French People Never Do Small Talk (Learn French) 

A former boss of mine (French) once told me that in his opinion, Americans are like peaches and French are like coconuts. With a peach, everything is soft and easy on the outside and then you hit a stone that you can’t get past. With a coconut, you have to work to get past the hard shell but then everything is sweet. (“Once you’re in, you’re family.”)

Depends how you define small talk. The example you gave of meeting an American woman who talked in detail about her life and family is not small talk. That's a person opening up immediately with complete strangers

very interesting video, I am French and live in Paris. but I was raised in the United States. I do small talk all the time and I have found that it surprises people but I usually get a nice reaction. people in France are not used to be complimented, or noticed by strangers and it often brings a smile to their face.

This is an excellent topic to bring up, and it is quite true. My late mother, who was French, and most of her relatives, were just not comfortable with "small talk" and did not approve of sharing personal information with strangers, just for the sake of being friendly. On the other hand, once someone was considered to be part of their circle of acquaintance, conversation would go on for hours, often tackling politics, philosophy and many more "serious " topics.

I totally believe this of the French. My husband and I flew Air France once and it was the quietest flight I’ve every been on. The only people who talked at all were a small group of Americans who sat behind us. They weren’t talking loudly but it sounded really loud because the the rest of the plane was completely silent except when a flight attendant whispered something to a passenger and they whispered back. The plane could have been empty. We just sat there in silence for six hours whispering only when we had too. Fortunately we brought books with us.😂

Some of the most lively conversations I've ever had have been in doctors' waiting rooms in France!

I live in a small rural village in France and I don't do small talk I just talk to the small dogs that I meet on my walks. The dog owners I meet on my walks do the same with my dog so small dog talk is A ok:)

As a curious French, I lauched your video and I must say repeating and articulate slowly is a good idea for non-fluent French speakers.

OMG I honestly have zero idea why did youtube algorithmes advertised this video to me - I neither study French nor am an established Francophone, but I`m so thankful! This was extremely entertaining and educating at the same time, thank you so much, Dear Géraldine! Merci beaucoup! I hope I still remember how to write this difficult word in French:) Je suis votre nouvelle abonnée !

I didn't know this of the French. The UK is the only place I've been in Europe and I definitely noticed the lack of small talk in SE England (London especially). We Americans love small talk and will strike up a short, pleasant conversation with strangers while in a shop or store or while standing in line. It just acknowledges your fellow humans and brightens the day a little. Now of course it can easily be carried too far (and you wish you could get alway from that person who keeps going on and on in an odd way), but for the most part I think it is one of the best qualities of our culture.

It's so funny to me when I hear French people say they don't do small talk. I teach English and I do a class on small talk. During the lesson, I always preface the lesson with "Small Talk is very American" to get on their good side then all the students agree. *HOWEVER*, after living in France for over 20 years, I can honestly say that French people *do* engage in small talk. I've experienced it *a lot* and so have my other ex-pat friends. Sure, they might not do it as much as Americans, but they definitely do !

Some people may just be shy socially but purposefully keeping silent because one does not "do small talk" is considered rude in America and makes people uncomfortable. We have to be aware of differences in what is considered acceptable manners while traveling.

Merci. Cette leçon était indispensable. C'est pas toujours facile de comprendre où bien de savoir des nuances d'une culture étrangère. Vos leçons sont superbes comme d'habitude.

Good manners or gentle consideration of “the other” is universal.

J'aime bien ce proverbe chinois : "On se trouve toujours bien de ne pas dire ce qu'on n'est pas obligé de dire"

Really love all your very useful and practical French lessons ! Thank Q!

It would be useful to define "small talk" at the beginning of the video. In London, one won't talk to strangers. When this happens (by miracle... or tipsiness) we do talk about the weather. It's easier to talk to strangers in Paris, like in a queue, to complain about everything but ourselves.

I personally love this about French culture.

What a lovely lesson. Thank you!

Very interesting. Thanks!

Great video! Merci Géraldine!

Merci, Geraldine. Vous toujours proposez à votre public des leçons pratiques, intéressantes et bien realisées.

I like everything about your presentation. A pleasure.

Merci beaucoup pour enseigner cette magnifique et superbe et important leçon du jour

Excellente mention du trait de l'esprit, merci ma chere

We have an expression in the US that is fairly new as far as I know. "Read the room." I take this to mean one should adapt to the situation one finds oneself in. In the context of this discussion, I think whether or not one makes small talk or not, (by the way, Americans say "make" small talk not "do" small talk), depends on the receptivity of the people or person you're speaking to, whether they're well known to you or you met them standing in line in the grocery store. I should mention I am an American who is also a fluent Francophone. Some of the best chit chats I've had have been been with French people I've met casually while in France. Who says French people don't like small talk?

I'm American and I'm not big on small talk either. I'd rather stand in line in silence than try to think of something to say to fill the silence or pass the time with a stranger. If you are going to start small talk with me then you need to be good at leading the interaction. If the other person is really good at leading the interaction, then yes, I enjoy it and will engage. If not then periods of awkward silence it is. I have one good friend who is really good at leading conversations. It just amazes me sometimes.

So true! I find small talk is excruciating. 😅

Our East Anglian twinning association liaises with a French town of similar size, and exchanges are annual (Covid permitting). The two communities know each well and everyone will chat happily all night, depending on their language skills obviously. The small talk issue is really about strangers, but we English are typically less open than Americans who, in my experience, can be pretty self-revealing on first acquaintance. On the London underground, it isn't really done to start chatting up a stranger, and in the Paris metro, I found things similar. But on longer French train journeys, I have had interesting chats, probably because many younger French folk like to practise their English! Living 'en famille' in France, as I often used to, I found they chatted about politics and life in general about as much as we English do.

Il vaut la peine d’apprendre et de se rendre compte des différences culturelles pour éviter des malentendus, surtout si on va voyager à l’étranger. J’espère que vous vous amusez en cette saison joyeuse Géraldine. 🎄🎅🏻

Je suis anglaise et je vis dans l'extrême sud-ouest de la France. Les gens ici sont très bavards, quelle que soit la situation. Je suis assez calme par comparisan et j'aime le silence. Les gens ici sont adorables, très amicaux et chaleureux, et j'aime vivre ici.

I'm French and hate small talk.And I've always been a loner except for my Priests. Have a very Merry Christmas.❤

What a nice background do you have. This including the style of clothing and makeup. Pleasant yellowish light. Very appealing!

This is fascinating and new to me (new subscriber by the way). I remember meeting a French girl in London years ago, and the first thing she said to me was, "You can talk to me about serious things but I don't do small talk" and I was shocked by how direct she was, I stayed well clear of her lol! But now I understand where she came from and actually she might have tried to say that if I had a problem or I was upset about something she would have been happy to help. Instead I thought she was being very abrupt and unfriendly - I have thicker skin now!

Love how your videos are directed towards Americans!! Most anglophone speakers you'll find in France are British such as those with CdS or maison secondarie. Really useful videos though especially for social situations.

Hello! You're back!

tenir la jambe -- talk my/his/one's ear off 🤣très drôle, j'aime bien la phrase

Merci beaucoup pour cet information et votre explication. Je ne le connaissais pas. "Le silence, c'est du respect." Merci. :)

This is very good to know. I love quiet. Small talk in America is usually a way of finding commonality or a way of possibly making a new friend. True, in your face personal information is very off-putting when meeting anyone. I'm curious about the culture of making friends in France.

Merci Géraldine. C'était intéressant et pourrait être utile; bien mieux que de garder le silence dans l'ascenseur. Les soi-disant "fillers" (je ne sais pas l'équivalent français). Joyeux Noël et bonne année.

The culture and practice of small talks is depending a lot on the area of France....

I must be French at heart because this is me. ❤

EXCELLENT DEAR 👏 CHARLES STAUDT FROM BRAZIL 🇧🇷

A culture after my own heart.

I don’t find Americans diving into personal things during small talk either, just surface-level inconsequential stuff.

Très intéressant. Je pensais que les français n’étaient pas très amiables, en fait, un peu distants. Merci pour l’information.

Moved to the US 58 years ago,and up to this day i’m not really comfortable with small talk.There were instances where some people got offended by my lack of engagement,so I try now,but it doesn’t come easy as for me it’s not natural.

Every nationality has a skewed view of themselves. That's why travel is so beneficial.

I've heard that Norwegians are like that too. They don't make small talk with strangers, but will with people they know.

French talk all the time, constantly.

Voici la définition de bavarder sur le site du Larousse : parler abondamment de choses sans grande portée C'est exactement ce que l'on appelle small talk ou chit-chat en anglais

"Hi Jean! Did you talk with Andy?" "O yes, I did. It was a nice small talk." "Alright, what did you talk about?" "Well, I asked how he is, he replied that he is fine, and I said that it's nice to meet him, and we said goodbye." " ..... "

😳 Why not? Still, enroll in some pronunciation course, there’s a long way to the port.

I lived a Paris ily a trente ans… at that time i understood it was impolite to ask ‘qu’est ques vous fait dans la vie?’ Is that not true any more?? Love your channel ❤

I’m an American, but one of the few who despises small talk. I avoid it at all costs. J’étais français dans une autre vie.

In France you do small talk all the time and I am so tiered of it, it leads to nothing, nothing at all!!

Alain Delon movies of the late 60's and early 70's are a prime example of the French not doing any small talk.

Je parle le français assez courrement---mais chez nous je trouve la petite nuance...merci bien.

Oh, I see that my comment is very similar to many others here. One person says: "I don’t think Geraldine understands what small talk is." 😆

It is not respect, it is courtesy, know the difference

What you say is very true generally speaking for the country, but it's totally untrue for the region " Hauts de France " , Nord Pas de Calais, people in this region love small talk and most of them practice small talk on a daily basis , and they dare to do it even with strangers, but they'll do it even more with the people they meet during the day. That's one of the reason why the so called Ch'tis give to other French people this impression of openness and warm attitude towards others and towards life in general, i'm a parisian , i have traveled inside the country in most parts of the country, i have never witnessed in any other parts of the country such an ability and natural love for small talk like in the Région Nord Pas de Calais, i love their attitude, also they do not like to complain , which is also quite a big difference with the rest of the country haha

All of a sudden I recall another RU-vid channel episode that spoke about so many young students both male and female who find it very difficult or impossible to make any friends in some European cities. Maybe more openness wouldn't necessarily unravel the fabric of culture.

I am confused. You can have small talk with long time friends or one's own mom and dad. Also, two total strangers standing together in a line can strike up a conversation that is NOT at all small talk if both want to. Small talk is harmless, banal pleasantries or sometimes might develop in a shallow observations of sports, recent weather abnormalities or price increases. Diving into a deep discussion about the causes and implications of this or that with a stranger is very unwelcome--even in America. Small talk lies between just saying "Good morning" and having a lengthier, detailed conversation.

I do I agree with this video but in comparison to Londoners, Parisiens are quite chatty and relaxed. Having moved from London to Paris, I find Londoners are more reserved / quiet / shy in the presence of strangers (unless we're drunk)

As an interior designer buying antiques in Paris over many decades I find the opposite. We are expected to greet the dealer with Bonjour, ca va? etc. In the US we get right to the work to be done no waste of time with pleasantries.

i hv visited france few times.. wanting silence and not wanting to talk to strangers are 2 different things yes in a way, mybe french don’t like small talk, but based on my visit, they DEFINITELY not silent. even Parisian can be loud when they want to mybe i shud go again n try to see it after watching this video

I have learned that o need to small talk Business and high society ...it is a must But you cannot be in silence forever I am a shy reserved ...I must learn to small gosh No ever talk about personal things! That is not small talk

Vous avez raison; les Américains ont peur de silence.

You do a good job on explaining stereotypes and the existence of exceptions. Nevertheless, I don't like this aversion to small talk. I mean like there are some days we have a lot going on and would like to be left in silence but in general i thought all human beings like to try to connect. I don't know why that would be generally unacceptable to French. I am also curious if this observations are relevant to all French speaking people, or only to those from European France? For example, what are the attitudes of French Canadians to small talk?

Well, I can't speak for all Brits, but 'Le silence, c'est du respect' sounds just fine to me. I'm certainly not one who has to have his ear glued to the phone all the time!

This goes for all Northern Europeans (I’m Swedish)

Small talk in the states can be draining. 😞

Last week I casually asked a French guy whom I've spoken with 3 or 4 times, "Hi Joseph, how are you, how is your week going?" and he frowned and said "yes... okay... are we ready to start?". It was a business call and we were waiting for others to join. Did I commit a faux pas?

I clicked the video in horror that I may have committed some faux pas in France just to find out that this is mostly aimed towards US-Americans lol I'm good

How to say "You just lost the world cup!" in French.

In the US, strangers would tell me: "Hey, nice earrings" or "Those are cool earrings!" In France, I once complimented a stranger: "Excuse me madam, sorry to bother you, but may I say that your earrings look very nice on you?"

« Tu fais quoi dans la vie ? » I’ve always been told that this is very impolite, since it seems to ask “how much money do you make?”. Maybe things have loosened up since I studied French.

I’ve got the feeling that the definition of “small talk” is wrong here…I use small talk as an introducción when socialising, sometimes it evolves in an interesting conversation sometimes does not… this is one way you make good friends…one of the best conversation I had was on a train, on a 2 hour trip with an old lady that started with the underestimated small talk… do not underestimate small talk is all about communication…

I believe there is small talk otherwise i would have never talked with people on parties where i knew nobody. What did we talk about ? uninteresting things but a lot of jokes as well. When i meet my neighbours (it took a few months) we do small talk now: weather, how prices went up, how is their dog doing, how was christmas ... But there are things we have to be careful like making compliments to one another, it's not easy.It can make the person feel really ashamed if people are around (a new haircut for example, i told a woman i loved her new haircut when no one was around. A client made a compliment to me in front of everybody (an english man) and i was very red and wanted to hide. He was a bit strange too as he was insisting and me not responding as i didn't know what to say. So awkward.

Géraldine, est- ce que vous avez bien compris ce que le " small talk" veut dire ??

Very lively and engaging as always, but I don't know why the lady refers to the American approach to small talk -- not all students of French are American and want to be lumped in with them.

Cultural norms exist. Some people need to learn that here. No worries.❤️🇫🇷

2:43: Si "le silence = le respect," je vous présente Cyrano, qui condamne son ami LeBret, toujours entouré d'"une foule" d'amis, qui, à l'avis de Cyrano, ne valent rien. Celui-ci, il préfère les ennemies--dangereux, peut-être, mais au moins honnêtes! Cyrano: À force de vous voir vous faire des amis, Et rire à ces amis dont vous avez des foules, D’une bouche empruntée au derrière des poules ! J’aime raréfier sur mes pas les saluts, Et m’écrie avec joie : un ennemi de plus ! Le Bret: Quelle aberration ! Cyrano: Eh bien ! oui, c’est mon vice. Déplaire est mon plaisir. J’aime qu’on me haïsse. Mon cher, si tu savais comme l’on marche mieux Sous la pistolétade excitante des yeux ! Comme, sur les pourpoints, font d’amusantes taches Le fiel des envieux et la bave des lâches ! - Vous, la molle amitié dont vous vous entourez, Ressemble à ces grands cols d’Italie, ajourés Et flottants, dans lesquels votre cou s’effémine : On y est plus à l’aise… et de moins haute mine, Car le front n’ayant pas de maintien ni de loi, S’abandonne à pencher dans tous les sens. Mais moi, La Haine, chaque jour, me tuyaute et m’apprête La fraise dont l’empois force à lever la tête ; Chaque ennemi de plus est un nouveau godron Qui m’ajoute une gêne, et m’ajoute un rayon : Car, pareille en tous points à la fraise espagnole, La Haine est un carcan, mais c’est une auréole ! (Trans by Brian Hooker): Watching you other people making friends Everywhere-as a dog makes friends! I mark The manner of these canine courtesies And think: "My friends are of a cleaner breed; Here comes-thank God!-another enemy!" Le Bret But this is madness! Cyrano Method, let us say. It is my pleasure to displease. I love Hatred. Imagine how it feels to face The volley of a thousand angry eyes- The bile of envy and the froth of fear Spattering little drops about me- You- Good nature all around you, soft and warm- You are like those Italians, in great cowls Comfortable and loose- Your chin sinks down Into the folds, your shoulders droop. But I- The Spanish ruff I wear around my throat Is like a ring of enemies; hard, proud, Each point another pride, another thorn- So that I hold myself erect perforce Wearing the hatred of the common herd Haughtily, the harsh collar of Old Spain, At once a fetter and-a halo!

In French upper middle and upper class, you NEVER leave a "temps mort". Silence is anathema in French "polite" society.

The more I dive into French culture the less excited I get to go 😢 it sounds like from all the people who make RU-vid about or visiting France ( mainly Paris) sound like they are arrogant and rude 😅

I’m an American who has lived in France for24 years. It’s true the French do not engage In small talk unless they are very close to you. On the opposite side, most Brits I know love small talk. Especially when it’s a chance to gossip or moan. Any where, any time. There are a few Brits who stay to themselves for the most part, but this is definitely an exception to the rule.

She seems to have some confusion about what small talk is for English speakers. In USA, small talk is not sharing personal details with a stranger, but closer to the the french" parler de tout et du rien." If you know really someone, small talk can extend to "échanger des banalitiés. Otherwise, small talk is only weather, fashion, non controversial current events, maybe a little joke (like when the elevator gets crowded), or a simply "how is everyone today" to which everyone lies and says "Fine" or "Ok" and maybe shares what they are on their way to do.

Really? French people love small talking with me. Or maybe it's because they know I'm American and assume that I want to talk to them. Anyway, French do the polite hello how are you to promote a good social atmosphere whereas Americans tend to bypass all of that to get down to business. What we do is have personal conversations with strangers without a second thought. If this is how you define small talk, then yeah Americans do this a lot. I find it nice how we strike up conversations with no expectation for it to go anywhere. It's just a pleasant social interaction in the moment.

"When talking culture, you have to generalize." lol

you could work on your pron of words such as "southern", or "adjective", "elevator." "philosophers". hairdressers. Usually stress errors. Otherwise very interesting.

French people small talk all the time, they just make it sound deep because they think so highly of themselves

Interesting. So as an American, how on earth are you meant to form a relationship with a French guy mostly over text? He rarely starts a text convo and it peters out v quick, and we can’t meet often unfortunately.

I think most British people are closer to the French on this subject. Americans can be irritating sometimes in the way they always have to do small talk. Also, when British people do engage in small talk, it tends to be about non-personal things, which is why it's common for British people to be talking to each other in a pub for a long time without ever knowing the name of the other person they're talking to.

Comment engager la conversation avec un français ? C’est simple : se plaindre ou critiquer quelque chose ou la politique 😂 How to start a conversation with a french person ? It’s very simple : Complain about something or criticize something or the politics 😂 I swear it is how 100% of the conversations start here in France. 100% true

What country is yr American friend from?

Most recruiting employees in the UK make their final decision on small talk

Toward the end of this video, I was surprised by the amount of "tutoyer". Isn't that rather informal and impolite unless you are well acquainted with the person? I know of young brides who wait months for their in-laws to give permission to use "toi". Perhaps a video on this subject would be helpful.

To my belle mere: ca roule? Sympa tes chaussures! Les enfants vont bien?

As an American, living in France, it was hard for me to get used to the idea that the French don't really talk to strangers. When my French wife and I were in the States and someone would hear her speaking english with a French accent, they would comment about their trip to France. That doesn't happen over here. Even at the boulangerie, where I buy a baguette, it is always strictly business. Another thing I learned was that the French don't say "bonjour" to strangers, so I stopped doing that. Onetime we were on the metro when a woman sat facing us. I said bonjour and she asked "Do I know you?". My wife had to explain to her that I am an American.

I am curious. Is there an exception to this rule when women go to hairdressers?