Grindr Big D's and Limp Hearts. What I learned from hooking up. | mtf transgender woman 

I've got to admit, when I saw this title I was thinking "this one probably wont be as applicable to my journey", but Ashley, you are always wise and I'll listen to any words you share! And to my surprise, about halfway through this video suddenly got very very VERY applicable! I loved love love the part about the flower and carbon. And that affirmation practice near the end? OMG hon, that was so perfect it brought tears to my eyes. I don't think I even realized just how badly I needed an actual practice like that instead of trying to just sort through it in my head until i tried it this morning! Thank you so much for this! 💖💖

😂Damn girl, you have no filter whatsoever…And I love it! You give me courage Ashley! Thanks for being you!😅❤

You are a very intelligent woman. Never ever have I heard something so deep and clever about grief. Connected to the trans-experience and trauma on top of it! Thank you soooo much. You are encouraging a lot of people with your big heart. As a transmasculine gay person in the "process" I always listen to you here with my honest and loving respect for your fascinating contribution to the discussion.

Jesus this is so on point with what I’m going through right now. Thank you for being so open in these videos ❤

i had my hookup time a few month ago.... But what i was really looking for was , love , a feeling of security and warmth ... and recognition as a woman. Ashley you are a wonderful and deeply loveable cute intelligent woman . Never forget that .

Wow I LOVE how blunt and transparent you are now Ash! I remember first watching you around 2 years ago and I can see similarities and changes. But I 1000% agree on letting that past relationship/ trauma/ memory go and die. Something about actively saying, doing, feeling letting go does wonders. Those last few minutes of meditation are GOLD.

Hi Ashley! Your content has helped me so much with not only my transition, but with internal healing as well. As someone with deep spiritual wounds from religious trauma, I used to avoid anything considered “spiritual” because of negative associations. Your advice of letting things die and reforming the energy into something healthy deeply resonates with me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 💜 You give this young trans girl reason to hope again after what has been a very traumatic year

Ashley, thanks for showing us this glimpse into your deep inner self. Personally, I think you're a better off not doing hookups. You're better than that. Sometimes it just takes time. After I broke up with the last cis lady I dated, I didn't date anyone for about 18 months. I used this time to just de-stress and learn more about me and what I was looking for in all aspects of my life. Good luck, take care.

ashley i love your videos, but this one specifically is something i kinda needed to hear bc of the part of letting people go, tysm!! pls never stop making videos cause you help so many trans people 🤍

Ashley, Thank You. I started my transition in October, and you have no idea how much your videos help me deal with my feelings.

Just wanted to say that I really appreciate your channel. I’ve been questioning whether or not I’m trans recently and your videos have been helping me navigate. Sometimes it’s just simple things you do in videos like asking questions to the camera. Honestly I thought it was corny at first, but sometimes I have genuine answers to your questions and it’s a validating experience. So anyway ty for all of your content you’re great 🙏

When you go through a bad breakup, most people need some time to themself to find themself, do some soul searching, etc. Don't just jump into anything right away. Everyone feels somewhat desperate after a breakup; so be mindful of that. You are a very attractive woman, Ashley, and you're smart and nice. You have options.

What you said about letting go about recent break up is very insightful and deep but true. Never heard ever before some one put that way. By the way i am very straight guy that enjoy and watch you on youtube. Good work

OMG!! 10 years of Buddhist meditation and you condensed it all into a few minutes. THANKS!

Oh goodness, I remember when I had covid in May, it took me months for my voice to come back to center and it’s still a bit shifted since. Glad you’re [mostly] better now.

Thanks , again, for such an open talk! Your content is awesome, your voice and beauty are a comforting oasis! ❤️

I've been binging your videos since I came to realise I was trans literally a couple of days ago. Obviously, I'm basically at the beginning of my journey but as someone who (around 22y/o) had sort of settled into a comfortable routine and a pretty healthy mindset, my only hang-ups with the process so far have been my ingrained mannerisms, things like catching myself really spreading my legs out, not having a trained voice yet, the way I speak very dude-like to my roommate (its so hard to not do that), even my gym workouts which I realise are sort of enforcing a more masculine figure etc. I think I had already known that eventually the whole sort of male personality would have to go at some point where I feel comfortable, but I think I'm starting to see that some things are going to be mental or muscle memory battles I'll have to wage for quite a while, especially with the idea/goal of trying to not just turn myself into a caricature of some woman, but rather into myself - with my interests and excitements and confidence intact. As such, your videos have been really helping me with processing that and sort of realising the very blunt sort of truths of this stuff, you have a very clear and concise communication style that is so open and lands so very close to my own thought processes, so thank you thank you thank you

It’s usually never easy to get over a breakup especially after a long relationship. On the other end when you drag it out you usually grow to hate the person. So you know it’s for the best even when it’s happening. The older I got I felt it became easier to “forget” the person. Usually a new person in your life is the most helpful. Sometimes even just doing things you love that maybe you didn’t have time for when you were dating. Just keep giving yourself reminders why it’s not so bad. Parts of this video made me laugh “I could try pee but I’m never gonna do poop”. Now that’s content!!!

I love the no filter omfg!!!

Love your content and your openness as well as the spiritual talk. My heart and soul goes out to you.

Your videos help the emotional overload. 😢 Keep up the good work!

Glad to see you back ❤️❤️❤️ great content I need to try grindr or someone in the comments let's hook up

Thankyou immensely ,your word is sooth , profound and echo resonates deeply . I' ts a relief to not feel so starkly alone

Thanks, Ashley! Min 11 onwards is pure gold

It’s about connection not physicality. Without a connection with another human you will never have a complete relationship. It doesn’t matter how beautiful the other person is on the outside without the connection inside you have a little

I really, really enjoyed the meditation at the end of the video. Keep up the great work.

It sucks to move on from what you thought was going to be. Tapping helps, learning about your attachment style can also help you figure out why you attached to them and what you need to work on. Good luck!

Thanks to you: I signed up on Grindr. I starred 60 good looking trans-women in my area.

I didn't realize that RU-vid had an X rated section but here i am lol....i do honestly enjoy these videos and learn from them im just trying to make a joke about how these conversations are viewed by society as so horrible that it needs to X rated....i mean absolutely do not let kindergartners watch this, but high school juniors, sure if they're questioning or something why not..... basically, thanks Ashley

Thank you for all that you do. Namaste.

Yes you are so right. So many right things. You are saying. You can not drag your past. Into the next relationship. Evey new relationship is new, and has no past. I can hold you res For all my past faults. You are cool. Be open and accepting to then next. It maybe not today or tomorrow. We are all flawed.

I so enjoy your candor. Thanks! 😘🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

Okay so that was actually a question I had but you just answered it for me. My question was why do my nerves go crazy? Simple answer is the guy goes to hard and to fast way to quick

I am the same. Hookups just don't do anything for me. I have to be with someone I care about.

Hooking up has never been for me, once in awhile I guess its fine. But I quickly realize it feels meaningless. I'd rather put my energy towards pursuing a potential meaningful relationship over just sex, which is why I would never touch apps like Grindr. I think as you get age and mature, you quickly realize that you mostly outgrow the use of apps for hooking up and look for potential long term partners. That journey to find someone can either be the longest, the shortest, or it just never happens, which is unfortunate. PS: Nice Steam Deck in the back!

Thank you for sharing

Glad you feeling better sweetheart you are a good person that person lost a beautiful person you are beautiful as you are love you souch you deserve a precious relationship you are a precious woman

This was such an interesting video. A combination of insightful, raunchy, wholesome, lovely

Ashley ... it took you 2/3rds of the video to get to the shamanic stuff! You know I wish that most of your videos were on the spiritual/shamanic stuff. I was reminded of how Castaneda said that shamans shouldn't have children, as the children were an open channel of vulnerability through which the shaman could be attacked ... and similarly, all those connections made in relationships (or hook-ups) weave energetic threads that eventually need to be teased apart. I think that one of the things contributing to my not "getting" the whole hook-up thing (aside from being a Boomer), is the energetic complexity generated by that sort of behavior (it's insanely complicated when tracked outward like a contact map). From my own spiritual perspective, one has to be REAL willing to make those connections with a person (or be resigned to unweaving the results) before indulging in an intimate encounter (and don't get me started on the energetic, time-crossing, implications of porn!). I was also surprised at your suggestion that the essence of a flower was its carbon. I wasn't expecting materialistic reductionism from you! Yes, the carbon is there, but what of the sense inputs, the color, scent, texture, etc., not to mention platonic ideals of what a flower is, or even the morphogenetic fields expressing it from energy? The "leave & die" approach seems to be a solution, but even in the ash, the energetic connections are still there (just do some psychometry on a cremation urn sometime). Of course, were one to make a more literal interpretation on having one's old connections "die", you certainly have enough room out back there to make the bodies disappear!

I feel better when I stay off grindr. I don’t want physical priorities as my number one. I say demisexual to guys now. To each their own, I just think most grindr dudes are chaser vibes

Here’s the thing: There are a ton of cute dudes on Grindr who are interested in Trans-girls, but many of them are emotionally damaged or some other crazy sh!t. That’s what I’ve noticed. 😂🤔

“I’m not THAT dirty.” 🤣

You’re quite an incredible woman and I can truly hear maturation… just very cool!

Just found your channel today and I am really appreciating you. 🙏💚

I'm too scared to hook up on grindr

Interesting perspectives. Don't completely agree with all, but love your intellectual and thoughtful insights.....

You've grown so much babe ❤ 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 congrats I'm trying to start my journey this year

Im looking for someone like you, hope I find that person some day ☺️

God how I sometimes wish I could be properly excited by meaningless sex 😣Great somatic/ depth work you do, Ashley! Are you familiar with the Jungian take on alchemy? You also made me think of the Jungian book "The Eden Project: In Search of the Magical Other."

I’ve followed you Ashley for years and I’ve always liked you 😎😍🥰❤️💄💋🤭😅

Idk. I guess it’s different for me because I’ve always felt female and I naturally exude femininity. My issue was suppressing that energy. I never felt like I had to destroy my past self because it is me. I just view it as allowing my true self to shine. I don’t like the concept of “dead names” and essentially killing an identity that is very much me.

Holding onto emotions isn’t just painful, it mentally fucks you up. So I’ve also got to the point where I have no problem killing off the memories.

Ashley, there are a disturbing number of de-transitioning videos on the net, which I do not think are representative of the trans community as a whole. People who believe they are trans, after consultation with the medical fraternity , should be able to receive transitioning hormones without have to go through the third degree, and be actively encouraged in gender realignment surgery. Medics should inform patients of reversible and irreversible processes prior to treatment (patients should sign to this effect), so there are no surprises for the future. There are cases for children, who strongly identify with the other gender and are confirmed to be so by Drs, to have hormone treatment before puberty, and these should not be stopped, but assisted on their journey.

I deleted all apps - I don't want to hook-up without any love - I am nearly 50 and living an asexual life because nobody wants me - that's my reality as a trans woman.

I need some tips on how to hook up on grinder

Girl, your outfit is adorable. 😍

I like your videos..this video you start the conversation very cool and hot, then your conversation move to something more serious and more spiritual. I think hook up are what it is hookups..that other form of enjoy our sexuality..😃

You're so fun to listen to.

Bruce Lee (dont say who is that lol) He said Be formless, shapeless,empty your mind, be like water . it can flow or it can crash . etc etc

OMG Ashley the shaman, quite powerful! Loreleah the shaman

Thank you so much for your wisdom!!!!😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

Well said Ashley

Fastest way to get over a guy is to get underneath another one . Yes it works I know . Hugs Domino

This was the most likely result. Hookups are bad for the soul.

As a Trans person who is also Autistic, a lot of the concepts you talk about in this video just seem to come naturally to me. Have never been interested in hook ups. My primary attraction has always been to people's minds. Intelligence is as SAF....

Hook up you is not real you - is usually how I define it.

I hate how she talks this guy up but we'll never actually get to see what he looks like.

So guys should not use grindr if they arent hot? If so where do you find out objectively if you are? Ive hooked up with maybe 70 cd and trans women at swinger parties. No one on grindr

this was helpful advice, thank you

Ashley, I am pleased 😁 you have shared ➡⬅ with all of us the world 🌇 of energies... 🎇 I personally have seen these energy patterns 🎋🎉🎊 all of my life but never with intelligent 🎓structure 🏯🗼 you give it with words. I love the mind 🎐 you have and the supreme 🎆 essence you have connected 🎆too... Plus being practical you have looks that are super gorgeous 😘😘😘 too... Keep those chakras working...🐺🐰🐒.

I always giggle when you do vids on sex cuz you get embarrassed. 😀

I'm so in love with your outfit in the thumbnail. How come you don't wear stuff like that in your videos?

Such great advice, I would love to have a lunch (or five) with you. I just feel you have so much more i (and the world) could learn.

Girl, you is wild.

Just don't run thru a bunch of dudes and then complain there are no good men out there. Or do, it's your life. How is the marksmanship coming along?

It's all about a connection with estrogen I've found. Mental arousal lol. I think that's what you're experiencing. I wish I could do girl talk with you. Like this very explicit video! Lol

I live in London. Here on Grindr I get 0 offers. Whereas, while I was on holiday Albania I received 100s of offers from hot young Albanian men. I am 42 transvestite.

Beautiful dress can I ask one question what is handsome I don't understand what women think is handsome I don't know what handsome is

i made my gf dislike me over 4 months before i broke up with her. became a lazy slob granted this was easy bc my heart was failing and i retained 35lbs worth of water.

I love dirty talk

I see you girl... good stuff!

I find you extremely cute af

*STOMP* *CLAP* HI!!!

Damn. Give him my number, girl! LOL

I have hooked. up with someone as good looking as ashley with party and play.on grindr i get ignored

I tried hooking up with men on Grindr but none of them wanted to take my desire to feel safe seriously 🙁

something about letting the love for my mother die doesnt feel right

I m curious what are the three miniatures on the lower shelve?

I don't like the hook up culture and cheapen the sex but I understand gotta try and let go.

Commenting on the video for the algorithm

I would 100% NOT recommend your 'Move on' technique for someone who has suffered a bereavement... Losing someone that way, especially suddenly, is a whole different ball game... You really should clarify that!!

U rock Ashley!

Gosh we think a lot alike .......giggle....

Okay, But still, two questions! is the video allowed on RU-vid?? and why did RU-vid kept recommending this video to me? no offense I actually respect and love the Trangs community am big fan of Sonnie Love from Tiktok but this type of video is not my style honestly everything am hearing is all new to me and so weird to hear about. 😥💜💯

He’s not hittin the bussy right.

Great advice

This video is hot. I love all of this. By way of California 😊

Sapio-sexual is the term/ label.. I know it well.

I think I have the same problem.

The hand on the heart. .... the heart contains no emotions. Its blood, vessels, muscle etc. The emotions come mostly from the brain. And why does anyone put there hand "close" to theyre heart, no ever ever puts there hand On theyre heart & lived. lol