Being able to identify and separate from the feeling really help relieve the shame because it’s like oh that’s not me that just something I’m going through. What a relief.
I realized how far I've come in addressing my FA tendencies when a recent situation where someone said something that would usually be very triggering did not flood me with the desire to run immediately 🎉
This is so helpful in telling me how to handle my emotional triggers. My trigger is so fast though my exhusband would say it was lucky I didn’t have a gun in the house 😂 when we fought. 😮
Most hard is to take a step back, and focus on myself. It's my fighter brain, anxious part or for not having had the example to process my feelings (and therefore they seem to be labeled by my subconscious as "bad' or 'too much')❤
Thank you for offering the best advice and guidance for both affected individuals. I find your materials and professional advice to be the most helpful on this topic.
In my opinion... Rage is an inappropriate form of anger. There are healthy and appropriate forms of anger depending on the situation. But for me, I feel rage implies an extreme overreaction. An extreme overreaction will almost always cause problems for you and the people around you.
Thank you for sharing. It is a muscle that you have to exercise and it gets stronger with time, practice, and putting yourself into mindful states when you are NOT already at a triggered point.
I have a history of not being able to speak up. I feel stuck often and I wanna say something, but I just don't know how ... and think the other person will judge or abandon me if I cannot communicate properly (not too emotional, not too aggressive, but also not too cold ... I seam to do one or the other). So, what I do lately: I let myself speak up unperfectly right in the moment and with emotions (that might trigger the other person - and often does). So I can't overthink it. Would you also recommend the process described in this video for someone like me?
You will always risk triggering the other person when you stand up for your boundaries. But standing for your boundaries is necessary, because the other person will always demand you keep eating their shit sandwiches. Trust me. I was a lifelong people pleaser and it gave me hell.
I love these steps and feel I have awareness of them in my mind, but being able to stay with them when my body is in fight or flight keeps proving impossible. I’m finding it so hard to have self-compassion when I keep repeating the same mistakes when triggered with my partner, particularly the black and white thinking and horrible reactivity that comes with an overwhelmingly physical fear of abandonment and never being enough. What would you suggest for someone who tries these steps but still gets stuck in the loop - as in, I try to go through the steps but somehow I find myself back in the midst of the triggered state and trying to ‘fix it’ from there, with pretty awful consequences ?! How to be kind to oneself when it keeps happening… 😣
Thank you for commenting and sharing your experience. In this case, I would recommend getting ahead of the trigger, and approaching it, proactively by working with a therapist trained in somatic experiencing. This will help you connect to the body itself and widen your tolerance for triggering situation on the body level. I also recommend psychedelic assisted psychotherapy for the same reason.
Thank you so much for this reply. I have just started working with a craneo-sacral therapist, who is teaching me how to reside in my body and feel into whats underneath the words. Hopefully this will help? Thank you so much for your videos, I’m also taking your online course on FA and finding the art activities really helpful ❤
@@ionemariarojas9349 that’s wonderful. Yes the creative arts approaches and go to visualizations will also be helpful for connecting to the body. And if you are one of my students, then you have access to our two monthly live Q&A’s where you can join me on Zoom. The links will be inside your student dashboard. You can also ask questions inside the Student Facebook group and tag me. I usually respond within 48 hours.
Is it possible for a relationship to begin with one partner being anxious and the other avoidant, and then over time, for the roles to reverse, with the anxious partner becoming avoidant and the avoidant partner becoming anxious? It seems like that might have happened in my current relationship. Initially, I was guarded and more avoidant, but once my partner won me over and I stopped worrying about being abandoned, she slowly became avoidant while I became more anxious and more avoidant she got the more anxious I got. Now both of us feel not in love. I even mentioned to her early on, when she was making grand promises of undying love, that once she had me, she might discard me because the challenge of winning my love would be gone.
Thank you for watching in sharing a bit of your experience. This is a common question that I receive often. I think this video might be helpful for you. Can Attachment Styles Change Depending On Your Partner? ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-IIBgD3Z3efk.html
This happened to me also with me initially not being interested and then becoming anxious attachment. I see the pattern of my relationships is that i am attracted to dismissive avoidants.
It happened to me. I was avoidant in a relationship for 2 years and then right at the end she became avoidant and I became desperate and anxious and we broke up and I got the most heartbroken that I ever had, and am still not over it, years later.
I like what you have to say, but I have a hard time with your rapidfire delivery. Maybe if you slow down about 15% and say the key points more than once I could better absorb the information. I think the content is excellent but too fast.
Thank you for your comment. I’m glad you find the Content helpful. In case you were not aware, you can adjust the playback speed on RU-vid, to slow it down.
