You are not just the stepdad you are the dad plain and simple. There many men who would have ran away years ago and you didn't. You are the father Andy was meant to have. God bless you all.
His disclaimer shows he actually cares more about his child than views. He could have easily shown clips of the "stand off" but No. They dont want the views of "looky loos" and people who kist want to see our boy Andy in distressed.... Love this family...
Glad there's no footage of Andy's meltdown. Sad there's no footage of Andy. Also sad that there are people who watch videos for the purpose of seeing another human being in such acute distress. Also sad that society is so quick to see abuse from a step parent, but so reluctant to see it in a biological parent - my experience is that a biological parent can pretty much get away with doing anything to a child.
You are his dad, may not be biological, but you are his dad. Many men would’ve ran away years before but you’d didn’t. You are Andys dad that he was meant to have.
As a guy with autism I am the same always playing with things but it just so I know how they work but It kind of gets eazyer with age but you guys are amazing to stick by him
You guys are amazing. Kev you’re his dad. The only one he knows. Don’t feel bad for hugging or doing whatever you need to help him. I truly believe you have his best interest at heart. Anna is just a mom. A great mom. The kind of mom most kids wish they could have. Love you all hope Andy is much better. 👍🏻❤️
You should probably check through the laptop and Ipad, just to see if there is anything that might be bothering Andy, or that might be something he isn't supposed to be watching/doing besides the settings?
@@bdavidson5429 I do understand what you're saying but Andy is very techsavy and say for example the brightest is different than normal and Kev and Anna realise this by going on it whilst he's asleep or at school and change the brightest to the normal setting. Andy might get upset that it's different and he's not the one that changed it back
Holly Reay Has he ever had a meltdown or been bothered if Kev or Anna touched his gadgets? If hey do it when he’s at school or upstairs he I doubt he’d realise.
Hope your all recovering from it well. I really admire you for not showing us any of Andy today. A lot of people might have showed it for views. Well done for being bloody decent human beings.
I could see your distress there talking about handling the situation Kev, from what I've learned, watching your channel, about autism, it seems to me you did the right thing absolutely, all you could do in the chaos, not just in the room but in your head, was keep Andy safe and Andy stayed safe. You and Anna are so fab together, not just with the care of your family but with the care of each other. Props to you both.
Hug that boy, Kev! I bet if you tried to be the comforting one when Anna wasn’t around, it would start to feel less awkward. Even if it feels awkward to you, it’d probably help Andy when he’s like that to just be comforted. Understand your position, but I think you could do it!
Great decision not to put the meltdown in the video. There are some horrible people out there who just like to see others in distress. I hope Andy is ok, and it sounds like you did a great job dealing with the situation!
You are an awesome dad. Appreciate your channel so much. Love your whole family. God bless. I cried with just the description of the events. You may never know how much you are loved and needed by Andy but please never doubt it.
Seeing Andy in distress would feel like watching somebody in agony from a broken leg, they are both equally disturbing to see for me. :( love and support
Just remember one bad day does not matter ! His come so far in the last 12 months maybe he is just trying to process it along with those teenage hormones. It can be traumatic for both parties involved but I think you did the right thing letting him just have his moment then taking him out to calm down :) you both do a great job don’t get upset over a meltdown.
Some people have double sided pictures for privileges and one side will be the same as the other but crossed out and you can put them up when the picture is not crossed out it is available and if it is than it is not available. For instance a laptop 💻 men’s they can have it but💻🚫 men’s they can’t have it. Like a visual reminder👍
That's a really good idea. If they had a board up with several cards then they can show which stuff he can do and which he can't do or could have a step-by-step thing with a picture of chores then a picture of the laptop.
Sounds like you guys dealt with the situation at hand brilliantly. In the past i know what it feels like to just want to get out and escape when things are too much. Hope your all ok now x
I've been supporting them for around 2 years now and Andy has improved massively but I'm almost 12 and I look about 6 so that's why I thought but like you said Amy is very mature and is a great sister
For me growing up people blamed themselves for the behaviours, and saw me as a huge issue just to get rid of. Employers, mum, dad, and people I lived with.
You guys are such good parents❤️ Kevin dealing with the situation as best he could as well as still being strict and not giving him what he wants just because of the meltdown, it will teach Andy not to act spoilt and have you under his thumb as he will know meltdowns won't teach him that he can get what he wants. Aswell as Anna coming in from a long day at uni to switching straight to mum mode and helping Andy calm down ☺️so proud of you guys, you are doing great and I'm sure andys going to grow up into such an amazing guy 💕
: : my kiddos meltdowns can be like that. You are right as a parent it is incredibly hard to watch your child go through that and also keep both of you safe! : :
Ya'll just blow my mind, you are so wonderful with Andy.... and SO insightful as to your different "roles" as parents and how Andy works best with you when those roles are carefully adhered to. I don't know if I've ever seen a stepfather with such love, devotion, and determination as you, Kevin. Andy is such a dear soul... we all love him, and the rest of the family too. Thank you for sharing your life with us, with all its ups and downs.
I completely understand your thought process around the hug thing, you are right and as you were talking about the meltdown my first thought as a dad is go over and grab/hug him but your a 6ft+ BIG man. Would have been completely different end result if Anna had been there. I know you don't care about comments but hey every child is different and no-one can tell you how to rightly handle a situation like that, at least he didn't hurt himself and he is better and calmer now.
Tough day, sounds like everything just added up. Glad to hear things were resolved, hopefully he is ok tomorrow. I’m always absolutely exhausted after a meltdown and can sleep for hours and tend to be drained the following day, might be worth letting school know incase he is a bit off. Awesome parents once again, Anna is an incredible mum, Andy is so fortunate to have you both.
Sending extra love. Meltdowns can be hard. My son had one the other week. He hadn't had one in a long time. He ended up punching a hole in the bathroom door, slammed his plate down and broke it, punched me in the leg, slammed his head into the metal head board, and repeatedly slams his knee down on the wood floor. It can be extremely draining.
It's always really sad to see Andy in this way. Last year he was on the verge of collecting his student of the year award and this year, having the biggest meltdown ever. I hope he is alright and feeling better, the real superstar is yourself Kevin and Anna, who have to pick up the pieces and throw them back in to make it better for all of you. You both deserve a medal and I'm so so proud of you both 👍👍
I understand the whole part with the hugs and squeezing to hard. I work with a child that requires that durring a meltdown and i am hefty person and i am always afraid to hurt him but after sometime i found that it really does work and you just need to do it. I have dealt with the meltdowns a lot..it takes a a strong minded person to deal with a meltdown. And at time times 45 mins into them i need to take a min to myself and step back and figure out how else to go about it. Keep up the great work :)
Could you get like a really thick rubber laptop case in case he does throw it again so it doesn’t break ? 💙 hugging does always help though. Even if he’s still pushing and fighting to get away just hug him and he will eventually stop. I’m autistic too and this always works for me. 💘💘
Oh dear Kev what a horrific experience. Being Autistic myself I have had meltdowns, lost the plot and raged. Hope you and Dave are okay. You remind me of my parents, to begin with they didn't know what to do when I went into Meltdown and it caused a lot of distress and confusion. Now they know to leave me alone and eventually comfort me and talk to me. Sorry Kev I had to laugh at "Liquid holders"
😢 Glad Andy is ok now.... These meltdowns are not pretty. Our Shay usually takes off his headset and snaps it. We've even had him pick up his PS4 and fling it across the room. Once he even threw it in the bath. The downside is the distress he displays is scary and upsetting for all concerned. NOT something you want to watch I can assure you. When he is 'on one' there is no reaching him He is a skinny boy but as strong as an ox. He has to let it out. All we can do is keep him as safe as possible until he eventually calms down...The upside, if there is one, is ALL his tech stuff is insured.
I rarely have meltdowns but i think i had one last year with my friend Lisa when i went to visit her and she lives a little far from me. She has worked with kids with all types of disabilities, she does or did do overnight stays at a respite place. Its just her place was a bit different to last time i saw it, a bit messy and i couldnt get to spare bedroom properly. The battery was low on her smoke alarm so that was beeping every minute. Im always a little anxious being away from home for even a few hours and its worse when things dont go to plan.
I also feel a little bad because i am in my twenties and it was akin to having a 2 year old tantrum. I just had all these emotions bombarding me and i had to just let it out.
Oh no sorry to hear about young Andy having a meltdown hope he is ok as an autistic person myself I know what a meltdown is like it's not a nice experience to have one send him a big hug from me
Why not just make it log into kiosk mode that blocks any other app for opening other than one that you preset Intended for digital displays but we'll work because it can block anything else but whatever browser
Well done kev! you did the right thing and the upmost best you could. You guys are the ultimate team for andy and i can see he loves you both a whole damn lot
The weird thing is, none of you know me, yet for a couple of years I have looked in on you all and for someone who is not a nosey person at all, I love to see what you all get up too. I feel so intrusive commenting on this video, yet I just want to say I think you are all ace. I wish you didnt have to go through the bad times, but i guess we all have to go through times that we can do nothing about. The frustrations of being a teenager, not knowing his strength or being able to communicate exactly what is wrong, ( my laptop settings drive me insane), must just have got on top of him. and everyone needs a hug sometimes... Take Care, You are fab parents and a lovely family, Hope today has been a better day.
ive recently had a similarly shaped beard. it wasnt a good shout. i would reccomend a trimm - although obviously do what you want. also: its a pain in the a** to get rid of a beard like that. my opinion is get rid of the beard and look dapper. i love you guys and think you are doing such a great job in everything you do within the autistic realm. i have a lot of evperience with these issues. dont listen to me about anyything (but have a shave). It feels so good.
im so sorry yall had that experience, it sounds like it was awful for everyone involved, including poor old dave :( but on a better note, its awesome that andy asked to go somewhere afterwards. thats one of the best ways for me to cope after a meltdown (i usually go to the pet store or to get ice cream or french fries). its good he's figured out his own coping mechanisms and is requesting them. and as far as andy 'running the house', yall are pretty lenient parents but its bc andy hasn't given yall a reason to not be. all 3 of your kids are so well behaved, you dont have to have a whole lot of rules
One of my long running friends asked what to do if I have a meltdown. This is what I told her. Stay close enough that we can see and hear each other, but no closer. Don't try to touch me. Avoid talking to me where possible. If there's something you think I might want or need, like a jumper or a glass of water or something to eat, then get it, and put it down near me, where I can get it if I want to, without having to go past anyone. Especially avoid asking me too many questions, because my brain is already far too full. Other than that, it's just a case of stay with me and wait for me to calm down and/or start talking to you. Everyone is different, but maybe there's something you can take from this to make managing Andy's meltdowns easier for him and you.
With regards to the laptop have you thought about putting remote control program such as TeamViewer to monitor usage and close any programs he clicks on that he shouldn't be on?
Kevin I feel for you. It is so hard when dealing with a major meltdown. There is nothing that you can do except keep yourself safe and try to keep them safe also. Andy had a rough day but hopefully things will get back to normal soon.
I could see the look on your faces....been in that position many a time in the respite home I worked in....we pick ourselves up and keep going :) Edit: So glad you were laughing at the end of the video, It's almost like you needed to share it, I saw you both getting happier and happier. Andy, don't blame yourself for this chin up and move forward!
Yes, a young lad I worked with who had autism had a "blue blankey" he called it, it was heavy af, and it took over a year to build bonds with him as he hated male staff, it got to the point he wanted me to help him with everything from getting ready in the mornings to role playing games, drawing and other things. It felt so awesome breaking down those barriers and teaching him not all males are see you next tuesdays...
Glad to see that you are respecting Andys privacy and not including footage of what has obviously been a difficult day for him. Hope tomorrow is a better day for all
Well done 👍 guys for sharing your experience with us I completely understand what you are going though as my teenage son has meltdowns on daily basis it is hard to deal with sometimes but you get on with it☺️ as best you possibly can .
Maybe it’s because Andy feels left out because he cannot make his own decisions unlike his peers who can do so and because of that , Andy could have picked up on it 🤔 it could be anything really
Kev how do you as autism parents differentiate between Meltdown from stressful situations or Being Naughty. In my childhood if i threw a table I'd have hell to pay
+The Chapman Family Does Andy have a fear of death? Maybe his anxiety kicked in and he believed he was going to die? Maybe it could be linked with the death of his Nan (Anna’s mum) and believed the same would happen to him and he wouldn’t see his mum and dad again. Maybe him being hit on the bus could’ve brought back memories of when he was previously attacked on the bus. Therefore, like you said the “laptop incident” was the final straw that broke the camels back. The saddest thing about being a parent with an autistic child is they can never tell you how they are feeling and why he had his meltdown. Really hope Andy has recovered now and settled down. Kevin, you done extremely well and hardly any of us could do the same thing, you should be proud of yourself. Hope Dave is ok as well.
Wouldn't say he has a fear of death he doesn't quite understand death yet his anxiety seems more rooted in fear of the unfamiliar when he's somewhere he's never been before or his routine gets disrupted
I really empathise with Andy with the "wanting to go back to nottingham home".. I am autistic too and as a kid I had alot of meltdowns and the change of moving house had made me really upset. You guys are amazing parents 💕
It means that Andy doesn't process pain correctly therefore he cant feel pain. During a flight or flight mode (which andy entered), adrenaline is released into the bloodstream which increases heart rate and increases pain threshold.
Fun fact autistic people have abnormal pain tolerances many of them have high pain tolerance so things that would make atypical people flinch, wince and cry they tend to under react to or don't react at all
If you are interested I can help you. Please let me know. I would love to help you all have more peace of mind. I've been through it and was featured on a one hour special on television called Autism, A Success Story.
