How K-POP Exploits Your Loneliness 

yo im back!! but bad news ill be dissapearing again for another 2 weeks or smthn i dont really know im just really busy rn (more details soon on my community post), for the meantime enjoy this video and follow my spotify pls x: open.spotify.com/user/31e262xprrveirscl7xqhheyuvnq?si=b7302810f36b4ecd love yall!✌

I don’t stan but consume a lot of Kpop content. Instead of going out and socialising, I sit at home and watch Kpop content from bunch of groups. This video makes so much sense even for a casual fan like me

Back when I was in college, I would say I was a bit of a parasocial demon. I pre-ordered all their albums (signed if I could get my hands on em) and watched every interview and variety show they appeared on. I went to their concerts whenever they were in town. A part of me was hoping they would notice me in the crowd, or I’d run into them at a Starbucks in the area, or something else delusional. One time, I got the chance to do a meet and greet after one of their concerts where you high five and say hi to the members. I was so excited to finally meet the people I idolized, but after it did happen, something in me died that day. I realized that they were everything to me, and I was just one of many fans. I used them to escape my lonely and stressful student life. Once I realized this, I started to distance myself. Started to make friends, even ones who liked kpop. I’m just a casual listener now, but I’ll always be grateful for the times their music gave me comfort.

I agree that kpop does bring happiness (in a way) cause it's a music industry (basically) and music does bring emotions like happiness. Finding motivation from kpop idols is also kinda justified. Journaling about them(to cure boredom), going to concerts, buying merch (in a healthy way ofc) everything is pretty ok, just like how every person has specific interests. But sometimes it just gets way too much and to a point where I think "TOUCH SOME GRASS". This is one of the things that makes kpop industry so interactive and huge right now. They're not just selling music it's wayyy more than that.

Honestly, even idols themselves are fueling this and it's probably companies realising that it's lucrative to sell parasocial relationships more than music itself, but also just idols themselves being lonely with how busy they are and dating bans and all that. A great example of this is Bang Chan, like I love him dearly but he's so deep into the parasocial grind it's low-key painful to watch. I get that fanservice has always been a thing and some people are just naturally uwu silly, but he sometimes just says stuff that make me wonder if he's really just reaching out for any comfort. A lot of these idols are also young people like us and they're also inserted in this late capitalism hellscape, plus they're in an industry that controls their lives to the T and they're probably just as lonely as we are, you see so many idols talk about their own mental struggles and how getting any kind of help is so hard. These companies are exploiting fans and idols alike for profit, and its not just k pop like, loneliness has become a business model in general.

I remember when IU was revealed to have a boyfriend and she's my ult bias, I was SO happy for her.

As im getting older i find i enjoy kpop alot more. I stream what i want, dont watch any variety shows, keep up with a groups socials every now and then. Because i have an adult job i can afford to got to concerts and buy albums. I don’t engage in fanwars, i only focus on my fav groups, I’ve stopped comparing myself to idols (because ive come to terms after many ed battles ill never ever physically look like them) And it also makes you alot more self aware and realise theses idols are just human beings like us !! You shouldn’t be treating them like babys and putting them on pedestals

Couldn't agree more, whole kpop industry is built on manipulation and emotional control. I started noticing everything after a year, after my heart eyes disappeared..

This is such an important topic in kpop... I used to be a parasocial demon, I was depressed, sad and lonely. For me it was this kpop gg, at the begining they helped me so much with my insecurities, but months after first knowing them, I remember thinking about *an idol* existence and getting happy just bc of that... It may sound inocent(?) but that evolved into not coping with my real life problems just bc if there's *kpop group* that'll be all I would ever need. I ignored my problems and made this kpop group's problems my own... Never got into fanwars but whenever a memeber got tons of hate I would be SO MAD... After spending four years like that, I finally got out of that spiral bc my own problems became impossible to ignore and also bc their company stopped making group activities as often as they used to I think I'm a casual listener now but I've known fans who were in a worse state than me back at the time...just thinking about how many parasocial demons may be out there is kind of creepy (knowing by experience how harmful going trough this could be for oneself) In other hand, it would be interesting to analyze how this system is affecting idols too. I mean, I think some may be too dependent of fans (I've seen idols crying saying things like they are afraid of losing fans and so) Idk if you'll read this but thank you for this video

Someone had to say it! Such a great video! K-POP is for most people a tool to escape reality instead of just music. But we have to accept that avoiding reality doesn't make it any happier...

This is why I deleted my Twitter app a couple months ago. I realized I wasn’t focused on what’s in front of me and honestly it’s freeing. I’ve learned SO much more about myself, actually enjoy kpop for the music & arts again, and just more in touch with myself and reality itself.

it's a double edged sword tbh. while i do agree that kpop is an escape and can provide comfort, it is most definitely not a healthy escape. finding kpop groups at a dark point in my life just made me even more depressed, because i was prioritising my parasocial relationships over my own wellbeing. now that i'm more of a casual listener and my life doesn't revolve around them, i find kpop content muuch more enjoyable.

As a kpop fan, it is truly scary how kpop fandoms have developed over the last years. These are real people and like Yunjin said not your doll. The way they managed to build this industry around this that much is concerning to say the least. Consuming kpop content etc is fine, but only to a certain extent. Just stop caring so much about the idols lives and get manage your own life first and just let people be.

Damn I feel called out. Kpop is my escapism lol.

Good piece. I stopped watching k-pop content a few months ago. I still listen to the groups I like, I'll still watch a mv here and there but I don't immerse myself in the content anymore and it feels a lot healthier. Sometimes I still get a pang of guilt that I'm not "supporting" them, especially the rookie groups with lower fan bases. But it didn't feel free, like there was a regime of how to support your favs and it didn't feel like innocent joy anymore. Now it kind of feels like I left a cult tbh. Cult lite but still

K-POP did help me in a lot of ways (I started dancing - not only to K-POP, met some great people, go out more, get to do things outside of my comfort zone like public random dances or recording covers...) but this parasocial relationship is something that also affected me. As much as I love K-POP for all the amazing experiences it gave me, at some point I really struggled with the feeling of loneliness and would focus on a group too much. Even after I realized it some time ago, it was still sooo difficult to just stop being invested. Cause if the group you're following uploads content daily, it's really hard to avoid it. I still wanna know what's happening. I still love this group. I slowly care less and don't watch everything they put up. But when there are weekly lives and I skip them, sometimes I still feel like I'm missing out. I also think it's kinda blocking me from liking anyone and getting into a relationship - cause there's part of me that compares anyone to my fav. And how are they suppose to compete with someone I idolize? I don't wanna be a delulu and I know that there's no chance of dating this person, and yet it still affects me cause at some point I allowed myself to get too invested cause I felt so sad and lonely. Like it's so annoying when you know what's wrong but you find yourself falling into this rabbit-hole anyway :D sorry for the rant but I'm always a bit afraid to fully express my feelings to friends or therapist especially if they're not a K-POP stan. this felt like a safe zone :D

Kpop feels like a p***n addiction not going lie if that is your source of happiness and all that

Everything is spot on. In addition, a lot of k-pop fans always talk about sasaengs and how crazy they are downplaying the fact that they are the by-product of masterfully created machine that feeds on your loneliness. That earning to belong eventually can turn into obsession for some fans. Also those same people are low-key obsessed themselves and we all are to some degree, only they are afraid to admit it and mask it as a protection of an idol. As someone who got into K-pop right after breaking up with my boyfriend, having a fight with my best friend and all of it happening during pandemic, I was an easy "target". K-pop certainly has given me comfort and broadened my horizon BUT it took me to some dark places I never knew existed within me (e.g. idol obsession, longing, delusions) I took a deep dive and found some unsolved issues that I had and finally understood how fucking depressed and lonely I was. It was a cathartic experience for me and I poured all my frustrations into drawing. It's worth mentioning that I'm from Ukraine and when the war started I've realized how meaningless and stupid all that hate and toxicity in k-pop is and that your favourite idol won't save you cause they basically give zero fucks about you and all they need from you is your attention hence more money for them.

A harsh but needed video. Thank you for the tough love.

Tbh i cant really help how interested i get into kpop and other forms of media because of my autism. kpop is definitely one of my special interests and brings me lots of joy and yes i would say sometimes i am lonely i have very bad social anxiety so i dont tend to get out much so i turn to parasocial relationships exept i know these people don't know me and i know they dont know i exist but they do give me a sense of comfort,does it make me feel less lonely ? Yes and i cant really stop myself from being interested.I know im still lonely but im fine with that now,it used to bother me but ive gotten used to it because of my special interests because they give me so much comfort and happiness and obviously my situation doesn't relate to every person who feels lonely and has parasocial relationships but I'm hoping that maybe someone will realise that not everybody is the same and not everyone should be clumped into a certain reputation.😊❤(also im not an obsessive creep i dont care what idols do in their spare time cause it dosnt affect me)

You made me rethink my life again...yeah I'm stuck in this loophole. 😣I care about idols, worry about relationships, pay attention to their talks/moments/talents when I can't even pay attention to myself.. It's bad but I'm definitely going to end this 😣

I got into kpop during the pandemic, and I love it so much. The way I do kpop is mostly keeping up with official content from my favourite groups, and read a ton of fanfiction. I've never spent money on it, and my only delusions is that in my head all members of my groups will remain best friends forever and ever, because they all love each other unconditionally. My brand of obsession is that I love idols being super close friends to each other. I'm consuming other people's friendships, but I think that's ok.

Personally k-pop does bring me happiness but I'm trying to balance the content I consume with my real life...

what an interesting video!! i first got into kpop when i was 11 and now im 18, so i basically spent most of my 10s being a kpop fan. you can even say it helped big part in shaping the core of my identity. i was especially in bad place during 2018-2021 and kpop provided a perfect escapism for me. i consumed various content of groups i liked to keep myself happy, and most importantly i made myself very active in the kpop twitter community. i was not able to make friends in real life so having mutuals i could talk with about things i like made me feel less lonelier. it did create an unhealthy dependency in me but i have to admit that it helped me a lot. although, as time went by, i slowly noticed that everything started to become wearisome. kpop has become more consumptive and i cant stand kpop stan twt anymore, people there are so insufferable. all the fun and joys i experienced when i first got into the niche has disappeared. my last straw was a few months ago, when my only remaining ult got himself kicked out of the group bc he drunk drove lmfaowjsjd after that i didnt see a point in caring anymore and booted myself out of the hole too. i still listen to the music occasionally but i no longer feel the desire to participate in the fandom like i used to. also, my life has definitely gotten better and i am way much happier now. i dont need parasocial escapism just so i can get through a day anymore and i'm proud of myself for it. i don't know if i'll be back when i finally learned proper self control but even so, i don't want to diminish my kpop phase as i wouldn't be able to reach here if not because of it first

i think it's less of not giving af but just doing everything in moderation!! STANNING a group is completely different from just being a fan. forcing yourself to like everything by your fave simply because they're your fave is the easiest way in becoming a sasaeng fan/ stan. streaming a song because you genuinely like it and buying an album because you think it's a cohesive piece of work is the best way of being a casual listener and not a "TOXIC KPOP STAN"

As a K-pop fan (mostly ARMY) of almost 3 years, I can see how this is the case. I found BTS when I was in a very isolated place, but soon I made friendships online that turned into friendships in person. However, I still see how this aspect pertains to people- something that shocked me when I first got into the fandom was when people would give me their other social medias, particularly Instagram, and it shocked me how centered their lives were around BTS and K-pop in real life. Like just hundreds and hundreds of posts of them unboxing albums, buying hundreds of dollars of merch, going to Cupsleeve events, going to concerts or reminiscing about concerts that happened years ago at this point for “content.” I know a lot of them were trying to become content creators and many of them probably do have other accounts for the people they know in person to follow, but it still continues to both disgust and fascinate me whenever I come across someone who makes their entire online presence centered around BTS and I do worry how that would take a toll on their mental health should (god forbid) one of the members decide to part ways from the group or they can’t reunite in 2025 for whatever reason.

K-pop is an escape mechanism for sure, but at some point you gotta realise that you cannot just escape forever. I love k-pop, appreciate idols for their hard work, but at the same time wish that people would look at k-pop as an inspiration to succeed in something rather that a way to escape from reality

bro- what did i even watched right now!? this gotta be the most honest and eye opening video about kpop ever made. I, myself have been there and yet I'm not completely changed but I'm taking steps for sure!! rn for me things are like this- my high school is almost over and i go to college this year so its already a big change in my life and also the sad thing is i'm not friends with any of my school friends now and im quite aware of how lonely and depressed i am. for past few months i had a really hard time when i would stay up all night crying and feeling betrayed and all that depressing shit. i have trouble making new friends bc of my social anxiety and i've lost all of my old friends. so now what i decided to do is, focus on myself. I try to not feel bad for myself and be sad all the time for not having friends. I have been studying for my exams and doing good. i do listen to kpop most of the time as i am very much interested in music and wanna learn about it more in the future. anyways, i do feel lonely at times but i just accept it, either cry out or go outside in nature. i also turn to kpop content when i miss my old self being with my friends and all. its more easy to live with 0 friends than to make friends for me as i have really really bad social anxiety which i can do nothing about at the moment, cause i've tried things and yeah no change. also i cant afford to have a appointment with a therapist so i have to live with this anxiety for a while. but i can still make some progress by working on myslef in 4 walls. so yes, you can turn to kpop for comfort and happiness when you feel like it, it can work like a recharge for you and change your mood for better. after all this is our lives and we should spend most of the time of this life for ourselves only!

As someone who grew up in the kpop fandom, I'm happy I had kpop. I was lonely as hell. Still am. I made friends, in and outside kpop, and I'm not lonely anymore. But I love kpop. I'm somewhere awkwardly between stan and casual listener. I stan groups and keep up with them, their music and their content. I was never delusional as in i legit thought my idols gave a single crap about me, but my idols for sure where my besties when I was 13-15. And then I realized it was too much. I stepped away when I was 16, almost 17, for around a year or two, I was very very casual, when Spotify recommended me some kpop of the groups I used to listen to, I checked them. And when I discovered onlyoneof I got pulled back in. I usually don't give a fuck. I've been a kpop stan for way to long to deal with all this bs, especially 4th gen drama, honey, its too much. I usually yawn when i see a glimpse of kpop drama. This video is still very eye opening. Did I get pulled back in because most my friends moved away? Because I spend most my time alone? Now, don't get me wrong. I came back to it when all my friends lived around me, when I was at school everyday and had a more or less active and fun life. I have really messed up shit in my brain since I was 14, panic attacks to be precise, and I tend to be depressed. I don't want to self diagnose though. What I want to say is that maybe kpop does work like a fake shelter, it does work like a fake parachute to your loneliness. I am now mentally at my worst I've been in a while. And I'm constantly online. I'm casual, sure, I don't get emotionally invested in things that are emotionally negative in the first place. I like to obsess over music and storylines and the beauty of mvs and stuff. I like to obsess over things I love. But is that healthy? I kinda doubt it. It's still a parallel reality, it's fake, it's not actually here, and as humble and casual as I may be, I still fall into that trap. I've been in this fandom for 8 years, casual, not casual, all the types. I know it inside and out, but the bad thing is: I don't know a life without it. It's pretty dark honestly. Growing up in this fake world. And the funny thing is I know EXACTLY what kpop is about, how dark it is, how it destroys your brain. But the temptation is just there, always. I don't wanna sound too deep, it's just kpop after all. But for something that is so obviously toxic and obvious in brainwashing you, it works surprisingly well.

My gallery not filled with kpop and im not having insecurity with my body. And I still think that kpop is kinda helpful when it comes to my life. Im a multifan, never involved in any fanwars, not care about streaming, buying merch, dating scandal, and their real life behind the camera. I also understand that most of them are adults who can take care of themselves, that my 'care' toward them are really just unecessary. But yeah, Im an absolute demonic hell when it comes to kpop media consumptions. It's not like I tune 24/7 for new content to drop but when I open RU-vid, it filled with them. So instead of watching something fulfilling, I choose to watch kpop thing. I have to shamefully admit that I actually have better activities to do than just watching kpop meme compilations, 4k fancams, vlive recording, and variety shows. It's an addiction fr. I mean kpop is not that bad if you a casual fan, but it's so hard to be a casual fan nowdays when almost all company shove contents into your lonely mouth. But now I feel challenged to try 30 days without watching kpop contents 🤣 Anyway, this is a good content and you have a new subscriber! Hello👋🏼

yeah i'm so comfy with staying home and pretending im a kpop idol in my room... it's really not good at all i need to get out and have a life while still enjoying listening to kpop music in general

everything in moderation, that’s the key. it’s entertainment, so you can take whatever you want from it. you just wanna enjoy the music ? you can do just that. you turn to idols just to get style inspiration from them? you can do just that. use the kpop industry as a way to expand your happiness, to learn about new things if you’re interested in the industry, to find inspiration, not to distract yourself. these people will keep making money while you might be consuming the content just to ‘delay’ your feelings, numb pain etc. it’s important to take a step back and analyze why exactly you consume the content you consume :)

i totally agree with everything u said! i got into kpop in 2018 and at first it seemed really fun and exciting to learn abt different groups and listen to their music, it was such a fun time in my life. however, 2 years later i made a twitter account and found myself obsessing over my favourite idols and having a huge fear of not consuming every single one of their contents. it made me feel very anxious and i would sometimes catch myself waking up in the middle of the night to go so social media just to see if my fave posted and when they did it would give me anxiety because it meant i had more to catch-up on. it was at that moment i knew it was getting out of hand and i was even obsessing over my faves to the point where i was checking social media every hour and losing sleep over it. i knew i had to change, so i tried making small changes, such as not consuming all the content they put out, for instance i still haven't watched the last couple of run bts episodes. i've tried focusing on other things, such as finding different hobbies and socialising with others, so i can find happiness in other things, other than kpop and it's been working. i still have my moments when i consume more content here and there, however i now know my limits and know when to stop. anyways, thank u for bringing awareness to this topic xx

You speak the truth Like u just called me and so many kpop fans who are stuck with kpop imagination right now i have to focus on my studies and i m wasting my whole time by watching kpop when my family watches tv together only me is the one in the next watching my fav grp i was litreally not giving time to my famlies today was my last exam and now i m having my holiday i will surely focus on my studies and do something but i will surely try my best not be obsessed with kpop and thank you for the advices u got me when u said that streamimg the mv voting them u just need more recoginition cause u r telling the truth umm u r just amazing Keep it up Great vid as alwaysss!!!!

I relate to this so much. I got into kpop in the pandemic, where I had no friends left and alone and spent all my time consuming kpop content and being obsessed with my idols. But when I got back to school, where I started interacting with irl people, I realized that I’ve been spending less time watching kpop content. Idk I felt kinda guilty that I’m not as invested but I think it was for the best.

I think we should create a category between those two categories cause I'm in the middle like I won't give a single f if one of my idols date someone or gain weight and I don't participate in any form of fanwars cause idc, i buy albums and merch but won't ruin myself for this and i don't collect pcs either but at the same I watch excessive amount of extra content from my fav group which aren't music related like reality shows, vlogs, edits on tiktoks, videos on twitter, watch their lives, wait for trans of their lives, follow their every move ect. Tbh yes i'm lonely but i kinda like being lonely ? I mean before knowing kpop i was doing just the same with books i spent my whole week end on my room reading and writing instead of going out. I know one day my group won't be a thing anymore but well i guess will like another group by then like i do not really care ? Thats weird i know lmao. Great video btw

I watched this video and kept thinking back to a video I watched about a theory about "Ditto"... so I searched my history and it was YOUR video! You're so spot on about all this! Bubble makes stanning so much more painful, but things have been so much better after recognizing that. Once you realize you're being manipulated by an industry that creates and pushes these parasocial relationships to tie so deeply to your emotions, and ensure you'll keep spending money, it changes everything. Really feels like an episode of Black Mirror, now that I think about it. Anyway, thanks for your videos and your insights!!! Keep it up.

i never thought i was that deep, as i was never upset when idols were revealed to be in relationships, and i never really thought of them as close friends or potential partners as they're marketed. but i found kpop at one of the lowest parts of my life when i as lonely and depressed (quarantine lol), and now that im in a better space, i find myself not consuming kpop content much anymore, apart from the music, which upset me cause i still enjoy it a lot. i thought i was growing out of it, but i think im just not lonely anymore. i see my friends all the time, and i've expanded my interests a lot. this video helped put it all together, thank you.

Your ability to think and convey them through video is simply amazing. You're incredibly good at this. Thank you for making me think about such important things for all kpop fans. I hope you're doing well🤍

I definitely see it, especially for social media-heavy kpop stans. Being so invested by the industry, engaging in fanwars, being secluded and consuming content... it can be pretty daunting, given how much the industrial aspect of kpop is so overwhelming. I have had moments where I had to take a step back, because it was all too much. The negativity got to me, and I found myself doom-scrolling, which is a red flag for me for when I get too overwhelmed. On the other hand though, when I focus on listening to the music and supporting my favorite artists, I found so much joy. More than that, because of kpop, I also made new friends, met many awesome people, and even bonded more with friends I already had. For all the negative that may occur, there are these true moments of happiness. I think everything has to be made with moderation. Know yourself and your boundaries. When you feel like you're drifting away too much, that should be a warning. But ultimately, do what makes you happy deep down. And for anyone struggling with loneliness right now and feeling sad because of it, I see you, and I love you. I wish nothing but the best for you ❣

You make such good content! It's so insightful and absolutely hilarious. Thanks for discussing really important topics in such an open and welcoming way

Tbh accidently finding about kpop in 2010 was the best thing that ever happened. I met so many kpop fans and became more outgoing. I've been an ARMY since 2014, and definitely saw the change of international fans into parasocial demons. It is crazy how obsesive people are. At the end of the day I just like their music and like seeing them in concert. The technicalities are not something I worry about. I do wish them a happy life but I never felt the need to know every little thing about their personal life. And also another point is the projecting that a lot of fans do. It's to the point where it seems like they strip away the idols' autonomy to favor only their thoughts instead of just staying in their place as a fan.

this made me rethink so many things 😭

my advice for parasocial demons - delete twitter. if you’re just using it for keeping up with the uptades or to look for photos, than alright. BUTT if it’s for fanwars, hating etc. then delete asap. - do not read fan fictions. specifically 18+ ones. those will make you addicted and will make you believe that the x idol is your bf/gf/sister/bro whatever. - quit from the fan wars. trust me it’s life changing. - stop comparing yourself to your idols. if you are very insecure, then i recommend you to watch or ask someone for confidence tips and maybe (if you are REALLY insecure) try to not focus on your idol until you become confident.

In 2017 I started stanning blackpink and became a kpop fan. I was a little sad at those times, so I found comfort there. Then, in 2019, I was still into kpop, but I started to dance to some Twice songs with some friends I knew and some new ones! That was the best that happened to me. I consider myself a casual kpop-fan eventhough I do dance to it with my friends, but I created a healthy relationship with how I enjoy the music, and made some amazing friends and a new hobby! Just wanted to share my story, because kpop got amazing things into my life, but I agree with everything in the video. It's all about who has the control. (Sorry if there's mistakes, english is not my first language)

I think one example of people being in parasocial relationships would be garam and her fans. The way the industry was designed was to make you obsess over these people so you can buy everything that is produced by their company with their name on the label like you said ofc. You’ll see people still talking non-stop about her and going on and on about her personality as if they know her personally. Half her career was just that scandal, and whether it was true or not its sort of weird how you see people be so attached to her acting like they’ve built an immense emotional connection with her

"Escapists afraid to live their own lives."

this is such a good insight. i know that i have a lot of these 'parasocial demon' tendencies, but i try not to think about it in my day-to-day life, but sometimes i do need a brutal wake up call. although i go through various levels and phases of kpop, i can fully say that im addicted. i cant go a day without kpop and that's kind of scary. however im fully accepting of that because if not for kpop i think i would be far worse off. i have always suffered from bouts of severe depression, and kpop is my coping mechanism in those times. as awful as it sounds, there have been times where i convince myself to keep living for comebacks, telling myself 'i have to keep going until then'. when im on the verge of a panic attack i calm down by watching content. seeing idols i love working hard inspires me to keep trying. im very grateful to kpop because i know that without it i would have turned to far far worse coping mechanisms. im not saying my relationship with kpop is anywhere near healthy, but it's kept my life together and continues to do so, and if being a 'parasocial demon' is the price i pay for that then so be it. i know the whole point of this video is saying that happiness shouldn't rely on kpop, but kpop truly does make my life brighter in a way that nothing else ever has, and im a firm believer in doing what makes you happy.

I do not know these people and I know they don't know me. I think that's where the disconnect happens for some people. They think the things their biases post online shows how the idol truly is. When in actuality, we don't know how they are behind closed doors and not in front of cameras. We. Do. Not. Know. These. People.

I'd classify myself as severe. I stan BTS's Jungkook. I devote a lot time streaming, buying, voting and consuming content. I spend a lot of money on his music so he can reach No.1 on billboard. I know people who are even more obsessed than me, they take out large loans so they could spend it on Jimin’s music so he could chart on billboard. There is a lot of pressure on stan twitter to donate constantly for BTS music so could chart. A lot of kpop stans are chart obsessed too

I’ve been a casual K-pop fan for 10 plus years. I’ve never bought an album. Some groups, i don’t even know thier names. I only have one lightstick( dream catcher) because my bf bought it as a gift. The music bops and that’s all i care about.

i became ARMY in lockdown and I used to watch them all day long but as time passed idk I stooped watching them now I am no more excited for their new songs/albums/ live anything and everything to the point that now I completely have no idea except that now they are serving in military.. and I am actually kind of happy that I no more into this kpop thing because the disadvantages of this are honestly concerning

you just made me re-evaluate my entire life. wow

"Im after the shadow behind it." Mike Choi.

Finally someone is talking about the truth^^ Thank you for this content, it was time to talk about it :) I am into K-Pop since 2011 and to be honest, in the first two years, it sucked me totally in^^ I tried to stay in touch with all the new informations, i downloaded a lot of apps, because every fandom advised me to vote, stream, listen and so on! But after two long years, i recognized, i'm a multistan, i listen to nearly every group, male and female, i like a lot of songs and different genres and i don't have the money to support them all AND i don't have the time to follow so much idols in their schedules and daily lifes^^ It wasn't possible. Since then i really like the music and content, and i listen though spotify daily. I have such a long playlist, it would take me days to play through :) I am a casual K-Pop fan since years. Sometimes it suckes me in again, but mostly if someone died :( or if a group disbanded, but as a whole i have real friendships, a family, a cat and a life, with or without k-pop^^ I love times full of daydreaming and try not to think about the age gap ~smile :) But most of the time, i admire not "idols", i admire "artists", concepts and outfits besides the music. I am not obsessed with anyone (except in my daydreams^^), and i took over years a deep dive behind the scenes. How much work they have to do, how much injuries and suffering, how much training and tears, mobbing, molesting, depression and suicide - K-Pop is like Hollywood, a dream fabric, a money maker and nothing is really like it seems. i think a lot of k-pop idols are parasocial demons themselfes, because of stricts rules, dating bans, celebrity status and overworking and unhealthy schedules. It seems like an unwanted co-relationship between fans and idols, the fans because it is made to get them obsessed, the idols because their companys don't let them any chance to socialise...

I'm glad I've watched this video and how everyone discuss about it in the comments. (Not just only this video)

I think it's all fine if you stay grounded in reality- oftentimes I catch myself living purely in my head, it's almost like moving to another dimension or realm when I get too much into my fave groups or fandom business. I appreciate how they spark my creativity, make me ponder over many different aspects of life and let me connect with many wonderful people, but when I start to feel more like an online presence rather than a real person anchored in the physical world, it's a sign to take a step back. They will not disappear while I take a break, my friends don't, even if we only talk every once in a while. I don't need to know what my faves are up to everyday- although I must admit the fear of missing out in kpop is very real. I don't need to know every fact about them and don't need to own every piece of merchandise they release. Being an active member of the fandom also adds to the obsession. Comparably, following western artists I never was near what I now consider being a stan of my ult group, and a casual stan at that. In many cases I didn't even know my fave musicians real names or faces despite knowing their music by heart. I think it's the best approach to kpop too, although I understand how it works and how it feeds into and profits from parasocial relationships. To add, right now I am taking a break from the group and the fandom. I still follow updates, but the amount of attention I pay them daily decreased significantly.

You know what after joining k-pop i became so insecure in every area like from looks to career to financial status to everything.. my goal is to become a diplomat and be a official representative of my country in foreign lands but now I am not finding happiness and passion because I am comparing it with k-pop idols life . And I also realised that they ( k-pop idols and their company) all are exploiting us and playing with our emotions for their own good we have no proper benefit from them in our life but they have all because of us ...we all are brainwashed by their emotional melodrama due to marketing strategies of k-pop . They got all name , fame, money and everything but why we feel so much happiness for them when they have nothing to do with us nor we know them personally.. neither they care about us the way we crazily love them ...I am regretting the day I joined k-pop ..but still it is so hard to get away from them ..they are playing with our mental health by controlling our dopamine, seretonin release it is really very deep psychological game and many professionals are involved in it .

I think I’m both ways, I love every music even from groups I don’t know much about, o do have my bias and my UTTs, I do buy a lot of kpop merch , and I do think some of them make me happy, but the thing is people I love always make me happy, like my friends and family, but I do have friends that don’t listen to kpop, I don’t care abt how they look(the idols), I always care abt me, I live a normal life, but at the same time, I have those little things that make me comfortable, like kpop, plushies, Lego, friends, my dad, my grandma, my aunt, toys from 2010-2019, books, and my drawings, kpop is just one of my million ways to make me comfortable and happy, and I think it’s completely perfect that way, today I bought a Marvel Lego from on of my fav heroes, and that made me happy 🫶

I'm happy I found this video pretty early on. I liked some TWICE songs intially for the beats, then for the vocals and soon enough I found myself binging on Korean reality TV shows with TWICE features. It is so much easier to escape into pixelated reality than it is to admit that you're lonely.

ur so underrated man..love your content

lol reminds me of when i went to the infinite concert in nyc in 2013 and i almost got trampled to death in the crowd, then realized that the parasocial world i built in my head to escape my terrible adolescence was all a fantasy. once again reinforced when I did the hi touch with vixx the following year only to feel this numbing empiness inside which my friends mom noticed enough when she commented that i didn't look very happy afterward. almost 10 years later now i realize that my entire life was centered around idols. but tbh, for me i think it was unavoidable because I viewed and still kind of view kpop as a way that I could connect with the culture I was born into but didn't get to experience because I was adopted from korea. but now I have actual relationships with real korean people instead and I've finally filled the gap of my identity without having to rely on celebrities that will never even know my existence.

I thank you a lot for saying these things, bcoz… yeah, there are many of us do turn into someone like this and the kpop industry doesnt helping at all Thank goodness, being a kpop fan since 2010 i always go casual, i never buy any albums or any kpop merchs, always hear they musics via youtube, i like multiple groups boy group or girl group and never get attached to any of them Most of us really need to wake up, that these kpop artist are not their property they are human too who ofc deserves happiness, if they found someone who can make them happy a.k.a dating, then let them be..

Well, tbh I was in a way actually addicted in a way to kpop 2 yrs. ago but as time passed by I became a casual listener and now I think of myself back then and just be relieved thank god I was not toooo late.

its just perfect, the efforts you put in editing damn, your voice and what you said is also damn and yesh dude i enjoyed it

So I really really smiled after watching this video. As a kpop fan, somewhere in my life i've found about how kpop is controlling our feelings, advertising and selling to us both material things like albums and immaterial like stereotypes, expectations. Understanding this, I've became a casual kpop fan who doesnt give much shit, but appreciates some things such as for example artistry seen in kpop in many many ways. When you were asking those questions: "do u have more pictures of urself, ur friends and family than ur kpop idols?", "can u look at yourself naked in the mirror and be okay with it?" etc. ...I answered "yes" to every single one of them. I smiled, because this is the validation I kinda needed. I feel that I've just chosen freedom, and I am free. Also I really like to say that kpop helped me, meaning it really inspired me to dance, sing, maybe even taught me comedy and how to flirt lol. anyways. Kpop community is such a group of people. Can't say something is better than doing a random play dance or just vibing to some iconic songs with someone else. I love making friends. . . . Offtopic need to say, that every single one of Your videos that I've watched I find really good, enjoyable in a way, important and honest. Thanks for them all, they bring platform to people to think about real stuff. Party

Been a kpop for a decade now, this isn’t anything new. I got over it when I started working but,I still enjoy kpop, just not as seriously as I did before.

Thanks for giving us a reality check at first i was offended by this video because KPOP was the source of comfort, happiness and it means the world to me because it saved my life. I was A KPOP fan since i was 13, the first song that made me liked KPOP was BTS blood sweat and tears, and black Pink playing with fire, at first i was not a big fan of kpop even if i liked those songs but it gave me a good impression. But after that i became depressed because i found out that my friends were all fake friends and i was betrayed by them, i fall into depression and my relationships with my family and friends felt distanced, and i felt like i needed someone to be there for me but no one did and i discovered this I NEED U by BTS, it felt like they were in emotionally pain and it made me feel like i was not alone i wanna stop watching kpop everyday and become a better person

Tbh I feel like I'm in between casual and parasocial. I just recently started getting into kpop but I wouldn't really call myself a kpop fan as I only stan stray kids and listen to a few other songs from other groups. Although I do watch a lot of content from stray kids, but its usually when I'm bored or just in the mood to check up on what they're doing. I do go out and hang with my friends and family, but I'm not going to lie to myself and say that I don't feel lonely at times. I've always felt lonely as it has always been hard for me to make friends and I just recently got a nice group I hang out with pretty offen, but I have noticed that when I feel lonely or anything I tend to bench watch skz and this video helped me spot that and work on it. I've also noticed I tend to go from "obsessed" to "obsessed" as in I tend to really like a group or a celebrity/idol for a awhile only to lose interest and find another group or celebrity to fan over. Its a cycle and idk why.

i feel like the way you choose to introduce this topic and talkabout it was very creative I felt like a close friend who cares about me is giving me this advice

Everything you say, in every video you do, is straight-up facts, and this is a really important topic and you spoke about it.

My little brother was rlly the first one to get me into actually getting to know more about kpop, stray kids in particular, and let's just say I was always a self aware person, after I started taking some interest on them and start searching for their interviews by myself, I realized if I continue it's not gonna end well for my mental health so I just... stop. I'm proud for it tbh.

There’s a difference between being lonely and being alone. You’re interchanging the terms in some of your arguments at times.

I know you want read this comment but I just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH I’m 14 I love K-pop and your so right thank you for giving me a reality check cause I may not admit it but yeah I am kinda obsessed it got to a point were I would fight with my OWN parents because they said something bad about K-pop although I never treated a K-pop idol like a bf or anything weird like that they were my comfort place but still at the end of the day I was lonely and I needed real people who would actually help me and be there so THANK YOUU

First of all, english is not my first language so sorry :) Your videos make me think a lot, thank you for talking about these kind of subjects and helping me realize the impact that the things i love have on my mental health. Certainly, i have healthy relationships, i feel good with myself even when im alone, i acknowledge that i am depressed, lonely, sad ect.., i don't give a f*ck about who my idols are dating, who they are friends with, if they've win an award or something, so i don't think ma case is very "serious", but i'm still lonely, i feel lonely and i know it, i realize that when i listen to or consume kpop, i feel less lonely. But I had never taken time to think abt what it meant etc I will try to be the "casual fan", even if i know it's gonna be difficult bc i'm obsessed and i admit it. Kpop often motivate me to start projects, helped me regain a little self-confidence, helped me to find out who i really wanted to be, but i know there is also negatives sides. I love your channel, your videos are amazing, thank you!

great video, as always!! yk, for the person who was tired from this huge delusional part of k-pop fandom, it was such a relief to find your channel! your videos are always pleasant to watch and not only because they are filled with common sence (which is really, REALLY important for me), but because of the amazing editing too! i really appreciate your work and i hope that some day all the words you say would reach all the k-pop community. you deserve all the fame and popularity. thank you for the video! you are definitely my favorite k-tuber

i’ve only ever been a part of one disagreement (“fanwar”) on tiktok. it wasn’t anything big, and the argument was pretty much only between myself and two other people. i maybe responded only like 2 or 3 times (i can’t remember exactly since it’s been months) but i vividly remember how utterly DISGUSTING and EMBARRASSING i felt right after i engaged in the argument with those people. i hadn’t felt such an ugly feeling before just from online engagement and i’ve absolutely despised taking part in any kind of fanwar, idol criticism, sarcastic and condescending remarks, etc etc on any social media since it’s just so… bad. there’s no appeal behind it and it’s sickening that it is just regular behavior for some people. based on this video’s description of casual vs severe kpop fans, i think i’m a mix. there’s many aspects of a casual fan that i attribute to myself, but there are a couple parts of the severe side that i acknowledge i have. i would never ever do anything like comment about idols’ bodies or go crazy over dating scandals, but i know i get a little obsessive over my favorite idols in the sense of seeing them as above myself. even before i got into kpop 2 years ago, i would be interested in other western celebrities and see them as above myself, and i guess i’ve carried that with me even into kpop. half of it i joke about, but the other half i know i genuinely feel that way, especially when it comes to how my body is. i’m grateful kpop made me interested in learning a lot of dance, but it always makes me think about how much slimmer my body needs to be to fit a “dancer’s aesthetic” as well as the fact that being slimmer is better as a dancer. it’s not bad to know this as a fact, but it is a reoccurring thought i have whenever i see myself in the mirror. thank you for making this video, it’s very insightful. i’m also gonna try your challenge of seeing if i can go a month without consuming heaps of kpop content.

I used to like kpop but when I got friends I stopped, and when I lost them I got into it again....

finally youre back i have regained my energy and purpose to keep going on

10:54 Well, thank you for validating me lol. I always naturally take breaks from consuming "idol content" otherwise it consumes you. Like we gotta combat this FOMO they install in us! It's ok to listen to the music/mv and not watch like a thousand interviews and extra content every time. PS: I think you are one of the best k-pop channels i've come across in a while. Tysm for the content. Especially looking forward to mv theories!

Honestly, it’s true that Kpop is an escapism. For me, it’s not the community really, but the music. I listen to 90% kpop, and if I feel sad I’ll just find some funny k pop videos, or turn on some kpop music and dance, etc. I used to be really into a certain group in 2021, but I stopped being obsessed with them after I realized how toxic their fanbase was. I just listen to the music, and enjoy watching idols perform. I also somewhat use it to escape from my loneliness. It’s not like it don’t have friends, it’s just I’m not very close to them, and they’re also not into kpop which makes me relate less or them.

This 13 min video is so perfect to make u realise how kpop actually effects you. Love how u don't force any opinion but just portray the truth as it is. The structure of this vid is perfect too. Pls never delete it.

A lot of people should see this but won't ❤

For me kpop has been a huge escape of reality. I don't feel any kind of need to be noticed or known by these idols. I've lived in abusive household for over 16 years and i am constantly scared of the people closest to me because of the trauma. Getting comfort and a nice friendly feeling without having to stress about my looks or being scared that i'm gonna get mistreated or used again is a big thing for me that keeps me going (admitting this is kinda cringe-) I will always hope happiness for the idols i like. I hate most kpop fans and sometimes i am embarassed to be one because majority of kpop fans are ..crazy

Omg I can't thank you enough for this video. I came to realization that what I'm actually doing. I'm speechless

Not a k-pop fan and pretty light on the parasocial scale but this is the most accurate, concise explanation of 21st century loneliness I have seen. Sort of manage to keep the low feelings away by gym + youtube docs + alcohol + delulu, but this video has been a wake up call.

I'm actually not a Kpop fan but I'm considering writing about this topic (parasocial relationships) for my uni dissertation... really interesting vid man :)

I am a kpop fan for more than 7 years now. When I started watching kpop I used to give too much time for kpop content then luckily after 1 month I had to move to different city for studies where I won't have any source to watch it. So I stopped it but I had source to listen their music. Now also I am a casual Listner and sometimes when I am on break from studies I do watch some content but after 2-3 days my body will get exhausted especially my eyes so to protect my eyes I avoid consuming too much content. And when I have exams. I will stop watching and even listening kpop for 4-5 months. Now When I see some friends and juniors too obsessed with kpop I feel grateful to all my situation which made me stay away from being a obsessed fan... . And those who feel they are being obsessed to kpop but then also cannot distance themselves from kpop then you have to start working on it. Remember one thing. "You should be your Priority" Be clear about your priorities...

I've been a kpop fan for 13 years but I'm only 'stanning' artists for the past 4 years and I'm really struggling with this. There is a very fine line between the fulfilling love I can feel from having a favorite group and a complete delusional downhill. It's all cool until I just casually listen to and watch them, but the moment I start thinking about them as people - as in longing for knowing them in real life and stuff like that -, it's suddenly super painful. But sometimes I cross that line unconsciously. I'm an adult, I have a job, I have friends, I have a healthy relationship, and it still affects me. Kpop doesn't only fulfill needs but it creates them too.

I try not to be too obsessed with kpop idols because I know how parasocial relationships work I’m 13, so it’s hard for me but I’ve found ways to not feel so lonely. Mainly talking to people online and interacting through calls, it’s helped me a lot, it’s doeisnt feel as good as real life, but. It’s something to help me socialize and improve my social skills

so i wouldnt consider myself a causal fan, nor would i consider myself a parasocial demon. i do love a lot of groups but i barely even care about their variety stuff once i watch a bit of it just to get myself into a group. i also mostly listen to their music when it comes to what i do to support them,, i listen to a lot of music, both kpop and non all the time. i have seen a lot of meme videos because those do make me happy, because jokes and giggles are what cheer me up, and i use that almost like joke to get into a group cause music is what makes me happiest haha :) but i hope people learn to realize that these people arent their friends, you dont know them. really good video! loved it

it's priceless to listen to such thoughtful advice while eminem's “stan” is playing in the background, honestly. i also made myself give up on my obsession with k-pop idols just recently. to quote one wonderful person, “becoming a k-pop fan was the best decision in my life, and quitting being one was the second best decision.” i wholeheartedly thank you, hyeautiful. your videos helped me make that decision.

It's pretty much true for all entertainment media though. Drama series, anime, reality shows, live streaming , RU-vid and Kpop contents. So everything comes down to how you yourself enjoy those.

Become devotee of krishna. Its so so healthy

your channel is the saving grace for kpop stans 🙏

I agree with everything you say!! As a casual kpop fan,I can see this happening with lots of “ Stans.” The company wants us to have this BF/GF relationship with our idols.Thats how they want their trainees to act. At least towards their fans. I had a friend who was OBSESSED with kpop boy groups. She went to loads of concerts and has loads of pics and her room FULL of posters. She would actually cry went she watched her videos. I low-key feel bad for her. I am a time to time listener,I like some songs.But idgaf about any of the idols. Its just good music to me. 🤷‍♂️Anyways thats what I think. I totally agree

i feel that you can also include the aspect of open-mindedness in the end section of your video because there are kpop stans who only listen to one group and not exploring more genres and groups to widen their music taste and practice reaching out to different fans for a fresh perspective. at some point you will get tired of one kpop group that you only like and whats there to do anything about it. in human nature, we're explorers and we cant just ignore the growing curiosity of whats in and beyond our comfort zone. sure, being loyal to your idols is okay, but my brother in christ, you got to be open more. be open to more experiences. be open to life, especially. never i wouldve thought that the quote "you're a human first before a kpop stan" would solidify its meaning even more thanks to this video.

How can you be so self-conscious and have so much insight ? That's sooo interesting, thank you

I was deep into these para social relationships, the moment I decide to left this I become more productive and starting focusing on what's more important in life. So I suggest all to not waste your time here. Focus on yourself and your loved ones

True. I agree. I also figured out pretty early how kpop works. Even though I'm not a hardcore kpop stan, I still need to get sometimes a reality check.