im 20 and a virgin. if i ever tell anybody they act like they respect it and assume its for religious reasons. its really because ive never ever had the opportunity, i shy from anything that could lead there.
It's completely ok to "just cuddle". Also, don't ever feel ashamed about the number of people you've been with sexually. It doesn't matter if you've had sex with 2 or 30 different people because when you meet a special one, you'll see that's the only one that matters, and the others were just life experiences. I don't consider myself a slut, and I've been with like 25 guys in 5 years. I don't find it appealing when guys are all body and no brain, so I really have to engage in a long conversation with them before moving on to having sex. That is probably why I am still friends with about 20 of those guys until this day, we simply realized we weren't compatible for a relationship but we had a good base for a friendship. And once you realize that, the sex you had in the past becomes unimportant. What matters is what made you friends in the first place. Fast forward to today, I've been with an adorable guy for almost a year now, and it made me realize that all the other times I had sex, yes it was fun, but it also was just that: fun and nothing more. And yes, we started by "just cuddling". You're a nice guy and adorable as well, so I'm sure once you find someone that gets you as much as you get them, you'll see that your past is so insignificant compared to your present. Hugs :)
I feel you. I am a gay woman, I am depressive and everything is different to me. I want love, but it never comes. Then I think it's because I don't love myself in the first place. Recently I had an experience with a girl and I could not... come... and she was weird about it. I feel like no one wants me, likes me or could ever love me. Then I blame myself for being who I am... There is no support for people like me (us)... everyone says: help yourself. I agree, but sometimes it's all too much for one soul to carry...
awww its so much harder for lesbian women too yalls community is like smaller and less represented than gays. i hope you find some kind of peace bestie.
Jonny, just found you, know nothing about you, and I subbed because you ARE a nice guy. Everything you have said here makes sense to me, a counselor. It is a basic human need to be loved for who we are. In my view, that does not mean we give our bodies to strangers. You aren't weird at all. Guys that you would like to be with, are guys exactly like you. I think you have a great grasp of reality. Bro, be who you are, that is what people you would like, will like about you. You are a great guy.....Ray
I totally relate how confusing and complex it all is. I think a lot of people can relate, coming out is hard and navigating it is hard when there is no set way.
I'm watching this seven years later and I understand you. I sort of feel the same way about meaningless sex and I can't tell you how long it's been since I've been with another guy. And I'm told I'm good looking and blah, blah, blah, but one nighters, especially at my age do nothing for me. You are beautiful inside and out and I pray you will find someone who will love and cherish you as you are. In fact, I know you will. Be blessed. From NYC. ❤❤
Stop worrying about what we'll think. We're your mates. It's okay to talk about any subject with us. Don't beat yourself up. I slept with all my male friends, growing up. I was far too young. I don't regret it one bit as it's made me the empathic person I am today. I totally except people for who they are. You're the same because of your experiences. Chill. We're all different. Different is good. You'll find him. That one. It'll be when you're not looking. Be you. Not them 💗
Thank you for sharing Jonny and thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable with us. Your words echoed so many in my past. The great thing is you already know in your mind what "come-ing" will look like that when you are ready, it will be beautiful.
Oha. I am so happy you are talking about that. i have had the same experiences. And it always felt so wierd to talk about it. I heard so many stories about people after their coming out, being so free and starting their lifes. And I am outet for 3 years now and it still feels tough coming out. And I still am not really open about it. Also the sex part stresses me a lot. There is so much anticipation and I enjoy it, but sometimes I just get so freaked out, that it won't happen. I don't know. Just thank you for sharing. It's really great to hear that story of yours.
I totally understand . I have only been with 2 guys since I came out to my family in 1978 at the age of 17. You have nothing to be or feel embarrassed about. You bring joy, kindness and a spirit of care and love to all you reach in your vlogs and in your advocacy for Mental Health issues in the UK and the world. Don't worry Jonny you are not alone at all and you are a gem of a human being and what you are saying is always from the heart and soul. I have exp the same issues with med related libido over the years and as far as dating apps go I and so many others have been on them for all the reasons you mentioned; to find or try to find someone we can share are hearts and souls with . Thank you again for making this vlog. Ironically I was thinking about all the same things you mentioned in this vlog over the past few weeks and this video was a beautiful thing to see and hear. You mean so much to so many suffering with Mental Health issues and you are much supported and adored.
Wow, I recently came out at 26 and can relate to so much of what you say. I’ve tried to force myself to have hook ups like “normal people “ but I find it so intensely awkward that I derive very little pleasure from the experience.
I don't personally think it's unusual or strange but I totally understand how it is perceived to be given that certain stigmas are attached to so many parts of being gay, dating apps included. I'm not a dating app person purely because the one time I signed up, it was instant "wanna hook up?" messages from anyone who just spotted a name popping up. A lot of it is just establishing that it's fine to be, feel, and think however you want that helps you out. I suppose not quite being into sex myself makes me feel a little bit of "wtf?" towards people who just want to hook up for sex and that's it. I get it, don't get me wrong, but sometimes it's just not your thing (or mine) and that's fine.
Wow I wish I saw your video before now, this helped I thought I was the only one who thought most of the same thoughts and feelings I had with guys especially when I first came out and during college.
I relate to this so much ; - ; I haven't been with anyone and I really feel pressured to do something about it, but I'm not sure if I want it at this time in my life :c I don't judge you, I feel the same. Feels good to know that I'm not alone.
Don't cave to the pressure unless it is something you want to do. This was a good message, as far as I'm concerned. Too much hooking up can have a horrible effect on a person emotionally. The point of a relationship is not to be a "one and done" thing. It's looking for true companionship, someone to just be there with no silly expectations. I hope that you know that you are fine just the way that you are. Do what is comfortable for you, and good on you for sticking to your guns. These apps leave out the emotional part of the whole thing, and I think that's something that matters a lot to you. Keep your chin up, sir. You are not alone.
This is a deeply human and honest video. It took a lot of courage to make this and I aplaud you. Most people may not say it, or even admit it, but they want exactly what you are looking for. Deep down inside, they that meaningless hookups are just that, meaningless. And the behavior is always in the hope that the perfect guy will someday appear. But after awhile, it becomes impossible to see it because they are not look at themselves for the answer to the question, "What am I really looking for?" If you understand the difference between love, sex and intimacy, Mr. Right will come to you, and not the other way around.
This video... THANK YOU!!! Yes, I fully understand and I at times feel the same way. Just wanting a guy and just cuddle for a while. Feeling a guy's embrace. You're not alone in this. I know it's 2 years since you posted this, and for some reason it was on my recommend videos to watch, and THANK gosh there's guy's like you who said it. Everyone has a background, and for some it's hard or tricky to get what we want. But at the end of the day, this doesn't have to be weird. Yes, some of us are gay. And yes, we want to be with another person. But it's not always for sex. We just want somebody to hold, or someone to feel comfortable with, without giving in to the stupid stigma set by others. OP, I send you a warm embrace, and I hope you're doing well!!!
I’m 57 , and going through what you described , right now . Only embraced my sexuality this year. Thank you so much for this vid. Sending you , good vibes and big hugs xxxxx
You said you should have had more courage in the past... Well I'm happy to say that, having been following your journey, I know of nobody in the world who is more courageous than you. Congratulations on being one strong courageous lovely person :-)
Jonny, even though we're not friends it breaks my heart listening to your story. I have a difficult time when I find out anyone is struggling. Have you ever considered counseling? I've been & go anytime I feel the need. I too sense that you are a kind, caring, & loving individual. Plus you're certainly easy on the eyes. Wishing you only the best.
Just be who you are and you will meet the right person for you when you least expect it. Having done the Grindr thing and having been pretty promiscuous when I was young I have never found happiness in these activities. I am now looking for that special someone and it will happen.
This video made me hurt, cringe and laugh omg, this would be me if I tried to vlog. It's hard to find people like this on RU-vid because everyone seems so comfortable and full of themselves. This was refreshing hahah. You seem like the nicest person and I relate to everything you said so much. It is basically the monologue that I constantly have every day in my head lol. I just want a wholesome boyfriend to cuddle with but at the same time I also want to experience crazy random sexual stuff, and I think of the consequences of both things and can't find the answer to what I should do...and it's all in my head 'cause at 19 I haven't had any experiences with anyone yet. And then I try to realize that it's ok. The way we feel, the way we act, the way we are, everything is ok and as it should be. We want to be like others and that's ok, but we can't always be like others and that's ok, because we are all different and that's ok. Cheers to finding what we really want and deserve in our lifetime lol!
I recently came out as gay to my parent, my mum is a jehovah witnesses, but she accepts me for who I am, and she still loves me, I found this video to be very touching as my uncle has schizophrenia and I have see how it has affected his life, and I can't imagine how horrible it must be for you and him. you shouldn't feel pressured about getting with so many guys, I am 19 and I haven't had sex yet, even though I had my first gay kiss with a guy at a nightclub, so that was nice.
John thank you for talking to us. It is hard. I too wish I were like some of those I see around me. But I often don’t know about their pain and hardship. Wish I were near you so we could hold hands. Michael
Don't ever be embarrassed.. you are a very handsome guy and you will find the right person. It is not a bad thing at all to have not slept with many guys. The right guy will appreciate you for who you are. And I have the same problems with my medications and there is nothing that you can really do. It is just a really shitty side effect. Anyone would be lucky to be with you, you have an amazing soul. Stay strong looking forward to more videos. There is something about your voice and the way you talk that is very relaxing when I'm having a lot of anxiety.
This video literally made me uncomfortable watching how anxious you were, even alone with yourself. It made me really sad seeing how worked up you were. This was just recommended so I've never seen you before so I hope you're not feeling this way all the time. I just want to hug you while you cry cause it seems like that's what you need
So proud of you that you could come out...... so so happy... I was able to be myself and live with my BF states away in school until my parents found out ... they drove 16 hrs and just showed up and actually burn our photos - packed my shit and transferred me back - loosing him, and pushing me into an arranged wedding with my bf that was a girl. Was forced to live a lie, really killed me ..... i am not sure i would change it for the world 🌎 because i have a great daughter that her mom walked away from us. But those 20 yrs since college - it screwed me up and now i must deal with my new partner and me coming out little by little. My 15 yr old is actually accepting - living with us, was never a question- i left the door open but up till 5 yrs ago living a lie sucks and i am so happy for u !! Take a guess how hard it is to go back into our community with a daughter and being 42 yrs old ..... its sad since everyone lies about “accepting” but facts are facts - everyone wants that perfect body and under 30 ..... so its so accepting - not 😞 The 90s where so so different... maybe some will understand but 90% say ut but really dont.. You seem like a kind hearted - definitely beautiful man - dont beat urself over it ... Delete ur apps and get out there ! U will find ur mate - grinder will Never give it to u . Sorry to say... Chin Up Love !
This will probably never be seen, but I want to thank you for this video. It must have been hard to post but I want to let you know if no one else it has helped me. a young gay guy in the process of coming out even though I have known since I was 13. I feel the same way I can't do the whole meet up thing I just want companionship and, someone, to talk to and hold and be held by thank you. Sending all the love to you and the universe hopefully eventually some will return to me.
Damn it just hit me.... I was upset with my ex-bf because he didn’t come must of the time.... I thought because I’m not good enough for him and it made me insecure and it put so much pressure on the poor guy... little did I consider him recently discovering he’s gay and he comes from a baptist family... no wonder he broke with me eventually. I guess I was too much.... I wish I can go back in time and tell him it’s ok not to come, and just give him a hug and a kiss.... we’re still friends but we rarely see each other
It doesn't matter where you meet people, be upfront and clear about what you want to experience and willing to give. There are a lot of people who can handle a nice chat, dinner, movies, and company. Good luck!!!
Johnny just be yourself, the person we see on your video's. Vulnerability is something you seem to focus on, but so honest with it. That takes guts. I'm sure some nice guy will see the beauty in this, and respect your honesty. You just haven't meet this guy yet. Maybe it's the guy you were going to meet up with. Or with the work you do it will attract the attention of an admirer, and you might not see it coming, this will be the right person for you
I wish I was having as much fun as my family and friends think that I am. Believe me, popularity or being like everyone else isn't as fulfilling as good health, kindness and gratitude. Nice job expressing how many of us are truly feeling. Thanks.
My eyes were filled with tears. Your struggle is so personalized and brave. As a psychotherapist I want to encourage you to realize how amazing and authentic you are. Love yourself and know your struggle is not unusual, but the pain is so real. I was incredibly moved by you!
I totally agree with you. But you've nothing to be embarrassed about. As long as you feel you're doing things, or developing strategies, that are what you really intend and choose (and are safe) then it's all good. I have always felt there was/is a sex, drugs and alcohol issue in the LGBT community (esp in terms of culture, pressure and so on) so I'm glad to see you dealing with this here. The other gay guys were probably over stating their exploits too, so I would take all that they said with a pinch of salt :) I've had mental health issues so I can relate to the other things you've said too. I find casual hookups really difficult from an emotional/psychological perspective (so I don't do them) as I need longer to gain trust/connection/intimacy etc. I'm actually non scene now and I'm happy with that xx
You're an amazing and hot guy Jonny and I hope you stay safe. My days of hookups and using Grindr are over for good. I wish you all the best! Much love. Earl
You're lovely. If people are making you uncomfortable enough to tell lies like that, you may want reconsider who you hang out with, where and when and in what numbers? Once you start doing that you will end up saying and doing all sorts of things to fit in and you could get into seriously messed up situations. Decide for yourself how many, who, where and why more often and maybe keep the big groups down to an absolute minimum. Don't lose yourself like you have lost your confidence and self-esteem. This is a VERY common effect of the scene and Android Phone have magnified the effect hugely. If there is no you left, there will be no need for social skills beyond those needed to operate a hookup in Grindr?
Johnny, I am Japanese and happened to know how to speak English, and I have been telling people who are very close to me that I am gay, first to my mother and to the rest of my family member, people. I was molested by a very young guy when I was only at age of 4, and ironically that was my oldest momory. He snached away my innocence and nailed in my, little boy's brain that it was so disgusing, I still remember the everything what had happened very vividly, even the feeling of his tongue in my mouth, yet I couldn't tell my mom, cause I know if she found it out, she will be very very sad, nor anyone in my life. But later on I also do remember when I was age of 7, I was very fond of this girl in my class, I didn't know what it was that time, but I wanted to be with her all the time. To make a long story short, I had a few gay relationships, but never been in a straight relationship. Girls liked or even likes me however boys are more aggresive so It was easy for me to be with boys. Yet I never liked intercouese, and I like watching straight pornos rather than gays. I am at age of 48 going to be 49 this coming April in 2017, I tried not to have relationship with guys and questioning about my true sex orientation, yet hesitant to tell people bacuse they see me as a gay man all through my life, especially my parents and 4 other siblings. I was really moved by your story and look up to your humbleness whcih I can sense the tone of your voice. I have never registered anything on youtube, or even I never knew that you could do, I just found out. Your messge meant so much to me at this moment in my life. I really appreciat you. You are just wonderful.
I see this was posted a few years ago, but i've just seen it...i can relate...big time...sometimes i wish i was 'normal' too...but i am who i am. too courage to post that!
I rarely come too. But my situation is different. Guys are just greedy and are all about themselves. Once they come it's usually over for them and that's the end. It just takes me longer.
also schizoaffective. when i came out i was psychotic (weed) and hooked up with a bunch of guys i met on gay bars, rarely i got hard. now my problem is not coming with my 'boyfriend' (i tell him it's the antipsychotics). i think straight guys learn sexuality gradually but we don't, it's forced. and when you have a mental disorder that makes you not fully trust or feel anxious about another guy it's particularly difficult. small steps, man.
frrr too many gays play into our already hyper sexualized sterotype and honestly i feel like alot of guys don't know how to act so its easy just to go full sexual or something. Grindr probably isn't a place for intimate relationships or any intimacy but fr it should be more normalized cuz thats gotta damage ur mental healtha after a while.
Jonny you are to me the perfect bf for Many reasons: you are true, sensible, sincere, beautiful inside as outside and finally sexual performances , libido and superficiality do not define an happy and satifying couple..... Keep it up
Take the next step when you're ready. Not everyone wants random hook ups on Grindr but, without the dating sites, where could we start from? You have to be open minded, give people a chance. This is our community, if you can even call it that. That's the reality.
