Get Parasite Narcissist Out of Your Colonized Mind

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The shared fantasy results in a mass psychogenic illness affecting both members of the couple as well as in the victim's prolonged grief disorder.
This is because the grooming phase involves the induction of a trans or pseudo-hypnotic dissociative state in the suggestible targets: amnesia, depersonalization, derealization (gaslighting), and fantasy (paracosm).
The abuser entrains ("brainwashes") the abused party's mind and deploys intermittent reinforcement, approach-avoidance, trauma bonding, and abuse in all its forms to effect a transfer of regulatory functions from the victim to himself.
The entrainment of the abuser's intimate partner consists of the reorganization of her mind so that it generates nonautonomous cognitions and emotions ("artefacts") intended to make sense of the shared fantasy. These linger long after it is over.
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Опубликовано:

21 май 2023

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Комментарии : 535

@linahol6067 8 месяцев назад

Summary: 1. Learn to separate your real emotions from abusers's emotions. Don't take abusers's problems as your own. Their happiness or sadness is their responsibilities. Don't blindly try to solve theirs emotion problems 2. Memory recovery: Memory is important for Identity. No memory, no self. During abuse period, the abuser deactivate your long-term memory, you can't defend yourself. You can't speak up or stand up against abuser because you don't even remember who you are before relationship. It's like immune system being penetrated by the virus. The healthy cells confuse that the virus is actually healthy and allow to get in. To recovery memories, i think Journaling about what have happened to you is helpful or you can talk to the therapist, talk out of your experiences. (Sorry for my English, I've tried my best to summarize)

@enoch6977 7 месяцев назад

Helpful recap...thank you

@ussylay3528 7 месяцев назад

Thank you it is helpful!

@BeateBVBildVoigt 25 дней назад

❤🎉❤

@kaoutar6921 5 часов назад

Hi did you watch any other videos about memory recovery I am deeply struggling with this one. If you have any advice or know videos that discuss it please share it thank you.

@happycamper3561 Год назад

I’m a 41 year old teacher raised by 2 narcissists. I’m really struggling. I have the hardest time when I’m not working. I can’t make a decision to save my life during my vacation time or weekends. I often cave and get sucked back into the abuse because I’m so lonely. I love hiking with my dog and cleaning my apartment. I worry that I will always be sad. People think of me as a positive and motivated force for good. I read my Bible and that helps me the most. I am forming a close relationship with the Lord and I believe that it the best thing I can do for my healing. I am learning that there are A LOT of narcissists claiming to be Christians. They are not following the teachings of Christ and therefore are counterfeit and probably worship themselves over any god. I love Jesus and I am growing in my faith every day. I would like to make a friend. I am great with children hence my teaching career and I always thought I would eventually become a wife and mother. I still have hope that I can form healthy attachments and have healthy relationships but it seems like it might never happen. The loneliness is the hardest part. I’m praying about it.

@CarterSams 10 месяцев назад

Sending love and blessings. May you find safety, comfort, hope, and endless possibilities. ❤ You’re not alone.

@TheIsraelProphetess 8 месяцев назад

My mother and nearly every other narc that has abused me in my life were all church going Christians!!! It destroyed my relationship with God and just now, over ten years later do I feel like I can get close to god again.

@luiscaceres4426 7 месяцев назад

When you feel lonely go out for a walk see people walking throughout the park … go have dinner at a restaurant bar people will talk to you start a conversation don’t feel lonely in a world full of people .. join a class of any sorts .. learn to dance involve yourself with things and you will see how in time you will be full of joy and with friends!

@adriaanpretorius1073 7 месяцев назад

Hey hey im also alone...how old are you camper gal?

@adriaanpretorius1073 7 месяцев назад

Im just not going to go to church so much...but thats oky...i like to stay at home i try to do very little...be as still as possible...🌅🦄❤️

@kristentiveron4756 5 месяцев назад

I can not believe I found this video. I am not a lunatic. I am not alone. Thank you so much for this.

@11mimiriri 4 месяца назад

True

@raphaulus 4 месяца назад

Awoken!! Congrats. Detach and live!

@lynnglass575 2 месяца назад

I know how you feel I am the same I thought I was going insane

@miketowler8747 2 месяца назад

U are not alone.😊

@kaoutar6921 5 часов назад

Samee

@Mvictoria222 Год назад

At 22, I’ve realized that I have put myself through some of the worst possible harm, by trying to protect myself. Never went for the obviously toxic guys in highschool, never batted an eye at the popular, arrogant athletes… what I didn’t realize is that I was simply going after the ones who were MUCH better at hiding their intentions.

@amee9442 Год назад

Same, I saved myself from all the bad guys, got abused by a female psychopath

@Mvictoria222 Год назад

@@amee9442 Heavy is the head that bares the crown. You made it out; love & solidarity 🌹

@moniquenel854 8 месяцев назад

So true. I realised for a long time that I don't love him but then why did I want to keep him in my life ? The reason is ...no one ever painted such a pretty picture of me and yet no one ever painted such a ugly picture of me. I am slowly healing and your videos help me realise I wasn't insane and that the Narcissistic disorder is much deeper and worse than I ever knew. On the one hand it's sad but on the other it is liberating to know the ugly truth. The hot hold, on off is what eventually totally rendered me paralyzed. But then one day suddenly after a too long period of silent treatment he was using to punish me for laying down a boundary he discarded me for long enough not to interact with me at all and I saw the light. It was my ticket out.

@BridgetGuerrera 5 месяцев назад

Same here and I’m 41

@roberto125919 3 месяца назад

I love you! @@robinfoster9287

@tricialoftus3588 Год назад

I’ve just escaped a narcissist of 2 and a half years. They are masers of their game. I’m in a state of shock and have been floored by the sheer evil of this man. He is already grooming others. It’s frightening they prey on vulnerable women and now thanks to online dating there is an open supply for them.

@joanamiranda9418 11 месяцев назад

Yes that is very true My ex narc was on all Dating sites under a different name

@marilynnelson4718 8 месяцев назад

I think I just met one on a dating line. Love bomb but nobody was there…. I was overwhelmed with the passion and love I felt and he said he had a special relationship with God and Angel. Intense

@apetstaleanimalcaregivers3211 Месяц назад

SAME! Two and a half years of the most horrific betrayals and treachery. I couldn't even make it up. You aren't alone. 🫂

@AsheepAtthewheel101 Год назад

Just two weeks out of a 25yr relationship with a covert narcissist and the growth is like the doors opening from jail. Thank you profoundly.

@adriennezieglar2024 8 месяцев назад

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾. Praise the Lord! 💐✝️🫂🕊️🙏🏽👑

@siahulsey4856 6 месяцев назад

Me too!

@vanessahollenbach85 5 месяцев назад

Bro/sis I am so happy for you. Please say a word in your prayers for those of us who are still trying to find the courage to leave. I'm ready but I'm praying for strength

@AsheepAtthewheel101 4 месяца назад

I didn't heal in two weeks, just that I was learning so fast and the more knowledge you gain you truely understand they are ill. That you are just caught in their twirling cyclone. They are exploiters...they enjoy causing you pain. You can be addicted to the abuse. That's trauma bonding...not love. When you can see and understand then you heal. They are energy harvesters. Turn your energy towards you. Ask for help from your God. It will come. Tell yourself you love yourself in the mirror every day!! You are meant to grow from this. It's a weird and painful gift that forces you to change. You can do this!

@michelledarnell7380 2 месяца назад

1 week after 11 years. It is painful and very difficult.

@oilselevated4808 Год назад

My abuser of 32 years died a year ago, I realize he can’t hurt me anymore but I’m still struggling

@oilselevated4808 4 месяца назад

@@theoriginal7727 thank you. I actually found an amazing therapist and am doing well🙏

@JH-td4mn Год назад

Thank you for this video. It explains so well how the Narcissist/Psychopathic abuser takes over your mind and why it's so confusing, traumatising and isolating for the victim. Who would understand who hasn't been through it, it sounds fantastical, but from personal experience I know it's true? The hardest part of the relationship for me was the aftermath. For many months I felt like I'd been injected with poison. Like i'd been turned into a toxic dumping ground for the abuser's unresolved feelings such as rage, self loathing, despair, suicidal ideations. I didn't feel like myself. I had to remember who I was and work really hard on salvaging my fragmented identity and building a new one going forward. At least I realised that it was him who was disordered and sick. I had been naive and my boundaries weak. I have learnt so much from this horrific experience.

@user-eb6ll6wd2r Год назад

you're not crazy that is exactly what they do.

@JH-td4mn Год назад

@@user-eb6ll6wd2r - do you think they feel better when they do the "toxic brain dump"?! Are they aware on any level that they're doing it? 🤔

@user-eb6ll6wd2r Год назад

@@JH-td4mn they seem to be prone to temporary relief, like addicts looking for a fix. they might not be aware that this behavior really is toxic. they normalise it, like have you ever been abused by someone who tried to claim it was normal or that they had the support of society or organisations or people that they don't? its a control tactic when they do that, it also makes them temporarily feel more important. narcissists are into STATUS SYMBOLS and people are extensions of their need for status symbols, so they want to be 'the boss' 'the king' 'the best' and they want everyone to acknowledge that (and overlook they are deeply flawed and miserable and on the bottom rung of society when they are). being on the bottom and being a narcissist isn't same thing, because most people can tolerate that, they accept that the world isn't a penthouse to play in for everyone. but a narcissist can't, they expect to have all the stuff a billionaire has and more. and its that 'and more' that gets them unstuck, they become like a drug addict. they want your love and reassurance and more - on tap. and when you're finally sucked dry they go looking for titty somewhere else. the idea there is they're uhm, possibly not aware that what they want does not matter in so far as it is hurting other people. they might be aware on some level that they do not care. and it is this do not care ' he can do what he wants' crap that is the second last layer of the software. undneath that is total spite and the fear of abandoment, which shows the false entitlement isues another way. 'he feels like you are abandoning him whn you do not meet his unrealistic and abusive expectations' and so he might be UNDEVELOPED MIND, he might be 'retarded' in development. No he isn't. He just has a toxic worldview. He's a Cartma that didn't meet the dog whisperer. If in some of that you can figure out whether he would know he's doing it cool if not be nice if Professor Sam replied it is his channel

@natalkaflower Год назад

Great comment. Sums up the experience well. As well as the lessons, including ignoring the red flags and intuition telling you something is up. One thing I like to reflect on is what was so broken in me that I allowed this person into my life and was so desperate for his attention I ignored the red flags and disregarded my boundaries. It doesn’t help that I was too trusting and couldn’t even fathom these creatures resembling humans exist .

@PollyPop. 9 месяцев назад

You are completely describing my current journey. I keep second guessing myself on multiple angles on multiple remunerations...because I don’t know quite who I am anymore. I’m staying away and healing. I will attract better people when I am healed. It’s lonely right now...But necessary. I owe it to my beautiful soul 🙏 I’m practising self love, rather than handing over that responsibility to someone less capable than me! ❤️ Stay strong beautiful souls.

@cielciel1535 Год назад

A strong self =The shared fantasy is doomed,it cannot be sustained .

@cynthiadidier977 5 месяцев назад

The narcissist, the stalker, the love bomber neighbor man who moved into my apartment group in May 2022 directly across from my apartment immediately repeatedly started hitting on me. I didn't confront him; I just turned and walked away. I repeatedly refused any conversation with him. Finally, he became so frustrated he began a smear campaign with people in this complex that don't even know me; some bought it, and others did not. When I would go get my mail, he would come out of his apartment, do his thug stance, and glare at me like he was going to beat me up. Catch me driving into the complex and run down the sidewalk to stand and glare at me as I park my car, always working to catch my eye. July 2023- spoke to management (he's just messing with you, they laughed), and I have spoken to the police (it's not against the law for someone to give you mean looks). I don't even know this man's name to file a protection order. I cannot afford to break my lease. After I talked to management his behavior let up, then started back up in October 2023 to date. Oh yeah, turns out this retired man is married to a disabled woman. I will be moving as soon as my lease is up. I am 70 years old.

@user-pt1dy2wb6h 5 месяцев назад

soooo interesting, i couldnt act while I was married to the narcicist. I thought it was me. Once husband cheated / discarded and left me, my kids and I have been getting so much done. Starting businesses, exercising, growing as people. While the narc was here is was like we were all frozen and couldnt move.He was never obviously abusive, but he always repeated everything. He was structured and always repeated everything. His language was odd and he was very predatory.

@wikkiyildiz 9 месяцев назад

As a linguist who used to work at the University, but somehow was trapped by the narcissistic personality and was removed from almost all areas of life for 13 years, I totally got what you mean. The moment i “woke up” , my first step was to separate one buy one thoughts and emotions, to sort them out and put to the trash those which don’t belong to me. I am still working on it. I got few times medical check up for my brain, because I used to forget everything, like the day before didn’t exist and all days were literally the same. I don’t know why and how, but after I got out of the cage no migraines, no forgetting and good keeping of everything in my had. I remember first when I started having these strange feelings that something was wrong, I told him many times “ you cannot take me from me”, but he did. Now i am on my way back to myself.

@_organicallyu 3 месяца назад

I finally was able to break the trance of an insidious spiritual narcissist. Who also is a dj which blew my mind with all references to music, took courses and read NLP material, and watched hypnosis videos. Lucifer was also a musician.

@davidbarran6558 11 месяцев назад

The silent treatment and dévaluation of thier victim is a daily répétition for control. Its good to unhinge

@Florence3121 11 месяцев назад

“Healing is becoming you again” But if you were born in that system, if your abuser is your mother, then what are you supposed to become? Your own true self never got the chance to develop, it was crushed from the start. Thank you for the great video/insights, Pr. Vaknin

@6drk6mrc6 10 месяцев назад

For me it was my father and still nobody fucking notices it in the family, it is covert and mild.

@brownsugar9886 10 месяцев назад

I met a narcissist who used ketamin to disassociate. So now I get why.

@samvaknin 10 месяцев назад

@@brownsugar9886 Dissociate.

@emmaester5284 10 месяцев назад

I found a 12 step programme-(al anon-saved my life) they talk about HOW to recover-honesty openness and willingness/and they talk alot about detachment ,with love,-I did love the narcs -there’s daily meetings on zoom-and yt ‘shares’ about loosing self to the dis-ease of alcoholism(ism stands for internal spiritual malady) I think of narcissism as a spiritual sickness:malady -it may help xx (if youv ever been affected by alcoholism in anybody or even to understand and learn please come by) xx also listening to AA shares and NA shares helped me as I was addicted to these sick people-I had the problem of going back!!! It just helps-please try them xxx

@AllyCurtis-tk6ry 9 месяцев назад

❤❤❤❤😇😇😇🧐🧐🧐🫣🫣🙈🙈 Idea: The old religious figures/Greek attempt to give mental and physical diseases through black magic and the medical community. They are schizophrenia. They are narcissism. ✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️ The old religious/Greek figures have put people in genders of bodies that are not their own with an evil purpose. This is why trans people exist. And surgery is a basic human right. They are also responsible for detransitioners existing. They abuse on gender and sexuality and control in these areas to attempt to confuse and change souls from who they are. The old religious/Greek figures are all controlling our bodies and are the voices. They are getting in our bodies to rape, murder and speak thoughts that are not our own. They have long term evil intentions and a very long past to cover up. 🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷 Religion has been used against the human population and the fear of hell for a long-term purpose of keeping us controllable. This is beyond full body/mind control they can do magic style. The old religious/Greek figures are arranging the marriages/relationships of the populace without consent. The psychic rapes are from old religious/Greek figures not a human person. It’s not kundalini as well. 🫷🫷🫷 Twin flame is very dangerous. People from above are attempting to pair you up as they did previously. It’s a fate based system where everything is chosen for you on birth. That life is just planned and it actually is by the old religious/Greek figures to be honest. But truly if you think about extreme poverty and acid attacks you’d have to see life is not fated. It’s a mess. The universe couldn’t know you at 0. I would never try to take the idea of love or potential of love from someone. It's the idea it was created on birth your lover and it's very fate based. The world and you was done the day you were born. And it can be used against you the idea of a match up that is chosen in advance of you becoming you by the universe (but is the old religious figures). And that things are set in stone and you don’t choose your partner. It sets you up to not see abuse and to accept any treatment because they are the one. It’s so dangerous. You have a forever someone who will have to work to remain your forever just like you will but it’s not set in stone and no one knows who it is besides you. You just will have a lover. And it’s the religious and Greek figures trying to control people to get together. By forcing souls to be with one another without consent through manipulation and control. Trying to get in the idea that the universe knows your partner or yourself better than you. Trying to plant signs of something that is not. They do this with all sorts of topics. They are the one touching you and talking to you. Evil Cupids. Evil People. We all will win though. And people will know that control exists. Who is truly at fault. And love will be found. If you want it. And there is unlimited food/drink in heaven. I wish you all the best. 😅😮😢…😂❤🎉❤❤❤🤩🤩🤩🤩🥹💖🙏🙏🫶🫶🫶🫶🤩🤩🎉🎉🎉🎉😊😊😊😊😊

@amberfuchs398 Год назад

"The music of abuse" resonates strongly. It does have words, meter, tone, selective silence, etc. It also creates dissonance in the nervous system. Whereas, secure attachment behaviors help create harmony.

@eschretz5363 9 месяцев назад

This is what dictators do to masses of their followers and why their followers become so emotionally attached and vulnerable to them.

@angelabardoe3752 8 месяцев назад

Selective silence. Truth.

@fredifeinkost1985 8 месяцев назад

Great comment! I can confirm the effects on the nervous-system by a personal experience. In my case, my left hand remained shaking for month (!) after a single, random encounter with such an abusive person. The shaking finally stopped, but the memory in my mind remains scary.

@saradwyer2451 Месяц назад

This makes so much sense when we loose “self” we disassociate from reality to deal with it!

@christinamunoz4163 Год назад

Boy would I love to drive around town with this video blaring on a mega speaker 😂😂😂 I think everyone should be warmed of these tapeworms, they’re around every corner.

@nhopkins1979 Месяц назад

I do blast it around town because I'm hard of hearing 😅😅😅

@loekiekanters4295 Год назад

I was in a coma for 29 years. I think I brainwashed myself. Then I started remembering things again. The result was a dark night of the soul. Memory is indeed important. I had been analyzing my dreams for a long time. And finally in a dream lay the key.

@juliabarlowtaylor4030 9 месяцев назад

Hello Prof. Sam..I am a 69 yr old woman who 18 months ago discarded my narcissist after 30 years of torture..mental, spiritual , physical and emotional. I am a former Registered Nurse Midwife and hold 5 qualifications. I never write back to any of the other many podcasts but feel compelled to contact you to congratulate 🎉you on your brilliant mind. You have helped me so much and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Everything is starting to make sense..but as you know we never stop learning. I don't know what country you are in but I am in Australia. I'm so sorry to hear of your childhood..I too suffered greatly but learnt to forgive. Thank you SO much..and yes you are a genius!!❤

@11mimiriri 4 месяца назад

North Macedonia

@aqualove2054 Год назад

I feel like I was possessed

@inferno3080 Год назад

Same

@natalkaflower Год назад

I had so many demonic dreams while he was in my life, including one where I looked in the mirror at myself and my eyes were all white like I was possessed

@marialaurabaez3733 4 месяца назад

Same😥

@joycefiore2721 3 месяца назад

I told him i was under a spell... addicted..

@katiedid9601 Год назад

And yes, I am mourning the lost time that I was not fully present for my husband, my children who are now adults, and understand completely what my mother has done to me. What a horrible thing!

@invasivegmail1732 Год назад

« Wine break: tough material » Hahahaha, I love you, Sam!

@reinad9957 Год назад

Omg this is what I can’t explain to people when they say why do you go back? I feel addicted. So he controls my emotions and I’m basically a darn zombie. Now I know why he doesn’t stay away long because then he chances me finding myself and healing. I need to recover from this so bad😢

@luarnastrahan343 10 месяцев назад

I love the sense of humour 😊I escaped after 20 years with a narcissist. I’m so grateful I have my sense of humour, it has kept me sane.

@user-ip5ef8xx7r 8 месяцев назад

Professionals treating victims don't always know what they are dealing with. Many have no insight into what "narcissistic abuse" is. Some may even be unaware narcissists themselves. The foggy trauma following a narcissistic relationship is not identical with normal grief after breakup.

@suzannefoglesong3278 9 месяцев назад

Thank you for affirming that my strong sense of self, integrity, and strong values have saved me from surrendering to predatory relationships. I simply thought that I was stubborn.

@superflymidgetpi Год назад

You are a great teacher and hilarious man. I’ve been devouring your material, having been in a devastating and painful 7 year relationship. I particularly appreciate your incisive and creative language.

@sassierover 11 месяцев назад

@@ladyvirgo9514same 12 years.. now being discarded. Thankfully 😊

@user-sj4hn7jo9d 9 месяцев назад

And at the end of the day, we victims watch Professor Vaknin's videos struggling to heal ourselves via understanding what it was that happened to us, that emotionally sadistic situation that would turn into sexually sadistic, had we victims not ended it and the egocentric man is already flirting and partying as if all that had never been real. So enlightening Professor Vaknin, totally describing my mental and psychological state in details. I am 45 and still learning myself and others. Thank you.

@jahlive1243 5 месяцев назад

I highly doubt that the one I dealt with was ever smart enough to do any of this on purpose. I really think its just naturally the way a narcissist is wired. He’s the smartest dummy ever. And Sam, the material is not hard to understand when you’ve gone through 15 years of abuse. I can pinpoint every step you described in my own *relationSHIT.* Now that I’ve woken up from this “dream” I’m highly pissed off with myself. I was willfully being an idiot. I appreciate the disgust I feel for this person but it was at my own expense. Never once came close to being worth it and somehow I stayed for 15 years. 🤮😤🤬

@samvaknin 5 месяцев назад

Narcissists don't do any of this on purpose.

@emoizluv Год назад

You are by far the most detailed and advanced teacher/healer for narcissistic abuse. Thank you so much🙌

@SM-tl9ls Год назад

Agreed 💯

@sathyalakshmigirish4310 2 месяца назад

I have decided to shift my home to next ward. fed up with neighbourhood narc who stalks me. I cant bear this emotional abuse anymore. Even after police intervention narc behaves like a devil.

@lucyparsonage6907 Год назад

Well for childhood narcissistic abuse then, this is beyond serious.......

@kcbertin4777 3 месяца назад

Thank you so much for this video!!!! I’m in the messy thick of trying to separate from my abusive narcissistic husband of 9 years. I get so frustrated with myself for allowing the abuse for so long. I’m also really struggling with the fact that a mom’s BARE MINIMUM responsibility is to protect her kids… I hate myself so much for not protecting my poor sweet innocent children from what they’ve seen and suffered … he bullied them and definitely was emotionally abusive to them and they’ve also had to watch him both emotionally and physically abuse me. We’re separated right now and I have the kids but I’m so afraid I’m not going to have the fortitude and courage to do what needs to be done. I’m paralyzed by the fear that it’s true that I’m incapable of doing life without my husband’s “help” and I’m so conditioned by the infinite insults and criticisms that even though i “know” it’s not all true, i physically become almost bed bound with fear and depression and anxiety that maybe he’s right and I’m the problem. I mean how much more could I possibly be willing to tolerate??? How many more times can I listen to him call toddlers names and terrorize them!?!? I’m a smart gal, I’ve got a masters degree, I make good money, why can’t I make the decision and file for divorce?!? Why do I think I love him?!? I feel like a pathetic lazy coward, and a really terrible mom. I love these kids more than anything, I hate myself for not being better for them. If you’ve made it this far, bless you sorry, it just feels good to remind myself of reality. But man this is torture. Soul sucking misery . I just want to have the courage to file. I pray for it daily. Any advice I’m all ears. Thanks for sharing this topic. Thanks for reading

@melissat5313 Год назад

Many Thanks, Sam! O boy once you leave Disney, it's a whole new world. Recovery is no joke and yes lots of grief to still over come. 💛🎶✨️🌻

@ladytricia9808 11 месяцев назад

This makes narcissism so much more understood.

@greenfields396 9 месяцев назад

Great discussion. Its not about growing and becoming better. Its about losing everything you are not

@darktorrent_ Год назад

I think many fans of (repetitive) electronic dance music intuitively understand this. Think about what is happening: thousands of people gather, in an open area, or tent, and "sync" their brain waves to the waves coming out of the speakers

@vampoftrance Год назад

I write Trance Music. This is the idea behind the message in sound.

@joanamiranda9418 11 месяцев назад

I thought the same and my ex narcissist loves festivals and dṟügs

@runswithraptors Месяц назад

All music has that same effect

@melissat5313 Год назад

Is there a support group we can All join so we can share our experiences? I ask this because until I found Sam, I thought I was crazy. When explaining these behaviors, to people, they are very unbelievable. Covertness goes very deep and is very disturbing.

@redcrowdemon Год назад

I hope so! (Maddy here not Nigel)

@italiama79 Год назад

Let create a group. People that haven't experienced this do not understand it and think we're crazy

@gangstalkingboglims8752 Год назад

100%! Do NOT go to therapy with the narc! They are master manipulators and they WILL turn the therapist against you and then YOU will be the one with the personality disorder

@patriciaortiz2069 Год назад

Yeah nobody believes this happen to us they think I’m crazy when I tell the stories of what happen I guess it’s hard to believe unless happens to you I stop telling anybody this stories I was been look at as if I was crazy so I totally understand you

@melissat5313 Год назад

@Barbara thank you. I didn't consider the 'group' thing. Long road of healing for sure. Few and far between theapists that can even relate. Finding alternative modalities of therapy very helpful.

@sandrabellerue2836 9 месяцев назад

Loved the tapeworm analogy. Retired EEG tech (brainwave) in neuropsychiatry. Your lecture absolutely dead on, in fact music played nearly 100% in his behavior. He embraced it like a heroin addict. I experienced his entrainment from age 74-76. No contact 9 mos now. Thank you for your enlightenment and imagery.

@Isee2121 7 месяцев назад

You only get this if you have been there enmeshed in the spiderweb and driven totally insane. The way out is focus on yourself, body and breath.

@sugar1973us 2 месяца назад

My ex used to change my language. He would correct me and make me replace it with a phrase he wanted. Now I hesitate and "choke" on those phrases even after I left him, no contact. I don't know how to undo it. I used those words before I met him without no problem! It wasn't grammatically wrong. I couldn't say "Sure" or "That's fine" with him. It's like it's ingrained in my mind. I think he was a covert narcissist. Sadistic, dominant type in the bedroom. He wanted me as a submissive. So glad I'm no contact.

@larryparks1520 Год назад

Really appreciate your work. I thought i knew people. I had no idea!

@atlfun08 9 месяцев назад

This guy had such a handle on shared fantasies that he was trying to support 2 at one time. Switching back and forth like a puppeteer. After the mask fell all the way off…I felt like this guy had no ownership of anything in his life like…I just work here. 😂😂😂

@illil1844 Год назад

Explains why societies where learning is based on oral traditions repeat certain behaviors in oral narratives - usually to create the social norm. Always thought this and now I must read more

@11mimiriri 4 месяца назад

Interesting. Could you please give us an example of that kind of society? Many thanks.

@Wilde_Childe 8 месяцев назад

I am lucky my narcissist enjoyed getting fresh supply out at the bars and would leave me alone for hours or days on end while he sought validation elsewhere. I felt abandoned and it was extremely hurtful but looking back, I can see those times spent utterly alone & away from his influence allowed me to begin to come back to myself.

@narimannayef4443 10 месяцев назад

After 20 years and still with a narcissist, I’m sure that I’m damaged to the point I can’t have another relationship, and I’m sure that I can’t trust anyone, I feel like a robot most of the time.

@tanyablanton6720 8 месяцев назад

Get out! God will help you!

@redcrowdemon Год назад

Maddy Longhurst (not Nigel) here. This is horrific! My covert narc discarded me for a second time two months ago. He had been grooming me for 38 years (yes!!) and when our partners died we got together (in 2014). Then my daughter got metastatic breast cancer in 2015 and died in 2020. Looking back my narcissist was a complete nightmare through that time. He self-confessed he had zero empathy for my daughter (or us, her family) Good God!!! I’m freaking out. Thank you Sam - and Help!!!!

@JinJinDoe Год назад

Why tf would you comment from your abusers account?

@melissat5313 Год назад

@JinJinDoe you said it! First step in healing is admitting our part.

@meowkity1 10 месяцев назад

These are the same people that will molest they’re own kids. Believe they care nothing about our kids

@davidcristianisaila2300 Год назад

Thank you for your work. browsing your channel while going through this emotional hell has been eye opening.

@heidismutti 2 месяца назад

This is familiar. My emotions were 100% his. I didn’t like who I became when I was with him. So sad.

@lisyonok2023 Год назад

Surely, you don’t grieve if you shit out a tape worm 😅

@diamondedevil 8 месяцев назад

now that everybody n they mama b talkin bout narcissistic abuse, listening to prof sam is like a breath of fresh air bc u can tell he knows what hes talkin about n its been immensely healing for me the being able to understand what the fuck happened to me n why i still sometimes feel his judging evil gaze over me even when im no contact hes still inside my mind and my spirit

@andywilliams7989 Год назад

Slightly off subject but... when I am going through very confusing periods, I get songs stuck in my head. I have learned that the quicker I look up the lyrics the sooner the thing dissappears. Most often but not always, in the lyrics are the phrases that I need to say to myself but can't. How amazing the human brain is.

@thespiritchannelers555 4 месяца назад

That happens to me too x

@miniprepper8284 9 дней назад

Old video, but your comment reminded me of how I woke up this morning dreaming of being a humming refrigerator. First thing I do in the morning is drag myself to the spare fridge to get a protein shake. I believe my mind was telling me it was time to get up and get my shale.

@sophiachampsi8953 Год назад

This is so intetesting, looking back, yes, it was a shared fantasy, I tried to explain to myself what it was that I loved about him, and its as if, I was in love with a projected image , what I wanted him to be....it all makes sense now...

@mauraorrell8766 11 месяцев назад

If the narcissist wants you to behave in a certain way or accomplish particular goals, could self sabotage be a form of rebellion against the narcissist?

@professorchaos9 11 месяцев назад

The flow state and the loss of memory. On point

@sabrinat.8146 9 месяцев назад

😱 this is the best thing ever i have listened to to scare me enough to choose to never again think at that person again ❤

@lifescalling8080 Год назад

This is so interesting! I think I created fantasies about my father loving me. As time went on I began to realize that he never did. Once I understood that it was about him, and not because of me, I was able to let go of the self-hatred his distain for me created. Even as a child I recognized that music had a regulating effect on me. When I needed to express myself and it wasn’t safe to do so in words or actions, music was my outlet. I remember my father reacting angrily when he heard me singing My Life, by Billy Joel… 😂 When I am very angry or need to cry, music has a way of helping me unlock my emotions.

@godsavethecoffeecake Год назад

How did you know I needed this video? I frequently watch your videos right before bed to commit it to memory. The PTSD and intrusive thoughts are relentless. I hope I fully heal one day.

@user-eb6ll6wd2r Год назад

DV?

@adriennedouke1880 Год назад

I know what you mean. This video is just what the dr. ordered. I have struggled for years now to get this person out of my head. Just constantly thinking of him. It's driving me nuts. I just want him gone from my consciousness. Hoping to one day wake up and he is gone. Thank you Sam for the enlightenment.

@alvildasophiaalegria800 Год назад

They stop being relentless. Remember to be patient, hence kind to yourself. It took me two years, out of 65, to unravel the madness in my brain. I hope this helps you.

@user-eb6ll6wd2r Год назад

@@adriennedouke1880 how much is the ptsd and how much is entities or energy or mirror switches if someone bombarded your head you might take awahile to undo the bombardment (spiritual segue)

@rebeccaj7164 Год назад

@@adriennedouke1880 I've had the same - you are not alone. Some spin a much stronger web of confusion than others. You will get through this. As others have said be kind to yourself and keep declaring daily that you will overcome. Faith is the vehicle of recovery with narcissistic abuse. Faith is believing when you can see no way out. God is the healer of all wounds no matter how traumatic. Sometimes we go through these things not so that we can return back to who we were before the narcissist but so that we can be a new creation after and one that is even better and stronger and spiritually deeper than before.

@paulatidwell8580 Год назад

Thank you for helping all of us who are on a mission to find ourself again. It feels like a horrible whirlwind while you’re in it. And coming out of the confusion and fog is a godsend. I am still more shocked that I fell into this in the first place. Hit me hard out of nowhere. Thank you again!

@wendymorrill Год назад

Having been caught up in an unhealthy and abusive 'fantastical' friendship, I can relate to much of this. One of the unexpectedly difficult parts of emerging from an abusive relationship like this is the reclaiming of yourself - especially if you're not happy with (or love) what you have to reclaim... which is probably a factor in what led you into the situation in the first place! Figuring out why and how you got into it, tolerated it and contributed to the dynamic is tough. Thanks for these vids, I find them engaging thought-starters. And the ones that are long and perhaps less relevant to me are good to fall asleep to, LOL 😉

@11mimiriri 4 месяца назад

I fall asleep too sometimes by listening long ones. How nice!

@sunshinereggae2781 Год назад

I am trying to get him out of my house since almost 2 years…he doesn’t care about court or restraining orders 😢

@Emilia-hu4dx Год назад

Thank you, prof. Vaknin. I really need my brain back.

@pianomarieatthekeys2573 Год назад

Wow..what a brilliant analogy of what our brains can conjour up ..the word that comes to mind is " Copycat"..to project all their inadequacies, vile abuse, hot and cold tempers ..to give a false sense of reality..how good are they at destroying all our goodness, moral codes, and generosity unlimited, to be engulfed in horrendous tears, depressed to the core, feelings of unworthiness ..the list goes on..i will be listening to this a few times and will be taking notes..i am a musician..so i can relate to what sam is saying..this has been a lightbulb 💡 moment for me.. Amd after two years of living a dream, ive finally awoken! Thank you sam for this content..it has spoken to me deeply. Marie

@lulubelle1040 Год назад

This sounds like how we fall in love and stay together over time. It seems uncomfortable.

@rubberbiscuit99 Год назад

You describe my relationship with my ex-spouse, and my family of origin. I washed my hands of the lot of them and feel an enormous relief. Thank you Sam for your ongoing and pioneering work describing narcissistic abuse. Your perspective adds exponentially to my understanding. All the best to you. ☮️

@finseven6951 Год назад

I'm just 1 week into waking up, holy f**k. Will be watching the rest of these and thank goodness ive found them. Feeling so scared that i lost myself, gives me a lot of hope reading these comments, thank you all & thank you Prof Sam ❤

@11mimiriri 4 месяца назад

Same

@alfredajohnson5587 15 дней назад

I am blown away by your brilliance and I agree with you about the brainwashing of verbal and physical abuse of a narcissist. Truly you are a genius in neuroscience and psychology. I am a psychology student. Thank you.

@latifadogan9842 8 месяцев назад

Thank you for this insight , no one explains as well as this man

@shannongoulding5440 Год назад

Interesting! I used music to help heal both in and out of the relationship. I also reinforce my perspective of the abuse in my past relationship with music. I created a playlist called narcissistic detox. 😂😅 I would still take his narrative and had a hard time detaching from the shared fantasy. Whenever I listened to my narcissistic detox playlist, it would bring more power to my side, and his side held less power over me. My perspective is pretty solid now. It is A LOT of work!

@Marie23305 Год назад

Can you share some of the music you used?!

@shannongoulding5440 Год назад

@Marie23 sure!!! Better Man, Ellie Goulding Let it Die, Ellie Goulding Narcissist, Avery Anna Narcissist, Laura Spencer Smith Better Luck Next Time, Kelsea Ballerini Lose You to Love Me, Selena Gomez Praying, Kesha You Should Be Sad, Halsey How Dare You, Rachel Grae Without Me, Halsey Love Myself, Hailey Steinfeld Heart Like A Truck, Lainey Wilson Undo, Sanna Nielsen Free Me, Anees

@shannongoulding5440 Год назад

They are aware of it enough that they actively go seeking their emotional needs in ways they know will create conflict in a person's life. So I would be a person who agrees that they are aware... I would think there are various degrees in which they may not understand the full effect they have on the supply. I also have an inspirational playlist I listen to. The Narcissist Detox is used to help me strengthen my side of the story, especially when I hear his version of me play in my head.

@RAMRRR545 Год назад

And the narc I was with used music itself to cave me in!!

@mallikasomershein1108 Год назад

@brendoni I think mostly subconscious. Abusers are the former abused. They are self-centered, so caught in their own emotions that they can't see outside of their own feelings or unwilling to see the harm they cause others bc it would damage their self-concept of being right/eous) plus it's the only way they know how to get their needs met, so it's a zero sum, you VS me game, where they are the "loser" if not being the abuser.

@aliciaserrano888 10 месяцев назад

So true. I’ve had to ask my friends and family to remind me who I was and what I liked to do. It’s like I’ve been in a haze for 23 years.

@PollyPop. Год назад

We are frequency and vibration 🙏

@gmr1241 Год назад

This is an absolute eye-opener.

@sandragalloway3275 Год назад

Liked your description of becoming a clone of yourself.... speaks volumes. Thank you for this video.

@ld9862 Год назад

Entrainment. New word in my vocabulary. Very timely for me.

@TonyGPE 9 месяцев назад

40 years unknowingly with someone who has NPD. Everything you said is 100% true.

@tartanbessy436 Год назад

This is really helping many other explanations and conversations about this finally sink in. Thank you. I also find being autistic with many health conditions causing exhaustion and brain fog, no matter how much i know on the subject, im still easily jooped. Yes once given space and time thanks to delayed processing to figure it out i realise ive been played but jeez its hard work and complicated. Narcisists do love us ill, exhausted folk 🙄

@briarts 11 месяцев назад

Being autistic and having grown up with narc abuse, I feel the same. I'm well-versed on this stuff and can eventually "wake up" but it still takes me a bit of time.

@elly6136 9 месяцев назад

Dear Sam, This really is your best video ever! Thank you so much for helping me understand what happened to me... It feels like i was cursed from day one. I told him he lived in a fairytale, but it took me years (after break up) to step out of the fairytale myself. He lives 10 meters away from me. That's what made it extra hard to free myself. And since last week he has started a new fairytale, with my best friend. And she lives in the other side of my house. Looks like she's falling for it... He never stops! Your video's are so helpful ❤

@bebahojt Год назад

The spider and the fly.

@beacleary9889 Год назад

You’re my go to; you are genius to break this down in such detail, that it can’t be denied; this IS what’s happening..Thankyou for you’re amazing help…x

@ariela5722 Год назад

Amazing content as always. Thank u♥️

@AgentStoobing 11 месяцев назад

You summed it up beautifully, and it's so damn common - how do we ever get free of this?

@user-zr9yo6rs6u 9 месяцев назад

Amazing!!! Thank you so much for this explanation!

@kimdoucet467 Год назад

Very helpful lecture. Thank you Sam.

@ttct9035 Год назад

Thank you for covering this topic again.

@johnslattery1993 Год назад

I've been watching your videos for some time now. This one really hits home with me.

@danielpowell9891 Год назад

Thank you for this deeply insightful material. Excellent

@rameshsrivastavachandra 4 месяца назад

This video changed my life !

@Deiacatlover Год назад

Cheers from Brazil!! Thank you for sharing your videos!!! ❤️

@vildanb8038 Год назад

Thank you for amazing info !!!

@JGraham-hx8gm 8 месяцев назад

I'm so happy to have found this video. I knew that I was experiencing something unexplainable and more that met the eye. I was having a very hard time getting over the relationship. This explains so.much.