It is a complete waste of money and time to repair their marriage. However, if she (the listener) wanted to go after she leaves him, she should for support and guidance.
Marriage counseling isn't always to fix a relationship. It can be for figuring out what's best for the people involved -- if divorce is the way to go, then striving to keep it as civil and amicable as possible can be a goal.
Lynn - RUN. You can’t be vulnerable with someone who lies. I went through financial infidelity and sexual infidelity for 10 years with my ex-husband. RUN. It shreds your spirit and confidence. He’s disrespecting you and discussing you with other women?! RUN. He’s manipulating and gaslighting you. RUN. You deserve to be in light, not surrounded with darkness. Being with a liar makes you lie to yourself. Makes you deny your own intuition. Life on the other side is challenging but so lovely. RUN
It really does! People often think laughter is just because something is funny. The truth is you laugh for several reasons, including when you are VERY uncomfortable
@@elainenilsson5472 well, that’s YOU. Many people DO laugh when they feel uncertain, extremely distressed, and so on. It’s an attempt to ameliorate and appease.
@GameChanger597 well not necessarily. A relationship with a bad person like that could also include policing where you go, what you can do, who you can talk to or text etc. The single person can literally go anywhere without being harassed, guilt tripped, beat up, yelled at etc. Which means, they can hang out with friends, volunteer to babysit friend's kids, party, just decide to go walking in the mall, decide to take a class, paint etc...one only needs to be creative. So it's not exactly the same
I had the same thing happened to me after 25 years of marriage. He is working on the lady's house having an affair with her. And I told her she could have him.
@@fairlyenjoyable I'm wondering if it's because of the exciting, alive feeling you get when you meet someone. If married people would continue to court and date each other all thru the marriage, they would have that alive feeling right at home where it should be.
A farm and new life out of the black hole prison he was in... I'm rooting for him! Her voice is awful and I pity him having to hear that first thing in the morning....
I knew a man through a sports group I was a part of who cheated on his wife of three children physically whilst his wife was pregnant with the third. I was so angry for the way he treated his wife. I honestly lost faith in good men at that point and he seemed like such a great guy in conversation. Never ever think you know somebody even when you know them. Real talk
100%!!! Also Betrayers think they know the Affair Partner because she seems so ‘nice’ but she may not be as sweet as she seems if she is willing to disrespect marriage and participate in cheating. People who seem so great on the outside can cheat. If they do it WITH you they can do it TO you.
@@Judi4Him4EverMost of the time, the partner being cheated on has been systematically broken, and they are, in ways, dependent on the cheating partner. So being told the truth doesn't trigger them to leave. It is usually a LONG process. I also got something from my ex- HPV. I thank God that is all I got, because he is such a garbage person, I can't believe that was it. I am sorry for what you are having to deal with due to a douche bag.
Uhh...an emotional affair is definitely a dealbreaker. That felt like when people say "he slept with her but at least he's not in love with her," but the opposite! No thank you lol. I'd gracefully take myself out of that narrative.
It's ramped, almost everyone I know has been used this was and many other ways. Narcissist people just lie and take advantage. They take 90 percent and give 10 percent, just enough to keep you around. Best to be single
Exactly. Let the knife fall already and pick up the pieces. The long-term tension will end in a split second. She will make decisions instead of being acted upon. He’s been treating her like a mushroom: keeping her in the dark and feeding her 🐂💩
Easy to say. Being 17 when you get together, kids, house, property and emotional attachment is serious, taking kids and starting a new life is easy to say and hard to do. Mutual friends and families are involved and people DO take sides
My heart breaks for this caller. Had to leave a 14 year marriage after being mislead for years and eventually you just can’t ignore it anymore. You deserve better for yourself and your kids 💜
He shared with the lady her insecurities? That guy has zero respect for her!! He stepped over the line by even texting with anyone!!! Unbelievable!! I would leave !!! The 60 grand is spent on women throughout all these years . This guy thinks she’s stupid . He’s only going to counseling to shut her up so he doesn’t have to deal with a divorce.
I’m sure he was talking to the lady about his wife’s insecurities as a way to gauge the feelings of the lady for him… To start opening up intimate dialogue with her…
Girl he has NO respect for you or your children. They don’t change. Make an exit plan. I’ve been here, it gets better and one day you’ll look back and not believe you put up with it.❤
You can vet your *ss off, pick a ‘good’ guy that everyone knows would never be the cheating type, and STILL get cheated on. I was never this cynical until it happened to me. You could have a perfectly good guy who gets on the slippery slope to an affair and he drops his previously held values & becomes someone you don’t even recognize anymore. It’s horrible and devastating that ‘vetting’ is no guarantee. Even the ‘nice’ guys cheat! If I could do it all over again I would take notice when my intuition was trying to get my attention. I wouldn’t be giving the benefit of the doubt. That’s just pure insanity! I would have gone to his office to deliver some food when he was ‘working late.’ I would have asked more questions and had my eyes wide open. I turned my back on it ALL with blind trust because I never thought it could happen to us. I thought we were a team & I assumed he had my back but instead I got stabbed in the back! Unfortunately, even ‘good’ guys can hide their true selves extremely well and do things you would NEVER expect. Vetting your man is a great idea but is definitely no guarantee against cheating.
Surprised Dr. John doesn't suspect that it's not emotional and he's covering up his sexual affair. You would think with his experience he could figure it out.
@@GameChanger597he didn't say it's not infidelity said it may not be a deal-breaker or it's not a deal-breaker. He fastens himself a Christian and biblically in emotional affair not constitute
He's at the other woman's house and "emotional " they're having an affair. Someone who emotionally abandoned you when you get sick, is NOT someone who loves you
Sounds like my ex, he didn't pay his mortgage for a year, said he spent all his money on clothes, shoes, etc. Confessed after the year of not paying all panicked saying that he was going to lose the house.... he claimed he was depressed and thinks I'm stupid enough to believe him. I was this woman. I let him get away with it for years. I finally said goodbye, good riddance!!! Keep moving lady, the grass IS greener on the other side.
@@martymcfly88mph35 There isn't a standard. Depends on the two people in the relationship. As an example, some people think flirting is innocent. Some don't. I think the line is drawn where you know your partner would not be ok with it.
@@nina4941If he invested that much financially, it’s WAY more than just talking. His heart was likely invested, his wallet was invested & it follows that therefore his d*ck would be invested. When men are getting validation and sex on the side they literally lose their MINDS & do the most destructive stuff. The price of infidelity is WAY higher in the end than they usually realize. It’s the most costly thing they will ever do and the bill comes due when they croak and meet their Maker.
@@melissabrock4114 a highly contagious and deadly disease. Quarantine is necessary. Can’t be in close proximity to ppl who have these kind of destructive patterns.
In the past few months, I’ve heard Dr. John say a few times that emotional infidelity is not a “marriage deal-breaker, not a dating deal-breaker”, they “happen all the time”, “we sit down and work it out.” This doesn’t sit right with me. There are soooo many choices that are made to get into an emotional affair. So many decisions: to share, to linger, to disclose…and each time, the choice is also made to push the partner / spouse away. I’m curious why he holds this perspective. He says it’s not minimizing, but it kind-of feels minimizing.
Completely agree. Maybe I have too much pride, but if you're with Me, you're with ME. If you're with someone else (emotionally or physically) have fun with Them because you're not really With me and I'm gone. Nor will I chase them down, nor humiliate myself by trying to hold on to someone who wants to be with someone else. Every time you make a choice to water the grass in another yard, and not water your own, you're investing your time, energy, and care into something else. Why are you surprised when your own lawn is suffering? And that IS very much a "deal breaker". It is the ultimate "deal breaker". I don't know where his head is in this one, and as much as I respect him, I'm not following this advice. Ever.
Unless you are or have been married and been through the junk that leads to emotional affairs, you cannot understand what causes people to do it. For men, I imagine it is a lack of physical intimacy and for women, likely a lack of emotional connection. This does not justify emotional affairs, but when they do happen and both parties can work on their relationship instead of tearing down a family unit... it is the best thing that can occur. I guarantee you than many if not most marriages go through some form of struggle in this way. No marriage is perfect and I do believe working through this is way better than just throwing stones at the guilty party and breaking the family up.
@@traetrae11 I think you are completely misunderstanding my point. You are picking up a stone to throw at a person in order to fix blame. I am in no way suggesting anyone is at fault or is not at fault. I am saying that AFTER the situation occurs a choice must be made. I am saying that breaking up a family unit (where children are involved) is not an immediate knee jerk reaction. There are reasons why people cheat. There are women who withhold physical intimacy from their husbands and expect them to stay faithful for the duration of their natural lives. You want to stone those women? Cmon now. I simply said there are reasons and if you can work those reasons out, the marriage can be saved. No one needs to walk away from a marriage due to one F up- Serial cheating... sure. But one indiscretion? Yep, break up the family unit and ruin those kids lives forever. Divorce is extremely devastating for children.
Why would this woman call for advice if she doesn't want to tell her story or hear the advice. One cannot move forward if they are embarrassed to speak about the issue, especially on a celebrity phone show. ???
This is why my girls will be prepared to take care of themselves with a career of their own. I do not want them being a SAHM because their husband will probably break their heart some day like they all do and they'll feel stuck staying in the marriage because they have no means of supporting themselves. Not my girls!
I know a woman who is in this situation but she can't leave because she would have more to lose. I blame her in a way for being stuck because she had all the opportunities to learn skills and at least establish a level of education but she assumed a traditional role fully which is wonderful and something not wrong to aspire to, but only with the right man who will support you. Her husband gives her no money and doesn't pay for anything other than the mortgage. So she has to do odd jobs here and there... It's hard to be a traditional woman in a society where many modern men don't provide in the way that supports a family or even aspires to that. Sigh...
May I add she paid the deposit for the house too... and he sends money to his ex wife and 25 year child but not their own child...madness really and sad.
As Dr. John says get an itemized list on that debt and work from there. If he was honest and you feel you can work on this ok. But if there is dishonesty there still she needs to make a decision to walk away. He's bad with the finances, he's committing infidelity. I personally would divorce
I watch this videos as kinda of a mental therapy. Both of my parents did this and the lies are so transparent now that I'm older. It's just ruins relationships when you lie
Don't waste your life on this guy. Until he is ready to man up and be transparent, you have access to everything at all times. Without him willing to give you 100% access, you can never heal the relationship. You deserve someone who owns their truth and is all in for you. Time to kick him to the curb. He has crossed the line.
She should definitely get the credit card receipts /statements. If it’s all business related then she can overcome the distrust most likely but if it has hotels, flowers, gambling etc then she would have her answer there too
@@emilylabo7053 I was thinking the same thing, but I doubt her name is on the credit cards. That would be my first request to him, which I imagine he would refuse. That would speak volumes.
Leave him or kick him out. Don't keep asking questions. Don't beg for anything. He has disrespected you and only cares about himself. Sounds like a covert narc. My ex husband did that to me. It was 19 years together in total and two kids here. He wouldn't give me straight answers and gaslit me too when I started getting a hint of something going on with another woman. He also talked to other women about how broken I was when he was off doing his own thing, like he got off on it, but he wouldn't talk to ME about how I was feeling. Going behind your back and roping other people in like that is called triangulation. It's a narcissistic tactic. He dragged his feet on filing divorce, then finally did it, moved out, then came back and still ended up doing more of the same types of abuse he did before. In the end I had to divorce him. It never got better. It hurts to give up half your life and to have your kids go through that, but you can't let this rip you apart or for your kids to watch it happen. Take care of yourself and your kids. Only take him back if he gets serious help and shows long term changes. Don't just believe his sweet words and promises to be better. Hugs to you. I've totally been there.
You are not wrong.... it happened to me. Only, I did trust until I found a single thread. I continue to pull on it and the whole marriage unraveled. Financial, sexual, and emotional infidelity. You can heal, but only if everyone comes clean and works through it together.
The 60k debt had a red flag...my ex was a gambling addict. Compulsive lying... he has a story for everything...and a reason for his debt without any proof. She isn't digging enough...she owes it to herself.
Debt, insecurity, sharing personal info outside of the marriage, "emotional affairs", not looking good. She's not angry enough yet to say enough, is enough.
I am so sick of seeing all of these videos of people committing adultery and their partners ask for advice on how to forgive them. If a person is so disgusting that they would commit any kind of adultery, they need to be thrown in the garbage. For once I would love to hear somebody call in to ask Dr. Delony about how to not laugh at their ex during the divorce.
Because adultery and divorce isn’t funny and men cheat. It sucks when you have invested 20+ years towards something together only to discover that the other half has stolen it.
@@sarahalderman3126 99.9900% of the time you know what´s happening or at least you see a red flag after red flag after red flag ' and you CHOOSE to ignore it for thousands of times and then act surprised. You knew it was happening but chose to ignore it because you weren´t brave enough to face it.
@@anyagee9467 sure for some people may be true however for many people that simply is not the case. For example most decent people will not just assume their spouse is cheating or being financially unfaithful for example as to be in a healthy relationship each has to actually trust in their spouse. So I guess if you are a distrustful person or have experienced a narcissistic relationship than I suppose you may see the signs however if you’re just a decent person and have not experienced abuse like this before you are extremely unlikely to see this initially.
@@sarahalderman3126 No, most people get red flags and hide behind " Oh, I'm so trustful and pure, I didn't see it coming" - yes you did. You used being trustful as an excuse.
The marriage has been over for years. She doesn't know what life is like without him. So she's afraid to let go of the crutch, even if it is wobbly and rapidly deteriorating.
He has a second life with this woman. 60 k in DEBT?! Lying about the affair? Yeah, no. I would be outie. He thinks she will not leave and cannot leave and will continue to treat her like dirt.
When he was texting the single homeowner he was just scoping her out to see if she would cross the moral boundaries with him. He’s a liar and a cheater and she needs to find the truth come hell or high water. So glad John validated her and told her she wasn’t crazy because people like her husband will manipulate her so much and have her thinking she is. She needs therapy of her own.
She should be opening every bill that comes in. She has been fine with being lied to. This poor woman has been a doormat for years. She still wants to stay with him--so pathetic
There is a point though where she is no longer a victim and simply becomes an enabler. When someone shows themselves, believe them the first time. She's in denial.
All these lades in the comments having gone through this, myself included. And we wonder why women dont trust men. Why feminism exists, why so many choose to stay single. Because of BS like this
This guy dated my niece after a divorce. He had 4 kids that lived with him and he was totally supporting his kids and paying off debt which he said was from his wife, including taxes she had not filed after they separated. My niece continued to date him for 5 years and she paid for everything, because she believed he was working hard to pay for back debts. After all the years she figured out that he would have his now adult kids living with him forever and that she would be paying for everything forever. He had also borrowed a lot of money from her and never paid it back. People can be so deceiving.
I had this exact thing. Everything he spent money on was house hold goods. Yeah, for two house holds. Ours and hers. Hang onto your hat because things are about to get very rocky.
@@strnglhld He insisted on divorce so I filed and then he died. So, I'm a widow but because he had already moved out and established another address and was told to take his debt, the debt died when he died but all the retirement came to me. So, I made out financially but took a few years to get over it mentally.
Same. Found out he had a girlfriend and owed several ppl money including his parents. Everyone came after me so I filed for divorce. Now his girlfriend is gone and he has fraud charges filed on him. My life is so much better and peaceful now. 😌
I remember a call not too long ago where a husband called over his wife spending $15-25k without his knowledge and the msg was basically "Just support her. She's trying to get better." Solution for both is to leave.
I spent 22 years in similar thing but much much more and I look back now as an older person at all the constant flags I didn't see. You need to be a detective because there is tons you missed or didn't see. I'm sorry
Having an emotional relationship, texting, etc...is definitely a deal breaker for me. I couldn't be with my husband anymore and I refuse to be a choice.
My ex-husband lost about the same amount of money. To this day he won't tell me where it was spent. He just won't. I didn't get any feeling that he was seeing someone at the time and now I still don't get that sense either. I've been cheated on before in another relationship and at some point these people always get caught. So far nothing points to him cheating. He must be the best lying SOB. But it doesn't matter anyway because I divorced his ass.
If he is really not having an affair with his female client but he is talking about his wife's insecurities with her, he is very unprofessional and this could be one of the reasons that he got laid off and can't succeed at having his own business
Same, amidst cheating, abuse, gaslighting, you name it.... proved the debts were his on paper and I don’t have to pay for them after the divorce. The debt is his and you can prove adultery. Get a lawyer.
I’m amazed at the lies people will put up with. When John says something she willingly admits to already knowing that thing. What does a relationship like this give you that’s worth what you’re paying?
First, she should get checked for a STD immediately ! Second, she should begin to separate herself from him financially ! Any joint accounts need to be closed and she needs to have her own accounts so her credit is not ruined by him ! She has every right to see his credit card statements !! Third, I have seen this type of situation with someone else, and if he initially lied to her about the finances/money, he will do it again. One can only hope therapy will help them, however, I just do not see this working out. Clearly, he is NOT trustworthy, in multiple realms. Fourth, she needs to put herself and children first, and strategize on how to remove herself from the marriage. Once someone lies, and it is not dealt with properly, it will continue, not to mention, showing someone else her text messages. Clearly, he has no respect for her or his children. Last, if she has parents/siblings, close friends, she needs support, if she decides to leave. Good luck ! 💪
All of the things John is telling her to request from her husband are impossible. It's not going to happen. Both the husband and Lynn are so deeply rooted in their poor patterns that it will be exhausting trying to undo them and put the marriage on track. John doesn't want to tell her but she just needs individual therapy and to seek a divorce.
I feel terrible for this woman. I really think this guy is generally deceptive, so of course she would be questioning everything. I would submit that potential gambling debt might be one of the biggest issues. If this guy wants to save his marriage, not only does he have to come clean about everything, but he has to lay everything out on the table, as well as a plan to fix it. They also need counseling, because he either needs a lot of help dealing with communication, planning, and being a True partner, or else he is allergic to honesty, in which case he might not be interested particularly in getting better. I am very afraid that he would rather live however he wants, without consequences. He doesn't seem to think that his wife being devastated is a consequence. We'll see. I like being wrong.
What did he spent that money on? "He started a side business. Not my fault at all- and I never looked into about how bills were getting paid between when HE WAS LAID OFF IN 2016 AND WHEN I FOUND IT IN 2020.....We still had gas, food- and we were still going out...". "Just not sure where it all went".
My girlfriend's husband used debuts to pay employees and bring home cash when his business wasn't going well. There weren't "things." She thought the business was fine. Lots of debt but nothing to sell.
This lady deserves much much better..he’s going off the rails..if he’s lying and cheating then dump him..he’s never gonna change and can’t be trusted 😮
This is the thing… you loose your sovereignty as an individual when you get married, and you put your heart and soul into another person that you can’t even think and feel for yourself…. And if you do, you’re the crazy one! I’d start slowly packing my things.. she’s in denial. If she can only get her hands on those credit card account statements and see where all his spending is going!
