Have we explained homophobia to our toddler? 

*Captions are up, thank you for your patience!* Which has been your favourite episode so far?

Literally had a 3 year old tell me that he has two dads, but he has to be careful about who he tells because some people are assholes. 😂

Homophobes want people to believe that being gay is a foreign thing that doesnt exist in their country. This is why it's important to acknowledge and remember queer people who live in openly homophobic countries.

queer malaysian here who's been openly so for ages. also been watching this channel for quite a while. yeah there are homophobes here (like every other country) and the law is abhorrent - though it really is not that strictly enforced for everyone outside of shariah law - but we exist. most non-queer malaysians are actually pretty okay with it when they grow to understand it - they just aren't used to the concept of queerness because of how "taboo" and censored our identities are. hate the government and all the anti-lgbt propaganda, but love my country. it's a long way to go for us to be able to be as loud and proud as we would want to be, but i would not trade my love for my fellow malaysians for anything else, flaws and all. we will get there. i also want to point out that many developing countries (hate that term, we are only still "developing" due to exploitation) pre-missionary times and pre-colonisation were proud of and respected their queer people, like the manang bali of the iban tribe in borneo.

I'm so confused by the comments being like "why do you keep going to Malaysia every year?!" I'll be super honest and say that I'm not a regular watcher of this channel. I've watched a couple videos here and there over the years. Even with how infrequently I tune in even *I* knew that Claudia's part Malaysian. If I knew that how do people who seem to be regular viewers not know that and not realize that *of course* you guys would go back regularly so she can see her family

One day, maybe in Rupert's adulthood, homophobia will be laughed at as being a dumb thing to fear. You ladies will be a big part of that. ❤❤❤

It’s so sweet that Rupert refers to caregivers as “adults.” I was raised by my great grandparents and it was always really hard for me as a little kid when people asked me where my mom or dad was!

I once was taken to the hospital here in Germany by my heavily pregnant sister and they asked "oh, your wife can come back with us" and I just mentally fist bumped the air. Even though it was a funny moment as sisters, I was so proud that they didn't even bat an eye about us maybe being a couple. As a bi woman who is straight facing, married to a man, and also raising a 2.5 year old, I love your videos. Thank you for creating content, even if it isn't easy sometimes ❤

I love the idea of children’s “adults”. This is inclusive of all types of dynamics and family structures.

My wife and I get asked if we're sisters all the time, which is equally hilarious, because I'm North African looking, and she's Korean! Never know what to say that will keep us from laughing 🤣

I'm sorry about the people leaving those comments. It's clear that they haven't watched much of the videos if they didn't even know why you go to Malaysia and assumed it was just a random vacation. Not to say that they would get the right to judge you if they had watched the whole video either, but I hope it helps you not take the comments to heart too much that they didn't even bother to listen to you talk and maybe give them an explanation before they wrote that. Hearing about how safe you feel with your relatives is wonderful to hear and it makes me glad that you get to have this experience as a family. Sending you hugs!

I live in a libral part of the US and trying to explain homophobia to my 9 year old, who just doesn't get it, is hard. Her normal in our community is a very accepting environment. The idea that her parents could be jailed or even killed just for being married shocks her. It is definitely a harder conversation to have.

it’s funny to me that someone’s comment said why would you choose malaysia… like she’s literally half malaysian what do you mean 💀💀

I'm queer, married to a trans woman, and we share a child. I love seeing other gay couples with kids out and about traveling, and I deeply appreciate you both taking the time to talk about the anxieties that come with it. I don't care if someone wants to talk trash to me, I'm an adult and I can handle mean words, but I don't want my kid to have to see that or experience homophobia or transphobia because he's with us.

I don't get how so many people are still asking about why you go to malaysia when you explain it in every single video about malaysia. it's like they don't even watch it. and it's usually one of the first things you say too!

We did not talk to our daughter about how some people might not like that she has two Moms until she was 6 or 7. It was not great to have to talk about safety, homophobia, that it is ok to lie in certain situations and what she could do if someone said something unkind to her. We felt so bad, we felt like we were putting an extra burden on her. But we needed to prepare her and give her the tools to process it. We needed to let her know that she could talk to us about her feelings, especially if someone said something to her about us.

Please let claudia ramble! It always comes out so interesting 😊

For my two cents on why Rupert wasn’t commented on as much: it was absolutely the hair. I grew up as a curly blonde hair girl in China and southeast Asia, and every time I went outside without a hat I would be followed, commented on, touched, and photographed. It’s a thing, and one I hope he never has to deal with when he gets older

I am sad for the day Rupert has to think twice about mentioning he has two moms.

im straight and cis (female) but me and my friend (also female) go out shopping and stuff with her 4 yr old son. We have been friends for 20 yrs so i refer to him as my nephew. When we are out, sometimes i notice people giving us dirty looks. I can only assume they think we are a gay couple. She is married lol but the husband doesnt usually go with us. So gay or not, people will think what they wanna think. There was even one time we took the kid to the park and overheard a mother telling her young child not to play with my nephew cause he has 2 mommys......like WTF???!!! Dont push ur homophobia and assumptions on ur kids lady!!!

I feel like everyone questioning why you keep going to Malaysia don't realize Claudia's maternal family is from there.

I wonder how many of the people questioning the decision to visit loving and supportive family in a country with unjust laws are spending Christmases sitting at dinner tables with homophobic relatives they don't speak to every year. Call me what you like but I would rather visit family that loves me.

It's ironic that in same day on my YT feed, you lovely people are discussing Malaysia and homophobia and another YT family on my feed just posted how they moved to Malaysia because people cannot be open about their queerness and they want to "protect" their children. But you folks bring up an excellent point: queer people in Malaysia exist. Their kids are going to have queer friends, queer teachers and employers. They think they're "shielding" their kids but they really aren't. Thank you for your video today!

I'm sorry you felt the need to defend yourselves for wanting to spend time with your own family. You are both such wonderful parents, love watching you❤❤❤

As a queer family in the States, I have very supportive and loving family in an unwelcoming state. I travel to see them with lots of planning to keep us all safe. Would I go there (or recommend it ) other wise, no. But I've have to cut out so many homophobia and transphobic family, I'm going to work with the loving parts even if it's not ideal.

As a first aider in a school, this is *exactly* why I never say to a child I will call Mum and Dad, or even their parents. I go with telling them I need call home, explain why, and say "So you understand why I'm calling home? Who is usually best at answering their phone?" Avoids any upset for those who don't live with their parents for any reason, avoids them having to explain their home situation, and I will call the person who is probably going to answer. It is a secondary school, so by that age they usually have a reasonable idea of who is better at answering the phone, or they can tell me where the caregiver(s) work so I call the office number and then someone will always answer and put me through to whoever I need.

It's absolutely wild to me to see that so many people have commented questioning and critiquing why you would travel to Malaysia and asking you to go to other countries like your family isn't literally Malaysian. Whether a country is homophobic or not does not make the culture any less worthy and important, and if you can travel there safely than that is all that matters. I am half Italian and though my mum passed when I was young and have not much connection to my culture I would without a doubt want to travel to or live in Italy if it was financially possible for me. I'm scared of homophobia and transphobia but the yearning I have for my own culture is too strong. I also find it questionable that people critique you travelling to Malaysia but not others travelling to the United States or other European countries that are becoming increasingly unsafe for LGBT+ people. It shows a very clear double standard and quite honestly reeks of racism to me. I hope your family had a great trip and that you continue visiting as often as you can.

Rupert calling you his adults reminded me that the college/sixth form I went to sent emails to parents/guardians that referred to students as "your young person". Great that they're being inclusive but it still sounds funny.

Twenty years ago, my wife and I were often asked whether we were mother and daughter. We were only 8 years apart. Ouch!

My seven year olds best friend has lesbian parents. When I called for a play date the first time the mother I was speaking two felt the need to warn me they were lesbians and let me decide if I wanted my kid to go to their house. It broke my heart. My sister is trans and married to a woman and I have lots of lgbtq+ friends. We don’t discriminate but it’s super awkward to have to be asked. I wish we lived in a world where people didn’t have to “worry” and ask me if I’m homophobic. Let’s all try to get there for our kids. 🎉

That moment at 17:25 is relatable. Our child was 4 when my wife came out. And she did tell LITERALLY EVERYONE ALL THE TIME that this was her Mama & Mommy, but Mommy used to be Daddy. So yea. 2-4 they will literally ask if you are safe to tell homophobic things to.

Can we just take a moment to appreciate Claudia for being able to buy clothes for Jessica that she likes *and* fit her just by looking? That’s a tall order for most any partner and I was so impressed.

I agree that it's so important for both Claudia and Rupert to be able to visit Malaysia and see family and keep those connections. I don't understand why people feel the need to comment on how you choose to handle your family vacations, even if you didn't have family there. But knowing that you do have wonderful family there it makes no sense for people to suggest you shouldn't go there or that the two of you wouldn't have all 3 of your safety in mind. People visit Dubai and Utah and no one says anything to them about it.

"jessica+claudia" is an anagram of "jus cicada ideals" which doesnt make much sense but it was the only one i could come up with and even if I were a cicada I would indeed still look up to them for as an ideal relationship

It's horrible that Jessica and Claudia have to feel almost fearful about their family unit. They are so sweet and Rupert is going to grow up so accepting.

You guys are my favourite LGBTQ+ RU-vidrs. You're so good at explaining the topic with humour and light-heartedness while still getting the message across❤❤

Aside from the importance of visiting Malaysia for your family specifically, it also feels like visiting fits well with your soft activism ehtos. Like you say a country is made up of individuals and it seems like you'd be more inclined to, when safe, healthy and appropriate, try to build bridges and contribute to a wider cultural change over time. Collaboration rather than isolation style. I've heard another parent on RU-vid recently comment on having her child with her meaning she doesn't have to worry about being approached by men looking for dates etc. Also, unrelated to the video entirely but I love your nail polish and how it matches the detail on your dress!! 💅

I think you guys are really wise keeping homophobia out of the conversation for now. It's enough to talk to kids about being mean, and why we choose to be people who are kind, and be friends with people who are kind. Kids are smart, they get context, and it's so beautiful to let a child grow up with the confidence of normality and strength of love without the worry of the "outer" world. The first 1000 days of a kid's life are so foundational. Keeping them sheltered from the harsher truths of life is important at least for the first while. You can keep growing the skills needed, like empathy, crying openly with hugs if your sad, speaking to an adult if your scared, telling on another kid if they are bullying, being a good friend/good citizen if someone is being left out, making space for everyone and including their differences, seeing who people are not what they do or don't do or can't do, finding ways to find things in common with absolutely everyone or at least showing respect, showing self respect in the world by having your own back. These things are true and necessary for every kid, and also true and helpful for every type of thing, it's kind of the kid version of human rights anyways

im from malaysia and i can say the majority is definitely homophobic. BUT there are many lgbtq+ communities and allies who are accepting, we are just lowkey and cant put ourselves out there. Some people might disagree with lgbtq but are "tolerant", whatever that means. Cities like KL are OK but still, we cant go around parading pride flags or anything like that. Im so sorry if you ever experience homophobes, i wish people are more accepting too. I want to say i love you guys and i love your malaysia videos 💌

Good morning from Texas. Beautiful crisp morning here. You know, when you were talking about when to gave a conversation with Rupert about homophobia, it made me so sad. Children, especially when they are very young like Rupert, are just so accepting of others. They do not care about skin color, identities, or sexual orientation. They just care about whether someone is kind to them or not. It breaks my heart that innocence disappears so quickly. My husband and I are so lucky with our grown sons, one of whom us gay. They have never lost their capacity to look past externals and see the character of a person. I think that while, unfortunately, you will have to gave the discussion with Rupert, as long as you instill in him the understanding that the inner character of someone is far more important than any external feature, then he will be a wonderful adult. I am old enough to be a mother to either and would be so proud if that were the case. Sending all three of you much love.

As somebody who studies hotel management, Claudia's assumptions about the staff of more reputable hotels being more worldly is absolutely correct. In many 4+ stars hotel, you can't get accepted as a porter, for example, unless you speak English and at least one more language fluently. In my country, it's a requirement for all staff in 3+ star hotels to have at least A2 in English. Reception is supposed to have at least B1, if my memory serves me well.

Im so used to the malasya trip that ot me is like the part after vlogmas at your channel. sometimes i forget that new ppl come at the channel and assume things…

never under estimate people’s ability to see what they want to see. my girlfriend was asked out by a guy who she had previously told on multiple occasions that she had a girlfriend, and the guy was absolutely flabbergasted when he found out she was with a woman 😅

I love you all. That anyone has to be careful is the heartbreak. As a woman who has taken long road trips solo, I understand the increased awareness. It becomes second nature and tedious. Keep thriving

I always find it very interesting when people do seem to forget that we all not necessarily adhere to (all) laws or have opinions on them- smoking marihuana is one example where I think national laws absolutely do not tell how the culture perceives it (obviously certain topics unfortunately need more caution for safety reasons depending on the country)

There's a saying in our country: "wife/husband lookalike", meaning when you look like your partner, so your destined to be life partner. The boarding agent story remind me of this. 😂

21:32 totally understandable! It's not a generalization, but usually when there's so many different types of people in one place, there's a level of tolerance and respect that has to be present to keep harmony. If a resort has many cultures, then usually being gay or having a toddler will be more accepted/ignored. I really like rhis advice.

Claud lost track off the subject twice in 3 minutes i love this woman hahaha ‘My adults’ is a good one… boy 2yo TALK. A LOT Do i understand everything? No but they talk

As someone who works with kids and wants to ungender my day-to-day language: child's adult 🤩

Cláudia is so proud of the dress she bought Jessica, but I have the feeling that Jessica herself would not go for this color 😂

It seems like, you'll probably end up having the talk, when he meets others in schools. That's usually a kids first big introduction to a homophobic event. (Assuming all goes well otherwise in y'all's lives and surroundings, which seems like it will)

I've also brought my queer partner with me to Malaysia to share in my heritage, meet my family, and on holiday to resorts in Langkawi! I love all of your Malaysian series so much, and your videos' tips are always helpful and wonderful to watch. Thank you and Claudia both for continuing to make videos, they are a delight!

Havent finished the video but hello im a malaysian thats part of the lgbtq community and when you showed the comments made it rlly makes me sad. Personally i'd love to see more same sex couples walking around even as tourists... yes this place is homophobic as hell but it rlly made me happy you guys visited :') The newer generation is also very much more accepting

Thank you for your insights! I've been to Malaysia with my girlfriend and we had a good time and felt safe. But of course we are white, obviously tourists and look like just two friends most of the time.

I love the term of children's "adults"! It's so inclusive, especially from the point of view of someone genderfluid!

Once, in about 2004, me (at the time 14F), my dad (34M) and my brother (4M) were at a zoo or something and it was assumed I was dad's wife 🤢 and just urgh, people need to stop assuming relationships 😅

It's so ridiculous for people to give you grief about 'spending money in homophobic countries'. There's a difference between laws that exist in a country and the social attitudes that you will experience from person to person. Supporting a malaysian business is not equivalent to supporting the Malaysian government. And funnily enough, even with all the anti-lgbt laws being passed there, I don't hear people being yelled at for going to Florida on vacation or visiting Disney Land.

For your next video: How do you deal with the heat? In the sense of temperature. I have illnesses which get worser with hot climate and with wet cold climate. And still I want to travel.... :(

I really appreciate how much thought and care go into the topics discussed on your channel. I always learn something 😊

As soon as I saw the title I kind of saw where that core question was going haha. It's not that he's too young to understand homophobia - clearly Rupert is a very clever kid and you've taught him a lot of similarly big topics. But I think it makes sense not to make him responsible for, essentially, keeping a secret, for exactly the reasons you stated. It makes me sad that one day he'll have to learn that there are people who would hurt his family just because his mothers are both women. And of course it makes me sad for everyone that you have to live in that world. It does feel strange to realize that homophobic people fret over whether or not their kids learn about gay people, and gay people have to figure out when to explain homophobia to their children. But the difference there is that learning about gay people existing isn't inherently upsetting unless the parents make it so, but learning about homophobia when you've grown up surrounded by love and acceptance is probably... not great-feeling. But your family makes your corner of the world a bit brighter every day, and Rupert is clearly growing into a bright, kind, wonderful human being. He is such a brilliant little bloom grown from the love you two share. And anyone who can't see the beauty in that love is really missing out.

My partner and I are together for 29 years this year and we live in Malaysia. We so far never have any problems cos we live in the city. We are know as sisters or best friends but with my cheeky mom my partner is her unborn child. 😂😂 I haven’t been to the east coast of Malaysia yet.. maybe we will go with some family and friends.

I find my country funnily halfway when it comes to treating us gay people: it all sums up to "nobody probably cares about you": people aren't the most friendly when it actually comes to expressing their feelings but they won't probably come up to you and tell you what they think unprompted. Maybe just give you a weird look.

So early! Love the content. You two are such incredible parents, I've always wondered how to approach the subject of homophobia to young children

My girlfriend and I currently live in the US and are moving to St. Kitts and Nevis in the Caribbean. I found your video very helpful and encouraging. It is very interesting how even laws and policies do not always depict the cultural response to being gay. It is technically illegal in St.Kitts to be gay but we have been told that there are a lot of open and out gay people over there. people haven't been prosecuted for the crime in about a decade. It's weird when sometimes those laws are almost a formality. thank you again for your content! it has been very helpful

You don't need to explain everything to us! Enjoy time with the family. We are happy for you😀

im visiting malaysia with my family in april. I am half malaysian just like Claudia. It will be the first time taking my boyfriend there but i am openly bisexual. When I was last there it surprised me to learn that my mom's friend's son who lives there was gay and learned that there are plenty of lgbt people there even if there are laws against it. it was a good reminder to not let the laws of the country erase the fact that there is lgbt culture, because it still exists. Just differently to our own (im in canada). Also, I saw plenty plenty butch/masc presenting women and as a person who was masc-presenting at the time I felt safe walking around with my buzzed hair and masculine clothing. cant believe all these people were commenting saying not to travel to a country thats homophobic and to disregard the importance of sharing one's culture to the next generation just because of that. i imagine it is helpful to the lgbt community there to expose more people in the country to lgbtq families and help to normalize it. just my two cents

I enjoyed the DVS (descriptive video service) you provided so everyone can appreciate your fashions! 🤣

i love when y’all go “off topic” 😂❤❤❤

I suspect the fact that you're signing with your child probably distracts onlookers from any other thoughts they might be having!

Jessica, your solo ending to this about passing on Claudia's ethnic cultural background to your son was really really touching!

Commenters: ‘why would you ever choose to go to Malaysia???’ Claudia: ‘I’m half Malaysian, so….’

As a hetronormative male, your closing monolog has made me leak out of my eyes and nose. You are lovely and kind, and I don't really know what I want to say, but made me cry, well done.

It's very interesting because I have a very close relationship with my niece and nephews and regularly take them out with my sister. They call me Rara just because its a family nickname, but they also regularly call me mum or mummy accidentally just because I've always co-parented them. So it is relatively common for us to be mistaken for a gay couple with our kids rather than sisters with her kids, and it's always been positive. I am queer so its been actually a really nice experience to know that in the future if I did have kids with a partner I would feel safe with them. This is in Australia.

I don't know why this popped up on my feed today but Im grateful. My 2 children British born white [me] and Chinese Malay. Their father was from Johor. He passed away in 2016. My eldest has been planning to go stay with their Mama for 8-12 months after high school is finished. The law and policy was really making me nervous. My eldest is NB and openly gay. I'm NGL this has given me some really good reassurance. Answered questions I might have had in a very specific way. You know those times you talk about something and then YT starts advertising it to you and you think, omg my phones listening. I swear YT was listening to my conversation with my kiddo this week about their Malaysia plans and then showed me this.

Haha, like that time I took my gf to a wedding as a +1 and less than a month before she says "I think I need a new shirt but I don't want to go shopping... will you buy it for me, pleeease?". So I went and literally bought one that fit me cause we're almost the same size

Another great video. Thoroughly enjoyed watching. You are both sensitive and intelligent. I’m Singaporean Chinese, so can relate to all things Malaysian and have lived in UK. Definitely can relate to all that you both highlighted as I too have a longtime same sex partner, a soulmate whom I do almost everything with, particularly traveling. Such a privilege that with due respect, we will not allow anything or anyone take this joy from us. 😘

My girlfriend and I are from Singapore and haven't felt much homophobia per se or received weird questions from people in Malaysia, but maybe we just stick to our friends and don't talk to random people hahahah. She's also trans but she doesn't worry as much about going to Malaysia as opposed to some Middle Eastern countries even though they're both religious states (she doesn't want to transit through them).

I find “My adults” to be such a whimsical way of referring to one's parents for a child. 😂

Thank you for answering my question! I think your experiences can really help other LGBTQ+ families when travelling. There's so much I wouldn't even know how to find out by googling. I also think that anyone who wants to lambast you for travelling to Malaysia should really take a step back. LGBTQ+ people have every right to travel whereever we want. Of course not every destination is safe (though it sounds like Malaysia is pretty safe if you know where to go), but we shouldn't be expected to restrict our experiences of the world just because of other people's bigotry and biases. I'm queer and would love to visit Malaysia and I don't need to justify it. And neither do you. That pink dress is really gorgeous!

The two of you talking and laughing together always brings me joy! I especially love when you ramble! Total couple goals! ❤

I could've sworn I left a massive comment on here earlier today (with resources/podcasts that are from Malaysians' perspectives), but maybe I panic-closed my window in order to get ready for Chap Goh Mei dinner.

“It was a nice kind of crush” as a cat owner I can relate to not being able to breath but still thinking it’s the best moment

Always love you guys’ perspective on traveling. 🥰

i hope you guys keep going back to malaysia every year or so. i did that with my family, despite a few social taboos, and i value it so much.

I love how Claudia always goes on random tangents in every video she is in - I do exactly the same thing and no one else seems to be able to follow my train of thought but me

The Malay/Chinese clothes are so beautiful and suit Jessica so well too! ❤😊 Great chat! ❤

I enjoyed all the videos you and Claudia sent out! ❤️ I’m glad you all had a good time with Claudia’s family over in Malaysia. 🙂

Thanks so much! I appreciate your videos and throughly enjoy watching you both! I know you don’t control the ads that show up on the videos and viewers may all see different ads but unbelievably Hobby Lobby showed 4 ads to me while watching this video. They are a very anti LGBTQ+ company. I wonder why these ads showed up here.

I cant tell you how many run ins with homophobia ive had going around with my actual sister too, you just cant win lol

Jessica, that outro... you brought a tear to my cold little heart. I'm a grungy childless 30 something that spends more on weed than therapy, but you must have found your way into my algorithm because i'm also trans and neurodivergent as fuck, so glad you did, your content is so heart felt and human, definitely what the world needs more of

My niece has a mama who used to be her Nana and a sister who is her bio mom. She has nieces who used to be her cousins and sisters who used to be her aunts I've always been her Auntie so thats less confusing

you guys look nothing alike, assuming you’re sisters is so crazy. you guys are lovely, glad you’re feeling more comfortable traveling as a family❤️

I suffer chronic migraines so definitely looking forward to the next episode

These types of conversations are hard, I recently had to sit my kid brother down and give him the skinny on racism. As a little black boy some people are going yo see him as a black “man,” despite his age. A threat. It was hard, he didn’t exactly get it.

Greetings from a local Malaysian 😁

I love your videos. Last year I worked at a BIG Silicon Valey company and they were using some of your videos for the i ternal DEI programs. It was cool😊

1. On shopping for SS v OS partners - i actually work with a lady who buys her undies & her husbands undies off of the same rack (different sizes of course). 2. I soo appreciate this channel. I never realized how unintentionally sheltered I was raising my son until i started watching these videos & realizing how important it is to intentionally expose little people to who are different from our immediate family (we don't exactly leave the house much).

I think it’s so sweet how much you clearly adore and respect your partner and child’s culture Jessica. You clearly admire each other so much. Your love and family helps change the world 💗

I love Claudia's tangent! She is often more reserved than Jessica and it was fun to see her being goofy and animated

Based solely on my personal experience and social circle, queer acceptance is getting better in KL - people are making an effort to be more accepting, and in turn it's getting safer for queer individuals to dress themselves how they want. There is definitely still some intense homophobia that lurks, but overall I'm really happy that more and more people are feeling safe enough to dress how they want.