From Narcissistic Abuse to Recovery 

Re uploaded from last Wednesday. Apologies everyone I'd forgotten to adjust the sound before uploading. Hope this is a bit better

I worked with Jay for about eight months in 2021. He is amazing and really helped me understand that what happened to me was not my fault. The reactive abuse I struggled with was because of my ex husband narcissist. It has been a journey and a process and I am finally seeing the light as it were.

A good answer to “why didn’t I?” Would be fear. Fear of making a mistake, retaliation, fear of getting dead.

People look at me like I'm from Mars when I speak about this topic. Amazing talk. Thanks for sharing!

I was so pleasantly surprised to see the two of you working together! I'm subscribed to both of your channels and really appreciate your content and look forward to watching the two of you work together! What a great duo❤️

AWESOME!! I LOVE JAY REID. Thanks Darren for having him on. I love you too Darren.

Thank you so much for the section on boundaries!!! There is so very much victim blaming - literally cannot be violated without nearly everyone saying dismissively that I have poor boundaries and am codependent. I had gleaned that I had to be vigilant about safety every second, or else it was my fault.

I thought this was a really good conversation, and I think it likely will have importance to it beyond just the diagnostic criteria to people because of the way it brought out both the motivations and details of the experiences of trained mental health professionals in observing the effects these kinds of people have across many cases. Thanks for the effort in putting this together and distributing it.

This is such a good conversation and this work is so important for more to become aware of and able to see.

I would love to hear your take on this. I went no contact and set boundaries blocked them on social media. I continued to get fed information from people from her church. Knowing people I know that she did. Then after 6 months the bomb hit. She is getting married. Using text and words to make it familiar to me. I was doing it for my own self care. But she made sure she left me then continued to take stabs at me and in sense “destroy me”. Her words. Sickest thing i ever went through and am still going through. Knowing she set me up to say i was her soul mate and the one. Then 6 months later she is marrying a guy? And making it feel as she went no contact and she is moving on. She gaslit my boundaries to make sure I know she left me not the opposite. Crazy making!! Last thing. She makes my mind go to. You didn’t meet my standards. She also used God to justify it. Her words “God will find someone else” anytime i would stand firm against her abuse. Reason for watching videos. :) once again thanks for the content

Thanks Darren. Really enjoy your content. Both of you have added a lot of great understanding for me

Thank you so much for this chat & all the ground y'all covered in this video. I really appreciate the both of you sharing this.

I wonder if anyone has fully recovered.

Would love to hear you two doing an episode specifically about narcissistic mothers

thank you

♥️

I'm soooo glad you two got together! You are my two favorite speakers on narc abuse! I really appriciate the way you both take a calm, balenced, thoughtful, evidence based approach. It helps to listen to people who can maintain a grounded cadence, because after narcissistic abuse even sudden, grating, or loud pitches can be retramatizing. Thanks for being stable, kind- hearted people it makes a real difference to those of us trying to heal to know there are still decent people in the world! Cheers to you both, good show, good show! You're both real corkers!

Thank you for sharing

💞

Jay and Darren ! Yay 💕

It was such a brilliant conversation, and it was so great listening to you both. Yes, despite everything does, a child knows when is loved, with narcissistic parents is different. Thank you gratefully for this video!

Jay reed you have finally saved my outlook I never knew until now. The entire family is having a celebration of life for the grandma whom is and was old money I opted out. She didn’t even leave a non monetary item. But for the rest- here’s a house, here’s 180 acres plus the estate- and on and on why would I go to be punished. Boy my mother has turned them against me since day one. My grandma knew it and yet didn’t care. Now I’m in a narc relationship in which I thought he was just an unhappy ass nope NARC. The more I shine the harder they try to demonize me

So heartbreaking. My horrible relationship with my mom. I was approached by an agent at a young age and told my mom I wanted to do it…. Of course I didn’t do it because it was about my interests.😢 so many examples in life I recall.

Really great discussion.

Thanks. Very inspiring.

Wonderful, heartfelt, informative conversation between you both. ❤

28:00 I knew something wasn't quite right about my mother's treatment of me by 3 onwards. I think it goes in cycles... you realize that something is wrong and you are being treated unfairly but then a short while later you get a small act of kindness or normalness and then dismiss the realization you had. Your mind wants to block out the truth. Also, even very small children have an intuitive sense of how things are supposed to be... that mothers love their children. You see it in the behavour of other mothers as well as mothers in TV programs etc.

I wonder what state each of you are located in?? I want to get some counsel.

In 1968 Fauci joined the nih and was and is the highest paid federal employee, where has all that money gone ? And now he is retiring and a 60 year study on H pylori leading to schizophrenia and organized gangstalking had been released on the nih website . I was born in 68 and have watched my family be medical gangstalked to prove the crap they are pushing well h pylori is the phenomenon of craving that makes you crave sugar and have emotional problems plus being raised by two people who sold me into his behavior program is the real problem arrest Fauci for gain of function programs to kill Americans.

Oh man , twice in Sunday 🌞

When will they link 🔗 narcissist abuse with the schizophrenia mental illness 🤧 ? These meat suits live in another 🌎 world that is protected on all levels till now welcome to Armageddon revelation 11 11 Stand up and Thanks to you guys we are learning how.

Two of my favorites. Love from Albuquerque.

Narcissists are so fucking demonic. They are truly evil. Healing feels like a lifelong journey. I'm stronger than most people, but I'm so tired. Once I have financially stability, I'll be so much happier and even grateful for everything I've been through. Because of my entire family being narcissitic, I don't have anyone to worry about -- it's just me. You learn to be mentally strong because of narcissitic abuse. Everyone has their battles, and ours was with literal demons.

Love the content, also the way you say "hoyever" sure reminds me of Ryan Hollinger

I started watching and I just cried uncontrollably. I watched this video for 4 hours, because I had to stop a lot of times just to calm down. I know that this happens at some type of the healing proccess and it will go away, but the feeling that my life just started basically a few months ago is horrible. I'm 18 and everytime I look at people and they seem happy is just break my heart. Like I feel like I need to learn everything now that I was supposed to learn for 18 years and I feel like I'm behind everyone. I don't even know what people in my age talk about or how often they talk and meet with eachother and the fact that non of them invite to anywhere and always reject when I try to invite them somewhere, while I hear them talking about where they went is just too much for me. ;(

I haven’t seen Fight Club either. 😬

I subscribe to both Jay and Darren. Thx for the collaboration!! 🤓💖🙏

I hope that we all get to be more mindful of how our abusers affected us and if we choose to raise a kid in this world we won't pass the unprocessed emotions so one day there will be fewer narcissistic people

When I was a very young child I would spend time at my aunt and cousins house. They were loving and would look out for me. My family was a different story - a lot of narcissism, entitlement and hating on each other. When you both were discussing what would help survivors of narcissistic abuse to recover, I felt very comforted like at my aunt’s house. You are both clear thinking and caring.

mini project mayhem lmao i love it! what a perfect idea for someone who has been diminished by insane people.

"Agreeing with me isn't enough; you have to believe it"

This man on the right here is so creepy, I think Jay Reid is great but this other guy is not a nice person I feel.

Last year I introduced a middle aged family member to narc abuse. Dramatic, denial, avoidance, disbelief, squirming in the mind. When I showed a vid flying monkies oh my gosh. anger severe reaction. "I'm no one's flying monkey". We viewed vids together over the months, but...... They were triggers for ptsd. So I text this vid I think it's wonderfull your interaction team work. The person won't have time to view untill around the end of the month. 😳. I've been asked not to discuss the subject. "Let's talk about other things". Maybe it will be viewed maybe not. Some times things take time. Facing ones self and family is traumatic. We aren't screwed up. 🤺💐

You mentioned transactional analysis. Will you be talking more about that in a future video? Can children be tested to determine if they are being subject to abuse? (Especially emotional, psychological)

Dear Darren and Jay, looking back I identify 'n few utter narcisists. In one channel someone mentioned the fact of the way the talk. It dawned on me... yes! There were people that spoke in a way that irrotated me. Could not know why. Like Megan M.... So I could exactly pick these people out! The talk fast... Rambling, either too soft or too loud. I thought about it and realised the were selfish, nasty, gossip ing, talking on and on and say little of substance. Could you maybe tell your subscribers more! A very good way. To spot them

Your analogy about the crosswalk really struck me. The year I awakened to all of this, I was living in a major city in the US. I had escaped from a toxic marriage and was dealing with a toxic workplace. Every day, and I mean every day, I would almost get hit by a car while I was in a crosswalk. It was really scary. I believe I had shrunk myself so small energetically, that the cars just didn’t notice me. This was almost 5 years ago. I take up more space now, and this doesn’t happen to me anymore. Just being noticed and seen were dangerous for me. I’m so glad to have moved on.

Are you kidding? Ou, but there would be a second date, with recorder on. So much fun, that would be awesome!

This is so good. last year a narc channel scrolled, entered wow. That's me that's them. Life is not the same worse in some ways better in others. That thing that sticks Half safe people are not safe. 🤺💐

Many questions. Many answers Recovery Separation Distancing I am You are Me you Parent child Accusations blame fault guilt Evaluation judgment opinion object subject The world is perfect The world is imperfect Where's the balance? want need Dependent Independent Symbiosis Safe - not safe Meditate contemplate Right wrong Give take If one could change one aspect of ones life what would that be? Chain of events Every event brings one here. Where is this place? Recovering is clarity Alone singular one This channel is the right time at the wrong time The wrong time at the right time I "guess" I'm ready The energies think believe I'm ready. I am ready I am not afraid What comes, comes. Flexibility spontaneity Impromptu I hurt for what could have been and will not be. What will be now? What will now be? Fate destiny Is life a mid way at the carnival wheel of fortune, Luck of the draw ? This to shall pass. Peace be with you 🤺💐

I wish there were someone I could process all of this with, regular counselors and therapists just don’t get it.

“Kick Me!” Is an old elementary school kid joke. Tape the “kick me” sign to the kid’s back and they won’t know why they keep getting kicked by other kids who see the sign as an invitation. Narcissistic parents put that (metaphoric ) sign on their children’s back long before the child can read. It’s a life defining parenting practice. Be well, friends. Your strength is more than you know.

“Everyday and twice on Sunday.” The life of the scapegoat until awareness and freedom.

Would you say that LGBT community are using narcissist tactics such saying they will commit suicide if they don't get their way. Or go along with this or else lose your job.

You don't mention that it could be a child who is the narcesisst and puts siblings and the whole family in crisis and no one will think it could be the child who is the narcidist , instead the parents are investigated and blamed. You have to upgrade your knowllege, sory to say but if you are talkning like you do, it will be even more worse

I have been following Jay from the very beginning. His inside to the narcissistic abuse is incredibly…

May I get the name of the gentleman from California for the therapy? 36 years with a Covert Narcissist Husband

Following Darren and one of his videos Re: Covert Narcissist Husband was Right On!

Jesus said do not judge. The late child psychologist Haim Ginott said same. His book Between Parent and Child has helped me out of despair & angst, many times. May all who survive find the road to recovery.

Thank you both so much for this! As a (former… ish) scapegoat, just hearing this is healing. I wish all therapists understood narcissism as you do. Thank you 🙏

I'm watching this with uncontrollable tears running down my face, I didn't expect this as I haven't wept for a very long time, but the two of you have just given the child in me the reassurance, understanding and encouragement I always wanted, but never had. Perhaps it's time to embrace the child still within me and tell her it was never her fault and ask her forgiveness.

Yes, you don't exist as yourself, you behave for others. Every step toward a more healthy lifestyle is stopped by someone in your immediate surroundings. ✋️ When you find a way to side step their control they distract, and even purposely injure you and those who depend on you. Be true to your own truth, own your feelings. Don't let their control take your time and energy. 🧡

Judgemental.

Love u Jay 💕🌈☮️ Great discussion 💫 Ur so right, malice and cruelty and dehumanisation is very difficult to come to terms with / experience.

That was a super statement , that hit me hard, judging yourself , through eyes of wisdom now , but we didn’t understand when we were a child or when we were being abused by a mate ,and we say why didn’t I protect myself ! We didn’t know we could then , or maybe we tried ,and were crushed by the narcissist!now that we understand what we are dealing with , we grew courage to fight back and gain ourselves back , I know that’s how I feel , and I just left a 17 year sick emotionally abusive marriage, and trying to heal Thankyou so much for helping people like me, iam grateful to have this unselfish kind help from people like you!

Thanks very much. This was a brilliant discussion covering so much of my own life experience, (Pleasing parents to gain recognition to feel worthy) ( Meeting someone who worshiped me for who I am, only to find later your never good enough and are a complete failure in so many ways). My Narc came from a deeply dysfunctional family, she portrayed herself as the Cinderella and I was her prince charming. It was my job to rescue her from her abusers. Your point where you refer to 1984 "How many fingers can you see"? really hit home why ( I was the abuser and she the victim) in her false narrative, 20 years together and 22 after discard, and many many hoovers and discards since, she still maintains the false self , even though many of her transgressions are common knowledge. Her troop of flying monkeys go on validating her false self, just as I did all those years. I've been "No contact" for 2yrs , other than triangulated hoovers and then triangulated abuse for not excepting the hoovers, I'm free. I now see her as a very sick person who has lived her whole life pretending to be somebody else. When you mention " Malignant" I take that to mean they never discard the victim completely rather put you on a shelf for later when they're short of supply. I got to see the emotional 2yr old when I confronted her by exposing what lay behind her mask. It terrifies the covert abuser when they realise they've been found out. They are sick people , who do horrible things , and in the case of my Narc will never be free to be their true self. Once you except there will be no recognition of how they abused the trust and love you've given them, life gets better. Always remember "2+2 makes 4" no-matter what they say. "That's not true", "I don't remember that", "That's not how it was", "I think you imagine things", "You don't know that" . A never ending supply of gaslighting and projection. I could go on and on!. Sorry for the long rant 😊, As the saying goes "It's good to talk". Thanks again.