Healing Parent and Adult Child Relationships (Part 2) - Dr. John Townsend 

Some parents don't put boundaries in place because they, themselves, are so afraid of abandonment. An unheated wound from their own childhood. They haven't done the work on themselves, so it continues on as dysfunctional parenting.

Mother -son can be very difficult . You can be an enabler and they " love " you or not an enabler and they hate you.

Many times when there is relational problems, for whatever reason, it’s the elephant in the room and will inevitably be a thorn in the relationship until dealt with.

Sometimes , the parent has to withdraw from the adult child's unwillingness to respect boundaries is from a place of PROTECTION FROM ABUSE BY NARCISSISTIC ADULT CHILDREN .....

I have been realistic about my relationship with my adult child,; it hurts emotionally. But, There are millions of dad's and mom's who are continuing to blame themselves for not keeping the friendship (relationship) strong and healthy.. I am happy to have found this excellent conversation focused on the adult child and parent. It helps confirms my belief, God is looking, and he answers prayers. Thank you.

read the boundaries book years ago. Not only applies to families, but also acquaintances, interactions on a daily basis.

Both of my adult daughters act as if I’m not enough or I’m too much. In public, they try to shush me, answer for me, act as if I’m an embarrassment, ignore me, etc. They hurt me deeply, altho I rarely say anything to them about it. If I do, my 27 year old daughter immediately expresses remorse, apologizes, cries, hugs me and tells me she loves me. “Repentance isn’t when you cry. It’s when you change.” Rosaria Butterfield. My 32 year old daughter takes no responsibility for her dishonoring treatment of me, and acts cold towards me, as she perpetually sets me straight about how wrong I am and how I hurt her in childhood! CHILDHOOD! My two 37 year old sons do not treat me this way, thankfully.

The prodigal son’s father did not reach out to the prodigal son after he left. The father is only heard to have reached out when the child realizes his life choices that led to being alone and a not satisfying life and the son returns.

Reading this book now. I highly recommend it for not only parent-child issues. But co-worker and friend issues as well. I also recommend the follow-up book Beyond Boundaries.

Thanks so much for sharing such great content with us. I myself have a deep sorrow in my heart. Divorce created a deep wound, I believe in the three of us, but speaking for myself, I feel burdened emotionally, and my now adult child ignores me deeply, and there's more. I never thought I would find such hope in this video. I look forward to buy the book, or even I hope, I can talk with Dr. Townsend.

😢thank you, this was very helpful. If you haven't listened yet, get your paper and pen ready to notes! God Bless you and your family.

I love what you all are saying about dealing with toxicity and mending but what happens when it's the mother who is showing toxic behavior towards the adult child. I've been experiencing that in my own life with my mother for years. I have been married for 16 years and have 2 girls that are in their teens. And my mother has never been supportive of me or my husband in our marriage and I have continually trying to show love and grace and kindness but I. Recently just disconnected from her and my sister. This happened 6 months after my father left my mom. The triangulation you talk about it's not between me and my siblings but it's between my mom and my sister. How do you navigate that when you are quote on quote the scapegoat child and adult child in a Christian family.

I feel as my x just can’t stand me having a relationship with my adult children. He always put me down as a parent, and my kids disrespect me and don’t have respect for me as a parent. How do I get them to stop listening to their dad about me and get to know me. Parents should never keep children to love each parent.

Helpful, thank you all

I Will be back next Thursday! Already listen to next week episode!

💖🙏blessings&gratitude

One word. Wow! In a great way

This was so beautiful. Thankyou.

I needed this. Age 23

I’ve just given up on the relationship I thought I would have. It’s painful and awful.

Thank you!

Amazing channel. Ty

Thank you ♥️

What if a parent has TOO much control and is leveraging too much and secretly doesn't want their children to leave their homes and their lives becusse the parent "needs to be needed"?

Just came across this- THANK YOU I feel like we're the only ones with this issue

So grateful 🙏💖☕ ☘️

Megan Divine has great advice about grief. Read It's OK That You're Not OK.

I love this series do you have any materials for a parent who has an adult child living at home? I see this more and more often and it becomes a very big challenge with regards to boundaries, respect and consideration in cohabiting with adult children.

Thnku so much for doin this programme i hve 2 teens this has been so hlpful to me and has imparted so much wisdom thnku🙏🙏

as if its all about disagreements of certain subjects... when grown children alienates parents.. its usually much deeper than that..

My son has a victim complex. No matter how he treated me, if I got upset or gave a consequence, he became the automatic victim. He went to my relatives and told them I am an abuser. But what about how he pushed me to the limit after asking him to do things 5-10 times patiently? He pushed me to anger on purpose! He graduated last week and I took him to the beach the 3 days after. He was mean and scoffing about anything while there. He came home and called his father to come pick him up. We broke up when he was 5 and gave him a concussion through harsh discipline by pushing him seriously hard and he hit his head. Now he’s joining dads camp and calling Me an abuser. I know his dad has fueled the fire. It shocked me, and broke my heart. He told me he doesn’t need me anymore and was so mean!

I am experiencing exactly what your talking about with my daughter,as we disagree on the issue of abortion.She is for it,I am against it.She refuses to discuss it.left me feeling deep grief.

What do you do when the parent is the toxic one and your seeking to be the peacemaker of the family. When its the parent crossing boundaries.

i’m only child. my parents overreacted to the point if i was sick or skinned a knee i hid it at all costs

I heard a teaching on the difference between grief and sorrow. Grief is a spirit. Isaiah said Jesus died for our griefs. Sorrow is what we feel. Can you give me your view on this.

Mother -daughter relationships are so difficult… I thought we were best friends… it was deceitful apparently… she had bitternesses over tiny things…facts don’t matter though… it’s all feelings

Do you have any advice on how to handle the estrangement from an adult child when it's a grandparenting situation and we have concerns about the environment of the grandchild?

I think you may be missing another possibility and that is, at least for adult children either raised in Utah and/or living in Utah who have acquired narcissistic personality. and yes I am intentionally leaving out other states. My adult children were raised in Colorado but changed once we moved to Utah. I see this personality disorder prevailing in Utah in an incredibly large portion of of both male and female, who are toxic i.e. narcissist or borderline personalities. Also, there are three men on this podcast who look at these situations quite differently than a mother/woman would.

Mine don't talk to me if they do it's mostly to demean me and from what people say about me lies to my children which they then use on me against me Otherwise my children are hardworking sweet person's Prayers for us always please

Wanted to do better life. I have meatless halth I am yong adult I better relaship with my moms I live my parents love better relationship mommy

I'm an adult child and I have read the book and tried to set boundaries with my parents and there is no respect of the boundaries on there part.what should I do we don't have a relationship at this time

Is the boundary book available as an e-book? And how do I access it?

Do you offer family therapy? I think in my family my kids were confused between 2 parents and I felt like I tear my family apart.

I have a kind of estranged relationship with parents More like somewhat superficial They are okay for the adult kids to visit them but they don’t visit adult kids My husband and me only live 1 block away My dad was visiting us when he was bored watching television but mom told him it was better if they came together and only in a invitation

What am I supposed to do if my adult children have blocked me from every way of contacting them and they won’t speak to me?

Hello I have a situation with my daughter, she married 3 years ago and last year she decided to cut all relationships with us and not contact with anyone that is related as a family. What should I do?

Are parents toxic and overprotective when they don't approve of their adult daughter's boyfriend who is a recovering addict, unemployed, father of two (different mothers)..never held them, never provided for them: absent dad? Its difficult to say nothing when you see your child heading the wrong way...

What can I do when all I get is “silent treatment “ do I accept and give up?

Can you address when you have parents who refuse to adhere to letting a child go and saying they are but use manipulation and a narcissistic family manipulative system to draw them back into the unhealthy family system to keep full control over the adult childs decisions and behavior, as he is and adult with an adults mind and they are making their own decisions as an adult the parents dont approve of and so they send family members to talk the sibling out of the life they wish to live as a legal adult because its not in accordance to how the parent wants the adult child to live. The adult child has constant indecision to make decisions on his own as they try to and the messages from the parents confuse them from knowing their self and undermine the adult childs mental health and autonomy because both parents have unhealthy enmeshed attachment issues making the child feel their only obligation is to love their parents and still obey them and their rules at 28. What does one do when parents read the books and dont apply the respectful rules to allow the child to be an adult. The parents do everything to lure the child to move back home with money and gifts, the parents are sick and unwell and always demand love and never acknowledge their wrong ways of dominion and demand for them to be the center of the adult childs world who now wants his own autonomy and world. What hope is their for constant disrespect from Parents who refuse to stop being parents to an adult child who needs to separate to become the adult mentally and physically without being constantly shamed when hes trying to find his own identity, make his own decisions apart from their severe demand for emeshment that is unhealthy at this point in the adults life. Sometimes children have no choice to leave a severely unhealthy family system to become their own person and to find out who they are. When one has a family system that uses guilt, diminishment and dominion so one cannot exist except the parents needs wishes and wants, how can this be done unless there is no contact. The child chooses no contact often for very good reason.

What do you do when grandchildren are taken away? The daughter will not meet with her mother. The mother has sent countless cards and letters with no response. I know the daughter loves her mother, but it has been nine months since she has seen her small grandchildren. The mother is now depressed, and going to bed at six. She can't handle it. She had a great relationship with the children and dearly loved them. Her family won't talk to her about it. When she cries, they leave. It is now Christmas, and even harder. Reaching out has not worked. The daughter says she will never see the children again. All this, because the daughters husband and the mother do not get along. I don't want to blame either one, but how would she restore this relationship.

Triangulation ; "I was angry with my friend, I told my wroth my wroth did end. I was angry with my foe, I told it not my wroth did grow... " William Blake - The Poison Tree. If siblings are competative, look to the parents. They've been playing the manipulative game of favourites. They are the poison tree.

Two can't walk together unless they be agreed

My daughter has a trans friend. My husband and I do not call them by their preferred pronoun, my daughter gets very upset about it, even if the person is not present. We do not know what to do, we don't want her to avoid us for it.

Love covers multitude sins bible truth

18 is an adult. What are you saying.. 25....30? Stop playing. Trust Jesus. Please stay away from public school.

Estrangement really isn’t that difficult at its core in my opinion. It comes down to one not being able to tolerate otherness to the extent they cannot be in the presence. That in combination with what is in my opinion, the older generation trying to browbeat responsibility and force, feed their values into their children, and expecting them to play by the rules, rather than seeing them for the multi faceted human beings that they are meeting them where they stand.. in my opinion this is nothing but a ridiculous pontification of people that are unwilling to digest the idea that not everybody things like that not everybody well and that’s OK. Two truths can exist simultaneously, and it seems to be missed on this panel

You are sooooo so wrong! Stop giving one way advice ! Not one size fits all. I took your advice and it backfired !!!

This guy Townsend sounds like an old fundamentalist preach when talking about forgiveness - he has no understanding of how to treat a young man that has has lost trust in his parent. His advice will absolutely not work.

The Host talks too much about himself. Humble bragging. Please stop.