His Silence Means THIS! The Sneaky Way Men Test You And How To Respond When They're Being Distant 

I told him "The only thing your silence taught me is how to live without you".

I believe, if he is really really into you, he will always make time for you. If he doesn't and ghosts you, leave the dead alone.

What I find very sad is when a woman looses her opportunity to have a family because she wasted her time with an insincere player .

When he goes silent. I disappear. His loss. That shows that he is emotionally immature and have bad communication skills. Give him the eternal silence that he is asking for...

There is no excuse for bad behavior. My mental health is far too important to allow someone play such manipulative games. I cut them off. If you start accepting breadcrumbs, you will always be hungry....

Let the dead rest. If he is ghosting you and give you the silent treatment and you have given it your all, he’s just not that interested in you. Let him go 💅🏾

His silence means that he is either a player, juggling multiple "tasks" at the same time, unable to keep track of which is which, or it may mean that he is not interested. So, his loss is your gain. Those who are not fit for you, "vanish" without a trace before any major damage takes place. Kudos and focus on yourselves. This is where true happiness lies~ true happiness lies within 💖

Life is hard as it is… dating shouldn’t be complicated.

His silence tells me he isn't capable of communicating hhis needs or wants. If you need space to process, then SAY THAT! Ghosting me tells me you aren't for me.

I was dating someone for 4 months and he started to become distant. Shorter text and longer response time. I let it go for a little bit and didn’t say anything then I said I noticed you pulling away and he replied that he was used to being alone. There were other things that went on also that I noticed and I honestly wish I would of spoke up sooner but I didn’t. Needless to say I broke things off with him because he obviously was unsure about me. He said that I will always be special to him and I said that I felt the same in return but I needed someone who fully loved me, I felt like he was bread crummin me. Some people are not capable of committed healthy relationships!❤

His silence is a form of abuse.

When a man go silence, is the begining of the end...is a destructive game.

After having 4 wonderful dates with an highly intelligent, successful, handsome gentleman, he started to seem less interested and now he's ghosting me. I though someone with a higher intellect and who claims to be empathetic won't behave in such off putting way. He told me he likes me, he wants a relationship (generally speaking), he asked me lots of personal questions, his last text said he'd like to still date me when i asked, bu then went completely silent when i shared my thoughts which were non emotional, articulated, i did send a long text though sharing my thoughts. Either way, it got me thinking i don't want to date men any more, romance is dead or at least at this time and age. This ghosting thing is an ugly phenomenon and if someone has a change of heart, at least have the decency to communicate that rather than disappear, what a cowardly move.

My man showed such confidence at the beginning of our relationship, I never had to deal with any of this. We are so blessed we found each other. 5 years later, we are sooo happy still! Hang in there ladies, there are still good men out there! I didn't meet the love of my life until age 44. My past relationships were armature hour compared to the real deal I have now.

Silence is one thing; but indifference is quite another.

Silence means the person plays games. Leave you deserve better and until you know your worth you will stay. I wish you peace.

After about three days of silence I’ve blocked, deleted, and cleared my space of you. Don’t play with women who know what they bring to the table. We know what we want and apparently these ghosts do not. RIP.

Silence means he’s out emotionally so it’s time to move on.

Relationship skills should be taught much earlier in life. It sucks to waste decades of your life in the wrong relationships and not know how to go about it productively. Thanks for all you do!!

Good video but I'm different from a lot of women my age. I've been divorced for 12 long years, no kids, no drama, no baggage. I love myself and have done the personal development work. The issue is I can't seem to find an emotionally mature, normal guy! Or when I do, he's not that interested in me. So I'm getting off the online dating sites and hoping to bump into a good guy at a bookstore or the beach...because I'm so weary of spending time and money trying to strike up a conversation with men hiding behind the screens. I want to talk face to face and see if there's actual chemistry right from the get-go. Who's with me?

Done caring what they want, what they need, who they are, why they lie. I’ve had enough for ten lifetimes.

He silent because he don’t want u! Nothing more nothing less

Agree that many divorced men and women have a lot of fear and doubt about getting close. I’ve had several men tell me unsolicited and often angrily, “I’m never getting married again. Once was enough.” This is a real turn off for me. I’m sorry they had a bad marriage and contentious divorce that cost them a lot of money, but this has nothing to do with me.

I tried communicating and it was worthless. Yes I agree communication is very important but if the man doesn't reply for days or weeks , You should move on . With a broken heart but have limits And dignity

Last year I was so focused on trying to understand why men play weird games. But now this year it doesn't matter to me. Freedom of the thought is much more better for my mental health. If a guy likes you. You will know and he won't play weird games.

I always say "silence speaks volumes " I have found out recently at 52 that being vulnerable is a strength in so many ways. It will prevent you from being angry and disconnected. To not fear being vulnerable can absolutely allow you to drop all barriers and feel what's suppose to be felt. With a general understanding. Some of us put on this tough man face so we don't look weak. And have been taught that being vulnerable is a weakness when that's far from the truth. Because after all of our hurts to still be able to be open and vulnerable is actually the strongest act you can take for yourself.

Usually prolonged silence from a partner is an expression of anger or displeasure. It's called the silent treatment. Distancing and ghosting is telling you they are not wanting to engage but they may recontact later when they are less busy and more needy.

As an 81 year old divorcee, I have been through a lot. I am past looking for someone at this point. I am more concerned with my health. Thank you for all your insights, you are very correct with the advice you are giving.

His silence is stonewalling. It's passive aggressive!

When men act like this is indication of their insecurities, fears and commitment. In other words they want their cake and eat too. Unfortunately, women have insecurities as well; but we open our hearts and give it all we can it is a remarkable expression of our true self. If he doesn’t want you just let it go and move on and learn this lesson❤️

The right man will always treat you right. Don’t settle for people who aren’t sure about you. If they “ghost” you, burn insense so they can’t come back😁.

I’m divorced and 37 years old. Is tough out there. Been alone for 5 years. Crazy

It means he’s back with an ex or found a whole new woman

This guy makes one thing very clear to me and and that is men are not ready when they are in their 20-30s because they want to pursue sex and then later midlife they still are not ready because they emotionally played games when younger and now can't trust or have all sorts of issues and they still aren't ready! I think the common denominator are the men. A serious and mature man will want to settle down regardless of their age! It's the values your parents instilled in you and the values that your family have that shape you to be either a player or a family man!

I am 51 never married because men just break my heart.

Ladies, or men, there's nothing wrong with you when you get stuck with a insincere player. Who ghosts and gaslights you, tries to keep control of you through mind games. Yes, women aren't perfect either, but some of us are far more perfect than the losers we ended up with. Don't ever take the blame for that. When you're the one stuck holding the conversation, doing all the housework, and your spouse is working all kinds of extra and strange hours, ahem, know it's them, not you. If you have the means to get out, some of us don't, do it. You don't want to be 20 years in like I am, sharing a house and acting like a roommate with somebody who's just not nice at all, except when the mask is on, for the public, when he can handle it.

If they are really interested in you no matter the situation he will be there for you! Im not a chaser and a ghoster but it a man pulls back and does not communicate "red flags" I have learned this .."your person" will match you and there will be no guessing! I hate the games and imaturity..If you like someone go for it!❤💯♐️

If you're at midlife, been married before and you're still doubtful when you're lucky to have a second chance at love, you're not worthy of my time. At this age you know very well there is no perfect partner, you know what is important and you should be less rigid.

I am a psychologist/therapist and a yoga teacher. Masculine and feminine energy are spiritual and energetic concepts, that's why they're not taught in 'scientific' fields. Western psychology is positivist. For the rest, I like how you differentiate between different relationships and cases. There is no one fits all, people have a lot of different things going on and not all cases are the same. Not everyone is a narcissist and a player. Having said that, if the silence continues and you tried to connect and ask what's going on and he's not responsive, that is a decision.

I'm really shy and feel like a lot of men will go silent to test me and see if I will chase after them, but even if I have feelings, I tend to interpret that as they must not be that interested and it ends. IDk, if a man was that interested, would he test a woman by going silent or would that be too hard for him to do? It just makes me sad

I feel a relationship should be easy comfortable and the key to success is communication. If you don't have these qualities it's not going to go far. Ladies or men our partners are supposed to be in our life to compliment not complicated. God bless

I don’t mind reaching out first and continuing conversation. But if he isn’t continuing it I’m not going to keep going. I figure when it’s the right person it won’t be so hard. We’ll both want to put in the work and it won’t be “work”. Connection, communication and intimacy go hand in hand.

We had a disagreement and he has gone silent for 11 days smh. I messaged him and said if he can’t give me time and communication I respect that and we can go our separate ways and have still heard nothing! I have no choice but to move on. It sucks we could have had something beautiful.

Yes, it takes 2 people who are willing to learn HOW to grow together, willing to be emotionally vulnerable in order to build trust...and to communicate in honest, healthy respectful ways to be understood and to understand each other. If one is or both are unwilling or not open to this the relationship has little chance of surviving or if it survives has little chance of being a healthy relationship.

*Recognizing when men are testing us or being distant can help us navigate relationships better. Let's strive for open communication and understanding, aiming for relationships where both partners feel secure and loved.*

It seems like if the woman doesnt pursue the man then he goes quiet. It needs to go both ways. I don’t want to play games in order for a man to want to pursue me.

I just blocked him, I’ve had enough of ignoring, hot and cold and silent treatments. Enough of this stress

I'm not rebuilding anymore. I'm 60 years old. I'm starting over fresh. The past doesn't matter because I don't want the same things. I want simple and peaceful and joyful. If I can plug in to someone else and give them those things then I will. And if they can do the same for me then it's a good match. But I'm perfectly happy living my life with me and my loved ones around me creating good memories and enjoying experiences as they come my way. It took me a long time to get to this place and I'm not giving it up. And of course this is when my guy showed up. It's been a over a year now and we keep our own places because of family responsibilities. It will work long-term and we will combine households one day, or we won't. We are living in the right here and right now. I'm sorry it took me 40 years to figure this out but I think it's the secret to a happy life.

I haven't even watched any of this, but as far as I'm concerned his silence means he's playing games and not mature enough to have an adult relationship.

I do the same to him. Don't get mad. But, when I do it back to him, he hates it. He doesn't know what I'm doing. I don't feel I owe him an answer.

You know what, I agree. After 3 years on and off with someone that goes silent but definitely wants to continue being involved with me, I learned that he likes me to show interest too and he has a lot of doubt's about my interest and his capacity to be enough for me. Which come from his previous marriage and childhood experiences. Once I opened up my mind to these facts and act humbly around it it has opened a world of alignment for us.

Sometimes Silence does NOT mean he's not interested anymore. There's reasons for everything and every behaviour. Mine went silent on me but he explained why so I understood and gave him space. Don't give up on your partner just because he's silent

I wouldn't be with a man who wasn't mature enough for me!! Communication is the key!! Thankyou 🙏🇬🇧

Silence means move on.

I love the way he doesn’t make a women feel horrible & he sees things from both ends

Self love to me is being abstant and avoiding unnecessary drama. Its quite liberating honestly and peaceful. Im happier alone. At the same time socializing with like minded people

Sometimes it could mean they are no longer attracted the way they were in the beginning. Men do chase women who are going through trials in their life. Because no matter what is going on in our lives when we want something we go get it.

Finally a man who gets what's really going on out there. Emotional immaturity. I am 65 yrs old and still struggle from with it. I truly enjoy your videos. Not only do I learn valuable information but I also get affirmation. Which means everything, since I only starting dating again 6 months ago, after 22 years alone. Thank you for your wisdom in my journey to find love and true connection. It's never to late. Never give up. Just breathe. Much love and true connection everyone. 🥰

I started connecting with someone, my soulmate and everything was amazing and then he said let's be friends. Broke my heart and soul on so many levels. It hurts like hell but trying to hold off the pain and try to move on. Men are so complicated!

In my experience,men have gone silent for 4 or 5 days and then got back intouch.They've got back intouch as I haven't reached out to them when they haven't replied to a text.Their excuse was busy or only just seen your text 🙄. During the time that I was not hearing from them, I was ruminating and trying to work out just what game they were playing. Through my therapist,self love books and watching several of Jon's videos,I know that these were wounded men and I know that I was attracting these avoidant men as my default is anxious attachment.I am working on this so that I don't get into any other co dependant relationships with these types of men.The proof of the pudding is when I meet someone but I'm not looking at the moment but am continuing to work on myself and learning from Jon/Scooby Doo/Homie and the community here.I am having a lot of laughter along the way 😊

Every man I have a relationship with is my 1st choice. I usually have several years between relationships. Therefore, whatever lessons I've taken I can apply to the new world of dating I'm re-entering.

This is the first guy I’ve “dated” that does mini ghost periods. We’ve been dating for 3 months and 2 times he’s ghosted for 3 days but he’s always come back to me. I gave him the space. I do know he’s going through something with work…don’t really know about anything else . But not just that, the communication hasn’t gotten to that deep level yet. I’ve been trying to be patient only because I figured maybe he really is moving slow with me and not ready to go deep? I’ve asked questions in the beginning. He would ignore em or give me one word answers and never ask me anything . So I stopped asking . Trying to give him the opportunity to make those moves. But, he’s been consistent overall, and currently really trying to make time to see me. I see his efforts…that is one reason I’m still hanging around.

Middle aged men are seeking either a nurse or a purse. If a man goes silent, he's withdrawn and it takes too much effort to breach the divide. Just move on.

I’ve been with a man for 6 years who falls into the category you spoke of; divorced, fearful and who would go silent from time to time. Being 11 years his younger, and rather naive to all the things relationships, I fell into the trap using ‘feelings’ to guide our relationship. Wanting the fairytale, not entertaining the reality. Often reaching out (way too much), to gain his attention and to get him to respond to me, I was only looking at my needs, not his, not ours. To combat this I thought if I only changed my behaviours, all would be ok…in the end reality prevailed. I would do anything to get him back and to have one more chance to finally share that I am learning, but I fear that this last push away from another has finally solidified our fate. Time and the Universe only knows, Thanks Jonathan for your honesty and insight, wish I would have stumbled across your channel years before, but I think to grow, I needed to learn the hard way.

I don’t take being “ ghosted “ to lightly, all it does is turns me away when I’m ghosted I’ve told him he still does it!!!? So I feel my feelings do not matter , then I get “your crazy for thinking this” other words it’s ALL ME 🤪🤣😂

Yes! It resonates with me. I noticed the more I am emotional vulnerable and say what I mean and feel he's very responsive. The more open I am the closer we get. Baby steps... it doesn't happen overnight.

"Situationships" are a drug... Feel good in the moment, and mess with you later (BIG TIME!). Avoid it!! Avoid! Avoid! Avoid! *Just because we don't talk, doesn't mean I don't think about him. I think about him constantly. I distance myself from him, , because I know I can't be with him...* When he'd get mad/upset/hurt/whatever: he'd give me the silent treatment. REMINDER TO SELF: Reasons for narcissistic silent treatment: * Stonewalling * Gaslighting * Emotional immaturity * Lack of interpersonal skill * Victimhood * Dysregulation * Doing to me, what was done to him * Terrified of conflict * Not knowing any other way * Fear/panic/anxiety/terror * Desperation * Power over * Regaining a (false) sense of control * Punishment EVEN STILL, regardless of the above, I miss him and what we had, our friendship, our connection: WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. But he never really cared about me. He used me and discarded me. Replaced me so easily. Why is she better than me? Why? What makes her so much more profoundly better than me? Is he her best friend now? Or maybe is there even more between them? Why couldn't he love me like he loves her? He's replaced me with another. In an instant: just like that. HE REPLACED ME. HE SHATTERED MY HEART. HE RAPED MY SOUL. I'm all alone and suffering in anguish, and they are living happily ever after together. The PTSD and the loneliness and the grief that he's given me... Makes it so that I can't breathe. I drowned. I suffocate. I die inside. I'm in hell with no escape. NO ESCAPE. I need him. I loved him. He raped my soul: brutally viciously violently maliciously. Every night: nightmares. Every day: panic attacks. I want to die. Every morning I wake up in despair, desperately praying to die. I can no longer bear the pain. I could die from the pain of missing my best friend. He betrayed and abandoned me, discarded me like garbage. My mind can't fathom, my heart can't comprehend. I live in perpetual panic and terror and loneliness and longing... I'm so alone in the world. I die of fear. I'm so fucking traumatized and terrorized and terrified. I'm dying inside. My soul is raped. He's given me severe PTSD. Severe! Severe! Severe! How and when will I ever heal? In 2 days, it'll be exactly 5 months... God, as I walk through this hell and heartache and grief, I pray you guide and direct and hold me... I won't be stuck in hell anymore. Enough is enough!!! It's time to be free: in Jesus's name! I’m giving my life to Jesus! 100%! (ANOTHER REMINDER TO SELF: When you chase a man, you NEVER get the man, and you ALWAYS lose yourself!) *I will no longer be the kind of person who trembles when life walks by her door... I will, instead, be the woman who makes life tremble... when I walk by ITS door!* I will stop fighting myself and start fighting FOR myself! ONE MORE REMINDER TO SELF: 5 Behaviors of a man who lies, and 2 important bits of advice! 1. He can't tell the same story twice. 2. He's distant, emotionally unavailable and secretive. 3. He doesn't take personal accountability. 4. He's quick to turn the tables on you. (Classic deflection) 5. He's extremely defensive and cannot handle any criticism (even when you approach subjects lovingly). 6. Trust your Intuition!!! 7. Ask God for guidance.

Distant and silence just creates distrust. Although I appreciate your message. 🤩❤ God bless.

This is something I NEEDED to hear as a 48 yr old woman. I believe I have finally found the partner...the love I've really wanted all my life. Interested in the books as well. Thank you

Silence definitely means different things in different stages of a relationship! Early on clearly they aren’t interested. Once committed there is something else going on. The events surrounding the silence will help you determine what happened and what to do about it!

Narcissists give you the silent treatment.

I'm 65. No time for games or guys who don't know what they want, especially in my age group. If you're not grown by the time you're near or at retirement, don't waste my time. We have to be on the same wavelength. I'm not afraid to be alone. I have been for years and even if I get into a relationship, I don't want marriage or cohabitation. I did the second for too long and I'm not doing it again.

I am never doing the chaser/runner dynamic again. It's ridiculous and time wasting.

Thank you for clarifying. I went through the same thing in the early stages. As soon as I showed him more interest, he immediately called me and we had a 2 hr conversation. Now we are much closer. Communication is key.

Ghosts belong in afterlife, you ghost me, you are dead to me. I have no time for these games.

LOL just listening and chuckling about the conversation I had with my sweetheart this weekend. He tried to not call me but couldn’t stop calling. I’m probably his first choice though. I was his high school crush, 45 years later here we are. He’s great. It wouldn’t have worked out back then.

I absolutely agree. I had dealt with the short-term silence and something about this one wouldn't let me give up call it intuition a deep knowing. You are absolutely right he is back and we are closer than ever. It's all because I never stopped expressing how I felt even if it was considered to be like you said a masculine energy. And because I expressed myself in such a bold manner we're able to discuss the deeper things even if it's hard to for him. I'd like to think right now we are in a very good place of compromising. It wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have expressed exactly how I felt about it. It's nice to hear a man especially agree with getting rid of the masculine feminine concept and if you feel something for someone express yourself don't be scared of how they're going to react if they act badly then they never cared about you. Thank you I really enjoyed your advice.

If I was busy... Forgot to respond to a text... It's not about YOU!!!! Knowing this helps me relate to the compassion others need.

I am quite comfortable with my flaws and I need a lot of room to grow right now but I am putting in the work. That’s why I’m here. Here’s my issue the self made guru on self awareness (K) , that’s his name, decided to subtly tell me I need to grow. Omg. I had to harass him to get an answer. That’s maturity? He never once told me it was over. I was supposed to know by the silence? Like a child. Just like a child! I’m truly saddened by what he said to me. Now I have to somehow deal with my emotions. I’m a fearful avoidant. I don’t ever let people get that close to me. now I have to pick myself up and try again? This is difficult. I really need a therapist.

Thank you for all the honesty I needed to hear them today.

Dating when you are older is not easy. Listening to you does help a lot with building my understanding & building my character ❤ HAPPY NEW YEAR

I slept with a guy on the first date, I texted him and he texted me back right away the next day. However, my last text was not responded to and the next day was New Year’s and I texted him a Happy N.Y text and he still didn’t text me back. I texted him he was too old to ghost. He texted me right away he didn’t ghost me. Anyways, his silence for one day an a half said a lot. I went to one more date with him then ended it. He was probably happy I did it first. 😢

Love your In-to-me-you-see! Because of listening to your videos I’ve discovered issues with anxious attachment that I never knew I had in relation to dating and relationships. I always knew when I would sense the guy pulling away I would hold on tighter or ‘chase’ I just never knew there was a ‘word’ to describe this behavior. I’ve learned so much about me from listening to you. And now it’s time to start healing that childhood wound attached to Abandonment. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me some insight about me. We all learn from each other. Some are our teachers others are our students. It’s true both men and women have baggage and flaws. Communication is a BIG Bump in the road. We don’t know how to communicate with each other.

I find statements like "men go after what they want" or "men move mountains for the women they love" dehumanizing as if they're not just like us with their own programmings, limiting beliefs, negative voices, etc. Even those who are younger could have had their share of painful experiences to not go after what they want.

Love your tshirt!. Lot of jewels in your speech: the "know the human" you are dating and the intimacy/into-see-me. Thanks!

There's so much truth to what he says. I love it.

You are incredible . You are so right . I’m so glad I found you. You open my eyes, to possibilities. Going to order the first book , Then go down the list . Thank you

Love this, Jonathon - We do want men who are intentionally seeking a healthy and connected relationship and YES, the only way to know that is to ask deeper questions from the getgo. Valuable information - thank you. And btw, I love love love being part of your FB group -you share so generously.

Silence is a blessing.

You have great insights. Thank you for sharing them.

First of all I agree with what you say. But most of all the WAY you say things. I listen with a smile on my face. Thank you

Thank you for your down to earth/realistic advice on dating. I'm 32 (not exactly your target audience as you said), but I still found this video useful.

My heart rate was increasing listening to your advice, in a good way. I relate so much with what you're saying here and it makes so much sense. I've known this guy forever but not at the level we're starting to explore. He's so quiet emotionally but I know he's always liked me. He's also my brother's best friend and those doubts are present on both sides. I want to take it slow but hold interest too. Thanks for the advice 🙏 💘

I love your honesty and directness!!!

I am 45 and you're DEAD ON!!! 😍 Jonathan!!!! I'm glad you introduced those books in a "lil" more detail I'm going to check the second one out...

Thank you Jonathan. I enjoy listening to your transparency of how men and women are at mid life. I chew on it for awhile and examine myself with the things I am learning. I appreciate you.

I believe it's ok for women to chase, within moderation. It takes a lot of confidence to assert yourself. And men deserve to feel desired, even craved by you... That would be my ideal intimacy, they deserve it too

You definitely are resonating with me & I love learning! Ty 🤗

You are the best for advise.. I really like your aproach ,very clear and honest always . Thank you f the suggestion of books I'll start soon !

I got it! The book Eight Dates. I forgot how much I’d read for Gottman before, but I quote all the time to myself and others. I’m not through it all, but I agree with Johnathon here. It is well worth reading, even if you think you’ve read and watched a lot. It’s good, even if a refresher and for synthesizing into steps the ability to progress a relationship intentionally. PS I did share the book with my date, and though I’m not sure he’s buzzing for it…lol, he will appreciate the questioning.