Free Range vs Strict Parents: Is Spanking Your Kids Ever Okay? | Middle Ground 

Nguyen was the best dad yo. "It's not so much about teaching your kids, but learning with them." Love his humility.

“There’s no privacy because you don’t pay any bills”... 😕 she’s 7.

Every child, especially teens, needs some kind of privacy.

Let’s bring them all back when their kids are teenagers to see how they feel about their parenting and how it’s going. Would be super interesting

Nguyen seems like a good dad. When he noticed his kid started hitting himself he took a step back and reevaluated his parenting technique. Not all parents are that self-aware

“I pay the bills, I feed you, I gave you a home” yeah that’s like the whole point

Jenny saying she wants to stop parenting when her kids turn 18 made me so mad. If you have kids you should be prepared to be their parent for the rest of your life. They will always be your kid.

“You don’t pay any bills you don’t have any privacy” does she not realize her daughter didn’t choose to be born & literally has no choice but to live with her mom. She can’t pay bills and you decided to have her that’s on you to pay for her. You don’t get to put it on her like she’s gonna owe you something later for it.

Strict parents: *says something* Other parents: *disagree* Strict parents: *spank the other parents*

Nguyen was the only parent I really agreed with. He's not really strict or free range.

I really liked a lot of Nguyen's views on things. He does identify as more on the strict side but he also remains aware of how his children feel and listens to that, which is very important.

Jenny is the type of mom I would hate to meet on a plane. She comes off like she’d encourage her kids to be as disruptive and entitled as possible and think it’s cute

Nguyen is the perfect balance of strict and free range

"The beauty of parenting is not what you're teaching your child but what you're learning with your child" - Nguyen

Too much freedom will make them spoiled and entitled, too much restrictions will make someone angry and rebellious

Saying you want to stop being a mom when your kids turn 18 is one of the most toxic and dangerous things I've ever heard. I'm glad all the other parents sassed her about it lol

Lady: "You train a dog, not a kid" Me: *cant stop associating "Free Range Kids" with "Free Range Chickens" *

as a child i personally dislike the term "Free Range" as it makes us children sound like farm animals

that feeling when your parents tell you to your face “i dont believe you have rights because you’re a child” is… eye opening and terrifying

That's insane that she doesn't want to be a mom after her kids turn 18. Everyone needs a momma no matter what age, not just friends.

Parents who say I pay the bills and bring food on the table, that is something you are SUPPOSED to do that as a parent

THAT LADY SAID "I LET HER DRAW" LIKE ITS SOME CRAZY LAYED BACK PARENT THING

“It’s an effective punishment” And traumatizing.

Hal and Jenny are examples that both strict and free range parents can be horrible parents.

"When you hear the term 'Free-Range parent', what do you think of?" You're lying if you don't think of CHICKENS

The guy in the yellow jacket seemed like the most well balanced. You can tell he puts a lot of value in his child's thoughts and emotions.

Being beaten for doing something wrong seriously fucked me up as an adult. I can’t talk about my abuse without bawling my eyes out because it affected my entire personality. I have no experience setting boundaries, I’m a perfectionist and people pleaser, and I have a really hard time expressing my emotions. If emotional enough, I’ll resort to violence because that’s how I grew up. Unlearning all of this has been the most difficult part of my life and I feel bad for that guys kids. Showing violence toward those you love will never be the correct thing to do and I hope more parents see this and start thinking about how their actions affect their children

My parents would chase me down and beat me. Full on BEAT ME. They would tell me to stop crying or they’d give me something to cry about. I’ve been put in the garage after they hit me. No. Thrown in the garage. They leave me alone now but this led to me staying in my room all day, depression at an extremely young age, hating physical touch, sewerslide attempts, and loads of other mental problems. Discipline should not ever be mistaken for abuse. Whenever I try to say my own opinions and I have to try not to cry. Even if what I’m saying is not that serious. I have a friend who was mentally abused by their dad and that led to them being both mentally and physically abusive towards me. I not only hate myself because of them, but I hate almost everything. Adults especially.

Tell me why all the free range parents look like art teachers....

woman: "when you hear the term "free-range" parent what do you think?" me: free range chicken.

as a new parent, I slowly realized that every kid is different and needs different rules. you just need to figure out one suitable way for you and your kids.

Love cannot equal violence.

This is where a parent should be: Strict--------I--------Free Range

"i don't want a trained child-" "okay well i do." 💀

If I had a parent like Hal, I would be suppressing all that hate deep inside. As soon as I’m able, I would leave this family and disassociate myself from them.

My mom beat me & my sibling with belts & extension cords, sometimes bare naked, sometimes fully clothed. She claims it was because her dad did it to her and his mom did it to him. NOW my sibling does it to their toddler, even slaps the child in the face. My mom now says things like "when you know better, you do better." So I mentioned the slap to my mom & she made excuses for my sibling claiming stress and being tired is the reason. She learned NOTHING and is still very controlling. It's sickening! Now, I at 36, have to spend my adult life in f**king therapy, but I want to be healed before dating again, getting married, & bringing a life into this evil world.

I would rather my kids think “omg I really need to call mom for help” vs “omg mom can’t find out about this... I can’t call her or else she’ll get pissed”

being too strict is not healthy, but being too free range is also very problematic for the child.

I don’t want to be a strict nor a free range parent, I want to be somewhere in the middle, I’ll never spank my kids but will discipline them well. I feel since I was raised by an overly religiously strict parent it hurts me to do the same thing to my child.

What's best in parenting is having a little bit of both, you should never be TOO strict but also never TOO lenient. You should be in the middle :)

They should’ve brought a kid and ask them how they feel about their parents being free range or strict

“she doesn’t pay the bills” well she’s a child she shouldn’t

I was raised by free range parents and I can’t imagine not being able to do basic things or have my own things and my own privacy as if I’m not my own person… like… I’ll tell my parents what I want to tell them and I don’t do anything they wouldn’t approve of anyways. but even if I did, I make my own mistakes and that will be on me not them.

Spanking is in no way discipline, it's child abuse. Call me soft if you want, but I've lived through it, and I wouldn't DREAM of saying "thank you" to the parent who used to hit me. You're taking advantage of the fact that as a parent you're more powerful in every way (financially, physically, the fact that you're the authority figure), and essentially bullying someone who is smaller, weaker, and more impressionable. It's insanely messed up. I was spanked as a kid and if I have kids I will NEVER hit them as a punishment. I went through a lot of that as a kid, and I used to get picked up by my hair and dragged around, it was horrific. I still think about it to this day, and now every time my hair gets pulled or caught on something by accident, I lose my mind, because it reminds me of what I went through as a kid. Hal is raising kids that will almost certainly suffer from childhood trauma, and probably have mental illness as well. There's other ways to punish them besides physically abusing them. If he hit his wife, he would go to jail. But if he hits his kids (who are weaker and smaller and less powerful than his wife) that's acceptable?

I like how they keep saying “free range” like there organic chicken

"you don't get privacy because you don't pay bills." SEVEN. YEAR. OLD. CHILDREN. DON'T. PAY. BILLS. THEY. HAVE. NO. MONEY.

I relate to Jody so much, I never had parents and its so hard forever. It never stops being hard, tbh when I became an adult not having parents felt even harder. You face SO MANY things as an adult that would be so much easier or survivable if you had someone at your back that you can fall back on. Never having anyone that will just be there no matter what sucks. Never having anyone that will help you at your lowest is hard.

Anyone who was raised from a cage will always find a way to get out. You will learn to do things secretly. You'll be the perfect kid in front of everyone but a skillful mischievous kid behind wether you like or not, because you were raised from a stressful environment where they give no choice but to follow strict rules.

Nguyen’s parenting seems like a good middle point.

A good parent leans towards free range but is strict in the right way.

no relationship can be truly close if theres no friendship in between

I teach kindergarten and have had multiple students become violent with others, and constantly hit their classmates. 100% of these children were spanked or hit at home. Do NOT spank your children. How am I as a teacher supposed to teach my students that hitting others is wrong if their parents hit them? It breaks my heart to see so many young children come to me complaining and crying about their parents and I not being able to do anything. Children grow more violent with more anger issues when hit or spanked. Researchers found that children who were physically disciplined (spanking, swatting, etc.) showed much more aggressive behaviors, thus leading to a greater likeliness of being spanked even more-this creates a vicious cycle that breeds children with anger issues. DO NOT have children if you cannot contain your anger.

"you don't get privacy, you don't pay the bills" and that is how you give your kids anxiety

There is a difference between being strict and abusive. Same with ‘free range’ and neglectful.

I had a friend who wanted to quit piano lessons. His parents forced him to keep going saying no you can't quit. He later took his own life. He was being abused by the piano teacher. He even tried telling them. They called him a liar.

nguyen was the best parent there

"because im the parent and youre the child" -my parents every time i voice my opinion

Being too strict is not the answer because when your too strict when your child turns 18 they’ll be out running loose like a goose. Trust me I’m 19 and I’ve seen it happen.

There is so much grey area here, neither extremes work - being too strict will lead to hiding, lying, manipulation, etc… being too passive will lead to kids with no guidance or boundaries. I love that Christian talks about it all being one giant experiment and that’s so true. The most important thing is to own up to any mistakes you feel you made and repair with your kid later on. As we get older, we start to see our parents as fallible humans who mess up sometimes but it’s the repair that we’re all looking for as adults - we just want to hear an “I’m sorry” or “Yeah I wish I had handled that differently with you” from our parents and so much healing can come from that. We can’t control whether our parents will ever give us that closure, but we can choose to take those difficult steps of swallowing our pride and being intentional with our own kids. Take the pressure off of yourself of needing to be a “perfect” parent and let yourself make mistakes when you know you’re making what feels like the best choice in the moment and if it turns out later on that it wasn’t, you know that you did your best and you can admit your faults. As your child grows up, they will come to understand your decisions and respect you more and learn that it’s okay for them to make mistakes in life too, especially if they go on to have kids themselves. Repair, repair, repair.

I am 22 now, started education at university still living with my mom. My mom used to hit me as a child, and was never warm or “friendly“ to me, also didn’t believe in privacy. My dad on the other hand would talk to be about real life issues and was open with me. I resent my mother and deeply struggle with having a conversation with her. I wish she was more of a friend for me, especially immigrating to Canada having nobody. Her parenting style has shown in how I am socially and emotionally (depression, anxiety, and anger) and I’m working everyday to heal from past experiences with her

"she doesnt pay any bills so she doesnt have privacy" yeah she's also sven years old

Next middle ground topic: Children of free range parents vs Children of strict parents Edit: probably teenagers and young adults preferably xD

My dad used to spank me and I was terrified of him. All I remember is watching my sister get blamed and get spanked, I could hear her crying as I hid from my dad. I also remember whenever I was in trouble I was super scared I would hide and hide and I never wanted to come out. My dad realized that I was scared of him and he was horrified. So he stopped and I’m so glad he did. I think for me I need love and understanding, and now I tell my parents everything I do wrong, I accidentally did a wrong thing I tell them. I’m not scared anymore. And I’m really thankful for that and now me and my dad are best friends :)

hal saying that spanking is the best way to discipline your child is mad crazy and scary. your kid isn't gonna go around playing after you spank them, they ARE in fact going to go somewhere and cry about it. a parent is someone whose supposed to nurture, care and protect you, not inflict any sort of physical harm on them. I used to say that getting spanked as a kid didn't affect me, but I didn't realize how much it actually did until I had younger siblings, especially my baby brother. when my parents would ask me to hit them if they weren't listening, I literally couldn't work up the courage to do that. I don't have the heart to hit someone I love, especially a child, someone I love, at that. we are so much physically stronger than them. the last thing I want is for my future kids to look at me the way I looked at my parents after id get spanked. my job now as an adult is to become the parent I wish I had. not saying my parents were horrible, but I know what's affected me throughout all these years and I want to try my best to prevent that for my future children.

“There’s no privacy because they don’t pay bills” How you expect your child under 18 to pay bills???

Nguyen’s parenting is just as right, not too strict and not too free range.

I think Jenny’s world view is so warped because as a child she was “raised” while being disassociated from her mother. She’s independent now but not because she’s stronger but because she had no one to turn to or consult, so she’s so confused when the other lady is making the point about her mother always being her mother because her mother was always so detached that she never really was her mom in the end but instead felt like a grownup roommate

What Christian said about spanking and slavery really opened my eyes. My dad got the belt and he used it on us as well. He told us we got lucky compared to what he got. My dad's Jamaican, so slavery has had a direct physical impact on my life through generational trauma.

Whenever I hear "Free-range parent" I think of chickens

“Spanking is horrible” Kids with boomer parents get flashbacks

As a child who was spanked, I am straight up traumatized by spanking/beatings I got. I have nightmares, I constantly fear that people around me are mad at me, I have severe crippling anxiety and depression, I flinch at loud noises, and I am terrified of my parents so I avoid them at all costs. It is in no way the “best” form of discipline if you can even call it that.

"I will never give up growing myself" - A beautiful statement coming from a mother who is willing to adapt to change to raise her child in the best way. As someone who has witnessed over and over again how a refusal to change has ended up having both my mother and brother grow distant from one another because of giving up on change. It's nice to hear that as we grow up constantly knowing new information and that when it ever comes to raising my own children if I'm ever that lucky I'll be able to meet them halfway. To change my own viewpoints/actions/lifestyle so long as it meant they grow up to be accepted as they are, loved, respectable, open-minded and kind individuals. As a society that is in constant evolving conflict I hope that as parents or say leaders of youth we're doing our best to prepare a future where harmony and or balance can be found amongst all social types or in this case a middle ground for future generations ever after.

“You don’t pay any bills” girl everyone needs privacy a 9 year old has no other choice but to live for free.

Honestly, Ngyuen seems to have the most balanced and healthy parenting style out of the group.

That guy being so confident about spanking is terrible. Absolutely horrifying.

Nguyen was my fav. He’s balanced.

I think Nguyen was the crowd favorite. He’s the only one that seemed to have a healthy balance between everything

”My daughter trusts me”.. You don’t know that. That’s what she makes you believe, whether it’s true or not.

Let me tell you something: strict parents and/or high controlling parents create sneaky, rebellious, and resentful kids.

0:38 What she said made me tear up a bit, my brother is autistic, he's turning 6 in January. When ever he has a meltdown, my mom gets really mad at him without thinking about his feelings

The strictest parents, have the sneakiest kids.

i think theres a half way between free-range and the strict parents called being sane

My mom used to hit us when we were kids but to us there was a difference between her disciplining us when we were actually doing something wrong and traumatizing us ,when you remember specific details of the day how you were hit then that's trauma ,I was always scared to do something wrong not to do something at all, I love and respect my mom till this day she was an amazing parent to us

Please please please do a follow-up episode with this group in 5 years ❤. Would love to see how their perspectives change as their kids age.

Parents: There’s no privacy in my house. Kid in the bathroom: -_-

Honestly Nguyen's kids are gonna become amazing people imo, he's raising them exactly how I would, not too strict but not too free-range

I had super strict parents and by my teenage years I had become a nightmare sneaking around them and able to lie very easily. I went through some hardships discovering the dark side of the world by myself. I wish I had been exposed to more with the assistance of my parents. Now I have stabilized as an adult but I realize there needs to be a middle ground

from my experience as a daughter of strict parents, i am 18 now and i still fear my parents. when i’m in my room, i am able to recognize who’s footstep is coming up the stairs and which room they’re going to go to. living under such harsh rules and being restricted to join sports or clubs, really only made me curious abt it as a kid. i became sneaky and secretive. my mom asked me why i wouldn’t show her my tik toks or instagram. it’s not because i am doing bad things, but because it’s my safe place. if i cannot have it in the home i am in, i have it digitally. i talk about how i feel on there and knowing my mom, she would always have something to say about it. she yelled a lot and inflict and project her trauma and opinion too harshly on me when i was younger. parents have to realize kids will have different opinions throughout life and can still respect theirs. so yelling and never having privacy growing up only pushed me away from opening up to my parents. even til now, when she raises her voice at me, my eyes tear up. i still ask if i can go out with my friends even though i’m adult. i don’t tell them anything abt my dating life bc the second they find out i’m interested in someone, they take my freedom of going out away. i’ve been really sheltered my whole life and have had decisions made FOR me. so when i did hit 18, i honestly didn’t know what to do. i didn’t develop much of a critical thinking skill, as well as thinking for myself and what i want.

So in psychology this would be considered extremely permissive parents versus extremely authoritarian parents. Neither are the best choice for parenting

Nguyen is the perfect balance between strict and free range. That’s the kind of parent I would be.

I think Hal’s summation of spanking is telling for just why spanking isn’t effective in the long-run. Because it is just a quick fix, there’s no reasoning with the child, and they’re losing out on cultivating that ability in their formative years. Teaching them to think through fear is not sustainable, they have to think logically, and speaking to them is what helps them do that. Helping them understand the situation, the gravity, and how it affects not only them, but others. That’s parenting. Not smacking them and expecting that to change teach them any real lesson. Take the time, and be there for your kids when their behavior is telling of something deeper going on.

This is one of the best episodes of common ground All the political episodes are just bad because the opposing sides are so polar that they can't even look each other in the eye or treat them with respect I agree with points that everyone made, it just comes down to finding a balance between free range and strict parenting

I feel like every child needs some sort of structure no matter how free range chicken your parenting style is.

the title should be "Parents Passive Aggressively Judging Other Parents' Parenting Styles"

The lady that said she want to stop parenting at 18 is crazy! Kids always will want there parents.

my parents spanked me one time when i was 4 because they thought that’s what they were supposed to do and after them hearing me scream and cry - they never did it again after that

“You don’t pay the bills” Bro she’s 7💀

I honestly think that the Asian strict guy isn’t even that strict

**Free range parenting = permissible/uninvolved parenting style aka Jenny **Strict parenting = Authoritarian parenting style aka Hal **A wonderful middle ground = authoritative parenting style aka Nguyen

“It’s just a lot of fun to have kids” that’s where the problem starts. PLEASE don’t have kids bc you think it’s “fun”