How I Got Diagnosed With ADHD at 29 

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Fun ADHD example - I am so perpetually late for everything, that a friend recently invited me to stay at his the night before our mate's wedding, under the guise of a "catch-up"... It turned out this was a carefully planned operation to ensure that my friend would be the one driving me to the wedding the next day and thus I would be there on time 😅

Im 38, my son was diagnosed with ADHD and autism this year, I told my parents who said "oh you were diagnosed with Autism at age 4, but its all made up. Its just your personality. You are just shy." They dont believe in it. I struggled all my life not knowing, and that really upsets me. I saw a psych, who said "yep you have Autism and ADHD as well." If only I knew, my life would have been so different.

Here's a "fun" ADHD thing: I was diagnosed at like 12, and my guardian at the time decided she knew better than the doctors and discontinued my medication really quickly after I got on it. Fast forward 18 years, one pandemic, associated unemployment, three attemots to get treated for ADHD, and a single semester at a university (rather than community college), and I'm literally in a psych hospital. The psychiatrist there FINALLY gives me something for ADHD and my mental health improves basically overnight.

2:07 - what is ADHD 4:21 - why did i think i might have adhd? 16:22 - diagnosis process 20:25 - diva form :D 24:02 - medication 28:07 - dealing with adhd 30:24 - some potential ways to help/support partners or friends with adhd 31:26 - do i regret getting diagnosed? time stamps for my video jumpers and attention losers! great video thank you so much!

My mom works in a hospital and it took FOREVER for doctors to honestly diagnose her with anything useful despite the fact that she, herself, is a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL (who is capable of a licensed to diagnose). She told me something along the lines of: "The diagnosis of 'hysteria' never really went away....they just call it 'depression' and 'generalized anxiety' now." The older I get, the more I understand what she meant.

Me: *thinks this isn’t going to be relatable to me because I don’t have ADHD* Also me: *has at least 15 flashbacks when Rowan mentions that doctors always tell women weight loss is gonna solve all their health problems*

Huh. I've spent my life with 'abnormal' anxiety, where I don't consciously worry about things or have anxious thoughts, I just FEEL anxious, like my adrenaline tap is always open. This is the first time I've heard someone else describe the same thing.

I was just diagnosed this year...at 32! And I must say, not having a diagnosis before has severely (and I do mean "severely") affected my development throughout adulthood. I've never been able to hold down a job, I've always been highly emotionally sensitive to pretty much everything (including but not limited to rejection and failure), and I was impulsive in partying and other excessive behaviors from a very young age (I'm talking early teens here), etc. All this to say that if anyone here believes they might have ADHD, please do seek out a mental health professional for an evaluation. Even more so if you are still in your 20s or younger. People tend to underestimate how much this can affect one's life. As I write this, I'm unemployed, and so far, because of my spotty resume, showing how much I jumped from job to job without knowing that I had ADHD, no company seems to want to hire me. So please, please, don't ignore the signs (including if you think a parent might have it, since it's proven how hereditary it is!) ... and thanks for coming to my Ted Talk :)

At 27 minutes in when you were talking about how it wasn't laziness and you were just finally able to do the task! And before you physically and mentally couldn't make yourself do it before. I'm crying. That is me. I have hated myself and lost so much self-worth over feeling that I'm useless and can't do basic things. The idea that it isn't myself and there is a way I can stop it is making me burst into tears. I really need to get a diagnosis.

Oop, I’m literally in the process of trying to find a psychiatrist who can diagnose with me ADHD so the timing of this video is perfect for me

In relation to the women getting overdiagnosed with anxiety and depression and undergdiagnosed with ADHD, I had an assessment and the refused to diagnose me because my base level cognitive skills were so high that most of the drastic dips that would signal ADHD were only a little under average. Instead of looking at the patterns, they just said oh you have anxiety and depression (I have anxiety but am not depressed) and said that my motivational issues were due to anxiety even though I repeatedly told them that one of the only things that could get me around the procrastination and motivational issues was extreme anxiety. My therapist eventually had to just go around the diagnosis and diagnose me with ADHD herself since she could obviously tell that I have it.

I have most ADHD symptoms but funnily enough being late isn't one of them. I am always early to everything like I get anxiety of being late so I always end up going to everything extra early just to make sure I will be there on time. I think it comes from the fact that I probably got burned badly by being late in the past so now I overcompensate every time.

One of my favorite adhd "symptoms": self-employment. There's an extremely high correlation between adhd and success in self-employment. It's been scienced and everything.

It's really hard for me to conceptualize my symptoms as a child because I had such extreme anxiety since I was very young that it would never be apparent to anyone around me that I was struggling with ADHD, but in retrospect, the constant fear that I wasn't remembering something, or wasn't informed about an assignment, or was falling behind on something was probably a manifestation of trying to cope with my forgetful nature while also being very high strung. And, anyway, even though I was regimented and strict with myself, I was always forgetting binders, homework at home, homework on the printer, things to bring to class, would forget where I put my calculator, ect. It wasn't until I became depressed in college and my anxiety wasn't able to compensate that I started procrastinating and turning to alcohol and escapism to regulate my emotions.

My spouse adds in "Kat-time" to everything. I am perpetually 15-30 min late, so he tells me the time that accommodates for that. This used to upset me but now I see it as his way of helping me time manage, especially before I had a diagnosis and meds. And I was only diagnosed and started medication at 34, which was Dec 2020!! Feel this a lot!!!

One tip - when they ask "why do you think you have ADHD" they're asking for examples form your daily life instead of what symptoms. I suggest leading with issues you notice in your daily life first, then going into possible ADHD if you can do that order. They take it more seriously if you say (as an example, everyone's symptoms looks different) "I always forget things, I have a really hard time with verbal instructions, I'm always behind on chores event hough it's just me, I feel like I can't get anything done even though I have the skills, I'm under performing even though I don't want to be..." Instead of "I have memory issues, difficulty with initiation, difficulty doing tasks I'm not interested in")

I am one of the few lucky women to be diagnosed as a kid, and it was as a direct result of a teacher trying to hold me back in KINDERGARTEN because I couldn't sit still - the district told her "no, her grades are too good to hold her back, sit down and shut up", and my first grade teacher Knew About It, kept an eye on me, and told my parents to bring me to a neurologist because there was Something Going On With That Child. I don't remember the appointment, but I was diagnosed basically immediately with A Whole Lot Of ADHD. And then the school district didn't give me educational support for all the same reasons they didn't let my kindergarten teacher hold me back 🙃

When you talked about the stereotypical adhd "type" I was so relieved to hear you say it. Nobody says it. I grew up thinking that's exactly what it was. I had younger family members who may potentially have been misdiagnosed because that is in fact how they act and so they were diagnosed and treated for adhd. It's taken me until 25 to understand adhd beyond the stigma.

Not judging Rowan for taking the sponsorship (everyone needs to eat and pay rent), but I'm really sick of companies that target ADHDers with that "pay to unlock basic features that make our app actually functional" trash. Like, great, one of many difficulties I have that makes it hard for me to get or hold down any job is also the thing companies want me to pay reoccurring costs to manage. Lovely. Not utterly maddening at all, really.

This is utterly brilliant. I wholeheartedly agree that the seperation that the medical world does with ADHD and anxiety is inane. Co-mordity and ADHD should be one of the central tenements on discussing how to better support people. Also I need to do the looking outside of one self first. Thank you for such wonderful idea.

I was lucky enough to get a diagnosis when I was in like, second grade, but I was given SO little resources to actually tell me what having ADHD *MEANT* my whole life that I still spent all of my teenaged years wondering "what was wrong with me" when the answer was a diagnosis I had gotten when I was *6*

I got my ADHD diagnosis at 30. I'd already been diagnosed years earlier with Anxiety and Depression, so I'd gotten into the habit of keeping a mental health journal. One day, I decided to inventory all of the issues I seemed to be experiencing that were making grad school so difficult for me, and ended up with quite the list. Five minutes after I finished, my internet crawling brought up an ADHD self-assessment form, and looking at it, I realized that the symptoms it pointed out lined up basically 1:1 with the points I'd just outlined. I dropped everything else I was doing and made an appointment with my psychiatrist, who confirmed that yeah I have hella ADHD. Heck of a way to find out, imo.

I’m 36, my roommate was diagnosed with adhd a year ago. i had panic disorder and was treated, moved onto anxiety treatment, and I am now stuck there. I am currently unemployed, yet I still struggle to get up or shower or go out. Or make food. After learning about time blindness i googled, started watching this video. Asked my roommate (with adhd) and she said no she doesn’t think I have adhd. But she does say my conditions are bad. And she thinks it’s a miracle if I get a chore done before midnight. I thought I couldn’t take showers because I used to have panic attacks in there. But I actually enjoy it now and still need an appointment that forces me to go out and take off my mask and have social conversation to take a shower. I never did anything in time, I was always late or worried about arriving somewhere. I am always addicted to something, or if I am not, I just lay in bed with my phone. Finished your video finally (2 days!) going to call the doctors in the morning for an assessment, please wish me luck.

My one tip for people who are considering seeing someone about getting diagnosed is finding someone who is actually very interested in understanding YOU, how you live your life, and your challenges. I have a friend who tried seeing someone but the therapist did a very cursory glance at her symptoms and told her she didn’t have it because it clearly isn’t effecting her that much if she can get all As in school. The therapist didn’t care to hear that my friend was still struggling, even if on the outside she looks very functional. Whether my friend actually has it or maybe something else, I guess who knows, but if your doctor won’t listen and doesn’t seem to care, I’d say just try someone else.

I also got diagnosed mid-pandemic, at 31. Turns out, having all of the structures you've carefully built around your neurodivergence ripped away from you with no warning is not great for your mental health! I got assessed by a therapist initially, then went to a horrendous psychiatrist appointment where he scoffed at the idea of treating ADHD and only cared about anxiety and depression (the speed at which that Xanax prescription was written was staggering). I was lucky to get referred to a much better psychiatrist who spent an hour on my first appointment (very hard to find in the US!), and was super thorough. He didn't talk down to me, and he gave me all of my treatment options with lists of pros and cons for each, so I could make the best decision for myself. It's been about a year now, and the difference that diagnosis made in my mental health is pretty amazing.

I watched this video like a year ago thinking "hey that kind of sounds like me" and flash forwards to today I got diagnosed at 23. The medication worked wonders and now so many things I found so hard are now a lot more manageable, Im a lot more confident and working on bettering myself. If theres anything I regret is saying no to getting tested at school for various things when I was a teenager. Oh well, no point in dwelling on the past

I recently found out at the age of 36. I'm not hyperactive, but "inattentive", although for me it's never been complete lack of attention as much as it's selective. I'll avoid the things I need to do until the last second, but if it's something I actually want to do and am passionate about, I get hyper-focused on completing it and don't move until I'm done. I also have issues with hyperfixation where I'll obsess over something for hours, days, weeks, or months at a time, then drop it (usually after a spending spree) and not focus on anything specific. But before long, I become fixated on something else. The waxing and waning attention is awful and has affected me most of my life from early childhood, but I've been talking to my therapist and might try some medication. Not being able to focus on what I actually need to sucks.

i was diagnosed last year, at age 31! but i swear to god, getting help for adhd has been like a checklist of all the things my adhd makes difficult. i've been taking ritalin for almost a year now and its not as effective as it was at the start, but my doctor quit and the clinic said they have no more space for me as a patient, although they will refill my prescription in the meantime. but its really hard to find an english-speaking psychiatrist in prague who deals with adhd and doesn't believe that it is a "children's disorder" :/

i was just diagnosed with ADD last month actually, I'm in my late 20s too. the hardest part was coming to grips with the imposter syndrome I felt, mainly because my brother was diagnosed with ADHD in first grade, so it was easy to dismiss my symptoms as paranoia or learned behaviour. So I am very happy to see other late diagnoses, thank you.

Not gonna lie, as an American, I busted up laughing at your reaction to your medication pricing. But that's mostly because I grew up in a broken system. Glad you got the help you needed though. Keep on keeping on sister. 😊

Diagnosed at 37 here. Initially the doctor thought I was talking rubbish as I'd had a job for 15 years, am married and have 3 children. It took my husband going back with me to help me articulate my struggles and advocate for me along with my mother's notes about what I was like as a child. It took 2 years after going to the doctor's to actually see someone, get diagnosed and finally medicated. But nothing as bad as waiting to see the ASD people. That was just under 5 years.

I’m 23 and I’ve been in therapy for the past few months and in that time I’ve started to realize I probably have ADHD. It wasn’t ever really a concern growing up cause I was a “#giftedkid” straight A’s, took like 9 AP classes the rest honors, was a year ahead in science, two ahead in math. I’ve always joked that I work best under pressure because I procrastinated EVERYTHING. 10 page research paper that I’ve had months to do, maybe I’ll make a plan for it the day it’s assigned but then I’d be freaking out and starting it the last two days. I’ve written 5 page papers the day they were due. Even justified not writing papers in a couple college classes because I knew if I at least got a C on the final, whether or not I wrote the paper I’d get a B in the class. That and you’d think with my grades I would have gone to whatever school I wanted, I didn’t apply anywhere. The entire process was so overwhelming that I never brought myself to do it and then was stuck with going to community college until I dropped out. Now I struggle at work to record my hours, or sit down and work on projects I know don’t need to be done for a couple days. My short term memory is bad, I’ll leave the house and drive halfway down the street and forget whether I locked my door and have to go back to check because of my anxiety. Idek how many art projects I’ve started, fully planned out and then abandoned after a few hours of work. So many projects that I would genuinely love to finish but now it’s overwhelming. As a child I would hyperfocus on books, now I hyperfocus on Netflix series, or scrolling through TikTok for houuurs (deleted it but now I just do it on youtube shorts) I have an appointment next week with an online program that does assessments diagnosis and prescriptions so hopefully I can get some insight. Update a couple months later: So the doctor I spoke with from the online program (I ended up going with Klarity because of pricing) after I told her my whole story was just like yea babe you definitely have ADHD. Put me on 10mg of Adderall twice a day, initially with the morning dose being an extended release version of it. Day one of it was fantastic. I cleaned my room for the first time in months, did a bunch of random chores, things I’d been like “oh I need to do that” for the last couple weeks, boom, done in an afternoon. I was definitely able to relate to the feeling of just whatever boulder was blocking my brain from doing honestly simple things was pushed out of the way. My doctor recommended I only take it on days I have work, and though after a week or so of being on it, I noticed the improvement less, I definitely noticed the effects of not being on it. Besides the struggle to make sure I’m properly hydrated so I don’t get headaches, the hardest part of being on adderall has been the sleep schedule. Skipping it on weekends or holidays would lead to my schedule being off, and then I’d try to just take one dose (not the xr) when I got up or maybe it had something to do with my diet that day but I’d feel like the effects of it were kicking in hours later at like midnight when I should be going to bed. We switched to no extended release after the first month, and since then I feel like I’ve gotten better at switching between taking it and not taking it. Weekends feel less groggy, but the sleep schedule is still hard. Today was good, managed to get up at like 8:30 but last week I was consistently getting up around noon and didn’t sleep at all last Thursday night. I have a feeling it’s gonna be a while til I’m on the right dosage and type of medication but at least so far it feels like I’m on the right track… Update 2: 3/10/22 Took me a while to build a routine but I feel like I finally have one again. I rent just a single bedroom and work from home so I got a loft bed to put my desk under and I started leaving my phone on my desk at night so that when my alarm goes off I have to climb down a ladder to stop it. And to pick up my phone I have to pick up my pill bottle from on top of it. For months I’d had the hardest time being consistent with taking the meds around the same time each day or at all. Now it’s been probably like 3 weeks straight of consistency. Which has been great for my energy levels and mood but I still feel so easily distracted like theres hardly any self control. Hell I’m procrastinating again rn writing this update. But it’s cause I just talked with my doctor about all this again a little bit ago. To stay on routine I need it to be every day otherwise it falls apart, which I think was making withdrawal symptoms way more obvious for me when I’d try to have a skip day. Switching to a different prescription that is a bit stronger so I can hopefully focus better and from what my doctor said usually people have less obvious ups and downs with. So we’ll see how that goes!

One of my biggest regrets is being put off after going to a gp at uni and describing my symptoms of ADHD, and having him tell me that everyone feels that way and the fact I was educated to a university level meant I didn't have it. I felt so guilty and embarrassed afterwards, even though I knew that was bullshit, and I haven't gotten up the courage yet to go back and try again. Now, it kind of hurts when I've been struggling to manage the symptoms on my own for three years when I literally could be diagnosed by now if he'd believed me.

Thank you. I have really been thinking about if I might have inattentive ADHD lately (and done a lot of research). However, although I can recognize myself in quite a lot of the symptoms, I am still unsure because of how structured and organized I am when it comes to certain tasks. The points you made about non-ADHD behaviours really being coping mechanisms sometimes, made me rethink things a bit. For example, I have a daily schedule that I follow, but that's only because I know that I become an anxious mess otherwise. Great memes btw.

LOL, "Sir, my anxiety could never." So relatable! ❤️👍

Currently in the process of possibly getting a psychiatric diagnosis (and more importantly, treatment). I’m in another country, but this video was still very helpful.

I agree that co-morbidity with anxiety often isn’t accounted for enough. I’ve been thinking about how a lot of my anxiety may have developed as a way to treat my undiagnosed adhd in the sense that it realised that the only way I could get a lot of things done, or perform in the way I was expected was to put myself in adrenaline mode to do it. I also think the requirement a lot of diagnostic criterias for adhd have for symptoms to be there before 12 can be a problem. It’s difficult cause I understand needing to prove that it’s something you’re born with rather than another thing that’s developed. But the problem is often adhd goes undetected until it starts causing major problems in your life (I think this is especially true for inattentive type, which is more common in women and people assigned female). So a lot of people might grow up in a household where their adhd symptoms are supported without them even being known, like if their parents provide them with enough but not too much structure, or if they have undiagnosed adhd themselves so they unconsciously accommodated for it, or symptoms were seen by both parent and child as normal, or if they enjoy and hyperfocus on schoolwork. So it often doesn’t become noticeable until high school or uni when schoolwork gets harder and more self directed, or when managing the responsibilities of adult life on your own is too much, or you can’t keep up with the amount of work it takes you to appear normal. And it is common for people with adhd to not remember their childhood that much. It’s not that I think it should be removed from the criteria but maybe it doesn’t need to be such an absolute requirement if everything else fits and there’s circumstances such as these. Like the first psychiatrist I went to asked me if I was told off a lot at home like “sit down and do your homework!” and I said no. Then I remembered that I would literally climb the walls as a kid (crabwalk between the two in the hallway) but I was allowed to do that.

I accidentally got diagnosed with ADHD-inattentive while in high school lol. My parents put me in therapy and had me psychologically tested bc they thought I had anxiety (I didn't, just ADHD and a dose of being closeted lol). I definitely wouldn't have known for many years unless I got diagnosed by accident :]

I totally hear you on the confirmation bias thing. The trouble is when you hear things like “you can’t have ADHD because you got good grades in primary school” and you realise you’re in a mad, mad world…

Watching an English person warn people about the high cost of a $50-$100 ADHD drug was kinda hilarious from my own perspective. Healthcare plz

Ooof. The "spreadsheet person" anecdote really resonated with me because I used to be that until I changed careers and saw that when I wasn't chained to a desk anymore, I don't make any more spreadsheets. Turns out all those meticulous spreadsheets I made were just a way for me to procrastinate while still giving me the feeling of being productive.

Me: "Maybe I have it, maybe it's just anxiety and trauma responses" Also me: *keeps zoning out and getting distracted reading the comments and scrolling recommended videos*

I am 42 years old, and this video set me on the path to finally be diagnosed with ADHD! Like you I was able to cope with a lot of the symptoms, to the point that no one believed I had ADHD. But now that I am diagnosed and on medications i’m not just coping with life but doing far better! I was put on Adderall, and it allowed me for the first time ever to be centered, to have insights into the people around me, and to be calm in the midst of stress. Thank you!!!

Ooh, I'm a clinical therapist myself who also got diagnosed in my last semester of my master's degree at 24, so I really resonate with your experience here. Loved hearing your thoughts on this! I've had such complicated thoughts with how neurodivergence has been discussed on the internet but I really like what you said here!

You're so lucky that your parents understood, mine have a really old fashioned view of ADHD. I came to them after having done some research, with a list of symptoms that I thought I had currently and ones that applied to me as a child. They didn't even read them. I was a little emotional because the symptoms resonated so much, and I was nervous about talking to them about it. So they told me I was just tired and upset, even though I'd been looking at this for days. I know they were not going to get it so I've left it. Now I've left the house I'm starting to think about looking into getting assessed, but it's scary after the reaction I got from them, the only people I've ever talked about it to.

I'm nearly 40, I got my diagnosis from my Psychiatrist 2hrs ago.....i can't describe the whirlwind of emotions and thoughts I'm experiencing. This has been a start, thank you.

Fellow late diagnosis woman here. I so related when you were talking about the “feelings” of anxiety. I used to use the word “anxious” to describe things I was looking FORWARD to - like “I’m so anxious to get to my friend’s house and hang out”. And I realized over the years that people thought I was saying I was scared or nervous about it… but I just meant like I CANT WAIT. My mom always used the word that way, too. Well now I’m 33 and diagnosed ADHD (and six weeks into meds my life is already SO improved) and realizing my mom likely has ADHD too 😅

You're the first person I've seen to acknowledge covering ADHD with coping mechanisms. I was diagnosed about 6 months ago at 35 after pushing through the "yeah that's really over-diagnosed at the moment" barrier; I'm now on a fairly high dose of Concerta. Early on in researching I kept seeing mentions of always losing/forgetting important things, being late etc and that's not me at all. I realised my anxiety disorder has been acting as a coping mechanism: I'm terrified of being locked out of my house so always check I have my keys, and know I'm in danger of forgetting appts etc so use lists, calendars etc. While my anxiety is an issue I'm working on I'm forced to admit some of its manifestations actually help me keep my life together.

For anyone reading this: I recommend the book Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World That Wasn't Designed for You by Jenara Nerenberg. Brilliant exploration and reframe of neurodivergence - especially in people socialised as women. Hearing your story is like looking in a mirror - both the childhood experience and now, at 26, coming to understand myself and identifying the coping mechanisms/socialising factors that essentially hid my ADHD up until now. I have not yet sought clinical diagnosis - I'm currently focussing on utilising ADHD-friendly strategies to see where they get me. But then I often find it uncomfortable using the phrase "ADHD" to explain myself and behaviours to peers without it being "verified". It seems absurd to me that my lived experience can't be valid unless validated by someone else. I'm currently studying to be a clinical psychologist and it is frustratingly apparent that the institution of psychology (and the DSM) have yet to really grasp how truly divergent neurodivergency can be. Thank you for sharing this, Rowan!

That “am I a spreadsheet person or is this the only way I’ll remember anything coping mechanism” part hit really really hard. I have my own RU-vid channel and I’ve got like 3 sheets of just data and information for my uploads, and my file folders for the content are hyper organized.... I’ve even made lists like this for just video games I’ve been playing... this just hit really hard for me. Thank you for making a video about your experiences, it gave me a lot to think about, and it helped me a lot.

I just started medication for ADHD and I just... I'm so glad I found this video. So many of the things you described I could relate to almost exactly.

I'm a woman that was diagnosed at 28 and suddenly everything came together. I had noticed years before something was off to the point that I considered whether I had bipolar because I had depression but I had been misinterpreting my hyperactivity & hyperfocus as hypomania. In between depressive episodes I still struggled without explanation. I hadn't even remotely thought of ADHD due to its association with rowdy boys until one professor noted I reminded her a lot of her brother with ADHD because of similar thought patterns, writing styles, and our approaches to assignments. That gave me the push to seriously deep dive into the condition. It's funny that you mention health care professionals dismissing women with ADHD as having depression and/or anxiety. I literally had an unrelated therapist post-diagnosis tell me my symptoms came from depression even though I knew that didn't make any sense.

The intersection of ADHD and other mental illnesses I've heard is really common and I'm currently trying to get diagnosed with a couple of different things and the medical sexism is the worst!

I just stumbled upon your YT channel, and I am in tears. You were able to express the feelings I have had for a long time. Thank you for sharing your experience. I, too am 29 and am trying to navigate my possible adhd.

I'm so happy you got your diagnose, Rowan, for real! I think it really helps recontextualize stuff and understand your own behaviour better, to be diagnosed. It's really, really uncanny how much I relate to almost everything you talked about. Diagnosed at my second year of uni with depression and anxiety; medication for depression handles the angst, but not the anxious; history of basically misplacing and losing everything as a child; daydreaming a lot during classes; stopped doing homework the minute my parents weren't checking on it every day anymore because I just forgot... And the list goes on. I'd written a bigger comment talking a bit more about my experience with seeking assessment, but I was afraid it'd come across as me being bitter for having so much in common and yet not getting a diagnose, so I just deleted it, cuz I really got happy about you feeling heard and the doctor not being dismissive at all. Never fails to get me happy when I see people who went this long without a diagnose finally understand where some of their idiosincrasies come from. I feel like people who go undiagnosed with ADHD live in this constant state of self-criticism, thinking they're lazy or disorganized and it's a relief when they find out their brain works differently.

I'm 40 and just got diagnosed on my 4th try after trying since 2008 (had to go out of town and pay partly out of pocket for an ADHD specialist coz there's nobody specialized in my city... the 2 insurance-covered non-specialist psychiatrists I got referred to in town (as well as the hella pricey psychoeducational assessment I got when I flunked out of college the second time) were useless because I'm a polite, intelligent woman with anxiety -_-;;;)

Anxiety being that "driven" feeling that is so often described is so interesting.

Hearing about that pre-assessor honestly broke me out in a sweat. I have had adjacent experiences identical to that. Thank god for this video honestly because I have been putting off starting the gp route and it’s clear I need to go private! Thank you xx

The part where Rowan is talking about medication was so relatable, that was pretty much my experience.

Having a diagnosis is SO helpful. I'm autistic and I have very severe ADHD (both diagnoses I'm lucky to have gotten early, being a cis woman) and I can vouch for how much my self-esteem benefits from being able to recognize that a problem I'm having is NOT my fault, and how much having access to accommodations helps. Thank you for sharing your story. I was just having a breakdown earlier today over not knowing how or if I would ever be able to fix the problems I've been having. The hopeful tone of this video put me more at ease. (Also I downloaded Fabulous immediately.)

Mind blown by that starting a task/finishing a task split. That’s genius. Also this video made me cry and gives me hope

I’m 34 I had no idea I was adhd until recently my five year old daughter has it. Now I’ve looked into it my whole life now makes sense! I’m not diagnosed yet but I know I have it. I’m in with my GP next week to get started on diagnosis

Thank you so much Rowan. I've seen a lot of adhd videos and content (How To ADHD is great) and read so much since I started thinking I am the same too early this year, but you've connected the anxiety and intersections in the presentation (or not) of symptoms like noone else has. I'd also wondered why I wasn't the type of kid who was getting up from desk at school or at work meetings; I know its different in different people, but I hadn't recognised it at all til you talked about zoom meetings with privacy at home with the camera off, and other stuff too. I hear adhd is super super common among entrepreneurs, and basically all RU-vidrs fit that kind of mindset I think. And probably have a tonne of other projects going on too. Like myself. Other people are often surprised how many things I have going on, and me surprised that they often don't do much else and are ok sat in front of the TV or whatever most nights after a day at work. Or me typically growing to having 100s of browser tabs open in multiple windows, between occasional massive tidy sessions closing down the ones I'll never finish with (if I can let myself). Theres probably some trauma intersecting there too. Remember, so often some other family members will have it too cos theres a big genetic component to it, and that might also be why its not picked up on if parents didn't get diagnosed when they were young (wasn't much awareness, even though its recognised since 1920, and more examined and collected with full set of differences into adhd name and less pathologised since er..60s). Its just seen as "just how they are" in those families.

I have to say my wife and I had the privilege of being diagnosed young, however the only downside was that our parents had no idea what to do. I was diagnosed with Autism and my wife was diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety. My parents did research but they went to Autism Speaks(A well known Autism hate group ran by non-autistic people that have a long history with abuse towards Autistic people) to do it and I ended up going to ABA Therapy(no horror stories from me just them teaching me how to "mask my symptoms"). I just had to do My own research into groups ran by Autistic people(like A.S.A.N.), and reach out to other autistic people online. My wife's mom didn't any form of research. She just treated her as if she wasn't diagnosed and didn't take it into consideration at all, which was passed on to her ignorant teachers as well. She would always get into to trouble, being told by different people that she was to hyper and by others that she was lazy and unfocused. When I went to tell my wife(then girlfriend) that I was Autistic, I was fully expecting for me to have to explain to her what Autism was while at the same time trying to unravel any assumptions or stigmas that she had already developed. Instead I found out that not only did she do her own research into ADHD due to her mom's lack of initiative, she also had large folders on Autism, ADD, Anxiety, Tourettes, PTSD, etc. I am very blessed to have such a commited and well informed wife and I can't wait for us to be parents.

As someone with ADHD felt completely seen when you talked about not doing things until the last minute, seeing as I was watching this video instead of doing my hand-ins knowing I ought to do them to prevent stress tonight. The info provided really is something I wish had known 20 years ago, as your experience very much mirrors mine, and could have contributed to me not being so mad at myself all the time for not having the ability to just do basic stuff, despite internally yelling at myself to just get up and do them. I hope your video will help more people feel better about their own minds

What an amazing lovely and genuine person you are. These words are like an actual copy of my life. You have prompted me to try and get a diagnosis. After years of being treated for depression and some thing STILL isn't right in my brain . This has been going on for years since I was in school 25 years ago up until now and I'm 42. We owe it to ourselves to get recognised and the right treatment xx thank you ..you wonderful soul xxxx ❤

My biggest missed red flag from my childhood is that I never once completed a homework assignment throughout high school. That raised no eyebrows from any of my teachers. When I realized I had adhd it just made so much sense

I relate to this whole video a lot. I got diagnosed with autism at 28 years old and it was quite a process to get it done. Turns out I'm a pretty typical autistic person, if you consider AFAB representations of autism. I think that's also why adult diagnoses are going up, a lot of AFAB people are realizing that maybe it's not "just" depression and/or anxiety, but ADHD or autism!

i was diagnosed as a kid, but i only really learned about it as an adult when i stumbled across some information that explained a lot. i never knew growing up how much of my life choices and personality probably came from my adhd. my school had resources to help students with adhd but i wasn't allowed access to them because i wasn't taking medication.

I would LOVE to hear more about how you organize your life! The colour coding and everything! This video is absolutely lovely, thank you for making it. You seem very resourceful to have compensated so well for your symptoms. It would be great to learn more about how you do it in your everyday life.

Oh god, I just talked to my psicologist last week about the possibility of having ADHD and finding a psychiatrist, and we talked about how I just have anxiety and I've been trying to forget the whole thing and now there's this video lol

Fun Fact: I would leave my homework until the morning it was due, usually whipping it off as the teacher was taking attendance or whatever. 😂 Being wicked smart & female really makes getting an ADHD-I diagnosis difficult; I didn't have much trouble with school, because the work was ridiculously easy for me. I never studied for tests & generally got A's by just halfheartedly listening to the teacher while I read a book in class. Homework was always the area I'd get poor marks in (though I could usually pull off a C-), because -like you- it just didn't exist. (My mom would be baffled at how I could walk past the sink full of dishes MULTIPLE TIMES & 'not see it', but I didn't; like homework, it just didn't exist. She said since it was my single chore, I needed to learn to see it! 😆). They decided to put me in 'advanced' programs, where I also excelled, so then they shipped me over to the fancy prestigious college (university) prep school, where I promptly imploded. I had no clue how to ACTUALLY study, or take proper notes, & homework actually, like, mattered here. Oops. When I was 11, my younger brother was diagnosed with ADHD, & in reading up on how to help him, my mom realized she likely had ADHD-I & got herself diagnosed. Why no one thought to get *ME* diagnosed, I'll never know. I guess they thought the depression & anxiety were more pressing issues to be dealt with...perhaps 30 years ago they didn't fully grasp that those could be due to untreated ADHD . 😕) After a tumultous time in my teens & 20s with ED, the aforementioned depression & anxiety, chronic pain (hi, endometriosis!) and a touch of a addiction thrown in just to spice up the brew, I finally got things adjusted somewhat by my early 30s. I have an ADHD dx now, but times being what they are, I have to be rediagnosed by a neuropsychiatrist in order to get meds. Until then, I'm making due with what is legally available to me, but...things are still rather chaotic. I am already seeing the signs in my 8 year old daughter; it was especially noticeable to ME when she did 'remote learning' for school last year - like you, when she had a teacher supervising, she was able to do her work well & was wicked engaged in learning, but as soon as she was to do her self-directed work, her brain nope'd right outta there. 😄 Unfortunately, she only had about 2hrs of video class spread throughout the day. (But hey, at least now I know she'd probably do better with one of those online schools that requires you to be on camera & in chat the whole day if she ever needs remote learning again! lol) I'm trying to get her to understand the importance of creating some kind of structure for herself (like a specific routine of coat/shoes/bookbag/keys/etc when she gets home) because it's good for anyone, but it's VITALLY important if she ends up having ADHD-I like her momma & grandmomma. 😁 I am working on getting her to the right people so she can get a dx & perhaps some therapy to learn how to deal with much of the rest of the world not wanting things done in the way she does them best and -if needed- medication. I don't want her to suffer the way my mom & I did (especially hearing the dreaded 'she's not living up to her potential!') & I want her to learn techniques to function in whatever ways make her feel best. If you made it here, thank you for reading my novel! (Them: "Tell me you have ADHD without telling me you have ADHD" Me: Have you seen my RU-vid comment history...?)

omg I'm so glad someone can relate to quarantine absolutely destroying all my coping / masking. I haven't been diagnosed with adhd but I show alot of symptoms you've described

Oh my goodness I'm so glad I found this video! I've suspected that I might have adhd for a while now but have been nervous to bring it up with the doctors. I have various other health conditions that are such hard work to deal with within the NHS that the thought of trying to add some mental health stuff into the mix is just so overwhelming. All of the 'how to get a diagnosis' advice I've seen has been American or Canadian based which obviously doesn't work here. Thank you for sharing this information and your experience. It's been incredibly helpful xx

Don't forget all the doctors telling women that they must be pregnant, and explaining all symptoms with iron and/or vitamin D deficiency! Thank you for sharing your experience. It may not be completely the same in other countries, but at least I got a sense of how things proceed and what to expect. By the way, the memes at the end were playing way too fast to read and process.

Side note: you said your family had a very engagement style of conversation - in case you didn't know, because it's super interesting and you should look it up, Lingthusiasm has a podcast on conversation styles: Lingthusiasm Episode 39: How to rebalance a lopsided conversation. It's an actual linguistic/cultural thing, that in high involvement like your family it's rude to NOT interrupt, and the opposite is high considerate, where it's rude to not leave spaces for people to say their bit. Interesting, right! :D

Oh my goodness - you're so lovely to listen to. I'm resonating so much with your entire experience.. I've been a musician student/freelancer for most of my adult life (30 now) and I've been struggling so much with myself. The feeling of anxiety, the lack of structure and the struggle with keeping times etc - yet beeing to smart and seemingly organized for anyone to suspect anything. The anxiety over isolation and irregular life of a musician finally made me start studying engineering recently and it feels so much calmer with this external structure and mass of information to process - but there is a hint of sadness inside that maybe I've dropped my career as a musician simply because the struggles of living with an ADHD-brain in that context was just to hard for me.. We'll see - will now resume the video and continue enjoing your story! Thanks for making this!

I think you may have just changed my life for the better

Honestly the most useful thing I've found is the tips from "How to ADHD" and my bullet journaling (which is something I've been doing for years as a bit of a coping mechanism). I don't have a formal diagnosis but my theraphist (who's kid has it presenting similarly) and I agree that this is something I most likely do have. I don't really want to medicate so we are working with other ways to manage it (I also recognize that I don't have that many issues because I've kind of intuitevely built in coping mechanisms that are not unhealthy).

Diagnosis at 36. Welcome to the club! *cries*

I saw this video 8 months ago and wanted to return and let you know this was the catalyst for me getting in touch with a specialist/therapist and after 7 months of therapy and an ADHD assessment later, I was diagnosed with combination inattentive/hyperactive ADHD. I'd suspected I *might* have it since the pandemic lockdowns began in 2020, and the more I thought about my childhood/schooling + college ... it just seemed like it all fit. I went into the sessions with an open mind like you did, open to it not being ADHD but that something was def wrong. I was surprised when they were super receptive to that, in the past I've had very negative experiences with self-dx conversations and doctors. Thank you so SO much for this video. I'm happy to say I'm medicated now and on the right track of re-learning how to just ... use my brain :)

This was super helpful as the partner of someone who's on the waiting list for an adhd diagnosis. Will definitely be trying out that chores hack!!

I felt very strange getting my ADHD diagnosis. I could practically read the diagnosis criteria as the psychiatrist read them, and she seemed very "ticking-the-box"-heavy on her diagnosis approach. It's very clear that I have ADHD, but the less rigorous assessment makes me almost feel like the diagnosis wasn't real? Idk. Something the psychiatrist was definitely considering but didn't follow up on is the possibility of autism. At the time I was sure I had ADHD and not autism, but as time goes on and I become more in-touch with my neurodivergence I am beginning to think that I have both. I cannot be bothered getting another diagnosis though

You know, I keep having the on-again, off-again relationship of whether I might have either ADHD and/or autism, and then I remember all the times it took me way too long to do basic things back in school like getting all my stuff out for a lesson and taking forever to pack it all up for the next class (and the fear of being left behind in my classes if I missed a day because my brain would insist on trying to catch up in chronological order of all of our lessons instead of revisiting missed lessons later), being afraid I'd forget a textbook that I stored _everything_ I needed for that year into that bag to the point I could effectively break a bone or two if I dropped it on someone's foot (because the fear of forgetting what I needed was worth back pain and bad posture according to kid me's logic), how the teacher's aid would consistently hover over my shoulder every single time I had textiles class despite the fact I fully well understood how to assemble a garment on my own but was insisted that I needed the help (I suspect she knew something was off but didn't say anything), and just now having the _"oh no"_ moment of learning that Slow Processing Speed is a symptom of both ADHD and Autism and I've had clear signs of it for 2 decades now also doesn't help I live with gene donors who consistently believe that anyone who doesn't show "severe" symptoms (read: extreme versions of stereotypes of neurodivergency) can't possibly be neurodivergent, basing my sibling's non-verbal autism mixed with the mental age of a toddler as their idea of autism, so now I can't actually go and verify if I have an issue with a licenced professional without getting mocked

Your journey mirrors mine in so many ways. From the nature of your diagnosis to the age at which you were officially diagnosed. You have helped me realise a few additional things as well, as anxiety has not been something I have linked to hyperactivity in the past. My hyperactivity is very much internal, and we often forget that it exists in forms other than a hysterical, screaming child.

Amazing detail in this honest talk!! I nodded all the way through, feeling completely the same about your sentiments. I feel relieved to finally talk to a private doctor about my suspicions soon, here in the US. As a creator myself, I assumed this was so normal for me as an artist to start so many projects and keep myself so busy I would burn out. 😅 Whew! I can’t wait for a final say.

Omg congratulations!! You joined us in the late ADHD bloomer brigade! You can look forward to having constant revelations about all your past behaviours and never stopping talking about it, and being mildly disappointed when nobody else around you finds this as interesting as you do 😅😂

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid and for a long time, I thought that was just a misdiagnosis of my sleep disorder. Now, in my mid 20s, with my sleep disorder more under control, I’m realizing that ADHD actually fits my experience very well. Everything from extreme fear of rejection, executive dysfunction, and my need to always be moving and doing something

Thank you for making this video. I was recently diagnosed at 28 so I’ve been looking for relatable content

I have such a similar story- it's spooky! But also helpful, thank you for sharing. I actually had a traumatic childhood so I got diagnosed with C-PTSD as a late teen and I was going through therapy for years afterwards. But then I got to a point where I felt more accepting of what happened but I was still having these behavioral issues that I could not control for the life of me. Then I started seeing all these ADHD relatability posts and was like, "wait, that's specific to ADHD? That's not everyone??" Then I googled specific symptoms and I became more convinced. And I thought maybe I had it but I didn't think I needed treatment for it. But the more I learned about how it can affect mood and behaviors, the more I think that my ADHD is getting in the way of treating my C-PTSD- like, the way they overlap is causing a Super Symptom. I always avoided meds before because it sounded mentally exhausting and unnecessary (👀) but now I think meds are the only way forward so I'm looking for a psychiatrist sooner rather than later now. This helped me mentally prepare for that process so thanks!

I'm glad your experience getting diagnosed was relatively ok. I went for an adult adhd diagnosis through the NHS about 3 years ago and got completely messed around. I was in a bad time trying to get a job when I started it, and was able to get an assessment just 6-9 months after I applied, but by then I'd just got a job, and the extra structure majorly got me straightened out (since then, I've had plenty of time to get wonky again, but oh well). The person told me that from everything they'd heard, I'd have been a shoe-in for a diagnosis had I seen them a month earlier, but that where I was at that point (which was basically my best moment) they didn't think they could do anything. I'm still kinda pissed off about that. I'm perfectly happy describing myself as having an adhd diagnosis (on all but paper), but the inability to access medication is really frustrating. I've taken to using nicotine patches (stimulants are stimulants, and nicotine patches are one of the safest stimulants that's readily available seeing as I dislike coffee and most energy drinks) sometimes, but I feel like having something more targeted would definitely be an advantage It's also weird hearing you suggest having the person with adhd start all the tasks, because of me starting the task is almost always the difficult bit, rather than getting distracted halfway through! It's also weird to me that you're only 2 years older than me, I'm used to people on youtube being either 5 or more years older than me!

i got diagnosed with adhd at 23 and i’m now almost 25 and in the process of getting an autism diagnosis as well :’D

So I was just browsing ADHD stuff and this came up - glad to see you doing well! Yet to go for a formal diagnosis myself but pretty sure there’s something about it that’s me

Been going through the ADHD diagnosis process and just stumbled on this vid. Your story is literally a mirrored version of my experience so far in the US. I was so frustrated with knowing I had essentially every symptom but the assessors my insurance accepted weren’t accepting anyone new. So I paid out of pocket because I couldn’t manage waiting. Glad to be reaffirmed I wasn’t losing my mind

Oh my gosh, the anxiety thing! whenever my therapist asked me what's making me anxious, I could only place the constant anxiety feeling, and feel frustrated that I couldn't tell what's making me anxious or why I'm feeling this way. and it's definitely hyperactivity anxious!

23:27 my doctor also has adhd which made the diagnosis very easy for her despite me thinking my issues were caused by anxiety. we need more ppl with adhd as doctors and therapists!!

This is a great video! I definitely understand what you mean about seeing changes in yourself during covid quarantining. That was when I really began to see symptoms show themselves.

since being diagnosed with ADHD, I've realized just how much I was able to mask my ADHD as an adolescent, especially going into middle and high school, and I've since learned about a condition called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which is basically an extreme form of masking in fear of being rejected and can manifest in both ASD and ADHD. as an untreated adult, though, I've noticed it's become exceedingly harder and harder to mask my symptoms and I'm almost desperate to start on medication but the healthcare system in the U.S. (especially in LA county) has been so incredibly slow and convoluted since the pandemic so I've been waiting like 8 months just to get insured properly and actually meet with a psychiatrist. I'm so glad that this disorder is becoming so much more de-stigmatized these days, though! it feels so good to know that I'm not alone.

I think the most important thing that emerges from this video is that while looking up symptoms and comparing them to your own experiences is super useful as an orientation tool, self diagnosis should never be a substitute for the expertise and the help a professional can provide. I'm genuinely thankful you decided to share your medical journey Rowan, I'm absolutely positive it's going to help many people!! And I'm very happy you're doing better :D