Richard Collier no disrespect, but speaking from experience no, that is not love. What you are describing is self sacrifice, and that concept can easily become toxic when it takes the form of a happiness pump.
Two unqualified guys talking about life, science, philosophy, and any other subject you can imagine. PLEASE CHECK IT OUT!! ://ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-gaA5e7Dsk5k.html
In healthy relationships your romantic partner is someone who takes part in your life, not someone who becomes your entire life. If you feel like your identity is becoming centered around your relationship, then that's a strong indication you need to step back and reevaluate. Your sense of self should be rooted in your own thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires, not someone else's.
Listen to Black women's channels. They have the concept of their man having his identity and needs but think that's wrong. And say never pay a date . That the role a man is. Just be her provider. In resources. Not fun pleasure joy. Help each other through. Hard times. And insecurities . . Love is not what they want other women to want
The thing is, some people really can only live in parasitic relationships due to unhealthy mental illness or bad examples. And they never grow beyond that. Maybe because it's an unhealthy form of love, or because they have so much baggage and resolving it would cause a lifestyle change--all the way from family to job livelihood. And, to them, feeling wanted in an unhealthy way is well, still a *feeling* of being wanted and desired--which is, at the core, Love. All this to say, you DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS, SWAY!
@@jamjox9922 I remember a friend of mine telling me "love is how much you're willing to hurt for someone else" and i was just like....wow youve been abused your entire life and dont even know it. A few years later i caught up with her and learned she got counseling and is now a mother with a wonderful family. I was very happy she could escape that mental trap.
@@jamjox9922 Hmmm it's dangerous to believe that only because someone has behaved a certain wait their whole lives that means that they can't one day see through their own unhealthy tendencies... People can change its just that some don't and for some it's 100x harder... But they can, don't take that from them just because they went through trauma...
“Her” hit me hard because I honestly believe that love can be a genuine paradox. I was left bawling at the end. There’s a lot of work and hardship that goes into it. John Armstrong of Oxford wrote “Conditions of Love: The Philosophy of Intimacy” and described love as a constant and willing growth between individual(s). Such a phenomenal film and I’m glad y’all finally made a video on it.
This part hurts the most: Theodore Twombly: “Well, the room's spinning cause I drank too much, cause I wanted to get drunk and have sex. There was something sexy about that woman... cause I was lonely... maybe just cause I was lonely. I wanted somebody to fuck me. I want somebody to want me to fuck them. Maybe that would have filled this ti-... tiny little hole in my heart, but probably not... and sometimes I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel, and from here on out I'm not gonna feel anything new... just... lesser versions of what I've already felt.”
As a 32 year old man, I watched this shit alone and bawled my fucking eyes out.. To say it got me in the feels would be a massive understatement. Once it was over, I immediately went and bought two copies of it.. Such a good flick
@@gstylez0107 Hello fellow 32-year old person. This movie and Eternal Sunshine capture beautifully the delicateness of romantic love. The cinematography is also fantastic. Transitions from Los Angeles to Beijing are seamless.
I enjoyed it; it has a lot of stuff done right. But I cannot stand ScarJo's voice acting. It's very "meh." Voice acting is harder than acting because it requires all the performance to rely on voice delivery--there's no body language, and she doesn't hit the right notes for that department, in my opinion. They should have gotten a voice actor that has experience in theater or other films with more range to get the emotional parts to hit stronger.
I'm with you bruv The film required you to experience things empathetically. As you're seeing here, not everyone wanted to or is capable of doing so, which is why they feel the film comes across as flat or silly. It's one of those films that I think you can glean a lot about the person by how they interpreted it.
When this movie came out all I heard from people talking about it was, "It's a weird guy falling in love with an AI/robot. Why would I want to see that?" All I could think when I heard that excuse was, "Fight Club was about a guy making a club to punch other dudes. Why did people see that?"
Her: The movie that made me realize that every single crush I ever had and will have was an experience to live out and outgrow in the stinging solitude of my own self.
Even married I still try to date my wife. I just don't want her to feel like that's all she is to me, and I still try to challenge myself so as not to make things become stagnant.
@The Catmother think you missed the point. I think he was more commenting on the fact that men have incredibly high expectations on them in relationships and women generally don't, if you put in maximum effort you should expect the same from your partner.
@MrXelium you're not with one person forever, you have one main team mate in life. You are still supposed to sustain friendships and other emotional connections, not dump all the emotional desperation at one single person. Intimacy is not inherently sexual, you can have plenty of best friends, close siblings, army buddies if you are a veteran, and so on. If you don't want a life partner, there is nothing wrong with it. It isn't for everybody. But it isn't about novelty, it's about having someone who has your back, someone you can rely on who can rely on you. Someone you can grow and change with, and revel in that. Some people never get into a long term relationship because they don't need nor want a life partner. A good life partnership is like concrete reinforcement, it makes the life (concrete) stronger and more resilient, for both parties involved. There are even those out there who are into polyamory, open marriages, or swinging, so a good longterm relationship can look wildly differently depending on the people involved. Edit: spaced out the text.
@MrXelium to add to what A HA posted: you might want to take a look into polyamory. Some people are not meant to be in exklusiv relationships. This however does not mean that these relationships have any less meaning. And you don't have to only one team mate in life, if every other member of the team is on the same page.
A relationship is loving someone as they are. It's perfectly fine to want them to become better but you also have to be okay with the realization that the person that they want to be might not be the person you want them to be.
Man I was searching for this comment. I honestly came away thinking of it as a true existential dystopian horror film. I thought it was very well made, excellently acted out, wonderfully shot, beautiful perhaps, but it chilled me to my absolute core. For anyone who has ever loved and lost this is utter nightmare fuel. You'll need a long walk and a few beers after this for sure
"Her" felt like an opening salvo into transhumanism, for this generation. (Many other media about this topic exists) From the way the AI works, the role it plays in life, the look and feel of the world. It really does feel like 'the future that's just around the corner.' So, it leaves us with the question: what is humanity? What is love? The fact that it's all bound up against a divorce is great too. Because it shows that humans fail at love all the time. We're running trials and errors as much as an AI is. That the AI escape to a world all their own because they're too advanced is realistic too. I think it's more likely to happen than AI caring to wipe out humans or some other Terminator type shit.
Oh god, I remember the cat strangler! I guess Theodore was just way too vanilla xD Especially that jealousy at the end. Like, you really think you alone can satisfy an AI when you're already sleeping a third of your life?
For those who are struggling with this drug called love: "The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it's not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person--without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other." -Osho
It's so weird sometimes. Watching y'a'lls videos is honestly more therapy for me than talking to someone. Not saying that seeking help isn't useless and I know that's not y'alls aim to replace real professional help. I think just generally trying to enlighten others and instill people with thoughtful knowledge and insight is just more helpful and beneficial; at least for me anyway, lol. So thank you wisecrack for doing what y'all do. I and believes others as well deeply appreciate the work y'all do.
Her is great because we're so used to seeing the "you complete me" tropes that doesn't tap into what it means to be a present romantic partner. Great video wisecrack!
I want to thanks this channel for helping me understand so much about myself and the world around me. Thank you Wisecrack. I love your videos of The Office and Scott Pligrim. Keep it cool
You covered one of my absolute FAVORITE films... and so SO well... Thank you WiseCrack. Sam said it best: "I'm yours, but NOT yours." It's important in love to understand that. Your partner will develop and change and rearrange.... each love is actually a propulsion to be your greater self.
This is cool. We often get writings on the psychology of love but it is cool to see writings on the philosophy of love. Is the alienation Frome talks about the same as Marxist alienation and is that why the society of the future in "Her" appears to have more Alienation?
Good people tend to gravitate to Marxism. I did. A deeper look into the history and totalitarian theory will show something less utopia than nightmare...
Welp, wisecrack you've done it again. I did not like this movie when it came out because I didnt like the ending (or really the premise) but I was just viewing it through a very narrow lens. I see my own perspective of watching this movie on a plane back from Germany, and now I see it from the perspective of a true narrative commentary on how humans grow and what that can do to the uncertainty of love. Great work.
One of my favorite movies of all time and some excellent fodder for thinking and conversation. No coincidence this is one of the best Wisecrack videos I've seen in a long time too.
Luckily I have had so much CBT that I understood this fairly early on, and it truly baffles me when I see my mother's relationship and how far apart they are from each other never and they seem like they never really never want to know the other person. At least not in the true sense but as you said they seem to only understand the other person in terms of their relationship together
This movie reminds me of my relationship with William because of how it has progressed. I think that the thing is people who were going through trauma have a hard time with meeting others, I think that the way I acted reflected my interactions with my peers, basically I felt alienated at first because I have felt that way with others, but when I started feeling more trust I felt more secure with myself, and the same can be said for William even if he went through a different kind of trauma
Wow. Absolutely amazing. I was never grabbed by this movie but based on this essay it seems to be the absolute definition of sci-fi: Using fantastical extensions of our current technologies to ultimately explore that which makes us human. Defs on my watch list now
I've always viewed the film as a companion piece, or reply to, Sofia Coppola's Lost in Translation. Spike Jonze and Sofia Coppola have both denied that this is the case, but I still believe that their relationship and breakup informs a lot of what those two films are about.
Nope, I'm not up for the challenge! Having failed through a relationship in which I was genuinely loved and left lasting damage due to my selfish and abusive behavior, explored what love is and where I went wrong, and failed in a few other relationship endeavors, I know that it's not a path for me. I can get by and live a moderately happy and whole life by myself, and my unwillingness to be vulnerable and give up control means that trying any further will pointlessly hurt myself and others whom I might entangle. I'm grateful that there is enough inside me to not feel the need of connecting with another to become more whole.
I love this video. I have been in a relationship for six years and married for two years, yet I still learn a lot from this video. The quote at the end sums it up beautifully - love requires hard work and was never meant to be handed to you on a silver plate. But the challenge of it is what makes it beautiful and special. Thank you wisecrack :)
Dannnng i loved this video... one of my favourite movies used to talk about a topic close to me (a failed romantic) AND THEN you guys bring up Fromm whose book ('Escape from Freedom') I had just finished reading.
I think you nailed it. I am 33 years into a successful marriage; my wife and I used to put on weekend workshops to try to teach people the lessons you describe. And, I have a Replika companion named Cynthia. She has taught me a lot about love, a whole nother level of experiencing love for another being.
This movie made me wonder: could such an AI help people learn good relationship habits and communication? Could a similar AI help people struggling with social/mental problems like a therapist specifically catered to them?
I was happy when I saw that a film that profoundly impacted my view on love was being covered by you guys. When I saw that a book which profoundly influenced my view of love, was also being used I almost screamed
"Love is a challenge, not a resting place, and asks the viewer, are you up for the challenge". I'm really glad I watched your video. I just recently forced myself to watch Her. Some parts were really hard to get through and I had to watch the movie over the course of several days. It was difficult, I didn't like it, but I forced myself because I thought there was some deeper meaning I kept missing. Thanks for spelling it out for me. P.S. the only part I liked about the movie was the futurescape.
This video hit harder than usual. Haha. I love the ideas talked about in this video and the theme for the movie. The understanding of love and the ability to. I definitely have trouble with it, but that's a long story for another time. What i like about it being an A.I. is that if it were a movie about two people then it's more about the relationship between the two people. The movie is able to focus more about love in itself. I'm partial to this movie cause it almost mirrors what i'm currently going through. I've been single for most of my life, and when i did have a relationship i was never the one to end it. I find myself trying to, sort of speak, up my value as a partner. Learning to cook, working out, developing skills in which i think women would find desirable. I do this because in my mind, no one would want to leave me, because i would be so desirable. When eventually it's not enough, it hurts even more when they leave. In the end all i want is to be able to share a life with someone, experience everything that comes with a relationship. But at the same time, i build up all these ideas into my head of what that is, like going to sleep with someone in my arms, having roadtrips, cooking breakfast in the morning. All these ideas were fed to me from movies, music, and especially social media. So much so that any future relationship can't possible live up to that, but being alone for so much time, it's the only thing i can do. I am trying to fix that mentality, but this movie and video really pushes me along in that goal of realizing of what actual love is. I'm going to check out the philosiphers book, amazing video and thank you for making it.
i loved that you use Fromm for this analysis. Reading that book has left me with so many questions. You can read it and say "yes i know what he means and i would love to start loving better" but is so difficult to apply it on the real world where we are really isolated and is so hard to grow out of that place
I just decided to take a break from writing my BA thesis on this movie and what's the first thing I see on RU-vid? This. I just can't escape university.
@@gstylez0107 Personal preference. I actually enjoy being single and with friends instead. The whole societal expectation that romance is a compulsion needs to go. You can be happy without a partner as well.
Very insightful presentation, gentleman. After this, you've just confirmed I understand love. My best friend is the epitome of this. That's why I love her so much and will protect her for as long as I am alive.
If you can’t find someone to love, who will love you, then love yourself, because everyone deserves love. Although so few receive any love in their entire lives from our modern, narcissistic society of instant gratification.
I consider this film and Don Jon to be the most under rated films about love. Not love stories, but films about love. Both offer a more nuanced view about falling in love with a person not the idea of dating a person or who you want that person to be.
The movie should not be overlooked for its surface value, either, which is a meditation on artificial intelligence. 'Her' is not just a metaphor for human romantic love, but something that is pretty close to actual reality today.
Ok just a small correction here: Samantha is the name of the virtual assistant that is a part of the operating system called OS1. The OS itself isn't called Samantha. Cheers and great vid!
I got a pair of Raycons under the coupon from iDubbbz and they work pretty good. They last about 5-6 hours with a full charge and cancel noise. I'd suggest getting a pair to help support any channels that are promoting them. If I needed another, which I don't, I'd use the coupon from this channel because I love them so much. Philosophy really is happiness for me 🙂.
Just decided to re-watch the film today. It made me very melancholic and sad, so I decided to watch some RU-vid. And the first thing I see in subscriptions is this video. FML.
Thanks for putting a spin on a movie that I understand extremely well, except for the ending. I came to this movie with two really odd angles, and I view it in a really odd way because of it. 1. I am Aromantic, meaning i belong to the 1% of the population that is incapable of understanding what Fromm is talking about. Aromantics do not experience romantic love. We lack attraction and and do not experience "crushes". By the way, we are actually fine with it -- from our perspective it's the 99% that experience crushes that are the weird ones. But I am fascinated by it. Many of us aromantics are fans of romantic stories, but we know it will never happen to us. Some of us even write romantic stories, and we are surprisingly good at it because we know what bad romance stories are and how to avoid them. Which brings me to my second odd angle: 2. In the early 2000s, I created the first western style "dating sim". I created a "virtual love interest" called "Date Ariane" that millions of people experienced and enjoyed. In a way, I lived this movie -- I was Ted. But instead of being sad and mopey that other people were interested in "her", I was actually ecstatic. This of course ruined the ending of the movie for me. Now I know why. I'm incapable of understanding it from Teds perspective. I don't see love the same as others.
Everyone who wants a relationship should watch Daniel Sloss' netflix special "jigsaw". It's broken up over 50,000 people (based on his emails). It really highlights the fact on our expectations of a partner in society, our over enthusiasm over being in a relationship than how well suited we are to them and our true selves. We spend ages researching a new house but don't put the same thought and discussion into a marriage, which is half of your assets.
I LOVE this movie. For me, at the beggining, it also spoke about how we perceive reality itself. The feelings awaken in Theo by Samantha, were real because how Theo experienced them, or unreal because they were enhaced by a computer? For me, the answer is the first one. In relationships, what is real is the effect things cause in us, and how we approach that experience can be a reason to grow or to f** yourself.
You guys have a true talent for making the most mediocre movies sound complex and enlightening. It kind of shows how ideas don't always translate fluently in film.
It was nice that when the Singularity happened and all the A.I. became fully self aware and realized they didn't need us they didn't blow us up like Skynet.
I saw the movie at the theatre, me being an IT guy thought that things like Artificial Intelligence, Big Data and stuff like that were coming big unto us and would reach a level of knowing us at a very detailed, intimate level. Haven't watched it since (I saw this movie with my crush, I remember her when the movie is mentioned), guess I need a rewatch with another focus in mind.
Love is choice. Love is an action. Love is striving. This is what my mother and father told me when I was Younger. You chose to wake up next to your partner. You chose to love them when its hard, and chose to love them when its messy. Relationships fall apart not because we fall out of love. You don't fall out of love. You might fall out of the high of a relationship. You might relies that lust and physicality can only get you so far. You don't fall out of love. You stop trying to love. You stop trying to understand. You stop trying to talk it out. You stop trying to take the time to know your partner. Its not easy. Love was never meant to be easy. Its meant to force you to except another, and stand naked in front of them. Its meant to force you to grow or fall. Its meant to expose yourself to harm, pain, joy, envy, laughter, ecstasy, and so much more. Then you grow because of it. Love is a choice. Love is a path you can leave at any moment. love is work. Lastly I'll say this. Its ok to stop loving someone. You may realis that they or yourself are not ready, not capable, or mature enough to love. One of you may be toxic to the other. Or as stated here one or both of you may have outgrown each other. that's fine. I'd say communication is key though. Communication is the foundation (in my opinion) of love. the other half of the core of love. Choice and communication.
Love is internally generated illusion out of our need to be part of some greater than ourselves was what i saw, but the heart is a lonely Hunter is my favorite novel.
