Americans already like themselves a lot - more than enough. They should have stopped at coining the national exceptionalism concept ... even that was too much though.
We just don't want to end up alone. Being "normal" helps us having more of a chance of having someone that relates with us - it's like the most common of common grounds...
@@medika9651 I’ve been there. The universe is telling you to take time for yourself- forget everyone and focus on what makes you happy and things will fall into place
To ALL commenters, normal is merely the word used to explain what is usual. Usually people say they don't want to be normal, but that is the usual, aka normal. Usually people are all dealing with the same problems, hopes, worries and goals as everyone, just not at the same time, with the same details. We are all normal, because we are all people. And I believe it is normal to feel abnormal 😉 P.S. I hate the emojis on my new phone, that is all.
I've always considered 'normal' to be a very dangerous and damaging term because once you declare something or someone as normal, you automatically pathologize everything/one else. Furthermore, normal is restricted by culture, nationality and demographics; one culture's normal is another's culture insanity. That alone proves normality is a plastic term that can never exist or stand on its own but always needs the interpretation and input of living beings that have established their individual set of rules and norms that serves their system best.
The individual is a component of society, and society is a component of the individual. Thus In rejecting oneself, one also rejects everyone else. And self understanding begins with empathy.
Unlikely. Until there is a coherent definition of what "god/s" (making "god/s" a cognitively graspable concept) are and evidence supporting said "god/s" existence, then belief that "god/s" are not justifiable, therefore...no, no it is not with me.
Minahli x said "Then you're an attention seeker, which isn't healthy and might even be a sign of mental illness." Not sure if this was directed at me but if it was: no, not an attention seeker. I seek interesting interactions, most "god" botherers don't offer much. Empty vessels with hollow words.
Everyone is all like "what's fun about being normal?" But it is exactly what it is being normal and being placed into something filled with acceptance and likability
We are all united more by our odd quirks and weird intricacies than any sense of being normal. The fact that we can never enter someone else's head limits our ability to realize this, however, which means honest communication is one of the most important antidotes to suffering. The number of people that actually step so far outside the norm to be considered weird (for good or for bad) is extremely small, and that makes sense; we may all be unique, but we are all the same species after all. If we are going to declare ourselves to be at odds with our fellow humans, we better have something worthwhile to say; otherwise, we may be right to slip back into the norms of the current society that we have worked so hard for in order to prevent us from harming it. Individualism and uniqueness are important because it is the root of all human progress but, by the same token, encouraging everyone to denounce themselves as separate from their kin promotes the idea that we are far more alone than we think we are. Once we see ourselves as social animals who are 99/9% the same (feelings, emotions, dark thoughts, lack of control included), we can place less emphasis on being remembered and being understood and more on helping others and recognizing our mutual otherness.
I think the need to *prove* that one is different from others can often come from an inferiority complex (or superiority complex.) If you have a superiority complex, you constantly need validation- you take every opportunity to remind yourself that yes, you are much smarter than people around you, more attractive, etc. I think it's much the same thing with people who feel they need to prove to other people that they are different- nobody else likes this kind of music, I feel like I was born in the wrong generation, etc. Being pretentious. Acting different for the sake of it. There's a difference between high self esteem and a superiority complex. You can take pride in the special traits and unique identities you have, but also appreciate that everyone is interesting in their own way. Other people may be boring to you, but it doesn't mean you're *better* than them. You can embrace the fact that you're different by dressing how you want, listening to obscure music, being a part of subcultures without coming across as a 'special snowflake- and it's wonderful to be able to understand ourselves more fully.
After years of experimenting with social interactions, I have found that the absolute vast majority of people can't handle those who are open about the unspoken aspects of their life and find it very uncomfortable. They avoid people who interact like this.
Just remember that fitting in... Doesn't make you a better person. What matters is how to treat yourself and others, that's what will determine whether you're a good person
A lot of young people actively pride themselves on being abnormal and seem quite offended if you suggest it's okay you're normal! Idk if this is a confusion between normality and individuality but almost every person I interact with would not call themselves normal. And yet, without meaning to offend, I think they all are. Has anyone else noticed this?
See people saying that we should embrace ourselves really dont know about reality, you can't embrace yourself trust me I tried it in High School and Elementary teacher's hated me and i had no friends and i wasn't even a bad student. I tried embracing ourselves. My mom always says that we should always hide our real selves outside. I didnt listen to that in elementary and elementary and i was bullied and teachers hated me, thought i was annoying. Just try to be quiet for society and try to fit in people will disagree with me obviously didnt know what it was like.
Oh It's sad. Bt in my case,I actually Did the opposite. I acted normal in school,got bad grades,had huge friends😂bt still in the same situation as urs lol.(And I planned of becoming more myself after getting everything I cherished in ma life) Mayb the type of ppl we r can never change our mental fate even by changing ourselves . _.
The problem is that my choices are either "be a cardboard cutout" or "be alone." I am not socially acceptable. Most people do not want me. I need to become someone people want. It is all fine and good to say there's no such thing as normal, but there is, and if you fall outside of that you will be isolated and unwanted by the majority of the people you meet.
The only solution is spiritual. Stay away from drugs and alcohol. If you got that behind you, try to make it possible to be in your most comfortable environment. Keep a healthy routine. Exercise. Eat healthy. Treat yourself to quiet time (most people enjoy mornings.) Have that one person to talk to, even if it's a therapist. Take care of a small pet. Put yourself in nature if possible. Parks, hiking, camping, fishing.... I hope this helps. It helped me.
I don't care about normal not being fun. I just want to act "average enough" for people to accept me. If I have to become a "fake me", I'd rather be that than the "real me", suffering with tics and communicating poorly. I'm starting to hate myself, and I'm not sure I want to be "myself" anymore. Does anyone know how to fix me? I'm too afraid to tell someone I know well yet, so I ask this online in order to find answers.
I use to want to be normal when I was a teenager (I didn't really socialize well) but now I don't give two fucks - I really don't. Those people judging you, will never be around in times of need. In fact, they'll drive you to your lowest point and leave you there in your depression. Forget them, I do what I want and I stopped caring about others. I don't even try to help others now. I don't expect others to help me either, even if I died on the streets. Just leave me there to rot.
iLoveTurtlesHaha same here but. I'm normal but what they don't understand that I have hearing problem and I can't talk normally because of my cold.but eveen when I explain they don't care
I’m just gonna say this, “ we are who me make ourselves”. Their honestly is no “ don’t be someone your not”. No one is born with a personality, personality comes through experience, but then again focus on yourself and don’t try to please people ever
I want to be normal because I come off as really weird when I talk. Here is a list of my ''Things I want to change"'. -I don't socialize well -I don't rationally think like others (Which I often get blamed for ''Not listening'' when I don't know what to do) -I can't understand other people's attempts of praising something (Even though I read others well)
I started hanging out with this group of people. This one girl in the group doesn’t like the way I dress. She doesn’t like the things I talk about, or the things I find interesting. She wants me to be normal. However I don’t get the point of it all
Thank you School Of Life for again providing an other angle of reality that we all seem to see only one side in social medias or around us ! It is truly always a pleasure to watch your videos, that all feel informative and enjoyable. Keep up the good work !
I just woke up from the absolute most insane nightmare. I was quite freaked out, and I don't feel it was normal to be truthful. So I'd like to thank you for this video it came just when I needed it. Maybe, someone else is having a dream that is so bizarre and intense at this very moment and they will also awake feeling like there are not normal from dreaming such madness.
I woke up from a bad dream as well, something that reminded me of unpleasant times in my past. I questioned myself why can't I just be normal, then I saw this video
This video was hard to watch the first time with my ADHD. Lmao, I had to watch the video once with no video and then go back and watch it with visuals again. Great video!
In the pursuit of being normal, the more you stray from being normal. Know that all humans, want to liked, cherished and cared for, that is our basic survival instinct. If more humans care about us, the more likely we are to survive and create offspring that will be liked as well.
My choice phrases and when I want to be normal is: "Lovely weather we have out here" "Did you watch The Game" "Do you like politics" "I think I'll use my credit card" Say any of those phrases at random and I think that's how you be normal but I'm not entirely sure.
Brillant insight on how the domino effect attacks society's ability to innovate by our own insecurities about each other, and thus we mitigate each other's individuality as a result, making all of us quite weird at the end of the day.
I feel like I talk to much and don't have anything that different about me. If anything I'm too normal to the point where I'm not chill, not that funny, not smart or anything else and seeing my friends all get girlfriends and having a unique personality makes me feel mundane and not fun or different to be around. One of my friends told me the other day that I'm not easy to talk to and it's things like that that make me think, what am I really good for.
Dear SOL, can you do a video about the relation between individual freedom and social acceptance? I feel very torn apart by this since it seems I always trade off one for the other. This feeling is the greatest obstacle for my social life since I generally choose individual freedom because social acceptance is much less reliable.
If people adopted the view you describe in this video for normality life would be a bit more pleasant for everyone. Instead, it seems people not only force the cardboard image on themselves but then make me feel guilty for not doing the same.
+pramitbanerjee It's a tough one. The only progress I made so far was to be less sensible to people's judgment and blame. In a way I understand their reaction: they put a lot of effort to fit social norms and get social acceptance and then I come along and refuse to make that effort so its only fair for them I don't get the social acceptance. On the other hand, it's not fair for me to make the effort because I give my acceptance even if they don't make that effort. It's like they gave me a banana even though I didn't ask for it and then expect me to give them a banana too or get shamed if I don't. I say "Let's strike a deal. Take your banana back and let's just be friends". They say "No, I'm giving you this banana because that's what everybody does and they have to see me doing it too. If you don't take it you're not welcomed here." I say "Ok, bye."
Not to mention there are social norms and trends that I find disturbing or bad for me. I feel a duty towards myself to resist them even if it comes at the price of social acceptance.
But the big question is, do you want to be accepted by these people? I mean, if you have to change who you are completely, what do you have in common with them? From my experience, as someone who struggles with loneliness, it's worse to be with people you have nothing in common and don't like than being alone. I think you should be who you are all the time, that's the only way you can actually form emotional boundings with other people, everyone has things inside that are socially acceptable and things that aren't. You should show the full spectrum of your personality to people you talk to, and it sort of estimulates them to do the same. How can you actually call someone your friend if all you know about them is that they are exactly the same as everyone else you know? What would be the difference if it was someone else in this person place? I think the real answer is be yourself and make actual friends that accept you for who you are and that you accept them. Talking exclusively with cardboard people will make you develop bounding problems. And isolation will lead to that too (I've been there), you will end up judging everyone as boring even though you don't know them and will struggle to connect when you actually try it. I've been trying to reconnect and I am actually making it, I got luck that a lot of people I met lately were kind, but I am taking baby steps. Just be yourself, make people happy with your personality, make people mad about it, make them laugh and even make them sad sometimes. (sometimes conflict can make friendships better, and only making things to try to please other people, you are not doing anything to make them surprised and trigger new feelings). And don't be afraid of making new friends, if you see someone you think is cool just go and say whatever comes up in your mind, yeah, they may say you are weird or something but they will remember you and you can just talk to them later again, and this could lead to some good friendship that probably wouldn't have started if you weren't "weird" for a moment
It’s silly to hear people say that most other people experience the same quirks as me. Statistically, they don’t. Other people do experience the same thing, but they’re the minority. In fact, with my most uncommon quirk, it’s almost obscenely rare. The chances of anyone I know also experiencing it are probably very low. In short, I’m alone.
How to be yourself around other people? It's so hard to be normal, people around me think that I'm weired, crazy and I don't know how to behave, they think I'm dumb.. but inside my head I'm more then that.. I want to express my feelings.. but I'm poor at doing so.. I'm not a good writer but I want to say alot of things.. I want to let people around me know what's going on inside my head!! Please someone help me
ya, big time of my short life i was wondering "How i can be normal? " "How i can be like the others? " "How i can be social? " Big part of my weirdness or social isolation come from the way i was raised. But today, i tried to found myself and i think selfknowledge is essential to feel better.Normal is nothing. Most important to that, ya it's a cliché, but is be yourself, your truly, happy and free self
I'm goth and a metalhead. I feel more free. Norm is just boring..... I understand people say not to judge, but norms judge me all the time for not being a clone.
i want to be normal.. i want to have friends and have agood social life.. too bad for me bc i was alone and i have society anxiety disorder.. this video really got me
But the desire to be normal is also an important social emotion, as it allows us to relate to others, and share in out problems or joys. People will often reject a person for not acting normal, as they then can't find an emotional correlation, making them feel insecure about how they portray themselves. Some people even go as far as to guide others into a conformed way of living, as they're convinced that if you do not live by the recipe of normality, it must mean you're unhappy. Understanding the social norms in your social surroundings, will cause people to trust you, thereby allowing yourself to open up to them with your true personality. Always remember that fear is just insecurity of the unknown. Only when the insecure is known, you can begin to see the details.
It's really just all about acceptance. Learn to love and accept yourself and your life. Do all that you can to get what you want and accept the consequences. -Amor fati
Finally a school of life video which i agree. İ was expecting you to promote not being normal and that kinda stuff but you too know that everyone is weird which makes everyone normal :)
Can you do a video on indecisiveness? My girlfriend has a really hard time making choices, even small ones, and it affects us on a daily basis. I would love to know how she can become more decisive and why she is so indecisive. Thanks, love your videos.
We have been trying to feel better about ourselves for a very long time but the real question is how do we change our society...being understanding and calm can only help you so much. You always reach point where things end up depending on the person in front of you....now I do understand that talking to them and understanding their minds help....but what after that?
What about when people tell themselves they are special, and think it makes them better than other people, not worse? Take for example, Harry potter- the protagonist is told that he is the 'chosen one', the hero, the savior. Very common narrative, especially in young adult fiction. Ironically, we ALL want to believe that we are special and unique. I think the sense of being different, just as it can be a channel for feelings of inadequacy and alienation, can be a channel for narcissism and egocentricism. Same coin, different sides. It's said that a superiority complex and an inferiority complex, are the same thing, just expressed differently- the superiority complex compensating and acting as a coping mechanism for feelings of inadequacy. So maybe the intense pride in being different are rooted in our fear of being different, and past experiences of hurt. Maybe your experiences of exclusion and alienation convinced you that you were just different from other people- and it hurt to not be part of the group- and later you learned to cope with it by telling yourself that "Everyone else is so superficial. I just don't like small talk." Another example, people on the internet that 'hate normies' come from a sense of insecurity. If you have a superiority complex, you constantly need validation- you take every opportunity to remind yourself that yes, you *are* much smarter than people around you, more attractive, etc. I think it's much the same thing with people who feel they need to prove to other people that they are different- nobody else likes this kind of music, I feel like I was born in the wrong generation, etc. Being pretentious. Acting different for the sake of it. There's a difference between high self esteem and a superiority complex. You can take pride in the special traits and unique identities you have, but also appreciate that everyone is interesting in their own way. Other people may be boring to you, but it doesn't mean you're *better* than them. You can accept and embrace the fact that you're different by dressing how you want, listening to obscure music, being a part of subcultures without coming across as a 'special snowflake- and it's wonderful to be able to understand ourselves more fully. Rambled on too much- tl;dr pretty much I'm saying people who appear to take a lot of pride from being different are actually insecure about it. Would love to hear your thoughts.
you perfectly described me growing up as a kid. i use to think everyone was shallow and superficial with their clique groups, etc. now, that im older, i can look back and laugh at everything. i took things way to serious as a kid, i thought everyone wasn't worthy of me, like they were peasants and beneath me. oh man, i was so stupid back then. the reason why i didnt fit in with anyone else, was because there wasnt enough kids with the same personality as me, i was just too different than the rest of the student body.
@juki0h tuki My comment's all coming from reflecting on my personal experience, so I get you :) Makes me happy to know that someone had similar thoughts to mine!
I've always had an attraction to the weirdness beaming here on the internet, and in real life as well. There may be a fear for some on how that gets showcased. I'd almost go as far to say the internet can welcome that more than real life. While both that world and this one carry free speech, the anonymity personally gave me less pressure on what is and isn't acceptable. Tangents aside, you've got a strong point on how we edit our lives to show either the best of ourselves, or maybe the easiest to accept. If someone throws out the weird, they may be tossing out the most creative and interesting troves of insight.
School of life, i appreciate the effort to touch subjects that are entrenched in most of our minds but are far too unconventional to everyday conversations, that makes us less lonely in our thoughts, creating a sense of connection to our suffering, making it a little bit lesser. But, it would be far more useful if those 4 min videos were only an introduction of the subject, and in some way those ideas and the philosophers that came up with them were to be referenced and indicated in every video for a wider individual studying and understanding.
This was absolutely Amazing. I am watching this in 2020 and this honestly speaks so honestly in such a manner with a tone of fact. This was a morale boost. wow
The other day I was thinking how i don't spend much time with my phone nor even talking to anyone on phone and instead love to talk to people in person and sharing ideas and everything being social in real world rather than on social sites. I constantly keep questioning myself that if am I the problem? Is it me who is not moving forward with technology and avoiding this new form of social life. has being normal have become abnormal now. I don't even know if I am doing right or wrong. Sometimes i think about to throw away the smartphone but then hesitate by thinking about the boredom and social detachment that would eventually come with it... When there were no smartphones, people used to go put and have fun but people now keep staring in their phones and eventually that exact moment becomes phony as if it was a mistake going out and we'd be a lot happier sitting at home with phones in our hand. Some sort of pressure builds like you need to be more interesting than the smartphone to save that night out. I would love if you a make video about how to deal with these sort of social awkwardness or problems!
I find it hard to fit in because I have Autism. I just don't get social norms and I always miss jokes and at school was always labelled as the weird one
I once was myself but it stopped on like the 4th grade, but now that im on the 7th grade i have realised that i have tried to look for every cool and funny person's best sides and be those, now that im this old, i have realised that it makes me weird and not a normal guy, like i have not realised i just feel so, not because of somebody else bullying me, its just my opinion, and now i cant find myself anymore, like my REAL SELF the guy who i really am and who i had been, and it annoys me, im only different peoples, and not my ownself😭, and now im too shy to even invite my one last friend to my house, like the only place where im with my friend is literally the school, i made this comment thinking that maybe someone could give advice on life and about moving on, and not trying to be a cool guy or that kidns guy who acts introvert but actually is exovert and so makes everyone around me always feel embarrassed. (And im also a male)
it is ez. first, cut off your eyelashes, all of them, second cut off all the eyebrows, then finally, all your visible hairs/hair. wear 3 layers clothes, a dark jacket or light jacket should be the 3rd layer and the rest is your choice, but the 1st layer for me is a t-shirt everyday. you can change the 2 inside layers while you keep your 3rd layer the same everyday. but remember to wash it every other day at home. if you have to go to school but the 3rd layer hasnt dried, wear it anyway. it will dry throughout the school-day as long as its not soaking. I also will wear 1 grey Ushanka Hat when the weather is under 10 Celsius. Normal cotton-made normal pants is also everyday, you can buy many of the same clothing too, so you can switch between the same clothes and keep them clean, washed everyday. I sometimes do that with my pants. I have many copies of the same pants I wear, from thick cotton pants to just normal pants. Which is long pants, by the way. This is me everyday. This probably helped you, so thank me later. :)
I really expected this to be making fun of the idea of being normal and tell us to be ourselves, but luckily it didn't. thanks for being interesting lol
I don't know much about what life is actually about but maybe it's not normal that I am searching for a guide on how to be normal if the idea of a norm is not to wonder about what other people are thinking. Just feel as what you feel. There hasn't have to be pain in pain itself. That is all that it is.
Social validation is not something everyone gets growing up. A lot of people like in my third world country don't talk about much beside customary and social milestones like education degree, jobs and getting married and have kids. A lot of people I believe don't get their need for creative and intellectual discussions satisfied, because people and parents around them are too unresponsive to this kind of subjects, and expressing creative ideas often put people on spotlight or warned to shut up and stop acting up, just because the 'adults' are to scared of being judged by other people. Understanding that people are not perfect is very good, but wouldn't solve all problems. Because some cases, the issue is that one is surrounded by severely uncreative environment. And then you could just possibly develop mental issues which makes growing up even harder, because you're probably gonna spend your early life convincing yourself that you're an absolute failure, while giving people too much comfort while they fail to measure your emotions.
Most of my life ,since I was a kid, never cared. I was never social and I never wanted to be. I had my friends and family and it was enough for me. But I'm starting to think that if you're not normal, or at least pretend to be, most people will mark you as weird, they will run away and you may lose some things in life. I mean, you won't meet new people, you won't date enough, you will lose many opportunities. That's the only reason, at least for me, to be normal.
"Normal" is subjective. Why try to set out a goal for something not quantifiable? My definition of normal can be staunchly different than another person's version of normalcy and vice-versa.
+Lizardheart average ˈav(ə)rɪdʒ/Verzenden noun 1. a number expressing the central or typical value in a set of data, in particular the mode, median, or (most commonly) the mean, which is calculated by dividing the sum of the values in the set by their number. "the proportion of over-60s is above the EU average of 19 per cent"
I know the denotative definition of average. However, what is the average of something subjective? An age is objective, normalcy is not. An analogous example would be: "what is the average happiness?" It doesn't make much sense. You can quantify it by saying, "What is the average of people who say they are happy?", however, this video is not about how many people think they are normal, so it's a false equivalency and therefore, linking the definition of average is irrelevant here.
Lizardheart The essence of being normal is having the ability to make other people feel abnormal. It is a courtesy that people pay to others to feel bad about themselves, their behaviors, traits and opinions. In doubting oneself, one seeks to truly know whether or not they are right, and gives the other person's opinion the benefit of doubt. However, such a courtesy will not warrant the support of others, but rather a circular validation of the other person's behaviors, traits or opinions. The human mind seems to thrive on such by way of the confirmation bias, and that becomes the cue for ridicule, shaming and making others feel abnormal. This courtesy is predicated upon the assumption that there is such a thing as objective normality; that it is possible to deduce or induce normality from first principles in a replicable manner by all people in whatever context they may be in. That if we do not confront others on their way of life, and simply do our own thing, that everything will work out properly. We see the success of others at being normal and assume that it makes objective sense for such behavior to be normal, i.e. that it is necessary to do that in order to be normal, rather than simply sufficient within a given context. This however, breaks down when we are questioned on our way of life; we assume that if another person questions us, they must have an objective reason to do so, otherwise they, too, would have stuck in their own lane and not have questioned us. We take this as a cue to turn on ourselves and our natural inclination to do things differently from them, and the cognitive dissonance that ensues leads us to feel that there must be something wrong with us on a fundamental level. That in order to feel normal, we must conform to the opinions of others. This is to say that there is no such thing as normality, that it is not possible to separate it from individuals (case in point, culture, and how different cultures can support diametrically opposed ideas e.g. it is ok to be gay or it is not). In order to truly feel normal, as weird as it may sound, we need to be certain of ourselves (or at least appear to be so!) and defend our way of life against its dissenters! We must not look to others for validation of our opinions and beliefs, and instead look within ourselves and our subjective experience of life to choose whether or not we truly are normal. The weird thing is that in doing so, we will begin to pathologise others' ways of life. This is not an intentional result, but rather something accidental to feeling normal. It is for this reason that I believe that in order to truly feel normal, one MUST have the ability to make others feel abnormal.
