RIP Annie Mary Bradley 21/8/29-22/8/13 On 3/7/13 I took her home from getting a scan at the hospital she had trained and worked in from 1948, and as she got out of the car she looked at the back garden and pointed to one particular huge shrub covered in dark red flowers. She said I've never seen it bloom so much before. It's beautiful. That's before something. The grief nearly drove me to Duluth n Hibbing, I had a ticket for Alberta, I got to Ottawa and only then knew in a country where I knew no-one that she wasn't coming back.
I only stopped communicating with everyone because I thought he couldn’t do that to me so I must’ve been wrong. Didn’t then know who I’d been talking to. Thought I’d been fooled by someone who knew my Achilles heel and was frightened as didn’t know who. So stopped communicating. Stopped doing social media. Stopped eating, listening to music. Wanted to be dead every day. Only my dad kept me here. Felt humiliated to be so taken in. I didn’t leave anyone in my view. I was protecting what was left of myself. I hadn’t one moment of joy for a very long time except when with my father and covid curtailed that massively. I thought then I’d kill myself when my dad was gone. But somehow and I don’t understand how, a month later I thought he’d want me to live. My dad that is. So I then felt able to try to live again. From somewhere hope came and also only once he was gone did I believe in God which he’d tried to hard to make me believe in since I was born. Am not sure if that makes sense.
