joke funny so I laughed.

My church group did this around christmas. Our youth pastor wore pictures of all of us kids, but when one of my friends started crying in the bathroom he immediately took off and formally apologized. You can go back and apologize but it’s up to gf to accept it.

i hope shes found this story and sees all the support people are giving her. this guy and his family are TA 10000% my blood is boiling geez

Dark humor should only be used when it’s your own trama ! He’s ta she deserves better and I hope she’s doing okay now and knows how beautiful she is❤️

His family has also clearly made that joke a lot, even if she wasn't insecure about it the joke would have eventually gotten old and annoying.

Everyone has insecurities & the joke wasn’t even the problem. The problem was all she needed was him to tell his family that it wasn’t cool and to cut it out. His lack of respect for her insecurity is the issue

Ahhh, “it’s just how they are” or “it’s just a joke.” All the typical dismissals of toxic behavior.

I think the general rule of thumb is that the person you're "joking" about gets to tell you if the "joke" is funny.

I can't imagine how people do not jump to defend their significant others. My family is hard with the sarcasm 24/7 HOWEVER if I notice it starts getting to my husband I'll instantly jump in and stand up for him. I will back him up every time and make it clear that my family needs to respect him or lay off if the joke is getting over done.

I want to applaud her from removing herself from that situation. When people are disrespecting you, you end that conversation. It doesn't matter if it's family or friends you or even your parents. You hang up the phone, leave their house whatever.

This made me think of my friend who has a prominent facial scar. Objectively one of the sweetest and beautiful people I've ever met inside and out. Her family were working as missionaries in a politically unstable country, and her and some of her female family members were grabbed while out, and robbed by men with machetes. Unfortunately they didn't have anything on them, and the men got mad, and cut her face. She was just a little kid at the time, and she will never have a day where she doesn't have that trauma literally plastered on her face. This would have been so, so upsetting. God, I hope the girlfriend finds someone who loves her, supports her, and has some freaking empathy.

I already feel so uncomfortable when people ask me why I’m so quiet. I can’t imagine how I would feel if my in-laws (not that I have them) targeted my body insecurities :(

This entire family has the vibe of those men who say something racist or sexist or abusive and then when they get called on it go ‘why aren’t you laughing it was just a joke’

First of all, I never understood the "that's just who they are" justification, as if putting up with someone's bullshit was the only option. If that was a valid point, imagine how easy the defense of a murderer would be (but your honor, that's just who he is, we can't hold it against him 🥺). Second of all, the "it's just a joke" phrase is annoying af. Do it once, it is a joke (bad or not), do it constantly and to the same person, it is bullying.

I've been looking for something a bit different than my dark true crime videos. Thank you for this. I love this idea. I always get caught up reading Reddit posts so being able to just listen while I do things around the house is quite nice. Thank you! 💕

My family and I are hard on each other. We joke and make fun of each other relentlessly. Unless someone says they don't want that specific thing joked about. Then we stop on that matter. "just a joke" is not an excuse, especially when people state they don't want that brought up. And "I'm sorry you're offended" is not an apology. Also I remember this time where this guy was wearing a sweater on ugly sweater day, but it wasn't supposed to be ugly. This girl walks up and goes "I like your ugly sweater" and just looked sad and went "... My gf got this for me". The first person felt so bad 😭

Even if they thought it was hilarious at first, as soon as they noticed she was hurt they would have apologized if they cared about her feelings.

The fact she hasn't broken up with this guy yet is rewarding on her ( being able to make it this long ) I would feel horrible if people were capitalizing off of my insecurities for some laughs and giggles. Hope she finds someone who will listen to her concerns, and stand up for her. One thing that is crazy is the fact that he was being told that he is TA and he still hasn't self reflected.

I will say that while her other points were spot on, I don’t agree with the “Some people don’t like jokes.” These weren’t jokes. They were intentionally crapping on her under the guise of a joke.

Not a “joke” when it comes at the expense of someone else. She trusted you to protect her feelings and you betrayed her. She deserves better than a clueless dude who has no sense of humor . It’s also a red flag that his family is a family of red flags 🚩. Run sis run .

People like to say “it’s a joke” to escape being the bad guy. But, as you said, jokes are completely subjective. If someone gets offended over a joke, especially when the subject of the joke isn’t laughing, then it’s YOUR fault for not being able to read the room and/or knowing your audience. Not only that, she told him explicitly she didn’t want to be the butt of the joke yet he still allowed his family to joke about something that could possibly be the sign of trauma.

"they are not laughing with her but at her"

OP said they talked to his gf about that’s just their humor, but he never talked to his family about how that hurts his gf and she doesn’t want to be around them.

The only reason this happened was because it was ALLOWED to happen. He may not have known about the sweaters until the get together when his family wore them, but he allowed the disrespectful comments and “jokes” about his girlfriend leading up to this, thus making his family comfortable with even more disrespect. A whole family of bullies.

“iT wAS jUsT A jOkE”

Sounds like a family of bullies. Using the excuse "it's just a joke" is typical bullying and gaslighting behaviour. Unacceptable in any setting.

She already had stated she doesn't find those "jokes" funny. She said she doesn't like it. She asked for help if something happened again. Something happens and he once again takes his family's side. So, what are her options? Does she need to bear with something that she doesn't like, without even his bf's support? She doesn't have to, good for her that she left.

His behavior is toxic as hell. He’s gaslighting her hardcore and making it seem like she’s the one whose overacting that she is the problem. She told you it bothered her abs you did nothing. That’s super shitty. I hope she broke up with him.

my family is mean as hell and we would never do this. This wasn't a run of the mill joke this took dedication this took months in advance it probably cost a a good amount of money. This reads more of a RU-vid prank than a joke between family members. It just seems petty not funny i would even call it cruel.

I always say I picked my in-laws before I picked my husband 😂😂 my family is very difficult so I am so grateful to have supportive and loving in laws.

Brunette didn’t want to speak first cause she was gonna say no and she knew she was in the wrong. Saved herself a roast in the comments.

This is so terrible but the title has me cracking up. Also, definitely YTA

the family are gaslighting bullies as is the son. run girl run!!!

YTA - she probably has a painful memory associated with that scar. The section leader I had in marching band my senior year had a bad car accident and there was a scar down her face. I heard about the car accident (it was all over the news it was that bad), but even when she was talling about it with people who knew and I asked what was up she was like "oh nothing" because she didn't want to explain it. If someone were to make a joke about it, she would've probably broke down because of how bad it was. They now have flashing signs at that intersection (small roads, but country so people go faster than they should and miss stop signs) because she had to he airlifted and STILL almost died.

“I don’t really think I’ve done anything though.” Yea that’s exactly the point!!

I wonder if she told him more than just that one time that she hated their jokes?

It DOES NOT matter if she is beautiful. My husband swears up and down I am the prettiest girl in the world and none of my acne, face and body, changes that. I promise you, I could be Angelina Jolie, but most people would consider me ugly because of my skin. If his family dared say something- even imply something- hell I’d pounce them before he got the chance to. I have 99% confidence he would allow no negative comments on my appearance- the 1% being insecurity I just can’t get rid of. This man needs to stand up once and for all and apologize.

If they wanted to do this joke they should put their faces on the sweaters too and gave her one as well. So it was a joke on all of them and included her.

I hate when people call it “Just a joke.” My mom excuses my dads toxic behavior to me with that BS.

Okay 40 seconds in and I just wanna say it’s really important to listen to other peoples boundaries. If they have something unique or different about them and they aren’t ready for others to make jokes about it, then I believe those wishes should be listened to. It’s boundary setting, it’s the lack of consent, it’s still very important. It’s really sad the amount of people who weren’t taught to care about other peoples boundaries, whether we’re talking about sexual boundaries or normal everyday boundaries any boundary is just as important. Doesn’t matter how “stupid” you think someone’s boundary is, they aren’t giving consent on something and it should be just as serious as if they didn’t give consent to a sexual act. I’ve learned a lot in therapy about how to set boundaries because I was never taught to really set them, so I’ve really come to understand how important they are for our well being. Do you really respect your partner if you don’t care to respect their boundaries? If you don’t respect their boundaries, you clearly don’t respect them.

Funny would have been if they made one with a goofy picture of him. It doesn’t make sense to do one with her unless they genuinely trying to hurt her. She needs to run. She deserves better. They won’t stop.

Uhmmmm last I checked jokes are supposed to be funny. Calling someone ugly, ESPECIALLY when they can’t change that thing, is just cruel.

A joke is only a joke when both sides find it funny

"I think you'd better call Tyrone. And tell him come on help you get your shit." What a weird family.

Talk about TOXIC family!!! I hope she leaves him and never looks back!

That family needs to learn about the “5 second rule”. If it’s something that can not be fixed in 5 seconds or less (I.e, lipstick on teeth, toilet paper stuck to the bottom of the shoe, etc.) when it comes to a person’s appearance you don’t mention it, you don’t point it out, you don’t make fun of them, you leave it the eff alone. Especially when it comes to something traumatic that could of caused that facial scar for OPs gf

Yeah that was outright disrespectful. Dismissing her emotions multiples times is the first thing. He could of reassured her then and there, but no he decided to not even acknowledge her feelings. And add in the family who thinks its okay to constantly joke at someone's expense. Honestly, the whole thing is fucked up. I felt like there was a lot of opportunities for him to be a good boyfriend. He could of reassured her, he could of told his family to not make fun of her at Christmad b4 they showed up, or even stand up to his family when she stormed off. The only redeemable quality he had was calling her, but it was immediately lost when he told her, "she ruined Christmas" Oh and don't get me wrong, I hate his family too. Maybe even more because there was no sense of remorse in what they do. If their only response is, "it was just a joke" then they don't respect her. Like, I lovvvvve roasting people, but if ur gonna make gun of someone make sure they're close with you and make you know how to say, "Sorry" bc there is something called going too far. And can I just bring up how many times he brought up the word "joke" and "beautiful" Cause that makes me believe he doesn't reassure her enough. But props to his cousin who called him an asshole. Probably the only person who common decency in the family. He's the asshole, his girlfriend's anger is justified, end of story.

She should definitely break up with him. His family is awful and he is passive and that’s a recipe for disaster.

Dark humour is when you make a joke about something of yourself and not making someone feel bad , that’s humiliating!!!

I hate that people try to disguise hurtful words as "dark humor". Dark humor is the kind of humor that makes you snort and then gasp because you realize that you laughed. This is just making fun of her appearance?? Also "jokes" immediately become unfunny if the person that it's directed at isn't laughing and is genuinely hurt by it.

I absolutely loathe the "it's just a joke" mentality. It excuses a lot of peoples bad and bullying behavior. It goes hand in hand with the "lighten up omg you're too sensitive" which invalidates the feelings of those hurt by these "jokes"

jokes are only true jokes if everyone finds them funny. if one person finds it insulting, ESPECIALLY if the "joke" is about them, then it's not a joke. OP is an AH for not putting his partner's feelings first; she's not overreacting, she's trying to put boundaries and having his family completely disrespect them.

Say it with me boo ENABLING

The hypocrisy though. He and his awful family have set up a dynamic where they are basically allowed to say or do whatever they want to the GF as long as it's under the guise of "joke," but GF isn't allowed to have a genuine emotional reaction to how they treat her and isn't allowed to set up any boundaries or defend herself or else she's "ruining the day."

I have a cousin (he was my fav cousin hands down and I have a lot of them) who has a scar joker style on one side of his face from a car accident I still remember when I found out about it and being terrified that he would die since if I remember correctly the other person in the car did die but I could be wrong but I was child so they didn't tell me much but when I saw him next the scar was healed and honestly it looked badass but I thought it would tear open everytime he opened his mouth I dont remember anyone making jokes about it but its be 2 decades since then and you can barely see it now

When making a joke, I always try to remember that jokes are about trying to make the other party laugh, so if your intention is to make them laugh, you tell a joke you believe they will find humor in. It could be a humor mismatch, but it does seem mean spirited and thoughtless. Like they cared more about laughing at their own joke, than if she would find the joke funny. When people make jokes like this, they are only thinking of how funny they find it, not if the other person they are making the joke in front of or toward will find it funny. If they aren't laughing, this isn't the audience for that kind of joke. Play to your crowd. Edit also to say I missed the facial scarring part. If he knew that was an insecurity of hers, which as her bf he should, then he for sure should have been on her side and called out his family to stop immediately. He's the asshole.

Also, next to the possibility of that poor girl having a traumatizing memory from getting the scar, kids and but also teens and grown ups can be cruel and leave you with bad memories because of comments etc about that scar. Maybe she was bullied because of it, left as an outsider at school, always be picked last in PE class etc. I hate that family

Also. This is why I hold strong to the saying “there’s a little truth in every joke.” What are their true intentions with constantly ridiculing her appearance?

Oh hell no!!! This is no damn joke! He has to step in for her or leave!

A joke isn’t a joke if the butt of the joke expresses discomfort. At that point you are crossing clearly set boundaries

It doesn’t matter if u don’t understand, u gotta respect peoples wishes. It’s not an insane ask either. She’s not asking for a fucking Porsche when you can barely afford a beater. She’s asking for you to stop making fun of her for something she’s insecure about. Hope she drops him he clearly has no respect for her.

“Dark humor” isn’t funny, bullying someone’s appearance.. it’s disgusting. It’s so irritating when your significant other doesn’t respect you and defend you. Especially how she had issues prior…

If he had a heads up he'd have brought his own car

not related to the story but i loveee the new heart logo !!!]

She need to take a picture of little thing when he is asleep have a sweater made of it and wear it to the family event.

SIL usually express the opinions of the mom that wasn't a joke that was bullying on Christmas! She should have dumped him on the spot even if he didn't know beforehand he didn't respond the right way at all! She already said it was something that bothered her and he didn't defend his girlfriend. He's obviously not ready for a girlfriend.

This isn't dark humor.. this is being mean. Making jokes at someone's expense when they aren't into being made fun of is mean!

Gf needs to dump him.

I love this podcast so much🥰 if you ever wanna do an asmr related video I hope you’ll think of us or someone in the asmr community! Also just genuinely enjoy deep diving into Reddit and watching your reactions 😂😂🤟🏼 love this

But also he never mentions how she got that facial scar she is insecure about? Was it traumatic? Did she get teased in school about it? I feel like he’s leaving more context about this scar he just barely mentioned out

this strikes me 100% as them poking very specific fun at her facial scar, more than anything else. no matter how beautiful she may or may not be, op says she has a large facial scar. so them constantly poking fun at her face seems deliberate. her FACE was on the ugly jumpers... i could be reading too much into it, but that was my immediate thought.

When the other person doesnt laugh. the "joke" stops being a joke and starts being an offense

Lots of people make hurtful comments disguised as "jokes" so they can get away with saying them. My mom used to do this stuff all the time, and then say I was "too sensitive" and "couldn't take a joke" when I would react or tell her to stop. Here's the thing: I'm silly, I make my coworkers laugh all day, I always try to find humor in gross/sad situations (i work in ER). BUT MY MOM'S JOKES WEREN'T FUNNY. They were mean-spirited, belittling criticisms over things I couldn't control. Sounds like OP's fam is the same. OP's girlfriend had every right to leave when that family acted like 💩, and if OP didn't go with her, that makes him 💩 too. (Also that whole family misunderstands what "dark humor" means.)

You guys mention the beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and stuff.. my thing is, maybe she knows she beautiful, maybe so does he, but that doesn't mean his family finds her beautiful.. they could think she's ugly and are being passive aggressive and play it off as a joke... I don't understand why he thinks that because he thinks shes beautiful, that his mom and sister think so too

This is honestly insane …the bf and the family are trash and I blame him for not using that moment to call out their disgusting behavior! It’s honestly the most bizarre thing ever how do you allow someone you love to be treated that way I hope she leaves him