You can tell she knows that he’s abusive and she is still defending him. There are probably many more instances she did not mention on the call.I feel bad for her. You can feel the pain in her voice.
I don't feel bad for her for the simple fact that it's not just her she is subjecting this abuse to. She now has a daughter to think about and she obviously is NOT Thinking about the daughter's safety or what this situation is going to do to her daughter in the future mentality wise. All she cares about is not offending or hurting her husband's feelings when he obviously doesn't give a crap about theirs.
I'm stuck on him continually failing to lock the gate at the top of the stairs for the safety of their toddler that 'he adores.' His not doing so seems like an ongoing sick, passive-aggressive CHOICE by him towards his wife.
My dad Used to not completely close the screen doors to our house leaving the latch undone (any weight pressed on it would open it). We were worried our animals would get out. My mom and me would get up and closed it and he’d constantly go in and out leaving it open. My mom mentioned it once and he blew off. He would expect us to follow his directions to a t, even the parts he would not say or make known (he was a screamer), but would have a fit if ever suggested he could do anything different.
When Taylor says “he goes through these phases…” she is describing the Cycles of Abuse because there are well documented cycles. If anyone might be concerned they could be in this type of relationship, the fact that they are asking themselves that is at least an orange flag if not a red one. I hope they google “cycles of abuse” to learn more and I hope they get help to find clarity as well as confidence in their own ability to provide stability for themself and their family.
I don’t care how “nice” someone is 99% of time ,all it takes is that one time for them to snap off and do real damage to themselves or to someone else.
Shaken baby syndrone is caused by people like this who are supposedly "good" parents who lose their patience, the baby dies or gets permanent brain damage, it's so sad, protect your baby at all costs!
Absolutely! And when a good parent, will realize, “I need to step back and calm down.” Babies and toddlers can be difficult, it’s important to step back and collect yourself. It’s not a crime to get frustrated, but it’s abhorrent to take your frustration out on your children. Take a deep breath, count to five, and remember you’re the adult.
Her husband has extreme anger issues. He either needs to get anger management or she needs to divorce him. Shaking their daughter? Yea he needs to learn self control before it escalates to something worse.
I lived this for 21 years, I was you, Taylor. This type of abuse does not get better. It will break your spirit till you are nothing but a shell of a person. I know how hard it is to get out because the good times are mixed in with the bad. It's how an abuser maintains control and keeps you trapped. Please find one trustworthy person in your life to tell your whole story to, who won't force to get out but who will love you and encourage you till you can escape. You are a strong woman and a great mom. I'm rooting for you x
I was like your daughter. My mom still won't leave. The verbal abuse never stopped for me. Even after I got married. He used to buy me gifts after his outbursts, and I learned to stop accepting those gifts. Please protect you and your daughter. It's extremely hard to find that path. Praying for you and you and your little girl. I finally got away physically and distanced myself and have had to stop speaking to him.
I'm so sorry, I went through the same thing and eventually had to cut ties with my dad too. Thankfully, my mom left after 7 years of emotional and physical abuse, I was 3 at the time. Shortly after, my mom was diagnosed with schizophrenia so we were sent to live with my dad. No one believed that my dad was abusive, as he was charming and loving in front of others. Behind closed doors, he would torture us with mental and physical abuse. He couldn't control his anger and stress and felt that an "I'm sorry, im just stressed from work" would suffice to make it all better. He still feels that way today and tells me hopefully I can look to God to forgive. He acts like he doesn't remember the abuse. It's disgusting.
"He tries so hard" of course he does. Thats how abusers work. They mistreat you, apologize, treat you well again for a short time to regain your trust. Its just manipulation. Please love your baby and yourself enough to get out. This doesn't end well. I would not go to marriage counseling under these circumstances. You'll really see his true colors behind closed doors after you "criticize " him in front of a counselor. God help you if he sees you made this call
This guy sounds just like my ex-boyfriend. He would lose his temper, then be apologetic/loving and a complete angel for a few weeks, and then lose his temper again. Lady, your husband is just trying to "make up" for what he did, but as soon as his "good phase" is up, he will be unsafe again. I hope you can find a way to get you and your child safe 💖 I sounded just like you when I was with him. He would lose his temper at family gatherings, and I was constantly apologizing for him.
Exactly! He knew she was in the house so he had to restrain his reaction to the baby. If they were alone...god knows what has happened to that little girl.
This was the future I saw in myself when I realized I had anger issues that I was allowing to bleed over into my marriage and kids and scared me to DEATH and forced me to make some significant changes
I dont know if that any comfort, but my husband has been to a dozen anger management therapy with a therapist who is into violent anger field (apparently will be ready for group therapy in september) and unfortunately we live in a very impoverish neighboorhood. So, he's not the only angry dude around. For 3 months he has been practice his new tools and yesterday someone who was obviously in a terrible mood, chased him screaming violent and murderous stuff (cause he farted in a pay-up line, and appologied) and instead of just hitting him back or yelling, he ran off and waited until the guy eventually left. So, I think with time dedication to apply the tools and all people with anger issues and violence can be reformed. However, remember this will mean life will test you more than expected (karma). I wish you all the luck in life and being able to break free from whatever has made you this chronically angry!!
I’ve been through this abuse and denial. It took me 25 years of marriage (18 years with children under the roof) to leave and it was the hardest thing, and best thing, I’ve ever done for myself and my three children. I only wish I’d done it sooner.
Do you want to go through this for another 10 years of him getting WORSE? He is supposed to care more for you and your daughter in this stage of life than he EVER will and he will likely be even worse when she is a teenager.
Yea he’s pissed at an innocent child who doesn’t even really talk back or defy parents in scary ways that aren’t preventable. A teenager…he’s going to be abusive and cheat likely. He is scary
he‘s a good husband but... It‘s always like that, the more you hear to more you start to think "damn he is not really a good husband". As john said, she is so used to defend his behavior. I really hope her and her baby girl are alright, it looks like it‘s going to escalate. My heart goes to everybody in this situation. so hearthbreaking
I was with my ex for almost 20 years. His temper gradually got worse but he would never sincerely apologize and definitely did not cry. One episode was when he was going on a bike ride in our rural neighborhood, the neighbors had a Rottweiler that was aggressive and roamed the neighborhood. The dog had come close to attacking several people. This time he came home after about 10 minutes of a bike ride, really angry and muttering, he went to the bedroom and got his gun But what really made me question his state of mind was after he got the gun, he grabbed the hunting knife and left in the car. When he came back he actually told me he stood at the neighbors gate yelling that he would kill the dog and then kill them. Yet that wasn’t the final straw for me. That came when we were camping with friends, he got really drunk, tried to heat up some food (but forgot to turn the generator on) and ended up ripping the microwave out and throwing it out of our trailer
Sounds like my dad. He hides it from others but he CANNOT control himself. And just when I think he literally HAS NO control over it, i find that he hides it when needed, but usually he doesn’t hide it from those who upset him within family.
Agreed. Not sure she knows she has a legal responsibility to protect her child at least. I think she knows she has a moral duty to protect at least her child if not herself. I think this is why she calls. She knows she needs help. I’m sure Deloney’s team will hook her up with resources. I hope so.
I had this with my ex-husband. He had undiagnosed ADHD and Autism. He forgot important things (such as picking our childup from daycare), he got angry at basic requests (rejection sensitivity), blameshifted, told me my views were wrong, was impulsive bordering on wreckless and constantly interrupted me. He used to speak to people very blunt, rude and arrogant. I also defended my ex. He may not know he is abusive but he is. It took me a year of counselling and doing what john said.....writing it all down piece by piece before i realised it was a BAD situation. It was like an awakening.
I have a friend like this and she has diagnosed ADHD coupled with depression and anxiety. Most people (if not all) within our friend group doesn’t enjoy her company. She’s overwhelming and rude. And honestly verbally abusive because she just doesn’t have any control over her emotions. She has good intentions (or maybe not). But she’s no fun to be around and I keep two arms length of a distance from her.
@@amendaalmonte2236 yeah its a lot. And i understand the points about verbal abuse......totally dismissing others opinions, impulsive so says whats on the mind no matter the potential harm to others, interrupting, gaslighting.......it sounds minor. It really does, but little instances built over time are hard. My ex constantly said he never INTENDED to hurt me......but much like no one intends to run someone over, it still hurts
Omg this sounds both like me and my ex how funny. The psychiatrist just diagnosed me with Bipolar 1 or thinks I have it it's so strange you mention all of this wow it' just opens my eyes up wow. My ex isn't this bad though. That's why I think DBT is a great strategy to use for people like this. I keep telling my ex he may have Austism also but was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD. My ex dad has been abusive and so is my ex...same thing with my dad somewhat abusive and I am to. So interesting how we become are parents and I have to tell myself we aren't are parents and we can change.
@@mariahconklin4150 im glad your ex wasnt this bad. My ex husband also sexually explicitly messaged another woman, messaged an ex girlfriend, got fired for sexual harassment (sending porn images to a female coworker) and if that wasnt enough to test my sanity, and despite my forgiveness time and again, he tried to set up a dating profile. Oh and throw in pot misuse, porn and cam girls. It was like he had a secret life that i never joined the dots on until therapy. People tell me its abuse which is still difficult to admit. I hope you are healthy and well these days xx
My brother is this way, he has Aspergers and was very abused, as we all were, by my parents. The way he treats his wife and everyone else while communicating is gross… I’ve seen him feel really bad and watched him break down in apologies. I know he has a heart that cares but he is still abusive… it’s heartbreaking. My parents did us dirty.
Whether this is the first and only time or not, the husband needs to get help immediately and intensely. It's possible that this couple have issues that need to be addressed and worked on together, but none of them excuse what he did. There shouldn't be a marriage if he's unwilling to fo this. Period.
Sad. No matter what John said, she continued to minimize and make excuses. It's so clear by the tone of her voice and word choices that she is not going to do what she needs to do to have an authentic, safe, and happy family life
Fix this now. You and your daughter are in danger of being hurt. This guy is losing control and the first thing you need to do is get out and go somewhere safe. He’s got issues and I would never trust him. He’s fallen and he’s taking you down with him.
Hi Dr. Delony, your show really grew on me. You're the only one I still watch from Ramsey, I'm one of the wimps he offended so I don't mess with him anymore 😊❤
Please seperate... If even temporairely. I understand that it's scary with a two yrs old nonetheless. But even if after seperation he works out on his stuff and you get back together, at least for the time being the child has to come first. My husband has a temper and we had to seperate because it was unsafe for our child. Plus, I think even if you do come back, this will give him the actual motivation and see how serious this is. My husband realized how mess up this was when I refused crying (cause yeah you love your spouse but there are lines not be cross when children are involved!!) for him to move back right away and then even when he did for a whole month he wasnt alone with her cause he had to gain back my trust. That was despite his family (weird but yup) pressuring me to just take him back after a weekend break....(Sometimes, the issues are deep rooted elsewhere to be honest). Today, not only does he do 10hrs a weeks of various therapy plus working full time, but he says thank-you for kickking my butt to the curve or I would not have done all I am doing now. The irony is his family is still mad at me for not moving on as if nothing happen and him cutting ties a little with them to work on stuff he should of a long while ago. However, things are calmer and we communicate without walking on eggshells-bombs no more. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY MY KID IS SAFE! There are time where self-sacrifice no matter the cost is necessary and I believe when it comes to kids it's what must be!! Please if you can't do it for you do it for your kid! Things will get better and you'll be able to think without your body being on red alert all the time! A woman who has been there! ❤
MARRIAGE COUNSELING IS CONTRAINDICATED WHEN ABUSE IS PRESENT. He needs to do the deep inner work required of an abuser. Abuse is NOT a marriage problem. HE is the problem.
I COMMEND THIS WOMAN FOR CALLING. The urge to protect him is strong and she wants to, so her calling is her putting herself into safety. Her gut said to call this. There are a LOT of problems occurring here that hurt and or scared her, if she is freely telling john he’s ‘hot’ but something stops her from being attracted to him that overrides it. This guy reminds me of my very very very explosive father and believe me, mama, it gets worse over time.
She needs to listen to this call on loop for a few days til in soaks in... shes attracted to him physically, probably financially dependent as well but my what a mess. He may be remorseful but remorse isn't change and he'll escalate until he addresses his issues. Btdt
He doesn’t want a child:he wants things the way they were before. I know someone who was told by an MD that she couldn’t have children. Then she got pregnant to her boyfriend, who never wanted kids to begin with. Then they got married. All was okay until he tried to push the child off the bed (3 or 4). That did it. She asked him to leave and said she’d never come after him for child support nor would she ever contact him.
GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!!! I kept saying this throughout the video. Maybe it's not "that bad" right now, but you have a kid to protect. Why wait until the next time you get the door locked and he breaks it down?
She is not going to tell him anything. Sorry to be so blunt. Chances are he was like that before they got married but she married him anyway. She is still protecting the coward. My heart hurts for that baby girl.
The common denominator among all these aggressive men is that they themselves were abused and they also weren’t allowed to show any emotion . It was a culture many were raised in but there is one emotion they can express which is control ,anger ,rage , impatience, etc .
Remember, women can be abusive to their husbands, too. Many of us were raised in abusive homes (verbally, physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive homes). It’s what we know. Then, we find ourselves in abusive relationships as adults.
Most of these women are very afraid to leave, afraid of being killed, afraid of having their children taken by the abuser, often families and society blame the woman for not keeping the husband content, they are also afraid of becoming homeless or an impoverished single parent, they rely on the abuser's income. And our society does not support abusive women - they are supposed to stay and take it for his sake.
No. Women are encouraged to leave all the time if they're unhappy, or find someone better. Women leave marriages at much higher rates then men. Women get custody much more often. So maybe it's your corner of culture, or where this lady is, but the big picture is women get rewarded for divorcing
@@janelleg597women leave at much higher rates because they don’t have to tolerate nonsense like what this caller is going through. This man doesn’t care about his daughter’s life being in danger from falling down the stairs, he doesn’t care about being verbally abusive. I bet you that he’s not interested in getting a divorce…I wonder why.
@@janelleg597you are brainwashed. No woman would leave a decent marriage to raise a child alone or with shared custody. It is a last resort and this narrative is tired and misogynistic. Child support is not a reward. Alimony is very rare.
She threatened him that if it happens again she’s taking the daughter and leaving. She didn’t threaten him because that’s what she’s really going to DO. She’s hoping the threat will change his behavior. People that make threats like that don’t follow through . This guy is going to get away with so much , I can already tell especially about her comment about him being “hot.” So her attraction to her husband is only physical because this guy sounds horrific and at the same time a AN ANGEL compared to my ex. My ex was violent verbally and physically and never said sorry. It was my fault he was unhinged. He never once took responsibility and it only gets WORSE. He raged at our daughters at the age of 6, calling them F******* B****. It’s the ugliest and worse thing to see and know . If a 6 yr old is a F****** b****….. at a loss for words.
If my spouse ever said that to my child I would likely file the next day. My mom called me those names by time I was like 12-13. I can’t imagine being called that at 6.
Omg my dad was so obsessed with us eating all of our food among other things then I became this way I am so happy I'm not married or have kids I don't want to be that way I wouldn't be fit to be a parent and that's okay I enjoy my solitude. Yeah he needs to get help for his anger issues it's helped me. He must get that control at the dinner table from his parents on either his moms side or dads side my father gets it from his dad or when he was alive my dad is a very lonely person though it's quite sad. But I remember when I was a child and it was always, stop biting your nails, put your hair back, stop moving around...my dad was awful when I became an adult I wouldn't allow him to do that to me anymore or gas light me and he's not into my life today nor is my mother emotionally they aren't capable of helping me when a random stranger can that's a bad bad sign. Sad.
my husband does stuff like this. he berates me for slightly disagreeing with him after i give him an opinion that he asked for and demands i give, and then when i try to go to another room to get away he physically forces the door open or barricades me in the room and wont let me leave. then he says i wont take accountability for my disrespect of ignoring him. i dont know what to do anymore
Can you secretly record this? Some states accept secret recording to prove abuse. Also, contact a lawyer. Coercive control is abuse, and some states see it that way. Good luck. This sounds so familiar.
Get your daughter out of this environment now!!!!!! He will hit her if you stay in this home. I know it’s scary, but you HAVE to protect your child. You may love him but this is not safe. This will escalate. He is NOT a good guy.
A tumble down the stairs sometimes works. I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way, because it is dangerous. In this case, it sounds like there’s some work that needs to be done by the parents.
why do women do this?? your kids in danger!!!!! get out !!! i see this so much with mothers who put the kids last in these situations.., shes going to defend him until he hits the kid and its too late. He will pop off after it builds up again. Now she knows hes capable of this , believe it!!! I'm talking from experience of being the child that was not protected and being the adult who learned as a result of this upbringing to stay too long in toxic situations because i proritised understanding the behaviour and forgiving without recognising the harm being done to me. I ve healed now . Ladies stop fairytailing your way through life and hoping for the best. See the world as it is not as you hope it will be and plan and act accordingly.
Anyone that disregards your feelings, especially if it’s about harming your child, would be repulsive, sexually, no matter how hot that person is. That’s normal. That means your body is doing nature’s best to protect you and her. That revulsion about being close to anyone who could harm you is your gut intuition trying to get your attention that you are in danger with him. And so is your daughter. She can’t realize it or protect herself. She’s 2. But you can, Momma. It’s not even a question of what you deserve. It’s a question of what you require. You can require a household safe from violence especially with a child there, and you must. Legally, you must. Some states can put the person in jail who protects the abuser of a child as well as they can the abuser. Heads up.
It’s crazy to me how easily these situations happen. I can think of girlfriends and wives I’ve seen who slowly justify worsening behavior from their male partners. I kind of want to ask John how to help a friend who you see in this situation.
Cycle of abuse, he doesn't have to hit her again to keep her controlled. But he will remind her daily, hourly that he could again. He will again. The abuse will cycle back up, abuse event, honeymoon phase, tension phase, repeat. She needs to take her kid and flee.
Honestly she should file for divorce and full custody of her kid. She keeps denying what he’s doing to them but shows that she’s miserable. I had a manipulative abuser father growing up and they never change. Physically and verbally abusive people really don’t. It’s embedded into their character. I had close friends and acquaintance who never changed and used everyone as their punching bags.
Wait till he has his next nervous breakdown. He will escalate it and then this lady caller will call dr John Delony and say “he is such an amazing guy . He just yells at me in front of our daughter and has hit us only twice in our years of togetherness. My child is safe with him.”
She needs to leave now. Even if it's just temporarily until he's been to enough therapy that he can control himself better. What she is teaching her kid is that this is normal and it's okay to abuse your family. And this is what she will actually search for when she gets older - unless the cycle is broken on time.
I’m divorced with three daughters. There has been times I’ve lost my temper, nothing terrible. I yelled and scared my kids. I learned a lesson. I learned what was important. My point is we have bad days and it sounds like this guy might need help of some sort but I surely don’t think it should be held against him if he’s willing to try.
I agree with you, parenting is the HARDEST thing in the whole world and everyone goes into it not knowing how to navigate their emotions and yours. We cannot expect perfection in our spouses but we should expect to see changes and progress forward. It sounds like this guy is showing some of that? I don’t think it fair to say someone with anger issues with NEVER change and that she needs to leave him. But I’m not a doctor
Unfortunately couples therapy doesn't usually work in cases of abuse. Be has an abuse problem. That has nothing to do with her and it has nothing to do with communication. He needs to go through an abuser program and she needs therapy to heal from him
I'm sorry I have zero respect for women like this. After THAT situation she allowed that man around her daughter?? Just, wow. Makes me feel good reading comments from others that wouldn't tolerate this kind of situation.
The guy may have an undiagnosed mental disorder such as ocd, depression, anxiety etc. as someone who can have a temper, i’m sure he’s got a lot going on upstairs that needs fixing.
@@SarahConnor562In the days of people like Andrew Tate and his following you can never be too sure about those comments. And look at Deested's comment too.
@@SarahConnor562 , of course it's HER DAUGHTER. it's only her who locks the gate. if you do lock the gate, you are a parent. if you don't, you are a KILLER, not a parent. if you are not a parent, then the kid is not your child. first learn how to be a human, how to be a Man, how to be a husband, how to be a parent, a father, then try to call someone Your Child. not vice versa.
Just leave girl. Been there done that …he has an issue with temper and can’t be calm. That’s very hard to control for some people. If so, it may take years……ask yourself if it’s worth you and your daughter putting up with this? Just to see if MAYBE he will change? Girl bye. Leave him. If he changes - let him do it on his own time away from yall
Ugh. She can't admit what he is because she's blinded by the love bombing after the incidents. I hope for the sake of that child that he gets serious help. I don't think she did was John asked her to do, I can't see her being that direct.
So she’s been with him for 8 years and knows he’s got issues so she had a child with him….then he loses patience with the kid, which is totally understandable because 2 year olds are the MOST irritating thing in this planet, and now it’s a big deal? And the mom is making excuses for him so she doesn’t really want to solve the problem and leave ……
My compassion has been dimmed by weak willed people who allow abu$e to hurt their children, family, and friends. They need a rock bottom like other addicts.
So weird, I watched this yesterday on the 21st, here it is again the 22nd? I specifically remember this, it is so important, but am I nuts or is it a repeat?
Does he spend a lot of time online in echo chambers? Those types seem to meltdown whenever anything in their tiny world is challenged. Mostly agreeing with a group you relate to is okay if you are being honest with you values, but if it becomes your identity you will likely not like any of your habits or views facing criticism.
Wow! Dr. John, as well as a lot of you in the comments sure do jump to a lot of conclusions on this based on very little information! Sounds like the guy had a moment that needs correcting, but Holy Sh*t!! You all and Dr. John are completely demonizing this guy and their relationship when you know very little. Dr. John was just leading her on that entire conversation trying to paint this horrible picture. Based off of what?? Some bad communication and the guy having a moment that he obviously knew was a blunder afterwards? Wow. Just wow. You could tell she was trying to take the context back to a fair perspective but Dr. John wouldn’t let it go. NONE OF YOU, my self included, have enough information on this couple’s relationship to be making any kind of worthy judgements and claims. Shame on all of you AND Dr. John.
AVP now being RU-vid / like you always been Kono w how to shoot like that / but when I sent y'all gun / you could e went to the range then / and yeh kick boxing / no GTA strigh bullshit / you can't cmunticat / but here / at a lot of on o stop trying o even ,.. stay in communication / yes ,.. YOU PICKED /
Man nobody grew up with strict parents apparently. We got switches on our butts and Screamed at all the time. But now we have good manners and respect for people.
I don’t agree a 100%. Although children need to be disciplined but plenty of these adults were abusers. The Bible says you have to beat your kids; however, the people at the time were barbaric towards each other. I saw how some of these adults themselves became abusive towards their children yet had good manners when dealing with others. They taught how to be liar , deceiver and abuser with this hypocrisy. For that reason, I refuse to have children because I don’t know how to control my anger.
You're defending an abuser so it's not like you turned out so great from getting beat and screamed at all the time. I had the same but I would never do that to my kids because I know better.
Men…please listen to this call and read the comments here. Let this be a very important lesson here to you. Always remain stoic….never emotional or lose your temper. She admits this happened once….he grabbed his daughter’s leg. His big mistake was not simply walking away … yet pursued them. I’d be curious to find out how many times she’s lost her cool….grabbed her daughter’s arm/hand etc. I’d bet quite a few times. Yet here we are with goobers in the comments and John saying how unsafe she is and how she should essentially leave. That’s right gentlemen…one act that can remotely viewed as aggressive will destroy your life. yet if a woman were to do the exact same it would be met with shrugs and excuses.
Dude if you can’t tell this guy has done something else before. You can hear the shaking in her voice. Also, she says he’s explosive in communication not just one but most times. He’s also grabbed his 2 yr old daughter and shook her in anger. Not to mention repeatedly hitting his wife with the door and not doing safety things like close a gate so a toddler doesn’t go tumbling down stairs... the fact that you’re excusing that or blaming her is disgusting.
One mistake of losing his cool is one thing but like you said he pursued them and that is the scary fact about it. I would agree with you on this if it wasn’t for him pursuing them just as you yourself pointed out.
Goober here if what she says is true yes she should leave if what she says is true. The problem is when there's mole hills Dr. Bolgna goes out of his way to make drama.
If a woman is abusive, that should be reported, too. Some people are man-haters, but that isn't what's happening here. I've known abusive people of both sexes, and it's never okay, no matter who does it. Even if it somehow comes out in counseling that this wife is also abusive, that doesn't make what the husband did a wash, or excusable, or anything else. Each person is completely responsible for what they do, as well as pursuing help, as well as the consequences for refusing help
