+Locutette There is an Criminal Minds's episode where the criminal is a man who had a terrible mother (abuse, negligence) and decided to torture women as a way of relieving the pain and the defencelessness.
Andrew B Whatever floats your boat, I guess. But to me these shows tend to come off as what sheltered suburbanites think "evil" is like; and what they think intellectual, selfless, handsome heroes are like. All of the main characters are supposed to have different specialties, but you'll find that if you put their dialogue into the mouths of each other, you would never know the difference. They also tend to be canon sue types. It's all: I know three types of martial arts, sixteen languages, I have five PhDs in forensic and computer sciences, I know all the answers to trivial pursuit (because I'm pop cultured) I'm non-traditionally handsome, my dick is *six feet long* and I _know_ that the killer wore a red tie! **Gasps** "I'm just that good people, but I'm also... awkward... because I'm a tortured intellectual and no one understands my brilliance." The killer has a hard on. That's usually what it boils down to. He sets fires: it's sexual. He bombs buildings: it's sexual. Rape, rape, rape, rape rape. Rape everywhere! Mandy Patinkin actually left the show over this. I didn't watch it much, but people loved turning it on while I was on my lunch break at work. The show often seems to suggest there are no shades between the eponymous "Criminal Minds" and the minds of average people, or certainly law enforcement officers, to the point where the distinction might as well be genetic. They're just *monsters.* Which is a type of storytelling that I thought had fallen out of style because it's rote. It also had the _worst_ acting I had ever seen in my life. Seemingly dramatic scenes would often illicit laughter from myself and other casual viewers in the break room, while the people who'd turned it on as a thriller would become frustrated with our open dissonance. Sorry, I didn't mean to go on forever, but this is not even taking into account how unreliable criminal profiling is in real life. So in a word, I just think it's: stupid.
That is a good idea. I would think of the story as a nightmare. Horror movie works too. Christian Gray is even based on a vampire, named Edward Cullen. Vampires are a staple of the horror genre.
A common joke among BDSM enthusiasts about this book: "If you want to switch places with your Sub, say 'Fifty Shades' is good. They'll turn Dom right there."
@@monarchminnie5827 I believe it's meant to indicate people who are actually versed in accepted BDSM practices hate the misrepresentation in this book so much that the mere mention of it will turn even the most timid submissive person into a tower of righteous fury.
Agreed 100% Honestly that's true for so many things honestly. I know we're all probably tired of hearing about him, but that's the same way I feel about Trump. While I don't neccesarily hate him as much as many others, I also don't see him as perfect in any way, but I'm tired of news outlets making up shit to hate about him, instead of focusing on the facts we already know.
As an avid fanfiction reader, the fact that these books were the ones that got so popular that they got adapted into movies is deeply offensive. You can find stuff that's x1000000 times better on AO3 that will never be taken seriously because now when people think of fanfiction, they think of this piece of shit.
My mother and sister always flushed theirs and I told them they're not supposed to. it's literally ON the box not to and they had no idea and my sister still does it so a lot of woman just don't educate themselves or care :/
StarDust Stables you can't consent to being killed what you on about. if you want to be vegan, then that's great! i wish i had the time and energy to be able to give up meat etc but I can't, so good job, but don't force your beliefs/practices on others.
What's worse is that if Christian is all about control and domination, he'd have actually learned that in BDSM, the SUB is actually the one in charge because the dom is only being granted permission to handle the sub however they want within the boundaries of the sub's terms and that the sub can yank the cord with the utterance of a safety word. Bennett the Sage put it best: It's a relationship based on trust. Trust in your partner to take you to a dark place that tests your limits and, with the utterance of a word, bring you back from it. Grey just wants to beat someone up to get over being molested.
+Locutette In short, the Dom is the game designer and the sub is the customer telling them they've done a good job entertaining them and paying them only if they do it to their satisfaction. Really it's a reversal of fortune. The Dom is someone who is granted a moment of power to compensate for none while the sub is surrendering the power they usually have. The story would have been better if he were demanding Anna beat him up despite her meekness because he gets off being under which is still the dominant position I believe there's a term "Alpha bitch/slave/sub" where it's a person who's completely domineering in everything they come across but then wants to be totally used and taken advantage of in the sack. That would have made an interesting dynamic as well because Grey is hurt by the woman who abused him but is both surrendering to females while controlling them as if to take back the power while sorta teaching Anna to grow a pair.
As a sub myself, this erotica short you describe sounds very accurate! I am so completely in control and assertive at work, not one of my co-workers would believe that when I'm home I like to curl up at my boyfriend's feet and surrender all my power to him :) But it makes sense, hanging on to control 24/7 is exhausting and it's a lucky thing that I have a place safe enough to let everything go and let someone else take care of me. My boyfriend and I also sometimes switch, and interestingly enough both of us describe the feeling of subbing primarily as one of being "cared for". It's a lovely thing :) I don't think Ana ever feels cared for.
+Pangur Ban Sub sounds fun as an exhilarating release of inhibitions exploring both your own desires and limits. It's like jumping vs the person holding your safety rope pushing you into it (trusting their grip doesn't suck).
A very accurate comparison! It's much like this trust game children play, where they close their eyes and fall backwards and another person catches them. It's a fun an exhilarating rush, but it also takes a complete trust in the other person and when they catch you, it's a very incredible and intimate bonding moment. I may give all the power over to my boyfriend, but I do it trusting that he'll use it only in my best interest, and when he does it reaffirms and justifies my trust in him. And just as in your example, the dom is the one holding the safety rope and they take that shit very seriously. I can't tell you the number of times I was recklessly enthusiastic and my boyfriend was the one to put on the breaks, researched and applied every safety measure in the book and despite my enthusiasm eased me into super slowly to be sure I really could handle it and really liked it. That's what a real dom does :) Wanting the control means wanting the responsibility as well. Most mentions of doms especially in mainstream media go into their sadistic nature or controlling nature, but gloss over their most fundamental attribute: their caregiver nature.
Well put. Being a sub is indeed about exploring your own limitations and experiencing what feels like a total lack of control, when in reality you know you are always safe. If you're usually a control freak, you can actually learn to let go and know that you'll be fine even if you aren't in charge of every single thing, because you can never truly lose your agency. That's what I've learned, anyway.
As someone who has been abused by her own Christian Grey, THANK YOU FOR THIS. It breaks my heart every time someone tells me they think Fifty Shades is a love story. I've even had fans of the books tell me that I wasn't really abused, if my ex was anything like Christian. One even told me that I "just wasn't good enough to change him." I honestly despise EL James for these horrific pieces of garbage and I think they have the capacity to be incredibly dangerous, given the abhorrent myths they promote to readers.
As the daughter of a woman in a terrible domestic abuse relationship I wish you nothing but happiness and an online hug (Yeah I'm weird xD). But honestly they have such NERVE to say such things. I wouldn't wish bad upon anyone, but if they experienced this, they would change their tune.
Completely agree!! I tell every person who says they wish they could find their own Christian Grey, that I hope they never, ever meet him. They'd be changing their tune, pretty fast!
I'm in a much, much happier place, thank you! :-) I had extensive support from an amazing abuse charity and now I use my spare time helping to raise awareness of what abuse actually is. I even wrote a semi-autobiographical novel in response to Fifty Shades, telling the story of what life with someone like that really feels like. So, I'm doing loads better, now. :-)
My first thought was "All of this would make a lot more sense to me if Christian Grey were an incubus." The weird sex hang-ups, the fondness for contracts (a classic hell/demon trope), the controlling, the inability to speak like a _human being_ ("I'm 50 shades of fucked up" S I R), the staggering wealth, the physical Gary Stu-ness of it all, Ana's drained personality, the fact that Christian just ~can't leave her alone~ (because she's intoxicating and oh my God we've come right back to Twilight)
Would have made for a waaaaaay better plot idea or twist than the original book at least! At the very least it could have made things more interesting but no, it’s just a plain fucked up story.
It is a Twilight fanfiction after all. All E.L. James did was change up the names (barely) and added in some Mom porn. I’m surprised Stephanie Meyer didn’t sue lol.
Wiat so he flushed the tampon down the toilet? First of all ewww. Second of all....ladies, do not flush ur tampons. U know the little trash can on the side of every stall? That's what its there for! E.L. James should know better.
Margaretha Netherton Yeah, it’s like flushing paper towels or sponges down the toilet. Generally, it’s not smart to flush things down the toilet if they’re meant to be absorbent.
Peter Cross Because. There’s nothing about supporting the rights and dignity of women that’s remotely similar to a Nazi. It’s a derogatory term used by the alt-right and anti-feminists, neither of which are mutually exclusive, and neither of which should be taken seriously or encouraged.
Sarah Luckie It would be so much better and it has elements of a potentially dramatic and heart breaking romance but it's so poorly structured and designed that it falls flat and comes out as garbage. Honestly take out a ton of useless and frankly horrifying parts, and add in actual good character development and interesting plot structures it frankly would be deserving of its best seller status.
@@shinyagumon7015 least Twilight isn’t as bad as this. (Even though I hate Twilight with a passion due to how stupid they make werewolves and vampires) BECAUSE AT LEAST EDWARD ASKED FOR CONSENT TO MAKE LOVE WITH BELLA
I never saw a man, that uses trigger warnings correctly, was sharing my opinion on 50 shades and screams about it half an hour with classical music in the background and somehow is insanely charming while doing so until this video. I love it. Youve got a sub(scriber *cough*)
I don´t understand how a woman could write that, and how other women could think that it is endearing in anyway. it crosses the line so much i genuinely want to curl into a ball because it is so envasive
I honestly thought that Fifty Shades of Grey was a HORROR story, with how it's written. The only thing it's missing is the hidden bodies in Christian's closet.
Would it make you feel better that "50S reimagined with Christian as a serial killer" is a fairly popular niche in the anti-50S fanfiction community? :)
My sister is a dom & was PISSED when this book got popular. She’s followed my moms footsteps in educating us in embracing our own sexuality at our own pace & being safe in experimenting. The biggest thing that has been drilled into the very fiber of our beings is *CONSENT!!!!!* Like damn I knew this book was shit but THIS IS JUST HORRIBLE
Most people don’t realize what’s healthy and unhealthy til they see it on the big screen how unhealthy this relationship is. Relationships take time and care to form over 2 people. They have to understand each other and learn about one another. Finding their likes and dislikes and comforts and discomforts. Relationships aren’t a game, their meant to be cherished and respected. It’s not about the love making, it’s about understanding each other on a deeper personal level that makes you happy and loved when you have someone who can understand your hardships and goes out their way to help or comfort you if your in a situation where you feel these hardships take hold.
It was when the idea started to emerge that a BDSM ‘kink’ had to emerge from some kind of trauma and was curable with the love of a good woman that I put the book down, red with rage. That is NOT what BDSM is (as most eloquently expressed in this video). It can be hot AF, provided BOTH parties are into it.
@@dajtoad1. Basically this type of relationship requires someone who loves dishing it out, and another who can take it? I searched real bdsm people react to these!
@@erikbihari3625 Exactly. It’s a fun and desirable activity for BOTH. In fact, many fairly ‘vanilla’ people like to dabble in a bit of simple bondage for variation. Again, only exciting if BOTH want it.
I can say, as a woman, that tampon scene freaks me out for one very straightforward reason . . . WHO DOES THAT??? I swear EL James has to be the only author in the world who could so casually believe yanking out someone's tampon is a nice slid into an erotic scene. Edit: Bonus? You don't throw tampons in the toilet . . .
My friend read me the scene saying it was sooooo sexy and I actually almost puked thinking how uncomfortable someone else pulling out my tampon would be... 🤢
All I can think of is that teen Vogue or similar story where a teen girl accidentally had her tampon string hanging out of her shorts, boyfriend thought he was being helpful by getting rid of the string from her shorts. He got a bit of a surprise.
@@emmad4308 pretty sure neither of them thought that was sexy though, gods almighty. I'd never have sex much less a relationship with a guy who'd mess with personal hygiene products
You know, my mother used to read these books when I was a bit too young to know what they were, so she made me believe that it was about a serial-killer billionaire who had fifty personalities and committed murders related to this number. She also told me that Anastasia was the police officer investigating the killings. I was so disappointed when I saw the real book summary on the internet about some months afterward... Edit: I am so surprised this comment got track! I recently showed these replies to my mom, and she had a blast!
This just begs the question of why your mother would read that mess instead of writing an award winning novel that actually deserved a movie adaption and massive fanbase
wow, a legit trigger warning, non-demonization of asexuals, and actual knowledge of consent in kinks within a few minutes? book reviews!? I am sold sir.
japanesemyth I don’t think he was right to call Anna asexual, because I think he meant either a celibate / virgin. I’m asexual and it means we don’t feel the need or desire to have sex, while Anna apparently does
Tilda Adade I am also asexual. The possibility seems more likely that Anna is grey or demi but I'm just happy that a decent RU-vidr doesn't view us as disgusting, inhuman, or unnatural. Or villainous. The amount of media that contributes to that viewpoint is fucking disheartening.
I'm late to reply, but having read the book, I think he meant that she seems to have been asexual up to that point in her life because she explicitly says that she's never been attracted to anyone in her life. Never had a sex dream, never masturbated, never had a sexual thought in her life. Then Christian walks in and bam! She's a sex machine. It's not impossible, some people have sexual awakenings later in life, and at 21 is perfectly believable, but given that "young virgin falling in love with an older experienced man" is already such a cliché in romance literature, it's frustrating that she turned that cliché up to 11. It also makes Ana seem VERY immature, she can't even have a conversation about sex without blushing and wanting to leave the room, so when Christian wants to introduce all that kinky sex in her life, it's even more disturbing because it's clear she doesn't have the sexual maturity to consent. Sorry about the long reply, but it's been a common critic of FSOG that Ana did seem basically asexual until Christian waltzed in, and emphasizes how much our society values women being completely "pure" until they meet the "right man". Le sigh
The true definition of asexual is not what the first two people said, actually. Asexual means you don't experience *sexual attraction* . It *does not* mean you don't want sex. There are asexuals who do have and crave sex. This is a common misconception. I'm asexual and I have discussed this with many other asexuals through forums, making sure to educate myself well, so you can trust my information in the subject. E.L. James probably didn't have asexuality in mind for Ana as the "author" clearly is entirely ignorant of the topic of sexuality and kinks, but in the previous video where The Dom describes the plot, he says that Ana was never aroused or sexually attracted to anyone, nor did she ever have an interest in sex until she met Christian Grey. This is consistent with asexuals up until the Christian Grey completely changing that part. Perhaps Ana is grey-asexual (she's definitely not demisexual since she doesn't know anything about Grey so there's no emotional connection), and yes I see the irony in grey-asexual and Grey. Grey-asexual simply means sexual attraction is rare.
As a survivor of domestic violence and sexual abuse, I can't anything romantic about how these characters behave. It took me a long time to stop looking for places to physically hide and realise that my husband and his family wouldn't let anything happen to me. It is NOT romantic to be tracked down, it is frightening and even when I went for a restraining order I was told by the first judge I had insufficient fear to get one. The second judge told my ex he could have no communications with me at all. I still live in fear that he will find me one day and it has been twenty three years since I last saw him.
If I could give this multiple thumbs up I could. My SO is also a survivor of abuse, her parents unfortunately. The looking for someplace to hide struck a cord with me as she also has dealt with that. I won't go into details but I have never heard of abuse as severe as what she went through. It's been hard at times but we love each other more than I can state and she's doing better all the time. She doesn't seem to fear her parents as much as I do. I'm terrified anytime she has interactions with them, her mother in particular. I have one at least one occasion been scared her mother was going to kidnap her. Her mother showed up at my parents house on X-Mas eve. This truly disturbing thing about this is her mother did not know we were at my parent's house and did not know where my parents lived.
Frances Smith that's the thing I hate about this book, not only is it written terribly but I almost wish it could have changed lives. I almost want a book that honestly shows what this type of action really is...abuse,plain and simple. we still don't have a mainstream book or movie that shows how terrible sexual and verbal abuse is and how it can linger even when it ends. if E.L James actually knew what this type of relationship is and wrote an uplifting story of a girl ending a spiral of abuse and slowly healing then it could potentially change lives. that's this books problem, it's wasted potential and sends a horrible message to others!
I'm sorry to hear about your partner. My parents were wonderful people. The problem was that they are half the world away from me. I sailed half way round the world with them but got off to stay with my ex boyfriend. How my self esteem and self worth was stripped away by him is scary. I can honestly say that my husband and his family helped me greatly. Now that I have reconnected with my family and friends through the internet my life seems to be steady.
Some lady I work with likes Fifty Shades of Grey and actually argued with me when I told her about Grey constantly demanding to know where Ana is by saying, "Well, I always tell my husband where I'm going." She walked off before I could tell her that there is a massive difference between telling your husband where you are of your own accord, and you're husband DEMANDING to know where you are at all times.
@@Xehanort10 Even a husband can stalk a wife obsessively, turning him into a creep. For me the main difference is she openly consented to tell her husband where she is, instead of her husband figuring it out without her consent behind her back.
Edward in Twilight is just creepy and emotionally abusive. Christian Grey in Fifty Shades of Plagiarism and Abuse is creepy, emotionally abusive, and physically abusive.
As a janitor that has had to deal with this problem on the odd occasion, I wholeheartedly agree with this. Those things do *not* flush down the toilet, and getting them out is just gross. Well, back to eating my pizza.
I hate that "trigger warning" has become a joke to people. I've stopped using the word "triggers" when talking about my panic attacks bc people always stop listening and assume I'm just whining after seeing that word in there. THIS is what trigger warnings are supposed to be.
Niamh Corrigan do the trigger warnings ever upset you more than the videos? Because that's how I am sometimes. Like this main video was fine because it was totally fictional. But the warning was upsetting because I'm like "oh yeah, this stuff is real, too... Now I'm going to have to remember real things I've been through"
Niamh Corrigan ok I have a question. I'm a fanfic writer and a few of my characters are abuse survivors. I put trigger warnings on any chapters where that comes up or the effects of that. Is that the right way to use triggers? Like, I'll trigger "panic attacks, mentions of self harm, abuse...". I want to make sure I'm using them correctly.
As far as I'm aware, that is the correct way to trigger warn. Some people go an extra step and use a vague warning like 'PTSD' and then more explicitly describe the potential triggers in an end note for people who have triggers but may be fine with the content. It's really pretty discretionary, use your best judgement and be mindful of your readers, taking on board any concerns they express to you. No one can really ask more.
Niamh Corrigan I think why people get annoyed so much by the addings of trigger warnings is cause when the sjw crowd got a hold of it they killed the idea of it so now people think of other using trigger warning as radfems instead of legit trying to warn people about suggestive content (like another form of parental advisory or viewer discretion)
Bisexual mn here: wearing sweatpants “that way” almost certainly means the way men sometimes put their sweatpants really low on their hips so you can see the space between the obliques and the hips.
I blame Wuthering Fucking Heights and Byron. And at least in Wuthering Heights they were both essentially awful and deserved each other. I just can't stand romanticising twits like these. Jane Eyre (the book) can go suck it as well. And Mr Darcy can just go drown himself in that damn pond, to boot.
@@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494 And _that's_ why Wuthering Heights is still one of my favorite classics. Everybody was fucking miserable thanks to nature and/or nurture, and Cathy & Heathcliff were the prom queen and king of "This Isn't Going To End Well".
@@bicarbonat1 LOL nicely put. It's such an angry book. I never understood women swooning over that pair, but I guess both then and now they represent the absolute spirit of rebellion. In that sense it's really quite subversive - and, unlike this Twihard/Fifty Shades nonsense Cathy and Heathcliff ARE basically equals in mood, desire and contempt....
@@Talisguy Don't worry, you're speaking with an Austen fan. Your last paragraph more stands with my own opinion of that book in particular - I don't think the endless adaptations which really sensationalise his early behaviour (the sexual tension of it all! Look, here he is literally walking towards her sexily clad and dripping wet! Metaphor, anyone?) have helped matters. I hope you could see the humour in my OP too ;-)
The Beatles: "She was just seventeen, you know what I mean." Me: "I don't, actually, but I'm worried I'll seem sheltered unless I pretend that I totally know what you mean." Avril Lavigne: "He was a boy. She was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious?" Me: "I feel like I've been given insufficient information to reach the conclusion you want me to reach." E. L. James: "I'm gonna make his sweat pants hang *in that way*." Me: "I'm starting to feel like the whole universe is full of secret knowledge that only I am not privy to."
You have just encapsulated a significant chunk of my life. I actually played *Kingdom of Loathing* for several years, enjoying it specifically as a barometer of how well I could "get" (and analyze) media references: The game is a giant ball of references and word play, and I love word play, but the references made it somewhat of a crash course in popular media (and innuendos). But yeah, the world having a baseline understanding of Things I Don't Get has been most of my life to date (and I typically find a lot of boundaries only after someone is mad at me for not knowing in advance that the boundary exists -- tact has been a hard skill for me).
RoboDragonn Dude I'm basically trying to write my own novel for fun and believe it or not listening to criticism like the dom actually fires me to write. I don't know what it is but hearing people like the dom roast this book really gets my passions following. And no that is not a euphemism.
On the subject of writing and writing advice...I don't know if you watch her, but Jenna Moreci has a RU-vid channel all about writing if you ever want tips. I've learned a lot from her videos!
@@Xehanort10 esp. since there are really, really good fanfic authors out there. It would be disheartening to see this woman's success if there weren't also high-brow novels on sale to even it out.
It's not so much that pulling out a tampon without asking is emotionally invasive (even though I totally get that stance), it's that pulling out a tampon that isn't fully soaked through HURTS AS FUCK
Julia Mavroidi Also, he throws it INTO THE TOILET!!! That's not what you're supposed to do! Even my dad, who refuses to acknowledge the fact that I get a period, knows this!
Yo Kennedy My dad and I just have an unspoken agreement that I go to mom about stuff like that, and leave him out of it. stuff like that squicks him out *rolls eyes*
Julia Mavroidi That's why I still haven't used tampons for more than 7 minutes. Thankfully, the 2nd time, I waited until I bled enough to pull it out easily.
@@dustyrose192 I know! Is she talking about some kind of pitching a tent scenario? I just don't get it! I mean, there's a waistband, so maybe it's a low-rider situation... goddamn this makes my head hurt! Sweatpants don't hang, they just sit there! That's, like, the point of sweatpants! Aargh!!
If you've ever read twist and shout, a destiel fanfiction.. woaaaaah its good. If you haven't watched Supernatural, it doesnt matter, because the fanfiction works just like a book ;O! Its one of the best 'books' ive ever read.
I remember my mom reading these when I was like 14 or 15 and she casually mentioned to me that she was reading a book about BDSM. Now, my mom is borderline ace so I couldn't imagine her ever being into it, and she actually said something along the lines of "If you ever treat a woman the way Christian treats Ana, you will no longer be my son." So, me being curious, I looked into the books and I was just as appalled as my mom was. Glad to see I'm not the weird one here.
I hate to say it but I was that naive girl who believed this shit was romance and ended up in an abusive relationship for years... Thank god I finally realized the truth and got out!
You know what's weird? I remember once reading a Twilight fanfiction where Edward and Bella had a BDSM relationship. This was before Fifty Shades was ever published. I was only 15 at the time and had no idea what BDSM even really was but I remember enjoying the story nonetheless. At the time, I thought it was well written, I remember Edward and Bella being way more interesting and complex than Stephenie Meyer had ever written them and this fanfic even introduced me to a new poet. When The Dom made his point about aftercare being an important aspect of a dom/sub relationship, I remembered that fanfic because I remember there being scenes where Edward bathed and treated Bella after any spankings, clearly showing that this author knew something about BDSM. I can't remember the story title or author but it just makes me sad thinking that there was once a much better version of this type of story out there that never saw daylight while this steaming pile of dogshit sold millions.
@@agirlinsearchof9057 There's definitely some good Twilight fanfics out there, you just got to look in the right place. It helps that the fandom has had a recent resurgence and now everyone just fixes the saga in various ways.
@ I have read more fanfiction than actual books at this point (I mean they are free after all) and there are complete novels out there that sometimes have little to do with the source material and that are better written than published novels that are far better than twilight. Also a lot of authors put out original content on fancition sides aswell. Actually the only common base that has explict content on fanfiction is ao3 and the explict content isn't even a lot if you compare it to the other parts (not rates, general audiences, mature and teen and up) with generally teen and up making the majority of all fancition in general. So it's mostly small stuff like non-explicit shipping. Aka what if they lived today, what if they were at Hogwarts or right now there are a lot of trick-or-treat/ Halloween party storys. Not saying there isn't smut/pwp stuff out there, because there is a lot out there, but it's not even a quarter of the fanfictions out there. Most sides also completly fobid publishing any postive take on child pornography. Most actually don't allow any explicit sexual content. Like you can write about horrible things happening as part of the story, but not in a postive light, aka the child likes it. And isn't mlp my little pony? How can that even have child porn? Those are literally ponys.
3 года назад
@@TemariNaraannaschatz I seen a picture of sweetie belle, a Definitive Child kissing fluttershy who's obviously a teenager! Who has an angel named(ironically) white rabbit, wanna see how deep the 🐰/🕳 goes? Darker=perverted.
Real men let their daughters put bows in their hair and put makeup on them because they wanna make daddy beautiful. Weak, spineless trolls masquerading as men have to say no homo before wiping their own ass. Christian Gray is the latter. I bet he's afraid to use Siri because he can't have a woman giving him directions.
Feels stupid to be offended by a girl offering to buy u pancakes. I mean I’ll happily take those pancakes and kindly repay the favor by paying for her food next time.
As a sub myself it is SOOOOO satisfying seeing someone who actually knows what they’re talking about picking this apart, seriously it’s ridiculous how many people are still defending this drivel even today😫 Edit: my god I adore how angry you get about this, it’s like me arguing with Grey apologists and getting so angry I want to make them eat sand
I know! You'd think if you were going to publish a book and use BDSM as one of the main plot devices, you'd do a bit of fucking research, but apparently not!
It’s infuriating that this became so mainstream as a kinky trilogy but had absolutely zero context or understanding for anything BDSM related. Did she get all her information from a bad wiki article? This doesn’t look anything ever remotely like real kink. I get so frustrated trying to reason with those vanilla people that think this is the best thing next to sliced bread.
It sounds like she did zero research and only wrote what she THOUGHT bdsm is. I’m a psychology major with an English minor. This entire book infuriates me from the bad writing and grammar to the horrible implications that a bdsm is a mental illness that the right person can cure. No no no. Not to mention that whole scene in the later book that Grey’s counselor tells Ana that she curing him just by in a relationship with him is so disgusting and that counselor should have their license revoked.
@@sadies8100 honestly from what i heard seems like the actor who played grey (and maybe even the rest of the staff involved in the movie adaptation) did a lot more and better research than james did. i mean, apparently he got in contact with an actual dom who agreed to show him a session with his subs. something that i'd imagine was highly uncomfortable for someone who probably wasn't as familiar with the scene.
No sequels, Dom? You'll miss the part where marrying your abuser and accidentally getting pregnant by said abuser turns out to be absolutely emotionally crippling and DANGEROUS to a woman! YES THAT HAPPENS IT GETS WORSE I HATE THESE BOOKS *sigh* My point is... I don't blame you, Dom -_- You've suffered enough.
And yet he suffers more, as he just put out the fifty shades free review and we shall remind ourselves, that the only one free now is dominic from touching any of these books again.
One of my favorite pieces of advice about writing sex scenes: "Giving a reader a sex scene that is only half right is like giving her half of a kitten. It is not half as cute as a whole kitten; it is a bloody, godawful mess."
'If I see anyone seeing posting anything hateful or unnecessarily argumentative they will be permanently banned from the channel'. I just wanna say I think that was very fair and mature of you to start out the video this way. The comment section can be vile at times and actually letting ppl know you'll take no shit is a good way of keeping it civil. Good on you Dom.
I agree this was an incredibly decent thing to do. Next to the reasons you mentioned, I would like to add that this gave me a sense of safety going in to read the comments. I have survived a shitload of abuse myself, and usually comment sections on videos lie this one, are a vile cesspool that make my stomach turn. Due to the Dom mentioning this at the beginning of the video, I felt perfectly safe reading comments here. That is a rare treat for me. :)
I worked at an adult store when this came out, and I spent a lot of my time explaining what BDSM really is about and how this book was wrong in basically every way possible. Thank you for making this video!
Full disclosure, if y’all wanna do something crazy while making love ALWAYS HAVE CONSENT. Otherwise ud get reported and jailed… wait why didn’t Ana ever call the cops on Gray in the book? Why didn’t the people who saw Gray carry Ana to the hotel call the cops when she started screaming? Then again the book only cares about making this look romantic… but it’s not… it’s weird
Irony that it started as a Twilight fanfic where Edward wasn't a vampire but just an abusive billionaire.... And then all the "author" changed was the names of the characters... I'm highly convinced that the only reason Meyer hasn't sued James is because Meyer refuses to read Fifty Shades. Lol
Not being able to say your safeword because your "dom" keeps your mouth shut or prevents you from talking at all is sexual harrassment bordering on rape.
Yeah, 50 Shades is just a story about the abuser and the victim. I have friends who are in the bdsm community and they've told me this is a bad representation of bdsm. Though, even if I didn't have friends who know more about this stuff than me, I'd still know that these books are rubbish and that bdsm isn't really like this.
My personal headcanon is that Grey worked his way into the BDSM community and was going to events, dated women from there, and participated in scenes, but he went on for far too long while ignoring any correction of his practices. He had the money so he threw his weight around. Eventually he just became "That guy" and was frozen out of events, as well as new people were warned about him. Eventually, no one would do more than talk with him, and even then if they were a young woman they wouldn't talk without someone else as backup. So he concentrated on his "Red Room" and actively looked for a young woman who wasn't even in the scene.
LarsBlitzer I like this headcanon but unfortunately E L James is a horrible writer and would never write that because Christian Grey is a Gary Stu who can never do anything wrong.
About that bit were a woman tells a man they are like a brother to them: I do understand how certain men would not want to hear that, but on the flip side (and that is obviously just my view on it and I don't claim that most if even all women feel like this) this is an effective way to establish borders. Way too often have I found myself in a situation were a male "friend" of mine made sexual advances towards me even though I never even remotely felt about them that way or even suspected them to feel about myself like this. So if it means that I have to ever so slightly hurt my friend's ego by calling him my brother just to make abudantly clear that his chances of potentially scoring with me is basically zero, then so be it. It's not about telling someone they are not generally sexually desirable, it's just that I feel platonic love for them and want to only keep it platonic. So if the person in question thinks that they are less sexy for it, then it's on them. You know, sender and receiver communication model. And let's not forget that me considering a friend family of mine is really rare and that they should feel fucking honored about that.
Yeah, now that I think about it, his argument is "We hate it because it sounds like we don't have even a theoretical chance of scoring with you" and that's *exactly what it means* so, yeah.
Agreed. I thought that complaint was weird. Not to mention that saying "You're like a brother to me" to another man is like, the most intimate thing you can say to a friend without it being sexual, so why should it be the absolute opposite with a woman just because you're attracted to women? What Dom said kind of made me think of "Friendzone" memes, to which my response was almost always "Oh boo hoo, a girl doesn't want to fuck you, like that never happens!" Even if a girl didn't call a guy "like a brother to her" it doesn't mean that he's definitely on the table for sex when she wants it. If you're in a friendship where you're just passively waiting to have the person agree to have sex with you, you're not being a good friend.
I told a guy friend of mine that he was like a brother to me, and he appreciated it. I didn't tell it to him to shut him down sexually, since we both don't feel that way about each other. I told him because we have a good, strong friendship of support, a love of bad '80s cartoons and mutual insults. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb and all that. (Don't get me wrong, I still love my sibling brother.)
I told my male best friend this and he was happy because he's not a creep and he doesn't want to get with me. He actually was the one who friendzoned me first haha!
I haven't actually read this book, but I do have experience with abusers so I know exactly why Christian was so attracted to her. Because abusers choose their victims extremely well. Were Christian Grey a real person, he would've seen Anastasia shy awkward personality as a sign that she would be easily manipulated and controlled and would've chosen her for exactly that reason. I've been lucky enough that the majority of the romance and YA fiction I've read has featured pretty egalitarian relationships between the main characters, but this review has shown me that the majority of them don't, and that is incredibly problematic. What does it teach young women (the majority of romance/fantasy readers) if psychologically and even physically abusive relationships are normalized in mainstream media??
And that actually makes Dom's point about people with low self-esteem much more terrifying--the less value you find in yourself as a person, the more abusers will find value in you as an object of their cruelty. And these are the people finding themselves loving Twilight and Fifty Shades! At such young ages, no less!
I speak from experience too,and you are right.I am a shy and social awkward person,but I am married,and few months ago I met a handsome guy(this Mr.Grey type)that liked me like Grey liked Ana.I liked him too,but not that way,and when I told him,he started to act like a douche.I don't want to offend anybody,but usually beautiful/handsome people can be very manipulative,because they know they have the looks and they can,especially with less attractive people.
@@MegaKhelditia To be fair, and I know I'm committing the cardinal sin of the Internet by saying this... Twilight doesn't deserve to be compared to 50 Shades. The prose is far better, the male love interests come off as stupid immature teenagers as opposed to serial abusers and stalkers, some of the fantasy stuff is actually pretty cool, and at least Twilight was more or less an original idea. Also, a fantasy world where vampires sparkle and werewolves shapeshift at will is a far lesser evil compared to the myths and misinformation about real life subjects that show up in 50 shades.
@@brifox True. It makes more sense that the main love interests are predatory in Twilight, since they're either a perpetually youthful centennial bloodsucker or a half wolf. The former gets a pass on acting creepy, since he's not close to human anymore, nor has he been for decades, his only real companions being immortal siblings (kinda). The latter... eh. That scene where he forcefully kissed Bella was unacceptable, but at least Meyer wrote it plainly as such. I have mixed feelings. Lindsay Ellis (Nostlagia Chick, if you knew her by that) has a good video essay regarding Twilight and Stephanie Meyer. It tweaked my view of the series.
Jamie Blackmarr Dumbledore at the end of the year: For 'The Dom' 100 point to -propally Ravenclaw- for the great Review about this horrible book. * then he Starts talking the whole meal about it being a pitty how it reflects on FanFictions and 16 Year old virgins writing better storys *
Thank you, Dom, for not only understanding what a trigger warning actually is, but also doing your research into a subject you have limited knowledge of and presenting it in such a clear way. It truly means a lot and your efforts are highly appreciated. Looking forward to your reviews on this!
Props to you for using an actual trigger warning, not a 'don't get butt-hurt, you clicked here' warning. I don't know how I got here, but gods bless this...
lol when women say "you're like a brother to me" to men the purpose of that more often than not is to do exactly what you said, kill any potential attraction or pursuit and make it clear that there's never going to be anything happening but friendship. especially when men unfortunately tend to develop feelings for their female friends because of seeing friendships with women as a means to an end rather than worthwhile platonic relationships or/and treat normal friendship things coming from women as romantic and therefore develop feelings, it's a great and safe way to establish boundaries, that and calling them bro dude and stuff like that although even that can backfire so calling them a brother is a sure way to do it, very often there are women online asking how to stop the whole "I become friends with men and they end up falling for me" thing and calling them bros and stuff is probably the most common advice given, just wanted to provide another perspective haha
It’s language I use a lot as a female with no interest in relationships but who still wants friends like any person. With male friends it’s extremely common for me to call them bro, or sometimes dude, man or fam. Never really had issues with it aside from two occasions, first was because I was younger and didn’t even know the guy was flirting with me until it was too late (I was EXTREMELY shy, socially awkward and had never actually interacted with a dude in a friendship setting so I may have been a little at fault) and second because the guy couldn’t take a hint even after I explained it to him bluntly. Otherwise this kinda language is probably the best way of setting those boundaries without just being unnecessarily mean or blunt and gives the dude the opportunity to either decide that they want to continue a plutonic friendship or if they want to back away: Good for both sides.
Yep - calling a man "like a brother" is a favorite go-to, to explicitly tell a guy that it will never happen. Of course, coming out to them as gay aro-ace would be the other way... but that's incredibly personal, requires nuanced discussion, and definitely not the preferred first option. If I cannot get it through to them that they have no chance whatsoever, then I'd resolve myself to it, blatantly stating that their entire gender is a no-go. I've been a bit lucky in that I haven't run into any guys who tried beyond that (unlike other lesbians or ace women), but I'd rather not risk it unless I really had to. But alas, I value platonic male friendship (just as I'd value friendship with women and people of other genders), so what am I supposed to do to develop male friendships while killing off any and every chance of them hoping for anything non-platonic?
@@zaramikazuki8374 telling them your aro ace would not help either, I can tell from experience. Even if they know you are never ever attracted to anyone, you smiling at them twice often leads to them getting this mad idea, with them it would be different. That they would be the magic key It is redicioulus, that kinda bs happened to me so often it would be comical if it was not so hurtful for all involved
Well, one woman can't really be representative of all women. And if you're a sub-par writer too shitty to research the BDSM you're basing your entire plot on then you may have some trouble conveying abstract things in a reliable way (such as the going ons in any mind, female or otherwise)
I don’t think she understands what consent is, what psychological physical and emotional abuse is, how the subconscious mind works, what after care is and the importance. He doesn’t understand a lot and it’s Pretty sad.
@@ConversationBomb In Europe, there have been two cases where men took off a condom during sex. Their sexual partners had requested the use of said condom. Both were convicted. (One of rape, the other of 'just assault'.) www.cnn.com/2018/12/20/health/stealthing-germany-sexual-assault-scli-intl/index.html When I read it, I remember thinking, "That wouldn't happen here in the States." The women would probably have been slut-shamed.
It's sex when there's consent. It's rape when there's not. If they say three thrusts in "I've changed my mind", guess what? There's no more consent. So now it's the choice: Stop, because they're not consenting anymore, or continue and be a rapist. There is no reality in which continuing is not rape.
Sir Dominic Noble. I am currently Studying Community Services here in Australia (its its kinda like social worker, but not quite. ) My class is currently covering Domestic and Family Violence, i have told my class about these videos as part of how abusive relationships can be highly romanticized in media. I know this is years late but Thank you for all the work you have done into researching this dangerous thing called a book. Including how thoughtful you are in using trigger warnings, being non judgmental about ppl who engage in BDSM properly, as well as your support of shelters. You Sir, truly are Noble.
This might have been said already, but the contract wouldn't help Gray defend against rape charges. Any decent criminal prosecutor would be able to use it against him. Also, writing a contract like that could be grounds for the lawyer to be disbarred in some states. (dis-barring means the lawyer can no longer practice law in that state, and will be brought up any time they attempt to join the bar in another state. Being dis-barred can destroy a lawyer's career.)
I'm pretty sure E.L. James found the contract online and just copied and pasted it (someone searched at one point and found it word for word), so I like to think Grey did the same thing. Also it was a slave contract, not the submissive contract he claims it was. 😡
What lawyer? It wasn’t a legal contract, no lawyer would ever write something like that. Dom/sub contracts and master/slave contract are sometimes used in BDSM relationships, but obviously they aren’t legally binding, which Christian knows (even though he of course tried to hide that fact from poor, dumb Ana.)
@@haggisa Um, I never read these books, but maybe the lawyer wrote up the non-disclosure agreement anna signs without reading (and breaks anyway), not the dom/sub contract.
Little bit late, but as far as the Hitler one goes, I can actually see why they did that. Influential isnt the same thing as being a good person after all, and I think most people can agree that Hitler definitely caused a major change in the world, a horrible change for sure, but it definitely was a change that I think does make some sense as to why he has that spot. (Repeating for Clarity once more, this is NOT saying that I agree with him, just that during that time period he did have a lot of influence that's still felt to this day)
I disagree with "never tell a guy he's like a brother to you". I feel really chuffed and special when a girl says to me that she feels safe enough around me and trusts me enough to consider me a brother.
Agreed. Not to mention that allowing them to have that "possibility" hanging around can lead a lot of desperately infatuated people (since anyone with sexual/romantic drive can experience this) into thinking there might be a chance someday, so they keep holding on to that "hope." Which, of course, not only inevitably damages their relationship with the person they're nuts for, but just about any chance of a healthy relationship outside of that, since that aforementioned hope usually interferes with moving on.
Good on ya mate 👍🏻 I say this as a lady with a mate whom I consider my bro, it’s always a blessing to have you lot as mates. Keep doing what you doing man 👏🏻
@@eduardoumanzor8506 Anyone can be sensitive, non-hetero or both, and there's nothing wrong with that. 🤗 There is, however, something wrong with being labled as something you aren't because of stereotypes.
Books like this are so freaking dangerous. A friend of mine (she's 17) is in a relationship with an absolute douchebag who treats her like garbage but hey, getting "spanked", forbidden normal interactions with guys and constant harassment is portrayed as normal in her favourite book, so everything's fine. I'm so upset over this novel, the hype around it and the complete blindness some people have in regards of the emotional and physical abuse. (Hope what I said made sense, english isn't my first language)
It made complete sense. I also had a friend in high school who said that stalking was cute if it wasn't a creep because it just means "he really wants to be with you." Her favorite book was Twilight....
MSU studied 650 women aged 18 - 24 and found that fans of "50 Shades of Grey" were 25% - 34% more likely to be in an abusive relationship than non-fans. The study was published in the Women's Health Journal.
The same effect hapenned on the source the book was inspired, Twilight. There was an article about Woman's shelter. twilight-sucks.livejournal.com/511586.html#cutid1
I had a similar experience, though thankfully brief. I was in college when the movie came out and everyone was talking about it, and we ended up in a (mostly girls) class discussion about it, including with the (male) professor (it sort of made sense for the class topic).They kept trying to tell me that Ana "comes to enjoy it" and "consented to it" and that's why what Christian does is okay. I tried to bring up the clearly unequal power dynamics and how Ana is clearly only just tolerating the BDSM for his sake but was talked over. The professor even made jokes about how Christian was the real victim because he ended up being "roped into marriage" (even though HE is the one who pushes for tying her down). Disgusting. It was this weird moment of "wow, you all seemed like nice and normal people before this day, but clearly I can't actually trust you not to have fucked up views of relationships and men and women".
As a person with a uterus and who experiences menstruation, here is what I would find endearing from people of the penis persuasion: --Being unafraid to discuss menstruation and menstrual-related topics, or at the very least not acting like a five-year about it whenever the topic comes up. --Being unafraid and unashamed to buy menstrual products for a uterus-persuasion partner should the need arise. --I've seen reports about teenage boys trying to start a movement where teen boys carry around pads and tampons for their teen girl buddies, if needed, to be helpful and I think this is fucking awesome and shows an incredible amount of maturity. --Being supportive and caring during the bleeding days, taking cues from the person doing the bleeding. Things I would not find endearing: --Plunging one's hands or any other body parts unasked into my bleeding vagina. For any reason.
40 seconds in and I'm already so thankful that you recognize that REAL trigger warnings definietly can be needed for real when discussing sensetive topics.
And at least he knows the proper meaning of the word triggered unlike the ones who use it as another way of saying offended because they can't handle being called out for saying something shitty and when they get called out start saying people are "snowflakes" and "SJW's."
This book was so horrible. It was horribly written, horrible plotline, and a horrible "representation" of bdsm. It was just awful and idk how people actually enjoyed it. It is very dangerous and people should not see this as a romance novel.
The people who actively went to see the movie were probably a bunch of people who hadn't read the book and thought it would be a sexy movie to watch. Basically a porno one could see at theaters. I think I remember seeing a post somewhere about many theater workers finding all types of penetration items like cucumbers among the trash left behind in these movie playings. No joke.
The “sweatpants hanging off him that way” thing did immediately make sense to me- basically, low hanging pants that show off the top of his hip bones. Some women find that very attractive.
She could have just written it like that, then. "His sweatpants hung low, showing off his (insert steamy adjectives) hip bones." Her writing that very simple yet effective description as "that way" is not only immature, but also vague, implying anything from them just being low-waisted to Christian using his dick like a coat hanger.
I find it sad that this is a love story and a fan fiction. Although Twilight is hated by almost everyone, it's still a light read for me because a ton of the books I read are very graphic is the form of violence and horror. Compared to Twilight, this is NOT A LOVE STORY at all!
17:23 - 17:29 My god, he's done it. He's discovered the reason why people like schlock like Twilight and Fifty Shades. o_O He's discovered why people misread it as the perfect relationship. Because they're relationships in which the main character with low self esteem doesn't have to try in the slightest to overcome their flaws to experience romance with an ideal person. That ideal person is a static god who sees no flaws in the main character and that ideal person does all the work in the relationship.
Fun fact: Emilia Clarke(aka Daenerys Targaryen) was offered the role of Anastasia, but ultimately turned it down because she was afraid of being labeled as a nudity actress. This is her direct quote on her reasoning for turning down the role: “Well, Sam is a magician. I love her, and I thought her vision was beautiful. But the last time that I was naked on camera on Game of Thrones was a long time ago, and yet it is the only question that I ever get asked because I am a woman,” Clarke said. “And it’s annoying as hell, and I’m sick and tired of it because I did it for the character-I didn’t do it so some guy could check out my tits, for God’s sake. I did a minimal amount and I’m pigeonholed for life, so me saying yes to that, where the entire thing is about sensuality and sex and being naked and all of that stuff, I was just like, ‘No way am I going to voluntarily walk into that situation.’
To be fair, Emilia is very attractive and it doesn't help that she was portraying a very popular character. I mean, imagine not only seeing your fictional crush be portrayed on TV but also getting the nudity.
I think what really angers me is that the book treats this like a romance, you can write a book where horrible abusive relationships happen, but at least acknowledge that it isn't love, and that people in real life should not want this kind of relationship.
Bethany Norris Where do you get off assuming that you know what's best for everyone! I know couples like this and they would be deeply offended by your characterization of all dom-sub relationships as "abusive". Why don't you worry about what works for you and let others figure out what works for them. Believe it or not there are plenty of loving, successful relationships out there that don't fit into your vanilla cookie cutter idea of what love should be like.
I knew that Fifty Shades of Grey was bad and not an accurate representation of BDSM but you tearing it apart like this is so cathartic to watch. And good on you for researching too.
It's kinda hot, too. Just a bit. But not as hot as him absolutely tearing apart "the mystery method." There is nothing more attractive than an already excellent man destroying this kind of bullshit, and the way he goes about it is just perfect.
Thank god someone talked about how buying gifts for someone who doesnt want it pushes boundaries. I get so uncomfortable wen someone buys me gifts wen it isnt a holiday or i ask for something. I have broken up with SO MANY people because of this and i always get that im ungrateful, its actually a reason im scared to enter relationships because i really dont want to hear im ungrateful because i dont feel comfortable with gifts. I feel like i owe someone something wen i receive gifts and i really dont want to be in that position in a relationship.
Evidently, that stuff was an attempt for Mitchell (EL James’s real last name) to have her main character enjoy all the benefits of having a mega-rich sugar daddy without coming across as a gold digger. Now, you may be reasonably be thinking “Well, why not just establish that Ana’s not dating Grey just for his money?” Join the club.
AFAIK, Stephenie Meyer didn't like it, because there was "too much sex". Her books were very adamant on that "waiting till marriage" thing. But she didn't comment on the quality of the writing or anything else.
I wrote an essay on the legality of fanfiction and as I recall Meyer didn't have any problem with it on a copyright basis because she saw it as transformative. Since EL James published in the UK whether she could have pursued a copyright violation claim is debatable because the only element from her work that James actually took were the characters, and in the UK characters alone aren't enough to claim copyright. And if you tried it under US law fair use comes into play. But fanfiction in general is a legal grey area because few works have actually been taken all the way to court - at worst all a content creator has to do is send a cease and desist and the fanfic writer usually gets scared off - its what happened back in the day with Star Wars
The plot of Fifty shades of grey could easily be rewritten as a thriller. It could be about how Anastasia has a short relationship with Christian Grey before ultimately dumping him because of his abusive behaviour. However after that he just keeps randomly appearing wherever she goes (stalking her) and even starts threatening her when she tries to move on and date other people. Heck it could even be somewhat decent like that!
He said "I will not put myself through the sequels." I looked down the playlist and raised an eyebrow. 'It's going to be an entertaining playlist' I thought.
