something i like to do to release my feeling is to get in my car, drive, and (safely) record myself on my phone talking it out. it might be weird, but just pretending I'm talking to someone and then listening back to it, i get a better idea of what i really feel!
In gonna be completely honest kati. I have watched your videos for two years. And I honestly don't think I would be at the point of recovery that i am today without you! Your videos encouraged me to see a therapist about my self harm and anxiety. And I'm 47 days clean and I can go 1h10 minuets out in public without having a panic attack (which doesn't seem much but is a really big deal for me). So I kinda just wanna say thank you for all you have done. I have a question. I'm 15 and have really depressive phases and really high phases. And it's been like this for about 6 months. I don't know if this could be bipolar. How do I speak to my mum about seeing someone (as I'm getting better I stopped seeing my therapist)? Sorry for long comment! Love you xx
I recently experienced this sort of identity crisis. I felt like I had failed the most basic principles of being a person, and just awful about feeling so lost and blank. Thank you for this video, it's reassuring knowing this is a normal part of any kind of mental illness recovery
I find myself to be a very introverted person whenever I'm not at work. I don't like to talk much, I don't like to go out because I feel like I have nothing to say, and I spend most of my free time in my room by myself. I'm not sure if this is "normal" behaviour or not or a sign of something else. I've also heard that if you're someone who looks at yourself a lot and thinks "am I really here? am I really this person? is this really reality? do I actually exist?" that it's a form of anxiety, is that true? I do that a lot. It's almost like having an out of body experience and questioning your existence.
Such a good video about caring for the inner child to heal ourselves. Great comments to about checking in with your inner child before going to sleep. 💕
Kati, I love how genuine you are in front of the camera. I feel like you are having a conversation with all of your viewers instead of talking to a camera! For the figuring out who you are part of the question, I like what you said about trying new things. I am working on this currently to discover what I like/dislike. This really does help, even if you feel like you don't want to or that you won't like something. You could discover a new hobby.
Inner child work really is quite helpful. I usually try to do these things myself bc I am not in therapy anymore and I used to basically create a place for my inner child to be happy and safe(it could be anywhere/anything) and I'd meet with her every night before I went to sleep to sleep with her and give her the love I never received and the love I wish for so badly. That I am craving so much but have no way of getting. It left me feeling less worthless and alone. I really have to start doing it again because I haven't lately and I can feel the affects it's having. Also it might be helpful to sit down with your child self in that imaginary place and explain things from the past to them so they can understand why things happen. So you can stop blaming yourself for things.
+Laura Love i started doing that as well, at night when i was in bed i would kind of "check in" with my inner child. it was interesting the impact that it had on me overall. i stopped doing it and i don't know why. i need to start doing it again. have you ever wrote a letter to her? my therapist had me do that. i'm right handed, so i wrote to her with my right and wrote her response to me with my left. it made me cry. that was a powerful exercise.
+Katie O'Rourke my therapist recommended the book Homecoming by John Bradshaw. it's a very interesting book and has helped me. and i'm going to be working through it with her.
I thought this was really interesting. I spent over twenty years in verbal abuse and as I began to get a degree of freedom, I realized I had no idea who I was. so I started doing tons of new stuff I had never donebefore. trying new foods and music, doing little things that I felt I hadn't had the freedom to do and especially trying out things that I knew the abusive person would have laughed at or poked fun at. with time it helped me understand who I was about from that person and also what I loved and how I saw the world.
I love how relatable you are. Thank you for making these videos! I have learned a lot about myself and, people in my life by watching your videos. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us❤️.
I love watching your videos. I have an amazing therapist who has been really helping me but some of your videos are able to answer questions I'm either too afraid to ask or don't know I wanted to ask. On the 20th of this month I will be 11 months self-harm free. Next month I will be celebrating a year. It is a big step for me. I'm proud to say I made it through times when I didn't think I could make it through without self-harming. I look forward to seeing what your videos are about!
9 лет назад
I must say, first, you are awesome!! :) I think that everyday we are knowing things about ourselves. The important thing is that we do what we really want to do (if it doesn't hurt other people), that way we would be able to figure out what we like and what we don't or what it's a challenge. It's a constant battle because of depression or other things that can bring you down but it's the only way to get to know ourselves.
You were the first person to really inspire me to start therapy. I told her about you today and it just makes me so sooo happy that you've helped me in this way. Thanks you!!!
Thank you Kati...needed this today...it makes so much more sense now why I take on the words of my former abusive therapist. I am so frustrated about what happened and without anyone to talk to about it have hidden the feelings inside myself and when they bubble over I use all the mean words about myself I learned from her to express my frustration at myself.
Awesome video, I have been working more on finding who I am, and I have just recently opened up with finding my voice and expressing things, ideas to others, before I would just use a cop out statement "I don't know" so I would not answer( which is what I have always used at a kid as well) but my therapist has been really challenging me to find my voice, and I really can't thank her enough for pushing me. I now feel like I can be heard and that I am important, and I do have a lot to say. I can't say this enough, but your videos has been a great resource for me.... so thank you!!
Kati your videos are so helpful! Since watching your videos I have gotten therapy and have been going towards recovery. I hope more and more people get help too❤️ xoxo
Just speaking to your tip of music in e car to match mood...one cool thing we do at my facility are mood playlists. Our music therapist and I ( certified rec therapist) talk about taking our emotions from anxious to calm etc with music. You can start with really heavy loud angry stuff and slowly move it into peaceful slower music. It allows you to feel the motion and relate/express but not dwell on it so much. It's been helpful in my own struggles with anxiety too. I have so many spotify playlists to go to whenever I am stressed, angry or anxious! Thanks for the thoughtful topic. Glad to have traveled over here from myharto!
Another excellent video, Kati! I’ve been moving around a lot (seven times in the last year), but your videos have been a constant guiding light. I keep getting into therapy and then having to move. Yuck. But that’s ok. I watch your videos and that is enough to remind me to keep working on myself and to keep taking care of myself. Thank you for standing in the gap until I can get settled and back into therapy. 💙💙💙
New subbie here! I just found your channel from a hannah hart video and I'm really interested to go through your videos and challenge myself to improve my mental health. I have chronic pain which is isolating in itself, but I'm also super socially awkward and nervous around strangers. I sweat, I feel trapped and I just want to escape, I don't know what's expected of me and I just am really hard on myself. I also have a lot of anxiety and depression issues that are better now with medication, but I'm realizing it's also important to figure out why I feel this way and how to be more happy and relaxed so I can enjoy my life. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that you come across as very genuine and I wanted to thank you for your help! 😊
How long do you have? Hahaha, jk. My question comes with a story :-) When I was in middle school, there was this boy who was just a jerk. He would always make somebody the butt of his dumb jokes to get attention. One time in class (with about 30 kids) he started comparing the girls chests loudly (im a shy person and I developed early and have big boobs, so I knew what was coming) so he turns to me and looks at my boobs and starts snickering and talking about them and people started laughing. I choked out a "leave me the f*** alone" and he shut right up. There were a few situations very similar and horrifying over the next year. This is where my panic attacks started, sitting in that class. I would sweat and turn red and my chest would pound and I had to leave constantly and it was awful. I'm 24 now and have more confidence and would never let anyone treat me this way again. The problem I have is I randomly will get panic attacks and when I start to feel the sweat coming on I get so anxious and feel trapped and afraid that people will notice. I don't know how to fix it, I just want it to stop. Any tips?
I just discovered you today and have truly enjoyed listening to your videos. You have helped me! I live very far from LA but if I was nearby, I would call for a session!
I really love this video ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I'm trying to learn who I am. I'm 20, been married over a year and a college student. I really jumped into everything at once and holy balls it's a lot! But I'm better than I was 6 months ago. I do have a question. What is the best way to learn how to overcome the anxiety of conflict so we can actually deal with it? I know what I need to do but get so worried about even bringing up an issue I never actually do.. I love all you do for us and your amazing! Thank you!!!!
i've recently started inner child work in therapy. it's confusing, frustrating, scary and eye-opening wrapped all up in one. it's weird, as a 38 year old, to sit in therapy and all of a sudden feel like a 5 yr old. the thing that bothers me is, i feel like my therapist is talking to someone else, and i'm not a part of the conversation. i'm only hearing bits and pieces. and after session i'm trying to piece it together enough to figure out what happened. i just had two sessions, two days in a row. now i'm all confused and can't sleep. frustrating. but then i came here and saw this video and it has helped a bit and made me feel not as weird as i usually do. thanks Kati
Jo Jo I know that your comment is from two years ago, but a solution is to let your therapist know that you want to record the full session. That way you are able to watch and listen to the entire conversation from start to finish as many times as you need to help fill on those missing gaps.
I loved this video so much, I watched it a few times. I especially loved what’s your response to “finding” yourself. It is always an ongoing process isn’t it - Learning and changing. I am never afraid of trying new things. If anything it is almost overwhelming the amount of stuff I want to do. I do find myself checking in on myself while I do things, Making sure I still enjoy them. I find we are told so much by the media, the internet, sometimes people around us what to do and who to be that you can get lost. For me, it was being in customer service for so long. All I seemed to be (to myself) was agreeable which, didn’t help me once I got out. I also wanted to comment on the inner child work. I heard this concept earlier this year in a comedy book no less and it really stuck with me. I always want to keep checking in on her now that I am aware. Still working on this. It’s the true meaning of self care. Great video 👍
Q: I have MDD and my councelor has suggested I exercise. it's so difficult to find energy to get up and shower, wash my teeth and eat much less workout. What do you tell your clients to get them up and out? (fyi, I'm not working and am home with my parents.)
Thank you so much for this video - I have been thinking a lot about who I am, because I have been in a bad place, with depression, selfharming and son on for more than 2 years. I have been thinking: Well you must be what you are feeling and thinking. Like every single thing you think is a part of you. But I can't really handle to think that way, because I have a lot of bad thoughts, and if that IS a part of me, and not just something that exist in my energy, it's a lot harder to think about accepting myself.. Does that make sense? What you're saying about trying new things and to nuture your inner child, seems so much better, in my case, that is.. I love you and your videoes, it's amazing how much energy you put into it! Thank you
The who am I question has almost become a dead beat record in my head! I ask myself this on a daily basis! And then if I find one thing that in the positive I find myself beating myself up if I'm not perfect at it! Then the cycle begins again! Ugh!!!! This is something I struggle with greatly!
Hey Kati! I don't know if this sounds silly but recently I've realised that I have huge issues with relationships. I'm perfectly happy with flirting with someone, but as soon as there's the slightest hint that something could happen between us I just completely change and basically run in the other direction. The only time I've been in a relationship was last year and I really liked this girl but I just got scared and basically just switched off completely and we broke up. I don't know what's wrong and it's really affecting me at the moment. I love your videos by the way, they're amazing and so helpful to so many people :))
Hi Kati. I saw this video lined up with the rest of those people I subscribe to and began watching it with great interest due to its title. Now please, don't take this as anything negative. I usually find your videos uplifting to one degree or another, but I came away from this one feeling so confused. Even disoriented and dizzy, trying to find a connection to what you were saying and my own state of mind over the last decade+ where I have asked myself the same subject / question of "who am I and what is left of who I once was?". Usually, even with topics of no apparent connection to me personally, I can still find something to relate to. But today I felt like I was at the base and centre of the "wall of death" as I tried to follow you racing around the wall itself. Why and how this occurred, I haven't a clue, but I watched it again ten minutes later and the same effect was experienced. No need for worry though as I shall still be watching your channel with as much interest as always. Looking forward to your next instalment and home improvement too ;)
I take an ASL (American Sign Language) class every Wednesday. I suppose that can count as a group or something. We socialize a lot and for once I’m not afraid to socialize with that group of people. I’ve tried a Photography class a few years ago but only one class since there was no one my age or similar to me but I could try again maybe. That’s about it for this town though. There’s not a lot here. My book club disbanded years ago when most of the members moved away or got busy with life.
All wonderful advice and I'd love to go to group therapy. I can't really think back to a time when i was really myself. I can look back to when i was 6 or 7 years old and i was trying to be what my "friends" wanted me to be. I don't mean the usual "my friends are doing this and its cool so i'm going to do it too". I can still picture being about 6 or 7 and when other kids or adults asked me what i liked i just didn't know. All through childhood I'd ask what the person asking the question liked and, for a while, i would like that thing too when with them. Then as soon as i was alone, i didn't. I couldn't tell you what i liked, what was good about myself, what was bad, what i was feeling, etc. It's carried on all through my life, lead to some not so nice choices that hurt people, and even now i don't really know who i am but i can say therapy has helped me work towards learning about who i THINK i am becoming. The "trying new things" is a great one. My therapist suggested saving a small part of my monthly budget to try something new, just once, and i have found things I do like for myself. So not there yet, but getting there and definitely a better person for it. I do think group therapy would be awesome, if available, to talk to other people who don't really know who they are and who are all working towards the same goal as you.
The reason why I needed to start to figure out who I am is that I was gaslighted by my exboyfriend. He did not manage to trick me into thinking I have totally false memories, but still, he made me believe I am not living by my true self. I needed to rethink what I really think, feel, enjoy, what exactly am I expressing, are those really valid? And for some tough months, it looked like I have no idea about myself anymore. (Luckily it was not a very long term relationship.) My only clue was to remember what I used to like, and force myself to spend time on those activities, at least to test if those are really okay for me at all. I would say that is was a very educational experience and a big contribution to my self-development, I would've skipped the emotional abuse part though. I'm still not done with bulding myself up from scratch, but at least I am emotionally more stable and have some energy to progress.
Hello Katie. Thanks for doing this for us. I would like to see a "What does (disorder, behavior) look like?, role play style. Then point out the behaviors that help in developing a diagnostic impression. Does this make sense?
can we talk about treating the inner child? All ur videos are wonderful, I just really don't know how these are realy matching to what's going on in my mind.
This is a great video, Kati. Can you suggest a gentle way to tell someone I care about that I think that inner child work would be a great idea for them? It sounds spot on for him, but I don't want to sound like I am being pushy or anything other than caring. I'd appreciate any advice you can give!
I really needed this video, I used to be so creative but my depression has completely killed my creativity and motivation so I'm like . . . If I can't be creative who am I and what am I doing? For a while I thought I was the friend who made everyone laugh when I was falling over drunk, but then I realised that a drinking problem isn't a personality trait . . . It's a problem. So right now I'm just kinda waiting to find out who I am
first i love listening to all the info. on here, i dont even get that much at my mental health services.. But I am writing because i have an old friend, that i used to be close to, that i feel like i have to be perfect, and its not healthy wondering how you would handle it...and its like a love hate friendship....(oh btw, i have bipolar and szichophrenia)
I so agree with George Kati Morton you do have a lot of videos I haven't even seen but am working on it .i just get so bottled up at times I believed it's starting to hurt my body what should I do and how to pick a therapist there's so many different ones .I just lost my father 7/2/15 and I'm having issues about that what kind of therapist is it called cause I really don't know for sure what's wrong with me I feel so damaged and broken😢
Hey Kati! Love your videos so much ! Just asking can you make a video about depersonalizatio/derealisation disorder ( DDPD )? My friend suffers from it and I wanna know more about it.
Dear Kati I'm not really sure what I'm doing here but you seem so lovely and warm and I don't really know what to do anymore. I'm 15 and maybe I have depression. Since November 2014 I've been feeling empty and worthless and like every little task takes everything out of me. I'm weak and tired and feel so low and dark. It's like I'm looking through foggy glass and I can't breathe or see and I feel like I'm drowning. I think about death and suicide - not that I would ever go through with it - and i have self-harmed, thinking it would take the pain away. No, it just made me feel crazy. But I can't tell anyone, i can't even say the words out loud. I'm not sure why. I don't feel like there's a single person in my life I can tell. I want help, I do. I just can't and I'm sorry I can't explain that any further- I don't know myself. I'm not expecting a reply, no pressure, I just eh had to say it because soon it will have been a year living like this with no improvement, and that sucks. Your videos are brilliant, thank you for raising awareness for mental health :)
Hey I'm sorry your in such a dark place. I under that feeling completely. I would go check out Katis website katimorton.com it's an amazing community that is super helpful and it's like a social network type of thing. There's lots of amazing people there you can talk to and it might get you some of the help you need. I hope one day you'll be comfortable enough to reach out to the people you know and even get professional help because it does wonders. Good luck!
Hi kati! I have been pretty depressed latley, mostly from my ocd its very stressing. I don't find excitement in the things I used to absolutely love and adore. I also don't really have emotions.... today I realized that I can't cry, I don't feel excited about anything, I don't even really feel depressed. It's really scaring me because I keep getting intrusive thoughts like "what if I'm a psychopath????" "what if I harm someone????!!" thing like that and it's really bothering me. I don't even get chills while listening to my favorite songs! how do i get my emotions back? Why could this be happening?
Hello Kati, Thank for this video and all of your videos. They have been such a big help to me. Thanks to your channel, and after being in crisis mode a few months ago, i have finally started anti dep. meds and therapy. Best Decision Ever. wish I had been able to afford it sooner. Anyways, i want to say thank you specifically for this video. It really speaks to heart at where I am in my therapy. Having to gind who you actually are when you have been told to be someone else your whole life is a difficult thing. i was wondering what your thoughts are on people such as myself, who's dep. and anxiety could be linked to something deeper. Like PTSD. My therapist has told me alot of my problems steam from the majorly physical and emotional child abuse i suffered the first 18 years of my life, and how that can actually change the chemical make up in your brain cause that is all your brain knows is fear, anxiety, sadness, and depression. just putting it out there to see if maybe it might help someone else, like it has helped me to understand my mental illness more. thanks again!
Kati I'm really struggling lately. I'm still in love with my ex and I found out he married someone 4 months after we broke up. He recently asked me if I wanted to have a threesome with his wife and I'm heartbroken. Even though I was the one who broke up with him because I was scared of commitment, I tried getting back with him 2 months later (he asked to see me a few times before then but I told him no). Ever since he asked me for a threesome with his wife I've been so depressed. I'd never do that, and they're happily married. I feel like I missed my chance, that should have been me married to him. I can't stop thinking about it and regretting.
If anyone is wondering where you can find groups that center around your interests/hobbies/activities and allow you to meet new people, my therapist recommended MeetUp.com! I started using it a couple years ago and had A LOT of success with it! In my area they even have a few support groups centering on mental health. I always find it difficult to network and find out about new places and things to try, but MeetUp simplifies that process.
Is it odd that I just have no desire to meet new people? I can hardly keep up with the ones already in my life! I know this creates a barrier, especially in my professional life. I read all over to grow your career you need to network, and just like you mention here, to grow yourself or learn about yourself you may need to join some groups and such. That just sounds so unenjoyable to me. The older I get the more introverted I get. I just don't really want to deal with people past my husband and our families and a few close friends. I would much rather just stay home and do stuff at home. Is that unhealthy?
Hi Kati! I loooove your videos! Thank you! So, what do I do if I feel like I'm not a priority in my dad's life? The issue is that he lives 13 hours away from me. I call him, and he ends up always saying something about calling me back in 20 minutes and ALWAYS forgets. When I miss his calls I call him back. When he misses my calls he doesn't call me back, and I only call him about once every two weeks. Now, I'm just realizing that I am not going to see him until January and I haven't seen him since July. It's just destroying me. What do I do? Do you have any advice for me and dealing with this long distance relationship? Or any strategies to deal with the anxiety that is comes with waiting? Pleasssssse help! Thanks!
Idk who i am anymore cause there just so much shit going on .. i usually bottle in everything i try and pretend things are ok but its the,opposite. I feel like nobody cares so i just keep things to myself cause i dont know who to trust anymore
What if you don't know what your feeling? What if you have bottled your feeling away for so long that you don't know really what you're feeling anymore?
I tried so many times to talk to my mother and his companion ,nothing...When it comes to something serious for me ,like university,they pass.... everytime . they also seems to ''must '' be rude because they are older than me (I'm 23). This is the hardest time of my life.. they really get me crazy and make me agitated,because they are aggressive and really not open minded at all . (things like '' I can do violence on you or break a door because I'm older/your mother ). What can I do ? I'm figuring out that for this reasons I'm not trying at all , and I also really really want to specialize my self in something... But it seems like I have to stay here for there opinion ...and it makes me really mad. PS: I live in a small place in Italy , distant from all services( such us supermarcket, pharmacy or ..anything ) and friends..so for me it's really hard and stressfull not having comport
Kati, what if you know yourself so well that you don't feel like you need a therapist or you do already talk to people about your problems..then what? I feel like I have all these problems stemming from depression but I know exactly why I'm depressed and what I can do to help myself and I have tried doing those things but nothing will help. Even the medicine doesn't help. So then..how the heck do I help myself get better when I'm so much of a balanced person to begin with. The only person that can understand or help me is myself but nothing has worked. Which makes me think it has to do with the serotonin levels in my body being imbalanced and nothing more. Maybe I'll just always have depression and there is nothing more I can do..and that isn't me giving up. Just don't know how to help myself further.
Kati, I have a question and I'll be very happy if answer it. PLEASE!! How do I know that a person that is close of me is thinking about suicide or have already the "plan" of her death?
I don't know if you have answered this question already, and please forgive me if you haven't: If I wanted to download the books you talked about (Because I want to), do I have to be in the midst of a time when I feel I struggle a lot? To be honest, I struggle(d) with self-harm and a possible ED until recently, and I have the feeling I am really on the way to recovery (at least with the previous). However, I don't want to fall back into old self-destructive coping skills for triggery situations, so... I want to work my way through the books? Is this possible, or is it mainly meant for people who go through "acute" times? (I hope this doesn't sound mean to anybody. I just really don't want to fall back? :\ Sorry for asking.) Also, thanks for the video... Sorry if the comment mainly was about my question, though. I hope the person asking will feel better soon, they sound like they're on the right way :). Keep it up!!
Hi Kati, where should I go for support when I'm struggling with my depression? I'm starting to see a new therapist in about three weeks (I just moved), but I feel like my close friends and family find my emotions overwhelming and I feel really isolated these days... What kinds of strategies could I look into?
+smallestgrainofwheat hey... one thing that might help is that you could go to Kati Morton's website. There is a chat room and forums. Maybe that might help for the in between time.
+smallestgrainofwheat yes, i agree with Writterssoul. check out the website. i use it and it's nice to be able to talk with everyone there and get feedback.
#katiFAQ hey kati have a question I was diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder which became present 2 years ago when my really close friend ended things and I started to self harm. My therapist has been working with me and that's great because at the time it felt like someone had died. anyway she has been helping me form new relationships and learn not to put all eggs one basket, not push people away before i get abandoned ect. she has also helped me connect with my mom who adopted me from Russia when I was three who i have spent my life pushing away anyway my question is i am a sophomore this year and i have a BF and he is super sweet but he wants to cuddle and he tries to and i start to push away because I feel really uncomfortable being this intimate with someone maybe its my fear of abandonment ? anyway kati what do I do !!! I don't want him to think its him how do I get over this fear and let him in ? love your videos thanks anna ps. you should totally do a video on reactive attachment disorder
I know I'm not Kati, but I was in a similar situation with my ex be, he loved cuddling and hugs and holding hands, but I couldn't handle it, I would freak out at the thought of hugging or holding hands, and don't get me wrong, he was supper nice and I loved him, but I just couldn't handle it so I was always making excuses and avoiding him and I felt it was hurting him that I didn't want to hug or anything, I felt like he received that as if I didn't like him and was just with him to be with him, so I just strait out told him one day while we were talking (and trust me, it was hard as I'm not usually one to speak my mind out loud) that I couldn't tolerate it, after explaining why I thought I couldn't tolerate it he was a lot more understanding, yes he was still bugging me about a lot, but not as much, idk if this helps or not, but I just thought I should share my experience and hope it helps even in the slightest bit, if not then I'm sorry for bothering you
Please, Kati Morton, No Profanity! Not only does it trigger my C-PTSD but as helpful as your videos are, with A.H. labels & talk, I am unable to share them with my Facebook Friends, who could really benefit from them.
