Gary Delaney | Ruthless One Liners 

My favorite of Gary's one liners - "I went to a friend's funeral yesterday. The poor bastard drowned. All of us mates of his got him a wreath in the shape of a life preserver ... Well, it's what he would've wanted".

People need to remember, offensive jokes are meant to do that. They are not the views of the comedian telling them. We need more people like Gary.

Everybody was complaining about Garys jokes so for him to tell them again is pretty brave well done Gary

I love the way he sometimes doesn’t finish the joke as he’s laughing too much

He has perfect voice to these "offensive" jokes. And the fackt that the mount of his material is just enormous is unbelieveble! Absolutely brilliant stuff.

We need more Gary's in the world...love it. 🤣🤣🤣👍🏻

Why would anyone go to a gig knowing that they might be offended? Keep up the good work Gary

It's nothing more than humor. I found these to be brilliant!!

Gary we saw you in Aberdeen about 5 years ago. You were absolutely brilliant you talked to us after the show and you was a gentleman 👍🏻👍🏻

The "I pulled a sickie" took a while to sink in but when it dawned on me I almost broke wind I laughed so much :-)

this is the most I`ve physically laughed at a comedian in years...thank you

Superb. Genuine comedy. Loved every minute of it.

One of my friends lost his son and on the _day_ of that tragedy, he turned up for tennis, explaining it was either that or stay at home and cry. He chose to take his mind off the misery, doing something he loved. Afterwards, some of the players (unaware of the event) were telling jokes. My friend started laughing and for those precious few minutes, he was able to get away from the nightmare of what he'd suffered, thanks to comedy. It was therapeutic and enabled him to get through a difficult period that most of us can't even contemplate. Humour isn't ever offensive, unless you _choose_ to be offended. If this friend could be cheered up by humour, 12 hours after being given the worst news possible, then we all can. Personally, I'd support a law that jailed anyone complaining about jokes. In this dysfunctional and miserable world, we need more ironic and "offensive" jokes, not less. Those who would say otherwise are enemies of happiness and don't belong in normal society. When I was at Gramnar school, in the 60s, we mercilessly lampooned each other. This is where and how, we learnt our debating and riposte skills. Nowadays, kids are so insulated from everything that they have no ability to reply to any remark. We're breeding an entire generation that is unequipped to respond to anything. All thanks to the miserable and sanctimonious "degenerate puritans" (sic) who tout themselves as the arbiters of good taste.

He was one of the funnier parts of Mock the Week when he was a regular.

Great stuff. Love these one-liners.

Fisting a ventriloquist! Haahaha made me laugh right out of the gate

Bloody brilliant!, we need more jokes like this in the world!!.

Your laugh between jokes...... priceless!😂😂😂😂😂

Free speech at its finest!

He's exactly right to do this. When I was a child my grandmother used to remind my sister and I to say "Please"and "Thank you" etc. She was very prim and proper. One day my uncle walked into the sitting room while she was knitting and tore off a thunderous fart. She looked up and prompted him "I beg your pardon" he replied "Oh, sorry. Didn't you hear it the first time?' and did it again. I got a smack for laughing.

I love comedians who laugh at their own jokes.

He’s having so much fun.

Thank god some people still have a sense of humour, brilliant

Brutal and absolutely hilarious 😂

Priceless!

The Emo joke is my favourite.

Absolutely brilliant

Brutally wonderful.

some of those jokes were savage and i loved 'em

My favourite stand up !

Absolutely love dark jokes but this took it too far - into the absolutely fucking hilarious territory 🤣

Gifted funny smart comedian

i hope there will always be comedians who are willing to do accept whatever criticism they may get in order to make the rest of us laugh. Keep it up brother.

The "dont forget poo bags" one gets me every time😂😂😂😂

I could watch this for days..

Absolute quality Mr D 😂😂😂

Phenomenal as always

Excellent as always

Waving her bucket 🤣🤣

That's the funniest thing I've seen in a while🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I want to get intouch with Gary just to thank him for making me laugh

These are fantastic

I've only heard Gary on Mock the Week. This was so refreshing as I love offensive jokes and a bit of swearing!

Him and Tim Vine are my favourite characters for one liners

Love it!!

So good. So very good.

I like it a lot...Gary is GREAT

Shouldn’t that be called ‘Behead and Shoulders’

Excellent work

Fukin brilliant made me laugh out loud a lot

The dolphin one at 6.15 ish had me thinking for a few seconds....then I spat my drink out!! 🤣

Bin Laden was on the show Ready Steady Cook,,he made a Big Apple Crumble.

100% top comic keep it up Gary 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👍👍

Pure class.

He is truly evil love it 😂👍

These are amazing

Mountbatten had dandruff .... They found his head n shoulders on the beach 😅😅

l've known about this cat for just a few days and l'm smitten with him. l'm not sure what i'm more gobsmacked by... the brilliantly tasteless jokes or his wonderful, amazed laughter between them! l came ohm an hour ago, in a shite mood, and NOW l FEEL GREAT! The beer and the cookie and the gin and the smokes account for mebbe 47.38571% of that. Dave who?

I'm a THIN, American Man, and for the last bunch of years, I've been watching ALL SORTS of stand up shows from Jimmy Carr, Sarah Millican, Mock the Week, stand up show's in the UK Apollo, and now I found YOURS!! Your jokes would TOTALLY offend an average American, but I've never been accused of being average, more.... abnormal then anything really! LOL I just wanted to say, KEEP THE JOKES COMING Mr. Delaney, YOUR AWESOME!!!

I’m supposed to be going to sleep for work but I’m creased at this 🤣🤣🤣

Sitting on a plastic raft in Stanmore Bay NZ. I lived in a beach house for around 3-4 months aged 20 in 2013. Wow I miss them days. Listening to this song brings that memory back.

Would love to see Gary Lineker's reaction to this performance.

🤣🤣🤣 Paul's laughing at the end

Some real gems in there

Gary, these are brilliant observations of like.

The only reason I'm complaining about this is because I want to hear more of them.

There's always that joke when you say "OH, oh jesus, yup that's the one that got me!"

Brilliant stuff

Absolute superb comedian and everyone needs to remember it’s really just word play

Quality!!!

Brutal :)

Just seen him tonight at a sell out show in Lancaster.....howling!🤣🤣🤣

Awesome! 🤘🎸😎

Absolute genius.

I love this guy.

Excellent

Nice to see gary.

freaking hilarious!!

Love it

Absolutely brilliant!! Doesn’t give a fuck, just how comedians should be I think

Gary is fucking brutal. Love him ❤

Bloody Brilliant 🤣

The Jimmy carr of wish laugh got me the most 😂

Superb😂😂

Brilliant

Defo mixed one liners there 😂 Didn't know if I was knob for laughing a certain one's 🤷‍♂️

Keep up the jokes lov them

Superb 🙏

Awesome!!! :)

Keep telling them 👌

I love you Gary Delaney

I wish to complain! Nearly broke my ribs laughing.

"Shoulders" lol

Funny fella....didn't know James wade did comedy aswell as darts...

Saw this guy several years ago. Very funny.

I’m glad he kept it decent this time

Absolutely fucking awesome 🤣🤣🤣👍

I think Gary is brilliant. It`s a joke, the only people who get offended are those who want to be offended. I visualize all his jokes and that is what his humour is all about. He`s a top comedian. I can`t wait to see him. Gary keep being yourself !!

Lov your jokes

Freedom of speech. Beautiful 😍