How Do I Stop Enabling My Husband? 

Cancel the cable. Cancel the WiFi. Cancel his cell phone. Open up your own cellphone account. Tell him you can no longer afford it without his help.

He’s not a dummy, he know what he’s doing. He got a sweet gullible, hard working mama, I mean wife.

It’s crazy how some men can have no shame or embarrassment about not working while having a wife and kids

Girl, you have two choices: go through excruciating temporary pain of divorce and then move on with your life and heal, OR suffer the way you are currently suffering for the rest of your life with this man.

I had an ex like this. He had a bachelor's, a JD and a master's in education but no ambition to advance and seriously reduce his debt. I kept waiting things out and being supportive. but when his mom told me that I needed to get a better paying job - and never getting on her son's case - I realized I had to end our relationship. He freaked out when I did. I could have become a meal ticket.

Wow. This was me. I married a sweet loser, thought the love of a good woman would make him rise to his potential. Two kids later....I realized he was never gonna change. I walked away and he became a dead beat dad...he was a loving dad in his way but continued to be unemployed for years...almost no child support. Word to the wise: you CAN'T CHANGE A PERSON! Also...don't marry/move in with someone until you've known them for at least one year. And don't ignore red flags.

There's no way I'm going to be the breeder and the breadwinner.. Some folks have absolutely no shame.

This is why we don’t rush into babies and marriage with a stranger.

I was dating a guy I met online, thought it was going ok, and then one night while we were out to dinner, about the 5th date or so he says " I need to find a woman like you that makes a good income, so that I can just have my own small business from home paint motorcycles". Needless to say that was our last date, I was like BYEEEEEEEEEEE!

I had a boyfriend who told me he wanted to be a stay at home dad should we have ever decide to have kids. I actually like that idea provided i can make enough money to support us comfortably and they handle their part well. But after having known him a while, I instinctively knew he would use it as an excuse to be even lazier than he already was. I saw my life flash before my eyes of working, cleaning, taking care of him and the kids and was like no thanks.

I kicked a bludging boyfriend out after several warnings - he turned up at midnight knocking on my window begging to be let in - he was cold he was hungry he had nowhere to go - of course I felt sorry for him but I didn't budge and he's still alive and annoying other women now lol

Boils my blood as a husband and dad.. heartbreaking for her

Women with low self-esteem always end up like this woman. They have no discernment or completely ignore red flags. It's maddening. My sister is in a similar situation.

I dated a guy like this. He knows exactly what he’s doing. My ex wanted to be a stay at home dad but not do the stay at home parent duty. Didn’t want to lift a finger while living in my home, not working or paying any bills or contributing to house or children. You’re better off alone than carrying dead weight.

I literally cannot imagine marrying someone like this. I haven’t found my husband yet but one of the most attractive things to me is a man with drive, ambition, and a desire to work and provide.

Been there done that! One day I woke up and realized that he was never going to change. If I continue on with this relation I will not move in a positive direction with my life. He will be my anchor. It took several months to finally tell him to leave and I was mentally prepared for all of the drama that followed. He did everything to get back to me, called my family, he was loving and sent me flowers as well as being very angry. I kept saying to myself "BE STRONG - DON'T FALL FOR ANY OF THIS" It broke my heart to see him. 5 years later I ran into him at a gas station. He was broke and broken. He begged me to take him back. I said I am sorry it is over. Then went home and cried, because seeing him down and out hurt me too, 50 years later I know that my life is better for not keeping him in my life. You are a strong lady and deserve the best that life has to offer. Do not settle for anything less than that.

When I started dating my now husband, he lost his job after a year of dating. He studied for his board exam and when he didn't pass, he had depression and for a whole year became unemployed. I spoke to him that I would break up with him if he didn't sort his life out. Failure is inevitable but giving up is not an option. He had a job within 2 weeks, eventually passed his board exam. I also insisted he specialize in Dialysis and he now works as a renal nurse. Real men overcomes when given a task. I cannot imagine being married to someone who refuses to work.

Leave. Even if you aren’t ready for divorce, leave. My ex was a “stay at home” dad. He didn’t have a job the last two years of our marriage. What did he do while I was working? He was playing video games, watching adult movies, and getting high. I left five years ago. One of the best decisions of my life. I paid him spousal support for nine months. He went back to s and has a job. His parents supported him. That’s their problem, not mine.

Sadly, more often than not women are still taught that we need to be more understanding. That we need to worker harder to make it work. That we have to give up our needs just in order to please and save a relationship. But a relationship is not equal if one person is pulling the cart while the other enjoys the scenery. And as an empathetic person I always try to see the best in people, especially in the people I love. I understand the struggle, their pain. But I had to learn that simply because we love someone or understand them, we should never take responsibilty for THEIR action. You can offer help, they need to change and step up on their own.

You get 100% of what you allow.

I also had been married to such a guy. It was such a relief after I finally divorced him. Suddenly the house looked so tidy and my bank account wasn't maxed out all the time. And no more chasing my lazy husband with doing the laundry ect.

I lived with that for 14 years and 5 children before I saw the light. I surely hope this lovely young lady finds her freedom from this and a brighter future!

He “doesn’t like in-person conversations”?? Omg. You can’t even communicate face to face with your own husband? Leave him!! He is dead weight!! This is embarrassing.

Sadly, this marriage is not going to make it. I feel so bad for her. That old saying "marry in haste, repent at leisure".

My 1st marriage was with a “mom’s boy”, and I remember when we were a year or so in marriage HIS MOM pushed me gently on the side and told me “I just want to make sure you are not making him do house chores…” 😂 To just add, when I divorced him, I was single 4 years (dated wrong people), and finally met a guy who likes to be a partner. He helps me, just as I help him. We share chores and I’m much happier. I was even able to get my BA degree in 40s because I have support and energy (1st husband, that mom’s boy didn’t let me go to school).

What's up with some of these "men", lol? My ex got excited when he found out that I'm a responsible adult who could "take care of business." No, he wanted me to take care of HIM! He thought he was gonna move in with me. I later found out that he had a history of moving in with women. He also had no issues asking me for money. I remember breaking up with him and him saying, "everyone who's supposed to take care of me leaves me." Bruh, you're FIFTY. NO ONE's supposed to TAKE CARE OF YOU!

Good lord, this girl made a huge mistake marrying him and having kids. He’s her 3rd child at this point.

This was my life for 5 years with my daughters father. I ended up making him leave and not letting him come back. Now every chance he gets he tries to make my life miserable. All so he doesn't have to pay child support. He's got to go. The end, don't pass go, don't collect $200.

When men think being a stay at home dad with the kids means watching TV with a beer and waiting for you to get home to do homework / driving to clubs/ doctor's appointments/ bills/ food/ checking in with kids/cleaning /laundry /bathtime /bedtime.

I dont know how you could comfortably fall asleep at night next to your spouse, knowing they're carrying the burden of keeping the entire family afloat alone. Something's wrong with that guy's integrity, or clearly lack there of

He had a business before I married him and closed it down right after. We had 3 kids. After years of verbal abuse and him not working, I thought I don't want him to be 60 and for this to still be going on. I said study for a career or you're out. He wanted pocket money; I gave it to him to save our marriage. When he came home one day with a new car I went to check if he'd registered as a student and discovered he hadn't, and had used his study money for the flashy car. He'd thought I was joking about divorcing him - big mistake. Now, decades on, he IS 60...and he's never worked, scrounged off women all his life and is currently living with another hard-working woman. He's an embarrassment to his kids.

The question that need to be asked is "what was so attractive about this man that you decided to have 2 kids with him?"

Ladies, this is why you don’t marry and especially get pregnant by a low value dude. Think of your future children! 🤦🏽‍♀️

My dad was like that, he never worked since I was 6, my mom was the one had to work and pay everything, and also deal with his emotional issues, I am 37 now, and I am afraid of marriage because I don't want a useless man sleeping next to me, this is a main fear I need to overcome in my dating life ,if I want to get married.

Yep, this shows how there’s a huge difference between a stay at home dad and a deadbeat dad.

I am disabled and probably should be on disability but I can’t imagine sitting at home all day. I’d probably lose my mind which is why I work over 40 hours a week. it’s so good for my mental health.

Turn off the internet when u leave !!! I guarantee you he will start wanting to get out of the house. Letting someone do all the work, while your needs are not being met, thats a form of emotional abuse. Look at it that way , choose not to allow it ❤

I've known tons of women who "keep" their men. It's a lot more common than one would think.

It was already bad enough but when she said he doesn’t like in person conversations…about their marriage. Dude is an absolute embarrassment to men and I hope she leaves.

I left my first husband because he would never make a decision or take responsibility for anything. We had a checking account with both of our names on it but instead of asking me for the checking account or going to the bank he would borrow money from his mom and then she would call me on payday and tell me she had loaned him money. We had a discussion about it and I told him to tell me he needs money or write a check but not to go to his mommy for money and embarrass me when she came to collect. A few more times of that and I left. We both had decent jobs and our combined income so there was no excuse for what he was doing. I paid for the divorce, gave him my car because I let him take it when he left and he rolled it, but it was still driveable. I signed it over to him and told him I was not going to keep paying insurance on it. I was done at 22 years old.

I am on my 31st year with same type of 7th grader/Momma's boy....it doesn't get better, gets worse, they don't change. She is also responsible, thinking she is somehow helping him to find himself/be an adult, sounds like an over-functioning co-dependent partner. She will regret this if she does not take action and he may become very resentful and hateful of her ironically because of what she is doing to enable/help him. Horrible dynamic and detrimental to kids witnessing this. She WILL begin to question her sanity and existence. WILL NOT GET BETTER AS IS. Mommy will always side with her son and he will always gravitate toward that. Save yourself and kids please!! Stop being so "nice" & caring so much about him..he doesn't. He is doing exactly what he wants to do. John was 100% right, trust me!!

This husband is not an asset, he's a liability

Remember gentlemen, you can lose money chasing women, you won’t lose women chasing money! Focus! Get your finances together to provide a good life for your family!

My ex turned out to be a man child too. And his mom was always inserting herself into our issues. She needs to be strong and do a legal separation, then divorce.

Some dead beat dads dont always leave the family..

"He doesn't like to have conversations in person." Ummm...

My late husband was like that. It was both due to his overprotective mother and alcohol/drug abuse. Eventually he overdosed and passed away. I do feel bad because I think I enabled him by taking care of him. I am glad this woman is figuring this out early in the marriage because it is easier to solve now. John gave really great advice.

My ex was like this and had no direction or ambition for himself. He always expected me to pick up the tab and when I had enough and left him, he asked me, “how am I supposed to pay the rent? What am I supposed to do?” My response: figure it the f- out. You’re 30 years old, you f-. So happy he’s out of my life FOREVER.

I agree 100% with John. This man/child isn't doing what he needs to. Nina needs to lay out the rules for her life. She needs to stop trying to rescue this child.

This kind of stuff comes up before people get married and they ignore it

She’s already a single mom. What does she need another mouth to feed for? He doesn’t work outside of the home or in it? He doesn’t deserve to be there. He hasn’t earned it. Those kids need more than a deadbeat to look up to. He has somewhere else to stay: his 1st mom’s house. Wife can change the locks the next time he’s “at mommy’s” because I bet he helps his mom with anything she needs. Now that he’s got time to burn since this wife is supporting him and their babies. Nobody wants to be married to another baby when they have 2 already. That’s the opposite of hot. A man protects and a man provides. Any gent who doesn’t isn’t a grown up yet and isn’t capable or willing, not even for his own family that he generated. That came from him. How cold does one get to be to your family’s needs and still get to stay in the family? This man might be a coercive controller, an emotional abuser or covert narcissist. She owes it to those babies to clear their lives of this as much as possible. To continue to illustrate the mature model those kids require by editing folks from their daily life who don’t contribute to their well-being.

Bless her heart. She's gullible and he knows it.

Girl declutter your home and life until it runs autopilot for you and your children

It kills me that a man without a job can find a women and get married, and I who work quite a lot and make OK money can’t find a girlfriend. Wth. Lol I do pray for her though. That situation sucks.

She is part of the problem.. making him to comfortable.. I hope they work I out for the kids sake and their own 🙏🏼

My girl would simply poison me if I did that 😂

"Get a hobby" - Is she serious?

I had a 2 month covid romance, with him moving into my place after a few weeks (due to other circumstances). I asked him to leave a few months later...and to be fair he was planning to leave to move to another state for a job. But I was close to 50. If i'd been in my 20s like this lady and possibly feeling pressure to be in a relationship like everyone else i might have ended up like her.

There is something soooo repulsive about lazy men. My dad was such a hard worker and so is ny husband. If my mom husband become lazy I would be so grossed out

Would’ve loved some exploration into why she found herself attracted to a loser and her poor self esteem.

She married him. She chose him to father her kids. She has only known him for 3 months and she decided to marry and have kids with him. Ultimately she's responsible for her bad decision making skills. She should've waited and gotten to know him better before she decided to have kids with him. Now she suffers.

I never had a roommate that could not pay their half of the rent . This is the same for a marriage . Luckily I married a wonderful man , husband ❤ & father. I’m giving thanks 🙏🏼

Delony you ask a tremendous volume of leading questions. I’d be interested in hearing your show with more open-ended questioning.

My exfriends man used to say this stuff! She would complete applications for him, he would get calls and he wouldn’t show up! This man was like this before! They met quick, moved in quickly, married quickly, he literally found someone that would take care of him from day one! Yes he has a hidden substance abuse problem and his mom is involved heavily! 😂 I tried to get her out but her parents told me to mind my business because any man is better than no man…. TF NO it’s NOT! It’s their lives so have at it! Can’t borrow anything from me!

Listen, I have empathy for her because she married a deadman guy. However she CHOSE him. What is in her that told her that was acceptable? She needs at the very least serious self reflection and maybe counseling. Or she will choose another guy that is completely wrong for her.

I wish they would expound on who is watching the kids or keeping the house. Even if he’s not good at it yet, it seems like they both jumped into a life they weren’t ready for yet. Having 2 babies is no joke and both SAHM and SAHD job is definitely that, a job. I don’t understand how he’s able to do nothing if the kids are there… are they? Please let us know the kids are taken care of.

Whooo wee. I was tense this ENTIRE video because this WAS pretty much my ex. Instead of having people in my ear who were looking for my best interest, I had people who were looking to keep me functioning, by whatever means necessary. They will tell me to stay in the situation, and pray it out. One of the best decisions I ever made was leaving him, and not only am I living my dreams, am I bank account is great, but I’ve also found a very nice guy that I’m cultivating things with, who is the anthesis of my experiences. My heart really breaks for her, and I hope she makes the right decisions. Good boundaries, as well as understanding your needs in your value always keeps you from situations like these, and admittedly, I didn’t have any of that when I’ve married my ex. ❤

Spot On !!,, this is so familiar!,, I was in a relationship with a guy who couldn’t keep a job or get a job !,, he would ride on anyone’s coattails for support ,, scam people for money,,is master manipulator!

Young girls nowadays, want a man so bad in their life, they put up with too much! Or rush into relationships before making sure the person in front of you is being authentic. Now she’s got two kids to support. ☹️

I can just imagine Dave’s response to this - our ears would still be ringing 😄

Start focusing on nurturing the two little ones and not your husband. Don't get your validation from how much you give him. In your heart you know this is all backward, so follow that intuition. Another woman advising in a similar situation said to get to the point where you can rent a new place, move in with your kiddos, and leave him to fend for himself.

This poor girl is not the brightest crayon in the box and that’s why he takes a vantage of her.

My life story! Hubby promised to get a better job rather than delivering pizzas, never did. I started a business so he has a job, 20 years later, he says I am too controlling and seeing me for a divorce to take half. Never believe a man who makes promises, get a man that's already successful.

I will never understand how people get in these situations. While this guy seems like a piece of work, she married him and she reproduced with him twice! She needs to recognize those were 3 BAD decisions.

No romance without finance 🎤🎤🎤 drop.

Why would you tell your husband to get a hobby when you have 2 kids and you are not wealthy? He is lazy and will not change until you put a fire under him. God bless you baby.

He will not stop until he ruins her. So sad that even though she knows that she continues to hold out hope of him turning their lives together around. Empty promises 😢

I have family with a similar situation. Never understood why she doesn’t leave him.

Given how challenging the dating market is, I'm always surprised how often women choose guys like this

I suppose they texted each other their wedding vows too😂🥶

Her problem is she Married someone she did Not even know😯

“If you want to be a stay at home dad, I can make that work”. I can’t imagine a conversation that would make me less attracted to a man than that. Edit: was that a Fight Club quote?! 😍

My dad was the same way until I left for college at 18. Overnight he signed up for CDL school and was making more than my mom within 6 months driving trucks. His depression was just crushing him under heel. My daddy has a great heart and strong character, it's 10 years later and he's still holding a great job and my parents have been married 32 years. I just mean to propose that maybe her husband is lost, he has no self esteem, he feels like a waste of space and a burden. Or he's a garbage person, it's possible either way.

“After finding out he does NOTHING all day, I’d encourage him to get a…” Job? “…hobby” 😐🤦‍♀️🤐

I can't feel that bad for her he never had a job he just let his mom take care of him AND he was upfront about it. She also encourages him to find hobbies when he says he didn'tdo anything but take a nap and drink? She is mom number 2.

It's crazy, I know many people from Missouri and there's only 2 types of men there. Hard working studs who work sun up to sun down and have a good life with their family... and bums who treat their wives like garbage.

A friend recently lost his life savings (approx $35000) in a fake startup from a supposed friend of his late father who died suddenly last year. He also had to go on medical leave from his temporary teaching job due to depression for 5 months. Thankfully he’s turned a corner and he’s washing dishes for 6 bucks an hour. He’s also living with a friend from college and he’s delighted to just be feeling well and earning again. The husband on this call has NO excuse

The first caller married a manchild. I am pretty sure she must have seen red flags with him before she married him but probably ignored them thinking her husband can be a "fixer upper" and can change him. It makes me question why she thought it would be a good idea to have 2 kids with her husband when he doesn't have a solid job.

I had a husband like this. I worked and made about $400 (25 years ago) it was just enough to cover basic needs and not enough to be comfortable. I wanted him to feel that there was still a need for him to work and contribute. It took about a year for him to get a job.

Thank you for sharing your experience. Keep up the good work!

He can be a stay at home Dad as long as he does not expect a free ride. He still has to cook and clean and that is time consuming.

I've met people who want all the perks without doing any work at all. Always excuses.

I been there done that and got the TShirt... didn't get any better after 8 years

John was far too nice to her. He should have nicely scolded her for choosing this man to be the father of her children.

Sad state of affairs in this country when grown men don’t get up and provide for their family

Ladies stop moving so fast please, for your own sake

I'm going through this right now with my husband. Now I will say around the house he does a ton of work. The only thing he does not do is sweep and wash the floors and dust. He does all the laundry when needed and he does tidy up etc. He also makes dinner as well quite a bit. He lost his job a year ago and he wanted to take a few months off and live on unemployment and have a break. Now this was only after he was working one year. He was going through immigration prior to that and for a couple years prior he had a jobs here and there but for 7 years he was off work while I supported us and two of my kids. So 10 months after he loses his job he still doesn't have a job and well I finally hit my breaking point. I've been keeping quiet pretty much enabling him I guess and the last week I have let him have it. He gets up around noon he plays video games for a couple hours go downstairs and works out eats dinner or makes dinner and then he plays video games again until he goes to bed. That's his day. 10 months later and I've had enough. So I got angry with him and told him he wasn't like me. He has no drive to find a job. He looks on the internet every day at the same website looking for a job and then he just says yep there's no jobs. He has no driver's license because he just has to take the road test because he changed countries and he still hasn't done that 14 years later we are very close to having to go on social assistance because I refuse to be the breadwinner again. I refuse to support him. Now all my kids are grown and out of the house and I refuse to go to work while he sits on his ass at home. So in 6 weeks we will find out what's going to happen because if I have to go on social assistance because he didn't get a job well, then I will be going out and getting a job but I will not be having him at the house and supporting him. I love him to pieces but in my eyes I don't respect him anymore he's not acting like a husband. He's not even acting like a real man. Anything that has to do with my car I take care of it myself. I call everybody for appointments I take my car to the garage everything he does nothing. Anyways sorry this is long but nowhere else to put my experience up. Everything can be really good and you can get along really well but when one person isn't doing what they should be doing it breaks everything😢

John's face at 4:18 about sums it up

He is not alone, In my big family, at least 5 old boys and girls and in laws hidden from getting a job for decades! Stay at home, watching film series, drink coffee... ..

This is amazing, she told him to go to a shelter. My wife would punch me in the face lol