Grading Sheldon on his Weapon Explanations (w/ timestamps) 

The Undercover Brella is a stealth splatting weapon because nobody will ever see you splatting anyone with it

This year, believe in yourself as much as the Splatoon devs believe in the sprinkler

Sheldon overselling the Sprinkler will never stop being funny.

The splat dualies description was literally just “this kit sucks but we gave it crab tank”

“All hail Crab Tank” couldn’t be more true of a statement by Sheldon.

Can’t believe sheldon leaked the plan for the e-liter 8k by calling 4k scope “almost” outranging every other charger

i straight up choked on my drink at "here's a pro strategy - deploy the angle shooter!"

The intro is priceless

I love how Gem can be the IRL Sheldon, as seen by how Gem teaches people Splatoon. But unlike Sheldon, Gem is someone people can listen to even with the long time for the explanations.

I think the reason most of these explanations "suck" is because they're telling you how to use them in turf war. It's kind of obvious that Anarchy is an after-thought. Covering turf is what separates splatoon from other shooters, so they're gonna focus on that, so they explain how to use it in the mode where covering turf matters the most.

sheldon is VERY good at making bad weapon kits look good and despite me being a big fan of the little dude, he sure does love lying lmao

50:37 The alternative interpretation is that hitmen/assassins exist in the Splatoon universe, and that one weapon used by them is now freely available to all. This also provides a potential in-universe explanation for why they decided to make it suck: When bringing it to the masses they were worried it would be to easy to kill people so they toned it back... Sheldon has simply forgotten about this and the fact that murder is illegal and is currently attempting to sell you an assassin weapon

It would be interesting to see how well the Japanese descriptions represent these weapons. We all know that the English version likes to take some creative liberties at the expense of accuracy (if the Twitter account is anything to go by).

good video, fantastic concept im surprised no one thought of this sooner lol fyi gem, "stick and move" is a boxing term for being able to fight but also then being able to stay mobile and make yourself hard to hit (stick being like 'stick it to em') and i argue vds does that pretty well lol

On the dualie squelchers: I actually really like calling its playstyle "stick and move". That phrase refers to motion in things like boxing where you are trying to simultaneously land hits while remaining evasive and dodging any counterattacks. It's not dead on, but that somewhat fits the weapon's vibe of using dodge rolls to both kite the enemy and be in your more lethal firing mode imo.

The thing you notice with this is that he does really well on the best weapons and I think that just shows that nintendo designs this game as if every weapon is top tier, which I think works decently because not competitively, but casually, every weapon _is_ very good in the right hands

Man, listening to Sheldon makes me wonder: what if the suction bomb stuck to players

I think with "Jr" and "Pro", Sheldon's more talking about the skill floor than the ceiling. Like, a Jr in Turf War can just happily spew ink everywhere without having to worry about silly things like "ink management" or "aim". And I think the sub and special are easier to get value out of, especially compared to the vPro's kit. Not really a factor in comp play of course, but I can see why they start Level 1 players with the Jr.

do I have places to be in 2 hours? yes. am I going to spend half of that time watching a video on sheldon? also yes

i never noticed the "almost" in the e-liter scope dialogue and as a splatling i now fear for my life even more than before somehow ❤️

I like how the good weapons also have good descriptions, and the bad ones don't. It's like they know why the good weapons are good, but they don't know why the bad weapons are bad.

it doesn't only happen when you've unlocked all the weapons, it actually happens regardless if you tell him to hurry it up. he'll just keep going, and keep going.

I’ve noticed that when Sheldon blinks, he doesn’t use his eyelids. (Unless he’s doing his narrow eyed animation thing.) When he blinks, he blinks with his _pupils,_ and now you also see that. You’re welcome

Fun fact about elevators: for a lot of elevators, maybe even most elevators though I'm not sure if I can say all, the close door button actually doesn't do anything to the door! It exists to make an impatient person feel like they have control in the situation but the door closes at the exact same normal time regardless of if/when it's pressed. Which is what Sheldon is referencing here. Edit: so looking into things closer this is mostly a US thing. If you live outside of the US or in NYC you probably have a working close door button. It was also a result of disability legislation which requires the door be open for a minimum of 3 seconds which prompted elevator manufacturers to disable the button as a button that circumvents the 3 second rule would violate the law.

Maybe the scoped 4K isn't the longest range charger because the Eliter 3K still canonically exists even though it's no longer used by Inklings?

If you add "ldon" onto Gem (Gemldon) and then change the G to S, E to H, and M to E... You get Sheldon! Crazy, I know.

you have no idea how long i've been waiting for a splatoon 3 version of a sheldon advice video

the flingza's explanation of it changing shape when flicking it horizontally vs vertically IS something more specific to the flingza roller's design the roller (the part that touches the ground when rolling) has an extendible sort of "cap" (like a two-segment telescopic tube) that's only extended in horizontal mode, making the rolling cylinder resemble that of other roller weapons. when held in the vertical position, this cap is retracted to expose the fountain pen inside other rollers don't really have this form change and only pivot the whole rolling part of the weapon

My main grievance with the Splattershot Pros is how ink-hungry the weapons are. Once you throw a sub, you have only a dozen or so shots in the tank before you run out, which is bad in the heat of a fight. So it’s not exactly the most “beginner friendly” as you say it is.

Bro made a 1 hour video on sheldon☠️

I think the Splat Dualies description was just acknowledging “Ayo, this weapon used to have Burst Bombs but now it has Suction Bomb which you can’t really pull out in the middle of a fight. That’s ok though because we also have it Crab Tank”

After watching this video, I think a lot of the kits that don’t make sense are a result of nintendo believing that certain subs/specials serve a different purpose than what their actual use case is, the biggest example i see coming up multiple times is the sprinkler. As Gem says in the video, nintendo seems to think it’s a zoning tool and there are a few kits that I think would make a lot of sense if the sprinkler was actually able to do what sheldon is saying it does.

This is such a great idea! Thank you so much for taking all this time to make content for us and teach us things :) I'm going to chip away at it over the span of a few days. Maybe it'll help me to finally find a main.

I find it funny that they gave squeezer splash wall while LITERALLY POINTING OUT IT DOESN'T NEED SPLASH WALL

You could've said that the Undercover Brella was a fundamental misunderstanding of how the weapon plays just by looking at how they reworked the vanilla kit instead of the Kensa kit.

Too bad you didn’t press the R stick in at the beginning so that each weapon was being held by your Inkling as you talked about it.

27:00 If I remember correctly from Splatoon 1, Sheldon specifically mentioned the ink efficiency as the thing that made it "for pros."

About the Gold Aerospray "This is for people who think different. Most people who play a competitive PvP game think 'How do I win the game?' that's not exactly what a Aerospray player is thinking." I only ever pick up Gold Aerospray for when I need a fuck load of Cash immediately and I'm not feeling confident in Ranked, so yeah, I'm not thinking about winning lol

What I think the distinction for "pro/experienced players" regarding the splattershots is cone firing radius. The wider cone of the jr makes painting much easier and pinpoint accuracy in combat more difficult. You can spray areas a little more comfortably but also don't need to be as accurate with your shots to kill as long as your enemy isn't returning fire with equal or better accuracy. On the flipside, the poorer ink efficiency but better range and accuracy when going from jr to splattershot to pro makes it a poorer painting tool but better dualing weapon. I believe the devs are saying beginners should find more comfort in painting primarilly while pros can compensate for worse painting abilities through splatting. I believe this is also reflected in the difference of priorities painting vs splatting has in turf vs ranked modes (not that splatting is deprioritized, but painting has much heavier nessecity in turf and the objectives are much less confrontationally oriented). If my guess is correct the connotation simply just means better dualist and worse painting makes it easier for experienced hands to pick it up, though as you had said as far as dualist focused weapons the pros are fundimentally more basic and a good starting place. Jumping straight into other dual-oriented guns like .52gal or squeezer may leave newer players frustrated with less mobility options for escaping or navigating ontop of poorer ground paint covering.

39:45 this has aged like fine milk

The Luna one is very true. A lot of the playstyle is looking at where your opponents are going to go in respect to the geometry of the stage and then using your shots tactfully to splat them safely.

Watching this is now it’s hilarious seeing some of this. Example: 39:50 “The issue is the kit” 1 year later *Snipewriter is top weapon because good weapon and special* I also love how much credit Sheldon is given and how much you’re trying to make him look like he wants to help but is being held at gunpoint to sell the weapon. I mean I guess he could be, it is a weapon shop, but still it’s funny.

Undercover brella should be colored like enemy ink on one side if they REALLY want it to be a stealthing weapon

All hail crab tank is such an accurate line it puts it in top tier

Fantastic, I was actually thinking of suggesting this exact video idea!

I love that his description of the undercover brella is only accurate if your opponents think you’re carrying a regular umbrella.

LOL the Nova explanation. this is the hardest I've laughed in a while

Maybe if they changed sprinklers to function like little turrets that shoot at un/enemy-inked turf and enemy players, it would live up to the hype.

This is secretly a rundown on how to play every weapon in the game, their strengths and weaknesses, and what niche they fill in the meta. Nice!

"Stick and move" from the dualie squelchers is a boxing term. They plant their foot down for a moment to release a powerful strike (One dodge roll for the focused shots) And then use that foot to pivot out of the way or counter (So the other roll)

I get the sense that Sheldon ended up making a mistake when he was buying sprinklers. Like he added a couple extra 0's to the amount he was ordering, and now he is desperately trying to get rid of the useless things.

I think the slosher deco line is about ink as the actual sloshing projectiles. So it rains down ink with it's pretty decent fall damage shots. I think there's a few more references to 'ink' in the same way and that is how they've worded some patch notes like the 2.0 splatana wiper hitbox buff. L-3 curling bomb line is potentially hinting at contact damage + 3 tap combo. Mentions of Damage/Power are almost always per shot/hit. The sprinkler lines are mind boggling though I think the Aero MG is the only time it's even vaguely accurate.

"Sheldon may have a captive audience of literally everyone who plays Splatoon 3 and will therefore always have more clout then me..." - Gem 2023 Don't worry Gem, you have tons of clout, and everyone finds that crab annoying.

39:40 this aged like fine milk

In the next game, they should probably just give the player a dialogue option, which you can let Sheldon nerd out about a single weapon upon request. As someone who is in sales, you wanna give your customers all the information they need without overbearing or overwhelming them.

Might be a good idea to make a part 2 and part 3 for the 1 and 2 year anniversaries of the game respectively.

It was really funny seeing Sheldon try to make the Vrapid, a kit with zero synergy try to look good

"Stick and move" is a boxing turn of phrase. It means attack quickly and dodge immediately, which does fit into the sqiffer's kiting playstyle.

I think the reason some of the descriptions are a bit off is because they’re talking about how they work in turf rather than anarchy

Stick and move is boxing terminology referring to the act of putting out a hard shot then moving to make the opponent miss when they return fire... essentially kiting

38:06 So I looked at this, thought "no way *this* is what Sheldon could be referring to..." and then tested it. I am warning you, some truly cursed knowledge is up ahead. The 3 shots from an L-3 burst combos with the bump from curling bomb. Maybe this whole video is us not being able to understand how good Sheldon truly is at Splatoon. Maybe all of us laughing at him overselling the Sprinkler don't know how truly effective it is at controlling turf.

Squid school: I'd probably put it on a inkbrush Me: DONT YOU DARE

The thumbnail makes me want to see NPCs play in turf battles. .also lol the Sprinkler and the heavy splatting lol I love the weapon and hate the sub but I get how the quickness of a burst bomb or so doesn't couple with the slowness of a splatling.

1:04:33 "Almost" every other charger because The "E-Liter 4k Scope" doesn't out-range the distinctly different "E-Liter 4k". They're different weapons, therefore, like any true nerd, Sheldon has to be TECHNICALLY correct. Even if the two should be the same weapon with a toggle for scope or no. I'm still convinced that he just wants an excuse to make you spend more at his shop, so he makes you buy chargers twice.

Thanks to the ADA in America, unless you're a fireman or elevator technician, the close door button actually does nothing due to accessibility reasons

"Stick and move" is a boxing term where you strike and adjust your position at the same time, more or less.

I feel like expecting meta-relevant commentary on a weapons' overall performance is a bit unrealistic. I don't think Nintendo is specifically designing weapons to be good or bad, presumably they want everything to work and think everything does. They're not gonna call a weapon trash in the description meant to draw people to use it, and when they wrote the description they probably didn't think it was bad anyway. I think the context they're using "power" for most of these is damage per shot, ,and somewhat relative to the weapon class. Not overall DPS. The stat bars that come with the weapons also seem to reflect that.

Funny how mashing A through Sheldon’s weapon descriptions is still faster than the “Hurry it Up!” feature

25:25 when Sheldon says "stick and move" I don't think he literally means you get stuck. He means you can "stick and move" like a boxer. As in, you can move around a lot with rolls and shoot far range. lol

My pitch for a undercover brella buff is giving it a x2 damage multiplier on the first shot fired right after coming out of being submerged in ink

Perhaps stick and move could mean it is heavily based around staying still but isn’t afraid of moving

As a splattershot and tentatek main, I agree sm, I love playing aggressive tho

New player here. Can't really find a good weapon to main. I want something that kills quick, either at a distance or up close. The starting weapon is great. Fast, kills quick with reasonable range, and can paint ground in a pinch. Here was me thinking that the splat dualies had potential because it murders at close range, especially using the dodge roll. Seemed awesome in training. That's one weapon ticket waisted.

I really wonder what the devs see the sprinkler as. Through sheldon its like they have the sprinkler going absolutely haywire like an IRL sprinkler on the highest setting, but its not and its easy to get rid of and does barely any damage. I would love to see the dev vision of sprinkler cause obviously what it is ain't it lmao.

It really seems Sheldon gets rollers the least, since most of the descriptions say things about how great they are at painting, and as such the only high-ranked roller description is Big Swig because that's really the only painting/support roller besides Flingza (sort of)

lol Sheldon is a menace

That intro was incredibly creative

Hilarious intro 🤍

I love watching sheldon desperately try to sell the terrible sub weapons like sprinkler. Also I love the dig at the aerospray apologists

I believe the "stick snd move" phrase is referring to have the weapon gives a bit of momentum out the rolls compared to being stuck in place like other Dualies. Odd wording for sure but that's what my impression is.

For the dualies he is probably referring to the lower damage per bullet compared to other weapons. My guess

I believe when Sheldon refers to power he is only comparing it to other weapons of that same class, shooters, blasters etc

I think the "dare to dream" part for the pro meant like, how the pro is an entry tool for harder to use weapons, maybe?

I played the story mode first, worst level was the one focused on the angle subweapon. I avoided it like the plague from then on, and so did the rest of the story mode lol

34:57 I think he talking about throwing ink on top of enemies, not inking turf.

In the nova's defense, I have GONE OFF with it before. Point sensor really helped but I got like 11 splats in one game with it once

8:47 I think maybe he’s just trying to hype up the Crab Tank

25:39 He also didn't mention that Dualie Squelchers are able to move right after a dodge roll.

I think you put a little too much merit in how strong a weapon is competitively. The Sploosh o Matic description was 100% accurate, but you gave it a lower score just because the weapon itself is weak. No weapon is designed to be bad, and of course they're not gonna say "this weapons sux lol"

1:04:20 its probably referring to how celiter scope matches its range

Calling the Tacticooler on the Snipewriter 5H a liability is absolutely wild with hindsight.

30:38 usually they at least mention what sun and special it has even if it doesn’t tell you how to use them

45:44 if I had to guess, this is probably the way Nintendo intended this one to be used, and the it’s just used differently by players. Based on the wide size at least. So I’d give him some slack here, since this one might be on the player-base.

I like how Sheldon literally quotes Marvel (spiderman theme but "slosher can" instead of "spider can") then the Bible ("your bucket runeth over" instead of "your cup runeth over") then Gem literally marked him off for that. Also, right now people only use the reeflux for missiles, but I think the weapon itself has potential. It can play like a squiffer, inkbrush, or kind of like an octobrush/slosher in that it can quickly snipe at medium range, can kill quickly at close range (given great aim and vertical shots are used to their full potential), and apply some pressure over ledges (30-45 random damage is nothing to scoff at). Curling bomb is great for it, and I have found a niche use case for the 20 damage from hit. If you throw a properly fused curling bomb at someone, it can be used as pressure, it could hit them and reduce a four tap to a three tap (or a three tap to a two tap if you use one 45 damage shot), or it can be used to get close to someone, but generally close range is used for when you sneak up on someone, similar to how inkbrush plays. Missiles is nice, but I think wail would be useful and zipcaster would be fun, given that it can zip right next to someone and two tap them (potentially one tap with arm explosion and triple tap hit). Also, with a different special people might have tried the weapon as a weapon, not a disposable tool only used to get missiles. For a second kit, fizzy would obviously be good, but burst or splat are probably the best choices for its playstyle. Applying pressure with splat and sometimes hitting them with the 30 damage from the edge of the explosion is really helpful and the 30-60 damage of burst would be really good, seeing as hitting them with a partial charge (I think half of first charge) then a burst would kill (kind of like carbon deco, but a little weaker).

The opening 30 seconds of this video is priceless.

The e-liter scope won't be longer range than e-liter scope variants. So maybe they're trying to be precise. It doesn't necessarily mean there will be a longer range charger.

30:58 I really doubt just painting for missiles was the designers’ intended play-style for the weapon. Maybe it’s more-so that the players don’t use it the way it was designed to be in this case

there were a few i felt didnt need to go down as many tiers as they did for something that looked like a hard sell of what the item wants to do but is just trash so it doesnt. thats just my opinion but this was a great watch (and rewatch)

Power is likely in reference to how much damage it does compared to the basic version of the weapon. Without considering fire rate.

Bro the intro deserves a like alone