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Story 1: can they do Christmas Eve with hers & Christmas Day with his? Or vise versa. He needs to accommodate her family as well. If they have children in the future this will be a nightmare, figure it out now. Story 2: no, he doesn’t need to go- plan something else with other friends. If he already has plans, he has an excuse. And no, she doesn’t need to say something- she’s already got the guy, don’t let her have any power.
A couple is a unit. You can't invite the boyfriend but without his girlfriend! I get invited to everything my boyfriends family is doing because they know that we come together! So the families should have told the girl that he is not coming without his girlfriend!