Horrified Subway Execs Assumed People Were Buying Footlongs To Share With A Friend 

Been there, done that

here, let me adjust that a little . . . I'm a family of *ate*.

🤣

@@RangerCaptain11A Haha! good one

Me too!😂

Only eat alot of it if you want to have the shazoots for a couple of days .

Yeah! Is it meant to be shared??? I GOTTA know...!

Omg funnyman

@@devintompkins9626 The Popeyes and Bojangles buckets are single serve.

Caeser I asked you not to tell ..... 😁

under-appreciated comment

Exactly. Takes the 5 min to refill your drink and hit the toilet. Round 2.😅

Lol Right! It's a whole meal.

Same with my husband.

I always thought it was a 3-way split, me, myself, and I.

LOL.....underrated comment.....and SO VERY true.

Yup, doesn't look anything like the pictures in the ads.

I DONT EAT THERE ANYMORE ! TOO HIGH AND NOT A FULL SANDWICH.

Thanks Biden!

I know, right? 2 little slices of turkey for a 6" and if you want double meat (4 little slices), it costs extra. (When I make my own turkey sandwich at home, I put on about 6 slices!) When I used to eat at Subway, the only subs I usually got were the chicken tenders or meatball subs, since they were the only ones they couldn't cheat you on. (Where I used to work, Subway was the only fast food place within walking distance).

Devin Hallsworth Found the Ninja Turtle.

Buffalo chicken man

Don't be ashamed. If it makes you feel better, I've finished off a large meat lovers all by myself more than once.

Never question the power of a high person

IKR I do!

Many seek to dethrone and dethroat the lord of footlongs for his controversial words and actions, clearly

They are lmao, why else would every employee be trained in the ways of the Katana?

JFK was executed just because he was like the leader of the bald eagle fan club or some shit. Imagine what would happen to someone with actual power, like a Subway exec.

love the looks and noses in the air as if they’re 100% behind him on this

He's very sensitive

It's not "shrinkflation" it's "Bidenomics".

@@arnoldpainal5885 You're retarded.

@@arnoldpainal5885hasnt it been happening before biden

@@arnoldpainal5885 "Hey everyone! Check it out; I'm voting for the convicted felon and proven child rapist!"

🤣 Yup !

@Jamilla Robinson wooosh

@Jamilla Robinson the whoosh is strong in this one

@Jamilla Robinson Why u mad bro

@Jamilla Robinson fucking woooooooooooooosssssshhh

@Jamilla Robinson 🦧

I knew it

Nick Crompton & the "..." guy??

What if I only know 1 gay man?

Chris P you're the other one

@@luked8449 plot twist I didnt see that coming

Nah, it was determined that even though the deal was awesome for regular customers, not enough NEW business appeared to offset the price drop, so they were losing money constantly. Red Lobster NEVER recovered from making Endless Shrimp a daily menu item

@@sportalero903215 dollar foot longs won’t keep them in business.

"Best Buy changes name to just Buy" 🤣

The executive sounded gay

Oml that’s hilarious

"Nutrition experts say serving sizes should not be measured in feet"

@Joseph Wallace Nope, you missed the point entirely. Maybe if the mention of gay people did not throw you into a temper tantrum, you could have actually understood the joke.

I'm new here, geshhhhhhh these are meant to be funny right? Like SNL? Can't be real?

@@Connie_From_AZ yeah, purely satire. You have a long road of gold to catch up on my friend

@@Connie_From_AZ SNL? Don't do the Onion dirty like that

Lol cracked me up but it hurt a little to taco bell is my favorite 🤣

Me too, I love taco bell. I don't know why they get so much grief

Yeah! Getcher OWN footlong. It ain't 2018 anymore. 😜

Thank you!!!!! He sure didn't mention that it's a whole lot cheaper to prepare at home.😂

Well said, control freaks are everywhere.

He’s trying to make you believe that the sandwich is meant for 2 people. This way when they double the price you understand why. Not buying that rationale

Idk if you people in the comments realize, but this is satire

The one about hundreds of bloggers getting laid off hit close to the mark, considering what happened at Buzzfeed!

You have a point, but I still think the "news from the future" video is their magnum opus.

tailgunner2 Considering Europe will be building a second, much larger hadron collider, im a bit worried. 21bn €

Me too but I also love the stories that are just wall-to-wall memes. My personal favorite is "Sony releases new piece of shit that doesn't fucking work"

I was confused there for a minute, until the taco bell comment 🤔🤣🤣🤣

thanks!

I don't know why I read this in Glados' voice.

@@hungrydino51 taco bell open till1amin case you need dog food

@@royaldecreeforthechurchofm8409 Im deaf and blind so this really helps me out!!!

@@hungrydino51 fuck you

How about a "tuna" foot long actually having "TUNA" ??

Subways shocked at everything, and that walking skeleton does nothing to sway my eatingnhabits, just gecause he has an aversion to eating does not allow him to control my portions.

Shrinkage...it happens,,,ask George

Wait have you actually taken a calibrated certified set of Starrett (keyboard doesn't have the little r for copyright as in it's a name brand) calipers and measured one??????

​@@lildeli3rddimention It is real tuna. It was the frivolous lawsuit.

That's actually not a bad idea though.

I’d like to buy a person please

The condescending tone she says that in is just the best! 🤣

@@therabbit555 underrated reply

@@therabbit555 Wow! $1.25 for a semi-person!

Maybe they should use the FBI to track our ordering patterns. They may get a search warrant to ensure there is half a foot long the next day in the fridge.

I'm an Asian, male, never find portion in US big though 😅 Complaint about small portion instead 😂

@@moochoopr9551 Thats what she said Too easy 😎

@@asktheetruscans9857 She said she was an Asian male?

Yeah. Those potion sizes. Like, who even needs a 500 hp health potion anyway?

@@jonathanroberts377 One night in Bangkok

Tiegan King Ha! Yeah, anyone who eats a full pizza by themselves is a loser. Yep... give me a second...

You know, they never said anything about people eating the footlong AND a pizza by themselves...

Tiegan King thank god im not the only one

Me

...... Oh. Um.... I need to rethink my life

I know how you feel. I almost spit out the last slice of the 36" Macho Man Hyper Supreme Deep Dish Pizza, that I was eating all by myself, when he said that. I mean, I didn't spit it out, but I felt like it.

@@rndmvar lmao

There is not one person I have ever met who eat Pizza and we eat lots of Pizza in Canada that are not able to eat a whole Pizza by themselves lol Plus we love pizza in the morning in Canada for breakfast ha ha ha

I feel attacked by him saying that he guessed that they didn't make it clear enough for us idiots.

Let's all sue for body diaspora due to subways gross environmental neglect by using Jared and others to promote eating ft longs and then using the economy crunch to say they never intended for that to be the message so they could now claim that a whole ft long feeds 4 people (oh wait so the 4 people need to also share the 1 bag of chips and the 1 drink too 😂) so they can now charge 4 times the amount for the same wood pulp sandwich and claim they are compliant the the new world order climate change agenda and social responsibility blah blah blah BLAH 😎 JUST SAYING IF IT LOOKS LIKE A TURD AND FLOATS LIKE A TURD IT PROBABLY A TURD 😂😂😂. have a great day everybody ❤Back to your great reporting you naughty onion reporters 😂😂😂

I know I shouldn't eat all this pizza, but it's just so good!

Hides empty pizza box

Legit about to eat a 14" pizza.

camera covered but microphone always active on phone and laptop 🤫

I honestly never thought you could eat less than a whole pizza It's exactly like a sandwich, It's a unit, a whole meal

Especially if you go to Blaze Pizza where the pizza is single person sized.

yes

Me too

They got us at the feist half not gonna lie

Rex, exactly. Btw, I hope you and your three friends enjoy your sandwiches.

Walks out of subway with 2 footlongs, came in with one...

But a 51 foot long, take that subway

*Is that a challenge?*

I did the other day. Ok it was a personal pizza from a Pizza Hut express.

Next time I go into a Subway I will order a feetlong

The only funny hold my ____ joke I've ever read.

@Michael Martin ahahhaha lol I eat familiar size, chicken corn, pineapple with bbq sauce pizzas and ... And i'm not kidding there is 2x1 on Tuesdays, so Footlong subs? pff

Sarad Thamia you aren't, they are the ones who are wrong

NOl you are right! that's exactly how I eat it

Sarad Thamia lol

speter awaken You're right, it is bullshit. Since this report is from the Onion, a satire news group.

speter awaken r/whoosh

you are the other friend

@@03019a 🤔🤔😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💀

@@03019a 🤗yup

Gold!

Lol ikr lol

777Skeptic Same XD

Ju Che Gukumatz Ever heard of sarcasm?

@speter awaken lool you're commenting this on every comment, the onion is satire, do you need a dictionary to find out what that means?

I eat the feet long by myself so I guess I'm still under attack

@@underworld7148 people have been eating the foot longs by themselves for years.

ME:They ain't doing it right. ODD SILENCE: Me : why waste my time.

@@matildamarmaduke1096 rofmao!

My footlong last an hour and needs two women to finish.

Jesse cortez the bottom scrolls have some great stuff too.

I always wondered what companies "Best Buy" thought they were competing against? "Worst Buy"? And if "Best Buy" are not the best are they only just "Good Buy"?

I thought they changed it to Buy More and renamed the Geek Squad to the Nerd Herd.

i searched that up hoping it was real 😔

@@BryTee Well sound of music apparently wasn't cutting it.

Pandora Lupin lmao never saw that

@@sean5623 what makes it better is that in the small town I live in, the closest to that I can get is my bi dad and my "im not gay!" friend.

@@pandorapuppy You must have failed English. I have no idea what the fuck you said.

@@markflierl1624 you musta flunked English

@@markflierl1624 There is nothing wrong with his sentence.

This comment deserves more likes

That is some clever comment!

I wouldn't even eat Taco Bell if I have new carpet and no pets.

All I can think about is that picture of a dog vomiting into a towel so forcefully that the puke just bounces off and splatters the floor and walls anyway, but with the other end of the animal.

Yet people eat there.

Accurate statement 🤣🤣🤣 love it 😂😂

You too huh.🥺

I'm seventy two. Sex...talk about something that will kill you quicker than a 12 inch sub and empty your wallet too!

@@Diddley_Squat what you mean waiter...we had to wait for our food didnt we.

The average duration of sex in a 2008 study is 3 to 7 minutes. Not including the 3 minutes of paying the prostitute.

TheAwesomePerson am awesome wave

TheAwesomePerson Na the humiliating sex at the end of the subway news bit like they're saying people who eat subway are interested this news also because it's about them/us and our humiliating sex duration😂

TheAwesomePerson same

me too! still laughing.

TheAwesomePerson that was the funniest part. And, really? This isn't even news, or even fake news! It's comedy gold!

By far the best part. That line was spicier than anything served at Taco Bell.

I feed my dog taco bell. Lol

@@jamesbehrje4279 Why would you poison the poor creature like that?

Woof

well business is business.

Not me 🤤

I hate sharing, so pizza is always a single-person meal

I have. I've even eaten large pizzas, though admittedly, it took me multiple meals to do so.

I always save 3 slices for breakfast.

I had a buddy in high-school that would eat the pizza right out of the oven so he could consume most of it.

We go beyond humiliating 😔

True, after an hour or so you eventually get tired and it's hard to get off; always awkward.

i only make it to negative 3 seconds.

Well I'm so great at sex, I got it down to 1 minute!

People just have to lower their standards.

Rahul Gaikwad yes one extra large , banana split for dessert .

Rahul Gaikwad , sorry , teenage from Quebec only , hollow legs are food reserve for winter .

When I was 12 I used to be able to finish a whole large pressure cooker worth of rice all by myself... I'm 15 now and although my apatite has gone down, it's still quite large I'm not American btw

Holy Milk 5’6 “. 160 pas apx ,,,,3 years football player . Compact and strong 💪. Big success with the girls and scary for opponents teams . SATISFIED .

It's not the legs. The stomach expands into the ribcage.

Nope you don't require it stop being gluttonous.

Yeah, when you're climbing poles and installing services all day, a footlong sub is a big hit at lunch time.

What I'm suspicious of is what's in Taco Smell's psuedofood. I love my dogs more then THAT!

Got me too.

@@grholmgren k lmaoo

I wont feed a dog taco bell

ure an idiot bro

Or at all 😅

Ha took a moment to see this was from The Onion. At first I thought they were just liars. :)

Not in one sitting. I have to stand up every 10 minutes or so.

It took me three meals to eat a medium pizza and cheesy bread from Dominoes.

@@lynnez.2818 It took me one meal to eat three large pizzas, a cheesey galic bread and two litres of Pepsi - by myself ... there may have been a THC involvement at the time - Hmmm ... not may have been.

Brandon Ard - I guess their three friends didn’t show up.

@@childebrand1 without three friends, it wouldn't even be possible to consume *two* footlongs!

Well yeah there's barely any meat in them

@@directorbeau I always thought there was quite a lot of meat. It's amazing what you can achieve when you get everything from facrory farms.

@@johnmartinez7440 Depends on what exactly you get. Meatball sub? Definitely a decent amount. Grilled chicken? A lot less so, and you kind of have to load those up to compensate.

Right?! Now we listen to stories on The Onion & think, "If only life could be so easy.... & normal!"😩😅🤣

greyeaglem - It's okay, don't be scared. The Onion is tame compared to what really goes on because it's not really going on. Hope that helps.

Yea like THIER TUNA Sandwich without any DNA from a tuna...true look it up...

We're in the world of Idiocracy

The Onion and Babylon Bee have turned into credited news agency's

Yes. Especially the refried bean goo that always looks like cow sh!t. I hate refried beans.

Wood woof

@@lizh4933 They taste good if you make them yourself from scratch.

When they hand the plastic bag through the window it feels like grabbing a diaper. You can tell it's warm, moist and chunky inside.

The dog food I feed my dogs is better than that crap.

That's my thinking when I buy one, then for some reason, there isn't any left for later. 😂😂

You mean when you get the 12:05 munchies.

That’s what I do- half is one meal and the other half is for later in the day. I ask them to not put the mustard on one half and I put it on later so the bread is not soggy.

Do you blow a doob before the first one, or before the second one?

Underrated comment

I'm way closer to being underweight than overweight but I still clear an entire pizza myself. Usually get a side dish too because just a pizza is never enough.

@@ArmourGX high metabolism is great. Used to be I'd eat like a half pound burger for lunch and a pizza for dinner, but I was still biking to/from class every day and doing karate, so I didn't gain anything. Then i started driving... then i stopped karate for some reason I can't remember. Can't eat like that anymore, though it took a bit for my appetite to catch on

@@ArmourGX how big is the pizza? In italy when we eat pizza, we finish it almost all the times, but eating a side dish too... That sounds Like a small pizza

Same.

I've been good. There's still half of yesterday's pizza in the oven. ... this time.

Well! I eat entire pizzas by myself all the time. I'm 6'4 290 lbs. Sorry we can't all be a tiny little bitty beta man like this subway executive. I have an idea. SUBWAY just keep selling sandwiches and shut the hell up. None of your business if one eats the whole 11 not actually 12 inch or not. Personally I don't eat subway sandwiches. I prefer jersey mikes.

@@rickyflinchum2909 where i live Subway's bread is usually heated in microwaves, if you don't eat it within 15 minutes it goes rock-hard and it's awkward af

True.

Only because we stand on the shoulders of the old people on the right side of history ma'am.

Ok boomer

Unfortunately, the majority of young people come out of colleges full of BS instead of useful (engineering) knowledge.

@@PaulVerhoeven2 what's wrong with a Bachelor's of Science degree?

@@sirpancherto Full of BS, not with BS (most with BA), and even 90% of BS degrees are in fake sciences.

We can fix it! Long-sexers should have sex more often, and short-sexers should never have sex at all, so it doesnt count towards the stats. Personally, I'm already doing my part.

@Jacob K murdered by words lmao

That's better than I thought but let's set a new quota...Maybe bring it up to 20 minutes.....or at least 15 jeez

Now I need to know if that statistic involves the entire deal or just the penetrative act, for science of course.

That's 4 minutes and 34 seconds of crying

And somebody's dog

Nooooo

Laughed so hard at that that I woke up the whole house

How is it Taco Bell food looks the same coming out as it does going in

And I mean when I feed it to my dog

Or if you essentially want to stay awake the whole night and don’t mind being by the toilet

Dog food...they don't put enough play meat for a dog. Taco bell knows nothing about dogs eating at midnight. Now werewolves at 3am...

How dare they insult Taco Bell! Are they telling me I've been eating DOG food for years!! Every time my doctor tells me to loose weight, I have to buy more tacos to soothe myself. I thought eating DOG food would have less calories!!!

LuvTheSnapper LMFAO

LuvTheSnapper I cut my toast in half, does that mean I have to share?

I'll try and eat a whole foot long not cut and check back on how those results end..

***** that's what she said.

It's way worse to be underweight than overweight

Daniel Idk for both it depends on the magnitude, I am only slightly underweight(according to BMI) and the doc says I am perfectly healthy

Daniel Idk Uh, to be honest, being underweight is just as bad as being overweight. It's not right to call any of the extremes "better", because they are extremes. The only fine area is having a normal body fat level that is not considered fat or anorexic-type (a bit overweight or a bit underweight is nothing - it could just be the person having more muscles, bigger body build, a good metabolism or whatever that makes the small difference, the BMI isn't really that accurate, especially for bodybuilders), because being in the any of the two extremes is dangerous for your health and life.

***** Being underweight has immediate health effects and long term health effects, being overweight usually is only long term effects unless the person is morbidly obese. There's also no such thing as a "good" metabolism, it's just the amount of calories you need in a day to do basic functions throughout the day, some people eat like shit but no more than they need in a day and become skinnyfat instead of just fat.

Wait, so does mean a company could come out with a 12" sandwich, call it "an imperial foot long" and have a legitimate defense against Subway trying to sue them by claiming that it is referring to the actual measurement and is not a marketing term?

@Hilfigertout I imagine the name being: $4.99 “One Foot Long” brought to you by Carl’s Jr.. or 5 5.0 $5.01 “Actually a Foot Long” trademark Johnson&Johnson “A family sandwich company.”

Stephen Burks ...then...then how do they get away with "6-inch" sandwiches that are 5 inches???

@@StarWarsomania have you ever heard that joke about why women have poor depth perception. Because they’re always being told this:”____” is the same length as this:”______________”.

I think the stories have been exaggerated quite a lot. It seemingly started when someone complained about an 11" subway, in Australia. “Each Subway® restaurant freshly bakes bread in-store every day. We use bread forms that are approximately 30cm in length, however, due to the natural baking process, slight variations in the length of the final product can happen. ’Subway Footlong®’ has been registered as a trademark and is a description of the sandwich only; length of the final baked product cannot be assured due to this natural baking process." There was later a class suit against Subway, who decided to settle, presumably due to costs & PR. The judges were not impressed: 'The 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Chicago called the settlement “utterly worthless,” and said the customers’ lawyers were not entitled to attorney’s fees for convincing Subway it was better to make the case go away than fight. “A class action that seeks only worthless benefits for the class and yields only fees for class counsel is no better than a racket and should be dismissed out of hand,” Circuit Judge Diane Sykes wrote for a three-judge panel. “That’s an apt description of this case.”' The only way they could really get close to insuring they're always a foot long is to make everything too long to allow for fluctuations. Not to mention they could obviously get squashed at any point, and be shorter with the exact same contents. It seems likely they erred on the short side, but it's not going to make much difference really. It's just bread, how much goes inside is where the cost/value is.

😂😂😂

🤣🤣🤣

Hahahaha

You’re a terrible owner!

I buy my chihuahua Lucy taco bell. You can buy a side of beef for about 60 cents where i am. Real canned dog food is a dollar or more. Lol

Seriously. Foods not good. Only good for when you're desperate and feeling cheap.