For me the worst part about falling for straight guys is wondering if he's actually straight or he's probably gay but won't admit it or is still in denial but has feelings for me too, and the further I try to 'analyze' it, my thoughts will convince me that everything he does around me, everytime he becomes awkward, or looks at me while I'm not looking, or touches my arms etc, is based on his feelings for me. It hurts afterwards when I get to think straight and realize that it's all just a lie my head's trying to tell me
I found it to be the most frustrating and emotionally painful thing I went through - I wasn't a Teen I was in my early 20's but I remember feeling so badly and rejected - but the guy, well it was at a time when it wasn't so socially acceptable to be gay - he didn't know how to treat me after that. We were hanging out together one night (in a straight club) and I confessed my feelings and, I knew he was straight, but something inside of me thought, well, maybe he's bisexual - or something like that - fortunately it's only the kind of pain you can experience when you're very young - if there's one thing I regret in my life, it was my decision to tell him that night ~ yes, it was honest on my part, but it served no purpose, it probably made him feel awkward - most of my friends at the time advised me against telling and I wish that I had heeded their advice.
Charlie T , I can relate to how you feel. I hope that your outlook will eventually change. I've been single for over 4 years thinking that I'll never date again. I hope that someone comes along and proves me wrong. I also hope that Mr Wright comes into your life.
I know right, i was with a guy for some time and eventualy i fell for him hard just a few days before he told me that he was very unconfortable cuz he thaught he was beeing unfare with me because he still loved his ex who lived in a completely diferent state and broke up with him a year before. He was really sry that he waited so long to tell me, but now i was already too deep... Karma is a bitch.... Now we just let time heal T-T
in some cultures gay men are only expected to like straight men. Gay guys, the effeminate types would often say that it gross to have sex with a gay guy even if its hot as Ricky Martin. But people are evolving. Now people are learning than in the west gay people like gay people.
You know what else sucks? The fact that it's hard for you to stay away from him despite the many times he pushes you out of his life. This year, my feelings for this guy will turn 3 years old and it makes me so frustrated that I'm still holding on to nothing. Like we're not even friends. He hates my guts. Yet here I am, still waiting for a miracle.
Andrew, I really appreciate you. You are so handsome, well-spoken, and in touch with your feelings and with gay life. I am a 61 year old that just came out a year ago. I have been gay all of my life, but just finally, after many therapy sessions, realized that I needed to be who I was, not who others thought I should be. My life has changed so much...for the better. I really enjoy your videos and the fact that you are able to speak so openly about being gay. I'm sure that the gay youth nowadays are benefitting from you and others like you that are so open about life. Thanks for your dedication. I look forward to seeing more of your videos. Happy Pride.
+Bill Freeman So much respect for you and thanks for sharing your story. I came over relatively late comparing to my peers. But I think it's never too late to start living as authentically and passionately as we can. After all, we're only on this Earth once. Best of luck!
Great idea Derric, there are so few of us older lgbtqi+ people on YT. I tried to put together an "Older gay guys on YT" playlist on my channel but can't find much content to add there.
Hello Bill, and to the rest. I am 43 and i broke my silence June 2016 for the first time ever. I was in Jr. High when i started to notice that i liked guys but kept it a secret until last year. I could not hold it in any longer. Andrew is a very good person and has awesome tips and info. about the gay life and about his life as well. I have been following him for a long time now so shout out to your Andrew for being the great person that you are and your stories,love man.
I know what you mean. I work in South Beach. Have you ever heard the saying; 'Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink'? My situation entirely.
Sometimes I wonder if there are Straight guys who TRULY (not jokingly) wish they could be Gay as much as some gay guys wish they could be straight. Theres multiple reasons someone might wish they could change their sexuality but in this particular instance I mean that I wonder if there are straight guys that like a guy friend of theirs SO MUCH that they get frustrated and hate that they cant be attracted to them. Just something this video made me think about.
Olivier Ducharme-F I'm very sure. I said SOME gay guys. Dear god do I not want to be straight, but I certainly used to want to be so I could be "normal." I just wonder if any other straight guys have thought the same way
When I was a kid, I'd always wish I could be straight just to escape the ridicule. I've never heard a straight guy wishing to be gay, probably because of the negative stigma that still surrounds us. In a perfect world, without all the judgement, I think straight guys wouldn't be opposed to having relationships with other guys. It's as Andrew said: "Sexuality is fluid"
I'll share this since it's slightly different, but very relevant. "Gay guy's falling for gay/bi guy's that are not yet comfortable with their sexuality." A few years back, I got a job working at goodwill. There was this one guy there that, initially, I was like "oh he's cute", but saw how he bullied everyone, and that was a massive turnoff for me. He was the supervisor for the dock, and I was a worker that was just kinda trained for all the departments, so we worked together sometimes, but not super consistently. I got fed up with his bullying really fast. He never did it to me, but he'd do it to a LOT of other workers, and I would get pissed off and stand up to him in their place. He started being noticeably more comfortable with me, started asking me a lot of personal questions, started trying to get me to go out to eat with him and such, and I was very "I don't like you, you're mean to people" and clear about that, but he persisted, and eventually I just kinda gave him what he wanted. I just kinda assumed it was "well it's one of those situations where he respected me because I was the only one willing to stand up to him" scenarios. But then I started noticing him getting a lot more personal. Offering to give me rides home and opening up to me about a lot of insecurities, talking to me about his mom making him feel like shit all the time and stuff, and how the catholic stuff was hurtful to him (his mother was mexican born and raised devout catholic). I would reciprocate, opening up about my own similar issues. He asked me to get xbox live so we could play games together, and we started doing that sometimes. Over a year of this happening, I started to really like him and feel close to him. I also noticed he was checking me out, a lot, in very not-subtle manners. He would constantly ask for help with things he could pretty obviously do himself that just happened to put me in compromising positions. I was like "I think I get what's going on here." Over time, he got even more playful and open about it, intentionally calling to me while he was lifting things and saying things like "you like this, right?", and jokingly refer to me as his boyfriend, which I just dismissed as him being one of those straight guys that really likes the attention. He'd do weirdly idiotic things too, like walking up to me randomly in a rather sad attempt to make smalltalk starting with "you wouldn't believe this pimple I just popped!", getting super flustered when I laughed xD He also started opening up to me about his sexual desires, describing attributes I lined up with nearly to a pin, failing to really name a gender, and asking me about mine. I essentially described his type of person, and that I'm the "opposing compliment" (he said he was submissive, I being dominant). He got super smiley and flustered and walked away very noticeably stuttery and red. Eventually, he escalated to actually feeling me up in the crotch area, making sure there was fully direct eye contact. With that I was like "okay so he is DEFINITELY interested." At this point, he had opened up so much and I saw a lot of very cutesy, flirty, spontaneously silly aspects to his personality, complete contrasts to the very "manly and tough" image he held around most people, that were really charming, and I fell pretty hard. Things got rough after this point, though. His birthday rolled around, and I asked him if he wanted me to take him out, just him and I, for dinner at a place he said he'd been wanting to try. He hastily agreed, and I awaited the day pretty eagerly. He ended up cancelling, saying his family made plans for him, and while disappointed, I was like "okay yeah that's cool", and was fairly understanding. When we saw each other at work again, he just kinda refused to acknowledge me. Saying hi to him got no response, and he was very generally silent and mean to people. I tried inquiring what was wrong, and was ignored. It stayed this way for maybe two weeks. He would still defend me against other coworkers (it was commonly known that I had a lot more privileges due to being in his favor). After two weeks or so, he started warily interacting with me again, continuing to do his fairly bold displays and touching. I figured whatever was wrong was being alleviated, and he actually asked me to go to a magic show with him. I agreed, and ended up going with him and two mutual friends. After the show, he was back to the same dismissive and ignoring thing with me. This sort of thing started happening semi-frequently, and eventually, I just asked him if he was interested. I was completely ignored, and he was very visibly much more upset from that point on. I got a text from his phone saying he wasn't interested, later finding out that another supervisor(who hated my guts) had taken his phone and messaged me in his place when she overheard him confiding in someone about his feelings for me and asking how he should handle them. After I got that text, he was straight up unstable. He had a workplace buddy walk in and ask him what was wrong and he just full on yelled at the dude that he was fine. I felt awful, like he was trying to sort through his sexuality and I had hurt him, someone that at this point I very much loved, by pushing too far. I stopped working there soon after, and then found out a few months later that he had an anger episode and quit his job, and he had just gotten news that a couple months after I had left, he knocked up a girl he hardly knew. I still haven't totally recovered from these events, I never really stop loving people, just decide that they're people I can't/shouldn't be with, and still feel grief over feeling like I screwed him up (which isn't objectively or logically the case, just a feeling). I cried a lot over this guy, because, while pretty obviously interested, he was uncertain and kept throwing me back and forth, and kept giving hope and taking it away just as quickly. It's awful, it's a struggle on their end that those of us who know what we want can suffer greatly for. My tips for dealing with this: 1. Try to be direct semi-early on, before the feelings get too deep. If they're really uncomfortable with their sexuality, you're probably going to experience a lot less backlash if you clarify whether or not they're comfortable being with someone of the same sex before either of you get in too deep. The deeper the feelings, the harder the fallout. When you get to a comfortable-friend level, try to recognize it and use it. 2. Avoid middlemen. While having people to "find out" things for you is nice, it's much more important that a potential partner is comfortable telling YOU they care for you, not telling everyone you know if hopes you'll find out. It may be indicative of being shy, but if the person is really close to you in other ways but still isn't comfortable saying they care for you, there's probably a lot of uncertainty going on in a more internal way. 3. Don't blame yourself if they freak out over you asking for clarity. It's super hard, if you see someone have that drastic of a reaction, it's going to feel like you did something absolutely horrible. But this isn't reflective of you, it's reflective of them. Please don't tell yourself that you're a bad person for asking for simple clarity and being open about feelings.
Gosh, this was reading like a pretty great fanfiction material. It's such a shame that the homophobia/insecurity seems to have gotten to him. Fucking hate homophobia, and how it can destroy lives, man...😔 Hope you're doing better.😊😅
I fell for a straight guy recently, we did play footsies in a hot tub but he told me he was indifferent to it and knew it would make me happy. He’s a complete gentleman to everyone around him but we grew close and I felt like maybe it could go somewhere. He let me rest my head on his shoulder and one day he flinched and told me had enough. Him and I are still friends, I don’t care if the guy even touches you and or let’s you touch him, if the guy says he’s not, why waste your time with ambiguity? Go for the guy that lets you know he’s interest right off the bat!
Unwanted attention (sexual or romantic) can be unpleasant and even verge on harassment; I agree with your idea of putting ourselves into the straight guy's shoes and imagining what it would be like to be on the receiving end of unwanted romantic attention from someone whose preferred options are the opposite of ours, not a good place
this happened to me. he was super flirty with me and after i told him i was gay(he was the second person i told)and that i liked him but only wanted to be friends (because i knew he was straight)he was nice about it and continued being friends but then one day he just dropped me like a rock. he said we couldnt hang out anymore, never gave me a reason why, just said peace, smiled and drove away, he then blocked me on every social media site that we shared. we were best friends for 8 years and he knew about my feelings for him pretty much from day one, we hung out atleast three to four times a week. it was hard to get over and i'm still not entirely over it(its been a year now)the loss of a friend is hard.
@@GeneralZap i agree. i was getting more and more clingy, it was coming from a feeling that he was going to leave so id get more clingy. it was a viscous circle that was partly my fault and partly him for not listening to me when i would talk about my anxiety
I have the similar experience before, it hurt a lot. It took me years to get over it. The good advice is the same one: NEVER FALL FOR STRAIGHT GUYS, step away when you realize that you're falling for your friends they happen to be straight.
I've had more crushes on guys who were straight than on guys who were gay or bi. But, one stands out. To start with, keep in mind that middle school is not fun for anyone, especially as a closeted gay guy. A lot of people at my school suspected I was gay, but the only guys who acted flirtatious were just trying to confirm it so they'd have more reason to kick the crap out of me. I didn't have many guy friends throughout the duration, and the ones I did have, I severed all contact with when I realized they were complacent in or actively contributed to the bullying I was subjected to. I met my best friend in freshman year of high school. We had first period algebra and fourth period PE (right before lunch) together. This tall, good-looking, dark-haired, blue-eyed boy made me laugh out loud in our math class on the second day, and I took the chance to approach him while we were getting locker assignments in PE, just so I wouldn't be alone at lunch. To my surprise, he was okay hanging out with a near-total stranger, if only to have someone to talk to during class. We got into our groove pretty quick - he made me laugh, I'd help him with math work and keep him from getting too rowdy during sports. About a week in I discovered he wasn't just pretty, but also had a six pack. He also was the first guy I'd met who told me he thought I was cool. He was sweet and nerdy, he shared my interest in video games, he thought *I* was funny, and he introduced me to all of his friends. But he was so, so very painfully straight. During a party at the end of freshman year, he told me if he knew a gay person was in the room, he'd cold-clock them -- that killed my plans to come out to him for a while. Of course, he was my only guy friend, and one of the only real friends I had; I wasn't going to drop him entirely over one lousy comment... or his anger issues. At the time I just went around telling people I was asexual, so they wouldn't question why I was turning girls down. In hindsight, I was also being annoyingly clingy at this point. He moved away for school during junior year, but we kept in contact over Facebook and Skype. We played WoW together, and I set up private servers for Minecraft and Terraria. We wrote fantasy fiction together, partly as a thought experiment. We had a lot of late night talks, some where I gave him advice on girl troubles (most of whom I never really liked to start with for reasons *beyond* just jealousy, but I gave honest advice about anyway), some where we each vented about our families or schools, some where we took turns leaning on each other to deal with loneliness or depression or anxiety. Whenever he came to town to visit, he started inviting me over to hang out and play on his Xbox. Even for sleepovers a few times; he didn't mind sharing his mattress, and I didn't mind his snoring since I was too distracted by him sleeping in just his shorts. No, I never made a move on him. I was still too freaked out by that comment he'd made two years earlier, worried that he would've tried to kill me if I did. The closest I'd gotten was writing out love letters to him in Facebook PMs after he'd gone to bed, in the days when it DIDN'T save offline messages. By this point, to him, I stopped being just an annoyingly persistent acquaintance from class, and actually graduated to being *his* best friend (that he wasn't dating, anyway). To me, I'd pretty much fallen head over heels for him, checking my phone every few minutes in class just to be sure I hadn't missed a prompt response to him, and getting anxiety when he didn't respond for a long time. He coaxed me into coming out to him that summer, asking me if I was really asexual and telling me it was okay if I was into him. He was the first person I'd come out to in real life, so naturally my head started spinning and I told him I thought I was in love with him. His response was basically "I hope not," and reminding me he was straight. And to be fair, it probably wasn't love! I was lonely, socially stunted, emotionally vulnerable, and he was the first guy I was attracted to who was nice to me. He was just trying to be a good friend, and I was romanticizing it, hard. He moved back into our town for senior year, although he wasn't able to go to our high school anymore. Over the course of the next 7 months after I'd come out, I'd graduated from having one friend who knew I was gay, to acting like he was my boyfriend - doing romantic things for him like buying him fancy gifts and meals, inviting myself over to his place to sleep over, claiming I "deserved" to know what was going on when he was upset, basically demanding to know where he was at all times, etc. It pretty much devolved into me being incredibly creepy. I completely blitzed past respecting his boundaries, and dragged him into a borderline-abusive, stalker relationship where there was no way for us to make each other happy. One day in late February, he finally snapped and blew up at me, telling me he never wanted to see me again and that I could expect a box of my things at my front door that weekend. He blocked me on all our social media, ignored my texts, told our mutual friends to turn me loose, and went out of his way to avoid me for the rest of the semester. Whenever we did run into each other, unkind words were exchanged, including some neither of us could ever take back. It seems dramatic to say "he broke my heart," but let's just say he did that in some of the worst possible ways -- but it was important that he did, since it was the only way out of that loop. We didn't talk again for a year. While I consciously knew all along that he wasn't interested in me, it took that year apart for it to finally sink in that he was never going to feel anything like that for me, so why waste my energy pining after him. We eventually patched things up, but even years later it's still not the same as before. For a long time there was a fear in the back of my mind that I was one straw away from breaking the camel's back again. For a while my crush ruined a good friendship. So my advice is... respect boundaries. Learn when to give up and let go. Give yourself some time and distance to evaluate things. And frankly, pining after someone is not attractive.
Omg , is this me writing... holy the similarities . More or less the same story and because I tend to have many str8 friends and also tend to like some of them, your advise is the best I could also give . First of all be a friend to the other person and remember you are not a couple .
Easier said than done especially at that age when your hormones is raging through you. I am embarrassed and regret some of the things I did when I was younger and at that age your priority is to find that "special " someone and hell with everything else. Kind of nature and biology's cruel little joke on us.
Not a while ago, I fell really hard with a straight guy. The hardest I ever felt. We were friends in college, spent almost everyday together. We shared everything, and really never trusted anyone like I trusted him. At first I didnt have feelings for him, although he gave me a gay vibe, but said he was straight. Only when all my classmates started calling us a couple. Was when I got maybe a perception he could be gay. Well, I told him I liked him, but he didnt like me back, he was great dealing with it, we were still friends, we talked everyday, and talked until 6 am, and skyped all the time, playing cs. Then I went a bit mad, started getting jealous and he got a little abusive talking me down everyday, and saying he wanted to do stuff with girls, even though he knew that hurt me. So, I stopped talking to him. He got really mad, and blocked me(and punched me). But I also handled it poorly, told him I didnt believe he was straight. Now its been a few months. And he has already replaced me. I still love him to death. And I would please like your advice in how to forget him, and move on, and learn. Await your answers, and thank you. in some way I just wanted to know that what I felt for him, I can feel one day for someone that can love me back you know?
Each case will be different of course, but you can ignore the fact that he wants a female once in a while and enjoy the time he spends with you or to avoid further anguish......break it off with him for good. You must decide if you will share him with a female. Perhaps he will begin to see that he enjoys spending more time with you! Good luck Pezinho..........Walt
I meeeaaaaan, I'm probably the last person to be giving you this advice, but I've been told that, OBJECTIVELY (from people who don't really know me), I have the insight of Gandalf and Oprah combined. I see two options here. None of them easy, but MAY eventually lead to emotional emancipation. The first is to talk it out with him. As much as you feel like he's replaced you, there should still be SOME sort of a connection there. I mean, c'mon, you guys had good times together. So talk to him. Be honest. CANDID, even. Say you have some things on your mind and you need to talk it out. Why not? He'll either say yes or no, and if it's the latter, then do you really wanna expend emotional, mental, and physical energy on someone who won't do the same for you? A wise actor once said (mostly because he had to as it was on the script) to a distraught young woman played by Anna Kendrick that "You should never give someone a full minute of your time unless they're willing to give you a full minute of theirs." The other is more of an internal inspection of your emotional upset. You can ask yourself questions like: 1) Do you wanna be trapped in a narrative that you've created of you and him? Cycling from Wet with Tears to Dry with Regret? (We've all been there, where we create this paracosm where you and him is a possibility. This world is so addictive, we often spiral there for quite a while and more often than not hurt ourselves over and over again.) 2) How much of the world are you missing just thinking about him? There may be someone out there who has the capacity to love you back, but are ya gonna find him thinkin' about the Other Guy? ....Yeah, that's pretty much all I got....
waltman333 Thank you Walt. I don't want to share him, I already tried that, and it broke my heart everyday. What really had me confused, was him saying that he never loved a girl(in secret), nor had a girlfriend. I want to stop completely talking, thinking of him, but a part of me, doesnt, and keeps falling into a cicle, but I will try. I apreciate your answer a lot!
Micky R. Thank you. I loved the support! I already missed a lot of chances with other guys, and thats my fault. Because I compare them to him. Everyone around me tells me am going insane, and on the other hand just feel in love. Also, I already did your 1, but he said he was angry with me, and told me a lot of nasty things, like who he planned to f... and he blamed me for everything. Said he didnt want to be my friend, he had others now(gym buddies). I asked him why he was angry, if I was the one that got hurt. He said he didnt knew why. But at least I tried. Thank you, a lot. Its been pretty hard, and you helped not feeling that much alone
Ok Pezinho, the guys I dated were extremely masculine and had alluring personalities but yeh I was jealous when the dated a girl but they came home after they got what they were after with girls......they were very affectionate with me when they returned. I think that they had to go with a girl just to prove to themselves that they were still a man even though they enjoyed sex with me probably more than with girls. Eventaully they got involved with drugs and I no longer wanted them around because of that. One of them who really loved me the most returned 15 years later begging me to take him back but I told him it was too late for that. Good luck on whatever you decide, you seem like a very nice and honest guy! Walt I Miami
This just happened to me last month. It sucks. I been friends with this straight guy for 4 years, part of the 4 years, 2 years we were classmates. I finally confessed that I had feelings for him, and waiting for him to take me out on a real date and be my bf. He just responds, “ I thought we are friends “ “ you know I’m not gay though” and that’s it. He kept it quiet and ignored me. I told him, have a girl but you can have me too. I don’t mind living a double life because he is straight. Looks like our friendship is over because he feels awkward or something. I didn’t expect him to be my full time exclusively bf but more of my part time companion. I guess you should never fall or tell your straight friends your in love with them because your hurting yourself but at the same time, I felt I needed to release my emotions because life is a risk and if we don’t take risk, we never know right ?
I had a very similar experience. I fell for a straight guy and told him I liked him. He said he was straight and I backed off. But I couldn’t get him out of my head and now I can’t stop thinking or obsessing over him this helped a lot. Keep doing what your doing ❤
High school was hard. I didn't know any gay guys and there was an over abundance of emotions so I fell for a straight guy and would eventually get rejected and never be spoken to again. It was rough but it was good lesson because it taught me to be emotionally tough and never fall for straight guys again.
I have special feelings for a straight guy I work with right now. He’s such a great and nice guy, we’re great friends, but knowing he’ll never like me the way I like him is brutally depressing.
I had to watch this video to get an insight on what I was feeling. This year I had a huge crush on my friend and eventually I told my friend about him and he told me that I was going to get hurt. Eventually, I knew he had a crush on this girl but I kinda moved that part out of my head. Recently, he got her number and I broke down. Like when he initially told me about it I had to put on the strongest brave face and I started heavy breathing when he turned around. I got home and cried. I don’t usually cry but that was the first time I actually felt heartbroken about someone I care for. I instantly thought why can’t that be me? I think about it everyday and I wonder why I have a crush on him? But everyday I’m trying to get over it so I’m guessing its an one step one day at the time process. But thank you for making this video it feels like I’m not alone on this.
I fall for straight guys ALL THE TIME Usually what I do is find flaws (even the tiniest things) and focus on those. It takes time but it's very helpful.
Sooo I wanted to share my story as I've recently dealt with something similar but different in another kind of way. Maybe it will help someone who's struggling with the same thing: So I always knew I was also attracted to men (I'm bisexual) but had never had any romantic interest in a guy. That's also why I never came out as bisexual to anyone. There was no reason for me to go through all that stress. Fast forward to my second year of university. I had this loose friend with whom I shared basically all my best friends. We were not really close but I thought he was an extremely interesting and cool person. Physically I thought he was okay looking but not super attractive. So until that point I really valued him but no attraction at all. That's when we started hang out more through our mutual friends. And that was when I started to fall for him HARD: I never experienced anything like that with a guy so I couldn't really handle it. Especially as I had no one to talk to. I got kind of depressed until I finally came out to my best friend. That bastard made me come out! :It involved a shit ton of alcohol and crying :D So far pretty standard. I knew he was straight. He had been in a relationship with this girl for years and always talked about the girls he thought were hot. The next few months were an up and down between us. I wasnt ready to tell him yet but treated him different every week. One week I talked to him every day the next I ignored him because I felt that my feelings became stronger again. One thing that definitely made things more complicated was that he is a super affectionate guy. He loves to cuddle with his friends, doesn't mather who. So he was always very affectionate with me as well, stroking my arms and legs, taking my hand and even grabbing my butt. I knew that he was doing it in a friendly way and he did it to all our straight friends too, so I knew that I SHOULDN'T think anything about it. But it's HARD when you have feelings for someone. Especially when you are drunk. But still it got better and better and at one point I felt comfortable with telling him. So I told him one night after we had had deep talk about life and his by now ex-girlfriend. I told him I was bi and that i had had feelings for him earlier that year but not anymore (which I thought was true). He reacted extremly well, said he didn't care what genders I like but supported me and that he didn't want anything to change between us. Sounds like a happy end but after that it became weird. My feelings came back because I had thought so much about him that past week and even though he tried he didn't really know how to interact with me anymore. There were times when we didn't talk at all and times when it was all back to normal. But everytime it went bad again I was miserable! Not because I didn't know I couldn't have him but because I loved him anyways. He also never stopped being affectionate towards me which I thought was weird now that he new I once have had feelings for him. At one point I thought I was over him but then we met alone again, talked for hours about his and mine deepest insecurities and that weekend we were both really drunk and cuddled at this party. I was falling for him all over again even though I knew he was straight. The next weekend we got drunk again and I told him I thought he was bisexual as well. And the worst part: I couldn't even remember it. I completely blacked out. He told me the next day I said that and I was miserable for two weeks. Especially because he was still super nice about it and wanted to stay friends. I couldn't look him in the eyes and felt miserable for two weeks because as Andrew said in the video I always took pride in myself for not labeling people myself but rather acceptin the labels they gave themselves. I had completely gone against that. So that's where I was two months ago. Fortunately I'm out of town for the summer so i can let things cool off before I come back. But now to the point why I'm writing this: It's OKAY if you CAN'T be friends with someone even though you both want to be friends. I tried it many times wth him because I really valued him as a friend but I couldn't get rid of my romantic feelings even though i was aware he was straight. So now I have to accept for my own mental health that I have to have some emotional distance between us. I will just be casual with him and try to not get drunk when he's there. Maybe at some point in the future it will be okay again but right now that friendship is toxic even though he's not a toxic person. It's just my feelings that are toxic. For the first time in month I feel okay about seeing him again. Not scared I might fall for him again. I just need space right now. I just needed to understand that that particular friendship couldn't be saved even though we both wanted it. ALWAYS prioritize your mental health. Okay I'm done ranting now. I'm sorry for everyone that has come so far. Wish me good luck for when I'm seeing him again in two weeks. I might give you an update here lol
Wow. Where was this video last summer? So happy I watched this, and I totally agree. I completely fell for a guy I met who eventually went on a crazy adventure with me island hopping last summer. I felt like we kept getting put in these crazy situations like getting rained in so we'd be stuck in our hotel or camping on an island with no one else around. We were so connected I didn't even think twice that I was much older than him. I thought he was absolute perfection and wouldn't accept he was "straight". (Funny because he totally accepted me as who I am) Eventually I confessed, and yep...he was straight. Long story short, we had a long talk about it. We told each other our sides (and held nothing back) and he said the most profound thing to me... "Maybe I came along to help you figure what it is you really want. Maybe the next guy will be even better" Took me a little while to "get it", but he was totally right. I now know what I deserve and want. (It's a gay version of him:-) We're still friends today. No sexual attraction whatsoever. In fact we're best friends. ...Thanks for making this video!
recently ive only found myself falling for straight guys! i know deep down that it would never work but i cant help myself. ive done things with straight friends and a few times it has ruined the relationship. Its not worth it :/ my advice it to tell them everything upfront so that you can get the closure you need and talk to close friends that you know you can trust. Thanks for the video! it means alot to me personally at least
@@renealexander2703 in my eyes sex and relationship are very different things. Sex is pleasure and a gay relationship is 2 people of the same sex in love which to me are very different things.
@@tas54321 , gay and bi men have sex with men. Straight men have NO romantic/sexual interest in other men. Gay and bi men have romantic or sexual interest in other men.
As a young adult, before I came out, I had two straight crushes who were kind of my best friends. The first one I was only 21, in college and still in the closet, he asked if I was gay, I denied. My other friend, I came out to him and told him about my crush. I was 28. He told me he as straight and was not interested. Well, this was many years ago. I'm 55 now. My college friend is still my friend, no crush for him anymore. Now as I write (2019), during the week, he stays in my apartment in São Paulo as he is working in a project in town. He lives with his wife about 60 miles from São Paulo. My other former crush is my business partner today. He is on vacations in China as I write this comment, I'm chatting with him in Whatsapp and he is sending me pictures of him and his children. Both of them are close friends and we are close as brothers. With my friend/business partner we have enough intimacy to discuss my boyfriends and gay sex. Somehow today I look at both of them today and don't feel any of those feelings that made me want to call a suicide prevention lifeline when I fell head over hills for them. And boy, I live in a very homophobic and macho country: Brazil. Never in my life I felt such a balance between me and my gay identity as now.
Great video. I could relate to the "cry and move on" comment. In retrospect, it all seems so silly, but when you are in the thick of it, it's everything! Sigh.
I definitely made the mistake. He's been my best friend for nearly 5 years and we met while he was dating a former friend of mine. They broke up and I was friends with both of them but he and I developed a huge bond through that time. Later on he met someone new and our friendship remained solid if not stronger. I did eventually tell him of my feelings for him. I hadn't expected him to reciprocate but I just wanted it out there. He said that it made our friendship unique lol. I will always love him as a friend, brother and confidant as he I.
*ok so this ties in with my coming out story.* *so, in 6th grade, there was this really cute guy in a bunch of my classes, even gym. his locker was right across from mine, and the first day when we were changing into our gym clothes, i subconsciously kept looking over at him and when i realized I was doing it, i had my “oh shit im gay” moment. it was great. anyways, i teased him about an inside joke we had but other than that, we didn’t really talk at all. eventually, i learned that he had a crush on one of my best friends, and she had one on him. he asked her out, and they’re still dating to this day. real stab in the heart. but im mostly over him, it’s been a few years.*
Hurts to hear that. What's worst is not the fact that your crush likes a girl, but the fact that likes a friend of yours... A total stab in the heart and... what hurts most is being the one in the middle helping your crush and your friend to be together... Well, that's actually what happened to me, my best friend and my crush are together and they got to know each other because of me lol 😂😂😂 (crying on the inside)
There are some really kind and caring straight guys out there and that universal love is sometimes mistaken for romantic interest/love. I've been there. Thank God the straight guys I fell for were all understanding and cool about it. If the guy knows your gay, don't be afraid to tell him. Then when you lets you know the truth, it helps you move on. Having clarity and peace of mind always helps.
Sophomore in college, totally closeted and hopelessly in love with my straight roommate. What made it worse was he came from a very close family where physical affection was very natural so every time he put is arm over my shoulder I swooned. Plus he often hung out shirtless (totally ripped) Luckily I knew he was super straight and never made any attempt to go beyond roommates. Years later after I was out he told me lots of things made sense now. I guess he sensed that I was super attracted to him.
Danny Zuko I read somewhere, that u don't have to know that he's Gay,become friend with him. The trick is to let him know ,discreetly, that ur gaay, and admit that u might have feelings for him & you didn't want it to be weird, then pull away 9/10 if he's interested he'll get in contact with you no less than 2 months
Yes, this question is real. I don't get it. I feel like there are loads of straight guys at the gym who will stare at other guys. I mean they can say they're just "mirin'," but if they're watching another man lift...at some point, it's just gay. This is the best example I've experienced.
Michael Shields - You're right man, it must be. In my head, I'd rather believe that they're interested or something. But in reality, they just want the attention while they're working out as you said. ughhh..people suck.
This has happened to me so many times. And I'm glad in most cases the reaction was positive. Between, I live in Laramie WY (I visit denver frequently), where matthew shepard was killed 19 years ago. My experience kinda prove that things have been improved a lot since then.
I’ve had the exact same situation like exactly, ahaha, it’s really hard, but I love being friends with him and it’s AMZING, it creates such an amazing friendship.
If your off-screen personality is anything like your on-screen, people may first notice the physique and smile, but within a few minutes they will be even more impressed by your personality. You are clearly a caring person. Sometimes people who workout a lot look down on those who do not. You don’t seem like that kind of person. The workout is for you, not for comparison to others. Being gay is a young man’s “game” because it is primarily sex-centered; nearly 100 percent based on the physical. There’s nothing necessarily wrong with that, so long as it is kept in perspective. I remember the first time I was called a “troll.” I was 28 years old. On that very night, I also received the best and most surprising compliment of my life, so I guess it’s a matter of the attitude of other people. Please let me give some unsolicited advice. First, remember you are inherently neither better nor worse than others. Keeping this in mind will serve you well, as you will see no point in criticizing or saying hurtful things to others. (It looks like you already have this principle down-pat.) Second, remember that looks fade much faster than you think. This is why the outside should be given less value than the inside. I know that sounds rather cliché, but keeping this in mind will help as the years pass. After all, in 75 years we will all look the same. Finally, and I swear this is true and you will someday notice it in your own life, the older you get, the faster time goes. If you have heard the Five for Fighting song “100 Years,” you know what I mean (ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-tR-qQcNT_fY.html). Okay, forgive me for the “lecture,” especially since none is needed. Be encouraged. The choices you make as a young man will unquestionably determine the kind of life you have as an older man. (In gay years, anything over 35 is old.) You are clearly on the right path. Please stay there.
Andrew, I have experienced the same as you with friends that I became friends with first and after several months figuring out that they are straight. Since around my high school years until this very day, it has happened 6 times and they have all been straight, I go a little too far and find out the facts. I still have not found a gay friend and continue searching. I also moved from small hometown in the Midwest and moved to Colorado which I dearly love. Thanks for doing a video on this subject, I feel I’m not alone with falling for strength friends and learning more each and every day as I explore life. I have maintained my friendships with all but one of these friends I fell for over my life and continue this crazy search for a soul mate.
I'm convinced there's nothing wrong with gay guys falling in love with the "wrong" guys known as straight. We can not be placed in.a box with prescription to only fall in love with someone who's on Grindr or Hornet. That'd be ridiculous lol. Btw, moving to bigger cities sometimes changes a lot. When i moved to a big city, i met sooooo many guys who were 'straight' or heteroflexible. Talking on the topic in my last two vids.
Andrew, your advice is really good. One thing that helped me get over str8 crushes is powerful emotions. I discovered that if I got hurt (sad) or angry with the str8 crush, I got over the crush right away. I love listening to your experiences. Keep 'em coming.
I have a similar high school situation, where I fell for my best friend. He is super hot, caring, kind and has a massive...heart lol. In highschool I was so closeted and was confused by the way my friend acted towards me. From the body language, the reciprocated eye contact, he would even jokingly hold my hand in the hallways. Everyone already thought we were a couple! When I came out, I was convinced that he would come out too and was devastated when he didn't. He's married now and we don't talk as often but my heart still skips a beat when we hang out...don't fall for the straights, there are too many amazing gays out there to get hung up on guys that don't feel the same way
i love this video i am a gay highschooler and the best thing you can do is try to forget about the crush or just look somewhere else that makes you feel desired because a straight guy wont give you want you are looking for i learned that the hard way 2 times
I just ordered the products and can't wait to get them. Andrew, you are a remarkable person. Your videos are passionate, personal, and very helpful. Thanks for devoting some of your time to better our community.
Definitely had a similar experience that just happened like yesterday. He had told me a few times and I knew he was straight but I think it just took a few times of being told for it to really sink in because I had never had a straight guy be so nice to me before.
Jeez we actually had really similar experiences and it was really nice of you to share it so that people still in the dark will be held back from mental sufferings. Proud of you! Thumbs-up!
I liked your honesty about your experience. I think it is great a great friendship that developed out of this. Nothing comes from falling for straight guys. I know it does not always end in a positive manner. I know it got awkward for me a few times. Two of them tried to force to go go to church with them. It did not happen. That happened when I first came out years ago.
Literally just getting out of this now! Been on a ski season in France and made friends with this cheeky funny guy, 2 weeks in he’s kissing me in a club to make this girl he liked jealous... fine by me LOL I enjoyed it. After then we’d always get together when we’re out- pretty much for 4 months until I came home 2 weeks ago. It sucks becuase I actually really liked him and whenever he’d get with girls during the season I actually got jealous, something I’ve never really experienced! Anyway I’m home now and we’re all still friends, but it’s nice to have some space from it all and see it as a learning experience. Be careful with ur feelings people !!!!!!!
I had a crush on a straight guy new kid from a different country cough cough* France I told him. He went to attack me. But lucky I was with my girlfriends (as in just girl friends) best part was they where latina so they where able to fend him off because I am not a fighter.
San Diego Pride isnt even until mid July (which you should totally come to btw 😉). Who cares what month it is. Be proud every day. Post those pride videos any time you want Andrew 😁
I think most gay guys would have gone thru same situation, while you were telling this story I was just thinking how we are all same people with same emotions as I was relating to my own crush with a straight guy I started feeling that intimacy that once I imagined with a straight guy and the feeling to heart ache and sad realisation that it just doesn't work. I felt happy and sad at the same time. thanks for being so honest about your feelings and sharing so others realise that we all go thru situations like this and its hard but we move past it as we are all very alike as humans.
I’m 13, and I have a crush on a straight guy at my school. He shows signs that he might be interested in me... but then he always finds another girlfriend. I’m wondering what I should do.
God this happend to me with a straight girl. The only thing that went differently was that after I told her she was my crush- she said It's ok and that I don't need to worry about it. Then she stopped talking to me for the rest of the year. Oops
That was a great video ! I think a lot of LGBT people can relate to this topic. I've recently told my best friend how I felt about him, and it made me feel a lot better. He still wants us to be friends and I'm working on getting over him but the best thing to do is open up about it. Once it's out there, you feel a lot better xx Love from South Africa
This happened to me this year. I told a straight friend that I liked him and that he looked great. He has a girlfriend. When I told him he told me he was flattered. We're still friends, but still a part of me has a crush on him.
Really enjoy your adventures, Andrew. Your thoughtful advice is spot on. I often read comments just to see how people respond and perhaps tell about their own experiences. I acknowledged I was gay 40 years ago, and was sexually active with other teens my age 6 years before that. I had romantic feelings for only 2 straight friends. I told both of them about my feelings. They were sexually interested in women. "Exclusively?", I asked. One answered "yes", the other said "I think so." Mister "I Think So" came on to me about a year later while a little tipsy. I offered him my bed, told him we can snuggle, and if he still felt frisky in the morning we'll see what happens. Let's just say he was still frisky and very sweet. We dated for a few months and mutually agreed we probably weren't meant to be a couple. He was a very nice person and we remained platonic friends for years afterward. A handful of straight friends were curious enough to fool around. These were guys I liked and found attractive, but did not have romantic feelings for. Those experiences were all enjoyable and fun. I dated several gay guys (frogs and princes) and even had 2 longterm relationships that eventually ended. I met my soulmate 21 years ago. We make each other laugh. We're both affectionate. And we still fool around like sex-crazed weasels. Anyhoo, thanks again for letting us have a peek into Andrew's world. :)
This can also play out in the gay community. We have all had that hot friend you are attracted to but can't do anything about because they would never date someone like you.
This is one of the best streams I have ever seen. The message is loaded with wisdom, and could/ should be shared with wondering-teens, especially those living in small communities. Note, however, that I live in Chicago, and youthful experiences are similar, even when surrounded by a supportive culture. Thank you, brother.
All of the points you made spoke to me immensely lol. Swooning over a straight guy, adjusting my schedule to cross paths with a particular guy, and straight guyfriends who are complete teases solely because I stroke their ego. You're right - it doesn't work! I appreciate the great insight Andrew, excellent advice. Only thing I would add is to not let the feelings linger. The sooner you figure out if the guy is gay, the sooner you can move on emotionally.
Andrew your videos have the three i's that make them worth watching. Inspirational, Innovative and Invaluable. When it comes to liking straight guys, it's all about being Honest. With them (your straight crush) but also with yourself. Be true with your feelings but also be true with your expectations. Also don't be so hard/upset with yourself because you had feelings for someone else, feeling emotions, that's what being Human is all about. Happy Pride to Andrew and all his subscribers.
I love how Andrew talks to us like he's our friends. We aren't just numbers on a screen. I appreciate that, and that is what will make Andrew a great youtuber. But hes a great person before he is a RU-vidr.
Hey Andrew - I've fallen more than once for a Str8 guy. My first was in HS, we became good friends. I loved the fact he was hot and he loved to show off his body, but he had no interest in guys. I never tried to 'make the moves' on him because I came to value his friendship more than my lust and was afraid to lose that friendship. Many years later, I did tell him of my crush and he was totally cool with that. He even mentioned looking back he kinda had a clue of the crush and even mentioned that if he would have been as comfortable with his sexuality back then as he was now, he might not have been adverse to a little fooling around. We talked about that but we agreed, back THEN, he likely would have rebuffed my advances and we might not have stayed friends. My second Str8 guy crush was with someone I meet on the job while I going to college. We became friends during and after work. Saying that, I should mention that in both these cases, I kinda forced my way into the lives of these guys. Helping them out, showing up when I knew where they would be, treating them to food, movies, etc. Not too much like a 'stalker' but close enough. As with my HS crush, I became good friends with this other guy and we still talk to this day. I also came out to him and told him about my crush and he was totally cool with it too. In both cases, I earned and held their friendships higher than the risk of losing it to hormonal urges that would never have panned out anyway. Advice wise, I'd have to agree, in almost every case, you're not likely every going to have something more than friendship with a Str6 guy. Oh, I'm sure we'll here tales of gay guys hooking up with Str8 guys because he got drunk or just broke up with the GF or that his bitchy GF won't put out, etc. But guys, if you're hoping for that, you have better odds of winning a lottery. It's not worth the emotional cost of pinning your hopes that you'll find the rare Str8 guy who'll decide to experiment. AND if you did, it's likely he'd have some remorse or anger about it afterwards and you might never see him again. Not Worth It. Talk, be honest, let it out of your system and look for another gay guy. Your hoping to find something that really only exists in a Gay Movie and not going to happen in real life.
Thanks for the story. My biggest life lesson that I pass on whenever I can, "Don't fall in love with someone that can't love you back." It's a total waste of time and always ends in tears.
